So obviously I'm not talented enough for the arts, but a lovely individual  langjingshen is doing a little 5 slot raffle for inclusion into a 2025 "Pile" comm that's currently in the works, and which I'd like to support. They deserve some attention, and what better introductory price than potentially free?

You can find the currently on-going raffle here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11195999/ and to figure out what exactly a "Pile" is, I offer you the simplest explanation possible in the form of a visual demonstration here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51956565/


Once again, a happy lil nudge to go and check out Lang and show them some love, even if you don't necessarily find yourself lucky enough to get a slot or don't want to partake in the raffle. They deserve the attention.


I have, hopefully obviously, not been sponsored in any capacity to make this shout out journal. I just like them as an artist and want to help them out.

A while ago, years ago now that I'm really thinking about it, I came across the page of an artist who at the time was offering commissions inspired only by a single song you sent them and obviously your chosen character. You were not offered updates, you were not allowed changes short of mistakes, and their only assurance was that they would immerse themselves in your chosen song completely and offer you a piece that reflected the nature of the song and the emotions they felt listening to it. I do not remember who this artist was, and obviously do not know if they are even still active or offering this service if they are. But I want to find them again, or any artist offering similar.

I know I'm probably not going to make it far with such a limited audience to ask this of, but I would be eternally grateful to anyone who can point me towards an artist matching that description. I've been a bit down in the dumps lately and have returned to my favourite song trying to lift my spirits, but listening to it, I can't help but think of that artist and what they would present to me if I sent them said song. It's always bothered me that I can't remember them to find out, but maybe someone will read this and be able to help. I've been looking for a long time and haven't had any real luck, but lately the urge has been stronger. Maybe it's just the stress of life lately. Everything's getting tougher, but I'm still somehow going. Not sure for how long, but we'll never truly know until something gives, I guess.

Thanks in advance to everyone that tries, and even just anyone that reads this. Life's rough and I hope you all make it through okay.

Y'all, I finally switched over to the "Modern" UI for this site, and I absolutely hate it. It's unfamiliar and unpleasant and I simply don't like it, but I'm tired of being flashbanged by things I find disgusting when I open up the site. ANYWAY, my problem: I feel like I'm 87 and trying to use a modern phone with this, because I can't find the button to watch artists anymore. How the hell do you watch people on this newfangled city slicker UI?

All help appreciated, thank you in advance. Offering reward of praise and gratitude.

Y'all, I fucked up like the big ol' stoopy pant that I am.

My most recent upload (One lazy night) was mistakenly credited in its description, and I feel extremely bad about that, so I've corrected that and am doing what little I can to try and further remedy the mistake. I very dumbly forgot the dash in the artist's handle and directed to the incorrect page, so PLEASE, if you liked what you saw, check out  kirena-kaya to show them some love for the work they did. It's only right that they earn the attention deserved for their efforts.

My stupid mistake shouldn't detract from their growth and exposure to potential new customers through my upload of their efforts. Thank you to everyone who does read this and check them out, and I'm sorry to Kirena for the mistake.

I love the arena/pit fight scene so much, honestly. The music, the atmosphere, the action, it's just the best ever and I couldn't be happier with the movie and how it's played out. It holds up so damn well all this time later. Shrek is honestly one of my favourite movies of all time, yet it never comes up in my head when I try thinking of my favourite movies. I have to be reminded that it exists, but I couldn't love the movie any more than I do.

It's just this flawless piece of cinema that I don't think of, but love unconditionally. Thanks for listening to my insane rambling again.

I'm a bit late to the return party, but regardless, a welcome back and wish of wellbeing is in order regardless.

Ultimately relatively glad nothing exploded, 'cause I'd frankly be kinda annoyed if I lost my list of artists to keep an eye on. Hope everyone who sees this is doing well and is able to enjoy the site again now that it's back up.

Therapy, when you find the right person, is a funny thing. I spent years being juggled between people who claimed to be there out of care and compassion, wanting nothing more than to help, yet who never actually saw or heard me. People who seemed more like they were there to be able to tell their friends they're a great person for making a career out of helping. This new guy, my last shot at psychological help, feels different. Better.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm being recognized by more than just the obligation of family or friends who can't possibly hope to understand, yet who try to offer sympathy and end up making me feel worse. But it's funny, really. Another session was enjoyed today, and he challenged me. He confronted me and didn't let me squirm out of responding to him and his questions. It was intimidating, it provoked a sheepishness in myself I haven't seen in ages. And it felt incredible. Freeing, almost. I wasn't allowed to shrug my shoulders and move the conversation along, or say "I don't know." or some other typical out. For the first time in a long time I was made to sit and look at my situation from an unbiased perspective.

I'm not the villain of the story of those around me, no matter how much my brain wants to make me out to be just that. The failures of those around me are not my fault. I am not responsible for the decisions of others, nor are they responsible for mine. I've been dealt a lot of shit hands and been forced to endure horrible things that will likely stick with me until I die. But they aren't my fault. And saying that is almost overwhelming. I am not trash. I am not a terrible person. I am not the villain. Certain family members and outsiders telling me and making me feel otherwise does not make it true.

I am more than what they make me out to be.

I am stronger than they would ever hope me to be, and I am not beholden to them and their need to drag others low to feel better about their own situations.

Things are tough. They probably always will be. But it isn't my fault, and I can still tell my own story regardless of the struggles set before me. I don't want that story to be one of pathetic whimpering in a corner, telling myself I deserve it. I won't let it be. I have another month of sessions with this new guy booked, and I'm looking forward to each one of them. It's expensive, but it's worth it.

Thank you to the people who have reached out to me. You're great, and I don't really have any proper means to thank you, but your encouragement did a lot more for me than you likely realize.

Shout out to for being a cool dude, too. I don't know if we've ever enjoyed the opportunity to properly sit down and talk at any real length, but there was a spark lit by them, and I am grateful. I just hope they don't mind me mentioning them directly.

It truly is remarkable how wholly we can take for granted a stint of good health, learning to forget just how fortunate we truly are to feel healthy and whole. Inevitably there will always come that returning, brief period where we are no longer able to pretend the opposite side of life doesn't exist, swept up all too swiftly by a tide of lethargy, non-existent energy and an overwhelming malaise washing away things that once seemed given and so normal.

It's always an extra kick in the gut to be laying down, barely able to summon the will to rise, only to realize you've done it to yourself through some means or another. That something you've done has prompted your body's current shut-down and the gradual realization that it was entirely avoidable with the tiniest sliver of greater care and consideration.

Worse still when it crops up immediately before a work week, and you know you've no options but to tough it out and try not to collapse from exhaustion despite having done so little.

Humanity feels so overrated.

You ever get into a bit of a rut where, despite most things going not terribly in your life, you can't help but feel miserable?

I'm kinda there, and after a little under a year of dealing with it, I still don't understand it. Does some unseen being shoulder the burden of dragging along the luggage I try to leave behind, ensuring I'm never without it? Am I unknowingly securing it to my back so I don't lose it, despite hating it? I don't know. Nobody's gonna read this, and even fewer people are gonna care, so I could say anything and be safe from any possible inquiry or examination.

Green is an ugly colour.
I don't like bacon, really.
I've almost never felt welcome in my life.
There are things that've happened to me that would probably get me banned if I dared reference them.
Therapy is prohibitively expensive and takes ages to get into, nevermind how very likely it is that the person sitting you down simply won't actually care.

Nobody's gonna read it; I can say it all. I ain't big or important, nobody's actually watching. The weight of existence is oppressive, yet daily there are demands to stop complaining and keep moving, because nobody wants to hear it, it's only dragging others down. Just say you're doing good, fake a smile and quit your bitching. God forbid you cry or yell or

just

finally

snap.


I dread the future, but looking into the past nearly kills me and the present causes stress enough to cause blackouts. I miss the carefree freedom of youth, squandered wishing to be older so rules and school were behind me. At least then I could say I wasn't happy. I miss being able to admit that.

Hey, you!

If you got a notification for this journal and read it?


I want you to know that I appreciate you and hope you have a great night. Anyone "watching" someone like me with two simple pieces on my profile is pretty crazy to think about. It also slightly stings, knowing you followed me for a reason but I'm going to be unable to provide you any more of said thing for a fair while.

So I'm sorry. But thank you for being here. You're the best.



- Some dumb dog.