https://www.twitch.tv/inqufox

Me mum wont let me keep my dogs skull after he dies, im pretty upset about this, ever sense i got him i knew he was going to be gone at some point down the road and i've always wanted to keep his skull after he dies so i can keep him close to me, but NO SHE WANTS TO TURN HIM TO ASH nu i want his skull damnit! >~< I'll wear it on Tuesdays i promise! X3

More specifically, an air force pilot, i love military aircraft, absolutely love it, but then i was told i couldn't get into the military because of my diabetes, so i set my sights on commercial aircraft, when i was younger and went to air shows there was a pilot i cant remember his name but he had diabetes and was apparently the first one in the world or something to have done it, there was a lot of hope in my eyes. Then my vision started to get bad, i needed glasses, sensitivity to light, bad joints, health problems piled up so fast...and now im 23 with no real future and only my dreams to accompany me to bed. Remember as a child you are told you can be and do anything you want to be or do? Yeah who ever told you that, needs their fucking tongue cut out and then they need to be drug out into the street and shot. If there is one thing life has taught me its to not get your hopes up. Or better yet, dont believe in hope dont trust it and more importantly dont count on it, or others.

There are only a paw full of people that havent fucked me over yet, one of them i've known half my life and funny thing is, he knows so little about me, another one i've know for about 4-5 years now our friendship started off rocky but now we talk daily. Another i've know for three, we rp everyday, then again we...'discuss' things more frequently then i do with others haha, and the lastest one that i know, love, trust my life with i've known for almost a year...sadly, these wonderful people are all scattered across the globe and with each passing day the chances of me seeing them irl grows less and less, my headaches are getting worse, my eye sight is getting worse even though doctors say its stabilizing, and worst of all, my memory is getting worse, im starting to lose entire days just suddenly wake up wondering what happened or what i did. Im not sleeping, im constantly stressed, and when i do sleep i have nightmares. Im scared one day i'll wake up and note know who these wonderful people are in my life. Im scared im going to continue on the way things are and just die, alone all my loved one hundreds and thousands of miles away. Im afraid of going to sleep and not waking up again.

I just needed to vent, i feel like im having a midlife crisis right now, and sadly my need for silence to keep my headaches down means i currently at the moment of typing this no one to talk to, and what i feel is a bit more important, hug, a should to cry on...fuck me i've cried more in these past 8 months i've cried more then in the past 22 years of my life...Anyway, hope you all are doing well, if you read it thanks for reading

My mothers husband believes in the government spraying chemicals into the air and thats what causes the weather...someone, help me...LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH

i went to bind a few keys that my old keyboard had that my new one doesnt, and out of curiosity i taped the keys that were broken and BOOM she's alive!!! Whoooo baby! Im so happy and a bit bleh because she smells like old coffee and is a bit sticky with old coffee hahaha X3

I need halp .-. this mission is kicking my ass, anyone open to halping me? X3

Lets get one thing straight right off the bat i am not anit vaccination i just so happen to be one of the unlucky people on this planet to be allergic to them...along with all my sisters and brothers...I'll get back to that later.

For now lets talk about what both sides fail to even consider, and when i say both sides im obivously taking about Vaccers vs Anti-Vac. They both fail to realize that a vaccination is a medicine in a way, and much like every medicine out there, there is a group of people allergic to them. See when most Anit-Vaccers look into why they shouldnt they look for a specific disease and the problem is, the Vaccination doesnt actually cause the disease its the allergic reaction. See, in my case i had an allergic reaction to well ALL of my vaccinations and pretty much grew up with a different problem for each one and not a single one of these problems runs in the family...at all. I spent more time in hospitals and travelling around to doctors then i was in school or at home as a child because they were all completely baffled as to why i had these problems when they couldn't find a cause. It took them 8 years to finally be like "Yeah you had an allergic reaction to your vaccinations" because it didnt even register in their minds that could be possible.

So when you have Anti-Vaccers looking into what a vaccination can cause they are led to the most prevalent thing Autism, which what was it? 1 in a million children have an allergic reaction and end up with Autism as a result? So lets do some math As of right now there are 7.7 billion people on the planet, lets round it up to 8 for ease. Okay so 1 in a million, times 8 billion is 80 million, a rather small number yeah? But what about the people that just had minor allergic reactions, like, me for example, that took most of my life to develop, my diabetes was pretty much how diabetes would normally start and it took them quite a while to find out what was wrong. As for other things, my knee for example took almost a decade or more to become a problem, and even longer for doctors to find out what was wrong, because again none of these issues run in the family and most of these things are usually genetic.

So again lets add some numbers in with the increase in mental illness and other thigns over the years, lets say for arguments sake these are all allergic reactions to Vaccines because unlike every other medicine out there this one is mandatory, lets say out of every billion people there are 500 million that have an allergic reaction, the steadily increasing problems begin to make a bit more sense now dont they? Because again lets remember no-one is actively thinking about people being allergic to this shit, suddenly people reproducing with these issues spread the issues and then they vaccinate their children and they have issues and because the parents had the issue no-one dares question the thing that's mandatory! And thats the issue i have, ever heard of the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished" yeah? You have? Great! Because see these vaccines are supposed to increase your life chances by introducing your immune system to a version of the disease thats cure able and can be taken down with meds if your immune system isnt up to the task, or what doctors call a "dead version" Which i dont buy personally, but thats just me.

Now lets think about a super minor side effect that i notice a lot of people that that dont even give it a second thought, yearly sickness the sentence "Yeah i get sick every year" Comes to mind right now. "Oh you do? How funny, i dont and i havent been vaccinated with anything sense i was three years old." In fact fun story because both my sisters and i had these allergic reactions and got pretty sick my mother didnt vaccinate my youngest brother. Anyone want to take a guess what happened? Thats right he was the healthiest mother fucker in the family! Never got sick, never had an issue with anything, grew up to not only be the strongest one in the family but the tallest smartest one too, straight A student 6'5" he's fucking huge okay? Guess what? He wasnt vaccinated until he was 15 when the "Its against my religion" thing didnt work for this school and to get in he was basically forced to get hem to continue school, yeah thats something that raises a red flag for me but hey its normal these days, anyway, guess who started getting sick every year? Yeah He did... Funny thing right? Just after he got vaccinated he started having problems with illness every year...

Again im not Anti-vacces but for fuck sake cant we at least put more effort into the thought that this shit needs to be rethought off and i dont know NOT FUCKING MANDATORY?! Seriously its the only thing i know that can cause actual harm to a person and still be mandatory with out even considering the fact people could be allergic. Its like saying "Hey are you allergic to peanuts? You dont know? Lets throw you into a room full of 'em and find out, oh yeah? Oh and the only way to find out and the only way to get in to school is to go through this room, unless its against your religion of course." And for those of you who dont know at least here in the USA its actually Illegal for a school or public place of work to ask.

Vaccinations have indeed increased life expectancy and all that shit that's not debatable...or is it? Personally i don't take medication unless i require it to live...funny how im allergic to the medication i actually need to take to live...how 'bout that...anyway, well i don't take pain meds either because im allergic to those as well, anyway, i dont take meds when i get sick because i dont feel its really necessary I've never been sick for more then a week but then again my sisters and brother take the meds and they're sick for the same amount of time, so you know to me whats the point? I stay in side and in my room for a week big deal, its also been almost a decade sense i was sick but you know details. My brother is sick every year but you know, details...Anyway my point is, Vaccinations shouldn't be mandatory and people really need to start thinking more about "What if im allergic." Then "It has a 1 in a million chance to cause this thing!" Because frankly my medical bills are fucking through the roof my the shit wrong with me and as far as i know i dont have Autism so...yeah...anyway hope things are going well for everyone, thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully spread the thought around that an allergy for everything exists, and should not be taken lightly... oh the off chance i get side tracked, hell i've heard of schools banning fucking PB&J because like three kids were allergic to peanuts we need to take THAT kind of precaution damnit! Hahaha anyway again hope you're all well

Their average life span is 9-13 years so he's on the far edge of the average life span and i know they can live longer then 13 years and shorter then 9 but he's having troubles getting up and is laying down more and more, and struggling more and more as time passes, he's been twitching in his sleep a lot and i find myself constantly looking back at him while he sleeps to make sure he's breathing... His back still isnt fully healed, and his knee is still weak, its been almost his whole life now. He has bursts of energy and happiness and it makes you think. "wow he's got some much life in him still!" But then he'll lay down and sleep almost all day, and he has less and less energy spurts... he gets super grumpy, you can see him struggling to get up and he gets really mad when you go to help him like really really mad >~< I cant get him into the back of a car anymore to take him to get his nails cut so i had to go get a nail cutter and he gets real unhappy with me when i go to cut his nails but he loves his paws being rubbed...I just...i worry about him, he's getting old, and grey...i just wonder how long he really has left...

""The meal is over when i hate myself" - Luis C.K

I dont know why i do this to myself >~< I dont eat for like two days and then my brain is like. "FOOD! NOW!" And i go and make cinnamon french toast, and a Hawaiian style pizza, and ate it all *face desk* And it was soooooo goood too! Q~Q

"The Runaway Traincast pod cast has taken a detour to my channel for this episode here is the link for anyone interested X3


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGtoHGctN5Q&feature=youtu.be&a=

As a Male to Female trans it makes me sick with all the bull shit going on right now. With how many people freaking out on what you need to do to start HRT and become the opposite gender. ITS THIS WAY FOR A FUCKING REASON YOU FUCKS. And at the end of the day when you write it down on the steps you need to take to start HRT its a fucking cake walk.

1) Go to your GP say "I want to be female" Or "I want to be Male"

2) they recommend you to an Endocrinologist.

3) They say you need to be 'evaluated' a.k.a you go see a therapist and psychiatrist

4)go see said peoples.

5) Repeat phrase in step one

6) take the papers they give you back to the endocrinologist.

7) get blood work

8) start HRT

Boom, fucking done in fact the most stressful part about ALLLLL of that? The blood work in the end because im not going to lie there are a number of things they could have turned me away on. Diabetes with my allergies, iffy heart, over all bad health to the point of being disabled yeah they could have been like "Nope you're sick as fuck bye bye!" And thrown me out. Every single one of these steps is VERY necessary to going through HRT right. Its not joke, it's dangerous Hormones control a hell of a lot in your body and throwing them out of wack with out doctors and medical check ups on the regular is a serious danger to your health AND metal state. My friends can back me up on that one, i've cried and been historical on multiple occasions sense i started HRT where as before HRT i hadnt cried in years close to a decade actually, and laughing was just out of the question at least the "i cant fucking breathe that was so funny type of laughing." And now im doing both fairly regularly and im actually happy. I smile to myself as i see my body changing. HRT is NOT something you should just sprint through or just go "Eh i'll by some hormones off the internet and wing it" I SAY AGAIN THESE STEPS ARE HERE FOR A REASON! Now that being said, from start to finish it was about eh 8 months from step 1 to step 8 and all the insurance complications to boot which, again is a very small amount of time when most of it is just waiting for doctors appointments. "But what if i cant afford all of those doctors appointments?!" I hear you yelling at me. "Well tough shit." Is my answer. "Just because you need something in this world doesnt mean you can afford it. Yeah its fucked, no its not fair, and in a just and perfect world, well guess what you'd have been born in the gender and body you wanted in the first place."

Now onto my second point that i see and hear going around "Trans rights are human rights." *clears throat* Bullshit. Most of the things you're asking to make legal are not only sexual offenses but have been sense the invention of segregated bathrooms a.k.a male and female bathrooms. And just fucking sit back and think about what would be required for a trans to prove they are trans just to use said bathrooms. Paperwork and even more shit we'd have to deal with and for what?! So you can use a filthy ass fucking germ infesting shitting spot in the opposite sexes bathroom, really?! YOU GO AROUND BITCHING ABOUT ALL THE SHIT YOU HAVE TO DO JUST TO START HRT AND YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH EVEN MORE?! Seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU. PEOPLE. THINKING?! Jesus fucking lord hell fuck you guys are morons. As someone that has avoided public bathrooms sense kinder garden its insanely easy to do in fact, i havent used a public rest room in my day to day life sense god i was like 5. The only times i use one of those fucking things is when i either have a choice of pissing myself or using the public bathroom, you'd be surprised how hard that question is for me to answer. And allegedly i may or may not have pissed behind a dumpster once or twice....Praise the lord baby jesus for my mothers teachings hahaha X3 Anyway, now i hear you asking. "What about shitting??" "Well my dear lads, when i went to go pick up my S-15 jimmy, i didn't shit for 3 days." When you are legit fearful or uncomfortable with the thought of something you can do incredible things to avoid said things.

In fact that brings me to a point i didnt actually think to bring up. Both my Endo doc and my psychiatrist said "You know this could kill you." and my response was. "And?" They just nodded and smiled after that. I dont care that HRT could turn sour and kill me i honestly dont, im on a road that will lead me to becoming a girl, something i've wanted sense birth, its literally my first memory. sitting on the edge of my bed looking up at the stars wishing, praying, hoping to be a girl and now im on a road that could take me there. And at the end of the day. "Trans rights are human rights" is pointless, why? Because HRT only takes a few years before its finished. And if you've gone X amount of time being the opposite gender and doing all that, a few years should be a cake walk to wait to do what you want legally anyway right? I mean lets be real, if im walking about with breasts long hair girly cloths no bulge in my pants etc, no-one is going to take a second glance if i walk into the women's bathroom. Hell even before i started HRT i've been mistaken for a girl more times then i can count. Hell there was one time i even had a fucking BEARD and was wearing "man cloths" and this guy walks up to me looking at my side he could see my beard and straight up asked. "Hey miss can i ask you a question." and i was like. "Yeah sure." Of course once i opened my mouth and turned to the guuy he was like. "Holy shit you're a guy!" Anway moral of the stories are, ITS FUCKING EASY TO BECOME THE OPPOSITE GENDER AND IF FOR ONE SECOND YOU CALL YOURSELF A TRANSGENDER AND WONT EVEN CONSIDER HRT OR "BOTTOM SURGERY" YOU ARENT A TRANSGENDER YOU WANT FUCKING ATTENTION AND YOU NEED TO HAVE YOUR TEETH KICKED IN WITH A FLAMING ENGINE BLOCK!!

There i said whats been on my mind for well a long time, hope everyone is having a good holiday season, feel free to hate me~ X3

ITS INK DAMNIT...fuck me, yes Inqu is pronounced INK why? Because the Q in the English language can NOT make a sound with out U after it, so if i spelled it Inq it would be IN in my langue. ITS BASIC FUCKING ENGLISH YOU LEARN THIS IN GRADE SCHOOL!! *tosses desk across the room* okay...rant over...


Hope you're all having wonderful holidays~