But I'm done with music. I've tried everything I know to do. And none of it has ever felt good enough. I've been actively singing for fun and for entertainment for 23 long years and that run has come to an end.

Hell it was why I chose to BE a wolf.

Take that outta me and what have you got except just a factory cut out black and red wolf with no hobbies in common.

But no matter what I did...I didn't feel it was enough. I didn't feel it was perfect. And last weekend's problem with YouTube started all this. And now we're here. What's next? I dunno. Live? Live with a suit and barely anything to do with it? Pictures, very few people like? Never going to cons? Yeah no wonder people don't like me. I'm boring.

Yeah, you read that right...the wolf's on a permanent hiatus.

What's going on, I know that's not something y'all wanted to see first thing today. I don't really even know how many people are still actively on or engaged with this website, period. But as some of you know, for years...10 freaking long ass years...I have provided you with entertainment the likes of which have stretched my boundaries on what I can do, pushed imaginative thoughts and boundaries far beyond what I thought weren't even possible.

Alas, this is a sad day for the channel known at raiden676, or Shadow Wolf, on YouTube.

Need an explanation?

So on November 1st, I received an email notification directly from YouTube that stated that my Favorites playlist was under investigation and was later found to be against community guidelines for what the report read was against "child safety policy". Now...before going any further, I want you guys to know that that playlist, before 2020, wasn't touched for a long...long time. The latest video that was favorited before 2020, was a video way back in 2014. That's 9 years ago. Think about that going forward.

And as most of you are probably aware, YouTube did a pretty big step in creating guidelines that mandated people into providing an option into their content whether the creator deemed it safe for children to view or not, and giving the creator a choice whether to label their new content as safe, yes kids can view this...or no, kids are not allowed to view this.

To me, when I go back and look at the content in question (I no longer have the playlist but I can safely assume I think I know which video prompted the investigation), I look at a furmeet video where fursuiters were in the presence of children...which I won't link the video...but you can safely assume (I mean, you are respectable adults after all), that everything was wholesome, good clean fun. There were no children, let alone anything harmed, in the making of the videos. In fact, the channel that made the content I actually got to be pretty decent friends with them a long while back. In fact, I'm in a few of those videos. Thus why there were added to my favorites playlist.

Alas though, years later, YouTube decided "Hey wait a minute! This content isn't safe! You're all hanging around a bunch of children" and instead of deleting the video...I think YouTube decided "Hey wait...this is favorited in this user's favorites playlist...HEY YOU, we're gonna take this down, it breaks the rules" and thus...we wind up here.

Now on November 3rd, I filed an appeal to YouTube. And while I was on the appeal process, yeah...I broke out a bottle of booze and started going through MY ENTIRE CHANNEL...and updating literally every video. Now everything requires users to be logged in AND you now have to prove that you are 18 or older to view the content. Lesson learned...or so I thought.

I got up this morning and checked my emails and there was an update that stated that YouTube...denied the appeal.

So...the favorites playlist...IS...NOW...GONE. But...I do still believe that the content in question. Is still viewable on YouTube, and that not only makes me madder than hell itself, but now I have unfortunately taken the indecent liberties of REPORTING THE VIDEOS THAT I BELIEVE WERE IN QUESTION. Those being those very same...park meets.

Now...what does this mean for you? Well, it means a lot. It means...basically...we've reached the end of the line. There's nothing else that can be done. There's no way I can get in touch with administration to have this corrected. There's no way I can get the playlist back (it's just favorites after all). And really...there's no fucking way I'm going to upload anything new to this site after YouTube has a problem with MY playlist but doesn't remove someone else's content. Sound fair to you? If you're shaking your head no...then yeah, I agree with you as well in that regard.

See I've been an active musician for a long time. Much much longer than this site has ever seen. And the last thing I want to see...is the very channel that I shared all my content to, get removed, because YouTube has decided it had had enough of my mouth running at 100 miles per hour, talking about how their shit is more holier than swiss cheese. 'cause trust me, I have thought about making a video doing this, but I have since then rescinded the idea...simply because I know it's not worth it.

But trust me, I hate this. And hate is such a strong word here, but I really do HATE this. In a year that has seen so much trouble, strife and grief the likes of which FurAffinity has yet to see me bitch about (and trust me, you do not have the time to hear what all has been going on but trust me...it has NOT been a good year IN THE LEAST).

So unfortunately, there will not be any new content...anymore...on my channel. Time to hang the hat up on music and...call it a career.

If you're reading this journal, may this announcement that I'm about to make be the best news you hear all year long.

I've hidden something away now for the greater part of a month and a half, maybe more like a month. I'm writing this on my phone so I'm not going to take much time.

I invested in a Christmas gift that I gave to my beautiful girlfriend of two years, about to be three in January. And on December 24th, the magic of Christmas wasn't the only air stirring on a slightly blistering cold and breezy night.

We traveled to Center Street in front of a lit Christmas tree...

And that was where I got down on my knee and, albeit choked it out in the rush of emotion, I asked for her to make this Christmas and many more to come, the best Christmases of our lives... And unveiled the precious diamond ring I had saved up.

We're Engaged, FA! Shadow Wolf and Raine Redwing are now going to be married.

December 12th, 2012 marked the beginning of a new and dare I say historic chapter in my life. A year and 11 months prior to that point, I had watched a YouTube video on furries...and honestly I laughed at it...but thinking back at what it was I watched, I...had to have laughed that off. After that, I did some thinking to myself "Man...hate to admit it...but that was actually kinda...cool". And that's how it got the ball rolling.

That video sparked a drive, and that video lit a fire that no one in my life from that point on could quell. I had not only the burning desire to be that fursuiter, but I had that drive to join the crowd. I remember looking online for these fursonas that the video mentioned...I remember looking at what fursona matched you with your personality, and I remember finding out that I best fit the wolf.

And so I had...a wolf...

But I didn't have a name...I didn't have colors...I didn't have anything but just a species. And then I went further...I had to look at fursuits.

Thank you Nick and Thank you Lacy for THAT ONE. Little known secret. Fursuiting dot com.

I saw a suit...black and red...and I knew that couldn't be me as that was someone else that I know on the internet now. 'Sup DarkShadowWolf!

So I made some alterations. Full black and full red arms and legs, half black and half red tail...no hair at first. Completely different.

But the name...Shadow...that stuck with me. It was like someone was pulling at a heartstring. I not only liked the name...I loved it. I always followed in someone's shadow. I was always in the shadows of the normal. In the shadows of the crowd.

Well...my name...is Shadow Wolf. And I became Shadow Wolf.
______

I remember 2012 was a pretty up and down year. Starting out on a down with being broken into and losing thousands of dollars in valuables that I couldn't ever try to replace. I remember the next closest things I could hold to me were...two HIM CDs, my new FightStick controller...and honestly my dream to being a fursuiter. Honestly it felt hopeless at that point.

I remember going through college thinking to myself "Just go to college...go to class...read this...do that...learn this...know that...study this and study that". I had no drive until...well...someone told me Balto was released on DVD...a cartoon classic based on the true story. I remember getting my hands on that DVD and watching it on an off night from college...and I honestly remember watching it, crying, thinking to myself "I have to be like Balto...I can't give up. My mother is telling me not to. Just go on with extra motivation!"

Maybe losing those things were just...a sign.

I remember graduating college, and on that same day, I remember joining here...FurAffinity. Had I not done that, who the hell knows. I mostly motivated myself to cap and gown and walking the stage with diploma in hand.

I remember that summer, I decided to introduce myself to the Carolina Furs, both on here, their forum, and even Facebook. Those who are still there...my sincerest thanks to you for this wild ride we've been on. 'cause had it not been for THAT jump, I would have never found...her.

I remember one afternoon writing and browsing FurAffinity when I noticed the now old page for what was my fursuit maker. And I did a LOT of thinking. That week...that week in June...from going to Carolina Furs, to now...a fursuit maker...it was another sign. June marked the sixth month in the year. And what was my number? Six.

I honestly felt like destiny was calling for me.

And from that point on, I know what I needed to do...write. Write that girl a note! Introduce myself. And I thought to myself "Let's Do This, Shadow".
______

That was a bad summer...a hot summer...working in the yard, the frustration, the arguments, the therapy sessions...the time we weren't getting to rest. But when fall came...fall saw the LAST...THE VERY LAST...payment. Pictures did nothing but tease me on the progress of what the suit looked like. It filled me with much more that determination. Excitement. Knowing that the beginning of the year started out so rough was now seeing this come to what I thought would be...almost divinity. Almost as if someone was apologizing for what pain I went through and saying "It's gonna be okay...you're going to see that disappear, but in the end, you're going to receive a gift that's going to be miles above ANYTHING you've ever had".
______

Winter was fast approaching and Christmas was literally 13 days away. It was now December 12th, 2012 and I was sitting in my dining room, writing away once again. I had been writing my thoughts and my feelings all this time. From closeted feelings, to...others. But more just about wanting to suit. More about wanting to chase that dream. And I remember seeing the mail truck stop at my mailbox. I knew it was close...I could feel it.

...and then he backed up...and turned into my driveway.

I raced to the door, swung the door opened and met my buddy mailman at the door. He and I have known each other for SO SO long. I had all eyes on his truck bed...and there it was...There It Was.

A white and blue box with red accented letter.

I had to sign off for it. But the moment I brought it in, I could feel the tears well up in my eyes...much like they're doing now in writing this honestly. I know the phone rang and...it was my mom. She asked if the mail had come yet and I told her it did...she then asked if it came and I excitedly told her it did. She wasn't going to be long. She told me to "enjoy it"...and I thanked her. And mom, I still thank you. You not only kept me determined, you helped me through it all.

I remember, with tears in my eyes, opening the box and I began pulling out the pieces, wrapped up protected inside. I couldn't believe what was going on. It still feels like I wasn't living this. It felt like I was in a dream. Like I was in full fantasy all of a sudden.

And I tried on everything...I got in suit for the very first time. I walked room to room, ears hanging on all the damned light fixtures. I remember looking in all the mirrors...walking room to room with a smile on my face.
______

In 10 years time, I have been through...if it won't everything, it was a LOT. A lot of highs that I couldn't believe. A lot of lows. I've seen people come and go, whether in real time, or online. I've done a lot of stupid shit too...things I still regret. Things that I'm still reminded of. But all that aside...nothing tops seeing an actual dream come true.

While many have moved on from here, or from me period...I do have to thank all of those who have come into my life at a time when this dream was real...when pure happiness was felt, when maybe there were mixed emotions, confusion or what not. When it was a good time. Times are still good, but these days a lot gets shrouded by the real. The lines blur and become more and more frayed and it's harder to remember that there are still good days to be had. Time is going on day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute and second by second. Stress still likes to make itself known...but you want to know what else likes to make itself known?

Shadow Wolf

I can come home from work and unlock my doors and be greeted by him. Each night I go to bed and he's perched on my tote bin next to my loving girlfriend's suit...both of them are watching me...and I'm reminded that as I close my eyes each night "There's your dream...you've gotten it done twice now...success never felt so good. A dream come true never felt so real."

It's an inert feeling...once you've had a taste of the success, it's there with you for life. You want more of it. And for me being able to fursuit now even 10 years later...I still want to do it. I still enjoy it.

I don't think I'll ever have a bad day suiting.
______

Shadow is much more than a suit...it's a realization. It's a reminder that, if you have something you want done in this life...time is of the essence. Get out there and do it. And more importantly, have faith in yourself. Believe in the Higher Power(s), if your faith especially stems even further. Don't give up...things are gonna happen. Your will gets tested everyday. Your strength determines everything. Don't break. Don't show weakness. Laugh, and more importantly, keep going. Remind yourself that you're strong, that you're still alive, and as long as you're still alive...YOU'RE the difference maker. You make things happen.

It's been 10 years...wow!

Here's to many...many more.

Ugh...what is this place again? Why so much dust? Sad...ten years ago this WAS the thing.

To make light of a dark sounding thing here, time to get back into sharing some things from the year. If you're just reading this, your inbox (if you're still following me/still active on FA) is about to get slightly filled. Not too much...just a few rag tag items from the year. I'll be having some more coming up through the week so it's not going to be in one spasmatic spell...what y'all consider a "dump".

So please fasten your seatbelts furverts and fuzz-fucks 'cause it's about to get a little...wild.

And uh...excuse me, I see this meter over here that says "face". Why? Why is this arrow here? Hmm...you know, they tell you not to change the hands of a clock with just your fingers but...who needs fucking rules when you have me!?

Slide that meter over to..."heel". It feels good to be bad.

LIVE - LOVE - SUPERKICK!
-Shadow

It's...not gonna be easy for me to say this, but...it looks very much like 2022 is resuming where 2021 left off.

At the end of 2021, I went to one final furmeet up in Raleigh. I would be lying if I said the decision to go or not was easy. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a drink or two...or four...prior to making that decision when someone told me that I could sit with them...talk...enjoy some of the cookies they were bringing. When...they said that...I knew then that my decision was pretty solid and in stone at that point.

So I went...can't say it was a bad meet either. Not...the best...but not the worst.

I took a break in January and then...this month's came up and...I would be lying if I said that decision as well...was easy. I decided to go...I thought "it's whatever..."

Coming into the day, I didn't feel like something like this was going to happen. If anyone had told me, I think I would have certainly thought otherwise. But...before I go any further...this is where you might want to check out my YouTube channel for the latest video. Pullen Park Furmeet February 2022...that's the title.

What you're going to witness is...proof. That's all I can say.

I've had people tell me that it's a thing where...you really have to see others on the same street when it comes to communication. You have to be willing to put yourself out there. This has been going on for nearly 10 years. I wanted to ask them "If not now, when?" as in...if I'm not doing it enough to where it's making any impact, when will it make any impact?

What I've been going on lately about my feelings in regards to the fandom can basically all be summed up in that video clip. My trust is gone now...my hopes are crashed and now dust...my faith in this fandom is long gone, dead, miles away...maybe even in another universe at this point...but I kept trying. Now...with...my busy life, a job I have to hold and responsibilities I have to maintain and a future for my mate and I that I have to make...a meet like this is something I wanted to look forward to just as a chance to do something different...and as I stood alone there today with no one else there talking with me...all I could think about was...that...I've never felt this rejected in all my life.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!? You have no idea...what I could write here...I'm both pissed...depressed. I am a soup of emotions right now

All I wanted was to have a place and to feel like I belonged...I've been abused for years...told myself that this fandom would hopefully give me a new lease on life and allow me to see life in a positive light but it has done nothing more for me but make it worse.

It's never...good...to see things in your life literally come down to this. It's never good to...struggle...with feeling like you're not good enough.

Friends...followers alike...I've come to face the fact that I have lost my faith in the fandom. I can't believe even I'm saying it. I've been a furry since 2011 and have always been a fan of cartoons, anthropomorphism, and...when I first found the furry fandom, I could feel what I thought was my own heart...flutter...like a new lease on life had refreshed it. It's like that rush of cold as ice water straight to the face after a sweat or exposure to heat.

I came to face this feeling after finding out what it was I had just discovered..."furry"...and realized "Hey, I am furry" after looking at it in a therian's eyes, that I may even embody the spirit of a wolf. I had ties to family that I kept close, I had order when it looked chaotic and I love to my mate now still to the end.

But as we all know, pain exists too. Strange how love and pain sorta entangle themselves together. For years I hurt when trying to find my place. For years I thought that one particular group was my pack to whence I belonged. Nowadays...that feeling has unfortunately changed and I can't say it's changed for the best either.

As I sit here tonight, I've had time all day today to contemplate what's going on...the most time I've had to examine myself and my thoughts and organize things together. As my mate has explained it, in the best way possible...I have simply lost faith. I've lost touch with friends...I've lost interest in meets...I gave up going to what would have been my first big fur con. Something I thought, at one point in my life, would never happen.

In the best kayfabe possible, that I can explain this...This Fucking Sucks.

What does this mean? I'm officially taking an indefinite leave of absence from all major places I tend to reside in. This includes but is not limited to Facebook, YouTube and FA, as well as various other sites within the fandom. I will not be recording or taking pictures unless by chance a big idea comes to mind.

I WILL however be helping my mate with something of hers and after that, that's it.

There is however...one place I am going for sanctuary. One place I'm staying - Telegram.

The one thing I am NOT gonna give up is my connection to this fandom.

I want y'all to know...even as a heel...I still love y'all as though you were my family. I want you all to know that I am here for you and I always will be. I care for you...and I will be here for you in times of need. Should you need a shoulder, you can always rest your head on mine and there will always be a seat...right beside me...and we can talk.

For those that want to stay connected OR for those that want to maybe even connect with me for the first time ever, I will happily share with you my Telegram. I'm almost always active unless I mention otherwise, and if so, know that I will always come back to you even if it's sometime later. I will reply back. Send me a note on here and I'll be happy to share you my Telegram ID.

It's never good to see things come to this...no one should have to struggle...but I'm doing this to give myself a chance in another way to get back into the fandom.

I love y'all...and I really hope to get better and get over this really really soon.
-Shadow

Well, I'm going to write an update as to how it's going. My previous entry I mentioned some feelings I've been wanting to express. I finally got the chance to share them and I felt the next thing to do was to try to fix them. Accept things in this instance as problems that really do need my attention and face them and hopefully try to find a solution for them.

In other words, I thought none better to do than to assert myself...get myself back out there...and just talk with the fandom again.

One of the first things I felt like I needed to do more than anything was look through my entire "Friends list" on Facebook and accept that THAT won't real. That was not and IS NOT what it could be. So instead of keeping people that don't even socialize with me, I removed them. And now in Day 10, I am still in the act of removing profiles and unfriending others whom I just no longer feel any connection to or have had no interaction with since adding them. Thank you fucked up Facebook algorithms. I went completely backwards on this one. But...what am I to do, you know? Comment comment comment comment comment and it's just...not helping me feel anything. I just don't feel it.

Bewhiskered went on and I felt excluded. I didn't go. Granted, I didn't want to go...didn't care to go...didn't feel like I had a reason to go. I feel like at this point, I'm just lifeless

About the one thing I have been doing however is getting myself back into Telegram chats. So far I'm in two small chat rooms. I'm not going to dive into large rooms. I don't feel as though they are the right decision for me or the right setting(s). Smaller chats seem to be best where I can fit in someplace or feel like I have a comfortable place to be. The...one thing...I ain't liking right now is the fact that one of them...is a local group. Come to think about it, both of them are...but one in particular isn't the crowd I feel I best fit in with right now or ever did fit in. They're the same crowd that had Bewhiskered this past weekend. But I thought better of it. Instead of running myself away, I went to them. I can't really say it's working right now. I can't really say that...I'm in that group at all. I physically exist, but I still don't fit.

I hate to admit it, but...I've gotten worse. Nothing drives me anymore in this fandom.

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. It's clear to me that the people that I do want to try to socialize with and be with the most...are the same people that don't have the same things in common with me...all while I'm not even molding with or into the groups that DO have the same things in common with me, let alone if I even know about them. Locally it's hard to find the energy to be a part of these more noted groups when more than half of the people in the group wouldn't even recognize some of the things I mention.

One clear cut example of this was chatting with another fur talking about a football game and they just posted a reply that they didn't know anything about football or watched sports. That really didn't sit well with me as...all I could see was the three or four emotes they posted with it. I'm just like "You could have just kept it simple instead of making it look like a fucking picture book". We talked more and more about other things, but it was clear to me that they were beginning to fall out of interest with me. Since then I've not heard a word back from them. And I don't really even feel any need in messaging them at all.

Little things like that are what concern me. I'm struggling with that...struggling very very hard with that.

I'm gonna keep trying but...I fear things are not gonna end well.

For those that are expecting a pretty light journal entry, you might want to just delete this from your notifications and just move on. I'm going to discuss something that I feel is pretty serious going on in my life...which means I'm gonna break down my fourth wall for a bit, put aside the kayfabe and be real for a moment. This could be a long post, so if you're not up to reading it, no shame or s*** of my back at all. Definitely not the nicest way to word it, but...anyway...

January 2021...This was the most recent time I attended a furmeet. Upon writing this entry, on Friday, November 5th 2021, will be 10 months since I have done anything furry related.

Back in July of earlier this year, I attended GalaxyCon with the love of my life and enjoyed being able to suit at a convention again. This was the last time I did something furry...and enjoyed it. Kinda negates the previous statement, but being that this was a con that encompasses and even invites a lot of fandoms, it kinda fits, not negates.

Y'all...I am just not happy these days. I'm not finding any drive...I'm not finding any motivation to suit. Hell, I'm even struggling to step outside and go to a furmeet. What's even more alarming is I'm finding it really difficult to even enjoy the fandom these days. How? In the best explanation I can give...I just don't find anything or feel like I've anything in common with the majority these days. I'm not playing the same games...I'm not watching the same things...I'm not doing the same things that most in the fandom assumingly are doing. I'm just assuming this is the case, so my apologies if that indeed in fact is not the case...but one thing I won't assume, one thing I know is a fact...is the feeling that I just don't feel happy anymore. I just don't feel like...well...like I have the same things in common, and this is giving me a sense of...I guess it's loneliness? Maybe depression? I don't want to go to the extremes in saying that it IS depression, but I won't necessarily rule it out.

So for starters, I have Telegram. Sounds good, right? Yeah, everyone could afford to have some sort of social platform to be on, especially in the sense that it helps find others, like you, to talk with and share common interests in. But that's my catch...Common Interests. I'm really finding it hard these days to enjoy communicating and talking with other furs...simply because those that I want to...don't have the same things in common with me. Which brings me to my next, probably bigger issue...

Group conversations. These days I don't even think about joining any either small or large chats. I'm finding it tough these days, time, energy, and heart...to accept and join chats. Any time I feel like I've not messaged in a while or said anything...I feel left out. I want to message, but I resist that for some reason or another. Do I want to join chats...every now and then, yes I do. But that brings back up the previous...I just don't find them enjoyable when it's hard to talk with others about things that I know or things that they know. These conversations, to me, are the hardest to enjoy...but I'm struggling seeing the opposite. I'm struggling to see "Well, maybe they have something in common with you that you don't know about yet". Which brings up a much larger point.

Furmeets/Socialization. I just struggle...the hardest I have ever struggled...to want to go to anything furry. I no longer go to parties...I no longer go to meets...I have even gone above and beyond and cancelled my ticket to FWA. I just...don't...want to. I just don't feel it inside me. That drive just ain't there. That want to go and be social is just something that...as I describe it to the few that wonder why...I have to feel like I've got people to go see...or a finite reason to attend...or else I'm not going. One recent meet saw this unfold - Friend of mine on Facebook mentioned that they were going to a local meet, that they were going to suit there for the first time in their new suit, and felt like having someone there who had some of the same things in common with them would basically help them ease into the atmosphere. I wanted to...FA...GODDAMN I WANTED TO. But look who stayed home in the end. That's when I felt the depression hit me. That's when I felt like I didn't belong. That's when I felt like that outsider...that's when I felt like everything I had said I was about being a Lone Wolf...showed me to the mirror and said "Ya wanna be it...ya got it big shot" and bam...right here I am. I no longer feel like I am a part of any group...yet deep down I don't honestly need to feel that way. I need to feel the opposite. I want to feel the opposite.

Friends? This is gonna be the painful part for me...this is gonna hurt me...but...

I don't feel I have any at this point. I'm finding it really tough to talk to anyone. I gave up...going to my first big fur con...FWA...all because I felt like I didn't belong. Feeling like the friends I was going with...weren't my friends at all...not my friends anymore...all because we're not talking. And yeah, I'll say it. Most, if not all of that, is on me. I need to take that initiative to, when I feel something, to discuss it with someone, to hopefully see that alleviated. Not stay the fuck silent and expect to fix it on my own or expect time to fix it. 'cause that ain't gonna happen. Shit like that's just not gonna fix itself. Matter was never really created OR destroyed in that sense.

So FurAffinity...yeah, there's a problem. I've got a problem. And all I can say is that...I really wish someone took the time to read this or in fact takes the time to read this later on. I really wish someone takes the time out of their busy day to...well...just say "it's okay, Shadow" and will help me out here. That's all I can ask for.

I know what I'm feeling isn't right...and I know that it's not something I need to feel or want to feel the rest of my life. I know this is something that WE can fix.

What's up everyone! Howlin' Hellion Shadow Wolf here with a brand new video you can check out here. YouTube cover of Stone Sour's "Through Glass". Lot of fun to work with...great chance to take some new things I've learned and add them to my vocals through a YouTube channel I'm watching every now and then for tips and ways to improve one's vocals. Yo, Chris! Thanks!

Also, check out just ONE of the new changes going on. Next new change will be revealed really soon. You won't want to miss it...it answers the question WHY...just WHY...I have not been active online.

One word: Remodeling.

In any case, check this s*** out! Go and give it a listen, and if you like it, like and subscribe and all that cheesy YouTuber crap.

This is the Lone Wolf Shadow reminding you...Stay Too Sweet Y'all! Peace

https://youtu.be/LGtm_BAe4rY

Hey yo!

I'll make this as short and sweet as possible. I'm looking artists who can commission a few Telegram stickers. Not many...I'm just looking some that I can have for my own.

There's also a bit more to this...a few weeks ago, a friend of mine mentioned she wanted to get something for my 30th birthday. Of the two things she wanted to try to get me, I told her if I wanted anything that wasn't so complex, Telegram stickers. I would have went all out on a full piece of art, but that costs a lot of money...especially for the musician compilation project with Shadow. I'm still looking art with Lamb of God and even Linkin Park themed.

Sad to say it, but it's now been two weeks since this discussion was had with said friend and they've not even yet asked for a reference sheet. So, I'm going out on a limb to say that that's not gonna happen. Am I surprised, no not really. She's tried to get me something before and didn't. She didn't even much wish me a happy birthday...which honestly is fair when you consider I don't gift her anything for her birthday, nor wish her happy birthday when hers rolls around. All is fair in love and war...or in this case...birthday and gifts.

So artists...I'm looking a commissioner for Telegram stickers. Anyone opened for commissions...I'll be happy to take a browse through galleries and see what they look like. Like I said, I'm not looking for many...

Stay TooSweet Y'all!
-Shadow Wolf

30!

Hey yo! What's going on FA. Been a while since I've been writing only because I've just lost interest and time lately. Not a lot of chances to sit and write these days but I figured I'd share on some enlightening news while I did have the time. Today was my 30th birthday. I honestly can't believe I'm 30...I really just don't know what to say. I'm getting older and I'm still a pup but it ain't showing it on the odometer at least.

Had the girlfriend over this week for a sleepover and while I didn't get much rest, we still had some fun together. I've really enjoyed being with her this week. We had heard some sad news regarding a con we were going to in December, but alas, this week made up for it.

I could go on and on, but I'll end it here. Like I said, I could even make this a thing of how I actually became a kayfabe furry and I'm sure I'd have some furries be like "da hell is this kayfabe furry?" I'll further talk about it later, but yeah

Stay Too Sweet y'all!

-Shadow

Note: I am not quarantined, suffer any symptoms or are currently diagnosed positive or presumptive positive of COVID 19...aka Coronavirus.

So Furnal Equinox, FWA and various other events, gatherings, conventions, etc is off the table... Social networks are melting under the flames of news articles (whether fake or true), of this pandemic, retail chains are going dry of necessary goods, restaurants, bars and food service chains are restricting access inside their dining rooms, sports events are being postponed, canceled or moved to later dates, stock market going haywire like a child after consuming Red Bull... All I can say is...

You take away my sports is one thing...

You take away my food chains also one thing...

But I waited NINE FUCKING YEARS... Not days, weeks, months... YEARS, for my time to come when I could actually attend a larger fur con. I spent nearly $300 on a super sponsor, planning on laughing and carrying on the joke "haha, the nWo just sponsored this con! We're in this shit!" I knew of two furs I could have absolutely rubbed this shit deep into their snouts, and then... THIS... SHIT.

No I ain't happy. Fucking hell if I will be. A prime chance ripped from my mother fucking hands, and that's one thing that has come to be a big fucking mistake, when now I work a constant grind every damn week serving the town and state community I work in.

Furry Weekend Atlanta, you will be missed this year. This will be the first time I actually miss not being able to go because of this pandemic. But...BUT... Mark my word, jot this down and date it - I'm Not Finished. This damn virus can infect me if it does. If I somehow get it... And if I do, it will just pour gas on this already blazing flame of a problem in our lives.

FWA 2021... WILL... Be brought to you by the fine folks of the nWo. We're already making preparations for next year

"AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT... I've got two words for ya... SUCK IT!"
-Degeneration X

Hey Yo!

ATLANTA!

Claim to be of the dirty south? You ain't dirty enough...well...save the pup player invasion...thing...two years ago, and the infamous "Elevator Con" that later had a published video to YouTube of another fur's con experiences. What they doing? Walking down flights of fucking stairs. HA! That's fucking priceless.

This shit ain't though. Long ago, my ex and myself tried to make it a goal to come to ya. Tried...because of the amount of monies it took to travel even further south and getting even more into dirty than the dirty south. Fucking ironic enough, you can clean a damn wallet out faster than staying truthfully clean. So damn dirty, Mr. Clean has a lifetime ban on it. a boycot, AND a protest. I say no more.

But YOU...yeah...YOU! HOT-Fucking-LANTA! Years passed, and thanks to my crew for news and updates...Shadow punched his ticket...to that Mystic Forest...
F-W-A!

Heh...no one guessed the YouTube videos...no one. So just like Paul Heyman, this is NOT a fantasy. THIS is a spoiler! It Is Official.

HEY YO! What up FA! You know what I think? I think it's time...

Time To Take A Survey.

How many of you are ready for your next big fur con later this year? Show of paws! Get 'em up!

Now...How many of you are ready for your next big fur con...NEXT YEAR? Show of paws...

I'll spare ya the details FurAffinity...next year...2020...I'm going to make that year just a little Too...SWEET! How's that? Simple...let's pack our shit up and go to a fur con. Everything you need to know is in this video link down below. It's on YouTube and went public earlier this week.

But you know I can't just give you the name right away, right? That'd be too...what's the word I'm looking for...boring? We'll go with that.

Y'all know me...I love to absolutely tease the ever loving fuck outta something. So I tell ya what. Pay attention to that video...I promise, I have written down where it is I'm going. I and a large group of friends have decided that we, as friends, would all pack up and go. All you have to do is find out where I'm going.

Who knows...you may just find me.

Let the game...continue!

https://youtu.be/Uwd4vMMAloY

-Shadow Wolf

What's up FA! Surprised to see me back after Animazement 2019? Some of you could probably say yeah. And for those that don't know what I'm talking about...yeah...keep reading. I've got a video for ya.

So for those that do know...okay, this is an incredibly late journal regarding a challenge I tried at the con this year...thanks to a few friends who were able to help make this possible. So the story goes...for a little while, I had been looking at the Shadow The Ticklish video, thinking "man...can any video actually beat that, with time?" Hanging out with some furs Saturday afternoon at the con, I was introduced to something that...at one point had me saying

"Are you NUTS!? The f*** would I want to have this strapped to my...stuff...?"

To eventually...

"Oh my God, I can't believe I'm going to do this but...f*** it. Besides...it may actually be the video that can beat that tickle video".

Now a month or so after the video was uploaded, I'm sharing it here. As the story continues, I went to the bar that night, went back down to the game room watching AEW's "Double Or Nothing" live in Vegas streaming inside the game room...running the video idea through my inebriated mind "Shadow...just do it. Psyche yourself up...and do it"

Back in the room, my pet helped me into the contraption, poles literally at my b****, I gave my camera off to my dragon friend Ren, sat down on the bed and...the video will show the rest. FurAffinity...

I Had My Motherfucking Balls Shocked At Animazement. Enjoy...if you haven't seen it or heard it already. This is for your entertainment and your entertainment only. And for anyone that would like to do...I did this because I wanted to...I was perfectly sober when I made the decision, but drunk when I took it...and yes, I threw a multi hundred dollar plushy that I valued. I didn't just set him down to the side...no, he got f***ing thrown.

FA...Enjoy

https://youtu.be/BB8fVgVZonk

-Shadow Wolf

Okay...so...FA...here's update number 1. Life in itself has been overall pretty good to me. No complaints there. Well...minus being single with questionable sexuality again, but that's too personal to talk about here. Let's just say...I'm really starting to lose my interest. Anywho...

Work is work I'm afraid...it at least is paying well. Can't say that it hasn't or else you wouldn't be able to have seen me with that brand new set of wheels. THAT'S what I bought a few months ago that no one saw...no one guessed. No problemo...now you know! The More You Know!

As you can probably tell...hardly any new pictures. All of my content these days is on YouTube! Why? I don't know...I guess the creative inspiration just decided to bite me on videography and music again. Which...let me just say this...HOLY SHIT Y'ALL! Blue On Black blew the fuck up! A SUIT DUB!! Must remind myself to do more songs like this.

Okay, yeah, it is a pretty damn good little song. Five Finger Death Punch did it justice to cover it. Speaking of which, those four covers in such a short time on YouTube. Long story...a very long story. I'm just not even going to touch it. Remember how I said that being single with questionable sexuality was "too personal"? Yeah, it's something like that...only this one has blood in it. A lot of it...from my own body...

Okay furs, let me answer one burning question...Why? Why Don't I do Furcons. Because I went to one last year. My first one. My ONLY one. I decided I'd dip my toes into the water and then strip and just jump the fuck in, cannonball and see how it went. Howler's Eve 2018. When they say it's a small con, they ain't fucking lying. And really, I have nothing good to say about this con in this journal. I really don't. I enjoyed what was there, content wise, but locale...? Fucking Hell, did you locals absolutely HAVE to have this damn shenanigan where I had to go through...what...four fucking roundabouts? You NC State Engineers need to actually use something called "Common Sense" when designing highways and thoroughfairs...fuck! Outside of locale, what else is there to complain about except the roommates! I'm no longer opening rooms up to just anyone. I invited a 19 year old in and he wouldn't stop with the outbursts...and a 30 something other fur...a girl mind you...who ironically enough...couldn't get the fuck off of me! And here I thought me having spells of wanting to screw was bad. Oh no...that which I had to put up with was to the nth degree! And that's outside of fact that she attempted to prevent me from going about some activities all because she didn't deem them safe enough or because this was a "PG rated con". That's the lamest sack of bullshit I have ever heard. So you're going to tell me that they're going to monitor me in my room, the con staff (not hotel staff - even though that has not been too entirely ruled out), and make sure that I either don't touch myself or someone else or else I get kicked out because it's in my room and not on the floor, like every other good fur should keep it? In the goddamn rooms!? What next, are you going to monitor my breathing and make sure that I'm inhaling and exhaling at proper times because if I don't, then I'm wasting oxygen that YOUR pompous ass could be using? HA! Whatever.

To said fur...you wonder why so many local furs have problems with you. Because I saw it first hand, I still saw it first hand even AFTER the con. MONTHS AFTER the con.

I may reconsider conventions, but at this time, they are not worth travel woes...nearly a thousand dollars or more in expenses, and in the case of my friend who went to FWA last year and came back home and found out he had contracted HIV because of some sick fuck who didn't protect themselves...NOT worth my time. The con itself was good overall. A good concept...well worth the sponsorship level when you know at the dance that they play your song you requested and furs around you are liking your choice. Now THAT'S a damn good reason to come back to a con like that. Because a musician like yourself knows how to think out of the box...but when you consider the traveling, the roommates, even myself making the mistake of overfinancing my wallet thinking that I'd have to have a little extra on hand just because it's a con...no you know what...I say no more. I think I've made my point. Fur cons are NOT my thing. Suddenly something I've said for years...has a little meat on its bones and doesn't seem so out there...now does it?

I'll return for part 2...for whomever reads this, you'll want to read the next part. I'm including a story from last year that I hadn't shared yet that led up to something you have seen today on YouTube. I'll also go into gaming on the Xbox and how that's going, and quite a little bit more. But for now...Thank you a lot guys for reading...Stay Too...SWEET!

What's up guys. Yeah, it is I. Shocked to see me back?

Really quickly, I have had probably the busiest time the past few months and that has left me unable to get to a lot of shit. I mean look at this...Unopened Mortal Kombat XL for the PlayStation 4...and this was with my FIRST PS4. Now I have a second one I've had to get. Crazy or what? Long story, but that comes with the update journals, but that just goes to show you how busy I've been. Full time jobs. They're like that, you know?

Yes, I'll get to MK 11...whenever THAT may be. Hmph...sounds like I need to get back in touch with my inner Achievement Hunter from college where all he did was play video games just to beat them. I'm doing good though...Beating Pokemon Omega Ruby...replaying Pokemon Gold on the 3DS just for the fuck of it. Because Gold was when I started playing Pokemon games. I've been playing Layers of Fear, and of course videos on YouTube show that I have been playing and finally beat Brunswick Pro Bowling for the PS4.

I am ALSO PLAYING SOMEWHERE ELSE! That too comes with the update. Xbox Users...Do I have your undivided attention? If not...look up "AHShadowWolf6"

Let's see what else...Oh...seven months ago I posted an update on here regarding something I bought. NO ONE guessed what it was. No One. To be fair, no one commented either so it doesn't really matter at this point. I'll get a picture with The Red Rocket tomorrow and we'll go from there. What do you say FA? You want something from me again? Huh? Don't worry...I don't make promises I can't keep.

Anyway, FA...I'm teasin' ya for a little while. That's all I'm going to share. I'll save the rest for what I think will be two short and sweet journals. I promise that. And I also have a good little story or two to tell as well.

But for now...FA...this just in...GO TO BED. I'll be in there in about five minutes. Peace!

-Shadow Wolf (-6)

https://youtu.be/FOuzVOajtaM

Before you click, sit back and watch, a message before viewing.

1) Yes, my voice actually cracked in the song...recently I've been going through another struggle...yet again. For the past few days I was thinking of new content to record, one message became relatively repetitive in my mind...

"I'm tired of being a lone wolf...I'm tired of being a lone wolf...I'm tired of being a lone wolf"

Lone wolf? Basically single. I'm fucking sick and tired of it! I'm sure a lot of you know the exact same way I feel, but this is bad. How bad? When I found out a friend of mine has started to explore another possible relationship with someone, it made me both jealous and angry. Two emotions I should NEVER feel towards my own friends. But how can I help that? How can one fix that? Honestly I've never been in that situation before.

Today I recorded this video and had to constantly adjust things before I had the right video finally recorded. Honestly I can't say enough about this video. I know none of my content online ever gets much recognition, but I figured if there are fish in the sea, I mind as well cast a reel with a load of bait and fucking heave the shit out there and hope. Which leads to my next point and my last point.

2) Yes, I am single...but I want a relationship, and I'm actively searching. HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

I'm now strong enough to start looking something more after my past relationship with Sparky. Now I see what THAT was as a laughable, pathetic attempt to have something. After that, I realized that I needed to really change my outlook as well. I hate to be honest, and I even hate to word this, especially this way...but there are a LOT of things that have changed since the breakup. I'm no longer looking men...I'm no longer actively RPing...I just consider it growing up...looking more towards finding that one perfect mate. Maybe I do have to test drive the car before buying it...as they say...but really...I just wish I could find that one perfect woman in my life. Like, I really have to just mention that.

Anyone that could help me maybe look for someone...I encourage you to help me out here. I'm of course mainly looking someone local here to NC as I'm opposed to long distance relationships. Having done that way too many times to count when I was exploring my bisexual nature, I was finding myself not fit for this type of relationship as I couldn't really build a solid foundation of trust with some individuals...and more importantly finding out that others wanted me to give a whole hell of a lot more back to them, striving to be with them, than being on a balanced playing field where both of us could meet in the middle when it came to how much one was giving back to being in a relationship together.

Please please PLEASE! If anyone would be willing to help lend a paw towards helping me get into a solid stable relationship...I really would greatly appreciate it.

I will be doing my part to get out and start looking more. Honestly, I have been driving out back and forth on the new set of wheels I have...but I really haven't been going much anywhere. Still trying to be easy with the Red Rocket that I've nicknamed, but still...that need is to get out and meet new people is there.

And you know...I'm going to say this or bust hell wide open...

I went to Howlers Eve here in Raleigh back in October. I thought I would go to maybe find someone. In fact, I wanted to go just to open my boundaries up and open myself up to the crowd in hopes of maybe finding someone...I can't say I did and I can't say I didn't find someone. I know people really feel certain things towards others and some of those things they readily don't want to mention right away, but I feel like if someone had feelings for me and just felt too shy about sharing them with me while I was there, I really don't see what there was to be so shy about. I mean, sure, it's placing yourself out there before someone you've never seen much before or heard much before, so there's a lot of questionable acceptance that one doesn't feel makes it a certain thing. So I was rather disappointed when I left that I didn't find anyone there. That was my first fur con and...I left disappointed. Not a shock to me but at the same time, not a bad thing considering that it was my first and that I don't feel like it was going to be my absolute best. That's just me.

Anyways, any help...any one person that would love to chat with me, I can be found on Telegram at "ShadowWolf6". I'm on here a LOT...I mean A LOT. My phone doesn't stop blowing up from groups and channels that I'm in where I receive new messages and new pics and shit like that. Please...don't be shy to message me. Place yourself out there. I'd love to chat with you and...who the hell knows! We might have something! In fact, if you're reading this and you went to Howlers Eve and maybe have something you needed to say but just felt embarrassed to say it, now's the time!

Most importantly, enjoy the video...a Nine Inch Nails cover to "Something I Can Never Have". Give the cover some love...even if I don't.

-Shadow Wolf

The...story goes...I went shopping for, about an hour this past weekend...took me five hours to checkout.

There's your hint...there's a hell of a lot more to come from this so stay tuned later today. You're going to see a whole hell of a lot of red...

-Shadow Wolf

In light of all that seems to be unraveling a few dank states down south...Hello everyone! It's Shadow Wolf!

So I know I'm a few days late...I do apologize for that...but I come bearing a gift for everyone to check out.

Recently I've shared images of the new suit...but nothing new in regards to videos. Why? Just not being able to have the time. Being a full time employee, that becomes a thing...however, I have had some time, and still will, to churn out videos for the next few days that I think all of you guys will enjoy!

Without further delay...let's enjoy the creative world of Minecraft that I have on...something new. You're going to see my building skills, and maybe just a little something more. I won't spoil it so...here it is!

https://youtu.be/JR2RnByezsM

And briefly, before I depart back into the working world again, 1) Jokingly, I know wrestling...that's not wrestling...WCW, WWF, Monday Night Wars, Degeneration X, New World Order, WWE, ECW, NXT, ROH, maybe UFC, Impact...that's suppose to be wrestling. 2) I know moshing...Lamb of God, Avenged Sevenfold, Slipknot...that's not moshing. Go jump into a Wall of Death and you'll know what I mean. Go jump into a circle pit and you'll know what I mean. I've done both.

3) I have two other intro videos coming soon. One of which is an edited, more formal intro video of the new suit and the other...well...again, I'm not going to spoil it, but...maybe I did say something about "Laid To Rest". Ummm...might want to research that if you want to and give that a looking into...but for now! Thank you a lot guys for reading!

-Shadow Wolf

Tuesday 03/27/2018 - YouTube: "Ashes Of The Wake (Pt. 1)", and "Laid To Rest" (Pt. 2)

Saturday 04/07/2018 - Pullen Park, Raleigh NC



"Hello FurAffinity...and the broad spectrum of the furry community...

I'm back...Resurrected!"

First year: 2011 - "Discovery"

Second year; 2012 - "Communication"

Third year 2013 - "Self-expression"

Fourth year 2014 - "Vocalism"

Fifth year 2015 - "Romance"

Sixth year 2016 - "New Opportunities"

Seventh year 2017 - "Rebellion"

Eighth year 2018 - Well...that's a mystery right now.

What I guess I'm trying to say is...with the start of 2018...brings the 7th Anniversary that I have discovered the fandom, back on January 2nd, 2011. And each year has had some sort of central theme around it or certain emotion that would sum up what that entire calendar year has been like. Last year was a tough year...with a very close relationship's death, the loss of a few friends, the success of gaining a new fursuit head only for it to be a flub, losing my suit was especially the hardest, but the gaining of even better, closer friends, moving up in the world from going to part time to full time work, to even trying to rediscover love and trying to find that one perfect mate again.

All I know, is that in this new year that I have before me, one thing is certain. I'm coming into this new year with my eyes pointed forward and I'm ready to run towards it. Acquisition? Whatever lies ahead of me...

Today Makes Seven Years I Have Been Furry...

-Shadow

This is going to take some time...but...with an all new channel comes an all new idea. Let's create a whole new series...short clips and long sometimes...of just nothing but daily musings.

Thus...it's new content...nothing the same over and over again.

https://youtu.be/NNPMzv8DPh0

P.S. Why not? The quality isn't bad but it isn't good either https://youtu.be/NNPMzv8DPh0

Anyone willing to help with subscribers...please! I will subscribe back

-Shadow

...It simply pours.

The YouTube Channel "raiden676" where I have been making all of my content...has been suspended, by YouTube.

Now, I have no video memory of the past videos I ever shot.