Hey guys selling my truck to hopefully get something else and pay some bills and most likely some taxes so if you could spread the word i'd appreciate it, i know im asking a lot but its kinda what i need ^^;

https://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/.....038667886.html

Over the internet and over the very short/long time i've been on it i've gotten tones of love and hate, compliments and slurs etc, but at work recently i've been bombarded ith a shit load of compliments and thank yous and im just i legit dont know how to deal with them my body just stops working, i get sick to my stomach and want to throw up. Like just today i have a friend at work and hes like. "Hey i really appreciate you and you being my friend it really meant a lot that you asked how i was doing yesterday and i want you to know it meant so much to me." And the only thing that came to mind was. "Holy fuck he's gonna kill himself! this is the shit people say before they die!" So what do i say? Yep whast on my fucking mind -w- im like. "You're not gonna jump off a bridge are you? You good fam? Im here if you need to talk." Like no you dumb fucking cunt he;s thanking you for being nice to him. but like...i dont get it...i legit have no idea how to take a compliment and be like. "Yeah sure no problem any time~" like i can online like irl is so different because its just out of no where...like there is this other girl who is an absolute thunder CUNT of a bitch and out of no where shes like "that was brilliant idea Art!" And i just freeze. like "Uhhhh...ummm." And i just fucking get back to work like i just shut the fuck down and i dont know what to do! I dont feel happiness or anger or anything out side of sickness and i see some weird alterior motive or something like i almost always ask myself. "What are you saying? what do you want? Why are you complimenting me, just tell me what you need from me! Tell me damn it!"

About a month or two ago now right when i first moved here, i was at Best buy with my friend and i was chewing gum and we were standing in line just chatting about what ever when i suddenly lost control of my mouth and spit my gum out with out even thinking i just caught it like the whole thing lasted less then a second and i didnt even know i caught it was like "Where the fuck did it go?!" And my friend and i were searching for it before i opened my hand and i was like "oh here it is.' And we both just looked at each other and laughed like what? how!? Idk, but i wish my reflexes were that high all the damn time and i could do Neo shit like that all the time X3

What Neo god/goddess like thing have you peeps done and wondered. "How!?" X3

How we made it this far into our existence surprises me so fucking much, i've been in so many cars that have been absolutely fucking disgusting that i've wanted to cry and freak but yesterday finally broke me, i got into a car that smelled a bit funny and i was like "okay no big deal, i'll just breath through my shirt and be fine like normal." well turns out that was not the case, when my friend opened up the glove compartment to reveal a rotting steak i threw up, luckily the trash can was near by but i was sick the rest of the day it fucking sucked i hate people, they are filthy and disgusting and need to die, if you bring your car into a shop and its absolutely fucking trashed you need to go home and fuck yourself wiwth a cactus and then sit on a running chain saw... Just thinking about this is making me want to throw up so im going to end my rant here but fuck you if you're car is filthy there is no excuse

It just dawned on me i dont really know anyone that has similar hobbies to me, my irl friend likes cars but he likes race cars i like trucks so we're on complete opposite sides of the hobby, and the cars i like he's constantly trashing on me for liking them because "they dont handle" Like for the super billinth time i dont give a fuck! Its a daily driver not a track car!! Anyway, i dont know or have any friends that have similar game interests either. and those that i meet in the games i find enjoyable end up vanishing off the face of the earth or switch games because their attention span is that of a nat...Seriously when i find a game i like i can literally put years of my life into it. Lets take EFT for example, i've put about 2000 hours into it in less then a year, every wipe up until recently i put 600+ hours into it and there have been about four wipes sense i started and the next one is coming up soon. No one else i know does this, they always have to have something new exciting etc i mean my friend the one car one, literally can not watch a youtube video over ten minutes long he LEGIT CAN NOT SIT THERE AND WATCH IT. He'll just switch it. Like if its a 20 minute video and its lets say a car build or learning thingg he'll just boom switch it at 10 minutes because he's "bored now" he legit cant play any game what so ever for more then a week before going. "this is boring" and never touching it again...He's the one that got me into EFT and he legit will not touch it, and will come up with bull shit excused like JUST SAY NO FUCKER. GAW its so fucking annoying...He does this when we talk about cars. "My highly modded subaru beat a stock car yeah im so cool that other car sucks!" Like dude you put like 20k into that car and the other one is stock. "No that other car is just trash." Anyway that got a bit ranty so moving on, i just went through my friends list and looked at everyone on it, top to bottom, it wasnt that long like ten people at most on discord and steam, anyway, i looked and very few i talk to let alone play with were on there, hell sense moving i've talked to almost no-one, i got maybe 5-6 that i talk to and half of them are from FA and we only really have fetishes in common. Which is fine actually talking about ideas and such is an amazing distraction from work >~< but when you get down to it, what would we do if we met up in real life, like thats just it...Because literally all my frinds are online, if we met up irl, we'd have literally nothing to do...at all. i hate going out, its expensive, i hate prolonged talking irl because its just time i could be resting im in more pain over my body then i ever have been like i've had worse pain before in one spot not all over, like im always in pain and its draining. Anyway again if anyone of the people i commune with on the interwebs were to come over we'd have nothing to do. If we were in private i guess those that i talk to about fetishes could talk irl about the fetishes? But then wouldnt it just be easier and cheaper to do it online? Like this is the major fear i have with my current relationship, its a long distance and right now, we talk daily and even do some rp stuffs but if he came over here or i went over there...what exactly would we do? Yep you guessed it, sit there, yeah we'd cuddle and talk but...then what? What if he wants to go do something and i just cant? What happens then? Nothing... Its wasted time together then...and the more and more i think about it the more and more i dont see the point in living like seriously...Yeah its only been four months on my own but at the end of the day what have i accomplished? Barely getting buy and what? Nothing, everything i enjoyed doing i now only have like two days a week to do so and even then i feel like im wasting time by doing that likee if i play EFT all weekend i could have spent that time talking with my mate or friends or something and if i do that i feel like i should have played more games or SOMETHING other then one thing but its like i dont have the energy to do that anymore im just so tired and so worn out...When i think about it yeah i have loved ones, yeah they'd miss me if i were gone but because we wouldnt do anything other t hen what we're doing now if we met up why meet up? Thats just a lot of money and time wasted because they could bee doing something else worth while. Like at least of we're talking over the internet they can be out and about with other irl friends and DOING something where as if they came here what would they do? Nothing, we'd talk run out of things to talk about because we have very little in common and then it'd just be us sitting there in silence... AT the end of the day i feel like a waste of space and thats kinda what i am, i do nothing but work, eat, sleep, talk to friends, and thats kind of it, nothing is going to be accomplished in my life in a time span worth even attempting and im just kinda like. "OOkay well...why should i continue? To disappoint those i love? Fail to succeed at being a mechanic before i cant hear and im going blind? Like what happens when i go blind? What am i gonna do? Im gonna sit there and rust in a corner..." And thats not to say blind people cant have amazing lives but i would literally need so much help doing the very basics and thats just...please kill me at that point, at some point in my life i will kill myself there is no denying that its just a matter of when. MY body is decaying and my hope to do anything in my life is well almost gone and its like this at any point in the day no matter what happens. I always feel like im wasting time that i cant get back and when i try and change things it always ends in failure. "You learn from your mistakes." "Well then why do i keep failing at the same things over and over and over again?!" "Well because you're not trying hard enough." "Im literally putting everything i have into this!" "Well then you're just doing it wrong." "So how do i do it right?!" "You keep trying" "FUCK YOU." Everytime someones asks. "How are you?" "Im tired." "Did you sleep last night?" "No mother fucker no i didnt! I cant sleep well, its constant nightmares! And the days i dont have nightmares i dont sleep! And when i do sleep and dont have nightmares im emotionally exhausted i have no rest everytime i get rest for one thing the other thing doesnt get rest!" Im more beat down then the 80 year olds at my fucking work! And they're 4 times my age! Im always tired and they seem so blown away how such a "Young" person can be so fucking broken! People think just because im young im perfectly fit and able and im not! Im falling apart and i want it to stop...but its not going to stop its going to get much much worse as time goes on... and again im back to asking...why...Because its not going to get better and its not going to be okay...it never is

So for the first time in my life i had to find my own doctor, usually i was just told to go somewhere and went so this time i chose my own and wow, i wasnt prepared for the first question she asked once i handed over my Id and insurance card which was.

"Do you prefer male or female?" when i heard this i took a big ass pause because that could mean multiple things and the first thing in my head was. "Wait does she mean my gender?" Because well lets face it Transgender is a pretty big topic right now so in my mind it made a bit of sense maybe they are super accepting and just trying to be polite. But i wanted to make sure. So i was like. "Im sorry?" And she asked again. "Do you prefer male of female?" And that didnt clear anything up. "As in?" I ask with a confused look. "Do you prefer a male practitioner or a female?" She looks up at me. "U-uh what? Wait what? Is that really a question?" "Yep." she just nods. "Really? Wow." I mouth before shaking my head. "I dont really mind." im just thinking in my head. "Fuck me thats fucked up, whats next asking if i prefer white over coloured doctors?" Like seriously? They had to make that a question, THE FIRST QUESTION after having all my info was weather i wanted a male or female doctor? Thats jacked... Like they had so much uproar over such a thing they HAD to make that a question let alone the first one?!

Or so they say, and i hope that saying is true my puppy deserves it...

As for thr date disparaty i just found out today and im falling apart on thr inside

In loving memory of Jane Walter Roland December 21st 2007 - July 1st 2019

Im...im going to go cry now...I just lost ten years worth of files because windows 10 decided to update out of no where and completely killed itself...i cant...i lost all my stories, wips videos, games everything...legit, EVERYTHING backups of backups things i can NEVER get back are now gone...FUCK ME GOD FUCKING DAMNIT... I went from an almost full 1Tb ssd to an almost empty SSD...i-i cant...im...im just gonna cry.


This has officially ended my writing career

For the last hmmm 5 years i would say...yeah no well, hmm 6-7 years i've spent weeks on end sitting in doors with no sunlight what so ever except on the few days every so often i would go out and get food but other then that i was in my room. Well i went from that to now working 8 hours a day in the sun with no sunscreen and short sleeved shirts and a hat and...i have yet to be sun burned...WTF!? When i was a kid i would burn like a fucking piece of tissue paper tossed into a flame thrower! Now? Pfff nah im good like WHAT, im tan AF right now but not burned... im a strange fucking monster beast

Im gonna get arrested, or something bad is gonna happen, why? Because ever sense i moved to Arizona, my phone had dialed emergency services twice a day every other day for no reason. Up until now i thought i was just butt dialling them, idk its a touch screen in my pocket...anyway i just disproved that because it was in my back pack on youtube, meaning it was in full screen watching a video, mid video, it stopped the video and called the police...YEAH fuck you phone! Im all like "fuck it died." ten seconds later "Hello?" and im like WTF!? "Hello? Who is this!?" Im yelling because my friends ninja is fucking straight piped and im doing 80mph so its fucking loud, anyway She goes. "This is 911 do you need the police??" internally im like "OH FUCK." externally im like. "W-what? No what? How, i must have accidentally called you!" Keep in mind i have never called anyone on my motorcycle bluetooth ever in all my days i have no idea how to or anything, cant even hang up. and shes like "Ma'am i can barely hear you are you okay?!" at this point traffic kicks in and im down to like 25mph "Yeah im fine, i must have accidentally called you!" "Do you need the police?" "No! No! Im okay!" "OKay, well you can hang up now!" "...I dont know how..." I say in the most pathetic voice i can muster because i dont need to get in trouble and i genuinely dont know how. And she just says. "Okay." and then hangs up. I immediately pull over and begin to try and play youtube again, and for the rest of my 50 mile trip home nothing happens it plays music like any other time...FUCK...ME

$11 fucking dallors for a dry unseasoned burger!? Are you fucking high?! No seasoning lettuce was dry tomatoes were dry pickles were dry oinions tasted 3 days old and the only thing condiment you put on it was mustard!? Where and in what fucking universe is that supposed to be fucking anything but shit?! No no no i can shit a burger better then you can cook one! Now i went into this with very high expectations. I heard amazing things about these peoples burgers "better then in-N-out!" "Best burgers ive ever had" etc etc etc u was expecting great things and thats what they had?!?!? You call that a fucking burger?!? You people are fucking insane! Id eat mcdonalds before i go back! No ill eat dirt!! Im fucking pissed off that was so god damn fucking expensive i have NEVER been this fucking pissed off about food EVER! THAT WAS DEPRESSION ON A BUN!!

Dude just walked in with an umbrella cockatoo....dude really?! Yeah hes pretty yes hes cute but really?!

I got the job, i like the job, its simple, its easy, it pays enough for what it is, i like it, i'd even go on to say i love it...but as i do the numbers and i try to get my motorcycle therapy back up and running i realize...i cant get an 1199 again. "So? Whats the big deal?" "I dont know...just the thought of not being able to get my true love back is just it hurts, it legit makes me wanna cry when i think about it, that i have to 'cheap out' and get a jap bike. And there isnt anything wrong with jap bikes in all honesty they've really stepped up there game these last few years but they arent an 1199. Even though its 6 years old at this point i still think its the best damn bike out there. The looks, the feel, the smell, the sound, the joy of riding it...It seriously makes me wanna cry thinking that i'll almost never have the chance to get that type of bike again...And the longer it takes me to get a bike like that the less and less i'll be able to get a bike like the 1199, even the V4 is just...bleh you know? there is something off about it, i dont know what it is, the 1299 is also just kinda meh, in fact in a straight line up to 150 the 1199 is actually faster then both of them, they make so much power and are so light its hard for them to put the power down in an efficient manor, the 1199 was the best and fastest production bike back in its day and in some cases still is even faster then these newer bikes because it was just able to put the power down so god damn well. They dont come up for sale around here either, because they are that fucking good." "But its expensive to buy!" "Not really, the base model duck to the base model jap, with similar capabilities is only a few grand, which is legit like $20-30 more a month on the actual payment side, i can afford the payments, the insurance, the gas, but not the maintenance my commute is over 100 miles let alone what i'd do on a week end, and just commuting i do 25,000 miles a year thats almost two major services on the 1199-1299-V4 which is basically 800-1800 every six months, butt the fact that i'd be spending legit every cent i owned after rent, taxes and food, i'd have no money left over to save for said service...and it hurts, badly, my soul aches, it longs for that love again that feel, that smell, that sound, the joy of riding..."

Right now im currently riding my friends ninja 300 and i appreciate that he's letting me but every morning mon-fir, im just like. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" because i have to pin that thing for 100miles a day and its just not fun, its...basic granted i'd far prefer the 300 over sitting on the back of his R6 for those 100 miles but still right now riding is just a means to get from point A to point B and i dont like that, it causes more pain then relief more sadness in the realization i'd have to make double what i do now, or at least four more mons an hour to be able to afford my baby again and thats such a far and mother fucker of a bridge to get there... its like the title says, soul crushing because im not getting any younger and im on my feet for 12-14 hours a day and i just wont be able to keep this up forever let alone be able to do it long enough for such a thing as to own a bike like the 1199 again...

Welp, i moved out of Las Vegas and to Chandler Arizona with a friend, said good bye to my german shepherd of 12 years and now im just... i dont really know in all honesty im about to try and start applying for jobs and stuff so writing is probably gonna stop for a long time if not forever. I see how long and hard some people work and right now if that happens i'll need to focus on working and my relationships to keep them alive and thats really all i'll have time for, writing will take the back seat on the bus basically they'll really be the last thing on my mind once things start to get moving. I might have time once things settle but its not likely with how much i'll have to work to make ends meet...so, yeah thats it really, my writing days are pretty much over for the foreseeable future sorry to disappoint you all but well i dont really have a choice in the matter ^^;

Even after 20 years of type 1 and about 12+ years of doing things myself i just hit a blood vessel wrong and it just bleeds, like jesus. I just got my HRT shot to day and literally couldnt get the bandaid on fast enough i bleed down my leg onto my chair cushion and onto the floor in like, half a second hahaha, i was trying to get the bandaid package open and its right when you need it open fast when you cant figure out which fucking side is the one that opens X3

For those of you who still dont know, im a type 1 diabetic with an allergy to the human insulin. When i was younger and trying every human insulin known to man because by the time i was diagnosed with type 1 animal insulin was banned in the USA i had a particularly strong reaction to one of them, my blood sugar dropped and i dont really remember much after that, it was dark. The whole time, it was just dark, no feeling, no worry, just darkness, even after the fact when i got brought back, i was in a coma for a week, on the 6th day the doctors let my mother take me home to put me in my bed. Apparently they stated. "If he's going to die it should be at home not in a hospital." So she brought me home. There i laid, in bed, in a coma, the next day i woke up, my nails were painted a bright rainbow and my sisters were sleeping on the floor. I just woke up and went to the bathroom like i did every morning because at that point i still had no idea what happened. My memory after that is spotty at best, i was in and out of the hospital a lot after that, and eventually we have a certain mixture of humolog, and some other things mixed into it that made it so my blood didnt drop through the floor when even the slightest amount entered my body, and didnt cause massive tissue build up under my skin, i still get these "tissue tumors" but not as bad as i did originally. Oh well, thats my story, nothing special X3

Seriously guys, as just a hobby writer it only takes one commenter to make it all worth it, i know im quicker, not as refined, and not as original as some writers out there, and definitely not all that big, one comment means the world, as do the faves it really just. Makes the sleepless, gut wrenching nights worth it. I started writing because i couldnt really find anyone doing what i wanted, and i did, a lot of stories surrounded by what i wanted to do, and i did some requests and i got a fair amount of watchers doing this, well over 100 sense i started writing, but then it started not being fun anymore, it was always a "Oh crap i have people watching me now, what if i screw up!? What if they dont like what i put out?!" And things like that constantly.

And when i started writing if i wasnt in the right mood it just...ugh it was a night mare and it sucked so much and same goes for now its why i started writing for me again and frankly, i feel really really good about it again, i still think of Macro, micro stuff dont worry i just need to do something else for a bit, hopefully for those of you that watched me, are going to continue to stay watching because i know when a writer or artist switches things up a bit they either get a lot of hate or lose a lot of their 'fan base' because they watched for one specific reason. Its probably why being an artist and writer is so fucking stressful. Even for just hobby writers and artists because of the 'fans' seriously you arent a fan if you start to bash the writer or artist for doing different things!


ANYWAY i just wanted to write this and tell you all that im really thankful for all the watches and comments and such because they really really do mean a lot, i cant stress that enough!~ ^~^

The Barrett .50 is not a sniper its an anti material rifle please, for the love of guns, stop calling it a sniper, it makes snipers look bad, its not as accurate as the movies or video games tell you it is and its not meant for taking a dude out at 3 miles m'kay!? They mainly use them for IED disposals and taking down light armoureed vehicles, that is what it was designed for and what it is used for, bolt action or semi auto doesnt matter... please, stop calling it a sniper, its not a sniper...

We only played for about a minute but he enjoyed himself, AND got a bath with out needed to worry about it!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU7g9y98idc

It keeps turning on and off and going dark, and i just spent the last 17is minutes trying to get a spare monitor working and bottom line is, my GPU doesnt like it, everything is either to big or to small, there is no in between at all, its...sad i cant aford a new monitor... oh well, guess when it finally goes out im just never gonna leave bed X3

These two incidents happened today TODAY okay!!!

So, i get grumpy and super sassy when i get hungry and tired, and the things my brain comes up with are just, so fucking mean and racist...So now that you know that, lets begin

This incident happened first i believe, my friend snow and i have known each other for 12 years now making him not only my longest friend but also, the only irl friend i had up until a few years ago, anyway, we know each other pretty well by this point we can crack pretty weird jokes from time to time, and this one, im surprised he's still my friend. Okay so more info on Snow, was born and almost raised entirely in India, he speaks the native tongue to the area he grew up in, and speaks english with a non-accent its amazing, he's brilliant and so on, well, i havent seen snow in about two years now, we talk over texting and discord but thats about it, well today, he sent me a selfie of himself in his new motorcycle gear and the very first thing that i saw was he now has a beard!! I flipped i was like. "Holy shit WT fuck you have a beard!?" and he replied with "Yeah it happened recently." And the first thing after my brain composed itself said thought typed out and sent "Soo, when are you gonna start running that 7/11?" *Bangs head into the wall.* This isnt your old texting where you could fucking stop that shit from sending no! IT was sent before my frontal lobe was like. "WHOA HOLD ON!" By that point it was already to late, i was dying of laughter on the inside and panicking on the outside at this point i was like. "Oh my fucking god i cant believe i just said that shit!!!" Of course i worried for nothing and he laughed and said it was funny that he should start thinking about it and such but still holy hell my brain thought that up like on the spot...

This next one happened shortly after that first incident and i just feel awful even now... Anyway, my friend  Azikira and i voice chat on a daily bases and normally she's loud easy to understand and vibrant. I can do almost anything while we talk and almost never have to pause and say "What?" Unless im typing or something really loud happens in a game. well she's sick now, and is very hard to hear and understand, im hard on hearing as well which doesnt help, anyway, she starts coughing and hacking and because i hadnt eaten to much and i was tired and hungry i was getting rather annoyed needing to pause my video. I know, im a fucking asshole, anyway, this goes on for a bit, and near the end of my video she starts coughing and hacking again and my brain, thank god only thought this time and i quote "You know when you cough it finally gets you to stop talking" and of course, this being a thought i start cracking up in laughter to the point of tears, and of course she's like "What? Whats so funny?" And im just like. "No i cant its so fucking mean i cant tell you i cant physically speak the words.' So she;s just like "type it."and i of course end up typing it thankfully she got a kick out of it and laughed but fuck me how do i still have friends with my brain being this fucking mean to them!? I feel so bad its happening more and more as well i've noticed and its like. "Goddess am i really this much of an asshole?" The answer. "Yes, yes i am."

So the first dream i want to talk about is a strange one Now i dont normally talk about my dreams or look into them unless i have a similar or recurring dream. So im in a house, i've never been in this house before in fact at no point in this dream had i ever been anywhere in my life. So im in this house and like aliens begin to 'attack' but like they dont in the end, like everyone is panicking and preparing and then, nothing, its strange and then im in this tiny room with a door and two windows and like an art stand type deal ,and this shadow begins to t ry and get in through one of the windows but it cant get through the curtains it has to move the curtains out of the way to get in, then for some reason, im just like 'okay im tired of moving the curtains' and just let this thing in. What comes through isnt a shadow its like some sort of Reaper i cant explain the way it looked any other way and she said. 'You let me in?' and i replayed with 'Yeah i wasnt gonna keep moving the curtains back for the rest of forever' and then she just offered her hand to me. So i was just like 'okay' and took her hand then everything went black and white and the curtains disappeared and suddenly we climb out onto the fire escape and she begins to explain the world she lives in and its like a dystopia with magic and ghouls and monsters and things and i cant remember much after that other then we had to get something before someone else did.

This next dream was a bit more, normal if you can call it that, I die from something i cant remember what it was but i was given a second chance but its strange they say i can keep my old memories. Anyway, im given this body of a girl that just got choked out by her boyfriend she's young like 16-18. So i get into this body and its so, strange it feels so light and the lack of pain is off putting i feel like the room is spinning. I then get a flash of like a hospital and a doctor or two before i wind up in a small cabin, like, average bathroom size, kinda like the tiny room in the first dream, there is two windows and a door, but whats strange about this one is its absolutely filled with tarantula, well there were four or five of them in each corner of the wall opposite of the door, and they're black and white, the back wall seems to be black and white also


Now in both dreams there is death or something close to death, and black and white, now, none of this really makes any sense, death is usually correlated to change, either in a relationship (dear goddess i hope not) a job (like i've ever had a job in my life...) or the end of a chapter in my life, now those of you who know me, know that type of change isnt likely or even possible unless an almighty power intervenes seriously its that unlikely. now the tarantulas in my dream apparently can represent the "dark" side of my personality, but i mean come the fuck on, those of you who read my stories know i can be so dark, or they can represent a disappointing love affair or predict poor health, again i really fucking hope a love affair doesn't happen and i already fucking know my health is fucking shitty...Now, the main reason im concerned is my dreams have a tenancy to be...accurate what usually happens in my dreams matches something in my life that i can match up to a T is creepy, especially if similar or the same dream happens over and over again. Again what has me concerned this time around is i cant match these up...like at all, Now, the one thing i didnt mention above is that dreaming of a reaper figure can symbolize a bad omen or actual death which are the most likely,

In both dreams im calm about the situation like i was expecting it, like i had known these things would happen for a while, i felt content and at peace, like, things were gonna be okay even though, in the second dream i left so much behind and in the first one things were just way the fuck out of left field...idk im concerned and if i have another similar dream tonight i might start panicking and curl up in a corner in a blanket and cry i dont like change, i dont like the thought of any of my relationships ending, being friendships or mate, i dont like change unless its for the better, which it usually isnt, and i dont like the thought of death, as much as i hope it brings happiness at this point in my life, i have several people that i want to meet before death and from what they tell me, t hey'd miss me a lot so...i dont want to leave just yet...idk...i guess thanks for reading, have a nice day.

50 hours, with out food or insulin....i dont feel so hot but i finally have some food and insulin in my system and im alive...barely... but alive