FA+
Shop
Let's improve your Art!
Posted a week agoIt was awhile since my last journal! A lot of shit happened, mostly good then bad. A lot of new people met and experiences experienced.
Getting closer to 1 year milestone of doing social pages I wanted to talk about art more: how it changed for me, how I "improved" and what I done for it. These aspect mean a lot for me because they usually bound to me trough how I feel about myself as a person and stuff I gone trough in previous months if not years. I don't like the feeling of my art feeling stale for me as I, understandably, don't wanna burn out of it, so getting to know how the learning process works can be really helpful.
Disclaimer, I don't sell the solution - I just share my experiences. What worked for me might not work for you! There is nothing wrong with not understanding my stances, because I could say the same about yours, but they meant to be shared because the collective knowledge might lead us if not for truth, but the database of ideas to choose from. Let's begin.
Everything looks the same...
Before discovering myself as furry artist the art routine was always the same: open Krita, doodle thing by using that one brush I found cool 2 years ago and close it 30 minute later... Not really fun workflow, right? Me repeating one thing all over again once in awhile and not really challenging myself. For years I was drawing like that and I clearly can see why I wasn't improving that much... Also no wonder I took multiple half year hiatuses, damn.
It's nothing wrong to do one thing, and work one way, and use that brush you like. Tbh, if you want to master something, you encouraged to do that! But give yourself room to wiggle in. Try coloring your thing for once, switch brush, learn about some program function, etc. etc.. If you incorporate it in your art routine you might find how many things you were missing on by just not trying new ways of expressing yourself. Who knows where you can finally find your true self.
Scary mistakes
Trying new stuff can be terrifying. It especially true to people who decided to show their art on social media.
What they gonna think? What if this shit?? What if I am shitty artist???
You definitely not that shitty as you think and thats why. Learning is the process that comes from practice and if we hold that practice by our fears and anxieties we never gonna learn how to do a thing! It not only applies to art, but for every stuff you learn ranging from washing dishes to leading mutual aid organizations. Yes, things range in fear factor, but you definitely not dealing with dozens of people money aids and their personal security...
Let's think for a second, about mutual aid. If this area exist then it means people working there faced their fears and now practice how to be better in field they love work at. As you, who, hopefully, really like to draw furry porn...or something else... well! <3
But for art to be "well" you should definitely need to see mistakes down the road, soooo do them! Do as many as you please. I believe with time you can turn these mistakes in something that calls to you and people who enjoy your art.
"Build it 1st, you can make it pretty later"
From experience, I never called it fear of trying new things, but rather my laziness, but the principle the same. Thankfully for certain painful life circumstances I was faced with fear and breaking this barrier really lead me towards active search for what I can do with my life situation. Even if it just tiny bit it was worth of to me. Art came as a savior for a time and getting gentle pushes from my friends really lead me to doing something, rather then nothing.
What is it even for?
Answer yourself - why you draw? Give it multiple answers, try to think of something that resonates most with you. Didn't you notice that it actually really hard question to answer and I can assure you - you are not alone.
We as humans change once in awhile. Few years ago we are rebellious teens and now we are less rebellious hetero couple with 2 children to care about (can't be us in this economy or with our sexual orientation, but lets pretend). Our views on the world forever changing. Once bright world full of colors changed into grim dark agelord doomer one with all these wars and failed governments...or transforms to something else entirely...but still with wars and failed governments! That what makes us humans after all.
Does it mean we can't answer this question based on things above at all? We can always try, but I think it is the last thing you want to worry about, because they tend to touch on subject matter of finished work rather then something rough and unfinished. So I'll give you more compacted list, that might help you:
1) Do you draw what you love to draw?;
2) Do you enjoy the process of art?;
3) Do you like to share your work with other people and connect over it?
They are fairly simple and you can adjust easily to any of them. Hate drawing damn twinks and always liked to draw buff men? Go ahead. Don't like how brush works? Do research on this subject. Want to befriend that cool artist you inspired by? Try to improve, get their mentorship and bond in the process. Answer truly and may you find truths that personally suits you.
Make them friends, damnit!
Joking about that idol of an artist you have, you expect them to be something unreachable. Something that only "art elites" can talk to. But oh wow, they usually just...people. Of bone and blood, and usually same freakiness that you have. Getting in touch with multiple of them proved me that and now I share this knowledge with you.
Don't be an asshole. People find fast that you are there not for them as human beings, but walking counter of followers that maybe gonna repost your work to boost you. Show them your art, show them how much you like them big dicks and bulges, help them when they need you and don't expect anything in return. Treat them as humans and they will treat your art accordingly.
But this is comes to artist friends, what about people who only held pen for school essays before Word became a thing? Same. They give you same benefits as your fellow cool artists if not better sometimes. The more perspectives on life you have, the more cool art you gonna do, isn't it simple!
We are social creatures. We like to share what we done. And I believe that it really crucial to our journey as an artist and I believe your friends make your art better.
Rest. Rest. Rest
At last I want to touch something that not a lot of people can measure for themselves.
Resting is really crucial for our development, because stressed body just doesn't work at full capacity. It is really tempting to draw every day for 8 hours for maximum gains, but you do it at the cost of not only your sanity, but physical health.
Personally for me, rests were saviors of my art journey and sometimes even elevated the experience. I came back to better art after few weeks of rest and it just feels awesome to draw with regained fresh look! I don't know how to explain this, but I think its all because that hard work I done which lead to better neuron connections maybe?
So just do them. Living in world of high results in short times make nasty shit with our mind. Just slow down and witness your art getting better because of better focus you got from a good fucking chill time.
In conclusion, I glad to say that your reached the bottom of this text! I hope it gonna be helpful to some, but even if not, I glad I wrote it down as it was mostly the processing of what actually felt like something of help to my pretty messed up brain. Maybe it help yours too! Just give it a damn try <3
Getting closer to 1 year milestone of doing social pages I wanted to talk about art more: how it changed for me, how I "improved" and what I done for it. These aspect mean a lot for me because they usually bound to me trough how I feel about myself as a person and stuff I gone trough in previous months if not years. I don't like the feeling of my art feeling stale for me as I, understandably, don't wanna burn out of it, so getting to know how the learning process works can be really helpful.
Disclaimer, I don't sell the solution - I just share my experiences. What worked for me might not work for you! There is nothing wrong with not understanding my stances, because I could say the same about yours, but they meant to be shared because the collective knowledge might lead us if not for truth, but the database of ideas to choose from. Let's begin.
Everything looks the same...
Before discovering myself as furry artist the art routine was always the same: open Krita, doodle thing by using that one brush I found cool 2 years ago and close it 30 minute later... Not really fun workflow, right? Me repeating one thing all over again once in awhile and not really challenging myself. For years I was drawing like that and I clearly can see why I wasn't improving that much... Also no wonder I took multiple half year hiatuses, damn.
It's nothing wrong to do one thing, and work one way, and use that brush you like. Tbh, if you want to master something, you encouraged to do that! But give yourself room to wiggle in. Try coloring your thing for once, switch brush, learn about some program function, etc. etc.. If you incorporate it in your art routine you might find how many things you were missing on by just not trying new ways of expressing yourself. Who knows where you can finally find your true self.
Scary mistakes
Trying new stuff can be terrifying. It especially true to people who decided to show their art on social media.
What they gonna think? What if this shit?? What if I am shitty artist???
You definitely not that shitty as you think and thats why. Learning is the process that comes from practice and if we hold that practice by our fears and anxieties we never gonna learn how to do a thing! It not only applies to art, but for every stuff you learn ranging from washing dishes to leading mutual aid organizations. Yes, things range in fear factor, but you definitely not dealing with dozens of people money aids and their personal security...
Let's think for a second, about mutual aid. If this area exist then it means people working there faced their fears and now practice how to be better in field they love work at. As you, who, hopefully, really like to draw furry porn...or something else... well! <3
But for art to be "well" you should definitely need to see mistakes down the road, soooo do them! Do as many as you please. I believe with time you can turn these mistakes in something that calls to you and people who enjoy your art.
"Build it 1st, you can make it pretty later"
From experience, I never called it fear of trying new things, but rather my laziness, but the principle the same. Thankfully for certain painful life circumstances I was faced with fear and breaking this barrier really lead me towards active search for what I can do with my life situation. Even if it just tiny bit it was worth of to me. Art came as a savior for a time and getting gentle pushes from my friends really lead me to doing something, rather then nothing.
What is it even for?
Answer yourself - why you draw? Give it multiple answers, try to think of something that resonates most with you. Didn't you notice that it actually really hard question to answer and I can assure you - you are not alone.
We as humans change once in awhile. Few years ago we are rebellious teens and now we are less rebellious hetero couple with 2 children to care about (can't be us in this economy or with our sexual orientation, but lets pretend). Our views on the world forever changing. Once bright world full of colors changed into grim dark agelord doomer one with all these wars and failed governments...or transforms to something else entirely...but still with wars and failed governments! That what makes us humans after all.
Does it mean we can't answer this question based on things above at all? We can always try, but I think it is the last thing you want to worry about, because they tend to touch on subject matter of finished work rather then something rough and unfinished. So I'll give you more compacted list, that might help you:
1) Do you draw what you love to draw?;
2) Do you enjoy the process of art?;
3) Do you like to share your work with other people and connect over it?
They are fairly simple and you can adjust easily to any of them. Hate drawing damn twinks and always liked to draw buff men? Go ahead. Don't like how brush works? Do research on this subject. Want to befriend that cool artist you inspired by? Try to improve, get their mentorship and bond in the process. Answer truly and may you find truths that personally suits you.
Make them friends, damnit!
Joking about that idol of an artist you have, you expect them to be something unreachable. Something that only "art elites" can talk to. But oh wow, they usually just...people. Of bone and blood, and usually same freakiness that you have. Getting in touch with multiple of them proved me that and now I share this knowledge with you.
Don't be an asshole. People find fast that you are there not for them as human beings, but walking counter of followers that maybe gonna repost your work to boost you. Show them your art, show them how much you like them big dicks and bulges, help them when they need you and don't expect anything in return. Treat them as humans and they will treat your art accordingly.
But this is comes to artist friends, what about people who only held pen for school essays before Word became a thing? Same. They give you same benefits as your fellow cool artists if not better sometimes. The more perspectives on life you have, the more cool art you gonna do, isn't it simple!
We are social creatures. We like to share what we done. And I believe that it really crucial to our journey as an artist and I believe your friends make your art better.
Rest. Rest. Rest
At last I want to touch something that not a lot of people can measure for themselves.
Resting is really crucial for our development, because stressed body just doesn't work at full capacity. It is really tempting to draw every day for 8 hours for maximum gains, but you do it at the cost of not only your sanity, but physical health.
Personally for me, rests were saviors of my art journey and sometimes even elevated the experience. I came back to better art after few weeks of rest and it just feels awesome to draw with regained fresh look! I don't know how to explain this, but I think its all because that hard work I done which lead to better neuron connections maybe?
So just do them. Living in world of high results in short times make nasty shit with our mind. Just slow down and witness your art getting better because of better focus you got from a good fucking chill time.
In conclusion, I glad to say that your reached the bottom of this text! I hope it gonna be helpful to some, but even if not, I glad I wrote it down as it was mostly the processing of what actually felt like something of help to my pretty messed up brain. Maybe it help yours too! Just give it a damn try <3
About adult stuff
Posted 5 months agoOkay, in few months from now I can celebrate my 1st ever drawn dick! And as a treat from my brain (which not really relates to statement in 1st sentence), I got a thought to talk about adult content, my experiences with it and how I personally changed in terms of drawing and interacting with certain aspects of healthy adult life. Its gonna be a ride, so slip your dildos out, unlock your cages and put away your fetish gear...or not!...and get ready for maybe fun, maybe serious discussion on furry porn art and adult stuff in general!
PART 1 PRELUDE
So, my life as an artist started not from the young age. I started drawing around 5 years ago, when I was 19 y.o., so there were no way that I would even thought of drawing hot naked men or women (tbh with you, only men) until fairly recently, like almost year ago or so? My way of interacting with adult content not always was from point of creating, but mostly consuming it. So how it was...or rather how it started?
Holiday, family running around to get ready for dinner, a lot of noises, a lot of tasty odors. And little me, sitting in front of computer in middle of all that chaos. I remember I was playing some flash games, I think? But one got my attention. People at some kind of show? Naked? Why they naked? Curiosity took a hold and I clicked on it.
Remembering now, I think they were some kind of celebrities of that era. It was some quiz show and because either stupid me or the fact it was in English, which at 9-10 y.o. I never had an experience with, I was just mushing buttons and at some point...why they bump at each other? Why they do weird noises? Back then it was funny for me and, I think, when my mom was passing by I either interrupted her to look at these funny people or she just noticed it herself. Obviously, she hastily screamed at me to turn it off and never turn it again. While being upset for out-of-blue yell, I played a little bit of more other games, then dinner started and we got to celebration of whatever it was.
But the spark set a wood on slow burn mode, I started being curious about what I saw. Pretty fast, I discovered that this site had a whole dedicated adult section (wow! late 00's were wild indeed!) and the wheel started spinning without an end...and I hope it will never stop. really.
PART 2 ROAD TO WEIRD SHIT...TROUGH OTHER WEIRD SHIT!
Thanking my mom again for sparking that curiosity, we shifting to fun part - experiences with adult content while growing up!
Wow, it sure was a personal ride for me! I saw a LOT OF SHIT. Nasty or tasty, normal or weird, human or monster AF. If you gonna show me something unconventional, but still relatively "normal", I will say nothing, because I most likely saw some form of it before, of whatever you sent my way. As long its not illegal the most I gonna say "weird shit dude, but continue what you doing I guess".
As the result of uncontrolled internet access and lack of sexual education I developed a bunch of tastes for things that a lot of people outside of kink community (aka normies) will name "borderline crazy and gross". Will I talk about them? Sorry, not here! I have and cherish them, but until I feel comfy with drawing certain stuff, you will not get a glimpse in what I'm into. Or maybe you already getting some? I dunno. really! I'm trying to break wall further with every piece I make, so maybe there are something to notice, but you will be never sure, even me sometimes~
Anyway, back to teen years, yeah. It was bumpy but fun ride, which thankfully wasn't affected by my parents! Keeping this in mind, I had a bunch of room to experiment with what I was watching.
Years after years, porn video after porn comic you slowly start noticing what you like and what you don't. You start judge some parts of yourself, or rather doubt it. Your preferences shift, you start looking at certain stuff more often. You start noticing patterns and...am I gay?
Wow! Can't be, I'm just liking looking at woman getting fucked! Lemme click on this orc fucking some blond woman. I definitely done it not because of his beautiful veiny huge cock, but this women getting railed by this stoic beast of a man~~...You get an idea :>
Doubts. Then eventual acceptance of what you look at. Then full acceptance of whatever you truly liked about this media.
It was easy for me and I wish it was being similar to everyone else to accept it to themselves. There were no noticeable cult of homophobia/"sex is sin" around me. Yeah, there were slip ups sometimes from my parents and they still happen, especially towards transgender people nowadays, but it never was something to be obsessed over? So even when me being closeted little quire man, I had (and have) a mental space to escape to and not really doubt my decisions that much. Oh, I like look at man, so I guess we looking at man for now. Oh, I like animal people from League of Legends and World of Warcraft, wonder how it feels like to be with them in one bed, lets discover it more...
Step by step, post by post on r34, with doubting and almost instantly accepting the fact of my personal preferences I came to forbidden of all forbidden fruits (or at least how it felt back then) - furry porn. Lets talk about it.
PART 3 FURRY PORN
If some of you noticed, I mentioned monsters earlier in this text. They are an essential part for me writing this shit up, so bare with me.
I like them a lot. It could've been whatever: minotaurs, werewolves, spiders, aliens, orcs, etc., etc.. The fact is that presence of them in any straight porn media I consumed made a lot for my little developing brain. It is essential for me, because without it I could never in my life get to whatever point I'm at today.
Yeah, for a bunch of people introduction to furry community gone through pretty chill stuff, like Disney movies or Zootopia for younger folk like me. Not saying this what most furries associate themselves with, but you get an idea: chill kid's oriented media with animal chars or something similar. Not me tho. My introduction to this...was from porn, aka those monster fellas who were relatively exciting for my little brain!
Eventually, I got to real furries and started consuming media in this filed and in this field only which is kinda weird, but in a good way!
You see, I'm not lying when furry porn is what I consume mostly all the time when it comes to adult content. But getting a bit in a future, I perceive it as human one. A lot more human in a way then an actual human porn. Maybe its lack of experience with IRL porn since early age or other acquired perspectives, but it feels more real? I cant really explain it in details, but I'll try to return to it later down the text (nah, we didnt)
So, that was...just furry porn. There were no fandom, as I was thinking of it as something cringe back then. Edgy nature and social pressure wasn't really helpful in being honest with myself, haha.
It dragged itself for years, until some changes happened in my life. They were not happy and I don't want really get into it, but I got into community eventually. Pretty fast too, Few months later after an "incident" I was finding myself in various furry groups. Fast self acceptance and such when there no pressure. You know, we talked about that :>
Eventually, met a lot of wonderful people, found real place in community, and here we are writing this part as a more healthier member of society!
"Beh, whateeeever...Your life experiences are cool and all, but where the art stuff? We were promised this too, you know?" Fair! We staring...NOW!
PART 4 FURRY PORN...THIS TIME OF MINE PRODUCTION!!!
Sooo, you know when I'm started...There were no furry until year ago, when I embraced it as my new form of identity. What I was drawing before was pretty normal chill stuff, mostly from imagination...mostly crude b/w sketches on paper or digitally.
It started the same with furries too, but pretty quickly with help of few newly acquired friends I got confidence to color...then to shade it...then for anatomy. It is happening so quickly that it really hard to say that the thing I drew year ago is from the same person, about which I really excited, because I feel how I improve...and all thanks to starting drawing what I love!
Anyway, down the road...it was pretty noticeable where I will arrive. Naked torsos, tight underwear, you know? Borderline NSWF, but not enough for that. What it lacked? Dicks!
I drew my 1st dick around June-July of last year. It was...calm? Nothing crazy, just doggo dude playing with his peenar a bit. It was, exciting feeling? It was weird mostly, because I done it for 1st time, but cool. But this 1st time was enough to open Pandora box for an entirety of next year.
What I learned drawing adult art for all this months? Being in acceptance with my own self and what I like. I'm not drawing something out of hand, my stuff is pretty normal for furry standards. But piece by piece this barrier become thinner and thinner and I see myself (with enough art experience) delve into far deeper pits of my own pleasure.
It was fun year for drawing, It was fun year for knowing myself better. But...what all of this actually mean?
PART 5 CONCLUSION
It hard to say. It was promised that I would talk about adult stuff in general, but...I cant really say more...kinda. I shared my life experiences, but you have yours. In the end what I can conclude is that you not weirder then me, or me weirder then you, We are just different.
We dealt with a lot of bullshit while growing up and still ended up on this site, isn't it ironic? But I think, we done pretty good job.
In last year, personally, I changed a lot. My preferences, sexuality, kinks, human interactions...all of this were challenged by me and others and revaluated multiple times. And adult stuff definitely helped with it a lot. Me telling my story is part of this experience and telling you that you no more or less of freak then me is kinda...cool!
This text not really meant to raise big questions rather just revaluate my...or maybe even yours experiences.
Anyway: be freak, stay freak and make world freakier. We deserve to be happy, even in our little worlds, even if it just inside of hour heads. Just don't forget that we are humans, that whatever knotted veiny dick of a werewolf you saw on internet is done by one too.
No morals here, just go an jerk off on that piece you really like and share it, so author will feel happy about it. Peace, you freaks, love ya all <3
PART 1 PRELUDE
So, my life as an artist started not from the young age. I started drawing around 5 years ago, when I was 19 y.o., so there were no way that I would even thought of drawing hot naked men or women (tbh with you, only men) until fairly recently, like almost year ago or so? My way of interacting with adult content not always was from point of creating, but mostly consuming it. So how it was...or rather how it started?
Holiday, family running around to get ready for dinner, a lot of noises, a lot of tasty odors. And little me, sitting in front of computer in middle of all that chaos. I remember I was playing some flash games, I think? But one got my attention. People at some kind of show? Naked? Why they naked? Curiosity took a hold and I clicked on it.
Remembering now, I think they were some kind of celebrities of that era. It was some quiz show and because either stupid me or the fact it was in English, which at 9-10 y.o. I never had an experience with, I was just mushing buttons and at some point...why they bump at each other? Why they do weird noises? Back then it was funny for me and, I think, when my mom was passing by I either interrupted her to look at these funny people or she just noticed it herself. Obviously, she hastily screamed at me to turn it off and never turn it again. While being upset for out-of-blue yell, I played a little bit of more other games, then dinner started and we got to celebration of whatever it was.
But the spark set a wood on slow burn mode, I started being curious about what I saw. Pretty fast, I discovered that this site had a whole dedicated adult section (wow! late 00's were wild indeed!) and the wheel started spinning without an end...and I hope it will never stop. really.
PART 2 ROAD TO WEIRD SHIT...TROUGH OTHER WEIRD SHIT!
Thanking my mom again for sparking that curiosity, we shifting to fun part - experiences with adult content while growing up!
Wow, it sure was a personal ride for me! I saw a LOT OF SHIT. Nasty or tasty, normal or weird, human or monster AF. If you gonna show me something unconventional, but still relatively "normal", I will say nothing, because I most likely saw some form of it before, of whatever you sent my way. As long its not illegal the most I gonna say "weird shit dude, but continue what you doing I guess".
As the result of uncontrolled internet access and lack of sexual education I developed a bunch of tastes for things that a lot of people outside of kink community (aka normies) will name "borderline crazy and gross". Will I talk about them? Sorry, not here! I have and cherish them, but until I feel comfy with drawing certain stuff, you will not get a glimpse in what I'm into. Or maybe you already getting some? I dunno. really! I'm trying to break wall further with every piece I make, so maybe there are something to notice, but you will be never sure, even me sometimes~
Anyway, back to teen years, yeah. It was bumpy but fun ride, which thankfully wasn't affected by my parents! Keeping this in mind, I had a bunch of room to experiment with what I was watching.
Years after years, porn video after porn comic you slowly start noticing what you like and what you don't. You start judge some parts of yourself, or rather doubt it. Your preferences shift, you start looking at certain stuff more often. You start noticing patterns and...am I gay?
Wow! Can't be, I'm just liking looking at woman getting fucked! Lemme click on this orc fucking some blond woman. I definitely done it not because of his beautiful veiny huge cock, but this women getting railed by this stoic beast of a man~~...You get an idea :>
Doubts. Then eventual acceptance of what you look at. Then full acceptance of whatever you truly liked about this media.
It was easy for me and I wish it was being similar to everyone else to accept it to themselves. There were no noticeable cult of homophobia/"sex is sin" around me. Yeah, there were slip ups sometimes from my parents and they still happen, especially towards transgender people nowadays, but it never was something to be obsessed over? So even when me being closeted little quire man, I had (and have) a mental space to escape to and not really doubt my decisions that much. Oh, I like look at man, so I guess we looking at man for now. Oh, I like animal people from League of Legends and World of Warcraft, wonder how it feels like to be with them in one bed, lets discover it more...
Step by step, post by post on r34, with doubting and almost instantly accepting the fact of my personal preferences I came to forbidden of all forbidden fruits (or at least how it felt back then) - furry porn. Lets talk about it.
PART 3 FURRY PORN
If some of you noticed, I mentioned monsters earlier in this text. They are an essential part for me writing this shit up, so bare with me.
I like them a lot. It could've been whatever: minotaurs, werewolves, spiders, aliens, orcs, etc., etc.. The fact is that presence of them in any straight porn media I consumed made a lot for my little developing brain. It is essential for me, because without it I could never in my life get to whatever point I'm at today.
Yeah, for a bunch of people introduction to furry community gone through pretty chill stuff, like Disney movies or Zootopia for younger folk like me. Not saying this what most furries associate themselves with, but you get an idea: chill kid's oriented media with animal chars or something similar. Not me tho. My introduction to this...was from porn, aka those monster fellas who were relatively exciting for my little brain!
Eventually, I got to real furries and started consuming media in this filed and in this field only which is kinda weird, but in a good way!
You see, I'm not lying when furry porn is what I consume mostly all the time when it comes to adult content. But getting a bit in a future, I perceive it as human one. A lot more human in a way then an actual human porn. Maybe its lack of experience with IRL porn since early age or other acquired perspectives, but it feels more real? I cant really explain it in details, but I'll try to return to it later down the text (nah, we didnt)
So, that was...just furry porn. There were no fandom, as I was thinking of it as something cringe back then. Edgy nature and social pressure wasn't really helpful in being honest with myself, haha.
It dragged itself for years, until some changes happened in my life. They were not happy and I don't want really get into it, but I got into community eventually. Pretty fast too, Few months later after an "incident" I was finding myself in various furry groups. Fast self acceptance and such when there no pressure. You know, we talked about that :>
Eventually, met a lot of wonderful people, found real place in community, and here we are writing this part as a more healthier member of society!
"Beh, whateeeever...Your life experiences are cool and all, but where the art stuff? We were promised this too, you know?" Fair! We staring...NOW!
PART 4 FURRY PORN...THIS TIME OF MINE PRODUCTION!!!
Sooo, you know when I'm started...There were no furry until year ago, when I embraced it as my new form of identity. What I was drawing before was pretty normal chill stuff, mostly from imagination...mostly crude b/w sketches on paper or digitally.
It started the same with furries too, but pretty quickly with help of few newly acquired friends I got confidence to color...then to shade it...then for anatomy. It is happening so quickly that it really hard to say that the thing I drew year ago is from the same person, about which I really excited, because I feel how I improve...and all thanks to starting drawing what I love!
Anyway, down the road...it was pretty noticeable where I will arrive. Naked torsos, tight underwear, you know? Borderline NSWF, but not enough for that. What it lacked? Dicks!
I drew my 1st dick around June-July of last year. It was...calm? Nothing crazy, just doggo dude playing with his peenar a bit. It was, exciting feeling? It was weird mostly, because I done it for 1st time, but cool. But this 1st time was enough to open Pandora box for an entirety of next year.
What I learned drawing adult art for all this months? Being in acceptance with my own self and what I like. I'm not drawing something out of hand, my stuff is pretty normal for furry standards. But piece by piece this barrier become thinner and thinner and I see myself (with enough art experience) delve into far deeper pits of my own pleasure.
It was fun year for drawing, It was fun year for knowing myself better. But...what all of this actually mean?
PART 5 CONCLUSION
It hard to say. It was promised that I would talk about adult stuff in general, but...I cant really say more...kinda. I shared my life experiences, but you have yours. In the end what I can conclude is that you not weirder then me, or me weirder then you, We are just different.
We dealt with a lot of bullshit while growing up and still ended up on this site, isn't it ironic? But I think, we done pretty good job.
In last year, personally, I changed a lot. My preferences, sexuality, kinks, human interactions...all of this were challenged by me and others and revaluated multiple times. And adult stuff definitely helped with it a lot. Me telling my story is part of this experience and telling you that you no more or less of freak then me is kinda...cool!
This text not really meant to raise big questions rather just revaluate my...or maybe even yours experiences.
Anyway: be freak, stay freak and make world freakier. We deserve to be happy, even in our little worlds, even if it just inside of hour heads. Just don't forget that we are humans, that whatever knotted veiny dick of a werewolf you saw on internet is done by one too.
No morals here, just go an jerk off on that piece you really like and share it, so author will feel happy about it. Peace, you freaks, love ya all <3
Pain sucks, you know?
Posted 9 months agoCW: s*dal ideations
This is even better place to write it here in comparison to Bluesky. Not like my page there is not dead also, but at least it feels much better to write big ass text here then there. So let's begin!
It just my cry in the void, nothing more nothing less. I don't really expect people to respond (not like I want it anyway), but sometimes I feel like to write down what I feel at the moment. Never really materialized it on paper (or in this case on furry oriented site) before, but 1st try is still something I guess.
You read the title, pain sucks. I'm in pain right now, while writing this somewhat pointless text. My butt cheeks hurt because I sit on really hard chair, my spine hurts because I sit like a shrimp. But it doesn't compare to how it hurts to just thinking. It's not something new really, from time to time I become really sad, pump myself with sadpianomusic.mp3 and I start thinking about how it feels to die and how people gonna react to it.
Really huge jump, isn't it? Don't worry though, I somewhat know how to deal with it, so no *redacted* gonna happen to me, I assure you, non-existent reader! But what doesn't change is how painful these evenings are for me. I want to draw, hang out with people, at least DM with them, but brain says "No, this evening you gonna cry like a little baby and feel existential crisis all over again for few hours, I sure it will help you more!". That sucks, this self afflicted pain sucks. And you know what? It kinda deserved to begin with, I would even say it sponsored by my poor life decisions that left a lot of scaring that never got any treatment. Man, it gets worse and worse with each word, but what is the point?
There is none how I said, this is the pointless text. Pain sucks. The least I can think of right now is how I can do it without harming myself even more. Force a game on myself, force some drawing finally, do a pointless voice call, sleep? Escape, escape, escape and once again escape. I always can use substances, but I have enough evidence that it gonna make me more of a monster then someone who feel escaped from reality. The monster to myself and people who surround me.
What I know, I gonna wake up tomorrow and day gonna repeat itself. The only thing I can hope for is that I'm not gonna feel sad. Not gonna think of terrible things. I done too much in last year to lose it because I feel sad.
You know what, I gonna end it here. Me feeling like this doesn't mean you need to "pat me on my head" and say that "everything gonna be fine". You know it, most likely it not gonna be better, the best thing in near future for me is to feel less of a pain then I usually feel on daily basis. This is why I don't go with this to other people in their DM's. They are like me. They are feel pain like me. And me doing a favor of making their day worse because "friend feels like shit today" and forcing them on activities I mentioned earlier in this paragraph, which I HATE, won't be really a good idea neither for them nor for me.
This is why this journal exist, so people could decide if they want to engage with it or not. I know that maybe at least one person gonna do this, but even to you, who just randomly decided to check how life of random person on internet is going, I'll say thank you. I appreciate it a lot, that means you both care, I guess? At least interested lol :D
Now It's the real end. I feel a lot better as the result of writing it. Whoever you are, you made my night. Take care!
PS: More furry men coming! Me having bad days all the time doesn't mean I hate to draw them >:3 Don't know when, but they coming!...what?
This is even better place to write it here in comparison to Bluesky. Not like my page there is not dead also, but at least it feels much better to write big ass text here then there. So let's begin!
It just my cry in the void, nothing more nothing less. I don't really expect people to respond (not like I want it anyway), but sometimes I feel like to write down what I feel at the moment. Never really materialized it on paper (or in this case on furry oriented site) before, but 1st try is still something I guess.
You read the title, pain sucks. I'm in pain right now, while writing this somewhat pointless text. My butt cheeks hurt because I sit on really hard chair, my spine hurts because I sit like a shrimp. But it doesn't compare to how it hurts to just thinking. It's not something new really, from time to time I become really sad, pump myself with sadpianomusic.mp3 and I start thinking about how it feels to die and how people gonna react to it.
Really huge jump, isn't it? Don't worry though, I somewhat know how to deal with it, so no *redacted* gonna happen to me, I assure you, non-existent reader! But what doesn't change is how painful these evenings are for me. I want to draw, hang out with people, at least DM with them, but brain says "No, this evening you gonna cry like a little baby and feel existential crisis all over again for few hours, I sure it will help you more!". That sucks, this self afflicted pain sucks. And you know what? It kinda deserved to begin with, I would even say it sponsored by my poor life decisions that left a lot of scaring that never got any treatment. Man, it gets worse and worse with each word, but what is the point?
There is none how I said, this is the pointless text. Pain sucks. The least I can think of right now is how I can do it without harming myself even more. Force a game on myself, force some drawing finally, do a pointless voice call, sleep? Escape, escape, escape and once again escape. I always can use substances, but I have enough evidence that it gonna make me more of a monster then someone who feel escaped from reality. The monster to myself and people who surround me.
What I know, I gonna wake up tomorrow and day gonna repeat itself. The only thing I can hope for is that I'm not gonna feel sad. Not gonna think of terrible things. I done too much in last year to lose it because I feel sad.
You know what, I gonna end it here. Me feeling like this doesn't mean you need to "pat me on my head" and say that "everything gonna be fine". You know it, most likely it not gonna be better, the best thing in near future for me is to feel less of a pain then I usually feel on daily basis. This is why I don't go with this to other people in their DM's. They are like me. They are feel pain like me. And me doing a favor of making their day worse because "friend feels like shit today" and forcing them on activities I mentioned earlier in this paragraph, which I HATE, won't be really a good idea neither for them nor for me.
This is why this journal exist, so people could decide if they want to engage with it or not. I know that maybe at least one person gonna do this, but even to you, who just randomly decided to check how life of random person on internet is going, I'll say thank you. I appreciate it a lot, that means you both care, I guess? At least interested lol :D
Now It's the real end. I feel a lot better as the result of writing it. Whoever you are, you made my night. Take care!
PS: More furry men coming! Me having bad days all the time doesn't mean I hate to draw them >:3 Don't know when, but they coming!...what?
