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Reminder!
General | Posted a year agoI'm still currently out of town visiting family, but I wanted to remind everyone that I'll be closing my form in just 5 days!
If you've been wanting to get some art for yourself or someone else for the holidays, I have plenty of slots available!
Link to Form:
https://forms.gle/5hdjceCYu1BtNZsg7Soft Opening Comms for November
General | Posted a year agoI mentioned it in the last journal that I had found a happy medium for semi-rendered comms. I've gone through a few pieces with the new method and I think I'm ready to open for them. We're offering both thigh-ups ($30) and full bodies ($50) this time around, but only one character per image.
I will be out of office from the 6-16 of November, so I will review any forms submitted during that time when I get home! Depending on how this holiday season goes, this will most likely be the last time I open for anything this year.
Since it's late, I'm going to just gently link to my form here in a journal and post an image ad here and on my other sites in the morning. Examples are included in the form!
Link to form:
https://forms.gle/w973nNfvrQiPz7fZ8Comms opening soon!
General | Posted a year agoJust wanted to give folks a heads up that I'll be opening up my commission form soon!
I've been playing around with some new methods and I think I've found my comfort zone for "slightly rendered" work. Prices are currently $30 for thigh-ups and $50 for full-bodies.
I'll be posting examples in the coming days!Next Commission Theme?
General | Posted a year agoSo what comes after Halloween comms?
General fall/winter themes?
Holiday themes?
New Year's?
Or do you guys have any other themes you'd like to see?
Still up on my chopping block is a date with Sinna. Depending on what the bidder chooses, it can range anywhere from a cozy coffee/book date to having Sinna parade your character around on a leash or tie them up for another character. (Think of someone showing off a prize to be handed off to the winner, Sinna will not be participating in any sexual activities past presentation.)Life Updates
General | Posted a year agoThis is just a little update post for those interested in not-art things! And maybe a few commission openings-related things at the very end.
Since last September, Fafy and I have been working hard at getting our new house fixed up and ready to move in, which has taken up A LOT of my time and energy. So if I have been absent or not very interactive, this is why. It turned out to be so much more than we initially expected. With a fully carpeted floor soaked in dog urine, an AC unit holding on for dear life to not fall through the floor, a horrible mouse problem, and plumbing issues, we truly did not expect half of these problems to not be disclosed to us prior to buying. Many of these problems were hidden from the house inspectors as well. Despite it all, we are willing to work and make it a place we are happy to live in.
While we aren't 100% finished with the renovations, we are finally at a place where we can move in and work on it at a slower, more comfortable pace. Our bedroom is done, master bath is functional, living room is 90% finished, kitchen is getting new cabinets and countertops in two weeks, and my office is ready for me to set up. New floors, changes to some of the room layouts, and a fresh coat of paint, this house looks (and SMELLS) like an entirely new home. I wish I could post before and after's to show just how drastically things have changed, but I'm not comfortable sharing my home publicly ^^; We're both excited to move from our tiny two room apartment into something bigger and finally get the chance to spoil our two cats and possibly welcome a third fuzzy family member into our home <3
To my commissioners who have been so patient and kind with me while I juggle commission pieces, housework, family illness, and finding spare time for myself and Fafy to decompress, thank you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am to have such wonderful customers. You guys are amazing.
All of that being said, my commissions are currently closed while we move, and will remained closed until the end of the month or beginning of next month. I'd just like to take time to really settle into the new home and do some personal work or some adopts. During this time, I'm also going to be reconsidering what type of comms I'll open for next. While I do love doing flats, I'd like to open myself up to bigger, more custom pieces or ref sheets. I'm also open to suggestions on things you all would like to see!
Till next time!~
Since last September, Fafy and I have been working hard at getting our new house fixed up and ready to move in, which has taken up A LOT of my time and energy. So if I have been absent or not very interactive, this is why. It turned out to be so much more than we initially expected. With a fully carpeted floor soaked in dog urine, an AC unit holding on for dear life to not fall through the floor, a horrible mouse problem, and plumbing issues, we truly did not expect half of these problems to not be disclosed to us prior to buying. Many of these problems were hidden from the house inspectors as well. Despite it all, we are willing to work and make it a place we are happy to live in.
While we aren't 100% finished with the renovations, we are finally at a place where we can move in and work on it at a slower, more comfortable pace. Our bedroom is done, master bath is functional, living room is 90% finished, kitchen is getting new cabinets and countertops in two weeks, and my office is ready for me to set up. New floors, changes to some of the room layouts, and a fresh coat of paint, this house looks (and SMELLS) like an entirely new home. I wish I could post before and after's to show just how drastically things have changed, but I'm not comfortable sharing my home publicly ^^; We're both excited to move from our tiny two room apartment into something bigger and finally get the chance to spoil our two cats and possibly welcome a third fuzzy family member into our home <3
To my commissioners who have been so patient and kind with me while I juggle commission pieces, housework, family illness, and finding spare time for myself and Fafy to decompress, thank you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am to have such wonderful customers. You guys are amazing.
All of that being said, my commissions are currently closed while we move, and will remained closed until the end of the month or beginning of next month. I'd just like to take time to really settle into the new home and do some personal work or some adopts. During this time, I'm also going to be reconsidering what type of comms I'll open for next. While I do love doing flats, I'd like to open myself up to bigger, more custom pieces or ref sheets. I'm also open to suggestions on things you all would like to see!
Till next time!~
Thigh-Ups Open Again
General | Posted 2 years agoI mentioned it on twitter earlier that I would be reopening my thigh-ups soon. I'm giving folks here a 3 day head start if you're interested in grabbing one. I'm going to limit myself to no more than 4 slots a month right now, so spots will be limited for the foreseeable future.
Changes made this time:
- I had to raise my prices for these just a little bit, but they should still be something budget-friendly!
- Commissioners now have more control over the outcome (i.e. pose requests)
- While the examples are from last year, the quality has gone up and commissioners will be getting more detailed line-work.
Link to form:
https://forms.gle/JZiiBfCiHZxYD4CFA
Any questions, feel free to ask below!
Changes made this time:
- I had to raise my prices for these just a little bit, but they should still be something budget-friendly!
- Commissioners now have more control over the outcome (i.e. pose requests)
- While the examples are from last year, the quality has gone up and commissioners will be getting more detailed line-work.
Link to form:
https://forms.gle/JZiiBfCiHZxYD4CFA
Any questions, feel free to ask below!
Back into it!
General | Posted 2 years agoNow that all the holiday rush has settled down, I can FINALLY get a chance to talk to everyone!
First, I hope everyone had a good holiday/New Years! I came back to a handful of new watchers, so hi everyone! Thank you so much for following along with me on my art journey! I hope you like it here ^^
2023 for me was.. pretty uneventful for the most part. Aside from some personal struggles and family scares, our biggest accomplishment was towards the end of the year with buying our house and working on it. Speaking of, we should be moved in by mid February!
As for 2024, I have a LOT of things I want to do art-wise. If I remember, I'll come back to this at the end of the year and see what all I was actually able to get done ^^;
Almost all of this will really pick up after I get my office setup in the new house, but here's what to expect form me this year~
- I'll be accepting reference sheets again!
- More themed YCH's.
- Character designs/potential base?
- Possibly opening up for full commissions again.
- Secret stream projects! >.>
As far as personal goals go, I'd just really like to get back to working out, eating better, and possibly getting myself retested as an adult for ADHD. The ADHD thing is something I've been suspicious about for a while. Being older and reading about other's experiences, I'm thinking the therapist I went to 20 years ago might've been right. Maybe I'll talk about it in a different journal at another time. Here's hoping I can get some answers. If any of you have any advice, I'm more than open to hearing about your experiences!
If you've read this far, thank you for letting me ramble on! I hope you all have a great year!Little Updates
General | Posted 2 years agoI figured I'd give a little update here since I haven't been using journals as much.
A lot has been happening behind the scenes this past month and a half, and I can finally let it out of the bag that Fafy and I are buying a house! Everything looks good and we're just waiting on a couple things on the seller's end right now, but hopefully within the week we will have the keys! Not only are we getting the house, but we're also getting a good piece of land and a small pond with it to build our life on. Chicken coop and raised garden beds, here I come! The house itself however is going to need a little fixing up, but the bones are good and sturdy. We're both excited to have something to call our own.
On top of potentially closing on the house this week, our one year anniversary is coming up on the 2nd. We don't have any big big plans as far as I'm aware, just a trip to the city to relax and enjoy the day together. It really doesn't feel like it's been a whole year already. Time really does fly when you're having fun.
For art news, I'm currently closed for commissions, I've got about 2.5 left on my queue. After we get past our anniversary and things with the house are settled, I'm going to look at opening for some experimental busts. These will be fully rendered and I'll probably put them at a price point of $35-40 depending on how long it takes me when I make examples. Speaking of, if you've got a pretty simple character and want something free, slap the link down below, I need maybe one or two more for examples. I'll pick from them when I'm ready.
Other than that, I hope everyone has been having a great end of summer/back to school season. Spooky season is right around the corner!Working Hours
General | Posted 2 years agoI figured I should put out my work schedule since it's.. not exactly the easiest to explain ^^;
Work Schedule
Basically I'm working in tandem with my husband's work schedule. And since he's shift work in a factory, it's all over the place. But it's both day and night shifts, 12 hours from 7am-7pm and 7pm-7am rotating. Due to my occasional wrist flare-ups, I won't be specifically drawing for all 12 of those hours, but I will be doing things pertaining to my work like answering emails, updating my trello, creating promo materials, organizing my schedule, etc.
Is it crazy? Yes.
Does it work for me? Also yes.
I have updated my profile here and my TOS with a link to the calendar for easy reference at any time!Happy New Year
General | Posted 3 years agoFirst of all
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season!
It's been a long time since I've been able to find the time to write a proper journal, but life has changed astronomically since my last one.
I'm not going to go into details, just gonna keep it short and sweet.
I got married and moved halfway across the country. It's been quite the adjustment getting used to the prairies. I miss my mountains and forests and occasionally deal with feelings of displacement, but this isn't the worst possible place to be either. I get to see a herd of elk almost every time I go into town, a nature preserve with longhorn cattle and bison is only a short 20 minute drive away, and farm animals have become more abundant in my life.
I was working from home with my old job for a couple of months, but lost that job about two weeks before the holidays. While it isn't outright clearly stated and an excuse to terminate me was made, we all know it was because I spoke out about my team getting taken advantage of and not receiving compensation for the extra workload put on us from another department dissolving. I could fight for my position back and win, but if that's how the company is going to operate when someone speaks out, I'd rather not work for them at all.
I took the rest of December off for myself and my husband. My health and happiness has improved despite the drawbacks, and I am feeling more inspired than ever. I'm able to mitigate my pain better and have found a happy medium for working my wrist with art. I'll probably still have to go to the doctor for some tests and find out if I'll need surgery or not, but for now I'm comfortable.
I'm not entirely too sure what direction I'd like to take my art now that I fully have the opportunity to devote more time to it. I know I'd like to try and make a living off of it if I can. For now though, I'll probably just work on some fanart, maybe take a request or two here and there until I'm comfortable taking commissions again. I know a lot has changed since the last time I was paid for art, so I need to do some research on that as well.
But it's good to be back. I've missed being here.Uhh.. Hey.
General | Posted 4 years agoLong time no see.
A lot has happened in the past.. two years? Yeah, two years.
I got a job around September in 2019 at a fabric store for almost a year, worked it through the 2020 pandemic and became a shipping machine for the store during lockdown. I kid you not I packed and labeled nearly 250+ orders a day. It was insane. Later, I took on a higher position for inventory management when things got better, hit a massive depression spell, and just rode out the rest of my time there doing the best I could in a very unforgiving customer service environment. Fafy got an incredible position at the factory he works at. He and I were both pushing for it for so long.
I quit my retail job in late December 2020 and got a full-time "adult" job working for my local hospital the following January as patient registration. Thanks to this job, I now have insurance, I've been able to buy myself a new-to-me car, afford important doctor visits for myself and vet visits for my cats, all on my own with little to no help from any outside sources. Furthermore, I've worked my way into a very coveted position at a desk job where I can do my work stress-free and away from the public and have weekends off. I'm proud of myself.
Around the end of March/early April, I had some severe abdominal cramping and went to the hospital to find out what was going on with me. I found out I had fibroids, and at the time, the ER didn't tell me just how bad they were, just that I needed to talk to my doctor. If you don't know what fibroids are, well I'll give you the basics and save the google search. Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that stem from the uterus. After two more doctor visits with my GYN and an OB, I found out that I had one particularly large tumor the size of an orange and an enlarged uterus. So we set a plan of action and had a date set for surgery.
In June, Fafy and I were determined to have a week to ourselves before everything happened with me. We talked everything over in depth, and I made sure he was ok with the decision I was making for myself and my health. We hadn't seen each other for 6 months, and our trip was everything we both needed. We went to the WV Ren Faire and had a fantastic time. Laughs were had and memories were made. Th outside world and all of its troubles melted away. After the festivities from the faire, and a nice cool down shower for me, Fafy asked me to marry him. I said yes. So now we have a wedding to plan!
After he left, it was time for me to start getting myself ready for my surgery date. July 12 came up pretty quickly. The day of the surgery was.. a blur, I'll be honest. I went in for anesthesia prep for a partial hysterectomy at 11:15 am, waited an hour for the operating room, and didn't wake up again until nearly 5:30 pm that evening. The surgery took nearly 2 and a half hours and it took me an additional 2-ish hours to come out of anesthesia. The whole thing was a trip. I didn't get to talk to my surgeon until almost 9 pm. Apparently things were worse off than we originally thought. He told me he wasn't sure at first if he would be able to complete the surgery laproscopically. But he worked his wizard magic and pulled it off. I still had the large tumor, about the size of an orange/baseball, but I also had 3-4 golf ball sized smaller tumors, and my uterus was so enlarged that he couldn't get it out in one piece. I came out with 5 incisions spanning from one side of my abdomen to the other.
And here we are today. Healing has been interesting. I haven't had to take as many pain pills as I was prescribed. At no point have I been in as much pain as I thought I would be. The mental part has been the biggest hurdle for me. Getting up was a struggle for the first week, and I stayed passed out in bed for the first 3-4 days. I would get winded just walking the 40 ft to the bathroom. But I'm getting better and stronger with each day. I only have some minor pains in my lower abdomen/pelvic area now and Tylenol helps when I need it.
I have one week left of time off for surgery and then I'm back to work.
I'm still around, just not as active or vocal about it.
Art has been at an absolute standstill for me. I do still have the drive and the itch to create, just not the time nor the energy. I'm not sure when I'll be back to creating, but both Fafy and I are hoping that soon the situation will change. He tells me often that he misses seeing me create things.
I hope all of you have been able to stay safe during these chaotic past two years.Healing Takes Time
General | Posted 6 years agoLife has it's ups and downs.
That's something we all know too well.
The purpose of this journal is for me to get everything I've been keeping under wraps out in the open. So if you don't want to read some of my personal life going-on's, then this journal isn't for you.
For the past 4.5-5 years, I've been on a constant down it seems.
I thought I could push through it and come out stronger. But the truth is...
It got to me.
And I was in denial the entire time.
Nearly two years after I moved back to West Virginia, I'm finally ready to talk about the abuse I endured. Some of this will get into personal details, but I just don't care about that anymore. I'm doing my best to heal from everything. And writing it down helps.
Back in 2015, I met a guy named Brandon, aka "Alpha," and I thought the world of him. He seemed like a decent enough guy and he promised me so much. At the time we didn't live together and he provided me an escape when things got rough at home. He wasn't employed at the time I met him, but eventually he got a job at Lowes for a few months. Sure, we argued a few times here and there as couples do. But some things just didn't sit right with me when we did. He would constantly pressure me to talk about things before I was ready to. He got mad at me if I said I visited a male friend in public without him. He got angry because I didn't want to try some sexual things with him. One particular night, I wanted to leave to go home in the middle of an argument (over a belt of all things). He followed me to my car and wouldn't let me shut my door. That alone should've been enough to tell me to never come back. But I pushed it aside...
Fast forward to 2016. He tells me he has plans to go back to school. "Great!" I thought. He could get into doing what he wanted to for a living and we could be happy. He asked me to move with him to Ohio and I stupidly agreed. I left everything I knew behind. My family, friends, job, my cats that helped me through so much. I gave it all up to make him happy. The moving process was hard enough with my grandmother showing herself and degrading me, calling me a list of names. I cried the whole 2 hour drive to our new apartment. Brandon and his family tried to comfort me but they could only do so much. In the end, he was only concerned that he got to live in "his" apartment with me. To try and make myself feel better, I came back home to WV to see a few of my friends play at a music event. Out of fear of an argument, I opted not to tell Brandon I went. All I wanted was to give myself a little escape from everything I just went through. That was a mistake on my part. I came home and he said a friend of his saw me there and he went through my phone while I was asleep to find out for sure. I admitted to it, apologized, and tried to make up for it in every way I could think of. He never forgave me. He always held it against me and brought it up in every argument after, like he was keeping score of everything I did wrong. Since that point, I always told him where I was and who I was with, and even made sure to text him back as soon as he sent me something. He chose to punish me for months by restricting any affection he gave me and even brushing me off if I tried to give him any, choosing video games over mending what I had damaged. I should have left then too. But I didn't. Not for good anyway...
At some point between 2016 and 2017, I moved back home to WV to try and get my mental health under control. My job in OH treated me horribly, I didn't know anyone up there, and I missed working with my people in WV. I was not doing well and I needed my support group of friends and family. Brandon didn't like it and even said I was "abandoning" him to take care of myself. I still came back and stayed with him on my days off. I still worked my ass off to pay my half of the bills even though I wasn't there half the time. Meanwhile, he stayed home and never worked at all. The place was always a wreck. I would come in to help clean up and do chores on my first day, even cook dinner when he got home from school. Looking back at this point, I wasn't a partner to him anymore. I was just free housekeeping and easy sex when he wanted it. I should've stayed in WV. But I didn't...
In early 2017 I finally broke for the first time. I ended up moving back in with Brandon and only driving to WV for work. I tried keeping things between us fresh and interesting. He'd rather spend time playing games and watching youtube though. "I'll come to bed in a minute," I was told. It never happened. He left me at the apartment one weekend in the middle of a massive depressive episode so he could go back to WV drink with one of his female friends with a promiscuous past. I wasn't ok with it, I was always suspicious of the girl considering she's cheated on her partners multiple times since I'd known her. But I pushed it aside and let him go. He never told me where he was or who he was with like he asked of me. He left me wondering for two hours what was going on then acted like I was overreacting when he finally responded. That night, I took a bottle of wine, hiked up the mountain behind the apartment, and drank myself stupid, debating to jump off the cliff edge or not. I staggered my way back inside and took a long shower and went to bed instead after a long talk with my mother and step dad. When Brandon got home, he acted like nothing was wrong...
Things cooled down for a while until summer rolled around. Eventually we got a dog together. I wish we never did. He abused that poor dog from the day we got him. He would yank him out of the kennel and beat him until he yelped, cried, and peed himself out of fear just because he didn't understand commands yet or he had an accident in the floor. We fought over it constantly. He even pushed for me to be like him and hit the dog for punishment. He called it "consistent training." Through all the arguments, he had convinced me that I was crazy and I needed to be medicated. So I went to the doctor and got some antidepressants and anxiety medication. I was "too unstable and crazy" when I wasn't taking my medicine and "he could tell when I wasn't on it." That was a lie. That summer he finally got a job at one of the local parks. I was still working in WV so he would still get time alone at the apartment for a few days a week. One of the days I came home, he went to work early in the morning. So it was just me and the dog there until around 6 in the afternoon. We had our routine and we got along wonderfully on our own. I was feeling a little inspired to learn something new, so I opened youtube on his xbox to search some tutorials since we always used it together. His search history left me shocked and speechless. I was empty inside and hollow. Behind my back he had been looking up other women to please himself to. It's one thing if you talk to me about it. But it's another entirely if you hide it from me. I broke down, talked to my best friend and called my mom. That day, we rented a small uhaul, loaded up all my belongings and took them back to WV for good. I sat on the couch and waited until he came home to tell him I was leaving. He looked stunned. He roamed the apartment in disbelief that I would ever do such a thing. He begged me to stay and reconsider. I refused. I got in my car and headed back to WV...
In 2018, I foolishly lived between homes. Half in WV and half in OH with Brandon. I didn't trust him anymore, but I still tried. He quit his job at the park and was on his last half year of school. Things seemed like they were getting better. But they never really did. He caused me to push my friends away, think horribly of my own family, and reduce my circle to only him and his mother. The lease for the apartment was up in December. By then I had already had my belongings out of the apartment for quite some time. All that was left was his. I got the brunt of his frustration for leaving him to pack his own things and clean "his" own apartment. The rest of the year was spent us living 15 minutes apart, arguing, making up, and deciding where to go next. My health had declined immensely. I was nearly 200lbs (compared to being 145 when I met him), developed a hiatial hernia that caused me to vomit acid in the mornings and cause immense pain in my sternum area after eating, and my wrist had deteriorated to a point that doing almost anything with it for more than two hours at a time hurt. My mental health was up and down. At home, I would be happy and fine. With him, I was irritable and uncomfortable. Eventually, he says he wants to go back to school for a higher degree...
In 2019, I had hit my final breaking point. Brandon had once again went behind my back and tried to hide it from me IN FRONT OF ME that he had been looking at other women. I berated him for it at this point. I had had enough of being taken for granted. I had witnessed him still beating the dog that I helped him get. He held it up against the door by the throat just for growling at him. Anyone who spoke out against him was immediately yelled at and told they were ignorant. He openly spoke about how he thought service workers were beneath him when he was told to get a job after being fired from two separate jobs in three months. I still held on as much as I could, but I could no longer respect him as a person. I stopped caring and went out with my old friends from that concert years ago. One of them that I'm particularly close to told me I needed to get away from Brandon, to run and never look back. He showed me kindness and genuine concern that I needed to make the decision to leave for good. I came back and eventually met with Brandon in a public park. There I broke down and opened up to him, saying if he seriously wanted it to work with me, he needed to make some major sacrifices the same way I had done for him years ago. He refused and even mocked me as I was crying in front of everyone. It was that singular interaction that told me everything I had been denying for so long.
From then on, I was my own person again. For three months, I took back what he took from me. He acted like he owned me still. And I let him believe it up until he moved away to go back to school again. For three months, I pursued my own interests, rebuilding the friendships I had damaged, applied to jobs I never would've even considered before, and even began talking to a friend about healing and faith, all the while using Brandon the same way he used me. The day before he left, I returned to him a check and some clothes and I left feeling a sense of pride in myself. I left him crying on the back of the uhaul his mother paid for, questioning why I would ever do this to him, while I walked away feeling not one ounce of guilt for the tears he shed.
Four years of deceit and denial.
It was in May that I was told to run. And that's exactly what I did. I couldn't refuse the truth anymore. Brandon had manipulated me, gas lit me, abused me, and used me for his own personal gain. I let him take advantage of me and my good will for so long. He drained me so much that my own body was trying to kill itself from the inside out. I lost my creativity with him. Anything I produced for him, he would copy and try to make it seem like it was his idea. As much as he tried to tell me it was all my fault, I know it wasn't all me.
The past six months have been ones of healing for me. I've not been in this alone. All the mutual friends we had abandoned him of their own volition, learning that he is someone who is only in things for himself. I still talk to all of them daily and play games with them weekly. They've become like a second family to me. My old friends have shown me nothing but love and forgiveness for my actions or lack thereof. I have a job that I enjoy and an even bigger offer on the table. I've lost weight and am back down to 165lbs, my physical health problems have disappeared (minus the wrist issues), and my mental health has improved immensely. I'm no longer on medication for my depression. I do still have some down days, but they last no more than a day now. My creativity is slowly flowing back and I've even found my love for sculpting and painting again. In these six months, I've fallen for a wonderful man. We've known each other for about two years and we finally decided to give the whole long distance thing a go back in August. He's been very encouraging of my endeavors and gets excited over everything I do for him. The best part of it all, he gives the effort right back.
Things are drastically different than they used to be.
I am happy.
Though I may still struggle, my heart is full.
It may be a little difficult, but I'm going to do my best to upload here again. I don't have much to show for my time away, but I do have some small doodles here and there. I may also be looking to commission some pieces of art here soon. If you know of any artists that are open, I'd love to give them a look.
I hope everyone has been having a pleasant 2020 so far!
That's something we all know too well.
The purpose of this journal is for me to get everything I've been keeping under wraps out in the open. So if you don't want to read some of my personal life going-on's, then this journal isn't for you.
For the past 4.5-5 years, I've been on a constant down it seems.
I thought I could push through it and come out stronger. But the truth is...
It got to me.
And I was in denial the entire time.
Nearly two years after I moved back to West Virginia, I'm finally ready to talk about the abuse I endured. Some of this will get into personal details, but I just don't care about that anymore. I'm doing my best to heal from everything. And writing it down helps.
Back in 2015, I met a guy named Brandon, aka "Alpha," and I thought the world of him. He seemed like a decent enough guy and he promised me so much. At the time we didn't live together and he provided me an escape when things got rough at home. He wasn't employed at the time I met him, but eventually he got a job at Lowes for a few months. Sure, we argued a few times here and there as couples do. But some things just didn't sit right with me when we did. He would constantly pressure me to talk about things before I was ready to. He got mad at me if I said I visited a male friend in public without him. He got angry because I didn't want to try some sexual things with him. One particular night, I wanted to leave to go home in the middle of an argument (over a belt of all things). He followed me to my car and wouldn't let me shut my door. That alone should've been enough to tell me to never come back. But I pushed it aside...
Fast forward to 2016. He tells me he has plans to go back to school. "Great!" I thought. He could get into doing what he wanted to for a living and we could be happy. He asked me to move with him to Ohio and I stupidly agreed. I left everything I knew behind. My family, friends, job, my cats that helped me through so much. I gave it all up to make him happy. The moving process was hard enough with my grandmother showing herself and degrading me, calling me a list of names. I cried the whole 2 hour drive to our new apartment. Brandon and his family tried to comfort me but they could only do so much. In the end, he was only concerned that he got to live in "his" apartment with me. To try and make myself feel better, I came back home to WV to see a few of my friends play at a music event. Out of fear of an argument, I opted not to tell Brandon I went. All I wanted was to give myself a little escape from everything I just went through. That was a mistake on my part. I came home and he said a friend of his saw me there and he went through my phone while I was asleep to find out for sure. I admitted to it, apologized, and tried to make up for it in every way I could think of. He never forgave me. He always held it against me and brought it up in every argument after, like he was keeping score of everything I did wrong. Since that point, I always told him where I was and who I was with, and even made sure to text him back as soon as he sent me something. He chose to punish me for months by restricting any affection he gave me and even brushing me off if I tried to give him any, choosing video games over mending what I had damaged. I should have left then too. But I didn't. Not for good anyway...
At some point between 2016 and 2017, I moved back home to WV to try and get my mental health under control. My job in OH treated me horribly, I didn't know anyone up there, and I missed working with my people in WV. I was not doing well and I needed my support group of friends and family. Brandon didn't like it and even said I was "abandoning" him to take care of myself. I still came back and stayed with him on my days off. I still worked my ass off to pay my half of the bills even though I wasn't there half the time. Meanwhile, he stayed home and never worked at all. The place was always a wreck. I would come in to help clean up and do chores on my first day, even cook dinner when he got home from school. Looking back at this point, I wasn't a partner to him anymore. I was just free housekeeping and easy sex when he wanted it. I should've stayed in WV. But I didn't...
In early 2017 I finally broke for the first time. I ended up moving back in with Brandon and only driving to WV for work. I tried keeping things between us fresh and interesting. He'd rather spend time playing games and watching youtube though. "I'll come to bed in a minute," I was told. It never happened. He left me at the apartment one weekend in the middle of a massive depressive episode so he could go back to WV drink with one of his female friends with a promiscuous past. I wasn't ok with it, I was always suspicious of the girl considering she's cheated on her partners multiple times since I'd known her. But I pushed it aside and let him go. He never told me where he was or who he was with like he asked of me. He left me wondering for two hours what was going on then acted like I was overreacting when he finally responded. That night, I took a bottle of wine, hiked up the mountain behind the apartment, and drank myself stupid, debating to jump off the cliff edge or not. I staggered my way back inside and took a long shower and went to bed instead after a long talk with my mother and step dad. When Brandon got home, he acted like nothing was wrong...
Things cooled down for a while until summer rolled around. Eventually we got a dog together. I wish we never did. He abused that poor dog from the day we got him. He would yank him out of the kennel and beat him until he yelped, cried, and peed himself out of fear just because he didn't understand commands yet or he had an accident in the floor. We fought over it constantly. He even pushed for me to be like him and hit the dog for punishment. He called it "consistent training." Through all the arguments, he had convinced me that I was crazy and I needed to be medicated. So I went to the doctor and got some antidepressants and anxiety medication. I was "too unstable and crazy" when I wasn't taking my medicine and "he could tell when I wasn't on it." That was a lie. That summer he finally got a job at one of the local parks. I was still working in WV so he would still get time alone at the apartment for a few days a week. One of the days I came home, he went to work early in the morning. So it was just me and the dog there until around 6 in the afternoon. We had our routine and we got along wonderfully on our own. I was feeling a little inspired to learn something new, so I opened youtube on his xbox to search some tutorials since we always used it together. His search history left me shocked and speechless. I was empty inside and hollow. Behind my back he had been looking up other women to please himself to. It's one thing if you talk to me about it. But it's another entirely if you hide it from me. I broke down, talked to my best friend and called my mom. That day, we rented a small uhaul, loaded up all my belongings and took them back to WV for good. I sat on the couch and waited until he came home to tell him I was leaving. He looked stunned. He roamed the apartment in disbelief that I would ever do such a thing. He begged me to stay and reconsider. I refused. I got in my car and headed back to WV...
In 2018, I foolishly lived between homes. Half in WV and half in OH with Brandon. I didn't trust him anymore, but I still tried. He quit his job at the park and was on his last half year of school. Things seemed like they were getting better. But they never really did. He caused me to push my friends away, think horribly of my own family, and reduce my circle to only him and his mother. The lease for the apartment was up in December. By then I had already had my belongings out of the apartment for quite some time. All that was left was his. I got the brunt of his frustration for leaving him to pack his own things and clean "his" own apartment. The rest of the year was spent us living 15 minutes apart, arguing, making up, and deciding where to go next. My health had declined immensely. I was nearly 200lbs (compared to being 145 when I met him), developed a hiatial hernia that caused me to vomit acid in the mornings and cause immense pain in my sternum area after eating, and my wrist had deteriorated to a point that doing almost anything with it for more than two hours at a time hurt. My mental health was up and down. At home, I would be happy and fine. With him, I was irritable and uncomfortable. Eventually, he says he wants to go back to school for a higher degree...
In 2019, I had hit my final breaking point. Brandon had once again went behind my back and tried to hide it from me IN FRONT OF ME that he had been looking at other women. I berated him for it at this point. I had had enough of being taken for granted. I had witnessed him still beating the dog that I helped him get. He held it up against the door by the throat just for growling at him. Anyone who spoke out against him was immediately yelled at and told they were ignorant. He openly spoke about how he thought service workers were beneath him when he was told to get a job after being fired from two separate jobs in three months. I still held on as much as I could, but I could no longer respect him as a person. I stopped caring and went out with my old friends from that concert years ago. One of them that I'm particularly close to told me I needed to get away from Brandon, to run and never look back. He showed me kindness and genuine concern that I needed to make the decision to leave for good. I came back and eventually met with Brandon in a public park. There I broke down and opened up to him, saying if he seriously wanted it to work with me, he needed to make some major sacrifices the same way I had done for him years ago. He refused and even mocked me as I was crying in front of everyone. It was that singular interaction that told me everything I had been denying for so long.
From then on, I was my own person again. For three months, I took back what he took from me. He acted like he owned me still. And I let him believe it up until he moved away to go back to school again. For three months, I pursued my own interests, rebuilding the friendships I had damaged, applied to jobs I never would've even considered before, and even began talking to a friend about healing and faith, all the while using Brandon the same way he used me. The day before he left, I returned to him a check and some clothes and I left feeling a sense of pride in myself. I left him crying on the back of the uhaul his mother paid for, questioning why I would ever do this to him, while I walked away feeling not one ounce of guilt for the tears he shed.
Four years of deceit and denial.
It was in May that I was told to run. And that's exactly what I did. I couldn't refuse the truth anymore. Brandon had manipulated me, gas lit me, abused me, and used me for his own personal gain. I let him take advantage of me and my good will for so long. He drained me so much that my own body was trying to kill itself from the inside out. I lost my creativity with him. Anything I produced for him, he would copy and try to make it seem like it was his idea. As much as he tried to tell me it was all my fault, I know it wasn't all me.
The past six months have been ones of healing for me. I've not been in this alone. All the mutual friends we had abandoned him of their own volition, learning that he is someone who is only in things for himself. I still talk to all of them daily and play games with them weekly. They've become like a second family to me. My old friends have shown me nothing but love and forgiveness for my actions or lack thereof. I have a job that I enjoy and an even bigger offer on the table. I've lost weight and am back down to 165lbs, my physical health problems have disappeared (minus the wrist issues), and my mental health has improved immensely. I'm no longer on medication for my depression. I do still have some down days, but they last no more than a day now. My creativity is slowly flowing back and I've even found my love for sculpting and painting again. In these six months, I've fallen for a wonderful man. We've known each other for about two years and we finally decided to give the whole long distance thing a go back in August. He's been very encouraging of my endeavors and gets excited over everything I do for him. The best part of it all, he gives the effort right back.
Things are drastically different than they used to be.
I am happy.
Though I may still struggle, my heart is full.
It may be a little difficult, but I'm going to do my best to upload here again. I don't have much to show for my time away, but I do have some small doodles here and there. I may also be looking to commission some pieces of art here soon. If you know of any artists that are open, I'd love to give them a look.
I hope everyone has been having a pleasant 2020 so far!
Twitter YCH!
General | Posted 6 years agoHey guys! Just letting you all know I have a YCH up on Twitter. It's there for first dibs before I post it here and it goes up for auction. So through Twitter is the only way you could get it for a flat price.
Check it out!
https://twitter.com/sinnabelle/status/1121245903245971456Wrist Pain, Depression, and Lost Spark
General | Posted 7 years agoIt's taken me a long time to write this. This journal isn't going to be a very happy one. Just forewarning anyone who chooses to read this.
Comments will be disabled. I just needed to get this out there. I am ok.
Lately I've been dealing with a lot of things. The physical things have been easier to deal with, but until I had the willpower to get up and actually take care of myself, they took their toll on me. Monetarily I feel stuck. Like there's no upside to anything and no matter what, I'm just going to be stuck in this hole. The emotional side of things is still something I'm trying to figure out. And from the combination of it all, it's led to me losing interest in drawing or anything even remotely close to it. I feel it's time for me to open up and not keep things hidden away and pretend everything is perfect. As much as I try to keep this account professional and not about my personal life, I think these things should be out in the open.
I'll start with the physical issues I've been having.
About two or three months ago, I started having awful wrist pains in my dominant hand. It felt like a spike was being driven through the base of my palm. A few times I was almost in tears just from the pain and fear of losing my ability to do what makes me happy. I understand having surgery on my wrist doesn't mean I can't ever use my hand or wrist again, but at the time, it's all I could think about. And it terrified me. The idea of having surgery on anything scares me. I stopped using my right hand as much as I could, even bought a wrap for it to help with the pressure I was feeling. Simple activities like driving or even using silverware became hard to bare. My wrist would always ache afterward and sharp pains would echo through my tendons. Eventually, my ring and pinky fingers started to go numb at random times through the day or night. I finally set up an appointment with an orthopedic doctor to get everything checked out. Turns out, I have the start of both carpal tunnel and ulnar tunnel. Luckily, it's so early on, I can take steps to prevent it from ever getting any worse. I was given a brace to wear nightly and instructed to continue to take it easy on my wrist, but don't stop using it entirely. On my own, I've been doing stretches to help release some of the tensions in my wrist, and it seems to help. I do still have days where it aches too much to do anything productive. But it's doing better than it was. Unfortunately, this means I am back to square one with building up how long I can sit for a time to draw. Currently, I'm at about 2 hours of working time.
On top of wrist pain, I've been having terrible back pains again. Last winter, I fell down the porch stairs at my old apartment while taking our dog out. Since then, my back has been popping and crackling right where my back hit the step. My family does have a history of back problems, so I'm not too surprised about this one. Just upset that it's happening so soon. It's only been lately that it's come to a point where even having Alpha lightly press on the spot sends me screaming and laying down is even uncomfortable. I haven't set anything up yet for this, but I will soon. I'm debating on going to someone here in town or going two hours away to see my uncle at his chiropractic office.
The last thing I've been dealing with is some gastrointestinal issue. We don't know what it is yet that's causing me pain. When it flares up, it feels like a gas bubble and quickly turns into sharp pains going through my chest directly under my sternum. My mother and grandmother think it could be my gallbladder acting up, because the pain I described to them was near identical to when they had theirs removed. I went to get an ultrasound and an MRI for it, but neither one found anything wrong with my gallbladder. They did however find a spot on my liver. I've since been recommended to a gastroenterologist for a second opinion and a possible biopsy, and will be seeing them in August.
Monetarily I feel like I have nowhere to go. Since moving back, my car has been parked in our driveway, just sitting there collecting dust. I cannot legally drive it because it hasn't been inspected since January of 2016. I tried taking it to get inspected about two weeks ago and was told it would not pass because it had a huge rust hole in the bottom of the floorboard. On top of that, it needs a new tire. Now, in Ohio, I never needed to worry about having my car inspected because it wasn't mandatory state law to have your car inspected. In West Virginia, however, it's mandatory and you can be ticketed for having an expired inspection sticker. So I'm in a position to where I can't afford to get my car fixed, and I have no way to get to a job in order to get the money to get it fixed. Honestly, I'd rather sell it and just get myself a motorcycle or something. But that isn't practical for me right now. Maybe I can trade it in or something. I don't know. I have to talk it over with family first before I make a decision on what to do with my car. In the mean time, the most I can do for money is commissions. And I don't know if I can even offer quality work yet. Sketches, sure. Maybe even a head shot or a bust or a simple reference sheet. But nothing like I used to yet.
From the awful amalgamation of all this, I've gone into a depressive spiral. I've spent so long feeling like nothing is ever going to get better. Normally, I'd say it's not an issue and I can just buy myself a new car and get a nice job at the hospital and dig myself out of this, but I have absolutely nothing left to my name. The money I would have had from my father dying that I was saving for my own future was stolen from me by my own mother. My entire life that I had planned out for myself is now nonexistent and I can do nothing about it. Well, I could, but out of the kindness of my heart, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and giving her a chance to redeem herself. So far she has kept her word. But I feel I can't trust anyone anymore. I've felt alone and hopeless for so long. I've gone to the doctor to get on antidepressants and even that seemed like wasted effort. I was ready to throw in the towel and accept the fact that I would be severely depressed for the rest of my life, nothing would ever help, and that's just how it was going to be. Thankfully we've found a medication that seems to be helping a little. I'm on the highest dose, but even that doesn't feel like enough most days. I've got notes in my inbox just sitting unopened that I just can't bring myself to read. Any time I look at the notifications, I get a surge of anxiety, partly because I haven't replied for so long, and partly because I don't feel I can give a proper response. It's nothing any of you have done. It's me. And I'm sorry. I don't mean to come off as rude or dismissive. I just panic and shut down.
Since being depressed for so long, I've felt like I've lost the spark to create. I've felt like I've fallen out of love with one of my only passions in life. And it hurts. The one thing that made me happy and was an escape for me turned into a chore and a burden. It wasn't fun anymore. I tried pushing myself through most of it, but everything I did felt forced and wrong. I took a long break from it, hoping maybe that would help me remember why I liked it so much when I finally came back to it. Unfortunately, It always felt the same. Forced and draining. I put it down again for a while. I went through some of my old papers and drawings from high school and I saw how much I enjoyed just doodling in the margins, or filling a page with nonsense just because I could. And the spark slowly started to come back. I realized I had put myself in some imaginary confines of what I thought art "should be." That's what made it so unappealing for so long. I was setting rules for myself that didn't need to be set. I've since picked the pen back up and have given it another chance. Even just holding the pen in my hand felt foreign and unfamiliar. But I drew through it until it felt comfortable again. For the first time in a long time, I made something I was happy with. It wasn't perfect and it wasn't pretty, but I was happy and that was all that mattered.
I'm still not to 100% yet, but in time I will get there. I'm still struggling, but I'm trying my best to get through it.I owe everyone an explanation
General | Posted 8 years agoFirstly, I'd like to apologize to everyone for popping out of existence for over half the year. It was never my intention to leave you all hanging with no sign of when I'd be back.
Truth be told, I didn't know when I would be back. But I knew I would return.
Life had gotten to a tipping point. I stayed up all night one night in early spring, sat on the edge of a high ridge behind my apartment, and drank myself silly. That was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I easily could have seriously hurt myself.
But the thing is, I didn't care.
I felt alone and as if no one was on my side anymore. My monster got to me. And I gave in. Depression had overtaken me and it slowly consumed my life. I was angry all the time for no reason at all. And when I wasn't angry, I was crying. I couldn't fall asleep, and when I finally did, I overslept. I had no appetite. Everything I used to like just stopped getting my attention. I couldn't handle being around people. Even trips to the grocery store had me in a constant state of panic and anxiety.
To put it simply, I was wasting away a day at a time.
I eventually moved back to my hometown for a few months when my mom found out what I was going through. I went to the doctor and started taking Zoloft and began to feel better. However, there were too many negative side effects for me to continue taking it. So we switched. The next one didn't help me at all. So we switched again. Still nothing. I'm onto my fourth kind of antidepressant and I am still feeling no change.
Life however, has gotten better. I've moved back in with my boyfriend and he is set to finish school and graduate this December. Our dog is making sure he lets me know I'm loved every day by smothering me in kisses and making me laugh. Food has become one of my favorite things again and I'm cooking nearly every day.
There have been a few bumps in the road (I had to quit my favorite job because the drive began to be too much every week, got some bad news about my grandparents, friends drifting further away), but everything has been improving day by day. I'm back to a good place in life where I can work on art again. I've got my own desk set up and everything!
Lastly, I want to thank everyone for being so patient with me in this difficult time. Again, I am so sorry I made you wait so long and never gave any updates. I'd like to do something to make it up to you. I'll have a journal about it later tonight or early tomorrow.
I promise to never let anything like this happen again. I need to be honest with you all. If things have been rough, I need to let you know.With love,
SinI'm so sorry..
General | Posted 8 years agoI owe everyone an apology and an explanation for my lack of activity. I've had this saved on my phone for so long without posting out of fear of disappointing people.
First off, I am so sorry to my commissioners. Each day that I've been unable to work, I've been eaten up inside with guilt and anxiety. I'm afraid of failing you all and giving you something that isn't what you expected. I want to provide quality work for each of you. I am so thankful that you have all been so patient with me through this. I want to do something to say thank you, but I just don't know what.
So I guess it's down to the biggest part of this journal; why I haven't been around or posting updates.
For the last three months, I have been between living situations. My previous home's environment became too volatile for me to stay. My mental health and self worth deteriorated drastically and I became a hazard to myself. I had to return to my mother's for a while. Right now, I'm between her house and my previous one on days that I can get up there by myself to gather the last of my belongings. I have since been to the doctor a few times to put myself on medication for depression. We're still trying to find one that works best for me. At this point, I am considered a person with severe depression and mild anxiety. I am still struggling, but things are getting better. I won't get into details publicly, but that is the gist of it all.
Through all of this, I have been unable to have a place to set up my computer and tablet to work for more than an hour at a time. I've been trying to get as much as I can done in that short amount of time. Thankfully, I am mostly settled in back at my mother's and I can begin working comfortably again. I plan to have updates out to my commissioners in the next week or two.
Unfortunately, I think after I get this small batch of commissions out, I will be taking a break from taking commissions and working solely on personal works and fanart. I may hold a raffle or two, but I don't know yet.
Thank you all for your continued support.
First off, I am so sorry to my commissioners. Each day that I've been unable to work, I've been eaten up inside with guilt and anxiety. I'm afraid of failing you all and giving you something that isn't what you expected. I want to provide quality work for each of you. I am so thankful that you have all been so patient with me through this. I want to do something to say thank you, but I just don't know what.
So I guess it's down to the biggest part of this journal; why I haven't been around or posting updates.
For the last three months, I have been between living situations. My previous home's environment became too volatile for me to stay. My mental health and self worth deteriorated drastically and I became a hazard to myself. I had to return to my mother's for a while. Right now, I'm between her house and my previous one on days that I can get up there by myself to gather the last of my belongings. I have since been to the doctor a few times to put myself on medication for depression. We're still trying to find one that works best for me. At this point, I am considered a person with severe depression and mild anxiety. I am still struggling, but things are getting better. I won't get into details publicly, but that is the gist of it all.
Through all of this, I have been unable to have a place to set up my computer and tablet to work for more than an hour at a time. I've been trying to get as much as I can done in that short amount of time. Thankfully, I am mostly settled in back at my mother's and I can begin working comfortably again. I plan to have updates out to my commissioners in the next week or two.
Unfortunately, I think after I get this small batch of commissions out, I will be taking a break from taking commissions and working solely on personal works and fanart. I may hold a raffle or two, but I don't know yet.
Thank you all for your continued support.
Love to you,
Sinnabelle.I don't know what to say
General | Posted 8 years agoI'm so sorry I've been gone for so long and I am deeply sorry to my commissioners waiting on their pieces. I am still working on them. If you would like a refund, let me know and I can refund you as soon as you ask.
I'll post another journal later this evening explaining everything. I just can't find the words right now.
I'll respond to notes after the journal is posted.Whoops! Unplanned Absence
General | Posted 9 years agoI hadn't planned on being absent for the most part of September, but as such, life gets in the way sometimes.
Alpha's birthday was the 16th and we pretty much celebrated it throughout the week since I had to work so often. We took a trip the next weekend to see Alice Cooper since that was his gift from his parents. It was his first time seeing Alice and my third.
The weekend after that was Alpha's step-brother's wedding. We actually got to travel all the way up to Pittsburgh for the weekend (a first for both of us!). It was so nice seeing all his family again and celebrating with them.
I should have a few weeks of down time before my birthday. And I've already got plans for that time! Luckily, they're art plans.
Sometime tomorrow I will have a Halloween-themed ych auction up. It'll be a bit pricey, but it will be fully rendered like this image (nsfw) along with a little extra.
If it's out of your budget, I'll also have a few costume YCHs up later in the week that will be flat-rate.
Anywho, I'm back and I have some sketches stocked up and ready to go!
Alpha's birthday was the 16th and we pretty much celebrated it throughout the week since I had to work so often. We took a trip the next weekend to see Alice Cooper since that was his gift from his parents. It was his first time seeing Alice and my third.
The weekend after that was Alpha's step-brother's wedding. We actually got to travel all the way up to Pittsburgh for the weekend (a first for both of us!). It was so nice seeing all his family again and celebrating with them.
I should have a few weeks of down time before my birthday. And I've already got plans for that time! Luckily, they're art plans.
Sometime tomorrow I will have a Halloween-themed ych auction up. It'll be a bit pricey, but it will be fully rendered like this image (nsfw) along with a little extra.
If it's out of your budget, I'll also have a few costume YCHs up later in the week that will be flat-rate.
Anywho, I'm back and I have some sketches stocked up and ready to go!
Commission Info
General | Posted 9 years agoPricing:
Base Prices:
Sketch- $20
x.
Lines- $30
x.
Flat Color- $35
x.
Shaded- $45
x.
Fully Rendered- $75
x.
Extra Fees:
Extra Character- +Half Base Price
Complicated Markings- +$10
Out-of-Date Ref- +$15
SecondLife Ref- +$15
Things I will NOT draw:
Overly rainbow characters
Ref Sheets
Bestiality
Watersports
Scat
Diapers- just no.
Overdeveloped Muscles
Cub/Underage Porn
Pregnancy as a fetish
Exceedingly Overweight
Egg-Laying
Rape
Multi-gender (in NSFW situations, I am not yet confident in my ability to draw them yet)
Incest
Hyper Anything
Fat Fetish
Inflation
Multiple Genitalia (meaning no more than 1 Penis, 1 Vagina, 2 Breasts, and 1 Anus)
Multi-breast
Comic Pages
Humans or human-like characters
Foot Fetish (no foot jobs. just paws are ok)
Transformation
Micro/Macro
Things I WILL draw:
Blood
Gore
Light Bondage
M/F- preferred
M/M and F/F- on occasions
Trans Characters
Tasteful Nudity
Porn
Anthro
Feral
Complicated Outfits
Pokemon
**If you do not see what you have in mind up there, please ask me first!
Disclaimer and Legal Stuff:
-My characters are mine, please ask me before you commission someone else to draw them. Gifts from you are fine, but nothing paid for please.
-I have the right to upload all artwork I create unless under special circumstances.
-Please don't ask me for any kind of underage nudity under any circumstances, I'm incredibly uncomfortable with this and you will be added to the blacklist.
-Do not edit any of my work or have anyone else edit it without asking and gaining permission first. Doing to without permission will result in being blacklisted.
-Payments will be through PayPal only, I will send you an invoice with the amount to be paid.
-Payments MUST BE MADE UP FRONT. This goes for all commission types. If getting payment together is going to take longer than expected, please inform me beforehand, I'm very understanding!
-I will send a sketch of the image first to make sure everything is looking good to the commissioner. Work will resume on the piece after a response to continue or alter something.
-REFUNDS. I will give full refunds for any piece that is not started and taking longer than it should upon commissioner's request. However, once a piece has been started, I can only give back a partial refund based on the work already completed.
-I reserve the right to turn down any commission at any time for any reason.
-If I feel that I cannot work with you in a reasonable manner, I will give a full or partial refund and decline any further commissions.
Anything Else?
-Be straightforward with what you want, please. Try to keep it as simple as you can.
-Don't push anything on me. If I don't want to draw something, leave it at that or ask if I would like to draw something else.
-If you do a chargeback through PayPal or if you fail to pay for a commission after it has been completed (special circumstances only), you WILL be blacklisted and refused any future business.
-Don't be afraid to ask me if I will draw something I haven't mentioned, I'm not gonna bite!
-When I'm streaming, please respect the rules and don't stir up drama.
Base Prices:
Sketch- $20
x.
Lines- $30
x.
Flat Color- $35
x.
Shaded- $45
x.
Fully Rendered- $75
x.
Extra Fees:
Extra Character- +Half Base Price
Complicated Markings- +$10
Out-of-Date Ref- +$15
SecondLife Ref- +$15
Things I will NOT draw:
Overly rainbow characters
Ref Sheets
Bestiality
Watersports
Scat
Diapers- just no.
Overdeveloped Muscles
Cub/Underage Porn
Pregnancy as a fetish
Exceedingly Overweight
Egg-Laying
Rape
Multi-gender (in NSFW situations, I am not yet confident in my ability to draw them yet)
Incest
Hyper Anything
Fat Fetish
Inflation
Multiple Genitalia (meaning no more than 1 Penis, 1 Vagina, 2 Breasts, and 1 Anus)
Multi-breast
Comic Pages
Humans or human-like characters
Foot Fetish (no foot jobs. just paws are ok)
Transformation
Micro/Macro
Things I WILL draw:
Blood
Gore
Light Bondage
M/F- preferred
M/M and F/F- on occasions
Trans Characters
Tasteful Nudity
Porn
Anthro
Feral
Complicated Outfits
Pokemon
**If you do not see what you have in mind up there, please ask me first!
Disclaimer and Legal Stuff:
-My characters are mine, please ask me before you commission someone else to draw them. Gifts from you are fine, but nothing paid for please.
-I have the right to upload all artwork I create unless under special circumstances.
-Please don't ask me for any kind of underage nudity under any circumstances, I'm incredibly uncomfortable with this and you will be added to the blacklist.
-Do not edit any of my work or have anyone else edit it without asking and gaining permission first. Doing to without permission will result in being blacklisted.
-Payments will be through PayPal only, I will send you an invoice with the amount to be paid.
-Payments MUST BE MADE UP FRONT. This goes for all commission types. If getting payment together is going to take longer than expected, please inform me beforehand, I'm very understanding!
-I will send a sketch of the image first to make sure everything is looking good to the commissioner. Work will resume on the piece after a response to continue or alter something.
-REFUNDS. I will give full refunds for any piece that is not started and taking longer than it should upon commissioner's request. However, once a piece has been started, I can only give back a partial refund based on the work already completed.
-I reserve the right to turn down any commission at any time for any reason.
-If I feel that I cannot work with you in a reasonable manner, I will give a full or partial refund and decline any further commissions.
Anything Else?
-Be straightforward with what you want, please. Try to keep it as simple as you can.
-Don't push anything on me. If I don't want to draw something, leave it at that or ask if I would like to draw something else.
-If you do a chargeback through PayPal or if you fail to pay for a commission after it has been completed (special circumstances only), you WILL be blacklisted and refused any future business.
-Don't be afraid to ask me if I will draw something I haven't mentioned, I'm not gonna bite!
-When I'm streaming, please respect the rules and don't stir up drama.
Finally Settled In!
General | Posted 9 years ago
Well, we finally got all settled into our new place. It took a few extra days, but we got there. Alpha is back in school and I finally have a proper place for me to work in the apartment. It's so good to finally be at this point in my life. If you want to skip all my ramblings, there's a tl;dr at the bottom.
The day of moving was quite possibly the worst part of the whole experience. My grandma put a lot of stress on me just for moving out from under her roof and starting my own life. Needless to say, I probably will not be going back to visit her on the holidays or any other time of the year because of how she behaved and how she treated me. But I won't get into that here. I had so much love and support through it all from my mother, my family, my friends, Alpha, and his family.
I had a job lined up for me when I got here, and I like it ok, but I'm not entirely sure how long I can stick with it. As of right now, they are only working me once every two weeks. And that just isn't going to work out for me. I can't possibly pay bills on that one tiny paycheck. On top of this, I am apparently the only fully trained employee there besides the three managers. And as big of a store as this is, I am really surprised they don't have everyone trained for everything. I'm hoping I can get more hours soon, but if I can't, I'll be picking up a second job. And I really don't want to do that unless I absolutely have to.
I'm also afraid of having money issues with moving, so I'll be supplementing my income here and there with commissions, YCHs, adopts, etc. To get going again, I'll be posting up a raffle later this evening. Nothing super fancy, but nothing underwhelming either. I've got a few sketches ready to go, but none fit any of my characters. We also have some pretty decent internet now, so I have even more opportunity to stream!
Thank you all for sticking with me through this huge art drought. I'm in a much healthier environment, and I can't wait to get back to drawing for you guys.
tl;dr: Finally moved, job is giving me hardly any hours, will open for coms, might stream more, raffle posted tonight, ty for sticking with me.
Little Things Make Me Smile
General | Posted 10 years agoThe other night I was driving home and stopped at a light. I looked in my rear-view mirror to see a car with three people in it. The person in the passenger seat was crying, the person in the back was hugging them, and the driver was wiping away their tears.
I don't know why the person was crying, but it really warmed my heart to see that he wasn't alone and that he had friends right there with him that cared dearly for him. In those few seconds stopped at the light, I got a massive appreciation for people and how kind they can be towards one another. It made me realize just how much I care for my own friends and even people I don't know.
I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that they aren't alone, no matter how much you think you are, there's always going to be someone there. They may even be a complete stranger like me (believe me, I wanted to get out of my car and hug the guy that was crying), but there is always someone waiting for you.25 journals skipped
