I'm going to be leaving this account

FA's block system is terrible

And this rat wants a fresh start

Won't say the name here because the above FA security problems

But comment below if you want me to follow you on the new one

As most of you know, I made this account to have a fresh start after I realized a friend of mine was making me feel awful

Earlier this week, they contacted me, they'd found my new Twitter accounts

It's been months, and it solidifies one of the reasons for the break

It took them 4 months to try and talk to me. When the break was new, I blocked them on most things, but kept one and our most common channel open, as I'd been waiting a year for a commission. I blocked them in late January, got the art in July. It's been 4 months

It took them 2 months, in March, to realize I'd blocked them. And they were mad, because why would I block a friend?

Who didn't notice they couldn't talk to me for 2 months. After I got my art, I deleted all our chats, and it made me realize that while the longest, this was normal. Ignoring me was normal

Not wanting me to make or change characters was normal. That they didn't like seeing other people's art so much, me showing a commission I got became awkward. They only wanted to see their own

That I gave far more than they did in the relationship

Since they've contacted me again, I've been a mess. I've been on the verge of crying the whole week. Any creativity is shot, and I don't like my characters. Even, and ESPECIALLY the ones that are 'me'

Because I was bound by their perimeters. I hear them critical of every thing I want to change or add. My characters all look the same, you can't keep a character more than a day, why even bother treading old tired ground? Looks too similar to mine, you know that's a staple of mine. I'm sick of people copying me

I thought Matt would be my final name, but all I hear is them saying it. When I'm happy again, I'm happy with Dane

I've had good friends tell me to not even bother with their crap, and my friends are right. But I can't get them out of my head again

I know it'll go more mute as time goes on, I've spent the past few months on a creative hey-day. Really coming into Me. If I want 500 sonas who are just a different species, I can. They're me, of course they look like me

I'll put overbites because that's what I have in real life, and I dig the look. Beards for everybody!

But not now. I know I have genuinely good friends who love me. I've made friends because of this, including befriending the guy I warned because despite being a complete stranger, the ex friend decided to do a 4 day harassment spree for the heinous crime of having a similar inspiration sona

And they're more true to me than anything in the world. But now all I hear is them.

I'm writing this as to not bother my friends. They've been very supportive of my crisis, and I appreciate it so much

But I'm not over it yet, because that guy is bedbug infestation in my mind, and I don't want to keep burdening them with my angst

That's not a friendship, my moping, treading the same ground with this topic. Why do I let someone so terrible take over my mind more than the people who care?

I've locked down accounts, so hopefully it won't happen again. January 20th is the anniversary of me waking up. I want to work towards exterminating them for good

If you read all this, thanks for letting me vent and why.

Some of you know that I made this, and other new accounts, because I was escaping a toxic relationship

My first journal here detailed it. It led to the creation of Roderick, a part of me I treasure

I did keep the account they knew, because I still wanted the pic I paid for, two years ago

The other week I got it. And the other day, they either deleted their account or just blocked me

It’s what I wanted. Christ, they still thought we were friends and still didn’t notice one of my main accounts had blocked them for two freaking months

It always me reaching out, one of the reasons I was done with them. I have plenty of great friends, heck, my new accounts have found me a couple new ones, ones I wouldn’t trade for the world

Why do I feel empty though? Is it because I finally have to confront the fact that someone I’d cared about for years saw me as an afterthought? We had good times, of course. But looking through my backlog, those happened ages ago

Christ, even on a professional level, I waited for ages for what I paid for, while they constantly did elaborate pieces for themselves and took on more work. I don’t wanna be the ‘artists can’t do personal stuff’ guy, obviously. But there’s a limit, yknow?

I feel nothing for that character, a representation of ME, because it’s just utterly tainted by this mess. I want him gone

I got what I wanted, he’s left me. I had left awhile ago. It was dead, and I saw it die. But this week was the funeral and I’m grieving an empty casket.

I spent most of my childhood playing yugioh. I have found memories of going to our friend’s house and having all day tournaments when it was too hot or cold to play outside

I adored the anime, was the first manga I ever read. I was so excited for my first card, a holographic Takriminos, given to me by our friend’s older cousin. I still have it

I remember the Christmas we all got decks and played for hours

I still consider Bakura to be one of my favorite characters of all time

I’m still mad my dad wouldn’t let us watch the finale and had to wait ages until YouTube not only became a thing, but was put up there

There’s not a 90s kid around whose life you didn’t touch

You were a legend, and left us too young

It’s my birthday it’s my birthday!

28 today, been doing a lot of thinking since this one’s an important one to me

I’m happy with my rat, I’ve got good friends. Got a sketchbook and some trinkets from family

I appreciate y’all!

Have my new him type character, and Buck himself is too drenched in bad memories

So thinking of selling him. He’s got 12 pics of I remember correctly. A ref, several full bodies, a few busts/icon

A few of his pics for reference:

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37445660/

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36237533/

What would be a good price? I guess give a range for me to use, or even make an offer if you’d like to have him

Comment below

Keeping Roderick as my truesona, obviously

But ever now and then, I feel like using another animal to represent me. And going to be using a few to do that, won’t be tied down

My feelings, my sonas, my rules

Will be acknowledging each one though, of course. To separate them from regular OCs

Gonna bring my ocs to here, just a heads up

Y'all have known me for years as 'Bulky'. Been away from FA awhile, did some searching.

And the results of that and some drama, have this new account. While i haven't completely turned from that name, its cool if that's what you want to call me because of familiarity, totally fine with that

Roderick, my new rat truesona makes me happy. Never thought I'd pick a rodent (albeit a modified one to suit my tastes, ie his teeth), but it fits my new life

The hat, in addition to being a fashion item he just straight up rocks, is a symbol of my new change

Some of you know that I have come to terms that a former friend was making me miserable.

One item I always wanted to try giving sonas was a (non) baseball cap. Not only did my beloved grandpa wear fedoras, but my one of my favorite characters wears one. And they'd criticize and shut it down it all the time

They'd criticize and shut down a lot. And then go and be completely hypocritical and do the same. I wasn't allowed to experiment with my sonas. If I went to close to their tastes, shut down. If I went to far away, shut down again

Shut me out when they had drama, always accusing people of being against them. either supported them 100% or you're out

They'd ask for attention but ignore attempts to reach out, shun you if you didn't obey. And endless other poisonous bullcrap. They were an an albatross around my neck.

I'm not without faults, I have to admit. But when my real friends have all told me to cut them out, its telling

So, the trilby is worn proudly. If I want to look like a ska band reject in 2022, I will.

I'm sick and tired of living in walls, crawling back to the little hole toxicity kept me in.

This rat is roaming free.

We'll have fangs, wear a formal hat with hawaiian shirts, whatever I want.

Heavy rant, i admit. But still here to be my friends friend. Always open to chat, more active on twitter, which I have on my page, but gonna try and be more active here too

Its nice to see ya'll again