Hey everyone,

Sorry i been gone for a few years. I lost my login for the site and just got everythomg back in order. I also been busy with life (adulting sucks majorly) but i have learned a bu ch of new skills.

I am now able to breath fire and i am a bdsm fire master. For those who may not know what that is. I use fire on my partners to fulfill their/myown needs. I will hopefully soon be getting a fire flogger! Which will mean whoever i use that on will geta nice hot back massage.

I also neen focusing on the haunt i have been a member of since 2006. I am fairly high up in the ranks. So just advancing my spfx skills. Orginizing the fire show troop so they can preform outside the haunt! Which takes alot of time up too.

But i notice i have been missing aomething while i been gone and that is the furry fandom. I want to try to make more friends here and make plans to go to my first convention. What would be a good first? Please let me know. Along with get my refernce sheer finally and mayne look into getting my fursuit. Soooo any and all advice will be awesome!

*curls up into a fluff ball*

so yea i dunno what to think anymore and it is getting to the point where i am tired of a lot of shit in life again. I try to show interest in many different area( IE: friends, mates, others) and no matter what i try to do it always seems that no one wants to hang out with me or spend time with me. I just made plans the last three weekends in a row and each one was canceled. No phone call or text to let me know that plans have changed or anything. They never contact me or anything. I am left at home waiting for a reply that never comes to me about hanging out.

So the only thing that i can think of is that no one wants this wolf at all :(

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4601734/ <<<<check it out

I have had time to cool down since my last blog. I just had a really bad day then. but since then i have been focusing on my Degree and what i need to do to get into the proper classes. Yea i am going to study a little bit before taking the enterance exam since when i took the practice one it showed that i need to brush up a few things. Then once i start college in 2 years i will have my associate and get a good job and think about going for the next step in the degree.... but when i get to that point is when i will cross that bridge...

Wow. this is the fastest any fandom has pissed me off this much. This fandom since i joined last september have been nothing but a bunch of fucking drama. I am tired of all the bullshit i have seen or heard from the people within the group. I tried to be myself and it seems like when i am myself nothing comes of it. NO friends nothing. I am tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. I am also tired of being the one that has to be the one to start the convo all the fucking time too. This last week i did a little experiement and didn't text anyone at all... no one texted me to see what was up. no one messaged me on facebook or anything else that they had. seems like if i would disappear no one would really care about what happened to me at all. I don't think anyone would even realize what has happened to me at all. Life would go on as normal.

And yes this is a rant i am putting here cus i don't want to put it anywhere else and even on here it seems like nothing really get read either :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AvG.....NGS_1rFplpjn3A

http://youtu.be/TUe_szt160U

ughhh its begining to turn into one of those nights that i just hate :(
It seems that whenever i get into this mood i just hate everything. even being alive it seems :/
Why cant i just be able to get rid of this feeling and be able to be happy for once

Ok i know its been awhile since i said anything about the story. I been working on it slowly. between working a lot and then getting really down about not having a mate. I am now up to 5 pages working on the 6th page. I will hopefully have something done in the next couple of weeks and begin to transfer it from my notebook over to my laptop. Which i will then figure out how to post stories on here... maybe i will post it to my google account that way its always online and i don't have to worry about loosing it or anything.

wow it seems like no matter what i just fuck shit up all the time. :( its getting to the point in my life were i am done with all the drama and bullshit that is going on in it and just go back into hiding. Getting away from everything and everyone due to what i learn each day.... maybe i should just go get a bunch of shit and a ton of alcohol and just over load my system(yet i don't knowing that i would hurt more people then help)


ughhhhhh i don't kno what to do anymore :'(

got this off of  kenson

my sona:

E = Crazy as heck
Q = An animal lover
U = Will make you laugh till your sides burst
A = French Kisser
L = Beautiful eyes
I = Everyone's best friend
Z = Loved by everyone
A = French Kisser
H = Freaking hot(ummm i dunno)



Use this to figure out yours! \=n_n=/

A = French Kisser
B = Good Kisser
C = Will kick your tail
D = Very very easy for people to like you
E = Crazy as heck
F = Loves it hard
G = Can kick your booty
H = Freaking hot
I = Everyone's best friend
J = Hot
K = Crazy
L = Beautiful eyes
M = Very good kisser
N = Cool person
O = Different
P = The best at all sports
Q = An animal lover
R = Beautiful/handsome
S = Dern sexy
T = Easy to fall in love with
U = Will make you laugh till your sides burst
V = Most amazing kisser EVAR!
W = Makes people laugh
X = Never lets people tell you what to do
Y = Can be funny and dumb at the same time
Z = Loved by everyone


Have fun!

So as i have all week off to think about stuff. I have noticed that i have become a little bit better about writting. Thats also because of going on to F-List and learning about role playing and stuff like that. but anyways i have started to write a story and so far i like the way it is going and all the discription that before hand i probally would of never thought of while i was writing something.

With this being said i am going to write a few different kinds of story and i will probally post them in here when i finish them to get some of your guys thoughts on them and what you think. But that will probally be awhile since i just started and i am only on the second page of the story.

Ok so I think that sometime this year I am going to go and get a reference sheet made up of my fursona... I just don't know who make them cause i really suck at art. so i figured i would make this journal up with what i want with my fursona and have it all written out when i am ready to have it made i could just copy and paste this for the artist that makes it up ^.^


Fursona:
Name: Equalizah
Breed: Black Wolf
Sex: Male

Description:

A black wolf that has light blue and purple fur that creates a unique markings on his body. The most note-able one you will find on him is when he has his back turned to you. It looks like a dj system or a turntable. his arms has tribal going down them and so does his legs. you will notice his ears are pierced he has in his left one a few rings and his right one has 2 rings and a industrial. His tongue is also pierced. His eyes are the same light blue and light purple swirling pattern(that many people tend to get lost in how beautiful that they look) he always has a pair of Gunnars glasses and his headphones around his neck ready to set up his laptop at anytime to start DJ-ing and getting the party going. The only clothing he likes to wear are a pair of black tripp pants that has a neon green to them.

Hey everyone. I just remembered that i have this page. I will probally update it with random journals and stuff. I suck at drawing but I love to look at what others can draw. I am a great person to know. be nice to me and i will be nice to you.

I am new to the furry fandom and i am enjoying learning what i have learned so far. Grant it that i do need to learn all the lingo but i have a basic understanding of what someone is talking about when they use lingo. ^.^ anyways it is late and i am dead tired. Got to get dressed up to do some acting tomorrow afternoon and its going to be a blast so need the rest. I will write about what happened and how it went.

Cya later guys n gals
~Equalizah