I'm sorry to all of you who choose to follow me here or anywhere.

I'm not a very good friend to anyone and right now I don't know how to fix that. I know I don't reach out to you to talk. You come to me first but I never come to you. I realise how my lack of not reciprocating that friendship back must make you feel. Confused, upset and maybe even hurt. Like I don't want to be your friend in return.

Truth is I always see myself as a bother to you. Oh it's him again saying the same old stuff and asking to do the same things. I'm sorry for that way of thinking. It's a complete lack of faith in you and assuming the worst. Deep down all I want to do is talk or hang with you but this stupid mindset takes a hold first and I end up telling myself maybe some other time. But I don't.

I just want you to know that even if I haven't spoke to you in a very long time it's not because I don't like you. But that doesn't excuse my neglect. I need to watch what I say and the impact is has on you and realise that a lack of action or silence is equally as damaging.

I'm not trying to out myself down by saying all this. Just trying to explain my mind and hope you don't hate me or think I want nothing to do with you.
It's a long overdue apology and I'm truly sorry.
Thanks for reading.

If i've blocked you or removed you from socials/chats over the past year. I'm sorry

My mental state has been fucked really bad over the past year. I haven't been myself. I haven't been rational or thinking clearly. I've lashed out at friends and family at the tiniest thing.

Not helping was when people tried to tell me their perspective on the situation. I lashed out because I didn't want to hear it. It's nothing to do with whether I thought they were right or wrong. It just fed into the cycle and kept all the mental frustration i've been dealing with right at the surface and that's bad.

I'm getting better very slowly now. I've been in therapy for a while talking things through and making progress. I am mentally exhausted and by no means healthy right now. But I feel I owed this to people I snapped at and in a haste blocked. Understand I regret that a lot as honestly some of you I really liked a lot and months after reflecting on it I even missed you.

If you want to talk to me again and can forgive me. Let me know here or send me a note. If not that's okay too and I understand. Thanks for reading.

So I've had a clean out of my contacts recently. If you found yourself removed from my Discord and/or Telegram and history cleared. It was either because:
You didn't talk much and it was only ever small talk
You were only pervy with me or creepy and nothing else
Or a bit too pushy with your opinions and difficult to talk to.
I don't have a lot of hangups. I'm a relaxed, fun energetic understanding guy. But those above things won't get you far with me. Have to reciprocate friendship and put in some effort. Anyway if you want a second chance and willing to try. Lemme know. Show you care. But I'm focusing on who matters. Tad harsh but I'm trying to focus on who are my friends and not just people who say they are.

Hey. Just wondering if any of you have experienced this weird Telegram issue I've ran into.

So a chat has left me on unread (the single check) for a while. Later on I signed out and back in becsuse I figured it wasn't synced. The message was then left read (with double checks) but only on Telegram mobile. On Telegram desktop it was still left unread. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

I don't matter at all do I... Not even a little

I'm never seen as me anymore... no one ever cares about what the real me is like. It's either they've got the hots for my sona or my body pics.

Oh and screw me if I ever try and suggest something outside of that... I can't remember the last time anyone wanted to get to me know beyond those things..

It's always the same story. Everyone's got something better to do. Never got time for me unless something is in it for them. Never a moment to spare for boring old me.

I'm so very lonely. I spend far too much time by myself. Working from home will do that. I am lucky if even ONE person wants to spend time with me a week

I struggle in group chats. And don't gimme the whole "you don't have to talk in group chats" that's pretty much the only way to meet people anymore. But what do I have to bring. Nothing. I'm the most boring uninteresting person you'll ever meet. Say otherwise and you're lying to me or don't know me very well.

I don't know why i'm sharing this..

I love being naked in public so much. Fully naked. Everyone else dressed and staring. Pointing at you. Whispering about you. Taking photos of you and sharing them on social media. Getting so hard and sticky from all the exposure. OMG I love it so much >/////////<

Heyyyyyy HEY! Dumb Pandotter finally using VRChat! Be nice to have some buddies! Okay okay, pretty new to VRChat and want some buds there to help ease the anxiety a bit. (SpicyPandotter) I'm nice!

I saw a lot of names and faces I recognised faving those commissions. Any of you wanna catch up on Discord or Telegram? Hey if you wanna chat for the first time, that'd be nice too! Open invite if you wanna go for it.
Telegram SpicyPandotter
Discord Spicy the Pandotter #9377
Either or both!

It's been a while since i've posted any commissioned pieces here (4 years...) so let's fix that shall we.

As simple as it sounds, i'm making a telegram channel where I will expose myself completely. Stream myself, upload photos, videos. For you to enjoy and tease me and encourage and indulge my exhibitionist side as much as you want! It's public of course hehe. Hope you see me there ^///^

https://t.me/exhibitionistpandotter

Ok so a slightly more serious journal. When you talk to someone new for the first time and really hit it off and have a real fun chat together. The next day do you wait for them to get back in touch or do you reach out to them again?
See, me i'm very very nervous about reaching out and usually wait for them. My first thoughts tend to be; "i'm bugging them, I shouldn't, they'll think oh no him again, oh he wants to DO that AGAIN." But if they reach out it takes the edge off because it makes me feel THEY WANT to spend time with me, they sought me out after all.
So this makes no sense, if I enjoy someone's company and enjoy doing things with them I should just do it, right? And yes i'm aware people spend time with other people and have work, commitements etc. I'm not self centered.
The reason I bring this all up is because it's crippled me a while and I can tell it's definetly been why i've lost some friends or just grown distant from them. I just want to overcome this and feel confident to reach out every time without fear or anxiety trying to stop me.
And opinions on naughty friends? Do you have friends who you're just naughty with and nothing else? Do you try and get to know them more outside of that or do other things?
Thank you for your time and reading this and any input is appreciated ^^

Because I'm one hehehe. It's a pretty big kink for me. Being completely naked in front of guys who are still clothed. Completely exposed huff. I love it so much, it feels so amazing and gives me amazing hard ons. Even better if its in public mmmm. I love taking late night walks completely naked. Whenever I'm home I'm naked. Go to sleep naked and wake up naked.
Sooooo who wants to see me naked? I mean it hehe! I'm happy to be naked for you on Discord or Telegram. Or if you just want to tease me with exhibitionist fantasies mmmm.
Hope you see me soon!