Infection is gone, depression is being worked on, and I'm cleaning up my act day by day.

I'm hopefully going to be getting a new computer soon, so I'll be able to trust my art to the now -quadruple- backup system I'm working on.

Two harddrives, DVDs, online filing. Hopefully that will be enough. It's just going to cost way more than I want it to. Blah.

I'm considering using DA's system for prints and whatnot - anyone have any thoughts on the matter? It seems like a pretty sweet deal overall.

Part 2 - I've been missing in part due to the antibiotics from the jaw infection (see the last journal) killing the flora in my belly and permitting a nasty resistant strain of bacteria to take over my tummy. It's made me even sicker than before. I've been in the hospital several times and was admitted with sepsis and a high grade fever that's just left me flat. I have been on three different doses of new antibiotics to try and kill the infection and it seems to be returning again.

I have been so sick it's insane. My husband was laid off and his new job (that was supposed to be full time) indirectly fired him by not giving him any hours. The owner completely avoided him when he came in to ask bout it several day in a row. So now he's working part time at yet another job but yeah it's just fucking brutal all over.

I've been feeling super unwell these past few days and I'm slowly becoming convinced that the infection is back for the third round - and we can't afford the antibiotics that I need to cure it, since the bacteria seem to have adapted to the current ones I'm on (which apparently, after long doses like I've been on - can kill you because they're actually carcinogenic).

I really don't know what I'm going to fucking do.

At any rate - while I was in the hospital, I drew a picture which I will post here. It's not furry, but you might enjoy it.

It was a commission that someone backed out of at the last moment and didn't pay for. Nice of him.

I'm not dead yet, but appearently, I was pretty damned close.

But it does nothing for me to yell at me for being too broke to get something fixed, even if it is threatening my life.

Health care is free in Canada, but DENTISTRY is not. And even when it's termed an emergancy, and even if it's possibly going to kill me, if it has something to do with my mouth, it doesn't matter. A hospital will do nothing but throw painkillers at you and tell you to get to a Dentist 'soon'.

Soon. With zero bucks to my name, you scold me about risking my life and tell me to "do something soon". When you're the only people who will do it for free. That's fucking great.

Fuck you, Canada.

So we risk losing the house, put the credit card back over it's limit and get the teeth pulled (which he would not even reduce the price or do a payment plan for us because "he can't trust us") and pray that our relatives can pool enough money to let us pay the rent.

AWESOME.

While I have to say that Percocets are awesome, the rest of this experience makes me want to scream and kick someone hard in the nuts. Like whatever fucking polititian in this country thought that it would be funny to turn Dentistry into the scamhole that it is.

So while I'm recovering and spending most of my days in a opiate induced sleepstate, my computer was left on. During a day when I am mostly lucid it bugs out, but I think nothing of it, i'm wasted, who gives a shit, right?

Oops. One heatwave later and it bugs out again and I can't get it to reboot. My husband tries to repair it, but it hangs and won't let him repair windows.

So we take it to a guy who says "yeah, this is so much melted slag...sorry about your luck - I might be able to send it to a full-recover place but that will cost over 500 bucks, and there's no real guarentee that they'll find anything."

Well we don't have 500 bucks. We didn't have the money to fix my fucking teeth that were killing me (which was more than 500!).

That's fine - where are my backups? Shit. My external harddrive died last year. My CDs are gone and I can't find them anywhere (my husband thinks we probably threw them out when we moved because backup disks were filling the house). My MP3 player! Where is that? WHY IS THERE WATER UNDER THE SCREEN!?

At any rate. All the backups have failed, my main copies are gone and I am bereft of my digital art.

All I have left is what is on the internet. And that wasn't all of it, nor is any of the stuff here the higher quality versions, as I was always protective of those.

Am I allowed to say FUCK MY LIFE yet?

I'd really like to say that.

I cried that night, but I'm not crying now, I'm too sad to cry. And too mad at myself.

Art dump?!

ART DUMP!

YEAAAAAAH!!!

Do you:
[ ] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish
[ ] You own a designer purse
[ ] You own perfume that cost over $60
[ ] You had/have fake nails
[ ] You have more hair products and body products than you can use
[ ] Your pet is a Chihuahua/Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier(mix)/Siamese/Shih Tzu/mini anything
[ ] You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet
[ ] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp
[ ] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper
[x] A pink comforter, carpeting, walls or sheets
Total So Far: 1

Do you:
[ ] Spend more time at the mall than you do at homework
[x] Have had a hair color that is not natural
[ ] Have "blonde moments" at least once a day
[x] Buy stuff because it's awesome and then never wear/use it
[ ] Constantly keep your phone at your side
[x] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home
[x] Have a name for your car
[ ] Know what celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week
[ ] Refuse to go out in public without makeup
[ ] Prefer to be called "princess"
Total So Far: 5

Do you love:
[ ] Makeup
[ ] Glitter
[ ] The color Pink
[ ] Jewelry
[ ] Mirrors
[ ] Chick flicks
[ ] Shoes
[ ] Rainbows
[x] Unicorns
[x] Disney Movies
[x] Flowers
[ ] Stuffed Animals
[ ] Purses
Total So Far: 8

Do you shop at:
[ ] Coach
[ ] Forever 21
[ ] Victoria's Secret
[ ] Guess
[ ] Claire's
[ ] Express
[ ] Delia's
[ ] Hollister
[ ] American Eagle
[ ] Abercrombie Fitch
[ ] Aeropostale
Total So Far: 8

Do you say:
[x] Whatever
[x] Oh my god
[x] Hun
[x] Fugly
[ ] That's hot
[ ] Dunzo
[ ] Darling
[ ] Bff
[x] Cutie
[ ] Hottie
[ ] Skank
[x] Totally
[ ] For Sure
[x] Fabulous
Total So Far: 15

Do you read:
[ ] Cosmopolitan
[ ] Glamour
[ ] Marie Claire
[ ] Elle Girl
[ ] Teen Vogue
[ ] People
[ ] Us Weekly
[ ] Star
[ ] Self
[ ] PerezHilton.com
[ ] Dlisted.com
[ ] Seventeen
[ ] people.com
[ ] usmagazine.com
[ ] popsugar.com
[ ] Pink Is The New Blog.com
Total So Far: 15

Do you love these:
[ ] Legally Blonde
[ ] Elizabethtown
[ ] Mean Girls
[ ] Now & Then
[ ] The Notebook
[ ] A Walk to Remember
[ ] Sweet Home Alabama
[ ] Where the Heart is
[ ] Just My luck
[ ] John Tucker Must Die
[ ] Center stage
[ ] Bring it On
[ ] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[ ] Mona Lisa Smile
[ ] My Girl
[ ] The Wedding Date
[ ] 10 Things I Hate About You
Total So Far: 15

Do you really enjoy:
[ ] America's Next Top Model
[ ] Project Runway
[ ] Desperate Housewives
[ ] The Simple Life
[ ] 8th & Ocean
[ ] Sex & the City
[ ] Grey's Anatomy
[ ] The O.C.
[ ] The City
[ ] Nip/Tuck
[ ] Gilmore Girls
[ ] Degrassi

Total: 15

Take your total and multiply it by 2. Then repost this as "I am #% Girly." With the number you got as the percent of course.

I guess I'm a wee bit girly. I expected to be less, really. But I talk like a girly girl, and that's really what got me. XD

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1447276/ <-- Commissions are open, click here for info!!

1 – Do you and your "fursona" look alike? Yeah. I need to draw her again, though. I generally forget to include my glasses on her, so...that's a difference, that and over the years she's become 'bald' while I have very long hair.

2 – Do you and your "fursona" share attires? Yes, for the most part. When I was thinner she often wore a miniskirt, which I wold have never been brave enough to wear.

3 – Do you share the same sexuality as your fursona? Ish. She's always been straight, due to my creating her before figuring out that I enjoy teh wimmens, too, so while I'm slightly bi, I've never drawn her with a chick before. Hmm...sounds like fun!

4 – If you hadn’t already made your fursona look like you, if you were to change how he/she looked like to make him/her look more like you, how would you think he/she would look like? To make her look more me, I'd have to put glasses on her and give her a long pony tail. I may have to draw this in order to see if it's worth pursuing.

5 – Did you work hard to develop your fursona? What is the (brief) history of your fursona?
Since she is a representation of me, I've never really had to develop her, she's always been part of my psyche. I didn't draw her at all during the years when I was recovering from a mental breakdown, but she did emerge from the other side having gotten just as fat as me in the interim. XD

6 – Do you and your fursona share relationship status? Sort of. I've never really drawn her with the fursona of my mate, though I probably should do this too.

7 – Do you find yourself jealous or upset if you get paired with someone you don’t like or your partner does? No one has. I'd be interested to see it, not really upset by it.

8 – How would you like your character not to be used? No CP, no diapers, no shit-eating? Anything else is game, I guess.

9 – What’s your fursona’s specialty? Being fat and cuddly.

10 – At a score of 1-10 how much are you and your fursona alike? Probably a 9. Some parts of her a a little off, but that's only on the outside. We're the same person inside. XD

Digital Commissions are open!

Open slots: 3
Offer Start Date: 2-Jun-2010
Offer End Date: whenever
Minimum Price: $5 CAD
Maximum Paid: $50 CAD

Time to open up commissions!


NOTE: Paypal Only!

$5 - sketch page (your character, B/W, a few poses from me - will be pretty rough)

Example: http://www.sofurry.com/page/148108/

$10 - Turn around (back, side, front, two detail shots - add flat color for $5, full rendering $10)

Examples:

BW (will be inked!): http://www.sofurry.com/page/148107/

Flat color (will be digital): http://www.sofurry.com/page/150750/ <-- Front

http://www.sofurry.com/page/150752/ <-- Side

http://www.sofurry.com/page/150755/ <-- Back

Rendered: http://www.sofurry.com/page/148159/

$10 - Digital badge (Your character, your choice in general expression, your name in hand lettering - you get two copies, one for a print shop, and one for your profile)

Examples: http://www.sofurry.com/page/148149/

$15 - Pin-up (your character, your choice in pose, simple BG)

Examples: http://www.sofurry.com/page/148150/
http://www.sofurry.com/page/148113/ (no BG = $10)
http://www.sofurry.com/page/148195/

$20 - Full (your character, your pose, full BG)

Examples: http://www.sofurry.com/page/148170/ (it would be better than this, but along these lines)
http://www.sofurry.com/page/147943/ (lineless fully rendered example)

Additional characters - $5. If you're looking for say... your character at the beach with "generic furry beach goers" they'd be considered ONE extra character. If you're talking about a massive family photo - I'll probably give you a deal on that if it gets over 6 characters or so. There is no real limit on how many characters you can stuff into a digital image.

Adult Content - add $5. This is because I can't use this art to represent myself anywhere else. Like...at all. This does not count when one is talking tasteful nudity ("Turn Around" nudity is considered tasteful - arousal detail is not!)

Tasteful: Sexy things (in clothing), hugging, snuggling or giving each other knowing looks.

Adult: Spooge, rape, torture, or sex/masturbation/stimulation of any kind. Bondage is always considered adult, as is gore. (this is subject to change, but we will discuss it first.) Please see the rules section for restricted subjects.

Super-high detail - Price to be negotiated. This is in reference to massively complicated backgrounds or clothing, or something that requires me to do a ton of research in order to present a good product. ie: You want your character to be dressed in a traditional wedding robe worn by rich women in the Ming Dynasty, while surrounded by an ensemble of minor slaves and characters (also in traditional garb) dressing her for her big day. That's going to take me a HUGE amount of time and research...and it's only fair if I get paid for that, right? <3

RULES!

These are a trifle feisty-sounding but I've dealt with enough art thieves, liars, cheats and scammers to fill a lifetime. Most of these rules will not apply to my average commissioner (I hope!)

1. Original characters ONLY. It's okay if your character is in a given style (say...Sonic). But it's not okay if your character is a thinly veiled Sonic...say mixed with a Pikachu. Because really, that's not original. Indeed, you should be shot for thinking that would be original. I also just don't do fan art. I have done pokemorphs in the past, but they were not for profit, and I don't think it's right to make money off of someone else's idea (unless they're paying me!)

2. Strange styles. If your character is in a given style (say, like Sonic) and I do not have any of that style represented in my gallery, do not be offended when I ask if you'd prefer my style. That's just a question. Answer honestly, but also consider deeply why you're asking *me* to do that when you could ask someone who does that style all the time. <3 If you'd like me to do it in a given style, I will. o.O;; It's just so very WEIRD.

3. Payment after initial sketch is okayed. No exceptions. Paypal only. I will never be taking checks or cash through the mail. If you snag a spot you must pay within 48 hours of my price offer or you forfeit your spot. This gives both of us time to discuss ways to save you money (haggling, knocking the price around, discussing art changes, etc). You will get some super-rough sketches to help round out your idea before you must pay. See Section 10 for how that will work!

4. RESTRICTED SUBJECTS: No cub/underaged ANYTHING (this includes clean), no macro/mirco penetration (other macro/mirco is fine), no swallowing-whole vore (gore is fine), no watersports/bodily functions, no diaperfurs. (this list will likely have more things added to it...it's hard to know where the line is - if it's an extreme thing, and I say no, consider knocking back some of the iffy things?)

5. "My choice". In the case of "my choice" poses, I'm going to be attempting to capture your character as you describe them. If they like to read, I'll probably have them reading a book. But that doesn't mean you get to dictate poses.

6. Drama Llamas, please don't Dramallama here. Please. Just don't. I don't care what your issue is, please just don't drag it around here. I can and will block you, and I'll probably report your ass too. (this means if you don't get a spot or you don't have the money, you can whine, sure and fine, but if you start harassing 'lucky' people or ripping on me or my patrons I will end you.)

7. Trolls, if you proceed to be a dramallama for the lulz, understand I may block you. This will not be because *I* don't enjoy you, but largely be due to the raeg of the innocent masses. Innocent masses are my meal ticket and you don't upset the delicate emotional balance of your meal ticket. Meal tickets, I love you!

8. Spots are for everyone and anyone (certain exceptions may apply) and you can't save spots for other people. You can only take up one spot at a time. Please don't bribe me when I'm trying to finish commissions. That's really, really cruel. I'll be doing my damnedest to get this stuff out fast as possible, so spots should open soon.

9. Times change, so do I. Rules may change, prices may change, my availability may change. But if you paid for art you will get it. Period. I take two things seriously in my life, my relationship with my husband and work. If I'm getting paid, that's work. And I'm OCD about it. It'll get done, and it'll be damn well near as perfect as I can get it.

10. Art complaints: To avoid "I didn't want THAT" situations for poses and backgrounds, you'll be getting watermarked updates of the image. I do not ink and I do not color images until you okay them. If you okay something and change your mind later, too fucking bad. Don't okay it if you're not okay with it. Period. Once an image is NOT okay you do NOT get to go back to it without paying me something. Bear in mind that minor changes will not mean a complete redraw and the 'sketch' presented may be deleted.

10a. Watermarked images are watermarked for a reason. You don't need to see something that is not watermarked. Watermarks will say "This is UNPAID FOR and should not have been posted". This is to deter people from forcing me to generate multiple sketches for free on top of their final image. Penalties for "cleaning off" a watermark are severe (ie - I will blacklist you, block you, and report you for posting stolen art). If you wish to later purchase the right to post a watermarked image (instead of going through that) the cost is the price of any sketch - $5. Really, it's not that much. Again, keep in mind that if I moved a character's hand or changed the shape of a paw, the original version will no longer exist. This is only for complete reposing.

10b. All digital images will have an 'invisible' watermark. When I say invisible, I mean it. You won't be able to see it unless you really mess with your contrast settings. I reserve the right to do this in order to protect my artwork. It will also include your name or nickname as the person who owns the character. This protects you as well. All images will also be encoded with both our names - but since this is fairly easy to change, it will only catch the most stupid of art thieves.

I'm going to be moving tomorrow and will not be back until May 3rd...ish.

Umm...I guess that's all.

Yep.

<3

So I'm not going to get to be in the Art in the Park this year. It turns out it's not just an open "lol, come sell yer arts" thing it's a BIG FUCKING TO-DO, requires a vendor's license (which means, I really DO have to start up my personal business...UGH) and you must be juried to get the right to vend, even though you paid for a now-useless vendor's license, on top of THOSE costs, you must pay about $300, most of that going into a membership fee and "right to vendor in Stratford" license, as well as a jury fee. (the jury fee is non-refundable, the rest will be returned only if you're refused).

I had to have paid this and done all this by February, which I had no idea about, so I actually have no right and no ability to sell my art in Stratford during Art in the Park days and could be arrested if caught doing it on other days.

Not to mention that somehow, on art days (if I "get in") it's first come first serve for spaces, you're not allowed to have a canopy to protect your art from sun damage (that's just SO nice), and you can only sell 250 prints of each piece of your work, which must be signed and dated (wtf, really?).

Also - apparently, you MUST attend 10 art days, and you MUST be there for 9am, and you must stay until 5pm or it doesn't count. Note: there are 44 days you can potentially sell during, but rain days, rain half-way through the days, losing your spot to "supercooljackass99" and not being able to find another spot before 9am, and days where you just can't come can add up very quickly.

Does this mean I won't be forking over $300 next December when the juries start, after getting my at-home business off the ground this summer while I grumble about how much it costs to try to make money? Well, I'm a sucker for punishment.

So yeah, I'll be sucking it up and getting this shit done.

Hopefully my husband can put up with me making zilch for yet another year with my artwork (unless I can get ebay to start...being kind?

I need to get on top of things. But you know, this place looks like an interesting way to start.

Ever since I attended Sheridan for animation there's been this conversation buzzing in my head that I had with one of my profs - one of the best cartoonists in the world (Peter Emslie) - about the nature of cartoon animals and furries and how the two, as he puts it, simply do not mesh.

So someone like myself who is a furry and has grown up with furry artwork, I couldn't see or understand the difference, and begged him to explain to me how it all worked.

Eventually he came up with the statement that Cartoon animals retain "an animal nature" while Furry artwork is "a human masquerading as an animal" - which I naturally found insulting, but what can you say to the man who has basically drawn the art for every single piece of Disney memorabilia ever?

You just can't.

So thus, the conversation in my head - looking at the designs of what he considered to be "acceptable anthropomorphism" and where his line was drawn - then take that information and categorize that same development of "additional humanity" to make a full chart of what anthropomorphism really IS.

Thus, I came up with a 13 part "chart" of degrees of anthropomorphism, which may one day be handy as a reference, or perhaps to push someone's stlye outside of what they're used to.

The Chart is as follows:

1 - a normal animal. Emotional content is extremely limited, and can only be expressed through normal animalistic actions (a dog will not "smile" when happy, but it will wag its tail). Relates to humans as a normal animal would. ie - Dinah in Alice in Wonderland.

2 - a thinking animal. Lacks verbalization beyond animal noises, however, it can and does express itself with human emotions through it's eyes, posture and environmental response. Relates to humans as a pet/pest. ie - Pluto the Dog.

3 - a pretending animal. May speak freely and emote as a human does, though certain emotions will still have animal aspects (laying back its ears, or growling). It may wear some limited clothing, but generally, only what a human may dress it in. Will not stand on its hind feet if a quadruped. Relates to humans as a pet/pest, however, this is only an 'act'. ie - the animal cast of 101 Dalmations.

4 - talking beast. This animal acts, dresses, talks and walks like a human even though it's anatomy does NOT allow for it normally or comfortably. It still has largely animal-based features - such as a rat with a torpedo-shaped body, or a bird that must look at people sideways - often animals relate in traditional ways according to their 'base animal' such as a rat being sneaky or a badger being grumpy, and size differences are not considered to be problematic even if there are gross differences. Humans rarely exist with these animals, but if they do, the animals view humans as equals (they do not pretend to be "normal animals"). Quadrupeds walk on their hind legs. ie - Reepicheep from the Narnia series, or Redwall, or Wind in the Willows.

5 - cartoon animal. This animal is STILL an animal, even though his day to day life can be very human. While his animal nature only rarely comes into play, it is still present, especially when he must deal with humans or other animals. Size differences still play some part, though they are no longer always accurate to life. The animal will still have largely animalistic proportions for the puposes of animating (having a short humerus, for example) and beaked and muzzled characters are still proportionate in the face, and while they will have opposable thumbs, their paws still tend towards the animal side. ie - Robin Hood Characters.

6 - the toon. This animal is only JUST recognizable as being 'animal-like' - generally in the torso. The arms are often tube-like, and generally end in the traditional "3 fingered glove". Facial proportions are often exaggerated past the base animal (and are often unrecognizable as a given animal without ears or a tail for reference). The animal may wear clothing, always walks on its hind legs, and while it still thinks of itself as an animal, it has no qualms about messing around with humans. Size differences are generally ignored, and a rabbit or duck may be as tall or taller than a human. ie - Looney Tunes, most major Disney characters.

Thus ends the "cartoon animal" and now we enter the "animalistic human" stage.

7 - lycanthrope. These creatures blend human and animal proportions in a slightly different manner. Even if this is an animal "becoming human" or vice versa, a lycanthrope usually has a nearly human torso with nearly human arms despite the back legs, neck and head being animal-based. This type of Chimerism is hard for people to deal with on a general level which is why it's very common for this format to be used in the horror genre. Usually retains opposible thumbs, rarely wears clothing, and often runs on all fours, though it can stand on its hind legs.

8 - traditional furry. Having a nearly human torso and arms, the traditional furry's head, legs, handsand feet are usually still very animal-based. Like the lycanthrope, this chimerism is hard for people to deal with visually. While no longer capable of running on all fours, digitigrade feet are common, and while the hands may be paw-like they are nearly always opposeble. Faces still retain a proper muzzle.

9 - mascot-style furry. Having a human torso, arms, hands and legs, a mascot furry is only "animal" in the head (which is usually styled to shorten beaks and muzzles), feet (which are always plantigrade no matter what the base animal was) and peripherals (possibly they have a tail or wings)

10 - traditional werewolf. Having a almost completely human body, but often covvered in shaggy fur with a slight muzzle, clawed hands and pointed ears, this style has become less popular, generally for the same reason the lycanthrope (above) is rarely used. At a certain point the uncanny valley creates an uncomfortable feeling in something that is "sort of human" but "not human enough" - which is why this 'form' is used in little but the horror genre.

11 - nekomimi. The traditional anime "cat"girl - though this can apply to any animal. Having almost 100% human bodies, their only completely animal features are usually tails and ears. They may also have obviously 'furred' parts of their bodies, or may be covered in a short dense fur that is only apparent in an extreme close up - they may have some slight semblance of a muzzle (usually only noticeable from certain angles or during certain expressions) and may have clawed hands/fangs (again, they may not always be "obviously clawed/fanged" at all times).

12 - feral human. This is a human with vague animal imprints. They may have fine fur, slightly pointed ears, animal-based eyes, fangs, and sharp fingernails (not claws). They do not have tails or wings. They may be super agile along the lines of an animal, but largely they look and act human.

13 - normal human.

My project, of course will be to draw this evolution of the "cartoon animal" and "furry" arcs with several different characters, just to show off anthropomorphism in all its varying degrees.

((yes my grammar is horrible and my spelling not much better. but I'm tired and this took WAY longer to type up than I thought it would.))

Yep. I'm moving to Stratford Ontario - home of the Stratford festival.

But ALSO home to a little biweekly event called "art in the park" - where in their local park they basically have an open gallery/fair where anyone with any art they'd like to sell can haul it down and hawk it to the festival goers.

This should be a positive thing for me, hopefully I'll be able to find a good printers down that way, get some of my art reproduced and see what I can sell, eh?

Shiny.

Need to get a new scanner. Yesssssss.

I'm lurking. I've been lurking for about a month, scared to type in anything or submit anything.

Partly because I flaked off a long while ago, leaving a few people in the lurch commission-wise (nothing paid for, just some free gifts I never finished). This was largely due to a massive number of factors, partly due to my trying to become inspired with ANYTHING.

So in the past year and a half I've:

~ gotten married.
~ went on a higher dose of my depression/anxiety drugs.
~ accidentally got pregnant.
~ found out that said drugs would kill my unborn child.
~ had an abortion.
~ got off the drugs.
~ had my student debt, which I thought was under control, go into collections.
~ found out that I will not be able to return to my studies (left due to illness) because the debts went to collections.
~ tried to get back into Gaia in like 7 different ways using different shop ideas, none of which took off very well.
~ found out my brother (who in the past year also got married and had a kid) has terminal cancer.
~ gave up on Gaia without even telling anyone where I went or why.

But now...now I'm here, and I've got a TON of art that I'd like to share, but for some reason I'm very nervous about it.

The major reason for this is the idea that some art may be completely innocent in MY mind, but to a furry it is NOT innocent.

I owned a shop on Gaia where I had anthro characters who were to grow from children to adults, and naturally, since I quit fairly early on,I have a lot of pieces that feature young anthros in diapers. if I post them, I run the risk of a few things - upsetting those who would read something sexual into the images and be disgusted by it, upsetting those diaper/baby furs who would watch this account and thereafter not see another piece of "fetish" work, and getting the attention of furverts who would read way too much into the images and start requesting godknowswhat from me.

But here they are, in a folder, just waiting to be posted, and this is one of the few places where people would like them outside of their original context.

So I don't know what to do.

I doubt anyone will read this, of course.

But it's nice to get it out in the open before the war begins.

AMG.

So I'm a lazy bitch who hasn't done anything at all due to moving and FA being down for such a ridiculous amount of time (I know, I know, getting upgrades etc, but it really was a long period of time). So I've opted to do things with my time that were non-furry.

Now I'm back on Gaia. I'm getting ready to do some full blown artwork once we finish moving, doing oil on canvas work inspired by my new shop on Gaia.

So what does this mean for the few people here who I've had badge stuff done?

It means that I haven't worked on my badges since FA went down. Yes I know that's terrible of me, but I like feedback and it's hard to be motivated without. And that's positive or negative feedback. So yeah. Stuff. Boobs.

I'll get to work on things eventually. Just understand that my Gaia shop comes first due to it being the basis for my money-making (selling prints as well as art inspired by pets, etc) I'm very excited about it, though I figure those of you whom I owe art to are far less enthused.

I will say this about the badges, though. I know I'm really not that interested in Furry art as a whole at this time. I can draw it, but I feel less of a connection to it than ever. I don't know what that means for the future, but I'll still be putting art up here. Just might not be Furry art.


Anyways, today I have a massive headache that I'm trying to figure out if it's hormonal, due to a cold creeping in, dehydration, hunger, caffeine withdrawl, the weather, a crick in my neck, or something about my pills.

I don't want to just cover it with pain meds (that might not work) until I figure out the source so I get to have a blinding headache for a while. awesome.

So I guess that's just me saying "I'm sorry if this journal made no sense because my head hurts right now".

Yeah.

And stuff.

I've been feeling off for the past week. Most of my days I've been sleeping for about 14 hours or more, and I'm constantly tired when I'm not sleeping.

I'm trying to straighten myself out, eat normally, sleep normally, but I'm failing so far. I don't know what it is, other than maybe it's because I'm so fragging hot because my stupid bitch of a landlady keeps the AC off when she's not at home and lies constantly when we complain about it. (every single day when I hear her come home, the AC mysteriously turns on within moments of her walking in the door, yet it didn't activate all day, even during the hottest parts of the day...I WONDER WHY?!)

God damn, we need to move.

Long story ahead...lawl...

So this is slightly convoluted. My friend at work thought she could get me a free cat (the woman she knew was a breeder who occasionally breeds her cats to non-breed strains and then gets rid of the ones that don't show signs of the breed) - my fiance randomly agreed because the cat was free.

That fell through and I was really sad about it, but then I asked my fiance if I could get a cat for free (with shots, etc) would that be okay. He actually agreed to that as well. A few phonecalls later, and now I have a very pretty boy.

Only just over a year old (so still adaptable and will be able to deal with the change in ownership fairly easily) also with his first shots and neutered. He's a bit nibbly (he loves to be pet to much he'll bite your hand to pull it closer, not hard, mind you, just grabbing you with his teeth). But it's nice that he's not a scaredy cat either ( I was worried he was when I couldn't find him - turns out he was just under my desk, not even in any of the tiny hidey-holes scattered throughout the apartment.

He came with the name Tigger - which is silly because he's a grey tabby, not orange. I'm thinking of calling him Riker instead.

Why Riker? Because Riker is the man.

It's funny though. He's kinda marked like my fursona on his face. XD He's like a little brother.

In other news, making your own salmon Sashimi is a GREAT way to end up with diarrhea for 2 days. And then later cooking that same salmon (but not quite through, because you suck at cooking) will give you even more diarrhea, and give your fiance diarrhea.

AMG I HAVE A CAT.

Anyways, time to stop messing around and get back to art.

I just dinged 200 watchers. As I said before, I'll do a random number generation on my watchlist, and whomever I pick (provided they have self reference) will get a free picture of their character. XD

If they don't - I'll just keep generating numbers until I find someone who's got references.

Anyhoo, Osiris - I need your references. Half-Breed and Cinhearts, I need your thumbs up on the prelim sketches so I can ink.

Anyways, thank you all. XD I couldn't have done it without you!

AND THE WINNER IS:  Ayndrew

I put all my watchers in the list in a Random.org, then did a random scramble of them - I then went through them one by one to see who a) had posted/fav'ed anything in the past 2 weeks, b) had reference of their character.

Thus Ayndrew won. Next watch kiriban is at 300.

FA News

So I'm still working on the free badges, as one would expect.

However, Osiris still hasn't answered my message to him. I don't know if you've gone offline or not, but I would really like your written description or images or any sort of reference you have.

Also, I found out that I had left myself open for requests (I guess for some reason I thought that meant I wasn't really required to *accept* requests, you could request and I could choose to say no. Or something.) But appearently, I was doing that in bad faith. If I'm open for requests, appearently that unless it's a very extreme circumstance, I should be taking all of them...or else changing my status.

I've opted to change my status. No requests, please.

***

Real Life News

So I think I'm still addicted to WoW. I mean I REALLY want to play it again. I don't know why but I guess it's mostly because I've yet to find anything to really fill the void. Meh. I don't have money for it right now anyways.

I really also want to get high/drunk/wasted/stoned/anything. But I can't because I'm scared of complications with my depression pills. I definately can't get drunk because it'll probably kill me, and anything else I try I risk having nasty side effects because who the hell knows how it'll interact with my stupid pills. Yes, it's stupid to want to get high, but it's being a very annoying itch - it's mostly because I know I can't. BAH.

There are mice in my house. However because I'm fat and the house is a mess capturing them the old fashioned way by simply chasing them down, and snatching them up with a gloved hand doesn't work too well. So I've opted for mousey traps. So far I've yet to catch anything, but with the amount of mousey feces I've found I should be hauling in carcasses soon enough.

I went to the kitty shelter today. There was a VERY friendly young tom named Drake who started kneeding my bandana-covered head (while I was talking to the kitty in the cage below him) through his cage bars. He was about 8 months old, already neutered, and was black all over aside from a dot of white on his chest and a dot of white on his inner back toes. He was so cute, talkavite and very cuddly. But the fact that he kneeded my head just made my day. Such immediate trust. He'll probably be sold soon. I hope to a good family! (also, how do you know when your drugs are working? Normally just thinking about this moment would have me in tears, and I'm just smiling happily...bah...)

anyways, back to drawing.

WATCHERS

My watchers are nearing 200!

Holy hell, when did that happen?

Well, I shall have to do something about this. I'll keep a close eye on the list and when it dings 200, I'll do a random selection of the people who watch me, and so long as the person has been active in the past two weeks and has some semblance of self-reference in their art (even if you think your art sucks) I'll draw you a picture. That way we don't get any cheaters, and I'll reward someone who is an active member of the community.

FREE BADGES?!

Also, because I need samples if I'm ever to sell things on here, I'm offering a badge to the first 5 people who post here (and have some semblance of reference for their character).

The badge will be pure digital, 3x5 and feature your name and your personal character/fursona. I'll give you a high quality version to take to a printers and get printed out at your leisure.

I'll update this and my journal footer as we go along!

1.  osiris (need references)
2.  draggo (references recieved)
3.  halfbreed (references recieved)
4.  cinheartshuskys (references recieved)
5.  blackbearking (references recieved)

Please ignore me, I'm bored, lol.

1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. Gotten/given a handjob.
8. Gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

total: 9/10

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

total: 8/10

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house. it wasn't at either's house
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.

total:8/10

31. Played strip poker/darts/basketball.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.

total 6/10

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

total 7/10

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

total: 8/10

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

total: 6/10

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

total: 4/10

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a family member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months or more.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore
90. Danced like a whore

total: 7/10

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

total: 7/10

Overall percent: 70/100

I'm not very pure...what does motocross have to do with purity?

I hope the rest of the game isn't nearly as surreal as the first few seconds.

You wake up in a dark room, and suddenly a door is thrown open. You look around in a daze and all around you are boxes covered in pokemon symbols.

o.O;;

Walking outside, your mother walks up and says "I hope you enjoyed riding in the back of the moving truck."

OMGWTF.

I am the Harry Potter of the Pokemon world. WARRRRRRGARBL.

EDIT:

Surrealness continues...

Playing on a GBA rom that uses my RAM clockspeed...which means evertyhing goes really fast. I walk into my new house (I get my own room...in a cupboard, no doubt) and there are large monkeys of some sort...HUMPING MY FURNITURE AT LIGHTSPEED, and running in circles, showing classic behavioural issues of animals who have been abused.

This is truely, truely terrifying. Tim Burton would be screaming in horror.

EDIT2:

curiouser and curiouser. My "mother" won't let me leave my cupboard until I set the clock, which is nearly 1am. She then tells me to go out (in the middle of the NIGHT!?) to go meet a man who 'knows my father'. (Nevermind that my mother and father don't seem to have a room in the house...)

If I were on drugs, I'd know I was tripping balls right now.

INCOMING RANT:

So about 4 years back I had a massive toothache - my wisdom tooth had become impacted under it's nearby molar buddy, causing said buddy to crack. It didn't hurt on it's own, so much as it was very painful to eat with (or you know, have hot or cold food with - and it was also developing a cavity at a very fast pace.

So I go to my dentist - now I should preface this by saying that this dentist has screwed my family before for money by performing procedures that were unnecessary, but I still went to him because he was the one I've always gone to.

He looks at my tooth, takes xrays and says "you have three choices - we can fill it, we can give you a root canal (which will be about $1000) or we can pull it - but I don't know how you'll be able to cope without a back molar." He also tells me at this time that I DON'T have wisdom teeth coming in like I should, so if he does pull my tooth it'll be "very hard" for me to eat.

So I ask him how much a filling will be, and he says "about 100 bucks".

So I schedule my appointment, come in, and he gives me a filling. Which takes a very long time (but the freezing didn't come out so no big deal). I also notice that when he uses the fast setter (the super heating gun to make the filling set) it really rather feels like he's burning me - even through the filling.

But I sit through it, and when I'm done, he says "well now, that was a 3-sided filling I just did there, and it may not stay in too well. You probably should have had a root canal done, but it was your choice..."

I don't know what he means, but appearently a 3 sided filling is 300 dollars, not 100. He also scheduled me to come in and get some more fillings put in - I was going to do one at a time, because of money issues, but my next visit he filled two of my teeth instead of just one and I had to borrow a huge amount of money from my mother just so I could leave the office. I swore I'd never come back.

Of course, I was terrified to chew on that side of my mouth because I might knock my big filling out. And the filling, it turns out, is right above the nerve on my tooth, and with only porcelin between that nerve and anything of any temperature - I STILL can't eat anything cold or hot without going into orbit.

The next year my (upper) wisdom teeth grew in - even thugh stupid rip-off dentist had told me I wasn't going to get Wisdom teeth. The one that was impacted grew in sideways and constantly cut the inside of my cheek. It and it's wise little brother turned out to be very hollow (I guess I didn't drink enough milk?) and both broke within a few weeks of breaking the skin and developed very painful cavities. I suffered as long as I could and eventually got them both pulled - but when I was favoring the one side of my mouth due to the cavity guess what I managed to do?

I knocked my filling loose. Awesome. Within a week the sharp edges of enamel that were holding the filling in place were chipped off, and I started to develop another cavity. Well I've been freaking, freaking broke and I tried to keep the bugger clean as long as possible to stave off an infection (which is really what makes a cavity so painful), but eventually it became infected.

So I eye up my fiance's antibiotics that he's had hanging around the house, and opt to take a few to get rid of the infection.

It works - but then I develop a yeast infection (like I always do when I take antibiotics). And then the toothache comes back. And I'm coming up on my period so my tits really hurt which means I'm not sleeping...basically at all.

I mean, AT ALL.

I don't want to take more antibiotics (even something prescribed to me) because I know it's not going to help the cootchie problem, I'm eating painkillers like candy, and I only get about 4 hours of sleep at a time because after the painkillers wear off my tooth sends me back into orbit.


The only thing that's really keeping me sane is the notion that somewhere, someone's got it so much worse it's not even funny. I mean, I could have lepersy, or 3rd degree burns, or AIDS or be stung by like a million bees, or you know, like tons of stuff.

Anyways, I just needed to get that off of my chest. Aaaaaaaand stuff.

So I'm back to that decision that plauges every furry artist.

To draw porn or to not draw porn.

Now I've long gotten over being able to draw it, and also gotten over how many people are going to start requesting everything under the sun (easily handled, at any rate - I say if you ask the answer is always no, kthxbai).

I'm interested in it topically at this point as well, but my sole concern is really YOU.

You guys are my watchers, some of you active, some not, but I've never done porn/yiffy art before and I know that some of you will drop your watch based solely on the fact that you never wanted to see yiffy crap. Since I'm not going to stop drawing non-yiffy stuff, you'll be missing out on art you might actually want to see.

So here's the real question, would YOU prefer:

1. I create a secondary DA account solely for yiffy stuff, and leave this account as a clean one.

2. I clearly mark yiffy pieces with thumbnails that have a warning sign. (not a big fan of this one because it obscures the art for casual browsers)

3. Me going ahead and drawing anything I want (with proper tags) because you're all mature enough to just ignore yiffy things if you don't want to see them and won't be dropping a +watch over something as silly as an artist exploring their sexuality through art.

4. Me going ahead and drawing anything I want (with proper tags) because you have the mature filters on so you're not going to see it anyways.


I ask because I care and sure drawing yiff will get me a boatload of new watchers, but that's not the point to me. You were my first watchers - and as such hold a special place in my heart.

So fire away. Any suggestions would be loved!

I was poking around someone's journals from a year ago, and found this very cute meme journal.

So imma do it!

[A is for age]
26

[B is for booze of choice]
Cocktails. Any sort.

[C is for career of choice]
Fine Artist and Writer

[D is for your drug of choice]
Opiates

[E is for one essential item you use everyday]
Computer.

[F is for favorite song at the moment]
I have far too many to list, so I'll just say the song that's running through my head at the moment - Through the Fire and Flames by Dragonforce.

[G is for favorite game]
Ocarina of Time.

[H is for Hometown]
Kitchener, Ontario

[I is for instruments you play]
I sing and I can also play the piano and the recorder little bit.

[J is for favorite juice]
Orange Juice, Lychee Juice.

[K is for kids]
None.

[L is for last hug]
My fiance before he went to work.

[M is for marriage?]
Dec. 27th 2008. Hells yes.

[N is for nickname]
Lynx, though in WoW I was known as "Dem"

[O is for number of overnight hospital stays]
2, only I was too young to really remember them.

[P is for phobias]
Needles, bugs, and a meriad of social phobias like not being able to sit inbetween people I don't know (I'm okay if I can sit next to a wall or an aisle), not being able to walk into a store and ask for help, not being able to really talk to people who are "in charge" (I generally burst into tears).

[Q is for quote]
When you look at an Atheist, they spend every moment living, because they know that when their time is up, that's all they're getting. - random webcomic.

[R is for biggest regret]
Thinking that you could really find love online. What a fucking sham.

[S is for singing]
Often. And loudly.

[T is for time you woke up]
11am...ish

[U is for underwear]
White cotton panties.

[V is for vegetable you love]
Corm

[W is for worst habit]
Surfing the interbutts when I should be doing other things instead.

[X is for number of x-rays you've got]
Lots.

[Y is for yummy food you make]
Tuna pasta salad. ::drool::

[Z is for zodiac sign]
Cancer.

Last night while suffering from an amazingly painful toothache (and waiting for my painkillers to kick in) I went digging around in my files looking for art I hadn't submitted to this place.

I found a piece of Babyfur art that had been drawn for a contest and submitted it including the phrase "I'm not into babyfurs, cubart or CP-like fetishes"

BIG FREAKING MISTAKE.

I wasn't associating the three things, it was merely a list of things I'm not into.

I woke up to several very angry babyfurs who felt the need to bash me because I was supposedly calling them a bunch of pedos.

Bloody fucking hell.

So I deleted the whole mess and resubmitted it with a more informative description.

To the babyfurs I pissed off, sorry about that. I thought the comment I made to the first babyfur who questioned me explained the matter, but I guess not.


Note to self: Stick to your own fetishes. Shit. It's not worth stepping on everyone's toes.

I thought I was like up to 2k pageviews, and now I'm down to 1200?

And it says I have no journals.

Well...probably none worth reading. <3

UGH, I HATE INSOMNIA.

Anyways. I love you all, even if your pageviews never get recorded.