If you don't wish to have a specific little one go crazy and remodel everything.

Never get Alan stickers. He'll be trying to "remodel" everything to look all nice.

Maybe even you! o.o

On no circumstances will Alan be okay from being taken away from forcibly or someone taking those who he is closest to away. He's not going down without a fight.

A.. Teary eyed, crying, and soft eyed fight..

Just don't separate him from those who he really loves! He's a sensitive babi.

He does like to sing! Though he considers it as a hobby and such, often embarrassed when someone happens to catch him singing.

When he does sing, it's when he's lonely and thinks no one is around. If someone happens to hear it and praise him for his soft and gentle voice, he'll become very embarrassed. But.. He'll love the feeling of being praised.

The flavor or taste of his skin is a mystery itself, as when he is licked, the taste of him is that of caramel, or something sweet.

Perhaps it's a reflection of his sweet demeanor? He doesn't mind if anyone gives him a pick or taste, just be nice and gentle! Only those who are nice to the little one get to taste him. Xb

Alan can generally become upset easily, as there are many ways to upset him as well, which leads to him crying.

An example of something upsetting for Alan is the thought of or being alone, as he has had some.. Past experience with loneliness.
Another example is being yelled at, or hearing obnoxiously loud noise. Despite being quite the little one, he's very sensitive to loud noise unlike most other young humans.

If there's a way to settle him down or to keep him from becoming upset, it has to be keeping him around people he likes or is comfortable with. For example, parental figures and such. He just loves comfort and warm hugs.

Keep the babi close. xb

Alan has never been a fan of the cold, always keeping himself warm if he can. Especially warming up with someone close.

Ironically, he loves Popsicles! As they are mild compared to other frozen treats. At least to him
(His favorite kinds are vanilla with a chocolate coating!)

Okay so..

Big hairy booties/rears?
Or even possibly fuzzy/hairy man moob?
Heck, pretty hairy guts! X3

Quick, quick! Name any way you would protect Alan!

This one is a flash round, ladies and gentlemen (and they) x3

Do you guys like seeing the art I make of the best huge daddy cat Radio and his small human "kitten" Alan?

In other words, what do you think of the bond between them? I hope that does! He's the owner of my favorite kitty dad after all x3

"With this multicolored cube, I will rule and prosper over all people! Nothing will stand before me and stop my power, hyahaha!"
Holds the cube up high, said cube being a rubix cube.. He then suddenly dropped the cube, breaking it into many small pieces.

"..U-Uhm.. Can you.. Buy me a new one? Pretty please..?" o.o"

I'm feeling down.. (which is often, mind you-)

Imma get some McDonald's, that always helps..

The chicken nuggies better be good and done well though +~+

I could possibly try taking some suggestions on what to draw and such! I wouldn't mind drawing for someone, but I guess it's gotta be in my own time..

So hey, if you want me to draw or attempt doing a little sketch of a (not complex) character, either reply or hit me up with a note I guess?

I think I've lost most of my motivation to draw now, I just- I just can't look at my art and say it's good.

I can barely draw, and when I do, it's not for myself and for others. I hate trying to improve, or hearing things like "practice art!"

It's so infuriating all the time when i even try to draw, I never saw myself being decent at art at some point, and the more I try, the more upset I get..

It doesn't help that I'm not in a good mood to begin withbat almost every hour. I just don't like dealing with it.. I keep procrastinating


The worst part, no one will bat an eye at this journal or care to begin with :(

:<

I dunno
I just want someone to rp with or chat with, I feel a bit bored right now.. Can't sleep either qwq

Oh! 100 watchers.. Or- Something.. Cool! I never really thought a hobby and a bit of chatting would get me a hundo, but sure!

Anyway.. Uhh- I guess if you want something special, I'm planning out a story for once..? Yeah no, I'm never gonna have a decent or reasonable schedule for stories, they're a hobby and personal time thing for me after all. I dont really like a time limit.. (unless it's Pikmin)

Anyway, uhh.. Yeahh.. Or something- Thank you all who decided to waste their time to see what a small human like me is up to! Though.. Thats pretty strange if you think about it, are you okay?

Now, with all that said.. Happy late new years? I dunno- I'm just dragging this journal along until I get cut off mid senten-

I want someone to tell me they are drawing characters in some YCH someday

I pay money for a spot

They ask for a character

And I show them a smol human

They immediately respond to me that they can't because human characters aren't in their art skill

Only to run off with my money and leave me thinking the usual

"I'll never find someone who can draw humans, huh? Not even a friend with a gift for me- :'>"

So I've been apparently reported for harassment.. I dont know if this is true or not, but if you don't hear from me tomorrow or anything? Yeah. Maybe they didn't bluff that
Just letting you know in case it happens and I get suspended .<.

Alright, so I watched a video about 8 habits that usually relate to anxiety, just out of curiosity.. How boy. I got some results

#1. Hair twirling:
A definite yes to this one, it's something I do when I have nothing on hand, in my pocket, or near me. The best course of action for me to fiddle or run my fingers through my hair (it's curly, though soft)

#2 Picking at your skin:
It's not as common as others, but it will happen at least a few times during the week. The way I often pick at it, is with the edges of my nails, using my teeth to sorta chew or pull at the skin. (I'm more unsanitary than I thought, I guess..)

#3 Daydreaming or checking out mentally:
This is something I wish happened less, but we can't all chose who we are I suppose. It's an occurrence that happens too often for me, as I am often stuck trying to either remember something, or just go into a pure escape from my reality.. For seemingly no reason. I'm guessing that it's just how often I think of the people here online that I enjoy talking with. (Or I'm just looking for an excuse to be a lazy idiot)

#4 Fidgeting or playing with something:
Referring back to #1, if I had something in my hands and had nothing else to do, I'll for sure be seen trying to play or mess around with it no matter what, like gently tossing my phone around, twirling a pencil lazily, or rubbing my fingers into an eraser while leaving the little eraser bits. (I hate it, but at least I can clean off the blurred erase marks on it?)

#5 Sleeping too much or too little:
The times this occurs is unimaginably high, (considering this to be an everyday occurrence) as my brain just doesn't want to wake up fully and do anything often. It's hard to get out of bed as is, but to escape my dreamscape and fantasy? Not a chance, but I guess we can't decide that too, huh? But.. The nightmares are bad, especially when I forget about them, I just experience another terror every time I sleep.

#6 Being on social media too much:
Self explanatory, it's just an issue with me at this point to put my phone down and work on something, as I always enjoy seeing what people are up to, or if they sent me a message to chat a little. It's sad sometimes to see it though, because often I see something nice going on in a server and such, and I wish I could join in.. But just don't, I wouldn't fit in anyway. (It's not like I have anywhere to belong to anyway, or a place to know I belong when everyone is so unique compared to distressed me)

#7 Talking too much or too little:
I say this relates to both irl and on social media, like right now for example, I'm saying much more than I need too. People who have chatted with me know that I have a habit of being too descriptive with things, or that I say a lot and ask too many questions for them to understand. I do this as a desperate attempt to continue a conversation, and when they just stop replying? Heartbreaking. It's like me saying "wait.. Please don't leave me all alone..". Often, it is because they were too busy, but it is sad regardless how foolish I am to think everyone has a bit of time for me.

#8 Forgetfulness and lack of concentration:
I dont know where to begin with this, as I don't often understand anything in general. As I mentioned before, I ask too many questions, not because I don't pay attention, (well technically I don't) but because I forget too much for some reason. It's like a memory loss episode or something, it's really stressful to deal with the fact that I'll inevitably forget what anyone told me. I'm not reliable for keeping promises or doing things after all, but hey, tell me a secret and I'll forget it ever happened I guess.

Well, that's about it.. Yeah, I'm a total mess. I hate to see how stressful I see everything as, but it makes sense considering all I've done to people, experienced, and said. I'm sure I've said many hurtful and misinterpreted things, and I really hate the thought of being hated, but a dislike for me often comes naturally to people. Or so I've learned from pitiful experience. If only I could make like #8 and forget it all ever happened, or existed. Maybe if everyone forgot I existed, then I wouldn't know how much of a nuisance I am to everyone it seems.

I'm scared..
Something horrible happened today. And that thing was dogs, violence, and a blurring mess of a traumatic experience.
A neighbors dog jumped the fence, he got into our backyard and with our two dogs.

He began to seem friendly at first, so me and my sister went back to see what was going on, he looked hungry at first, so we gave the dog some dog food to feed him a bit. It was all nice at first, but after he was fed, we noticed the others growled when he got near both. We almost saw them fight when they got close, but one time, a fight actually broke out. I didn't expect it, and it scared both me and my sister.

They began to bark, bite, and try to rip at each other's bodies. It was horrifying to witness, I tried to break it up, but my sister got on the phone and called my dad. She came out and had both of us on the phone with him. He sounded frantic and panicked like we did, I could hear my sister begin to slowly sniffle as we watched them fight.

I did the stupid thing, and tried to break up the fight, rushing in and slipping up a few times, but they never focused on me. Just at one another. Even our dogs were fighting one another, it was bizarre, the entire thing. I somehow got the neighbors dog off them, and pulled him away, only to be helped by my sister in opening our gate to push him out.

Now that the dog was out, we thought the others would stop. But they never stopped fighting regardless, they kept on biting, leaping at one another, and trying to drag one another. I tried to break them apart, but they were too heavy and strong compared to the neighbors dog, which was weak. I heard my sister burst into tears behind me, she was practically bawling at this point, screaming for the dogs to stop fighting, as there was so much blood and noise.

I was able to eventually get one, but I had the collar slip off somehow. Later, I was able to grab them again, and pulled one away from the other, through all this mess, I was practically covered in dirt and mud, even some blood on my hands and arms from trying to break them up.

I held the dog down as best as I could, while the other got up, my sister luckily getting in his way and trying to push him away from the one I held down as we heard my father burst in through the gate, and quickly told us to go inside, as he would handle them now. So we both got inside, only for me to *now* burst into tears. I cried, even pushing through the dogs inside. Getting to my room and undressing to go take a shower.

I'm right now sitting in my room, still crying now. I'm so scared, I don't want to remember this horrible day, this bloody and scarring day for me. I just wish today could have been better. It's a fucking weekend dammit, I don't want to be traumatized again.

A new story is currently in the process of being made! (finally-)

Yes, yes, I know that you're all so very (not) excited for this one, as it has been a very long time since I've done one.. If it seems off, it's because I may have lessened my quality when it came to stores recently.. And for that, I apologize

But I assure you, this one will be released on the spooky day, as a special one that includes the pred of someone I hold very dear to my heart, and especially their equally dear OC

I just hope this one is a decent one for you all.. And I hope she especially enjoys what I have to offer here

ALSO ALSO
This story may have to include a trigger warning.. It includes some vile stuff (as in abuse and violence)
And for that. I am again very sorry.. So please, be careful when reading it once it's out..

I feel so trapped.. It all feels so surreal, my mind continues to scream and beg for help. Yet none will ever for me. I'm told so much that I wish I could simply shrug off as lies and things simply told to bring me down.

I'm told.. I'm told that my emotions, this feeling of aching sadness is all but fake, I'm an idiot to be hallucinating such fake emotions. My heart feels like there's a hand around it, the fingers curling and digging their nails into it every second. Though I can't tell it apart from even breathing. It's become natural to me.

Yet it shouldn't be, no one should see it as natural. A literally suffocating feeling isn't a pleasant one, especially inflicted upon the very center of yourself, your heart. Yet no one listens, as it beats as silent as ever. Yet it can't be told apart from a heart which is dead or alive, it's simply existing without purpose but to host a vessel that has long since deteriorated itself

I've been told so many things in my life, those who are closest to me have never realized how severe these emotions can be, I've hidden this monster that is eating away at my heart for too long. It was never them, it was never anyone I've interacted with. I'm solely convinced of one thing, it's not you nor the world.

It's just me. I am the issue, I am responsible for this, everything I've ever done and said is something I am responsible for doing. Yet, why would I be responsible for breaking myself down as a person? My age, though questioned is certainly way too early to be experiencing such feelings.

Never have I seen things as clear as I do now. I know what it's like to be held responsible, yet I would usually rather not take the responsibility for actions I have done. Yet this feels so different, something I know for a matter of fact is my fault. I have an issue, I feel so defective from everyone else.. Why? Why me?

No one can answer my question, no one may ever even answer my cries, as no one will hear me even preach or pray. A silent wish for hope and freedom from this torturous grip set upon my very soul. Yet I am restraint and held by bonds that I have set upon myself. Only in hopes of things becoming better by their lonesome.

I've figured life is a simple cycle, I may experience something less pleasant or something plain horrible, yet there's always going to be that light that can guide me to see and experience the bright side of most situations. I've waited and waited for so long, this light has ever since seemed so dim. But the more I stared the more I realize that just like life.

Nothing is what it seems, everything is so distant, so foggy and gone to a simple blur in my vision. will this light reach me someday? I continue to pray, yet will these simple cries for someone to help be answered? Nay, I say. As I am solely responsible for everything, and to be held accountable for my unruly and unjust actions against myself.

Yet why must I be punished by simply being brought down by those who I love? Those that I have known for so long, only to be taught the way of this world. I am not to be accepted the way I am, a defect from the ideal person. I am made to be normal and fit in, yet I chose individuality.

Individuality only has led me to this point, being different has been nothing but a curse to my very being. Seeing as only I can ever notice this, I feel exactly the way I've been taught to view those in situations like mine. We are stupid, we are defect and unpredictable in the worst possible manner. So many things have been said to me that I want to block out, yet that is reality. Why would I live a ignorant life when I can live one of truth?

Painful.
Horrid.
Truth.

But don't take any of that from me, take that from someone who's parents have told him many times all of this. I am an interference with the proper world we live in, I feel a need to be eradicated and to simply feel no more, be it my emotions or just in general. To be stoic is a blessing only those that are dedicated can achieve. If only.. If only I knew better than to be this way.

I'm not okay.

Goodness I should just stick to what I'm good at. That being storytelling

I am not a great artist, I feel bad when I often try my hand at it too- It makes me feel dumb like when I'm struggling with an average equation in math, it's not fin for me to do art honestly.. I'm just an ideas man, not a make and idea and put it into action

Again, I feel like sticking to simple stories is what I'm better at, I can't keep alternating between both.. Hell, singing isn't my thing if I think about it. Despite being in a choir of course

I dunno- I just feel disappointed in myself for making such cringey looking art.. I dont like seeing my art at all

I've been in a thought process, and have always wanted to see something

A fat Barn Owl

My next drawing will probably be him, I haven't decided on a name yet, but I want something that fits him

I'll probably describe him as the more shy and less talkative type, but once you get to know this boy, he'll be all over you while wanting to love and smother his friends!

He'll probably be a sort of pred oc of mine I guess, probably want to try using this guy as much as I can too. But eh, it's up to you I guess on what you think of this idea

I dont have anything for when I reach 40 watchers or even soon to probably (not) be 50 watchers. I dont have anything else to say really, to be honest I never have much

It's about to be vore day!
...
...
...
And I have nothing for it! That's all I wanted to say, I just never have anything special planned for any special events.. Even my own birthday and such! I'm not the most smart..