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Febuary Slump and Vent
Posted 6 months agoThis month... has been perhaps a rather rough one, between work, interpersonal conflicts, struggling to find time to be creative, and struggling to maintain contact with friends and those I care about.
I fear I've hurt and upset a lot of people I hold dear to me and I've gotten myself into a weird state of burnout and frustration.
It can be tough to keep pushing and keeping in contact with everyone you want to keep in touch with time and time again. Added to that, I have a lot of agreements, and obligations I've taken upon myself. Yet, I find it exceedingly hard to ask for help from friends and others when I am struggling. Don't want to be burden to anyone and really don't want anyone to feel like they need to take care of me. This leads to a lot of problems though because this just pushes people away...
It's often rather frustrating... I feel like I can't find a good balance between work, social, and creative lives. I want organization, but want the ability to be spontaneous. I want to be creative, but work sucks away so much of my mental energy. I want to be social, but I also want time to myself. My time management is abysmal because of ADHD and just Anxiety. Getting lost in something and getting super involved in it is both a blessing and curse. You get in depth with it, you really get to doing something with it, yet you lose track of time and the world around you. Others end up frustrated with that outcome, feeling as though you don't care about them. Yet you do, you want to make sure you're there for them, but you also want to achieve your own goals...
Additionally, I had a package I purchased that was not in anyway cheap. It was stolen from my front porch. The manufacturer, shipper, and courier all are refusing to take fault and I'm at a loss of what to do to recoup my monetary losses from the loss of this package. It's beyond frustrating, I expected the courier to take it to a secure point if they couldn't get me to sign off on it. Yet they didn't. I was at work and couldn't step away. All because of this, someone got the opportunity to rob me of it. I was so very excited to receive it, only to have that snatched from me the day I would've received it. I was decimated.
This month... has been rough and frustrating. I don't know what to change. I've been trying to improve, but I also feel kind of stuck with work, creative endeavors, and socially speaking.
In closing, It's been a rough month. Burnout is in full swing... and I'm just kind of dissatisfied with things as they are. I hope next month is better.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts and feelings.
Hope you're doing well.
I fear I've hurt and upset a lot of people I hold dear to me and I've gotten myself into a weird state of burnout and frustration.
It can be tough to keep pushing and keeping in contact with everyone you want to keep in touch with time and time again. Added to that, I have a lot of agreements, and obligations I've taken upon myself. Yet, I find it exceedingly hard to ask for help from friends and others when I am struggling. Don't want to be burden to anyone and really don't want anyone to feel like they need to take care of me. This leads to a lot of problems though because this just pushes people away...
It's often rather frustrating... I feel like I can't find a good balance between work, social, and creative lives. I want organization, but want the ability to be spontaneous. I want to be creative, but work sucks away so much of my mental energy. I want to be social, but I also want time to myself. My time management is abysmal because of ADHD and just Anxiety. Getting lost in something and getting super involved in it is both a blessing and curse. You get in depth with it, you really get to doing something with it, yet you lose track of time and the world around you. Others end up frustrated with that outcome, feeling as though you don't care about them. Yet you do, you want to make sure you're there for them, but you also want to achieve your own goals...
Additionally, I had a package I purchased that was not in anyway cheap. It was stolen from my front porch. The manufacturer, shipper, and courier all are refusing to take fault and I'm at a loss of what to do to recoup my monetary losses from the loss of this package. It's beyond frustrating, I expected the courier to take it to a secure point if they couldn't get me to sign off on it. Yet they didn't. I was at work and couldn't step away. All because of this, someone got the opportunity to rob me of it. I was so very excited to receive it, only to have that snatched from me the day I would've received it. I was decimated.
This month... has been rough and frustrating. I don't know what to change. I've been trying to improve, but I also feel kind of stuck with work, creative endeavors, and socially speaking.
In closing, It's been a rough month. Burnout is in full swing... and I'm just kind of dissatisfied with things as they are. I hope next month is better.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts and feelings.
Hope you're doing well.
New Track - Dawn of a New Year
Posted 8 months agoSince I've been making new Tracks, I decided to make one starting a few days ago while at my folks place.
You can check it out on my YouTube or Soundcloud. Feel free to let me know what you think!
Excerpt from my description on Soundcloud:
"I started working on this track while I was down staying with family.
There were a lot of changes that happened throughout the past year. Many Trials and Tribulations.
Yet through all of that, I have found a new passion, a new voice, and a new calling.
This New Years is much different from last. I have hope, love, and dreams. I've begun living for myself.
I hope whoever sees this track finds a new passion or drive this year. I'll keep working to make more and more tracks and keep finding myself.
Happy New Year. To many more to Come."
I didn't really plan for it feeling the way it does, but I suppose that was the direction I naturally took. As I worked on it more and more, I feel it encapsulates really how I feel about the end of this year and how I feel looking to the next year. I hope you enjoy the track.
To a happy year and many more.
Ever your friendly Nova,
Sierra
You can check it out on my YouTube or Soundcloud. Feel free to let me know what you think!
https://soundcloud.com/sierrakilozulu/dawn-of-a-new-yearhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLsWJ6vJEBYExcerpt from my description on Soundcloud:
"I started working on this track while I was down staying with family.
There were a lot of changes that happened throughout the past year. Many Trials and Tribulations.
Yet through all of that, I have found a new passion, a new voice, and a new calling.
This New Years is much different from last. I have hope, love, and dreams. I've begun living for myself.
I hope whoever sees this track finds a new passion or drive this year. I'll keep working to make more and more tracks and keep finding myself.
Happy New Year. To many more to Come."
I didn't really plan for it feeling the way it does, but I suppose that was the direction I naturally took. As I worked on it more and more, I feel it encapsulates really how I feel about the end of this year and how I feel looking to the next year. I hope you enjoy the track.
To a happy year and many more.
Ever your friendly Nova,
Sierra
Happy New Year
Posted 8 months agoHappy New Year! I know this is my first journal post here on FA. This year has been fraught with a lot of trial and error. Learning to live for myself and explore my own passions.
I've learned a lot about myself and finally accepted a lot more of my wants and desires. Much of my life has been focused too much on being what was safe, and couldn't be judged. Being what others wanted me to be. It's not really a great way to live and it cause me a great deal of strife and suffering.
I made the resolution at the beginning of 2024 to get my mental health handled. I moved out a year prior for a new job, which was tough. My support system was limited, my new job was rough, and I started being able to explore myself more and more. However, the anxiety with work, the stresses from visiting family, and the various events in my childhood continued to over take me and make it difficult to do menial tasks. Luckily, I had a fantastic coworker and a few friends online who counseled me to go and finally go to therapy... take care of myself. I had thought about it before, but never committed. Times needed to change.
Boy was it well worth it. There were certainly times where I felt worse than I was before starting the journey, but looking back, this year has been one of the most eventful and enjoyable years I've had in recent memory. Sure, there was and still is the daily struggle of taking care of myself and my needs. Yet, I've been able to keep pushing myself to growing beyond my limits and accepting myself for who I am.
I've found drive to doodle, make music, work in blender, work in unity, cook more, bake more. I've accepted being a Furry, gotten a Sona. I've accepted that I wasn't really straight at all, that I like... well... all kinds of people of varying identities. I've truly learned more in 1 year than I was able to find in the last 27 of my life.
So, here's to a New Year, a New Me, and Many More Years of Happiness.
I hope you have a good New Year yourself. Regardless of how last year was, please remember, you matter, you can grow. Your past is in the past, who you are today can be worked on, you can find a happy future for you.
Ever your friendly Nova,
Sierra
I've learned a lot about myself and finally accepted a lot more of my wants and desires. Much of my life has been focused too much on being what was safe, and couldn't be judged. Being what others wanted me to be. It's not really a great way to live and it cause me a great deal of strife and suffering.
I made the resolution at the beginning of 2024 to get my mental health handled. I moved out a year prior for a new job, which was tough. My support system was limited, my new job was rough, and I started being able to explore myself more and more. However, the anxiety with work, the stresses from visiting family, and the various events in my childhood continued to over take me and make it difficult to do menial tasks. Luckily, I had a fantastic coworker and a few friends online who counseled me to go and finally go to therapy... take care of myself. I had thought about it before, but never committed. Times needed to change.
Boy was it well worth it. There were certainly times where I felt worse than I was before starting the journey, but looking back, this year has been one of the most eventful and enjoyable years I've had in recent memory. Sure, there was and still is the daily struggle of taking care of myself and my needs. Yet, I've been able to keep pushing myself to growing beyond my limits and accepting myself for who I am.
I've found drive to doodle, make music, work in blender, work in unity, cook more, bake more. I've accepted being a Furry, gotten a Sona. I've accepted that I wasn't really straight at all, that I like... well... all kinds of people of varying identities. I've truly learned more in 1 year than I was able to find in the last 27 of my life.
So, here's to a New Year, a New Me, and Many More Years of Happiness.
I hope you have a good New Year yourself. Regardless of how last year was, please remember, you matter, you can grow. Your past is in the past, who you are today can be worked on, you can find a happy future for you.
Ever your friendly Nova,
Sierra
