I just don't draw anymore.. or really have that much interest in FA anymore.. or anything really..

Shiznit's gotten boring and dull..

So.. well I'm not quitting quitting.. I'll prolly browse every now and then when I have nothing to do.. it's just not in my taste much anymore. Plus I've given up on drawing as a career of any sort.. not getting anywhere with it, never will. Hell the only people that even seem to give a damn about my artwork are the people from RPS demanding more ref sheets for their damned characters -_-

I mean shit.. the best part of my life is gone, and without him everything is going to be shittastically pointless.. so I'm just pitching all the things from the past in a weak attempt to improve myself, that will of course fail, because people like me never get anywhere in life and just end up fading away and dieing where nobody notices..


GG i quit.

Okay, so there is this guy, Diego Stocco and he is the most amazing musical artist I have come across yet. Not only is his music fantastic.. but he doesn't use normal instruments.. he makes these.. things.. these.. the only word for it is KLUDGES and plays this fantastic music on it that makes you wish it was in a movie just because of the epicocity it would bring.
I mean you could take the most FAIL film like.. i unno the airbender movie (i don't think twilight could be saved by this though)

Anyway, Mr. Stocco made a video last year, 'Music from a Tree' you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY-Z.....eature=related

It literally is music FROM A TREE. It has to be the most amazing thing i have ever heard, and so WONDERFULLY primal sounding, it actually made my mind space out into a forest or jungle where the animals moving in nature made this music simply by existing in this.. epic... daydream.. thing..

whatever just go watch it, it's fucking AWESOME

As of Monday, July 05, 2010 2:05 P.M. the life of Lucky the orange dog has ended from natural causes.

He was an old old dog, he came into out family when he was 4 years old, and has lived with us for 15 years. In his last days he was happy and loving, never bit, never growled, never did more than cover you with his slobbery kisses. He loved little Mya and slept beside her crib ever since she was born. Even minutes before he took he last breath his tail wagged and he licked my hands to tell me he loved me.

This house will feel very empty without him and his idiotic barking and howling at the bushes and his silly huffing at the cats when they stole his food right under him. He loved having his but scratched to the point where if you did so he would dance and grumble and grin. He loved people so much he mimicked them, trying to smile when you said hello to him by showing his front teeth a little.


He was a good good good old dog to the end, and I will miss his grumbly self very much..

Its just a thought I had a bit ago while doing a small sketch of Roxxy again. I've noticed that humans aren't too popular on FA. The majority of those i have encountered here (I repeat, that I MYSELF, have encountered) completely ignore anything that doesn't sport a thick coat of fur, fleece, fuzz, or a skin of armored scales or elegant plumage.

But why is this? I know it's FURaffinity, a sight mostly for furry artwork. But are we not humans behind the screen? Yes this may be a fetish or an alter ego to separate ourselves from fantasy. But in the end we are still human beings, this we cannot change.

And that's another thing.. when you step back and look.. humans are already furries. We are beasts, animals. We fall into the same family as the ape. We are in fact, hairless apes. We are 'complex' yet at the same time we are not. We communicate same as other species. The interesting thing is that we seem to be one of the stupidest in my opinion.. A cat can tell a dog that it is not pleased with it's presence, a horse can tell a sheep that it wants to be friends. Yet why can't humans communicate to other species without deep study? Even then we get it wrong more than half the time...

But back to the question. Why does it seem that furries have such disdain for humans? I mean in all technicality, doesn't that slide into a category of self-loathing? If you hate seeing the species you yourself are in artwork, does that mean you subconsciously hate yourself?

I unno it just seemed like an interesting thought to me.

I love metal, I love old things, i love leather and heavy embroidery. I love the warm colors of wood and tarnished brass, i love the gentle heat that comes from steam. I love fur and feathers and fleece (that's a given..) I love creams and tans and golds and greens, burgundy isn't that far behind. I love the look and feel of cogs and bolts, love the mystery that is a lone key. I love the style of old Victorian and medieval society, but desire the modern comforts of the future.

Found out earlier this week, that steam punk contains almost everything I love. Steam punk things seem to please every one of my senses. I'd really like to start bringing in steam punk things into my every day life, especially the fashion! But to do that I have to find out more about what it is, more about what people think is steam punk. Only when I know what the 'normalcy' of it is, can I tear it apart and make it my own.

So my question is to you.. What is YOUR steam punk?

Well there's a new one... seems I just got hacked on mabinogi... FAWK. Lately I've been D/Cing a lot.. I thought it was just Comcast being stupid because it's flipping itself into being Xfinity (what's with all the businesses changing their names? Identity crisis much?) The i d/c'd again after checking on my new farm.

I walk away, and i'm d/cd.. i log back in.. press connect.. it tells me i'm already logged in. On skype my teammate tells me to hurry up and get to Stonehenge so we can go on our mission. I tell him I'm not online. He tells me that i am, he can see me next to the bank.

'FUCK THAT"S NOT ME!'

i go to the website and quickly change my info and log back in. Almost all my stuff is gone! All i have is my ego claymore and my bound spark leather armor (which was thankfully on the ground nearby, they had tried to dump it so that it would vanish on the ground later on). Everything down to my sketch paper and four leave clovers, even all my iron ore was gone.


...damnit....

Well.. I've been mulling the idea of doing adoptables in my head for the past few days, and I THINK I might actually do it. The thing is, I'm not sure what to do as the base theme, or if I can even keep up with it. Heck, I wonder if anyone would even want them, since I'm pretty small name and not very popular in the commission bracket... I suppose the only thing to do is to pump out a few things and see how it goes.
Most the would be would be like.. $3-$5 depending on how much work they take once I get going

What the question is though, is what theme should I go with? I'm thinking of doing pokemon from the Gold and Silver series seeing as HG and SS are out and everyone's eyes are on pokemon right now. Maybe have 2 versions of each pokemon, the normal one for 3$ and shinies for 5$?

Eh.. just have to see what happens...

Earlier in the week I got a hold of an emulator for the Nintendo DS so i could play Nintendogs at long last. (they're so friggin CUTE!) after a few hours of that i went and downloaded more ROMs to play other games.. ending up with a couple Pokemon games and then kingdom hearts.

After a bit my neice came up and wanted to play games with me, and saw cooking mama on an internet advertisement and says 'I wanna play THAT!'

lo and behold here it is, the ROM for Cooking mama on NDS.. so we download it and a minute later start playing it..
It's officially become her favorite game. Soon as my sister brought her over, she comes flying up th stairs as fast as her little legs can carry, swings open the door and screams 'Mya wanna cook witchu!

All I could do was the O^O; face and laugh, it was so adorable. She likes it so much i had to make a deal with her in order to make her take a nap, that being if she took her nap I'd get the emulation on her little laptop at her house so she could play all the time.

Yes, my niece has her very own laptop, not a toy one, a real one, and she is actually very careful with it despite only being two! Her favorite thing is to type and watch her Barney DVDs on it.. though i think Barney is gonna be pushed out by Cooking Mama now..

well it looks like i'm slightly back on the horse.. er.. tablet..
thanks to a very awesome friend of mine, i know have an unlocked version of easy paint tool: SAI. Plus thanks to my sweetheart, i have a little bit of inspiration. Hopefully I could try to draw tonight, but I got locked outside for awhile in the rain last night and now I have a fever.. It sucks because I really wanted to see my fusky again today but i can't even walk withing swerving into a wall or just stumbling flat on my face.
I want to try and at least repost some of my older art that I removed when I had my meltdown. I still don't think I've found out who i really am deep inside yet.. but at least I'm on the way a little bit more than I once was. Hopefully picking back up art and trying to improve my skill will help me improve myself more.

I was wondering if anyone knows a good, FREE screen video recording software i can get ahold of? I've already seen quite a few good ones, but they all fall short on the ONE thing i need from them, the ability to record sound coming from ME, and the sound already in my computer.

When me and my friends are playing games while on skype, we say a lot of silly things I'd like to capture, but it's always one sided because the in-game recording device only records what's in my computer. So when I say something and they respond to me, i'm not recorded, but their response is, and it's extremely frustrating because when i make videos out of our game play and commentary, nothing I say is in there and i feel left out D:

anyone know of any programs i can use that will finally let me be part of the audio?

remember it has to be free, of decent quality, rather easy to use and can just run in the background with nothing on my screen. That means no watermarks or anything

Plisibin and Irick had babies as anyone who's read past journals knows, and now the six little pups are big and strong enough were they can now be adopted by other people for permanent homes.
I'm wondering if anyone in the Chicago area of Indiana would want a few of the babies as pets.
PETS, not pet FOOD. I understand carnivorous pets need to eat but these pups were NOT raised to be food.
I figure I'd adopt them out in bunches of two or more so they have someone from their own family to live with, and have a re-homing fee of like 2-3 dollars, a bit more than the price of common pet 'fancy' mice and the condition that they are not to be used as feeder mice or bred as feeder mice. If I find that one of the mice sold was used as a breeder I'll take them back with the offspring with no refund since the agreement was broken from sales. (the slightly picked up price should keep people who wanna use them as feeders away anyway)

I really hope the babies find a good home with someone who will love them ^^

That old as shit fanfic I started back in freshman year of high school and never got past chapter 13 in, Forever Friends, has popped up once again.
For an English assignment we had to email our teacher a file in .doc form, so what's the first thing in my 'attach files' folder?

Forever Friends Ch 1..

So now I can't stop thinking about the fucking thing and am actually looking for information of the storyline of KH1 and even KH2 and re-writing the story for the billionth fucking time up in my mind.

Now what bugs me though is I write snippets and crap of this damn story and do all this super deeply thought sketch art and crap for it.. and nothing really happens..

What do you guys think it means?
Also.. should I draw more FF stuff? Goddess knows how many mini-porn-stories that pop up constantly in the fucking fanfic... and all you guys come here for is porn :P

So four days ago my little mouse Irick had a little of 6 pups, and i got to see and semi-handle them a little bit today.
The mouse tank was getting REALLY freaking stinky with all the stuff mice do on a normal basis, plus the smell of what the babies where doing in that one located spot. I have a rather sensitive nose and I couldn't take it anymore since it hadn't been cleaned in almost a week since I didn't want to disturb the pregnant mommy if she decided to have her babies right when I'm cleaning the tank.

So I put my hand down in front of where the babies were and Irick comes and sits on my hand a minute grooming her face and paws and then goes to eat, so guessing she was pretty chillax I lift up the mouse igloo shelter and start really carefully coaxing the babies onto my hand covered with some of the bedding so I didn;t get too much of my scent on them..

and I spazzed the hell out because they were so goddamn cute! they kept nuzzling the creases of my hand and climbing over one another in a little pink and purple pile of adorable. i can already see that most of them were gonna have spots and patches, and i think i got one that will only have one single spot on him, but I gotta wait until they get to the velvet stage before I know their colors.

I'm so excited to have the little babies now, hopefully as they grow they'll be extremely comfortable with humans and friendly and i can adopt out a few so I don't get overwhelmed

OMG THEIR SO CUUUUTE!

that reminds me, is there anyone out there in the Lake County/Chicago area thought would want one or two mousies as a PET NOT FEEDER MICE? Eight mice would be a bit for me to manage...

well if you red my previous journal you'd know I got a pair of mice. A boy (Placibin) and a girl (Irick)
yeah I know it probably happen eventually, but Irick got pregnant, and her babies have just made their first appearance when I went to clean out some hunks of dirty bedding. I lifted their little igloo hidey spot just a bit to get some bedding caught under it, and I hear squeaking.. too much squeaking that could be from two mice who have yet to make noise, make.
and then.. TINY PINK BABY MOUSE BUTTS!!


they seem okay so far, and i'm not going to touch them for about a day so her instincts take over n stuff, but does anyone who's had this happen know what I should do to ensure they grow up happy and safe?

I made a retarded webcam vid of the mice when i was moving some stuff in their cage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYKjmSt0So0

SUBMIT TO THEIR CUTENESS!!

Yesterday was kinda epic.. my BF's comp was messed up so we came to my house to try and find a working product/serial key for his OS, windows media center 2008 or something.. no luck so far it seems.. but we'll find something at one point (any tips there big brained people?)

We kinda got sidetracked on the way to my place and picked up some pet supplies and two ADORABLE 'feeder' mice to make into pets. Sadly one of the mice we picked up was a friggin asshole and beat up the one we loved so much and got a second mouse to keep company. So we took him back and switched out for a more timid, smaller one and they're getting along GREAT.

One is a buck who's white with tan patches. He's officially Robert's and we're kinda naming him Placeben after the poison in shrooms that makes you flip out n stuffs. He's WAY hyper, has barely gotten off the little runny wheel we bought so they get exercise n stuff, he does get off now and then to nom on come croutons we put in their feed dish to see what they like most.

The second is a little doe, white with very light brown splashes that look grayish if you look at her from some angles. She's totally mine, I've named her Irick after my friend who i consider my little brother, because she's so tiny and shy and cute. She's -kinda- scared of people, but if you move really slow she won't run away or get upset. Placeben likes to follow her around when she gets scared and darts off to a corner, he goes and checks her out then goes back to his wheel (I think he likes her! <3) She seems to really like cucumbers, all the chunks I put in the dish have been nommed up

Ahh they're so CUTE!

Also I dyed my hair pink today! it looks cool :D

A long time ago when it was still in beta, I played that rather stupid game from Cartoon Network, FusionFall. I kinda enjoyed it but it annoyed me at the same time because the characters look way to lose to the rendition done by another artist I've seen way before fusion fall came out, so I kinda stopped playing.

Well out of boredom and being too worn out lately to play Mabi , i picked it up again.. and now i'm starting to get addicted again...

Why do crappy games attract me like this?! ^(O[]O)^

Well my boyfriend dropped off the toad he caught and is now keeping as a pet, Mr. Wigglesworth (sometimes Wiggleton) and i gotta say he's kinda interesting.

I fed him some bugs i caught in my back yard, and one of them fell into his little water thingy. I didn't want it to drown and yuck it up so i reached in to flick it out of the water and towards him to eat. Surprisingly he jumped onto the back of my hand and sat there a moment, then ate the wet bug clinging to my fingertip, chirped, then hopped off to sit on his little house made out of a broken pot chunk.

just a bit ago i went and bought a buncha crickets and put them in a small fishbowl/tank thing with some sand in the bottom and stuff, hoping to make them last a bit longer and maybe get them to breed or just eat good food to pass though to Wigglesworth..

and you have no idea.. how awesome.. crickets are...

most of these things have legs or antennae missing and you can't tell they get around so well.
There is even one, a big one that's female (i can tell, i learned how to tell them apart and it's kinda epic) that has the bottom part of both her back legs missing.. and she's nomming on a bit of apple while doing a little handstand.. it's cool :D


Anyone else out there have any frogs, toads, or cool cold-blooded pets? Maybe someone has some giant bug pets, giant millipede's are really nice, as are tarantulas~!

Recently another FA artist, Shizuki, posted a cute picture of a little green doggy girl. It seems it was her little pet in the game, Pet Society.
The game is hosted by myspace and facebook, and I just had do play it. Since I hate myspace and tottally forgot my info, i just went and joined Facebook.
It's SO CUTE! I made a cute little pet that looks like a fluffy puppy, named him hunter, and started playing. Already my head is thinking about the little pet's storyline.. and I think he's gonna end up gay... i mean he's just so cute.. I so have to make him gay >w<

Just a minor update..

It seems me and my roomies really don't see eye to eye, unlike we once thought.. so I might be headed back home with my parents. The male roomie I have has turned out to be way to sexist and controlling for my taste.. plus the female roomie screws him so she has the upper hand.

I dunno.. maybe I'm just really set in my ways for someone as young as me.. That or I'm just an extreme bitch, but I can't stand people who constantly say something then turn around and disregard the thing they say.. Probably because I do the same damn thing a lot and I absolutely hate it, y'know?

I'm going to be talking with my parents, and even though we've come to blows a lot, we all really do love each other as family. God and Goddess know I've missed my niece and my sister more than anything. Hell, I even miss my mom and dad even though we got into fights so bad we'd start fist fighting and the like.

Even though I'm extremely frustrated and confused.. I do think dealing with people other than my family for a time was a good thing for me. I don't really like people, so being thrown into something new and rather scary for me may have helped me grow some, even if it's just a little.

I still want to learn more and be self-sufficient as soon as i can be, I mean who doesn't? As much as we love our families or those we live with at the start, eventually we dream to move along in our lives and find new things, move on and grow.. sometimes we have to take a few steps back and revisit the old, but overall we as living things need to evolve and spread. Don't we?

So what if I'm almost 20 and I wanna go back to the same room I've lived in since I switched them with my sister at age 5? I fuckin like that room, it's mine. it's where I think best. It's my special place and I made it mine. Someday I know I will have to leave and make a special place somewhere else.. but I'm a stupid and slow bloomer with things like that...

But ya know what?

I'm stupid, and I like it that way! I mean.. we need slow people to tell the fast people to slow the hell down so they can chill out and pet cute baby animals.

EDIT: This is a repost because of a creep I dislike associating with coming around once again. I'll keep doing it until he buggers off, sorry to any other watchers.

EDIT2: If even one of you says anything about my comment convo with Arrucard, I'm taking your head and feeding it to a goldfish. I consider that boy a son even though I didn't give birth to him and I love him to death. You mess with my little Arru-baby you gonna be messin with one really short tempered irish girl who knows where her big sister's metal bats are stored, ya hear me?!
I lurve my Arru-baby ~<3

I'm going to be cleaning out my gallery, favorites, journals other than this, and basically everything to completely purge my page.
Thanks to some recent events.. I really don't feel like drawing anymore, even less than I did a week or so ago when I managed to force out a few measly sketches and half-hearted doodles...
Really it's because I thought I was coming to know myself, and then changed my fursona to start being more me.. it seems I don't even know myself anymore, so making the change was worthless.. basically the way I feel about anything I have ever done is worthless at this point.

Sorry to the unlucky bunch that'll have the 'this picture has been deleted By The Poster' crap all over their favorites things..

Maybe if I can straighten things out I'll come back.. it might be a few days or never.. but really it won't matter...