The most important. the most loved. the person with the highest position in my life. The person that gave me the strength to live to be. My Mother has left this life. She fell asleep in my arms at home. I have believe that even though I tried to help her one more time , she'd already slipped away.

Her heart stopped...
and so did mine.

She vwasn't ready to go. there vwas so much we had left to do. So much SHE Wanted out of this life. so much she never got. But she always, always had me. had my love.

And while I hate it here now. I'm going forward, to remember her. She has always been great at making me do what I don't want to..

I'm everything I am because she loved me.
Sheri Denise McGee - Wallace 02/ 07/1954 - 02/ 20/ 2024

Mission Accomplished!
Stage One Vaccination:
Completed!
(Fuck! Thats one Unbecessairly BIG Needle!)

After Months of trying and a Wicked Boutbwith the Dredded Scourge that knocked mt flat on my ass I have obtained the First of two shots!

Feel8ng: Triumphant!

Oh Fuck a Duck... where do I begin?

So the nursing home the hospital sent ma to was just...  Nope. After all that happened on Monday, I spent two more days incommunicado with ma because the phone system. was fucked up and nobody gave a shit.  Tuesday I spent 75 minutes trying to get someone to pick up a fucking phone. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say that I didnt get to talk to Ma until yesterday.

Getting the assorted staff to speak to me has been the kind of job one needs pay, time and a half and Hazard pay to accomplish.

Oh but today...

Ma fell out of bed twice while trying to sleep walk because she was not being properly supervised.  I contacted the home's corporate management and within 2 hours - Finally everyone from the facility director, to the CNA assigned to her was in a conference with me.

Only now, they want her gone.  Now they realize she needs to be monitored. Something that they haven't been doing. hell its been a week and she's not even been fully evaluated.

So now We're here ah her primary hospital's ER. She's showing no injury from her falls.Q but now the hospital wants to send her back to the same home... 

I'm not having it. not any of it.  But it seems that I don't have a choice.  its After 7 on Friday night and the hospital can't keep her and the home doesn't want her back.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

You know, some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

My Quarantine ended today.

I no longer have covid, but I'm still recovering from covid and I feel like shit.

Momma was supposed to come home today. she refused sub-acute rehab because she did not want to be in a nursing home setting during as this Pandemic drags on..she did not want to be isolated from seeing me.

The hospital brow beat her into agreeing to then rehab transfer. Before anyone called me to let me know plans had changed.

Then when I get to the hospital, She's covered in bruises and welts from what may have been the wrong blood thinner. And I'm suddenly being not so subtly accused of harming her.

They tried to obscure where she was being taken. Then, She's in isolation for 15 days, despite telling me on Friday that visitation WOULD be a thing.

So, I spent about 35 minutes defending myself over bullshit innuendo and non spoken allegations over bruised and more that momma didn't have until she got to the fucking hospital.

Oh, yeah and by the way, a few hours later, Once she gets to the rehab, I get an angry/ hysterical call from momma, Apparently, she wanted a bed pan. and When I get to the bottom of shit, these fuckers are STILL LOOKING FOR A GODDAMN BED PAN

That's where I am right now. I still don't know How a fucking medical institution can't find a fucking bed pan

Oh and Ma is pissed off with Me for some reason.

Hey Guys.

I've been in recovery. Covid Visited my home and attacked not only me, but my mother as well.

God help me i thought her brain was hemorrhaging again. but, it was not so this time. I got her to thebhospital. she was diagnosed and so was I.

She is still being hospitalized She is still quite weak but doing better each day.

We both had Monoclonal antibodie infusions. I'm slowly getting my strength back I'm still alive

Damn

Been a while hasn't It?

A little less than 5 years since I wrote anything in this space, and I can't remember the last thing or time I uploaded anything I've even forgotten how to use fancy formatting like strike throughs!

I'm not sure exactly why I gravitated away from you, but it became a habit. That's got to change.

Okay, that's a lie. I wanted to put some distance between myself and some pain. It takes a lot to write and create and to support fellow artists and get little to nothing back in return. It's hard to not be seen, even when one wants to be seen.

But withdrawing from the community is not the solution either. Hell, No one noticed I was gone anyway.

And What Better occasion than to at least attempt to return than one's Life Day.

The Category is... #LifeDay

Alive Day is the anniversary of a day that you came close to death. It is very popular with military veterans. It is usually not celebrated openly, but serves as a day of reflection.

Today has always been a mixed bag for me. In 1986, my father died 20 days before this day. It would have been his 40th birthday. Today, he would have been 75 years old.

20 Years ago, I came the closest I ever had to my own mortality (yes, much. loser than I did on 9/11 a mere 8 months later) when my appendix swelled and perforated. hospital neglecnce and a severely iimpaired surgeon left in me in a coma. It also lef me scarred for life, and exposed to HIV.

I had to learn to walk again. I was forced out of my career as a stripper, which was a job I really enjoyed. The issues with body image and self esteem I'd had from being an abused kid, only got worse. I struggle with them (and my weight) to this day. Sill, for all those setbacks, I'm glad I made it.

I look back on the last 20 years triumphantly. I have lived fearlessly, proudly, loudly, and boldly. I've done my best to live without anger or regrets. Its a process.. Some days I lose, some days I win, but all days... I endure.

lI am proud of the lives I've touched and made better. If I've ever lit your way on your darkest hour, been the voice of reason in the heart of chaos,, been your brother father or son when you needed a family, or a friend when you needed community or your champion when tou had no more strength to fight, If Inhave ever been your sword or shield or your support when you needed someone, I wanna THANK YOU for letting me be there.

I've held hands with the devil. I have walked with the angels. I have laughed and cried. I have raged and I have been reflective. I have changed, and yet, somehow, I am more myself than ever before. Each and every day I survive my own personal war.

So today, this Marine brat will reflect and be grateful for all the sunrises and sunsets that I've experienced in these preceeding 20 years I've had after I kissed the face of Death and lived to tell the tale. I'm also going to watch the snow and wonder why it always seems to snow on this day, and rain on my Level Up Day.

Happy Life Day!

Today's Playlist
- You Are My Friend - Patti Labelle / Sylvester
- Thank You For Being A Friend - Andrew Gold / Cynthia Fee
- Thank You - Boys Ii Men
- The Way We Were / Try To Remeber - Barbara Streisand/ Gladys Knight and the Pips
- Could it Be Magic/ A Song For You - Barry Manilow / Donna Summer/ Donnie Hathaway /Cher / Sylvester
- That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick/ Gladys Knight / Elton John / Stevie Wonder / Whitney Houston /Luther Vandross
- Anytime You Need A Friend - Mariah Carey
- Reach Out, I'll Be There - The 4 Tops / Diana Ross / Gloria Gaynor
- Adranaline - RuPaul

"And to the ones I love, know that you're the reason why. I dare to live my life. I dare to liberate my mind. You're running through my veins. Make me come alive. - RuPaul

What can I say?

Comic Con was amazing. I got to use 3 out of my 4 days and I got to stretch my cosplay muscles tremendously. There were some low points in the weekend though. On Thursday and Friday I got conscripted to work, despite having booked those days off because people didn’t show up. Saturday, I went in late because the Brainac/Lex make up took much longer than I anticipated.
People not getting that I was doing Go Koga cosplay until I told them (most people insisted that I was Bebop, which made mw facepalm) and the lack of Bleach Cosplayers this year left me somewhat disheartened. I was similarly disappointed at the low turn out of Superman Cosplayers. I got a much bigger response last year but the bottom line is I had fun. Though it seems that no matter what fandom I cosplay from- finding others from that fandom on the day that I am doing said cosplay seems to be impossible.

Who knew my timing sucked so badly?

Still…

On Friday, I got to battle the most amazing Psylocke. On Saturday there was outstanding Praise for my Lex/Brainiac cosplay (especially at the after party as I took first and second place in tow cosplay contests) And the amazing thing that happened on my Sunday Cosplay was the best thing that’s happened to me at a con! I met CHRIS CLAREMONT!

And he signed my Non-Cosplay Cosplay!

Thing is, that I couldn’t get my Galaxy 7 cosplay to work… (The one Galaxy 7 in the world that wont blow up >.>) Because of the heavy rain, and an embarrassing (yet sexy “easy access”) rip in my pants I couldn’t do Lex/ Brainac again. My I couldn’t find the stuff I needed for my Bishop Cosplay (and met an amazing couple doing classic/Gold Team Bishop Cosplay) and since a few cosplay things I had considered wouldn’t work, I was bummed out. I considered not going. Hell, I couldn’t even do L because there was no way I was walking around Javits in Bare feet.

Out of desperation and genius I grabbed a Tshirt and wrote “404 Error COSPLAY NOT FOUND Contact ADMIN for Help.” I was amazed at how many people loved it.

I was even more amazed that Chris Claremont loved it and agreed to sign it! This goes right up there with meeting Austin St. John, Nichelle Nichols and Linda Ballantyne in the same day lat year at Wintercon!

I got pix!

So what should my next Cosplay be?

I have a severe urge to get a wedding dress and a jewel and make a sword and a shield and Lion and cosplay Rose Quartz
But I don’t know… what do you guys think?

Would I make a good Rose? Who do you want to see me do next?

Well I am back after the Great FA Password debacle. Since I've been gone, We Lost Muhammad Ali. That hurts.

Well, if anyone wants to ask me anything. i'm here.

No doubt you've heard that the wold has lost another titan of the airs with he death of Prince Roger Nelson.

I'm taking this one especially hard.

Can 2016 just stop kicking me in the balls now ?

So Folks! it's been Decided... This year's Halloween Cosplay will be Rodin From the Bayonetta games. While I am fairly new to the character, he seems to share similar traits to others that I've played. I think the hardest part will be his Tattoos. So there you have it. What say you all? Think I can pull it off?

Alright Kiddies,

So things haven't been at 100% for me as of late, but you can't keep a Good Mutant down for long. I'm back on my feet. The latest round of Cortisone injections haven't worm off, and while i'm still stiff, The Wheelchair and Braces are gone. Gonna take some time to get back to where I was, but it's a fight... and we all know how much i love a good one of those.

Can't Say I'm happy that I could only get two out of the four days in, The 10th Anniversary was one expensive ticket. Still, I'm going to Wintercon in December. and I did have a Pretty damn good time cosplaying last weekend. I'm over the moon that I've got another chance before the end of the year, I've and two weeks to decide how to my Birthday Rock. I've got Comic Con Pix to post and I'll post them as soon as So yeah I'm bouncing back... Stay tuned!

Seriously, I must have enemies. Trying to get to comic con has been a fucking joke... but I ain't laughin. The only two things that really make me happy are this, and My Birthday. and After, crafting fails, sprained and torn ligaments, Ticket theft, nearly getting frozen out from buying tickets all together earlier this year, doctors taking their sweet fucking time, Traffic jams and now fucking flash thunderstorms Its like there is a motherfucking conspiracy to keep me from cosplaying this year.

What the fuck Did I ever do to anyone to make THIS be a thing?

So, Hellboy and GL are off the table. Lex/ Kingpin has been moved from Friday to Saturday and that leaves me with one Prof X. and One Bishop, which i invested heavily in I don't know what to do but i'm damn mad. I've spent over 1100 bucks on this four day event.... and I can't even enjoy it.

Damn

The management interrupts your regularly scheduled life for the following important announcement

Yeah, so it turns out that I’m not dead.

In recent months… Okay, who am I kidding? In the last couple of years, my creativity has been shit. I’ve had no inspiration to write my drawing is crap and I have not really had the time or energy to really CREATE like I once did. Hell, I have seriously neglected my Fanfiction, DA, FA, SoFurry, Y!Gal and Inkbunny pages. Come to think of It, I MIGHT have a weasly page that I’ve never used. For a while I was using Google Docs, but even that has fallen off. If I didn’t Roleplay with a very select few treasured friends, I wouldn’t be writing anything at all.

That bothers me

Now every now and then I post a few cosplay pics or Food Porn, but that is not really the creativity I once had. It’s not like I was ever that popular, but I felt as if I was contributing something to the artistic communities that I value. I’ve lost that somehow.

I think the worst part of it is that I have neglected many of the people I have called friends. Or that have extended me the same courtesy. I don’t like to think of myself as a bad friend, but just disappearing is a dick move – and no, not the good kind of dick either.

Now, there are ways to contact me and if anyone really cared, I suppose by now someone would have reached out, but chose not to. This journal is not about them, it is about me. However, if you feel as though the shoe fits, I encourage you to wear it.

I could made excuses about my schedule. I could talk about how my life seems to revolve around work, caring for my mom, and sleep and they would be valid because they are true. Still, it wouldn’t be completely genuine either. I find time to dick around on facebook. I check some other sites regularly and I am sill gaming when I have the energy for it.

Anyway, I just feel like something is missing.

Things are changing and I have taken steps to fix this.

For one thing, I have nuked all the journals, and unseen submissions form my queue from the sites I am on. This is so that I have a fresh start.

I’ve agreed to write a new story for a Friend’s Fan fiction website

I’ve also agreed to update and revise some previously posted works on that site.

I’ve agreed to consult on another Friend’s upcoming Webcomic.

I’m going to try to help my brother produce some new content for his series.

As for my own work, I am picking up on a not published work and I also intend to write more chapters in “Shattered” and a few other projects that have languished for too long.

I am working on finalizing my cosplay prospects for ComicCon and Halloween 2015 and looking forward to ComicCon 2016.

But the most important thing I am striving to make a reality is the forging of new relationships, and the rebuilding, resurfacing and maintenance of the relationships that I have neglected. If there are issues between me and anyone reading this, drop me a note and let’s has them out. If you want to talk let me know.

I’ve you have something to say to me, say it, I am a big demon and I can handle it.

The bottom line is, I’m not dead… and my door is open.

It’s your choice whether to walk through it or not.

I now return you to you regularly scheduled life.

Ja ne

I would sing a jingle, but we both know where it would go and it demeans us both sooo let's not and say we did.

All the Sailors have returned to their ships... I wanted more Sea men to play wit... -sad face-

-Sigh-

Okay, so, I’ve loved cartoons ever since I was a kid and I never really outgrew them. The Warner Bros. cartoons were the best, and bugs Bunny Cartoons were my favorite ones of all. One of my all time favorites was “Baseball Bugs” from 1946. In that one, he’s sucked into playing baseball against a team of huge cheating Mo’s called “The Gashouse Gorillas.”

At one point during the game, He tags the Gorilla so hard that he is knocked out and starts hallucinating. Bugs holds up this sign that says "Was this trip really necessary?"

When it comes to the last three days, I’ve been asking myself the same question.

Now anyone that knows me, knows that at least once a day I am forced to utter the words “How the hell you gonna act?” at one time, in one way, shape, form or other. Usually, I can play it off, but what has happened lately is going too far.

I want to start by saying that I respect the medical profession, and the doctors, nurses and others that dedicate themselves to it. Practicing medicine is not only a science, but it is an art that is worthy of respect. I come from a medical family. My grandmother spent over 40 years working her way up through the nursing ranks from CandyStriper to nurse practitioner. I get it. But there is a difference between being a Medical Professional – a Doctor, a Nurse, whatever, and being a self-indulgent, pompous and condescending Jackass.

In the 12 years that I have been taking care of momma, I have met far too many of the latter, and not enough of the former.

This is already a long story so I am going to cut it for time.

Ma finally was finally able to get out to the clinic to see her doctor Monday. It was the first time in nearly three months that her doctor was available, and that she could get there (between the storms we’ve had and her Chair being offline it has been a real bitch) they take her panels and low and behold, He blood sugar was sky high. Why was it so high? Her insulin was not properly regulated. The simple thing would have been to increase her insulin 10 – 15 units and have me monitor her to see if more intensive action was needed.

Despite me being Medical health care proxy / Power of Attorney/ her son/ next of kin, the doctors refused to speak with me. The fact that I am taking care of her on my own doesn’t seem to compute with these morons, except when they want to blame someone for something. Anyway, the head of the clinic INSISTS that she be taken to the hospital. I was told she would have a Direct Admission Order if I would only bring her down.

We wound up spending 9.5 hours in the Emergency Room.

Today, three different teams came – Like they always do, protecting their own particular specialties. Endocrinology/ Diabetes management says one thing, Cardiac says another completely different that contradicts what Endocrinology says and the Nephrology team contradicts both those guys. No one gives momma her pain medication and they bicker at each other through ma because they are all “SO BUSY” that they all can’t come at once to speak with her and make a plan.

They have me come in to discuss things with her team at 1:30 and no one showed up until 4. Then they proceed to bicker and argue because I wanted to wait until EVERYONE was there at the same time. I had to explain that Damn it, I am the one who has to coordinate all this, and in the end, I am the bad guy when it all falls apart.

Damn it

Then, just when I think it’s all settled they the primary doctor comes back to change something else.

Someone just shoot me.

Can you say burnt out? –sigh-

I love Ma, and I do not regret anything I have sacrificed to take care of her. What pisses me off is the people that are tasked to help me do what is best for her, continue to have pissing contests and show that despite the millions spent on education, that I, a man that is two years away from a BA in Psychology, have more intelligence courtesy and professionalism in my toe nail than they have in the amalgamated collection in their bodies.

Sometime, I weep for Humanity.

Which leads me back to the original question…

Was this Trip REALLY Necessary.

So a couple of days ago i was walking downtown, bundled up like a friggin Eskimo and trying to get somewhere warm when I am stopped on the corner of 51st and Park by some Hasidic dude Doing some activist thing. To make a long story short, he gives me a card Reciting the "7 Biblical Laws of Noah" The 4th of which is "Do not have Forbidden relations - G-D has defined marriage" Mind you, this card is written in a "Rainbow" motif and we all know what the Rainbow signifies in this day and age.

So I politely hand him his card back and tell him that I appreciate what he's trying to do, but i don't agree with him. he says, "You're still young, perhaps God will opne your heart" I was floored.

I tell him that I am pretty sure that me being gay is not something that is likely to change. and he says "You never know when God will touch your heart"

I couldn't believe my ears.I felt like I was trapped a christian fundamentalist prison camp. I was twisted when I read this.Why? because I got to believe that a people that were and to this day are so oppressed by others would understand and condemn that kind of bullshit. Or at the very least be about living and letting others live.

But yeah... Just another thing for the WTF file.

Well, it is the year of the Ram Folks.

this year holds special significance because It is the year in which your friendly neighborhood perverted Demon was born

Sp Ram In the good times... I Dare ya !

Where are my fireworks and cake?!

Today I am King Bacchus an you can Ask whatever you like!

It's Singles Awareness Day... Better known as S.A.D The day after the hearts have fluttered, the candy is devoured and people have awakened with hangovers ashamed of what they did last night.

As of Singles needed to be made aware of their situations...

Well... enjoy!

So... its another valentines day... another cold winter's night where the snow falls gently and it's nice to have someone in your arms. Or at the very least the feeling of being wanted.

I can't I just cant. People say I am bitter... sure, Why not I'll cop to that, but the truth is all the happy couples make me want to retch. A little harsh.. yeah - but we're celebrating the date that man man was beheaded for defying the Emperor of some in early Christendom

Perhaps I just hate not being in the club and I am railing against it as odd man out. Or I'm ticked off that I can never seem to attract or keep the guys that I'm hot for. Maybe I am tired of being trapped in the "Friend Zone" Maybe i suck at relationships... Who cares?

Right now there is a pizza with my name on on it and s series of bloody horror flicks and a Kung Fu movie or tow that i haven't seen yet

That's Valentines day for me!

this year's Valentine's theme is a 90's throwback

File this one under D for Dayum!

Okay, so earlier today I am doing a Demo/ sampling for an upscale chocolatier at a popular drugstore chain. It's the Week before Valentines day and I am dressed to impress. It's not like I am looking to land a man, but I'm not turning one down if he comes my way. So tell me why I got two Baptist church girls and a Jehovah's Witness Flirting with me at my table? But that ain't the funny part.

About three quarters of the way during my shift, this rather attractive Asian Girl walks up to me and asks me If I I heard chanting anywhere nearby. So I answer, no but that there was a Buddhist temple not far from where we were. She looks impressed and smiles and asks me what I know about Buddhism.i explain that while it's not exactly my thing, many people I admire practice it, and that it is in part, the basis of some of my most beloved things (Kung Fu Movies and martial arts in general) She responds by Inviting me to her temple, giving me her business card, and writing her home, work, and cell numbers on it so We can go out to dinner.

And the whole Time i'm thinking... Why don't hot guys ever try to pick me up to do half of the perverted godless thing's I'm into? -Faceplant-

It's cold Its snowy... I'm bored. Ask me things!

Or else....

Okay, so in 19 years as a Brand Ambassador / Brand Spokesman / Trade Show Model and the like, I have had some rather unique experiences. I have met some great people, and I have been saddled with some of the most irritating asshats humanity has to offer. It's all part of the game. I've also had some great jobs... and some not so great ones. Asking people "Would you like to taste my smoke meatlog?" Is one of those gray areas that is awkward and fun all at once. Its tongue in cheek way to be sleazy but brilliant all at once, and while some might fine him or self offended the smiles and laughter always seem to out weigh anyone that might feel some kinda way about a little blue Humor...

And then you have the morons.

So I'm out in front of a super market Somewhere in the Lower Hudson Valley sampling my big smoked sausage today in the damn near freezing cold. I;m feeling like crud because hey this IS winter. When a troop of meat is murder . don't eat anything with a face nut jobs take up shop not 15 feet away from me. They set up their little scene of a world reversed where Porky pig is the butcher and it's human meat on the slab. Their slogan... " What if you weren't the top of the food chain?"

Here's where it get fun. because I can think of several instances where man, is not in fact the top of the food chain. Hell, in most situations, a dude doesn't have a gun of some sort, or a knife and the kill to use it - He's lunch.

But pointing that out to this lot would be like trying to to wash the crazy out of Amanda Bynes at this point.

So as they are ruining my sampling, screaming over me with a bullhorn and being general twats. I decided to fall back on a tried a true method that has served me well in situations with this kind of nut...

Turning the tables.

Granola boy: "You're disgusting, How can you serve your fellow living beings on a plate like that... you're dealing death with no remorse

Me: It rubs the lotion on it's skin... It does this whenever it's told

Granola boy: What you're doing is murder... You're poisoning a generation

Me: It rubs the lotion on it;s skin or else it gets the hose again... Yes precious it gets the hose!

Granola boy: (angry) You're sick, you line your pockets with the flesh and blood of helpless living creatures, You're killing yourself with greed... and don't you see how fat and disgusting you are... If were a pig they'd slaughter you for your... Hey lady, don't eat that. .meat is murder...

Me: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chi-an-ti. (slurps)

Bu this tile there is a crowd of people. Some are laughing. some are down right freaked out by me Dressed like a butcher - (or chef Boyardee) holding a tray of sausages and delivering lines from "the Silence of the Lambs"

A fire Fighter stops by and puts a can of Fava beans down on my Display stand... and finally the police come to disburse the "protesters"

This is actually the third time I've run into these kind of people but by far this was the best.

I do wish there were more movies that spoke of cannibalism that I could reference. There is "The Mad Butcher" but that movie was in Italian and not too widely known so quoting from it wouldn't have any affect.

Meh - just another day in the life...

Ja Ne

So in a first, People that follow me on FB Know before Those that Follow me on FA. What is the world coming to ?

Anyway - there is a Text to determine what kind of a pervert you truly are... It seems to be going around the net like a virus. I'm proud to have taken it... even though there were a couple of surprises...

Who would have thought I was that much of a brat?

Results may vary... void where prohibited. Take the test Let your Freak Flag Fly

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Degradation Giver
100% Non-monogamist
100% Pervert
100% Primal (Predator)
100% Sadist
100% Switch
100% Voyeur
97% Primal (Prey)
96% Bondage Receiver
96% Degradation Receiver
96% Dominant
96% Exhibitionist
96% Master/Mistress
91% Bondage Giver
89% Brat Tamer
84% Masochist
75% Daddy/Mommy
75% Experimentalist
73% Brat
71% Submissive
61% Slave
58% All-Rounder
58% Girl/Boy
4% Vanilla
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=61332
Take the test! Dooo iiiit!

Well its a new year for the Demon...

Full of optimism and promise. I had fun last night but the only thing I didn't get was a New Year's kiss...

I'm sure there a hell of a lot more waiting for me up ahead.

So what's on your mind out there...