Well just a few days ago, from what I can tell based on some emails, I finally finished my graduation with my university. I guess multiple careers you can say you'd be pretty well off with an education, but for me I actually feel worse off now than I did before I started my education. I feel like I lost everything and spent that time staring into the void of pain and suffering. I've lost everything I was before my education, my self worth, my beliefs, everything I stand for. I feel more mindless and lost and what do I have in return for that? A piece of paper.

I spent 6 years and lost so many people that were once friends. Six years spent in a prison instead of out making experiences. I have no hobbies and been stuck up for those years, staring into a computer screen or mindlessly staring at a professor as they absolutely sucked at their job. The world was a far better place years ago and has only gotten worse and worse. I'm not saying it was good those years ago, but reflection now and then on my own life, I think everything could have gone so much better if instead of wasting my life at getting a piece of paper I instead went into an actual job, made some money, and did something than slaving away and being judged by everyone around me. My family is an utter piece of shit...

And yet... through all of these years, I'm still not even really halfway done with my education as I continue on, this is only the midpoint as I continue my career, but I have the largest wall to climb now with actually taking my LSTAT to get into a law school and hopefully I'll be on the right track.

The emotional trauma of not just my family breathing down my next, not just the trauma of having nearly no friends and no one to lean into for support, none of that really hurts as much as watching everyone around me pick either a better career choice or going into the workforce and making a life of themselves while I still mindless take class after class, hoping to god I just slip by with the bare minimum so I don't have to retake some classes. I could have done so much more with my life should I have picked a better path in my life, but I never really had the option...

Most of this was just me venting as lately I have not been doing well and I think I got sick just being depressed as I am... I don't need anyone to talk to be about this crap, so don't go messaging me, but don't be surprised in the upcoming years I just suddenly disappear never to be heard from again, not like anyone would even notice me gone.



Edit (4/12/23): Guess I didn't meet all my requirements for graduation. Missed the mark for my gpa by like .01. Means I have to spend another semester hoping I can pass some of my trash classes that have been depressing me. My university is such a joke... doesn't help my depression.
Edit (6/6/23): Guess I got passed anyways, so I am graduated.

My friend caught this a few days ago when we were playing the new sea of thieves event. Pretty funny clip I thought I'd share on here, though do turn down the sound just a bit.
https://medal.tv/games/sea-of-thiev.....osNjQ3NDY1NjIs

My PoV can be found here though with poor quality and lack of audio.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/kvek6tle1.....57-40.mp4?dl=0

When you warn them to not get political with you but then decide to shove their agenda down your throat. They then claim you are the enemy because you don’t follow their opinions and claim yours are wrong. They then block you because of their insecurities and inability to properly debate with facts and statistics.

They also do this when your so depressed you are debating suicide.

Yeah... “friends”

This is why I’m not social.

To be honest, I needed to put this somewhere on my page, so decided to throw it into a journal. This is not a pretty journal, but it serves the purpose to explain why I always had something depressing on my page rather than anything positive. I don’t want to people to come worrying about me, so please don’t. I doubt anyone reads these anyways, but if you take the time to go through it... just don’t worry about me, alright? I’ll be fine, I always am, I make it through... one day at a time...

Perpetual depression. So you want to know me and decided to take the time to read this? Well here’s a run down of the kind of person behind this screen. I’m a depressive person nearly all year round and the person behind the screen absolutely hates himself. To be honest I hope my time on this planet is short as time and time again it has proven to be hell. I’m not saying I would do anything drastic, but I damn well would take a bullet to save lives at a robbery, or hope that one day a bus can slam into me. I’m a pessimistic person, mainly because my entire life I’ve been bullied from peers, teachers, and even my own councilors who encouraged it. I’ve been abused by a parent who had anger issues and had to bring her to court. I’ve been left out from making friends and being able to express myself. I’ve had my oldest friends backstab me for countless reasons, completely crushing my soul. I’ve been forced into a career by my parents, and though I enjoy it, I have to go to college for nearly 15% of lifetime for, only so I can fit in with society. I have to go through a major I hate and absolutely dread, being my weakest point, all the while my parents continue to bicker and best me down, striping me of self worth if I even fail a single class, even if they themselves haven’t even gone past 3 years in college. They say I’m not smart, constantly degrading me. I’m poor, living with one of my parents day to day to focus solely on college to make sure I can even make it into law school. If I don’t make it into my career I honestly have no clue what I’ll do with my life... so yes, I’m fucking depressed. No, no one can help me but myself. I’m not an introvert, so I feel dead inside when no one talks to me or ever invites me to play a game. I feel absolutely crushed when people forget about me and go off and get art with others, all the while I’m sitting on the sidelines crying, wishing I would just vanish from this god forsaken planet. People say I need to get out there and make friends, but how can I when all my life I’ve been forced to sit at the back, degraded by everyone, never approached by anyone. How can I stay positive when the world around me has treated me like a floor mat? I’ve had less than ten people I would call friends in my lifetime, and every one of them has nearly betrayed me. I have no trust, no insensitive to actually go out there and make friends, because I full know well that one day they’ll throw me out like trash. Have you ever been given a gift in your life? Guess what, I haven’t. I’ve only received gifts from my family, no one outside of it except on a few occasions. Any gifts I received are categorized in my gallery, and I’ve only ever received one game (Fairly recently by a friend upon writing this). You know, I used to give out well over $300ish of games a year to friends, just because I was that nice. Want to know what happened? No one even bothered playing them with me... in fact, most just ignore me or blocked me after a bit, and these were people I would call my old known friends. I refuse to give out free stuff now these days, people have stripped me of everything, my kindness, my positivity, and my self worth. I’m a damn cynic. No one cares in this world, be honest. Yes, I love day to day crying myself to sleep nearly, watching people being happy with partners and friends, all the while I will always be on the sidelines. Maybe one day I’ll get my law job, making about a million per year in income so I can just bathe myself in art or whatever... I mean it won’t make me happy, but I guess I’ll take what I can get. It’s not only just a lack of friends but also a partner. I dated someone sweet for three years and while the relationship ended rather fine, I doubt anyone will ever even bother to want to date me again. I’m not anywhere near good looking and I doubt any woman would even dare to approach me in a million mile radius. I haven’t had a single woman even dare approach me willingly in my lifetime... so that doesn’t help to much with my confidence of ever being able to find someone who I can actually care about. Every day goes by and I hope at some point someone hold me at gunpoint, so I can walk towards them and press that gun right to my head, because I don’t have the courage to do it myself. No, I’m not suicidal, but inside I am dead. This is what I call perpetual depression. None of this can be ever be fixed. Want to know a man who has emotional scars for life? It’s me. I push people away, not because I want to but because I’m shy; I don’t want to hurt people. I have bad rage in games when it comes to pvp, because truthfully, I suck at games. I utterly suck at the only thing in my life that helps with stress. My attitude pushes people away and I have lost friends because of it, or upset many people. People laugh about my rage, and they’re right... I hate it myself, I hate myself because of it. I hate myself more than any other person on this planet, because I’m not strong enough to hold myself together. I’ve held myself for years, keeping my emotions pent in, but eventually it comes out, and that’s what my depression is. It’s an never ending cycle. Should you get to know me? No. Why? Because I’m nothing special, and I’ll only do harm.

Edit: Added this on a few weeks later because this is another issue that has been killing me the past months and even years with some people. Art splitting. This has been a massive pain emotionally, when multiple people say they want to split and get art with me, then proceed to throw me away or completely forget about me. They then proceed to go get art with others as if I never existed. Art splitting is incredibly hard for myself... since it seems no one ever wants to get art with me... guess it’s because my characters are just plain and boring. Honestly I’ve been considering just cutting off any splits and just saying no to them, since nearly 2/3 of them just end up hurting my depression even worse. Guess I’m just not popular enough to be like others who get the chance to split with everyone else in the world.

I honestly don't like to post much stuff here on my FA due to me being so anti social and honestly keeping to myself, but this finally broke me. I really had to post something about this issue. For anyone who knows the game Istaria: Chronicles of the gifted, this game's community is utter trash. This game has that old feel of an MMO back from the 2000s and still keeps it's style and old graphics. The game is completely fine in that aspect and the reason I mainly love it, also the open world is addicting to explore and find all the neat little hidden stuff, but what's left of the community is the sour bottom of a drink. It's the left over pieces of entitled scum that you find running around on any game. I used to play this game several years back and took a bit of a break. When I played I joined in with a new group of people, a mix of all kinds of lower level people playing the game for their first time, with one ancient in the guild, though they weren't on that much. We learned to help each other, including others who wanted to join in on our fun. We not only helped the guild but made sure to build positive relationships with others to help keep everyone in the game, and it lasted for several months till people started to leave due to life complications and generally moving on from the old style MMO. The guild while relatively small at around 20 different people, we made sure to work as a guild was but not focus directly on ourselves only.

It was fun and finally decided to come back, and unfortunately, I saw the same scum that was in the game years ago. This game hasn't changed even in the slightest. I have been constantly bombard by those that think they are better just because they are older in the game. This game is dead, and you want to know why? Because the community is all toxicity. Back when I ran years ago I went for my ROP, and unlike a lot of players, I wanted until my upper 60s, with the same craft level. While I was very capable of doing all the quests, I could not solo the last boss which was designed for a group. This boss is specifically designed for a boss as a GROUP. So what do you do? You obviously ask for a small bit of help, literally nothing big, someone to just help kill one single mob that could hardly do much to them. Guess that's pretty hard when 95% of your community is sitting around and using the game like a glorified chat room. It took many days and eventually someone decided to help, and he had the guts to literally insult me, saying that when he was a hatchling, he did it when we was max level so he didn't need help. I was literally straight insulted and this guy treated me like a kid. I wasn't just looked down on, he saw himself as a higher being compared to me because of his infinite wisdom. Whatever, got it done, blocked the guy afterwards. I had no trouble up until I maxed leveled just recently and been slowly developing scales to match my play style, only to suddenly realize that everything in the endgame is GROUP content. And well, you may argue it's an MMO. Yeah, would make sense, to a game made in 2019. This is a 16 year old game, and it still relies on GROUP content. End content is near impossible solo. You literally cannot reach becoming an ancient without help from others. It would be great if literally 95% of the community stopped being an entitled ass and only helping their guildmates. I mean hell, there are some quests that REQUIRE a biped to make something, and most just straight up ignore you because it's more trouble than it's worth. There is nothing a biped needs, not even money since they are swimming in it. So as a solo player you are stuck on some quests that REQUIRE bipeds and GROUP content. I finally was able to jump into a random group to go and fight a "lesser boss" to complete a quest. I have to admit, this nearly just got me to quit right there and then. A couple ancients laughed because the boss we were fighting was apparently able to be soloed. Yeah, it can be soloed because ancients have quite a few buffs compared to adults (and hatchlings). But it's near impossible to solo your ancient ROP, so you can't ever even reach that point. Nearly all end game content is locked behind becoming an ancient, which is completely locked behind having a tight nit group. It would be great if someone were to stop being entitled to their friends and their friends only, and only helping their guild. Anyway, that boss sucked, I was literally one shot and they didn't even bother reviving me till the entire fight was over, so didn't even end up getting the quest done. Luckily someone gave me the piece I needed, but these ancients are literally the definition of scum in this game. There are several guilds who only help themselves and couldn't even lift a finger to help anyone outside of them.

You want to know why this game is dead and hasn't seen a complete overhaul in 10+ years to stay up with other MMOs? It's because there isn't a playerbase. The playerbase is dead because of the toxicity. And this isn't just me thinking this. I know a few of my friends in the past who have played the game and even a random I met who used to run one of the big guilds years ago. They all claim the same story. This game is dead because all that's left is the leftover at the bottom of a cup.

I'm turning off comments for this, not because I'm afraid of the backlash, but this was a rant for rant purposes. This isn't focused at anyone in particular but the huge chunk of the community that may never even see this. I needed to vent it out, because it's a neat game, but the community has killed it. I swear if FA deletes this because I'm hurting someone's feelings, I'm posting it elsewhere where it can't be deleted. And for whoever plays it, no I'm not looking for help, I can get by just fine, but the game's system is designed around something that this community cannot provide. Also I saw someone calling this stuff out on their forums years back and it was locked straight away for hate. Good way to develop a community, someone calls out an issue and it gets blocked. And that post only reinforced my idea of the community. There were many veterans claiming they knew what was right and only their opinion was right. Its the same people who are left over. Guess you can't upset your only paying customers right? So might as well block anyone against it.

Alright so because I have so many ideas bustling around, I need to write them down somewhere to share my own ideas out here with some people. I have a multitude of ideas which I will be adding to the list over time, think of it almost like a bucket list I suppose. These are all in no particular order, so don't think the top is the most wanted by me. I plan to fill this is for a long time so be prepared for a long list if you want to read through it. There are some kinks that some may not like, so a heads up.



General Idea Department:
-***NEW REFS*** (For both my main western and eastern dragon, they need them badly)
-A scene with many Jagras (MH) going down into my belly and cock
-A scene with Palicoes (MH) helping out their master, going down his belly and cock, or possibly failing a quest when out hunting the dragon
-A comic scene where my dragon is a massive GW2 boss, showing off dozens of little ones as I land, then a second scene with my dragon laying with a large belly.
-A nice flying scene through the Hallelujah Mountains in Avatar (Yes, that is their name)
-More hoard scenes, lewd or not
-A Agnaktor (MH) in heat, being sated by the ice dragon
-Monsterifying my western and eastern for monster hunter!
-A macro breeding piece with Dalamadur (MH)
-An animation of my dragons at some point
-Possibly 3D models of my dragons
-Breeding scene ontop of a city with any Kaiju like creature, damn I love macro
-Potion growth/transformation
-Monster Hunter icons for my dragons
-One of my dragons as a Feral Dread Saurian from Warhammer in which he is being pampered


Desired kinks (https://www.f-list.net/c/Quinarth%20Snowtide):
-More macro, lots of macro
-Vore as always, both oral and cock, with a possible absorption
-Growth
-Transformation stuff, though picky
-Lots of size different stuff
-Plenty of hyper balls
-Extreme hyper balls and cock
-Bathing females in cum
-Cock warming
-Hoards of eggs



Creatures to Convert (Fuck):
-Legiana (MH) as my Eastern
-Xeno'jjiva (MH) as my Eastern
-Genderbended Rathalos (MH) and Azura Rathalos (MH)
-Rathian (MH), Dreadqueen Rathian (MH), Gold Rathian (MH)
-Tobi-Kadachi (MH)
-Kulve Taroth (MH)
-Nergigante (MH)
-Pukei-Pukei (MH)
-Tzitzi-Ya-Ku (MH)
-Lagiacrus (MH)
-Tigrex (MH)
-Mizutsune (MH)
-Gypceros (MH)
-Alatreon (MH)
-Zinogre (MH)
-Shagaru Magala (MH)
-Agnaktor (MH)
-Nargacuga (MH)
-Fatalis (MH)
-Seregios (MH)
-Gore Magala (MH)
-Dalamadur (MH)
-Mountain Banshee (Avatar)
-Great Leonopteryx (Avatar)
-Auroth the winter wyvern (Dota 2)
-Deathclaws (Fallout)
-Scorchbeast and the scorchbeast queen (Fallout)
-Royal Wyvern (Witcher)
-Archgriffin (Witcher)
-MUTO (Godzilla)
-Rodan (Godzilla)
-Scissure (Pacific Rim)
-Raiju (Pacific Rim)
-Otachi (Pacific Rim)
-Slattern (Pacific Rim)
-Verocitor (Pacific Rim)
-Wyverns (Ark)
-indoraptor (Jurassic Park)
-Hydras
-Spinos
-Warrior (Borderlands 2)
-Anna (AWSW)
-Adine (AWAW)
-Plenty of dragonesses
-Princesses of course!



Species Bending for Western and Eastern Sonas:
-Mountain Banshee (Avatar)
-Great Leonopteryx (Avatar)
-Viperwolf (Avatar)
-Thanator (Avatar)
-Some monsters from the Monster Hunter series
-Spino (Something like ark probably)
-Snakes (Not sure what kinds)
-Werewolf
-Wyverns
-Deathclaw (Fallout)
-Scorchbeast (Fallout)
-Hydra
-Feral Dread Saurian (Warhammer Fantasy)

So wanted to get these two little things out since they've been coming to my mind the past week and finally decided to get off my rear and post it. If anyone is wanting to split with one of my main characters, give me a nudge here, on discord, or on telegram whenever. I have a few people lined up already but it helps to know who might be interested for anything in the future. My f-list can be found under the contact information on my profile, would love to hear some ideas. The art doesn't have to be nsfw, so if a sfw idea comes to mind then I'd love to hear. Also if you have any interest in talking to me then by all means add me on discord or telegram, I respond better on discord though.

Raffle:
Alrighty, since that's out of the way, I've been thinking about a possible free raffle piece with my character and someone else's. My character would be one of my main dragons and the other character would be female. I'd probably allow a male character to enter under the rule that the piece would be sfw or it would be vore, my character being predator as always. Price wouldn't really be an issue as I'd go pretty high on it. It's just an idea but I'm probably going to do it sometime after December possibly, leading into January, that is if I don't get more interest in splits. Also if anyone ever happens to leave a message on this journal and the raffle does happen, I'll give an extra chance if you do enter.