I've been thinking about this for a little while now and I really hope y'all will stick with me. I've been thinking of putting a bit stronger focus on NSFW art. I'm not doing this to gain followers, I'm a very small time artist and I'm perfectly ok with that.

However, I feel like I'm not pushing myself enough. I want to grow as an artist even if it's not with the same passion as I once had. I also mentioned a long time ago that I wanted to do commissions when I feel like I'm in a good spot and when I've got a tablet. This is still a goal of mine. Keep in mind, I won't only do commissions, most art here will be of my own design.

And if I may bring up something a bit personal, I'm also doing this to free myself. You're probably wondering what I mean by this, and I'll just put it this way. I grew up not only being ashamed of my own sexuality, but afraid even show romantic feelings towards people. This is something I've struggled with for a long time now. I often fear that my friends are going to judge me and make fun of me for my kinks or even romantic feelings, which I know they won't, but the fear is still there. Hell, I'm kinda made fun of because my fetishes are tame as hell compared to everyone else.

I've grown a lot as a person and learned a lot about myself over the past couple years. Do I want to be "the pervy gay chick"? No, but I want to accept myself for who I am and not be ashamed of, in the scheme of things, small shit.

So yes, I'm entirely doing this for myself, although the reasons are varied. I am a very sexual person and I feel I need to accept that. To a certain extent. I'm not going to walk around without my pants on. Unless someone wanted to see that, but hey, there's a reason I'm single.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope it doesn't ruin anyone's opinion of me. I want to re-iterate that the SFW art will NOT stop. There will always be SFW art here, probably the majority of what I post. I just don't want to hold myself back out of fear and anxiety of being judged either.

-Snow

I'm taking a second to boost this journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:49906747

It's about two kittens that were found and they need medical attention as soon as possible. They're both very injured. If you can't donate to helping them get the vet they need, please boost the linked journal.

https://beta.furrynetwork.com/snowbbi/

Just in case something happens to FA. I still prefer this site, but here's where I'll be active when the site crashes. It's more of a backup and hopefully to help spread my art around and meet more cool peeps like you.

I'm never saying "peeps" again.

Wow, that took a while. Now to send out the notes and comments again if I can remember.

If you've noted me recently, I did try getting back to you around the time of FA's downtime, if I don't get back to you tonight, please send me another note. The timing was just really bad, I'm sorry.

Funny how the day I decide to hunker down and get back to you guys, the site goes down for over 24 hours.

I've been pretty inactive here lately due to my shitty sleeping pattern (Ha ha, what's waking up before 5:30pm?) and how we've been living off Chef Boyardee and ramen for like, a week now.

I added one of you to Skype (Which if anyone else would like to talk there, just send me a note) and I haven't talked to you in a week because of everything going on.

I wanted to discuss my last picture while I'm here. It's been such a difficult past month for me, let alone what this year has been. As most of my long time watchers would know, I'm struggling with depression and being suicidal. I've been trying my best to hide that lately. I'm the kind of person who, as cliche as this sounds, laughs so I don't cry. But with that, I've been finding it harder and harder to do that. I don't see this year getting easier on me, especially with this summer coming up. I planned this for years and I've had to watch everything I worked for fall apart in front of me for the second time in my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm aware I'm not in a mental state and that's why I've been quiet. I've pretty much got the place to myself tonight. I'll try taking care of a few things here while I watch the RDA stream.

Thanks for sticking around,

-Snow

So Overwatch is free until the 9th and holy crap I love that game.

If you want to add my Battle.net account, my ID number is: #1347

I'm totally a Mercy main.

(Sorry for not getting to people today, it's been a long one and I blew all my spare time playing it...)

I got everything from my mother except my rabbit. I'll pick her up when I can afford to take care of her.

Y'know, I was scared on the way there, but when we had to make our second trip back, I wasn't at all. My mother refused to come to the door. We picked up my shit and left.

I was thinking that when this is all taken care of, I'm going to tell my mother that she's no different than my father. All she ever did was let the abuse happen, she just stood idly by whenever I needed her. She's too much of a coward to realize that my sister has become a horrible person.

She always told me she'd love my sister and I if either of us turned out gay. I feel like I've just grown up being told a lie.

She never wanted anything else out of us other than to make her a grandmother someday.

I hate her so fucking much but at the same time I want to cry. I don't have a family anymore. I lost all I had left because of hatred for something I can't control. I always felt like she'd be happier if it was me instead of my brother who died after birth.

I used to fear becoming like my parents. I'm not afraid of that anymore because I know it won't happen. I will never, ever be them. I'm too good to be them.

So apparently no matter what I try, Wepay just refuses to stay up and make it so I can keep my GoFundMe up. It doesn't even give me an actual reason why, just says that it can't. I don't know if I can even bother setting up another one.

I've been slow getting to people as usual, and I'm really sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of stress and the family I'm staying with wasn't in a good situation financially before I even got here.

I'm going to be honest here guys, I had problems with drinking a few years back. It was a background influence behind why my ex left. I dealt with a friend's death poorly and blamed myself because I was the last person he talked to before committing suicide. Things with my job and my internship didn't make it easier, I was sexually harassed for months by an older man and I couldn't just tell Claudia all of that.

I've been drinking again. Not huge amounts, maybe two or three shots worth a day, four if I'm feeling really shitty.

I uh... Might just put my Paypal info out to anyone who wants to help me out with money until I can settle a job. But first, I feel like I need to bring something up. I'm still trying to even find the words. I mean, it's a huge reason why I got booted out the first place. I just don't want to lose the people I've come attached to here. I guess it's coming more and more obvious, but I'll write a post about it once I'm not scared to death of telling you guys.

I've been applying to three or four places a day with no results.

I'm going to try drawing more. Maybe once I have a bit of spare money for more art books, I'll offer sketch commissions.

I'm sorry to pester you guys, especially my new watchers who didn't follow me for this depressing crap I've had shoveled onto my lap as of late.

I unfortunately had to set up another GoFundMe page due to complications with WePay (Which I've solved, it was some issue with not getting the notification about signing up for them too).

gofund.me/Snowbbifund

I'm really sorry to pester you guys with this ^^;

Unfortunately, there's something I can't talk about in a public place. If anyone wants to reach out to me, it would be appreciated. Just keep in mind that what's on my mind is pretty heavy ^^;

I've set up a GoFundMe to help with paying my friend's family and getting food until the transfer happens with my job. I'm in a position where I don't know what else to do.

Please share this link: https://www.gofundme.com/snowbbi and if you can (But please don't feel like you have to) please consider donating. The goal there is just for month, as I really hope this transfer goes through soon.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and a huge thanks to anyone who donates or even shares this.

*hug*

-Snow

It's official. I'm homeless now. I went back to try to work things out with my work and I went to unlock the door. She changed the locks. I took a bus back across the city and I'm at my friend's again.

It was a 2 hour or so trip. I made it safely, didn't get mugged or anything. I'm always so scared of carrying my laptop in public. So I guess all of my worldly possessions fit in two bags.

Y'know, I've spent my entire life scraping by. We were always poor and even lived in the garage of some family friends for a while when I was a kid. I've survived so many suicide attempts I've lost count, I've been abused, beaten, had people step my heart into the ground and I still manage to pick myself up.

I told my friend I was thinking of killing myself before this happened, so I wouldn't be a burden to his family.

I don't know how I'm going to get out of this one. I'm so afraid.

I'll set up a Go Fund Me tomorrow if possible. I hate asking for money or help because it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of people, but I don't have much money and until I can get transferred (I'm calling tomorrow at 11am), I might need help to get by.

I wanted this year to be something great... I wanted Anna, I wanted everything I could've ever hoped for. I wanted happiness.

Guess I'll have to settle for a mickey of vodka tonight.

So the person I wrote about earlier for the commission got back to me and they're ready to take my commission. I wasn't expecting it so fast. Anyway, I'd like to thank the people who recommended artists to me ^^

I'm also here to quickly say that I'll be a little more in-active over (hopefully just) the next week, due to the whole being kicked out situation. I hope things will be settled soon so I can get back to talking more to people here. I've been at my friend's since Thursday and I'll be heading back tomorrow to deal with the finalization of my transfer and moving as much out as I can. Unfortunately I won't be able to take everything, but I'll live with my bed, consoles and TV for a while. I'd love to get back to drawing again. It'll still only be by hand, the mouse situation isn't any better.

This move is going to be hard, especially since I'll have to leave my baby behind until we can get our own place. Maddy has become one of the pets I've been the closest to and I'm really going to miss her. Geez, it's depressing thinking about it ^^;

It's going to be weird living with so many people. I'm actually a pretty solitary person. I don't know if I come off that way or not...

I'd feel terrible about leaving you guys until everything is completely settled. I'll be sure to tell you guys how the move is going and how things are at the new store.

It's going to be a weird time.

-Snow

So I had one person in mind that I wanted to commission, but they've got a long queue. I'm can only afford one for 60 or so Canadian dollars, although I apparently have more in my savings account than I had thought. 60 bucks is all I can really throw at a commission at the moment...

Anyway, I'm going to ask who you guys recommend. I'm looking for someone who can do a NSFW picture of Amber and Snow.

I swear I'm going to get something that's SFW eventually. Really.

I'm just really gay >///>

I just wanted to tell you all I'm not dead. I decided to go back to my friend's house a few hours after getting home and we've been super busy.

Everything from September until now was just a warm up and things are going to get infinitely more difficult. This year isn't giving me a break. Especially this month.

Mom moved the date I'm being forced out forward, my friend is having problems at home and I'm caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Things aren't ok and they aren't going to be ok.

I really appreciate the people who talk to me and treat me like I matter. Some of you guys are far more talented than me. Sometimes I wonder why a nobody like me is even on your radars.

I uh... I want to get to know you guys more and maybe even hopefully become good friends with you guys.

Things are tough and they're going to get so much harder, but something sticks to my mind. People have told me there's no stupid reason to stay alive, and that comforts me a lot. One of the biggest things that honestly keeps me going is one day playing the new Monster Hunter that comes out this year with my friends.

I don't have Anna anymore. I can't look forward to seeing her and kissing her. Everything I've been through for her meant nothing and the real kick to the groin is that no matter how hard I worked to make seeing her in person a reality... She's already seeing a foreign friend this month who put nowhere near the amount of effort into anything as I did. I was just a placeholder all over again.

This is going to be the hardest year of my life. I just hope I have enough strength in me to keep going forward, because it's starting to feel like I'm close to bleeding out.

I'll send a couple of you some private notes while my friend is playing Age of Mythology and I'm watching. I probably won't be able to answer all of your comments but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you guys have said to me lately. Thank you, really.

Remember when I went to my best friend's place and I was trying to be optimistic and thinking life was looking up for me?

Nope. The date I'm being forced out by is now even earlier and his family still doesn't know. I'm trying not to freak out at him because he still doesn't have a job and that would be a major card in our hand if he did, but I'm running out of options here.

I... I have no choice but to open a GoFundMe. I didn't want to have to resort to this. I can't do anything anymore, this is the third week I've gotten no schedule at all. I'm all sorts of fucked and this year has given me NO foothold.

Y'know, this was the year I was building up to for years. I was putting everything I had into a good 2016. I was going to have the one I loved visit, I was going to show her everything I could and I was going to do everything in my power just to see her gorgeous smile in person. I wanted to sit under the fireworks with her and hold her as closely as I could. This was going to be the year I could start my medication and try making my life what I've always wanted it to be.

Instead I get dumped for someone she hasn't known for nearly as long as me, I fall ill for 4 months, my body takes a beating and I got tested for cancer, all while the date of being thrown out gets closer and closer and the date keeps getting moved forward.

And still, I've got a couple friends trying to guilt me into taking care of their needs and making sure they're happy.

What do I have to look forward to anymore? Another year of being alone? Another year of knowing someone could kill me for what I am? Another year of pressure? Being homeless? There's no woman on this earth that wouldn't look at me and think I'm a freak.

I'm...I'm so tired of people telling me they'll never leave me but knowing they're wrong and it's just a matter of time. I'm tired of being second best, I'm tired of never meaning jack shit to anyone.

Maybe I should just kill myself. I went through the same thing I did 4 years ago, but I just can't take it this time. I'm sorry to disappoint all of you and waste your time reading my garbage.

First of all, I wanted to thank anyone who gave me support for what I was going through on Friday. It was pretty difficult, but I got through it with some Netflix binging. Did anyone else see JJBA: Diamond is Unbreakable's first episode? You have no idea how long I've been hyped for that. Honestly, having a new episode of any Jojo series to look forward to every week is going to be a major thing keeping me going.

Too bad we won't see any more of my favourite Stand (The Emperor), but I still fangirled like crazy when I saw Star Platinum again.

Erm... Anyway, I'd like to do more sketch art until I can get another mouse. I get paid on Saturday, so hopefully I can come back to having a working mouse again. I'm torn, I prefer my hand drawn style over all else, but nothing quite beats having colour to my pictures. Oh well, I've picked out a tablet: http://www.wacom.com/en-us/products.....s/cintiq-13-hd Look at this baby. Unfortunately, being Canadian, it means that it'll cost roughly 1k, but one day it'll be mine and I can't wait.

Life's been a little difficult again, third week in a row with no schedule. I found out at least partially why I was ripped off with my last paycheck. Breaks aren't paid anymore because minimum wage went up. I knew my boss was greedy as fuck before (He owns like, 17 stores in the province, he's not a poor man by any means and yet he still charges $1.50 to add lettuce and some sauce to a flippin' burger while everything in the store is broken). I'm pretty miffed, but it's just one more month. My anxiety is shooting out the roof right now, however. Things need to happen and they need to happen fast.

I also got a commission I've been waiting for, it was almost 3 months, but I'm really glad it's here. As soon as I check how much my next paycheck is, I'll be picking someone to commission, I've got three people in mind. I want a picture of Amber and Snow together this time, I think it'll be really cute (Another nsfw, but I'm going to get a SFW one after and I've decided completely who I'll commission for that one:  lealong)

Anyway, I'll be coming home on Monday so I can't be on this site much, but I'll try talking to you guys as much as possible.

(Side note, unrelated to everything else, I really, really want a wolf-girl OC. Might be trying to draw that this week.)
-Snow

I'm not going to be active tomorrow anywhere online, if anyone has me added on Skype, I won't be there either.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my Aunt's death. She was someone I was extremely close to and had seen the day before. I really loved my Aunt and she was a pretty big impact on my life. I'm even taking her first name as my middle name after my name change (Long story, I just don't really have a family anymore and I'd rather not be associated with my relatives).

My Aunt was the victim of the superbug that went around. She was so sick that hospitals refused to help her, so she ended up killing herself to end the pain she was going through.

I found out after visiting my cousins and my father picked my sister and I up. He started crying and told us she was dead. I thought it was some kind of cruel joke he was pulling on us, but as we kept driving it slowly sunk in that he wasn't joking. I was 10 at the time and my parents were going through a divorce, so life wasn't easy on me to begin with.

She was a good, caring person and I miss her a lot. I really wish she could see what I've grown up into, my life mirrors hers a lot and I'd love if I could just call her and ask for her advice. I don't think she'd react to me being what I am like my mom does. I think my Aunt would accept me and be happy for me.

If I do post anything, it'll be a picture to signify what tomorrow is for me. I'm going to try catching up to the latest comments and notes tonight. I'm really sorry for being inactive, life's just a real pain in my butt right now. Other than that, I'm going to spend the day alone, probably watch movies or something and if what people are saying about JJBA:Diamond is Unbreakable is true with episode 1 coming out tomorrow, you can expect some Jojo fangirling soon.

So I saw someone I watch do this and because I don't touch my old account anymore and I deleted the links to my journals to save space on my page. I thought it might be fun and I'll just leave this up for anyone who really cares.

Personal

Real first name: Quinn
Nickname/Username: Snow, Snowbbi
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Zodiac sign: Libra
Chinese Zodiac: Monkey (Specifically the water monkey)
Briggs type: ISTJ
Pets: Cat and rabbit


Sexuality & Romance

Sexual orientation: Lesbian
Romantic orientation: Lesbian
Kinsey Scale: 6, exclusively homosexual
Poly or Mono: Mono
Any particular kinks/fetishes: My favourites pretty mush say everything for me. Other than that, I'm a sub.
Want to marry: Yes
Want kids: Nope and (hopefully soon) I'll be infertile

Silly Stuff

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw
GoT house: Stark
Bending style: Fire
Pony Race: I'm not a MLP fan, so I have clue
Pokemon type: Water, Electric or Dark
What are you reading: Nothing at the moment, but I'd love to read 'Great expectations' again.
What's the last movie you watched: Antman, I think
What are your greatest irrational fears: Needles

Sleep

Early Bird or Night Owl: Night owl
What time do you go to bed: 12-2:00 am
What time do you get up: Noon-2pm
What do you sleep in: Shirt and bottoms
Do you dream frequently: Yes
What position do you sleep in: Side
What was the last dream you remember: Road trip with friends, one started fighting with a pony his sister got for her birthday.


Work & Education

High School: Graduated 2011
College: Yes, never finished.
Occupation: Drive-through worker
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Not here lol, Newfoundland calls my name!
What's your dream job: Author or newspaper writer

Favorite Stuff

Foods: Donair, Asian, Italian, almost anything as long as it doesn't have things I don't like in it.
Carbonated drinks: Coke
Non-carbonated drinks: Water
Ice cream flavor: Tiger
Season: The period between spring and summer. Allergies suuuuck
Animals: Cats (big or small), any kind of rodent
Colors: Green, white, red, black
Music: Mixed, mostly rock
TV shows: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Walking Dead
Video games: Klonoa 2, Ape Escape series, Assassin's Creed 1,2 and Brotherhood (I despise everything else) and Borderlands 2

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/toreesucks/

I watched someone recently and I think they're really talented. They don't have many followers so maybe you can check out their profile and make someone's day?

Have you ever had someone treat you with so much love and then just one day tell you it's over after years of your hard work? Just to replace you with someone else because they weren't able to take your depression anymore?

I just... Maybe I should check myself into the hospital again. The past few days have crushed me into paste and is now trying to set my remains on fire.

I've had dangerous thoughts again. If I suddenly disappear from here for a little while, I guess you know where I am. I try not to let what I went through as a kid effect my adult life, I really do. I know I'm not all those horrible things that where drilled into my head...

Y'know, I've gotten more support from a few people here than I've gotten on sites I've been on for years, and I want to thank you guys. I can normally take a beating and still manage to crawl to my knees. I can still get up even if my legs are shaking.

I just don't know how many more punches to the gut I can take right now.

I got accused of stealing 30 dollars from work on a day I wasn't even working. I hate being within 100 yards of that terrible place on my days off.
Of course, they had no proof of these claims.

I have no shits to give about this job anyway, I'm moving out in a month and I just don't care anymore.

I've faced discrimination at work before for what I am, I know this is just another excuse for them to pick on me and make me miserable.

Sorry, I just had to get this off my chest. I'm in a really bad mood and I don't know if anything can cheer me up.

I'm just living the same nightmare that I did 4 years ago and I really thought this time both it and I would be different. But I'm still the same stupid girl.

I've decided that this year I'm going to volunteer at the pride parade in my city this year. One woman at one of the groups I attend runs it so I've got a direct way in.

Hoo boy, I'm kinda excited but also nervous about it too. I've never been to the pride parade before, I've always felt like I'd be an outcast there. I'm terrible among crowds and being around too many people at once makes me start itching all over.

But I feel like it's time I actually go this year. Really get the chance to meet other people like me. Maybe I can meet some girls... >_>

It's not until June though, so I've got a while to pick up the bravery and get my butt over there.

Side note, I've decided who I want to commission and I'll be contacting them once I get my next paycheck in about 2 weeks. I'm just drawing a reference sheet for Amber, but it won't be the best looking thing, about as well as Snow's since my mouse is pretty broken. I just really want to have those two together for a piece or two. After that, I'd like to commission someone else as well, but probably not until I'm settled in with my friend and I'm absolutely sure I've got another job waiting.

Oops, I forgot to thank everyone who wished me luck on my surgery. It's probably not going to be for a couple years due to how I have to be on my medication for about a year to even be eligible to be put on my province's wait list. But one day, one day I'll be there. It's pretty scary and my mom really disapproves of it, since it'll also kill my ability to have children. But hey, I never wanted to be a mom anyway lol

Thank you so much though, it really helps knowing that there are people who want it to go well. ^^

I really want to get a tablet and once I do and know my way around it, I would love to do commissions. I'll be using the money to start getting myself ready for my medications, doctors and eventually, life after my surgery. Although, lucky for me, my province covers my specific surgery if I'm deemed worthy of it. After being put on a wait list where they only do 20 people a year...

I feel as if I should at least explain my situation when it comes to that. I'm not going to say what the main medication and surgery I need are, because it's a very private issue and I'm not comfortable with coming out about that just yet. But the situation I'm in is that if I get health insurance, one medication (I need it for the surgery) will take up the entire amount, and then some, of what the insurance will give me a year towards medication. That's not covering my inhalers or glasses. I'll be getting 1k a year towards medicine and the one I desperately need will cost me, if I'm lucky, 1.2k a year.

As for my surgery, it's a life changing one. Luckily it's one that's been done for almost 100 years. So they know what they're doing and the chances of something going wrong, or me dying on them is low. It's going to need a lot of healing, upwards of a year or so, and the post surgery life is going to be extremely painful and gory during that time. This isn't something I've thought lightly about. Basically, without explaining too much of the personal stuff, they'll be changing my biology a lot.

And to anyone who does figure out what my surgery is, I ask that you please don't share that information anywhere that isn't private. It's a very scary surgery and life afterwards is going to be very hard for me. I ask that if you do know and do want to talk to me about it, or give me emotional support, that you please do it through notes. Hell, I'd appreciate the emotional support, I don't get it from my family and a huge chunk of my friends.

I'll explain more about the commissions once I feel like I'm ready to take them on. Unfortunately, because my life is busy and will get busier, I'll only be able to do one or two at a time when everything is sorted.

(Side note, I want to commission someone with the next paycheck, not this one on Saturday, but the one in two weeks. I know I don't have much money and I won't have much to give, but I want to treat myself for one last time before life really gets tough. I've got a couple people in mind and I really apologize to the people on my list who I don't contact right now).

-Snow