I know not a lot of people who follow me are fans of Detective Conan or whatever, but I did make my Conan related blog that I meant to make an ask blog but I just never really did. Like asking Sombra questions about the characters/show/plot/etc. and I draw a response to it.

I might not be quick with the response drawings (but I wanna make them as quick and simple to draw as possible), but I will draw them.

Just drop any questions about the series and Sombra's thoughts about stuff or how she (I) got into it, any general stuff about Detective Conan/Magic Kaito or whatever here:

http://sombratalksdc.tumblr.com/

At the very least ask some questions so y'all can see me draw Sombra more 'cause I literally don't have any other reason to draw her. XD

Probably not but I figured I'd ask...

Literally everything else is working on this site for me except uploading art. I've been trying to upload some stuff for a few days now and I dunno what's up with my computer but it won't do it.

I'mma keep trying but yeah...

I'm still uploading on Tumblr so you can keep up with my stuff there, but if I can't get this site to work anymore (which would suck), I dunno...just keep up with my stuff there.

http://tokutakufurcreations.tumblr.com/
http://tokutakufurcreations.tumblr.com/
http://tokutakufurcreations.tumblr.com/

(Apparently restarting my computer worked...I dunno why. But yeah, problem solved for now!)

'Cause yeah, I'm strongly considering drawing NSFW stuff again...

Though I'mma put my foot down a little more strongly on what I am okay with drawing and what I'm not okay with drawing. But I'll write up those rules for when that account's set up.

Problem is what to call it...?

I know I don't want it associated with the name "Sombra Studio", "Sombra Malamutt" or "Tokutaku Fur Creations". I'm thinking something to do with my character Yesebel (who I created for adult art anyways) or with hellhounds but I got nothin'. I'm so terrible at naming things. D:

I can keep trying to succeed in art doing what I've been doing for the past couple years. All the while applying to multiple jobs and hoping that they may hire me. So far this method hasn't been working for me this year. All I've gotten back are rejection letters. But this is the method that makes my parents most happy (rather my mom) but it keeps me super stressed out because no one believes that I'm actually trying to get work.

Or (after I clean out my current commission queue...at least the illustration portion of it) I could go back to doing some adult art but this time being a little more strict and selective about what it is I draw. I can't deny that I did lose a good deal of customers and commission interest after stopping drawing that stuff. However this method would piss off my mother the most (as she believes I would be getting "dirty money") and may result in me being kicked out of the house.

Hmmm...

Even with weighing options carefully, option two at least has a little more of a guarantee of money earned than option one sooo...

I dunno...

...relating to therianthropy.

(So like if you're anti-otherkin/therian or whatever, that's cool but like I don't think you'd have any advice for me so kindly feel free to ignore this journal.)

Okay, so I don't really bring up or talk about therian stuff. I usually don't feel the need to anymore. But I sorta need some advice or something 'cause yeah...I feel like my bad habit of suppressing stuff instead of finding an outlet for it is catching up to me.

Basically, I'm a dog therian (hence the dog fursona) and in terms of beliefs, I don't feel it's a spiritual thing. I'm just not a spiritual person so I tend to see it as wholly psychological. Possibly a coping mechanism that came about to deal with a fear of dogs that i had when I was really little. But I'd have to talk to a therapist really to see about why my mind works the way it does. That's just my theory.

(I actually do want to talk to a therapist about it...I started to a few years ago...I'm just really bad about opening up to people even if that's what I'm paying them for...)

But anyways, I don't think I have the soul of a dog or anything like that. Basically I just literally think it's all "in my head" for lack of a better phrase. As such, I have weird compulsions sometimes (usually along the lines of canine vocalizations) that I do my best to just sorta keep to myself. I don't exactly live alone and while I've tried to explain the whole therianthropy thing to my parents, they don't get it (heck I barely get it) so I don't bother. I don't want them constantly questioning why their daughter is making weird dog-like sounds. So I tend to keep everything bottled up even at home. I'm just kinda used to keeping everything bottled up if I don't have a good outlet for it (this goes for my emotions as well, especially anger).

But yeah, that's not really workin' so well lately.

Like what do other therians/otherkin do when you need an outlet for your kinside? 'Cause I'm super lost in that arena.

(I have no idea if I described any of this well or if it makes sense...I couldn't really find all the words I needed. Also it's late...)

Sure, I don't get many questions but one of these times it'll work! XD

Ask random stuff!

Let's go.

Ask me random stuff!

I'm tired and a little sick so sure. Why not? Random questions. I'm game.

Like...man...did not foresee that people would like that transformation sequence that much. I should've foreseen it with this fandom...but I did not foresee it.

Also I think I may have gotten new followers from Fur Squared too. Maybe? I dunno.

Either way, thank all of you for the new watches!

Just for the record, I don't upload TF stuff all the time, but it is fun to draw and I'll definitely do more of it!

Who else is going?

I'mma be in the vendors/dealers room most of the weekend so peeps should stop by and say hi and stuff! Otherwise I might be in my Zorua suit a little while 'cause I wanna do the dance comp. But for the most part I have a feeling I'll just be in the hotel room the rest of the time. ^^;

I dunno...I'm super boring.

But yeah, who else is going?

I decided to make one. :3

http://instagram.com/tokutakufurcreations/
http://instagram.com/tokutakufurcreations/
http://instagram.com/tokutakufurcreations/

There's lots of art progress on there. And progress on a secret (but not so secret if you follow me on instagram or FB) animation project that I'm working on. And of course there's gonna be fursuit WIP's too.

Y'all should follow. :D

I know I rarely get questions when I post one (hence why I rarely post 'em) but yeah. At least it knocks down the sad journals. ^^;

So yeah...questions! ^^;

So I've been seeing this post on tumblr around with a bunch of gif with the creator of Book of Life talking about his experience applying for CalArts. And basically he had 2 separate porfolios: one with drawings that mimicked the things he was interested in that were in movies and TV and one with a lot of inspiration from his Mexican heritage. Whoever it was that was reviewing his portfolio basically said the drawings were trash, he didn't have any voice as an artist and he shouldn't even be called an artist but when he saw the paintings, he said that they were beautiful and that was his voice.

I think I finally get why I really dislike being called an artist and I know a lot of people mock the term "drawer" but there really isn't a better term for what I do. I just draw stuff. Mostly fan art. I don't have an original "voice" as an "artist". I mimic the things that I like and I'm basically okay with that...most of the time. Sometimes I wish I had more to say and maybe if I drew out my emotions and thoughts I probably would...but it's not something I prefer. I vent enough in journals and such. My drawings don't need to be depressing too.

So yeah...I dunno...if an "artist" doesn't have a voice, should they still be called an artist?

I don't particularly think so though other people can disagree. I just know that I know why being called an "artist" rubs me the wrong way.

Not tired in the traditional sense of what it means to be tired...but just completely drained emotionally and mentally.

This year is not off to a great start and most likely won't get better...such is how things go for me. Don't argue that they won't...experience just says that they will...

KollisionCon was a complete and utter waste of time. I made all of $7...but of course had copious amounts of people walk up and comment on how adorable everything was and that they would "be back" to buy something...heh...like that ever happens to me. This might be awful to say and might cause me issues trying to earn money off art in the future, but don't attempt to get my hopes up by saying you'll "be back". If you don't intend to buy something, don't get my hopes up and act like you will. I just don't believe it anymore. No one ever "comes back".

Paid $250 for that table and it wasn't worth it in the least bit. It was a completely wasted weekend and I should've saved that $250...now I'm out $243 and that's money I could really use...

And I'm sorry to say, but I greatly regret taking all those cheap commissions last year. They'll all get done. That's for sure. But I can't say that they're not causing me some stress...I've been working on the same one for months and keep getting stuck over and over again and it's not like it's something tough to finish...I just keep staring at it and staring at it and even though I keep making progress, it doesn't look like it...it's no closer to being done than when I first started it and that bothers me. I've been trying to work on it through tears 'cause I need to get it done but it's just not close to being done and it doesn't seem like the work I'm putting in is making it better...

I just wanna be done...

And let's not forget job hunting. I've only had luck with getting seasonal jobs and the last one has been nothing but crap. They didn't actually need to hire anyone and I haven't earned much money from 'em. So I keep applying and applying to places only to be yelled at by parents that they're not the "right jobs". So if I don't have a job, I get yelled at, if I get a job, I get told it's not the "right job", and if I apply for jobs I get told I'm not applying to the "right ones". So nothing works here...not a thing. Nothing I'm doing is right enough.

All I'm being told is that I'm lazy and not doing enough.

Like I'm doing what I can. I apply to new jobs. I technically still have my seasonal job until next week but let's be honest it's not like I really have a job as they haven't called me in for weeks. I work on commissions. I try to sell my work at cons and create stuff for that. Like...I'm physically doing stuff. I'm trying. I don't know what else I could be doing...

So I'm tired...nothing is going right. Everything is wrong. I'm really tired of trying. Putting effort into life isn't doing anything. Putting no effort in doesn't do anything either but still...If it's between the two, at least the response to no effort is proportional. Not to mention that nothing in my life is really particularly that bad but it doesn't stop me from feeling awful and like a waste of space. Like...I know that if I disappeared no one would miss me. My presence in the world isn't strong enough to actually affect people...and if it is I would appreciate it if I were actually told that and shown that. I'm not gonna assume that I mean something to people just because I'm here and I don't particularly believe it if people don't make honest efforts to be a part of my life...

Everything about me can be replaced. My art can be replaced with better art. My entire being with a better person...I'm not positive or fun or anything like that. I'm dull, soft spoken, and depressing. It would probably honestly be for the best if I did disappear...I don't really have a reason for feeling that way...I just do...

I'm just so tired...

I would really like it to stop...

I am unfortunately being far too slow on these last few commissions and I do apologize for that.

I will say though that after I clear out these last few commissions plus the sketchbook from my sketchbook auction, I'm probably not gonna take any more commissions for a while. I much prefer making premade items plus I've already mentioned enough about how stressful art has basically become for me. So I wanna just draw a bunch of dumb stuff that probably only I'd get a kick out of because I know I'll like it. Like my stupid Detective Conan/FNAF crossover AU...like...I'm literally the only person who would even care about something like that. It's silly, nonsensical, and dumb...and super fun to draw.

Plus I sorta wanna get back into animating again and I had an idea for one that I really wanna storyboard an work on next year (not gonna go into details on the fairly likely off chance that I won't actually tackle such a big project).

And speaking of premade items, got my first con of the new year that I'm selling at coming up. Gonna be a vendor at Kollision Con. Selling bunny hats, bunny tails, corgi/bobbed tails, buttons and charms. Also gonna have some originals for sale as well so if you're at Kollision Con feel free to stop by the table!

Preparing for Kollision Con has also been a reason for the slow down in commission work.

I should give more regular updates. I'm currently trying to finish up Jacolf's painting.

But every now and then I tend to need to take a step back from drawing and so I switch back and forth between drawing and sewing. And not sewing anything big. The same goes for fursuit work. I get stuck with that a lot too. So by sewing I mean things that are pretty quick to do like tails and hats. So I've been sewing some rabbit eared hats and rabbit tails 'cause it' was a nice, kinda peaceful task. ^^;

But 5 hats and 5 tails later, time to get back to illustrations. ^^;

(Well the tails still need to be stuffed but meh...I can do that later. I don't have much polyfil around anyways.)

It was...eh?

Like my main convention highlight was trying out for the dance comp. Didn't make it to finals but the tryouts were still fun. Also watching the dance comp and floor wars. And I checked out the Dragget show panel and enjoyed that quite a bit. Other than that...eh?

I kinda preferred staying in the hotel room. There wasn't much to do at the con...

I dunno...I feel that I have increasingly less fun each time I go to a fur con. Like while at anime cons there's tons of panels to choose from and stuff plus video rooms, there not much of that at a fur con. And I'm not the most social of people. Plus it doesn't help that I wasn't feeling like going this year anyways but I went anyways...*shrug*

The real highlight was ditching the con to go to Mitsuwa and getting vol. 83 of Detective Conan and vol. 2-4 of Magic Kaito (all 4 of which I can't read but meh...).

Meh... I dunno...con was okay I guess but still not that fun.

So I’m considering trying to maybe make a premade partial or 2 as whatever jobs I have now aren’t really paying well. I was at the very least hoping for decent work hours during this week as it’s Black Friday and all however I was off from work yesterday and told I wasn’t needed today. I’m making less money now than at my previous job (despite being paid more at this new one).

I have a decent amount of fur, fleece, and buckram left over to be able to make a few premade partials (head, hands, and tail) and I know I want to make one to sell at Kollision Con come January.

What sort of critters though would people be interested in seeing?

I know what things I would wanna make, but I can’t just have another suit sitting around the house. But I would be interested in making:

Corded Poodle
Gryphon
Shark Hybrid
Various Pokemon
Birds
Felines
Canines
Vulpines
Reindeer
Skull-faced Critters
Red Panda
Bats

Didn't really get any questions the last time around...

I guess I try again.

Anything's fair game. ^^;

I filled it out before, FA didn't wanna publish my journal...I ain't fillin' the whole thing out again.

So!

Lazy version of it!

*Gonna be at the Aloft.
*Yes I'm gonna be suiting. I'm bringing the Zorua partial along again (this time with feet!).
*If you wanna get my attention just shout out "Sombra" or something...I'll hear ya.
*Hugs are cool. Ask first. I may or may not be in the mood for one. Considering MFF is a local con and most of the local furs are either upset at me, spreading rumors about me, ignoring me, or whatever for reasons they won't actually speak with me about, "may not" is probably gonna be pretty likely.
*I'm gonna be chilling with :kellsterkittenlink: most of the time. She's like one of the 2 local furs who are still cool with me 'cause you know...she actually talks to me instead of about me.
*I might wanna make a trip out to Mitsuwa which is a Japanese market place not too far from Rosemont so if peeps wanna join give me a heads up. Preferably people who I'm already familiar with or have talked to before though. If anyone does join it is also 100% likely that while I'm at Mitsuwa I'm gonna completely disappear for minutes at a time to indulge my unhealthy obsession with Detective Conan and Magic Kaito by going to the bookstore in there and buying a ton of manga I cannot read. Just as a forewarning.
*Otherwise I'm probably gonna go over to that mall for food.
*Not gonna be in the Dealers Area or Artist Alley. Yes I draw, no I'm not taking commissions or doing trades at the con.
*Gonna most likely watch the Floor Wars and attempt to participate in the Fursuit Dance Comp.

I think that about covers it...^^;

I tend to get a lot of friend requests on Facebook from furries and that's nice and everything, but my page is not furry specific. I tend to only accept requests from people I've met, spoken to a lot, or people who tend to use their page as a way to showcase their art. My FB is not a furry only FB therefore I do tend to turn down a lot of requests.

So I figured setting up a FurGather page would remedy that situation! Also I'm most likely gonna upload a lot of WIP stuff on art and fursuits that I wouldn't otherwise upload here.

Feel free to drop a friend request if you have a page! :D

http://www.furgather.com/SombraMalamutt

I was thinking about this since Bronycon. All I did for most of the weekend was sit at my Artist Alley table. Particularly sitting next to multiple artists who are fairly known in the fandom and listening to the musicians, and seeing all the cosplayers…

It made me realize how much I view myself as an outsider looking in.

Not that it’s particularly a bad thing. But I don’t feel like I have anything new or interesting to offer to any fandom I’m a part of.

While I draw furry art and can technically be considered a “furry artist”, I don’t think my work adds anything interesting to the fandom as a whole. If I stopped drawing, I don’t imagine that anyone would miss it. The same could probably be said of my fursuit making.

While I’m an anime fan, I’m only partial to a few shows. The most obvious being Detective Conan. I draw fan art occasionally, but that’s about it. I don’t come up with fan theories, write fan fics, cosplay, engage in shipping, etc. I just share what other people make for the most part.

And while I feel I’m an MLP fan and a toku fan, I don’t do much to add to those fandoms either.

I just like these random things.

I suppose in the long run that’s the only thing needed to be a fan of something, but to be a part of a “fandom” seems to be completely different than just being a fan. I say that I’m part of so and so fandom but I don’t particularly feel like I really am. I can easily say that I’m a fan of something. But to say that I’m a part of that fandom would almost be a lie.

I feel that being a part of a fandom means that you have something to offer to the group. That something can be art, music, dance, writing, costuming, theories, or even just general dialogue about whatever it is you’re into. And most often, having people to talk about your interests with is the most important part. That’s just my interpretation of fandom though…people are free to disagree. But from my observation of fan groups, this seems to be fairly true.

I do tend to be on the more “creative” end of things. I like making fan art, cosplay, and fursuit making. But I’m well aware that doing those things don’t necessarily make me a part of any fandom. They’re just things I like to do.

In the long run, it might feel a little lonely to be on the outside of fandom looking inward, but when you’re looking inward, you get to see all the amazing things that people have to offer. Beautiful fan art, lovely cosplays, amazing music (covers, original, and remixes), great fan fiction, interesting fan theories, and fun conversations between people who are genuinely excited these shows/ideas they love.

I may never join in on any of that (I never have anything to say really), but I like reading the things that a lot of you guys have to say. I like sharing your gifs, fan art, etc. You guys are all awesome.

I'm bored (despite the fact I'm sewing) and I wanna talk to peoples and I don't do it that much. Why not? ^^;

Better yet, does anyone have about 2.5 yard they'd be willing to sell and ship out by the weekend?

I wanted to order some from Fursuit Supplies but they're completely out and I cannot find another place that has a shade of pink comparable to it (I have a swatch of it and it's absolutely perfect for what I need!).

If not, could you ask a few people if they have some they'd be willing to part with?

And if I don't get any responses, I suppose I'll just settle for using hot pink. It's the completely wrong color but no other places seem to have a pink between "hot pink" and "baby pink". And apparently Shannon Fabrics only sells wholesale so I can't get any from them...

I could really use some...

Especially from people who have worked/are working in the industry.

What do people look for in portfolios? What should I add to a portfolio? How do I even begin making a portfolio? Where are good places to start looking for an art job? What's a good "entry level" (for lack of a better term) art job?

I need to look for something new since the job I have now isn't gonna last. Though I'm well aware there's a design department at the zoo and after talking with someone who works in it, they are looking for new people it seems...I just have no idea how to go about applying to those sorts of things...

Any tips?

Finally gonna be able to scan sketches in so those commissions I have sketched up I'll be able to finish up. The one I currently have isn't compatible with my laptop and the one I used to scan on recently broke completely (it was already a few years old...probably like...almost 10 at least that's what it felt like).

I much prefer sketching everything on paper and pencil then doing all the works in photoshop. I think my sketches are way more solid when I do 'em on paper first. I don't mind sketching directly into photoshop but my work looks better when I do it with paper and pencil first then take it into photoshop so for commissions especially, I prefer to wok that way.