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Posted 3 weeks agoLIVESTREAM ON!!! - Dying Light: The Beast
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Posted 2 months agoGo check this artist out! 
kirlanlion
kirlanlionI been struggling making this journal…
Posted 6 months agoWe all make mistakes and mess up at times, including myself. Lately, I’ve been feeling unsure about what is real in the furry community and communities in general. This is simply my opinion about myself and my perspective on the furry community. If I offend anyone, I apologize in advance and hope you can understand my point of view.
It's not always easy. I tend to repeat mistakes in my relationships, which has led to burning bridges. Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing this. Honestly, I don’t have a clear answer. But after reflecting on it, I’ve been told by real-life friends, “Everything on the internet is fake. People will often gaslight and manipulate you to use you as a scapegoat and hide their own flaws, making you the bad guy.” I tried not to fixate on this because it’s serious to me, but it’s been weighing on my mind. By the end of the day, I ask myself: is any of this worth it?
The drama, the petty relationships, the online arguments over misunderstandings—what is it all for? Why do we hurt each other over the smallest issues? In many online communities, and I’m not saying everyone acts this way, some people tend to create a false image behind the screen. There are individuals who won’t let you be yourself and instead want you to conform to their way of thinking. It becomes toxic, and sometimes the only option is to leave and find a new group of supportive people.
This situation has caused me a lot of stress. It reached a point where I just didn’t want to deal with it any longer. I wanted to ignore everything and move on, so I could be myself and focus on what I want without worrying about external pressures. For six years in the furry community, I’ve struggled to please people, but it often feels like it’s never enough. I’ve wanted to express these thoughts in this journal for a while, but I hesitated. I didn’t want to sound like a victim or come off as complaining. This is simply how I feel as I continue to learn and grow.
We all lose friends and the things we enjoy from time to time; that’s part of life. All we can do is move on and seek better experiences for ourselves. I often feel mentally strained because of my mistakes and those of others, all colliding together. In reality, I just want to be myself and focus on what I want to do, without feeling the need to please others or be a pushover. I want to gain self-respect and establish boundaries, something I’ve struggled to maintain due to this ongoing cycle.
I believe many people are aiming for the same goal. This brings me back to the question: is any of this worth it?
It's not always easy. I tend to repeat mistakes in my relationships, which has led to burning bridges. Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing this. Honestly, I don’t have a clear answer. But after reflecting on it, I’ve been told by real-life friends, “Everything on the internet is fake. People will often gaslight and manipulate you to use you as a scapegoat and hide their own flaws, making you the bad guy.” I tried not to fixate on this because it’s serious to me, but it’s been weighing on my mind. By the end of the day, I ask myself: is any of this worth it?
The drama, the petty relationships, the online arguments over misunderstandings—what is it all for? Why do we hurt each other over the smallest issues? In many online communities, and I’m not saying everyone acts this way, some people tend to create a false image behind the screen. There are individuals who won’t let you be yourself and instead want you to conform to their way of thinking. It becomes toxic, and sometimes the only option is to leave and find a new group of supportive people.
This situation has caused me a lot of stress. It reached a point where I just didn’t want to deal with it any longer. I wanted to ignore everything and move on, so I could be myself and focus on what I want without worrying about external pressures. For six years in the furry community, I’ve struggled to please people, but it often feels like it’s never enough. I’ve wanted to express these thoughts in this journal for a while, but I hesitated. I didn’t want to sound like a victim or come off as complaining. This is simply how I feel as I continue to learn and grow.
We all lose friends and the things we enjoy from time to time; that’s part of life. All we can do is move on and seek better experiences for ourselves. I often feel mentally strained because of my mistakes and those of others, all colliding together. In reality, I just want to be myself and focus on what I want to do, without feeling the need to please others or be a pushover. I want to gain self-respect and establish boundaries, something I’ve struggled to maintain due to this ongoing cycle.
I believe many people are aiming for the same goal. This brings me back to the question: is any of this worth it?
Any furry fighters out there?
Posted 11 months agoWould love to get to know and meet some. Curious about seeing some art and their personality.
I have bluesky
Posted 11 months agoPreparing for Hurricane Milton
Posted a year ago...
Hopefully...it doesn't take me. Or anyone in Florida. But...I hope all of you stay safe
Hopefully...it doesn't take me. Or anyone in Florida. But...I hope all of you stay safe
Art Raffle!
Posted a year agothis artist 
AmideoArts is hosting a raffle!
Check him out!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55643786/
AmideoArts is hosting a raffle!Check him out!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55643786/
Moved to Bluesky
Posted 2 years agoI moved to Bluesky if you guys want to follow me there.
https://bsky.app/profile/smorestheking.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/smorestheking.bsky.social
Journal Update: 08/14/2023
Posted 2 years agoSo, it's been a while since I done a journal like this. So I might as well post this as a update to talk about what I been doing my whole life.
So basically, it's just a whole lot of struggling to find a suitable job for myself to survive on my own and such. What's more hard is trying to find roomate to roommate to live only for a couple of months. I graduated college, got my associates degree for game development, however I don't know why I haven't got a game designing job until I found out the answer for myself.
The reason why is because it's not what I actually want. Yea it's a waste of time of learning after 3 or 4 years of it, but it's more like for someone's expectations. I don't know who I want to be, I don't even know who I am anymore. Because of this I been distancing myself from social media time to time to do something for just...me. I wanted to focus on taking care of my mental health first before I can help other people I know and care about. When I try to explain about my mental health, that's when those type of "friends" just turn down on you and walk away. Honestly I didn't care anymore because I knew what will happen. So I moved on.
Thinking about this part is a fear I have. Two fears actually. "The fear of being left out" and "The fear of people expecting something from you" from what I learned most of the people always believe in expectations and that's the sad part. I don't believe in expectations mainly because I just wanted to be realistic in a sense. If someone expect something from me, it's when I decided to not just deal with it. It's not healthy. I been mentally abused my entire life up until now and I prefer not to be on that road again. All I want in life is just to be me. To just live a normal life instead of being in someone's shadow or a uninteresting person to them. The third and final thing I fear the most is...after accomplishing my goals, example becoming a stronger version of myself, physically and mentally, all the sudden those type of fake friends want me in their life where they didn't want me before. I learned not to deal with that bullshit now. Too much drama, and I rather avoid it.
Right now, I'm still trying the best I can to focus on myself more than on social media. That's all I been doing this whole time. I can't always be there for people online and they know that.
So basically, it's just a whole lot of struggling to find a suitable job for myself to survive on my own and such. What's more hard is trying to find roomate to roommate to live only for a couple of months. I graduated college, got my associates degree for game development, however I don't know why I haven't got a game designing job until I found out the answer for myself.
The reason why is because it's not what I actually want. Yea it's a waste of time of learning after 3 or 4 years of it, but it's more like for someone's expectations. I don't know who I want to be, I don't even know who I am anymore. Because of this I been distancing myself from social media time to time to do something for just...me. I wanted to focus on taking care of my mental health first before I can help other people I know and care about. When I try to explain about my mental health, that's when those type of "friends" just turn down on you and walk away. Honestly I didn't care anymore because I knew what will happen. So I moved on.
Thinking about this part is a fear I have. Two fears actually. "The fear of being left out" and "The fear of people expecting something from you" from what I learned most of the people always believe in expectations and that's the sad part. I don't believe in expectations mainly because I just wanted to be realistic in a sense. If someone expect something from me, it's when I decided to not just deal with it. It's not healthy. I been mentally abused my entire life up until now and I prefer not to be on that road again. All I want in life is just to be me. To just live a normal life instead of being in someone's shadow or a uninteresting person to them. The third and final thing I fear the most is...after accomplishing my goals, example becoming a stronger version of myself, physically and mentally, all the sudden those type of fake friends want me in their life where they didn't want me before. I learned not to deal with that bullshit now. Too much drama, and I rather avoid it.
Right now, I'm still trying the best I can to focus on myself more than on social media. That's all I been doing this whole time. I can't always be there for people online and they know that.
Made a new Twitter
Posted 2 years agohttps://twitter.com/KingSmoreDerg?t.....BKR9g&s=09
I wanna give this a shot to try and be active on it. I'm using my old one just for art searching and networking.
I wanna give this a shot to try and be active on it. I'm using my old one just for art searching and networking.
Turned 22 Today.
Posted 3 years agoBeen a while since I posted a journal here. Today is me birthday to celebrate! ^^
I'm looking for discord furry fight rp servers
Posted 4 years agodoes anyone know where I can find one?
Level Up
Posted 4 years agoBalloons have raised and I’m finally 21. Time to drink and party
TMI Tuesday
Posted 4 years agoAsk my characters any questions.
Kalmin: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35975508/
Jaiden: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35993748/
Sintino: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36020064/
Yaju: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36006614/
Onyx: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36496921/
Atiyama: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36079322/
Hugo: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41273551/
Kalmin: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35975508/
Jaiden: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35993748/
Sintino: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36020064/
Yaju: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36006614/
Onyx: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36496921/
Atiyama: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36079322/
Hugo: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41273551/
I’m going to focus on Fighting and Slice of Life conten...
Posted 4 years agoIt’s what I enjoy when it comes to writing or rping. But I wanna focus on those for artwork instead of random things like nsfw. I want to do sfw more and nsfw less cause it’s my life, and I don’t want my characters to look like they only enjoy sex, No. that’s not what I’m aiming for. Sure my characters can be hot to the viewer’s eyes and opinion, but I want to focus on making my characters feel like a reality, making a story for where they have character, they feel real, and their story will be interesting.
It’s something I want to do in a long time and I been practicing on my writing. So I hope once I got the hang of writing, I can show my story someday.
It’s something I want to do in a long time and I been practicing on my writing. So I hope once I got the hang of writing, I can show my story someday.
“When the weak become broken...
Posted 4 years agoThey will rise to keep being alive.”
(Teaser)
(Teaser)
ITS FINALLY HERE!!
Posted 4 years agoDiamond and Pearl remakes boys! Who is excited for it!?
Redesigning my wolf, Atiyama
Posted 4 years agoI’m remaking the character to a different species, but don’t know what can fit his reaper role, can anyone give me any suggestions which is the best species?
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36079322/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36079322/
I have a confession to make.
Posted 4 years agoDogs are the best boofers to love
Does anyone know how rpg turn based game stories work?
Posted 5 years agoJust need some advice on those for my project
Another Year, Another Life
Posted 5 years agoGoodbye 2020, Hello 2021. Hope the new year doesn’t fuck up like last time lol
Sfw Mostly First, Nsfw Less Second
Posted 5 years agoI been thinking a lot and I think it’s best if I don’t involve my characters into nsfw content a lot. I can only do it for a right reason or something that can make sense, but for now I mostly want to focus on sfw for now.
It’s because I want to improve and grow myself into making this characters to become interesting for the viewers, if they like or don’t like then that’s totally fine. But it’s just that since I been working on a project of mine, i want to focus on my project only, and I want to focus on sfw only for now on.
Sure not getting into nsfw a lot is stupid but it’s my life. And it’s my desicion. Tbh, even if I don’t do nsfw, sfw is already better than nsfw anyway, cause it shows the viewers how their character development is. So that’s my desicion.
It’s because I want to improve and grow myself into making this characters to become interesting for the viewers, if they like or don’t like then that’s totally fine. But it’s just that since I been working on a project of mine, i want to focus on my project only, and I want to focus on sfw only for now on.
Sure not getting into nsfw a lot is stupid but it’s my life. And it’s my desicion. Tbh, even if I don’t do nsfw, sfw is already better than nsfw anyway, cause it shows the viewers how their character development is. So that’s my desicion.
The content I wanna focus on.
Posted 5 years agoFighting - Because I love how two guys throw hands in a street fight or an arena. It’s both hot and badass.
Muscle - Because working out can get you to build up strength, stamina, etc. for any sport you go for.
Slice of Life - To enjoy quality time at home or with buddies.
Muscle - Because working out can get you to build up strength, stamina, etc. for any sport you go for.
Slice of Life - To enjoy quality time at home or with buddies.
The reason for my previous journal
Posted 5 years agoThe reason why I ask that question...is because I’m thinking in the near future I don’t know if I should give up on nsfw or not. I been wanting to at first but at the same time, I keep coming back to it. I know it’s hot and all but, honestly it ruins my life cause everytime my derg is in it, it feels like he is a slut, and I don’t like that. Plus the more I look at it, the more I’m addicted to it and it changes my personality cause of it. It’s like when your addicted to smoking or addicted to eating a whole bag of candy.
It’s affecting me and I’m starting to feel bad for myself of what I’m becoming, it’s ruining my life, and I don’t even know why I keep getting addicted to this. It’s why I want to do sfw first and nsfw less.
I’m worried that I’m gonna keep wanting more nsfw stuff over and over and accidentally hurt my friends or even worse cause of it. So I limit myself from nsfw and looked at sfw more often.
Again, I don’t know how to control myself if I’m around that nsfw stuff. So Mabye in the near future, Who knows, I have to stop being addicted around it and move on...I don’t know.
It’s affecting me and I’m starting to feel bad for myself of what I’m becoming, it’s ruining my life, and I don’t even know why I keep getting addicted to this. It’s why I want to do sfw first and nsfw less.
I’m worried that I’m gonna keep wanting more nsfw stuff over and over and accidentally hurt my friends or even worse cause of it. So I limit myself from nsfw and looked at sfw more often.
Again, I don’t know how to control myself if I’m around that nsfw stuff. So Mabye in the near future, Who knows, I have to stop being addicted around it and move on...I don’t know.
