Welp another level of age is here. the year of 32 of my age. Didn't think 31 would be over this fast. Oh well ^^ Another lap of the year to race!

Surely time flies faster than ever imagine. Already 31 years old now but still feeling the same so the same vibe goes on!

Firstly Happy Holidays and upcoming new year 2024!

Secondly I'm in interesting situation so to speak. Right before the Christmas Eve my PC Started to be on its end. It WAS an old one anyway so it was only matter of time before it goes out for good so in other words I have to purchase a new PC as soon as possible. Good thing is that I can still draw since my tablet is still operating well and can chat normally, pay bills and do other important things at email. Plus I use phone to look streams and such so I am not 100% in trouble so I search all the sources I could find to find a new PC that does fine job enough for video editing, chatting and such. It is an annoying I don't deny but can't help it, PCs don't last forever after all. But like I said this is not too tough just an another obstacle that need to go through and again arts do continue in normal process.

What did I do at Christmas? Well Spent it all by myself, playing games, cooking, chores and so on and of course long hours of sleep. Independent Christmas is not so terrible when getting used to it like I have for these last couple years. Sometimes a silent kind of Christmas is all that is needed especially after a hectic December at work and own time.

Cheers! - by Varh

Kinda hard to believe it but it really is. turning soon 30. 25th this month. Funny since I do not feel that old just yet x.3 TIme sure flies fast tho. I'll see what I shall figure out what to do.

Dang! It appears the mother board from my phone is about to say Mortis! So it's time for a new phone. Luckily there are the stores that sell phones in a good sale. It still gives me a sour taste in my mouth that this outcome comes outta nowhere especially when the phone has its important uses such as work, telegram etc. <.< Can't be helped. It was old model of iPhone that it was time to get new one sooner or later anyway.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/50533308/
Come and try your luck at this event of  CrimsonMercury7192 at this sort of raffle, Who knows, your idea might get picked!

Whew time sure flies when figuring out something to do to party up solo ^^ 29th birthday sure went up quite a blast with video games and all and drawing all day!

Today took both of my wisdom teeth from the left side of my mouth. Wasn't so difficult as they got removed quickly. Lucky me that all my wisdom teeth grew straight which all of them were easy to remove with pulling and more complicated surgery wasn't necessary. And I am so glad that now all of them are gone and don't need to think about them making any nasty impact for dental health.

It is done. Yesterday the second wisdom tooth removed, I can still remember the pressure I felt when they were doing it. Aftermath is always bit annoying when you need to be very careful and can taste the blood in mouth. But god damn it was worth it! Now mouth feels much better and overall feeling like a million bucks.

Long story short after some dentist to fix some teeth from the cavities I finally got time reserved the time from the local hospital center for the wisdom teeth removal at March . Since one of my wisdom tooth is shattered it's gonna be taking two sessions separately. I am relieved that I finally will get rid of this nasty one which has bugged me for a while. It's not pulling out the teeth that troubles me that much it's just the aftermath which makes me thinking how much ache I have to bare and how well my mouth will recover from the operation. All I can do now is wait and see how things end up when the time comes.

That is all that wanted to say. ^^

Don't have anything else to say but Merry Christmas to all!

I just got to my knowledge that dear grandmother also passed away by the stroke which was led by inflammation as the inflammation happened right before my father's death and week after week gone into worse condition in the hospital until today eventually slept away... Of course now she is no longer in pain and in constant medications but as if father's death wasn't enough now her too...

This Autumn sure is the most hard I ever had... but will manage...

I just got an information from my mother that she and police patrol found my father as dead from his apartment... Before that she called have I heard anything form him as I did not and told me she went there to check out the worst scenario came through my mind first and sadly it did happen... he got a sudden attack and then passed away there. I knew he had an issue with his heart and all other symptoms he sustained throughout the years and that this was inevitable but him being gone now... He was one of my role models about hard work and perseverance and that let the action speak louder than words, always was great to chat with him whenever I visited him to share words and things like that... He doesn't need to feel any pain anymore but I am going to miss him always...

Few days haven't been myself. Frankly been down yet I keep telling myself I am not supposed to feel that way. Like whenever I am sad deep inside me I want to cry out and open up but then something chokes up like when it's about to burst up it sinks back deep inside and stays there. I know it sounds stupid but at right that moment something in my mind tells me I have no right to grief nor open up about them. Such as that I am supposed to hold them back and never show my vulnerability. I don't know which reason is it mostly. Is it because I have dealt things on my own most the time and feared to ask any help or ask anyone to listen while opening up. Or the mindset that I'm am never supposed to show my emotions despite circumstances or is it because I try to escape my own emotions to try help others the best way I can or is it because I fear that my opening up would be judged and ghosted and that they wouldn't matter anyhow? It's no secret that I am not good at opening up my emotions yet somehow I just feel that I have no right for grief, anger or anything else.

Like now lately have felt like I have nothing to offer here or anywhere else but still try to hold back this feeling keeping my mind solid as rock.

Even 2 years ago Sento's death broke me deep inside but I did not give myself enough time to grief properly

Regardless my point is that whenever these emotions come out for some reason they keep reminding me that I am supposed to keep them and myself in the deepest shadows and darkness that not even spark of light cannot reach it as if it should remain that way.

Hope I did not babble too much. That's just something I wanted to write of...
I wish everyone good day and best times over these tough times.

This is it. Next Friday 25th of June it will be another ''Level Up'' in other words 28th birthday. Nothing much more to say about that ^^ Still trying to think what kind of piece I shall draw for that.

So yeah spent 25th June . My birtday by my own this time but had nice time at least ^^ With video games, animated movies and had some walk outside as well. So in other words it went kinda a chilling way like other regular day ^^

the case of note. at 25th of this month will turn 27. Nothing particular else to say or mention. Thinking what kind of art should I draw myself for that. how how else would I spend it. So that's all ^^ Nothing else in particular.

Today has been exhausting day and tough too since this morning I got call from my mom and she told me that my godmother passed away as she was found in her home by the relatives... possibly sudden bound of illness. I don't know the true case but still... she was one of those relatives who supported me, gave good advice and was present so of course I am devastated but holding up. First Sento at the last spring and now her... One thing is sure. the life is something unpredictable and with the one way or another it teacher the values of present life you have. But more importantly I'm more sorry for my mother and grandma. This is very tough moment for them. Tomorrow I should go and check them how they are holding up.

That's right. This husky is now 26. Gonna pölan some activities for that for a weekend though ;D

I just learned that one of my dearest friends  sentosilvermoon passed away... I dunno what to say... Or react... I feel so numb by this shocking news... One of my closest and greatest guys... Gone... Like thuner strikes from the bright sky... Rip my lovely friend...and my condolences for all who knew him...

What could this mean you might ask. Well there isn't much to say than that It's now 6th year for me be single. I really dunno what to say about this really. At the same time I am very proud of myself to be able to be single this long, to explore myself some more and that what would I really want and also be so independent guy. Yes that's what I am proud about. But at the same time deep down in the bottom I sometimes feel sad for not been able to find that specific someone and when you look at your friends relationships regardless be short- or long-term relationship it always reminds me what do I lack. Especially since my Cousin already is married with the same gender it always makes me thin and ask ''Will that happen to me too?'' But I am not gonna make this anniversary of singleness a pity party, instead I am going to take as much joy as possible to figure out something like the activity I would enjoy a lot or going to some restaurant. One thing though I have thought in my mind. if the singleness lasts 10 years in row I would remain single for the rest of my life, but I guess that would bee too early to throw a towel to the ring. Anyway That's what I wanted to share, Time sure flies up fast.

I wish everyone merry Christmas! Despite getting some couple practical Christmas gifts there was one thing which surprised me the most My the oldest brother sent us a Christmas card which had photos of the ultrasound of upcoming baby . I heard the baby would born in the next summer which means Me and my other siblings are becoming uncles and aunts :.) I sometimes had thoughts being an uncle would be a great honor but didn't expect this happen so soon. I thought to become the uncle at my early 30s :.D I can say information was the best Christmas gift ever this year :).

Once again merry Christmas and peace!

Yup. You read right. I start feel much better now. Have even slept much properly this week . I still shall have keep going hiatus a little bit. I was thinking to get back into action to uploading arts at 1st-5th of November ;)

You may have noticed I haven't uploaded anything lately and haven't done much of arts here lately. Haven't felt myself so confident these last weeks not only in arts but also as a person. Like do I deserve pamper myself at all or do I deserve to be supported or do I deserve to have any good in life no matter how hard do I my best for some good deeds for the people. These doubts have spin through my head throughout the weeks and have bottled them deep inside to wait if those thoughts would disappear but instead they keep spinning. That's why I shall have hiatus on uploading some arts here for a while. Dunno how long the hiatus stands but I try to be back as soon as possible to feel better myself. Frankly if i'm honest sometimes I have considered to retire as the artist ere, but I do not want to get into that solution. I appreciate for you all your love and support on my art and you give me boost to try and do more. I still will read possible notes and comments here wherever they might come during my hiatus no worried about that.

Until then I shall seal my uploading into hiatus mode and allow myself a rest in the hiatus casket and wait the right time to open it and come out to get back into the action.. See ya around and thank you.