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Aftermath of mom's funeral
Posted 2 days agoThis past week was a little harder than I anticipated. I was sure I was mentally prepared, but in the end, it hit me all at once of the fact I not only lost my dad two years ago, but now also my mom.
My fiancee MysticPyroFreak and I were rushed to fly back to Florida to see my brothers and other family members. I had mixed feelings not wanting to be back there again so soon, but it couldn't be ignored due to the news about mom. A prayer was said in her empty room as we gathered up various photos of her for her ceremony celebrating her life the following day. In a lot of ways, I never properly experienced a Dia de los Muertos, but it felt like it was the closest thing to it.
I was finally reunited with my dog Belle, I was overjoyed and then learned Belle was licking mom's face as she lay dying/dead as Belle still wanted to lay next to her. Hearing that... absolutely broke me. Imagining Belle being concerned/confused/sad while still wanting to stay by her side while I wasn't there... I was an absolute mess with tears.
Rewatching the video clips I took of Belle as an 8 week old puppy I posted on Twitter as I could hear mom in the background telling her "no... no crying!" also brought me to tears.
Having my brain suddenly play nostalgic theme songs on repeat of the first TV shows I remember watching with my parents as a toddler, those being Shining Time Station and Mr Roger's Neighborhood... yet again brought me to tears. As it felt like my brain was trying to bookend the first songs I remember hearing with my parents as also the last songs my brain was playing back to me on repeat.
I don't think ANY of my past breakups had me become THIS much of a pathetic, sobbing mess.
My eyes burned and stung to the point I was absolutely blinded by my own tears trying to navigate the airport terminals. I felt myself reverting back to a helpless infant internally wanting to see my mommy and daddy again... But I had to hold strong because for all intents and purposes, my dog Belle is the closest thing to a daughter to me and she needed me.
In 2009, I lost three crucial things in my life that drove me to consider suicide until the mid-2010's;
>a fiancee
>my pet dog
>my drive to continue forward with my creative career as an artist due to student debt being scammed by Art Institute
In 2025, I finally regained all three things I sought after all this time ...I just wish it didn't come at the cost of both my parents one after the other.
In reality, despite now having what I wanted, I'm actually scared and not sure what to do or where to go from here.
All last month, while mom was lethargic and bed-bound... She asked I take Belle, I had mixed feelings because she was her main source of company.
All last month, mom was suddenly generous sending me more money than usual when I begged her to keep some for herself.
...I think she knew it was time.
I guess all I ask from everyone is to bear with me as I slowly try to mentally recover and figure out what to do from here. I hesitate even making a GoFundMe as I continue finding a job somewhere nearby, as I've had next to no luck with art/animation gigs online... And I've lost my SNAP last year, hence why mom was sending me money all that time.
My fiancee MysticPyroFreak and I were rushed to fly back to Florida to see my brothers and other family members. I had mixed feelings not wanting to be back there again so soon, but it couldn't be ignored due to the news about mom. A prayer was said in her empty room as we gathered up various photos of her for her ceremony celebrating her life the following day. In a lot of ways, I never properly experienced a Dia de los Muertos, but it felt like it was the closest thing to it.
I was finally reunited with my dog Belle, I was overjoyed and then learned Belle was licking mom's face as she lay dying/dead as Belle still wanted to lay next to her. Hearing that... absolutely broke me. Imagining Belle being concerned/confused/sad while still wanting to stay by her side while I wasn't there... I was an absolute mess with tears.
Rewatching the video clips I took of Belle as an 8 week old puppy I posted on Twitter as I could hear mom in the background telling her "no... no crying!" also brought me to tears.
Having my brain suddenly play nostalgic theme songs on repeat of the first TV shows I remember watching with my parents as a toddler, those being Shining Time Station and Mr Roger's Neighborhood... yet again brought me to tears. As it felt like my brain was trying to bookend the first songs I remember hearing with my parents as also the last songs my brain was playing back to me on repeat.
I don't think ANY of my past breakups had me become THIS much of a pathetic, sobbing mess.
My eyes burned and stung to the point I was absolutely blinded by my own tears trying to navigate the airport terminals. I felt myself reverting back to a helpless infant internally wanting to see my mommy and daddy again... But I had to hold strong because for all intents and purposes, my dog Belle is the closest thing to a daughter to me and she needed me.
In 2009, I lost three crucial things in my life that drove me to consider suicide until the mid-2010's;
>a fiancee
>my pet dog
>my drive to continue forward with my creative career as an artist due to student debt being scammed by Art Institute
In 2025, I finally regained all three things I sought after all this time ...I just wish it didn't come at the cost of both my parents one after the other.
In reality, despite now having what I wanted, I'm actually scared and not sure what to do or where to go from here.
All last month, while mom was lethargic and bed-bound... She asked I take Belle, I had mixed feelings because she was her main source of company.
All last month, mom was suddenly generous sending me more money than usual when I begged her to keep some for herself.
...I think she knew it was time.
I guess all I ask from everyone is to bear with me as I slowly try to mentally recover and figure out what to do from here. I hesitate even making a GoFundMe as I continue finding a job somewhere nearby, as I've had next to no luck with art/animation gigs online... And I've lost my SNAP last year, hence why mom was sending me money all that time.
Mom's gone too
Posted a week agoJust like with dad a few years ago, I was mentally prepared hearing the news with mom since leaving the house last year.
Kinda scrambling to figure out how to fly down to her funeral and see how to bring my dog with me with what little money I have...
What's worse, today was my 10 year anniversary with my fiancee, only to hear the news just as the day was ending...
Kinda scrambling to figure out how to fly down to her funeral and see how to bring my dog with me with what little money I have...
What's worse, today was my 10 year anniversary with my fiancee, only to hear the news just as the day was ending...
Discord hack conclusion & explanation
Posted 2 months agoOk, it seems like I can finally type on Discord, which means I'm back in control again.
For starters, massive apologies to everyone who got spammed by my account trying to lure you into clicking their link for a supposed game that's actually malware.
An explanation;
In short, this was completely avoidable.
The long story;
My fiancee was messaged by a friend of hers asking for help to beta test a game. She trusted said friend and assumed it was a potential thing for a future Youtube recording session or something. She didn't think much of it as she tried to download it, but her laptop was a bit on the older side and it wasn't booting up properly.
She then offered I talk to him in a group chat and I was a bit starstruck with said friend as I semi-hesitantly offered to use my PC since it was a bit more modern, so we went into a group chat. Said friend then updated us with a newer file link which came off as an updated version.
So basically, due to our combined lapse of judgement, we both fell for it. I am not going to 100% throw her under the bus, we were both dumbasses at the time.
I foolishly ignored the antivirus warnings as I figured a lot of files can often be mistaken for viruses due to past experiences... As soon as I ran the program, for a SPLIT-SECOND I saw pop-ups of what clearly was MS-DOS' iconic black screens showing me a bunch of familiar-looking passwords and at that moment I realized what had happened. I was removed from the group chat as my fiancee was given a ransom of our account info and passwords, likely wanting Crypto or NFTs (which we don't have) as they threatened to sell our info on the dark web.
I was not long after logged out of Discord as signing in was fruitless since the hacker changed the email address and password. I also got suggestions for help from a friend via Twitter DMs and I tried to warn my followers on Twitter, which were scrubbed as my email and password were also changed on there... However, I did have 2FA on Twitter so I could take that back fairly easily. Discord as you know, took a bit longer as I had to patiently await help from their devs to get my account back via my original email address. I took the opportunity to make a brand-new email address to sign into and link to my discord, as well as updating my 2FA to prevent the hacker from getting in yet again. I'm hoping this'll be the end of it, but i'm keeping my guard up.
Needing to change my passwords for a shit-ton of sites I was forced to make accounts for is a pain in the ass, but it'll be a harsh reminder of what to avoid in the future, or at the very least be much more cautious on messages from friends sending suspicious links.
Those morbidly curious on what it looks like being hacked, here's what to expect;
The hacker once they have access to your Discord account, they immediately make use of your friend list and potentially your groups to look for more suckers to trick into giving away their info like I did. The longer you haven't talked to someone, the more likely they'll contact them as they'll likely be none the wiser of your behavior and your intent. Those smart enough to be skeptical and call out the BS are promptly blocked from your friend list.
Any sucker they message in their attempt to scam will change their screen name as simply just the number "1", I presume as a reminder for themselves who they already messaged in the hopes they can lure them into the same trap I fell into. The messages left from these subhumans will attempt to sound as human as possible.
Below is an example of a conversation from one of my friends (with name and suspicious link redacted) who got lured by said scammer which I'm HOPING TO GOD they didn't get hacked.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:36 PM
hi
how are you?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
Hey, I'm doing fine. How about you?
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
good ty
[6:42 PM]
may i ask something?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
Sure.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:43 PM
We’re working on a 2D adventure game project and are currently looking for content creators to try it out and share their feedback. It only takes about 9–10 minutes to play through the current version.
If you're interested, you’re more than welcome to play it on stream as well — we'd love to see your live reactions and thoughts!
1 — 9/10/2025 6:43 PM
Sure! I would love to try it out!
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:45 PM
yaay tysm ^^
[redacted] my game website
[redacted fake game name]
This isn’t just any mill—forget about the classic flour mill or the boring ...
[6:45 PM]
can you check it out right now ?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:45 PM
I can. I can download it from the link that you provided.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:46 PM
thanks
1 — 9/10/2025 6:46 PM
No problem.
[6:46 PM]
I'll let you know what I think of it afterwards.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:47 PM
kk thanks
1 — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
Ran into a wall when downloading the demo.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
download it on different browser
1 — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
Let me try Chrome
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:49 PM
k
1 — 9/10/2025 6:50 PM
There we go. Going to try it out now.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:50 PM
cool (edited)
1
1 — 9/10/2025 6:52 PM
My anti-virus analyzed the file. :/
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
Since it is quite expensive to get a license from antivirus programs, they can block our game.
[6:53 PM]
[6:53 PM]
disable the norton and try again pls
1 — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
I'm so sorry. I thought I was in the clear.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
sorry
1 — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
It's okay.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
disable it and try pls
1 — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
Let me try.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
ty
1 — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
yw
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 7:29 PM
so?
1 — 9/10/2025 7:44 PM
Still no luck...
TL:DR;
Don't be a dumbass like I was. It pays to be skeptical and call things out when things look and sound too suspicious.
For starters, massive apologies to everyone who got spammed by my account trying to lure you into clicking their link for a supposed game that's actually malware.
An explanation;
In short, this was completely avoidable.
The long story;
My fiancee was messaged by a friend of hers asking for help to beta test a game. She trusted said friend and assumed it was a potential thing for a future Youtube recording session or something. She didn't think much of it as she tried to download it, but her laptop was a bit on the older side and it wasn't booting up properly.
She then offered I talk to him in a group chat and I was a bit starstruck with said friend as I semi-hesitantly offered to use my PC since it was a bit more modern, so we went into a group chat. Said friend then updated us with a newer file link which came off as an updated version.
So basically, due to our combined lapse of judgement, we both fell for it. I am not going to 100% throw her under the bus, we were both dumbasses at the time.
I foolishly ignored the antivirus warnings as I figured a lot of files can often be mistaken for viruses due to past experiences... As soon as I ran the program, for a SPLIT-SECOND I saw pop-ups of what clearly was MS-DOS' iconic black screens showing me a bunch of familiar-looking passwords and at that moment I realized what had happened. I was removed from the group chat as my fiancee was given a ransom of our account info and passwords, likely wanting Crypto or NFTs (which we don't have) as they threatened to sell our info on the dark web.
I was not long after logged out of Discord as signing in was fruitless since the hacker changed the email address and password. I also got suggestions for help from a friend via Twitter DMs and I tried to warn my followers on Twitter, which were scrubbed as my email and password were also changed on there... However, I did have 2FA on Twitter so I could take that back fairly easily. Discord as you know, took a bit longer as I had to patiently await help from their devs to get my account back via my original email address. I took the opportunity to make a brand-new email address to sign into and link to my discord, as well as updating my 2FA to prevent the hacker from getting in yet again. I'm hoping this'll be the end of it, but i'm keeping my guard up.
Needing to change my passwords for a shit-ton of sites I was forced to make accounts for is a pain in the ass, but it'll be a harsh reminder of what to avoid in the future, or at the very least be much more cautious on messages from friends sending suspicious links.
Those morbidly curious on what it looks like being hacked, here's what to expect;
The hacker once they have access to your Discord account, they immediately make use of your friend list and potentially your groups to look for more suckers to trick into giving away their info like I did. The longer you haven't talked to someone, the more likely they'll contact them as they'll likely be none the wiser of your behavior and your intent. Those smart enough to be skeptical and call out the BS are promptly blocked from your friend list.
Any sucker they message in their attempt to scam will change their screen name as simply just the number "1", I presume as a reminder for themselves who they already messaged in the hopes they can lure them into the same trap I fell into. The messages left from these subhumans will attempt to sound as human as possible.
Below is an example of a conversation from one of my friends (with name and suspicious link redacted) who got lured by said scammer which I'm HOPING TO GOD they didn't get hacked.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:36 PM
hi
how are you?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
Hey, I'm doing fine. How about you?
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
good ty
[6:42 PM]
may i ask something?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:42 PM
Sure.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:43 PM
We’re working on a 2D adventure game project and are currently looking for content creators to try it out and share their feedback. It only takes about 9–10 minutes to play through the current version.
If you're interested, you’re more than welcome to play it on stream as well — we'd love to see your live reactions and thoughts!
1 — 9/10/2025 6:43 PM
Sure! I would love to try it out!
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:45 PM
yaay tysm ^^
[redacted] my game website
[redacted fake game name]
This isn’t just any mill—forget about the classic flour mill or the boring ...
[6:45 PM]
can you check it out right now ?
1 — 9/10/2025 6:45 PM
I can. I can download it from the link that you provided.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:46 PM
thanks
1 — 9/10/2025 6:46 PM
No problem.
[6:46 PM]
I'll let you know what I think of it afterwards.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:47 PM
kk thanks
1 — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
Ran into a wall when downloading the demo.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
download it on different browser
1 — 9/10/2025 6:48 PM
Let me try Chrome
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:49 PM
k
1 — 9/10/2025 6:50 PM
There we go. Going to try it out now.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:50 PM
cool (edited)
1
1 — 9/10/2025 6:52 PM
My anti-virus analyzed the file. :/
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
Since it is quite expensive to get a license from antivirus programs, they can block our game.
[6:53 PM]
[6:53 PM]
disable the norton and try again pls
1 — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
I'm so sorry. I thought I was in the clear.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
sorry
1 — 9/10/2025 6:53 PM
It's okay.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
disable it and try pls
1 — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
Let me try.
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
ty
1 — 9/10/2025 6:55 PM
yw
SorcererLance — 9/10/2025 7:29 PM
so?
1 — 9/10/2025 7:44 PM
Still no luck...
TL:DR;
Don't be a dumbass like I was. It pays to be skeptical and call things out when things look and sound too suspicious.
Discord hack update (not out of the woods yet)
Posted 2 months agoOk, seems I've got Discord back thanks to MFA on my phone. Seems like Discord limited my activities until the 13th, which I suppose is fair considering what's happened.
I can still see the aftermath of my account, seems like a few people were blocked which I'll need to unblock and re-add... Also some people I haven't spoken to for a long time were messaged and were renamed to "1", I presume for the hacker to keep track which suckers he targeted.
I'm praying nobody clicked on any links for his supposed "game" which is an EXE file that takes all your account names and passwords, in which he'll attempt to ransom them from you for likely NFTs/Crypto or he'll sell the info to the dark web and hijack your Discord account to target more suckers from their friend list... Even Twitter where any attempts to warn others would be scrubbed and he will try to lock you out of it (I got it back not long after).
I want to be extra sure I'm 100% in the clear, I hear it might be best to either reinstall my OS and/or format my hard drive just in case there's any hidden malware, plus change all my passwords to every account (that I still care for).
I can still see the aftermath of my account, seems like a few people were blocked which I'll need to unblock and re-add... Also some people I haven't spoken to for a long time were messaged and were renamed to "1", I presume for the hacker to keep track which suckers he targeted.
I'm praying nobody clicked on any links for his supposed "game" which is an EXE file that takes all your account names and passwords, in which he'll attempt to ransom them from you for likely NFTs/Crypto or he'll sell the info to the dark web and hijack your Discord account to target more suckers from their friend list... Even Twitter where any attempts to warn others would be scrubbed and he will try to lock you out of it (I got it back not long after).
I want to be extra sure I'm 100% in the clear, I hear it might be best to either reinstall my OS and/or format my hard drive just in case there's any hidden malware, plus change all my passwords to every account (that I still care for).
Discord hacked
Posted 2 months agoAnyone who has me added, do not accept any random links for a supposed game
I'm trying to get my account back, hopefully Discord's people message me back on Twitter DMs or email soon if they can retrieve my account
I'm trying to get my account back, hopefully Discord's people message me back on Twitter DMs or email soon if they can retrieve my account
Late to this year's Paw Day, but...
Posted 5 months agoI've been meaning to share more art I've gotten from others, be it old commissions, trades and gifts... but many of them I never got around to coloring out myself.
Should I still upload them anyway?
Should I still upload them anyway?
Birthday ...and Christmas I guess :P
Posted 10 months agoI'm now 38... A whole 20 years have flown right by and it's been a wild ride so far.
Immense thanks to
backlash earlier this week, I've got a new PC to finally work on my art once again.
Immense thanks to
backlash earlier this week, I've got a new PC to finally work on my art once again.Life updates 2
Posted 11 months agoRealized I never got around to sharing the news on here as I've done so on my BlueSky ( https://bsky.app/profile/sorcererlance.bsky.social )...
As of November 14th, I'm finally no longer a Floridian resident having now moved in with my fiancee. Mom's being taken care of by my other family members and regrettably, I also had to leave behind my dog whom I've treated like my own daughter to keep mom company back home.
Still settling in and learning the ropes of what to do being a new resident in another state...
Though there's also an embarrassing mistake I made in the process in moving; I as I was transferring over my art work files to my portable hard drive so I can keep working on stuff on my laptop, I realized too late that I mistakenly transferred them from my C drive to my D drive... However, I did have the foresight to bring my PC hard drives with me for whenever I'm able to extract my files and use them to keep working on my WIPs.
As of November 14th, I'm finally no longer a Floridian resident having now moved in with my fiancee. Mom's being taken care of by my other family members and regrettably, I also had to leave behind my dog whom I've treated like my own daughter to keep mom company back home.
Still settling in and learning the ropes of what to do being a new resident in another state...
Though there's also an embarrassing mistake I made in the process in moving; I as I was transferring over my art work files to my portable hard drive so I can keep working on stuff on my laptop, I realized too late that I mistakenly transferred them from my C drive to my D drive... However, I did have the foresight to bring my PC hard drives with me for whenever I'm able to extract my files and use them to keep working on my WIPs.
Autumn updates
Posted a year agoHey, been a while since the last update.
Recently went to Boston to attend the Sonic Symphony concert thanks to
ffbacklash and enjoyed the brief escape from home. Hard to stay focused at home for long as at any given moment mom would ask me to come down for help, most recent example being her falling over her recliner chair and needed help to get back up... twice. Also whenever mom has to be gone for a hospital appointment up in Miami and has to stay overnight, I have to stay with my pomeranian who hates being all alone... If there was curiosity as for why I haven't been doing much art or streaming lately.
It's even been hard to take mental days off as I'm still hard-wired to be on the ready in case mom needs me for literally whatever. More frustrating still is I need to stay focused to keep working on overdue commissions so I can hopefully save up enough money to move out of here... Hopefully by around November or so.
Still no luck getting SSI (social security benefits) as I'm keeping my hopes low on that as I may just have better luck finding a job up where my fiancee lives.
On a side note, hoping for once I do finish what I still owe for others, to do other things outside of NSFW/kink stuff like making a ToonTuber, revamp my stream layout, maybe expand my streaming to Twitch, try my hand on game dev, music, comics, animations, etc... I miss the freedom of creating my own ideas from when I was a kid when school was my only worry in life.
Recently went to Boston to attend the Sonic Symphony concert thanks to
ffbacklash and enjoyed the brief escape from home. Hard to stay focused at home for long as at any given moment mom would ask me to come down for help, most recent example being her falling over her recliner chair and needed help to get back up... twice. Also whenever mom has to be gone for a hospital appointment up in Miami and has to stay overnight, I have to stay with my pomeranian who hates being all alone... If there was curiosity as for why I haven't been doing much art or streaming lately.It's even been hard to take mental days off as I'm still hard-wired to be on the ready in case mom needs me for literally whatever. More frustrating still is I need to stay focused to keep working on overdue commissions so I can hopefully save up enough money to move out of here... Hopefully by around November or so.
Still no luck getting SSI (social security benefits) as I'm keeping my hopes low on that as I may just have better luck finding a job up where my fiancee lives.
On a side note, hoping for once I do finish what I still owe for others, to do other things outside of NSFW/kink stuff like making a ToonTuber, revamp my stream layout, maybe expand my streaming to Twitch, try my hand on game dev, music, comics, animations, etc... I miss the freedom of creating my own ideas from when I was a kid when school was my only worry in life.
Paw Day sale winners
Posted a year agoChiefScarneck
PrometheusN4
StarGeck
WackyOrangeDerg
RicoWolfdog
LQCTim
run-nbw
LewderAspirations
darkcrash91
ModestMan
Feel free to share your ref(s), what pose you want, inks/colors/shades and also if their footwear should be nearby
PrometheusN4
StarGeck
WackyOrangeDerg
RicoWolfdog
LQCTim
run-nbw
LewderAspirations
darkcrash91
ModestMan
Feel free to share your ref(s), what pose you want, inks/colors/shades and also if their footwear should be nearby
Paw Day proposal
Posted a year ago*Please note, this does not affect commissions I still owe to others at the moment, I still fully intend to finish them once things calm down.
It's been a long while since I last did a Paw Day thing... Frankly, I've been quite tired the past few years due to numerous real-life stuff I don't need to repeat since the past two journals already covered it.
So, I'm thinking of bringing back my Paw Day sale. As honestly, I do need the money for my plans to eventually and finally move in with my fiancee.
Before, I did a roulette where those in attendance to my streams got a chance to get in a slot, but I felt bad to those that had to miss out due to RNG. I would like to ask if anyone has any better solutions or if I should continue to do what I was doing before.
Also, to make things go a little faster, I'm thinking of yet again going with various YCH-like poses... Any objections to that as well?
It's been a long while since I last did a Paw Day thing... Frankly, I've been quite tired the past few years due to numerous real-life stuff I don't need to repeat since the past two journals already covered it.
So, I'm thinking of bringing back my Paw Day sale. As honestly, I do need the money for my plans to eventually and finally move in with my fiancee.
Before, I did a roulette where those in attendance to my streams got a chance to get in a slot, but I felt bad to those that had to miss out due to RNG. I would like to ask if anyone has any better solutions or if I should continue to do what I was doing before.
Also, to make things go a little faster, I'm thinking of yet again going with various YCH-like poses... Any objections to that as well?
When it rains, it pours
Posted a year agoA followup to my last journal here if you missed it; https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10802448
Things have sadly not improved very much.
My father-in-law after going through complications with his health, passed away last month. The very last thing he told me before I had to fly back home was "I'm glad to call you my son". This is going to stick with me for the rest of my life.
Not long after, mom's health continued to deteriorate as she was bedridden for 3 days before taking her to the ER, having learned she's got anemia. She's had to be transferred over to a hospital in Miami as I've had to be home alone since. She may be coming home later today, but how will I know for how long until the next emergency hospital visit?
Granted, the time alone to concentrate on things would normally be beneficial for productivity, but... After losing my dad in October and my father-in-law last month, while mom is in potential danger to be next... Has me in a state of immense stress and panic having this all happen in the course of half a year.
I have to once again apologize profusely to everyone waiting on me to be back in action. It's been extremely difficult as I have no local friends to rely on and chatting with people online can only do so much as my sense of isolation and being trapped with my thoughts especially in a state of immense worry and fear has me essentially paralyzed not knowing what to do at this point.
I don't want to rely on donations as I owe so much as it is already, I just want to experience a sense of normalcy so I can resume with my life. I want to get married, I want to be a father, I want to tell my stories, I want to be financially secure... I don't want to be stuck here.
Things have sadly not improved very much.
My father-in-law after going through complications with his health, passed away last month. The very last thing he told me before I had to fly back home was "I'm glad to call you my son". This is going to stick with me for the rest of my life.
Not long after, mom's health continued to deteriorate as she was bedridden for 3 days before taking her to the ER, having learned she's got anemia. She's had to be transferred over to a hospital in Miami as I've had to be home alone since. She may be coming home later today, but how will I know for how long until the next emergency hospital visit?
Granted, the time alone to concentrate on things would normally be beneficial for productivity, but... After losing my dad in October and my father-in-law last month, while mom is in potential danger to be next... Has me in a state of immense stress and panic having this all happen in the course of half a year.
I have to once again apologize profusely to everyone waiting on me to be back in action. It's been extremely difficult as I have no local friends to rely on and chatting with people online can only do so much as my sense of isolation and being trapped with my thoughts especially in a state of immense worry and fear has me essentially paralyzed not knowing what to do at this point.
I don't want to rely on donations as I owe so much as it is already, I just want to experience a sense of normalcy so I can resume with my life. I want to get married, I want to be a father, I want to tell my stories, I want to be financially secure... I don't want to be stuck here.
Life updates
Posted 2 years agoBeen a while since my last post... To those that haven't followed my Twitter, I'm gonna try to summarize things.
The past two years, 2022-2023 has been an ordeal;
>Mom's health having a mixture of heart issues with at least three heart attacks and dealing with colon cancer, leading me to be her primary source of physical assistance around the house once she was out of the hospital. Due to helping mom out on a regular basis, I've been unable to do much art.
>Having an older brother with severe toxic machismo testing my mental health to the extreme, all I can do to help get my mind of things was my usual escapism of gaming.
>Aside from Kyle Dragon passing away on 2021, my close friend Rankerhen also passed away on my birthday of Christmas day of 2022 due to negligence of hospital staff in Venezuela being on vacation as he died from a heart attack.
>On top of that, my father died as well on October 3rd of last year.
>Mom's health has been improving and I've had a chance to stay with my fiancee MysticPyroFreak during the recent holiday season, which was sorely needed since I hadn't seen her for nearly a year and I needed the mental break.
>I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things due to all this, my instinct is still on my current default of "I need to be on standby in case mom needs anything" which has been massively interfering with my desire to draw, and of course, finish what I still currently owe people, many of which I've shamefully kept waiting for years.
The past two years, 2022-2023 has been an ordeal;
>Mom's health having a mixture of heart issues with at least three heart attacks and dealing with colon cancer, leading me to be her primary source of physical assistance around the house once she was out of the hospital. Due to helping mom out on a regular basis, I've been unable to do much art.
>Having an older brother with severe toxic machismo testing my mental health to the extreme, all I can do to help get my mind of things was my usual escapism of gaming.
>Aside from Kyle Dragon passing away on 2021, my close friend Rankerhen also passed away on my birthday of Christmas day of 2022 due to negligence of hospital staff in Venezuela being on vacation as he died from a heart attack.
>On top of that, my father died as well on October 3rd of last year.
>Mom's health has been improving and I've had a chance to stay with my fiancee MysticPyroFreak during the recent holiday season, which was sorely needed since I hadn't seen her for nearly a year and I needed the mental break.
>I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things due to all this, my instinct is still on my current default of "I need to be on standby in case mom needs anything" which has been massively interfering with my desire to draw, and of course, finish what I still currently owe people, many of which I've shamefully kept waiting for years.
Blue Sky
Posted 2 years agoJust to let everyone know, I've got a Blue Sky account... with Twitter gradually becoming worse and worse, it seems like the better place to move to.
https://bsky.app/profile/sorcererlance.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/sorcererlance.bsky.social
Covid
Posted 2 years ago"When it rains, it pours" as they say...
I guess there goes my record of never getting this virus, and I was so proud of my winning streak too, but I guess my luck had to run out eventually.
Little I can do for the time being until it passes... and even less I can do to help mom out around the house with her still being physically disabled, so it sucks for her even more. All I can hope is this goes away ASAP.
At least I can count my blessings it's not as deadly as it was back in 2020... and so far I still have my sense of taste and smell. I dunno if I can actually live the rest of my life losing those two senses forever.
I guess there goes my record of never getting this virus, and I was so proud of my winning streak too, but I guess my luck had to run out eventually.
Little I can do for the time being until it passes... and even less I can do to help mom out around the house with her still being physically disabled, so it sucks for her even more. All I can hope is this goes away ASAP.
At least I can count my blessings it's not as deadly as it was back in 2020... and so far I still have my sense of taste and smell. I dunno if I can actually live the rest of my life losing those two senses forever.
So...
Posted 2 years agoIt's been how long since FA proposed we'd be able to change our names on this site?
I'm stubborn not wanting to delete everything and starting over with a new account name if I can just do what, of all sites, DA allows you to do for a good while...
At this rate, I'm more likely gonna get my long-awaited copy of Mighty No. 9 for the Nintendo 3DS I was promised on their Kickstarter.
Oh right, as for updates, I'm debating on not posting on DA anymore. My last journal I copy/pasted onto both accounts on there got next to no responses, so I'm left to assume the DA I once knew is dead as the majority of people posting on there are kids sharing memes, screenshots of various things and AI images... I may expand to Newgrounds and Pixiv while making more use of my Twitter.
Still got various things to post like gifts, trades and commissions... not to mention various things I've done for gifts, trades and commissions. Gradually things feel more normalized here at home as mom seems more able to take care of herself without needing me nearly as much... Also trying my luck to see if I can be eligible for SSI to help mom and me out even further. I may try streaming once again soon.
I'm stubborn not wanting to delete everything and starting over with a new account name if I can just do what, of all sites, DA allows you to do for a good while...
At this rate, I'm more likely gonna get my long-awaited copy of Mighty No. 9 for the Nintendo 3DS I was promised on their Kickstarter.
Oh right, as for updates, I'm debating on not posting on DA anymore. My last journal I copy/pasted onto both accounts on there got next to no responses, so I'm left to assume the DA I once knew is dead as the majority of people posting on there are kids sharing memes, screenshots of various things and AI images... I may expand to Newgrounds and Pixiv while making more use of my Twitter.
Still got various things to post like gifts, trades and commissions... not to mention various things I've done for gifts, trades and commissions. Gradually things feel more normalized here at home as mom seems more able to take care of herself without needing me nearly as much... Also trying my luck to see if I can be eligible for SSI to help mom and me out even further. I may try streaming once again soon.
Current going-ons
Posted 2 years agoHey guys, been quite a while since my last journal... Lots of things have been happening since then, but to those who don't remember, here's a reminder; https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10200889/
Current updates are things have been improving, mom has been back home and improving at a good rate. She's been getting her appetite back as I've also been helping her build up her leg muscles due to her being largely bedridden for many months. Hopefully she'll be better enough to go through her final surgery to fully remove her cancer.
There was an emergency earlier this year that forced me to cave and resort to using GoFundMe, which I'm immensely grateful to everyone who helped out. I was offline for an entire month as bills were piling up and was unable to do much of art until I could find a newer and cheaper ISP to get back online. As a result, I've been extremely frugal with the money received to help with groceries, gas and whatever else needed, though thankfully recently mom was eligible for food stamps... Currently I'm looking into getting SSI which, with any luck, I may be eligible to help us out even further.
Art is still mostly at a standstill as AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, mom may call me downstairs for whatever she may need help on, be it making her food or coffee or whatever other chores she needs help with... It's been hard to focus on art due to being constantly on guard for whenever I may be called down and having immense difficulty staying focused.
I'm currently biding my time waiting for mom to recover enough to not need me as much so I can resume work on art without any fear of interruptions. I still intend to get owed stuff done first before I focus on my own projects.
As a reminder, I've been most active on Twitter until I can focus once again on art; https://twitter.com/SorcererLance
Also as an aside, I've also been dealing with the loss of another good friend of mine who sadly passed away on my birthday last year, December 25th. I'm sad to share here the passing of a great artist, RankerHen. RIP.
Current updates are things have been improving, mom has been back home and improving at a good rate. She's been getting her appetite back as I've also been helping her build up her leg muscles due to her being largely bedridden for many months. Hopefully she'll be better enough to go through her final surgery to fully remove her cancer.
There was an emergency earlier this year that forced me to cave and resort to using GoFundMe, which I'm immensely grateful to everyone who helped out. I was offline for an entire month as bills were piling up and was unable to do much of art until I could find a newer and cheaper ISP to get back online. As a result, I've been extremely frugal with the money received to help with groceries, gas and whatever else needed, though thankfully recently mom was eligible for food stamps... Currently I'm looking into getting SSI which, with any luck, I may be eligible to help us out even further.
Art is still mostly at a standstill as AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, mom may call me downstairs for whatever she may need help on, be it making her food or coffee or whatever other chores she needs help with... It's been hard to focus on art due to being constantly on guard for whenever I may be called down and having immense difficulty staying focused.
I'm currently biding my time waiting for mom to recover enough to not need me as much so I can resume work on art without any fear of interruptions. I still intend to get owed stuff done first before I focus on my own projects.
As a reminder, I've been most active on Twitter until I can focus once again on art; https://twitter.com/SorcererLance
Also as an aside, I've also been dealing with the loss of another good friend of mine who sadly passed away on my birthday last year, December 25th. I'm sad to share here the passing of a great artist, RankerHen. RIP.
Prepare your inboxes
Posted 3 years agobecause once I figure out PostyBirb, you're gonna get flooded with about 400 images I've collected over the years
The state of things as of 2022
Posted 3 years ago(copy/pasted from my Twitter)
Things in life are moving quite rapidly since the start of this year... and honestly, I'm at a loss of what to do.
Earlier this year, mom accidentally fractured her sternum and was taken to the hospital, on top of that, we also learned she may have early stages of cancer.
The fractured sternum gave her difficulties in breathing as liquid filled her lungs. She had to go back to the hospital last night because she had trouble breathing again, she's doing better now, but I can't help but be worried throughout.
Medical bills aren't the concern, as mercifully our insurance has been covering much of it. My older brother's also been vigilant helping mom out as well with whatever she needs that I can't provide.
I just can't help but feel helpless as I try to keep my anxiety levels down.
It also doesn't help I'm still unemployed as commissions only pay so much while living here is so expensive...
Originally, I wanted to talk mom into selling the house so she could move somewhere more comfortable, and I finally can start my life, but this complicates things.
I'm honestly at a loss... I've debated on wanting to start a GoFundMe since I guess this does qualify as an emergency of sorts.
My meager commissions I'm still catching up on, plus mom's retirement money can only do so much.
But even if I do that, what amount would I even ask for that sounds reasonable?
What factors should I put into account?
Would I get flack for even doing this knowing how social media can get when it comes to donations?
If need be, I could share publicly what expenses were made using the money donated to mitigate whatever people might think.
I'm aware of and know how these donation things can get messy... trust me, I was there when Beast's Fury was doing their campaigns.
I guess selling the house is out of the question for the time being... which means me being stuck here for even longer, but for how long, I wish I knew. Plus, there's also the added guilt of knowing I'd leave mom all alone with her current physical condition if I moved now.
So, for anyone curious why I've been mostly quiet, at least for the past few months, this has been what I've been dealing with. I can't really keep it to myself much longer or risk going even crazier than I have been with worry and frustration.
Things in life are moving quite rapidly since the start of this year... and honestly, I'm at a loss of what to do.
Earlier this year, mom accidentally fractured her sternum and was taken to the hospital, on top of that, we also learned she may have early stages of cancer.
The fractured sternum gave her difficulties in breathing as liquid filled her lungs. She had to go back to the hospital last night because she had trouble breathing again, she's doing better now, but I can't help but be worried throughout.
Medical bills aren't the concern, as mercifully our insurance has been covering much of it. My older brother's also been vigilant helping mom out as well with whatever she needs that I can't provide.
I just can't help but feel helpless as I try to keep my anxiety levels down.
It also doesn't help I'm still unemployed as commissions only pay so much while living here is so expensive...
Originally, I wanted to talk mom into selling the house so she could move somewhere more comfortable, and I finally can start my life, but this complicates things.
I'm honestly at a loss... I've debated on wanting to start a GoFundMe since I guess this does qualify as an emergency of sorts.
My meager commissions I'm still catching up on, plus mom's retirement money can only do so much.
But even if I do that, what amount would I even ask for that sounds reasonable?
What factors should I put into account?
Would I get flack for even doing this knowing how social media can get when it comes to donations?
If need be, I could share publicly what expenses were made using the money donated to mitigate whatever people might think.
I'm aware of and know how these donation things can get messy... trust me, I was there when Beast's Fury was doing their campaigns.
I guess selling the house is out of the question for the time being... which means me being stuck here for even longer, but for how long, I wish I knew. Plus, there's also the added guilt of knowing I'd leave mom all alone with her current physical condition if I moved now.
So, for anyone curious why I've been mostly quiet, at least for the past few months, this has been what I've been dealing with. I can't really keep it to myself much longer or risk going even crazier than I have been with worry and frustration.
on holiday during the holidays
Posted 4 years agoHey guys, been a while since the last journal.
Been enjoying my stay in Maryland with my fiancee and so far enjoying the rest after last month's loss and the stress dealing with much of the past year.
Also gotten various owed art worked on, I should upload them once I'm able to as I go through the rest of what I still need to do. I'm still hoping to get some personal art and projects underway once my to-do list is cleared up.
...oh right, my birthday's also coming up on the 25th, so that's a thing. I admittedly miss the old childhood feeling I once had of Christmas as I age
Been enjoying my stay in Maryland with my fiancee and so far enjoying the rest after last month's loss and the stress dealing with much of the past year.
Also gotten various owed art worked on, I should upload them once I'm able to as I go through the rest of what I still need to do. I'm still hoping to get some personal art and projects underway once my to-do list is cleared up.
...oh right, my birthday's also coming up on the 25th, so that's a thing. I admittedly miss the old childhood feeling I once had of Christmas as I age
RIP Kyle Dragon; 1981-2021
Posted 4 years agoThose of you not in the know, a longtime friend and furry tickle fetish member of the community, 
kyledragon, passed away earlier this morning on November 3rd, just over two weeks shy of his 40th birthday.
The cause of death was colon cancer, which was discovered "early on" (as in, it's not immediately obvious until late in its development).
He informed many of his friends, including me, earlier this year before making it public in his journals and social media. Many of us were mentally prepared for the possibility things might go badly while also hoping he could fight it off and come out on top... unfortunately, it seems despite his treatments, the cancer spread too far and his parents made the incredibly difficult decision to pull the plug and free him from his suffering.
I'll always regret not meeting him face-to-face despite knowing each other for 20+ years.
To those who aren't familiar with him, it can be argued he pioneered, or at least technically "founded" the furry tickle fetish community.
Back in the days before DeviantArt existed, before social media, many of us discovered his website during the late 90's to early 2000. The VERY FIRST top search result in many search engines for "furry tickling" was always his old website hosted on Furnation/Furstreet. There was very little on that subject aside from whatever was mixed in various tickle fetish groups that were on places such as Yahoo Clubs/Yahoo Groups.
His furstreet site is still archived on Furstreet thanks to
egger ; https://www.furstreet.com/kyle/
It was through his site I was introduced to many artists that I eventually became friends with... Caroo, Firebird, Ximon, Chameleonice, Equidna, PandaJenn, Cheshire Cat... and many more.
In fact, it was due to Kyle linking my old Angelfire site to his, where I got my initial major boost of attention and traffic as it introduced me to even more friends and fans.
Were it not for him, I'm not sure if I would've gained as much attention for my art in those early days of the internet. For this and many other reasons, I thank him. I just wish he had another 40 more years of life to give me a chance to meet him and play his collection of games or something... maybe somewhat make a mini-con meetup with other fans/friends.
I'm happy he was my friend for the 20+ years we've known each other as he witnessed my growth in my art skills... Even making art and also animations for him was a big honor for such a predominant face of the community.
I don't know much else to add here, as he preferred to keep his real life and his fursona separate, so I'll respect his wishes and maintain that posthumously.
kyledragon, passed away earlier this morning on November 3rd, just over two weeks shy of his 40th birthday.The cause of death was colon cancer, which was discovered "early on" (as in, it's not immediately obvious until late in its development).
He informed many of his friends, including me, earlier this year before making it public in his journals and social media. Many of us were mentally prepared for the possibility things might go badly while also hoping he could fight it off and come out on top... unfortunately, it seems despite his treatments, the cancer spread too far and his parents made the incredibly difficult decision to pull the plug and free him from his suffering.
I'll always regret not meeting him face-to-face despite knowing each other for 20+ years.
To those who aren't familiar with him, it can be argued he pioneered, or at least technically "founded" the furry tickle fetish community.
Back in the days before DeviantArt existed, before social media, many of us discovered his website during the late 90's to early 2000. The VERY FIRST top search result in many search engines for "furry tickling" was always his old website hosted on Furnation/Furstreet. There was very little on that subject aside from whatever was mixed in various tickle fetish groups that were on places such as Yahoo Clubs/Yahoo Groups.
His furstreet site is still archived on Furstreet thanks to
egger ; https://www.furstreet.com/kyle/It was through his site I was introduced to many artists that I eventually became friends with... Caroo, Firebird, Ximon, Chameleonice, Equidna, PandaJenn, Cheshire Cat... and many more.
In fact, it was due to Kyle linking my old Angelfire site to his, where I got my initial major boost of attention and traffic as it introduced me to even more friends and fans.
Were it not for him, I'm not sure if I would've gained as much attention for my art in those early days of the internet. For this and many other reasons, I thank him. I just wish he had another 40 more years of life to give me a chance to meet him and play his collection of games or something... maybe somewhat make a mini-con meetup with other fans/friends.
I'm happy he was my friend for the 20+ years we've known each other as he witnessed my growth in my art skills... Even making art and also animations for him was a big honor for such a predominant face of the community.
I don't know much else to add here, as he preferred to keep his real life and his fursona separate, so I'll respect his wishes and maintain that posthumously.
Still alive
Posted 4 years agoHoo boy, where to start... I'm on Twitter a lot; https://twitter.com/SorcererLance
Stayed with my fiancee and her family during the holidays... got my first injection with the next one tomorrow... been addicted to Monster Hunter again... DA sucks and I might expand to other art sites while having less of a focus on DA as my main hub for my art... stimulus checks continue to be untrustworthy despite being promised 2K every month since last year...
...and of course playing catch-up with art I still owe others in no particular order;
PAID - krubymoin
PAID - Riku-werefox-92
PAID - TwigKawasa
PAID - RedStriker23424
PAID - bax590
PAID - T95Master
PAID - Ryanic
PAID - ScotSkunk
paying (on hold) - BiosReaper
paying (on hold) - caboose85
PAID - BiosReaper
PAID - Yumes
PAID - Dr Marc
PAID - Brandon_Da_Fox
PAID - Cypo
Bolt
PAID - Caboose/Podrick
AllenW
PAID - FoxyWoxy
PAID - Lu
PAID - Omnikitty
PAID - Kintuse
PAID - Katrice
PAID - Terry
PAID - Js1161997
PAID - DoubleEdgeCat
PAID - DinoZotty
PAID - GtsSandalsFan
PAID - MysticPyroFreak
PAID - Anonymous
PAID - blarf307
PAID - Anonymous
TRADE - Daz
TRADE - Auzboi
TRADE - RalfTheRalfMan
TRADE - Ruby_Dragonoid
TRADE - Wingwolf
TRADE - Aerokat
TRADE - HarleyJoe
TRADE - Urge
TRADE - Cyborg-Steve
TRADE - PierreRedmon
Stayed with my fiancee and her family during the holidays... got my first injection with the next one tomorrow... been addicted to Monster Hunter again... DA sucks and I might expand to other art sites while having less of a focus on DA as my main hub for my art... stimulus checks continue to be untrustworthy despite being promised 2K every month since last year...
...and of course playing catch-up with art I still owe others in no particular order;
PAID - krubymoin
PAID - Riku-werefox-92
PAID - TwigKawasa
PAID - RedStriker23424
PAID - bax590
PAID - T95Master
PAID - Ryanic
PAID - ScotSkunk
paying (on hold) - BiosReaper
paying (on hold) - caboose85
PAID - BiosReaper
PAID - Yumes
PAID - Dr Marc
PAID - Brandon_Da_Fox
PAID - Cypo
Bolt
PAID - Caboose/Podrick
AllenW
PAID - FoxyWoxy
PAID - Lu
PAID - Omnikitty
PAID - Kintuse
PAID - Katrice
PAID - Terry
PAID - Js1161997
PAID - DoubleEdgeCat
PAID - DinoZotty
PAID - GtsSandalsFan
PAID - MysticPyroFreak
PAID - Anonymous
PAID - blarf307
PAID - Anonymous
TRADE - Daz
TRADE - Auzboi
TRADE - RalfTheRalfMan
TRADE - Ruby_Dragonoid
TRADE - Wingwolf
TRADE - Aerokat
TRADE - HarleyJoe
TRADE - Urge
TRADE - Cyborg-Steve
TRADE - PierreRedmon
Youtube cameos, operation and commissions progress
Posted 5 years agoSo I've had two Youtube cameos in one month...
First with a Game Grumps Animated having Fox making a cameo;
Second being Final Fantasy 7 Machinabridged
I was briefly and playfully bickering with my fiancee over a particular pronunciation;
Also anyone curious about, or most likely, forgotten about my surgery... My recovery's been doing fine so far.
For the past 5 weeks I've had to go to the hospital daily to get my gauze changed by the nurses as I can't do it properly myself and mom was too queasy looking at the open wound as it can't be sewn up.
Supposedly it should fully heal after 8 weeks, so we'll see how that goes and if it'll heal sooner than that.
In other news, I'm still whittling away at owed commissions... I want to give my upmost apologies for the wait so far to those in my queue.
I've been doing streams the past several nights working through various of them, admittedly I haven't felt like posting announcements whenever I do stream since I'm a lazy ass, but I should get back into that habit again.
I also still want to eventually make time for my Patreon webcomic that's been gathering dust since soft launching it a while back once I clear out my owed list.
On a semi-related note, would anyone be opposed to me sharing art I've gotten from others onto my gallery in the meantime?
First with a Game Grumps Animated having Fox making a cameo;
Second being Final Fantasy 7 Machinabridged
I was briefly and playfully bickering with my fiancee over a particular pronunciation;
Also anyone curious about, or most likely, forgotten about my surgery... My recovery's been doing fine so far.
For the past 5 weeks I've had to go to the hospital daily to get my gauze changed by the nurses as I can't do it properly myself and mom was too queasy looking at the open wound as it can't be sewn up.
Supposedly it should fully heal after 8 weeks, so we'll see how that goes and if it'll heal sooner than that.
In other news, I'm still whittling away at owed commissions... I want to give my upmost apologies for the wait so far to those in my queue.
I've been doing streams the past several nights working through various of them, admittedly I haven't felt like posting announcements whenever I do stream since I'm a lazy ass, but I should get back into that habit again.
I also still want to eventually make time for my Patreon webcomic that's been gathering dust since soft launching it a while back once I clear out my owed list.
On a semi-related note, would anyone be opposed to me sharing art I've gotten from others onto my gallery in the meantime?
Operation Successful
Posted 6 years agoGot what I needed removed on the 27th, been in recovery ever since... due to the soreness while recovering, streams are on hold until I'm in less pain
Thanks to everyone who wished me well
Thanks to everyone who wished me well
Surgery
Posted 6 years agoHey guys, just a heads-up I'm getting some surgery done on the 27th to remove a cyst that's been bugging me for the past few years
Art streams are gonna be either slowed down or stopped until I'm recovered from it
Art streams are gonna be either slowed down or stopped until I'm recovered from it
