So for a good amount of time i've been feeling like my life if just a routine and a void. But recently i've found something that did give a light in the darkness. Writing.
I've found a couple muses, but some are fleeting at best. I've found that I have a literary universe going on that has good ideas. I've also found a set of ideas that I had a long time ago that has resurfaced. A set of objects that either permanently or just holding/adorning them transform them into anthro's of various kinds. Issue i'm having is a lack of proof readers.
I'm feeling I need proof readers to check my work and make sure I don't mess anything up. I'm very much an amateur when it comes to writing. I have the ideas, but not the experience when it comes to having things be perfect. I have had some proof reading on one piece, however, life gets in the way of some people's lives and make it hard for them to do the job i'm asking of them.
That's the whole thing with the writing. I've also had ideas of doing digital photo taking, mainly in VRC but a way of doing it none the less.

as the title says i need a white hat hacker to get a troublesome one in my modem. it seems their plans are to work at night and they have some interesting signs of their presence. at night there is now 2 of each program on my computer that i know i don't actually have. the same goes for headsets and other devices that rely on bluetooth and internet. personally i would love to deal with this idiot myself but i lack the skills and need a white hat hacker to get rid of his worm in my only modem.

Recently been doing a lot of spending time alone to figure out some of the things plaqing me. It's mainly just been a lot of things i've found that are causing my stress levels to be high all the time. Been trying to figure out ways to fix or reduce the impact of the ones i can control and trying my best to not worry as much about the ones i can't change. One of the big ones that i can't change is lack of money.
The financial issue is a good bit complicated. 1. no form of transport to get to and from a job, 2. no drivers license to even use a vehicle, 3. no way of storing said money reliably, 4. no bank account to have the money gain interest. The third one is particularly irksome as I did make a cashapp account but i'm unsure i'd be able to access said money as idk how I would do so, and if it does use the SSN I have it won't really work.
One of the few things that I am able to change and fix is how my mind is affecting me. The big things are my piss poor introception causing me to not recognize when the burnout on something is bad enough that it would effect my emotional stability. Another is my lack of impulse control, essentially i'm not saying no to specific urges i'm having and it is making me do things that I either hate or don't need to do right now as it isn't the most important thing in the moment. There is also the fact that I am appearantly easily distractable, idk if this could be wrapped into impulse control or not.
If you can't help financially then all that I ask is that you spread the word to your friends, or post a journal to get it out there.

as the title says i'm not doing good. lately things have gotten to a point i'm on the cusp of having some bad thoughts. my dad as of me writing this isn't helping by obsecing over celebrity deathes videos. idk what or maybe who the fudge he's trying to find but it's triggering my trauma of some very bad deaths im my past. all i will say rn is i'm extremely wanting to move out but would still be missing some important things that i would definitely want to take.
however that's not the only bull chips that's happening. been getting increasingly more pissed and pissed at my current laptop because i can't do a single gosh dang thing without it bluescreening me to death. i've even had some absolutely stupid stop codes on some of them. honestly if it is a hacking a**hole then they need to grow up and get a life instead of making the life of someone completely unimportant to them even more hellish than it already is.
these are just 2 of about 6-7 things that i'm having stack up uncontrollably and raising my stress levels to those of a young person having a heart attack.

For anyone who even cares to read these it's been a while since i did a life update, and now is a crisis so it's needed. the main area that's in crisis is financial, but i'll also update you on my mental goings on as well.

Let's go ahead and rip off the band-aid so to speak. Financially the whole situation regarding the economy has hit us in the food budget. Me and my dad are just barely scraping by. Had to rely on chicken/tuna salad sandwiches, peanut butter and jellies, and soups for the most part the past couple days and i'm unsure that'll change. Now occasionally there is the times we eat out but it's not all that often.

As for getting help on the financial stuff it's not easy as I have no way of getting the money or even an ID to start one. As for mailing checks/money it's not easy either as i'm always suspicious on possible troll mail and/or people wanting to take any and all you have. If you would love to send aid it'd have to be a DM with a photo of the check to see if it is fake or not. After that i'll give the mailing address. This is the safest way I can think to do it as I said I don't really have any digital means.

Now onto how i've been doing on the mental front. It's been a slow decline of ups and downs. Current in a deep down unfortunately. Normally i'd be just fine with being alone but it's starting to take it's toll on the insanely high mental fortitude. The things that are doing the breaking down would be super hard to explain but i'll explain it the best I can.

Been wanting someone in my life at least on vrchat that would give me the love that I always give freely to those that deserve it. But when I do try to be vulnerable and give someone a shot they show something that isn't really something i'd want to deal with. This with events from my past has my heart still caged and locked unless you show me you won't damage it. Should you want to get in contact with me my socials are on my page and my VRC name is TheBurntRose. I know one person I follow has me added in the game already but i'm unsure on anyone that watches me.

If you do friend request on VRC do let me know the name before I see the request and i'll accept it. Other than all that stuff things are just fine, but may not be in time.

as the title says i'm swallowing my pride and asking for financial help as it doesn't seem i'll be able to earn my own money for some time. a potential issue with getting it to me is i don't have a bank account, paypal(locked out cause of no phone), cashapp(haven't set up account) or etc. idk if patreon or gofundme would work as idk if i'd need a bank account for that. currently have 170$ in my wallet but not sure what is needed to start a bank account. no ID yet as i have yet to go to the DMV to get it.

i have plenty of arts/crafts ideas, but as usual the limiting factor is money and all i have is $20. so starting out it'll have to be digital writing. the only obstacle is my demand avoidance, which i'm fighting as i write this, and lack of any motivation. if you do give me an idea it will take a while to fulfill it to completion because of those life factors. later on down the line money will possibly be asked for so i can expand my range of products. but donations to help with those money woes would not be turned down.

wanted to get the opinion of all those who watch me on some arts/crafts ideas i could potentially do to make some money. the first one might cost a good bit in material expenses, cosplay/LARPing props. the others kind of go together; custom minecraft skins, custom dnd minifigures and custom lego minifigures. the the skins and minifigs i was thinking of doing irl paints/edits but also non irl as well. depending on the demand price of supplies might be a bit dicey. anyways that's what i wanted to the all of your opinions on on possible income chances. do comment what you think of the ideas and if they could work out.

As the title says my b-day is in a week, i'll be turning 25. Don't really have a whole lot of expectations for gifts that would be sent in. I haven't really been seen to be all that active, but i do check my notifications everyday. If you do wish to send something ask and i'll give my current address.

Not a whole lot of outstanding stuff, but it's a list.

money(ofc)
steam wallet cards
gifts cards(walmart, itunes)
hexbug battlebots sets

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life update
been living in a double wide trailer a couple months after my last journal. Rent is 400 per month and most of the time i'm by myself while my dad goes and earns the money. Sadly my grandma passed away a couple of months ago. I have properly mourned her death. Aside from that news i've just been living day to day getting my life in line.

well it turns out the person that bought our current home is a friend of my dads and is giving us a month extra to move. also he is gonna try and help us get a place

After tomorrow for me IDK if the people who are buying our house will let us stay til we find a place to live or not so that might be a super long absence from me.

as per my usual self i'm late to put this on social media but we are currently being evicted. we have til the end of this month to find a place and move. the dementia situation is worse also she's getting more schizoid every day. hopefully she gets at least a little bit better.

lately i've been trying to get out of my shell playing some vrchat. I found one friend on there so far but it's definitely not easy to finds friends when your a wall flower that listens in on conversations mostly. so if i could find some others via my social medias. it should be my steam name.

now an update on life, it's a touch worse. in i think a week we're gonna have to find somewhere else to live because of a landlords family issue. my dad is seeing if we can find a place to move, but idk how it will go. keep your fingers crossed.
now an update on my grandma. the dementia is bad as usual but idk how us moving will affect it.

just a little update journal on how life is going. i know i don't really do a whole lot on here except lurk and fave.

still taking care of my grandma while my dad works at a place that doesn't give a damn about their employees health or life stuff. as of right now my grandma has sciatica nerve issues, working on getting them fixed. had a good amount of scares health wise so i'm making this as a general alert in case the inevitable should happen. if/when it does happen me and my dad wouldn't have a roof over our heads so if it's possible in the future for us to live with one of you that'd be great. if that changes in time i'll keep all responses and if one should go kaput then there will be a back up.

got some games i love playing but no one to play them with really. got 5 that i don't really have any others to game with. 1. archeage, a mmorpg with a skill system that keeps me coming back. 2. runescape, the lowest priority one. only real thing i'd possibly need to do with someone else. 3. warframe, got people that i can play with just not that motivated. 4. minecraft, i do know a fair few servers, but not really anybody i know to play with. 5. path of exile, not a whole lot i can think of to do group wise there.

back in the game computer wise. so it was the battery pack actually, went ahead and got a new pc entirely. now i know to only charge it when bat life is low to pretty much dead.

so the connection to charge my computer just went ca-put and no way of keeping battery life up. rip in pieces.

i was just wondering if you guys can see my submissions. i can't, all i see is a no image instead. been needing to ask this for a good while now.

i kind of figured the headphones i was using would crap out sooner or later. with them already having no sound coming on the left side and the other things. i'll have to do things that don't require sound til then. at least this gives me some time to see about the other things that i have to do. if i am able to get a new pair, definitely want wide fit and a mic.

i've had this current computer for 9+ years, and in that time it has surprisingly not been damaged in any way, but yesterday the bottom left corner of the case protecting my screen popped off. i'm not completely sure i'll have this girl for too much longer. i can't really afford to lose her at least not now, when this is the only way for me to get in touch with friends and furs alike, also not to mention it's the only thing that keeps me occupied here, i actually go a little bit nutters/fiddly without online connectivity. just letting the few who watch me that while i normally am very reclusive it may be due to no computer.

after an excruciatingly long and fidgety 7 to 10 days offline i have a new power cord and happy once again. over those days i did have an epiphany. the huge reason why i never really like to be offline all that much is because i don't really have anyone i would really like to talk with face to face not even remotely near me. it wouldn't really have crossed my mind really, but, i guess i had to be separated from the thing that helped cope with it to see it.

unfortunately, someone like me doesn't really have all too many friends. making new ones isn't all that easy either due to my living situation. despite that i have made a couple connections here. despite not really talking or conversing face to face or some other way, i really feel like i can talk to  Katalina about things that are the deepest in my mind.  LegacyTheWolf, your an awesome person i'm really just beginning to get to fully know, and that's great in it's own right.  fox-rox, you and i have more of a mutual friendship, but, i'm fine with it none the less.  ClemFox, i really feel you and i would really get along with each other in a friendly way.
EDIT
i completely forgot 2 others that i have a really good realationship with. there's  taala, a good while back you and i had met via livestream, but none the less i still feel the friendly connection you and i made. now the most recent one  enormouse, like LegacyTheWolf this friendship is ultimately just in the beginning phase, but it's a good friendship none the less.

my opinions on furry network.

it reminds me very much of tumblr. it does have alot of things that up rank it compared to FA. but what i love about FA i haven't really seen on there, probably because i don't have an account. that missing piece is something to message others on the site without having to do it on a an image. if it is there i'll have to see how it compares. aside from that it's an ok thing just really reminds me a whole lot like tumblr.

i had just deleted a former survival world and the first thing i see is that my base on that former survival world is RIGHT F-ING THERE!!!!!!!! right where i placed it and everything IS STILL THERE!!!!!!!!!!(nether portal included.)