I haven't written a journal in a good while, and this seems like the perfect occasion. Not considering this is a month late....

I graduated from college!

Sorta!

For the past two years, I've been working towards my Associates in Arts at the community college in my area, which was a drastic change in pace that I hadn't experience since high school in over a decade. I put my focus into art classes apart from general education, and while some classes were a breeze, others such as Speech and Life Drawing were brutal. Now that I have my AA, I hope to transfer to another college where I can get my BFA and do something with my art.

It's a bit of a shocker, though, I'll admit. I'm so used to working dead-end jobs at places that require minimal skills that it almost feels wrong to leave that part of myself behind. I'm still a lazy fool and that will never change, and graduating with high marks created a bit of an existential crisis for me. I'll save that for another journal, however, because it's a story that I constantly revisit internally, and I hate every instance.

I've sunk so many aimless years into my art, and while I struggle to have a consistent drawing schedule, I have many ideas that I'd like to bring to life now that I have the confidence and working education to back it up. Nothing is guaranteed, but I'm happy with where I'm at now and where I'm heading in life. My only regret is that it took this long for me to find my path. Oh, and did I mention that I've been working at local libraries for the past two years? Once the quiet kid hanging around the book stacks, forever the adult hanging around the book stacks. I love it. It's funny how things fall into place.

So, as it turns out, I'm fairly decent at drawing NSFW. I told myself I wouldn't draw much of it, but I already have multiple people wanting to see more of it from me, and I'm at a crossroads.

It does make me uncomfortable to draw because of baggage that has nothing to do with the content itself, and while I used to be a prude, that aspect of myself is long gone. I honestly don't mind drawing it, and it can be fun. My guilt is more of a hurdle than anything, though I guess it's not the worst thing to be drawing. I'm still me, and I'll try to keep it fun. I'm way past the age where I should be feeling guilty about it, and this would be a good opportunity to explore what I can and can't draw while maybe gaining new interests.

Apologies to anyone who didn't watch me for that stuff, but you will be seeing more of it. For those who followed me for the NSFW... have fun. I don't plan on making it the only thing I draw (I'm not THAT far gone yet), but I will be uploading it more than usual. It doesn't help that two of my siblings are actually egging me to draw the stuff. Family is weird.

I do have an alternate account that I created for NSFW. I'm debating if I should just dump everything here or start the alt up again. I don't have enough energy anymore to be managing multiple accounts and pretending to be someone else for the sake of discretion, but if people find that to be better, I don't mind uploading to that one instead.

I really don't know what I'm doing half the time when I draw, but then I hear others feel the same way when they create art. I want to get better, yet I still don't feel like it'd be "worth" it since I started drawing with no clear goal in mind. It used to be fun, and it still is sometimes, but it was only ever a hobby for me and I feel my inspiration running dry.

I do think that growing up made me worse with my art. Not so much the skill, but the ideas I had. If there was a way to revisit my nonsensical imagination from when I was a preteen, I feel like creating art would be much more fun. For now, it's kind of a chore. I'll still keep trying, but there is something personal missing though it isn't completely apparent.


Also, it's still odd getting attention for the adult art I've uploaded. They were meant for... personal use, but now I have people getting reeeeeal comfortable with me just because they saw my character being lewd in public. For shame lmao

Now that Charahub is going down, I figured I'd put this here since I've put a lot of thought into it before and it's still useful to me. This is a direct copy and paste so it might look a little awkward, but I like the format. It's also nice to have in case anyone wanted to know about the orange derg!

Some of this stuff is outdated and needs rewriting, but the majority of it is still true to the character.

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Nickname

The Gilded Divider

Gender

Male

Species

Western Dragon

Physical Description

Small orange dragon, no bigger than a shire horse, with a cream underbelly; gray eyes; sports massive bull horns and sharp, long spines riddle the neck and backside; tail has a single row of spines, and the tip boasts triple spearheads; two leathery wings with one horn protruding at the tip of each; a brown streak of rust trails down the top of his snout and ends at his single nose horn; has a beak, and lacks teeth; front feet have three claws each, and back feet have three claws and one dewclaw.

Family

The Alcoves; the Hidden Bay natives

Personality

Hesitant to a fault, Terros prefers being given orders, though he's not incapable of making his own decisions, and his decisions are final. He is driven by emotion and judges with his heart, but is prone to violent and deadly outbursts against those who provoke him or threaten his family. Despite his menacing demeanor, Terros craves peace and quiet.

Sexuality

Heterosexual

Setting

The Hidden Bay:

The new home of Terros; located at the edge of a vast desert made uninhabitable by glass rain. Natural, yet unnatural, the Hidden Bay is a melting pot of various creatures and habitats. It seems engineered, but abandoned by its creators...

Back Story

Born and raised into a reclusive human family (the Alcoves), Terros spent his whelp years hauling metal into large crucibles at a nearby steel mill.

Originally a golden dragon, the few years of harsh temperatures in combination with oxidized metals tainted his scales' color to a rusty orange. Unbeknownst to the Alcoves, golden dragons were sought after by the wealthy and greedy as mere trophy pets; Terros was soon discovered then taken from his home and family by hired men after they ransacked the Alcove's stretch of land.

The nobleman who ordered the capture of Terros, now his owner, took a quick liking to the dragon and flaunted him whenever and wherever he pleased. The nobleman was collecting as many rare animals as he could for quick satisfaction. Terros, confused and overwhelmed by his new surroundings, did little to escape, instead accepting his new position as the spoiled house pet. He soon became acquainted with the other captured animals in the estate, and created a strong bond with an older bird-like dinosaur who spoke of nothing but his homeland.

The dinosaur's stories soon changed Terros's mind about living a cushy life, and they planned an escape to the dinosaur's beloved home. Their escape was forced prematurely when an Alcove, who was tracking Terros, furiously attacked the nobleman's guards at high noon.

Having nowhere to run but into the nearby city and refusing to fly, Terros (and his dinosaur companion) was recaptured that same night. They were in line for a harsh punishing, but the homesick dinosaur, wanting no more of it, retaliated and ripped off one of the nobleman's arms. The house fell silent before the loud crack of a rifle heralded the death of Terros's best and only friend.

The rusted dragon, livid and merciless after having witnessed the death of a loved one, tore through the nobleman's manor in the dark, killing any human he came in contact with. In the aftermath, the dragon picked up his friend's body and flew to the only paradise he knew still existed - the Hidden Bay, the much talked-about homeland.

Ongoing Story

One harrowing journey later, Terros watches over the desert and ocean in exchange for food and shelter. The native animals in the Hidden Bay, which are a wide array of exotic animal species and humanoids, were frightened by the dragon when he first appeared.

Terros dispelled any fear using his words and story, and offered himself as protection against larger foreign beasts that may invade. He conveniently left out the fact he was most likely being chased, knowing that if he mentioned it, he'd be unwanted. Some agreed to his offer and others outright denied him, but Terros proved himself useful to everyone in the Bay when he repelled a band of dangerous desert creatures.

For now, the dragon stands watching, fully aware his past actions will soon catch up to him.

Likes/Dislikes

Likes: Fruit; basking; sharing stories and listening to them; classical music; alone time

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Dislikes: Sudden noises; bleak pessimism; the dark; thunderstorms

Strengths/Weaknesses

Strengths: Bold; excels at close combat because of physical and instinctive advantages; wordsmith; excellent climber.

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Weaknesses: No breath attack; has a fear of flying; electrical surges; suffers from Hero Syndrome.

Extra

If he were a fruit, he'd be a pineapple.

Recently, I've gotten tired of my current routine, and not the kind of tired where you feel exhausted, but more of the annoyed kind of tired. I have way too much free time and I've been squandering it for far too long.

I was never one for schedules, but they might help me in this case so I'm not left wondering what to do every day whenever I get home from work. I definitely want to spend more time improving my art and working on my story, and once the cold lets up, spend more time outside and maaaaybe work out. Those are things I want to do daily, and I definitely have the time for it.

I'll definitely be spending less time playing video games... as if I haven't already. I've been trying to read and watch movies in place of video games and it's been working out so far. I love me some good movies and good books, and they feel more fulfilling for me these days than playing a game. Not that I'll stop games entirely. There's a few I'm really looking forward to and I need them in my life!

Two parking tickets and a new car battery later, I got my car to start.

The cold snap that came rolling in four days ago screwed me over and I was NOT expecting it to give me a hard time. I couldn't go to work two mornings and I was afraid I'd have to get it towed and fixed up, which would have cost me more money than I would have liked to spend.

Luckily, I know a thing or two about cars thanks to my oldest brother, and after watching a few videos about what to do if your car won't start in freezing weather, I managed to get it starting. Not so luckily... I'm set back money-wise, again, and I'll have to find a way to make some bucks to recover what I lost cause of this stupid weather.

It's supposed to warm up again next week and it can't come soon enough...

I miss California.

I actually don't mind the snow at all. I do like it, if I were to tell the truth, but it's a one-and-done deal with me now and I'd like to get back to my 68 F daily weather. Eventually.

So! Things that happened in the past week or so. Not much. My work hours have been slashed in half now that the holiday season is over and we've more or less recovered from the chaos. That's good and bad. Good cause I'll have more free time to work on my art and other creative endeavors, plus I get to catch up on books I've been meaning to read so as to influence my own story.

But it's also bad because that means less money to spend and less money to spend means less good food and I like food and aaahh! I swear once I get more consistent with drawing, I'll open commissions. Again. It's a habit I need to get into.

There are a lot of things on my mind still, though. I feel I'd have to make separate journals just to cover one thought, which are usually fears. It'll be worth it, though. Journals always helped clear my head.

I recently completed Darksiders 3, and I can say that I enjoyed the game, even if it was incredibly frustrating and a bit bland at times. The boss battles were probably its weakest point, which is sad cause Darksiders 2 had some pretty awesome fights. I still prefer the second game over the first and third, but they're all worth playing, I'd say. The story is also interesting and I hope the developers go through with their word on creating a final game, if not just to complete the story.

As of now, I still have about... five games I need to complete, all games that I was going through but dropped thanks to Smash Bros. and Paladins. Who needs new games when you have all these old ones you spent money on but hardly played?

There was a time when I wrote journal entries regularly for no reason other than to write my thoughts and feelings out, since I do struggle expressing them in person and real life. Most everyone I know sees me as this mysterious person, maybe even a little intimidating, because I'm so reserved and quiet. If they were to peek into my brain, they'd understand why! Public journals helped both friends and myself understand.... myself.

Soooo I'll try it. Some may be boring, others may be emotional, and the rest may just be me ranting about all of the terrible drivers out here in Wisconsin, cause holy shit, you can't imagine.

For this first weekly journal, I'll keep it short with a few things I'm looking forward to in the short run of things.

Blood is getting a remaster! Oh my gosh, it's happening. I've been waiting for this for years once the industry became obsessed with remasters and reboots. Blood is easily one of my favorite FPS games ever. It does everything Duke Nukem 3D did, but better, and my bias towards the horror genre makes it a game I can go back to again and again. It's nightmarish, graphic, funny at times, and just plain violent. I recently read up on the lore, too, and it's much more interesting than I initially thought.

Hopefully they add multiplayer co-op across all platforms so I can drag friends across the ideal horror shooter. And yet here I am wanting to spend less time on video games and more time on drawing and writing, ha.


On another note, I've also been wanting to get back into playing the piano but there's this huge issue I have known as not having a piano. I don't know if I'll get one soon, or if I should get one, but I do miss practicing songs during my free time. It definitely beats sitting around doing nothing while spacing out to videos, like I do so often these days.

I've rarely been drawing these days and it sucks cause I can clearly see myself improving, but I always get distracted and do more important things, like sleeping and avoiding responsibilities.

I've also been considering uploading some NSFW art, but I'm not sure how people would handle that. I used to be entirely against it but during the time that I did try drawing the stuff.... I actually improved. Funny how that works. Maybe if there's enough interest!