I dont know about you, But im finally feeling like im 22.....

Thank you to all the Birthday wishes I have recieved, and I wish a happy birthday to  slushie-nyappy-paws as well ^^

Hey all....

lets just say... ive gone through a lot and am still going through a lot...

and im still here...

experimenting and tryting things out....

but im getting better, thatsa what matters..



Look for some new posts of art soon and CGI and such cause i am BACK!!!!

THis is a letter which was written for papabear, but anyone if they want to comment on this... let me know..

(Life or Death
I dont know
“To Die, To sleep, No More”
no more pain
no more being wrong, an abomination
you win Christians.)

Dear PapaBear,
I've been somewhat lurking and neglecting to post this on here for some time, but in all honesty... I might be dead by the morning light.
I only have one question for you and anyone who wants to answer it, but I might need to establish some background first.

10 years ago, I figured out I was wrong. Wrong for existing, wrong for not doing well at scholastics, and wrong most of all for not being the Christian man I should be.

I was molested by a younger man (whose name shall remain anonymous for his protection,not a fur though)at the age of 11, he was 9 at the time. I tried to secure the newfound friendship because of my family's (then) recent bonding with his family. Both families being very devout Christians, and homeschoolers seemed like a perfect match and I wanted that to happen between him and myself...

I was tricked into being molested, and was told never to tell about it; but for three years I waited until I couldn't take the hatred, disgust and desire to murder the kid anymore. I exploded in anger, wishing I was never born when he was assigned to a group for a game. that next week, I told my parents. They couldn't believe it. I internalized the anger and redirected it from him, back to myself, for being wrong.

10 years ago, I also figured out I liked guys. Mainly I had crushes on both male and female kid celebrities and equated the usual hangout with full blown sex at the time… Making my attraction to guys and abomination, and making ME an abomination.
I knew what the Bible said about Gays as much as any 9 year old would… not much except you had to change or (in my understanding) kill myself to get rid of this “abomination”.

My heart was broken, full of self hatred and guilt for not being the right Christian, and desiring my complete and total destruction. but then, my cousin committed suicide at the age of 12, me being a year younger, he was the closest person I had to a brother. because of how harmful his suicide was to the whole family, I knew I couldn't do that… even though I still believe its what God wants and what the Christians want since i’m Bisexual today.

Because of this, I can ask this question..

What should I do? Live a miserable life hating my entire existence and fighting the urge every 5 seconds to self harm and wound myself; or Live a free life but losing the family and people I love in the process?

I should also add, I’m a third year sophomore going for a Mechanical Engineering degree (Via Tennessee Tech University and Motlow College) to possibly make characters come to life in the future. I’ve never Dated for all 21 years of life, and I live in the bible Belt Buckle Of Tennessee (no getting away from Christian Hatred). My father is a minister, my mother is very devout, my sister is a successful student athlete gymnast in Georgia, and I just try to keep myself from committing suicide because its wrong.

Everyone wants me to live. But only if its their way, or some sort of way that is decreed by the Bible or something else….

All in all, I hate myself, but don't want to, and want to freely live without these thoughts of guilt and hatred towards myself.

Please respond soon,
Slayton James Talon/ ST16

For those who have seen the post before on my facebook......
I kinda told some of the people near me of a recent firm development for myself.....


I'm Bisexual......



I know... I know.... I'm gonna go to hell and such, and that's bothered me for soooo long.......
that's why I cant be the way I am......

But not anymore!

I can be alive and happy for once.....

and now, I join the  bisexual_furs and it feels kinda wierd...... but I like it a LOT.

so, in all, I am who I am... Bisexual and all...

I'll post again soon, I need t get back to work..... HW is bot easy when it's online Cal1... ugh....


L8tr
-Slay Talon/ ST16

Yuupppp......
That downward spiral of crap hasnt really begun to get much better......

....and now I am almost convinced that I need to put myself into a mental institution so they can just make me non-existent already.......

I cant hold on much longer like this... and I need only one thing to happen... me being destroyed....

My art isn't any good,, my desire for the future isn't good, my father considers me to be an abomination to himself and God himself...

What am I supposed to do....... and why should I live?....

everyone who i need to be there cant and or wont be, and I cant seem to make myself strong enough in my mind to not go ahead and forget all about the things I feel are important to everyone else regarding myself, and jus do whatever the heck I desire with the money I make and such.....

although I am 20, I feel like a 15 year old with this feeling of no return.....

I just don't know anymore....


I'll post something more peppy later on, but I basically have had enough with this life of not being real and happy and such... but I cant make those choices to make this life amazing for me any tim here in the future it seems......

I am stuck....

Maybe I should just run away and never return....... O.O

SCAR's voice just went through my head........... not a good sign.....

anywho.. enough ranting bout mah depressed self... DIS WOLF NEEDS SOM SLEEPs
- l8tr

-
Slay Talon/ST16

I am tired of living a life where I feel like I cant have a reason to live, a reason to exist sanely mentally, and without Joy....

I need love..... More than ever before.....

This is my problem..... and I can't fix it....

I want to feel fine about who I am as a person, and enjoy life in doing the things that I love to do.....
Life feels like it's spiraling out of control, I have no purpose that is valid for me to pursue after, apparently according to my peers and people around me.....

This world has so much amazingness in it, but I'm not sure bout myself....

I have a passion for drawing and also pawpetry, but I feel like it's a stupid thing to go into, just because I love it so much.

My dream is to become a designer and possible fabricator of animatronics and themed attractions..... However, this now seems like a stupid and impudent field to pursue.......

I don't know what I am going to do.... But I need to Live, and feel again.....

I have lost all my joy, and I miss it dearly......

I can only hope I can get through this so I can somewhat live a life, probably trapping myself in torture and pain mentally and not really living life.....

But I dunno....

I'll have to see...

*sigh* fels like al I ever do is fail at a test or something...

Like  tychoaussie said in one of his journals, College is getting rough!!!
I'm getting near the end of the semester and I am basically drowning......

This could still be much worse, but I think if I batten down the hatches, I'll get through this successfully! ^^

Wish meh luck!!!!

Stay Awesome
-Slay/ ST16

Well.... dis is new...LO
Got me a Surface pro, and I'm drawing a LOT on dis thingy....
But I am back in college TTU and I'm triyng to figure out a LOT of stuff....

On the other hand, I am currently finishing a few drawings I've done.....
One is of  subastian and so far I LOVE HOW IT LOOKS!!!! ^^
And another is the one I posted on her recently.....
and yet another is for a fellow  tnfurs

But snyways.. wish me luck!!!
Precal is not easy wth Britt litt and chemistry along wth the madness....... ugh...

-Slay/ ST#16

OK... SO KINDA LATE FOR THIS BUT I'LL DO IT
Curse my n00b congoer status!!!!!

"stolen" from  blondefoxy  pup1k  miharu_okami  darky and others.....

OK Here we go!!

Where are you staying?
The main hotel (of AWESOMENESS of course!!

What day are you getting there?
Should be getting there early Thursday afternoon! But I won't be up for hanging out until night time!

How long are you going?
Thursday - Monday!

How are you traveling?
Flying in via Southwest

Who will you be rooming with?
Awesome roomies  shanniecat  phoenixaudubon  rivin2e  kohaku  aidenishot

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
I have no idea... probably  furrydeadlocked if possible.. but I'm goin everywhere.. like a kid in a HUGE toy store!!

What do you look like?
I'm black y'all and I have a pic posted on my page!

What is your gender?
Male
How tall are you?
um.... not 5 feet but not 6 feet, so somewhere in between..

How is the best way to find you?
Somewhere in the con space!! Thursday I'll be in the lobby..


If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Just say hey! Or come up and gimme a hug if ya want to...

Are there any panels you might be attending?
um... well... don't know yet
probably kage's first con goer panel... then we'll see

Will you be going to parties?
Yes, no one could stop me.

Will you be performing?
um probably not.... im a n00b at cons...

Will you be fursuiting?
Nope, but I will once I get a suit!

Do you do free art/trades/commissions?
if anyone wants me to draw for em, I can.. I'm kinda rusty :/

Do you have an artist table?
Nopes, no n00b has one I net...

Are you mated/in a relationship?
Not right now, but I am welcome to a hetero one...

Can I talk to you?
What is this, a silent con?? Of course!! I am very open to convos, especially if we have something incommon for a topic! ^^

Can I touch you?
um... unless I permit a hug, then no..

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
If you are permitted, Yes... but I cant tell what could happen if I do though...

Can I visit your room?
hmm.... if My roomies allow it, maybe..... but if you are a  tnfurs I welcome the fellow furry company...

Can I buy you drinks?
If you want to, but NO ALCOHOL.... Sub 21 age...

Can I give you stuff?
Sure!! but no Naughty stuffs.......

Are you nice?
Mostly.... if you don't make me mad....
I am very nice to people, but I can be aggressive and dogmatic at times....

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Anywhere!! this is my first con so it'll be interesting what happens!!

What/where will you be eating?
Not sure yet, but Ill think of something....
I gotta have me some Chikin' an' fries with some sweet tea... I'm black and form the south, so.....

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
If you wanna, but no naughty stuff, nor moves..... I will be very cautious here....


Can I look in your sketchbook?
Sure!! also, if you want to draw in it, I welcome it! Also if you have comments on the drawings, Id love to hear em!

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
sure! just ask me! ^^


Can I take your picture?
Well if you want to..., Im nobody "famous"..... yet...


What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Have the best 20th B-day and meet awesome furs!!!

Anything else you wanna to know, let me know!!!

Stay AWESOME!!
-Slay


Oh and for you  doctorwhofurs DONT BLINK, cause BAD WOLF will happen on both my Bday and The DAY OF THE DOCTOR.......
(GERONIMO!!!!!)

Ok... so here's the dealio...
I need a good ref sheet made, but I need to make sure I can see the other art from yall first though..
IF ANYONE HAS SUGGESTIONS FOR GOOD REF SHEETS, SEND ME A NOTE....

Also on another note, I am getting ready for MWFF2013!
I just need a con buddy now...... or some sort of guide sense im kinda Clueless, or a Confuzzled Rover (as I call myself)
but anywho, Im gonna have to get some rest! Gonna be workin in the AM!!
-Slay

Ok, Sooooooooo seems like my first roomie isn't going to the con now, but, the new problem is that now I need a new roomie, or I can room with someone there. Thing is that, this is kinda my furst con and all, so I am COMPLETELY new to this...... ?confused? but as usual, I am determined to go to this con!! ?determined? Wish me luck!! contact me via email, note, or even on my FA if you want to talk bout roomin wth me!
-Slay

Ok.... soooo Seems like I may not be getting the internship I desired this summer due to Logistics...... DARN YOU UPS!!!!! (JK just a joke because of their love of logistics)
The really good thing is that they still like me.. so far.. so Animax is really looking into maybe getting me in somehow....

On another note... I NEED to get more stuff done for TTU's FSAE Team before our competiton in Michigan from May 7-11... and our car isn't as toeghter as we really need it to be. In fact, our car needs to be done in 11 days.... EEK!!!!! I'll take pics of the competition car......

Also... this is a big thing for me... I have decided to try to get to MFF as my first ever Con. Why? One simple word. KENOVA.
That's not the only reason I desire to go to the con, but it kinda also comes on my bday weekend! And let's just say I've been wanting this for at least 8 years, and I;m Finally gonna do it... NO matter What.

Hopefully I am beast at these Finals I have..... Wish Me luck!!!!!

Slay

OK... soooooooooooo I got a monoprice graphics Tablet and I am really at a cross roads for where I should start in my transition to digital media. I also want other tips on drawing with a tablet if possible!! Thanks to all who can give me some tips!! And everyone else, Thanks anyways!! Also, I might upload a "promo" of sorts soon of the SHAD3 story. Wish me luck!!
L8ter
- Slay Talon

MEEP!!!
Ok if it's not too crazy, I could use some luck this week....
FINALS is upon me for the first time....

on another note, I am working on finishing my promo for SHAD3 so, I don't know what I'll do next....
also, found out that there was actually a Road Rovers fursuit/ mascot costume out there of Hunter! I SO want to see this thing.....
But anywho, Wish me luck and I'll keep ya posted!!!
-Slay

Ok.... soooo this is the last couple weeks of my first semester and I am kinda worried and such..........
also.. My Big 19the bday is comming and I have NO IDEA WHAT TO PUT ON MY LIST YET........ maybe going to a Con, most expenses paid and such.... IDK... wish me luck!!!
-Slay Talon

OK DIS BE AWESOME
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:29960492
GO HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
GET SOME AWESOMENESS.....

You heard it!!!
I am bringing out new stuff soon....
the SHAD3 Saga might be sooner to completion than most think.....well.. at least the starting points.... So stay tuned...

Hey there every AWESOME fur,
I recently found out that Fangcon might not be within my sights for getting there late...... My dad says he cant get me there untill the second day. I have a post on icon:Tnfurs: that much better explains this problem.. stop by there and check it out if ya can! THis was supposed to be my furst con and I don't want it to be only a one dayer...
http://tnfurs.net/forum/index.php/t.....ic,1304.0.html
Thanks, All of you, even you in the back with a tye dye shirt on....
(LOL)
L8ter
Slay

Gettinn ready for this AWESOMENESS!!!
FANGCON
AWESOME CONTEST!!
"Do you like the parody posters you see in our gallery as much as we do? Here's your chance to have one of your very own.

Win a free Fangcon poster. Place this post in your FA Journal, reply back to us with a link to that post. You need to include www.fangcon.org in the message. I am sure you have seen these contests before? If you aren't able to attend FangCon don't worry. We can twist Keefur's arm far enough to get him to mail it to you. Winner gets to choose from the wide selection of posters we currently have here on the Fangcon FA gallery."
YEAHYUH!!!!
-Slay

Hey furs!!!
I am still having a kinda crappy week, but I will say that the height of it had to be My first ever furmeet at CASA MEXICANA with :icon:Vivaldi_TheArcticFox: and AWESOME :icon:TNFURS: I cant wait untill next week!!!!

Hey furs,
*sigh* College dealt me a cold hard blow of reality this week. I am not doing well in Precal, I got soaked repeatedly, and I have to hide A WHOLE STINKING LOT from my parents.... WHY THIS WEEK????
Wish me luck guys!!
-Slaytonus Depressus

Hey furries!!!
I am trying to hone in my drawing skills, but I feel like I am kinda stuck..... Can anyone help me???? I need to have critiques on my drawings, since I have no idea how to get what's in my head out on paper exactly like I want it. I REALLY NEED HELP. Also, any tips on shading??? I am not the best at it but I need to get better. Thanks all of you amazing furs!
L8ter-
Slay

P.S.: I am working on my SHADE saga and will try to get it going soon between the college life and etc.

Hey o furries,
I have become a real student of TTU FINALLY!!!!! It feels no different yet, since I haven't been in any classes yet. my life is not as crazy as I think it'll be in two days......OY.........................
Wish me luck!!!!
-Slay

4 days left..............................
O.O
well.............. not much to say but I'm sad and happy to be going to Tech. I'll miss my family and friends, but I'll make many new ones!
TN tech, Here I come.
-Slay

Hey furs....
I am not attending UAH, but I will be in TN attending TNtech!!!! I kinda wish I could still be at UAH, but now I am okay with the fact that I am going to TNtech. Since I'll be in Cookville,  TNfurs in that area could meet up with me sometime and hang out! Also, I am kinda looking for a furry roommate and I have said this on  TNfurs as well, so you can contact me there too!! See ya later and wish me luck!! *wags tail*