Hey yall,

I obvs done have many watchers not being an artist and all but this bitch likes to talk.

Today is my first day on hormones! I'm hoping to find a new commision to get mah girl remade!

Anywho, titty skittles away!


~z

Over the past few years I've really reflected on my life, my actions, my desires, and my sexuality. I'm very much NOT straight. Super bisexual or pan or whatever.

I've always erred on the side of femininity, the same tests i take show my lean as well. Looking back at my life I've always had a propensity for nail polish, softer toys/clothing/etc. I really preferred house, fashion, and dolls over traditional masculine things. I did still enjoy leading, being a boyscout, doing fires and camping but I always secretly wanted to be with the girls.

I'm questioning my own gender and I may in fact be trans but I don't know that I can ever come out to my family or friends. Society scares the fuck out of me with violence, rising bigotry, and hatred.

I'm trying to start towards being more of a femboy maybe? Is that the gateway? Do i feel safer there because I've seen it? Fuck this anxiety...

Apparently Cis people rarely question or hang on this question for as long as I have. So... i mean maybe something there.

Anywho, work's great! I may be commissioning a more feminine foxy to be more me. I just hope i don't lost my partner over my brain's nonsense! Also... i want this anxiety to stop.


Thanks for coming to a fox rant! <3

I find myself oddly growing into some kinks that my partners like. I used to hate knife play. Now? I actually think its pretty sexy (even the blood).

Same went for Hyper cocks and muscle bods (curse you Koda you sexy gryphon you).

Anyone else every experience this?




I'm secretly praying my partner gets more into WS and my CD/Sissy play.

So I don't use this much and I know a ton of people don't look at it. That's okay. It benefits me that most people don't know me here. Really does. So apologies in advance for the sad thoughts.


On Saturday, I was out at a LARP (nerd) with some friends. It was the big end of the campaign event with 60+ people involved and an epic story with such a finisher that I actually tried to skip but people paid for me to be there just so I wouldn't miss out. With us was our friend who's name will be withheld and called K.

K was older than me by about 13 years. He lived a fast paced life earlyon and didn't have much luck but damn his outlook, energy, and passion. When first met, he was kind of standard 'manly man conservative' didn't care for the gays, making gay jokes and dissing trans and the usual. But what struck me was that he changed. He was approached by a few of us as LGBTQ ourselves and instead of being angry dismissive or a dick? He made every effort to change. He was the only man I have ever seen change in such a grand way who wasn't young.

He joined an organization and my house therin as a primary founder, moreso than I. I'm busy working 7 days a week busting my ass to get a minute of peace and then I have no money to show for it as a typical millenial aught to. But I was here and there making efforts where I could. But he was always present. Whenever a friend was doing something he'd find a way to be a part of it. He took his time to help my other friends out of bad places when he, himself, was not in an ideal situation. What a guy, huh?

On Saturday, we were all LARPing. He came as an NPC to help end the game right fighting and having fun, always going out and above and beyond. He was smiling and happy. Halfway through the fight I can't remember seeing him again. I can't remember him every leaving early due to fatigue, always pushing beyond. He left with another friend (closer) and we found at 9pm, he had died.

No signs. No power to stop it. He died. His heart gave out somehow and he just stopped being.

This is so painful to me and it shouldn't be. I've known him as a community member for 10 years. He was fun to be around and went above an beyond. He loved me and being around me as a friend who you could count on. But I never thought of him much beyond. I wasn't hugely talkative or outreaching. There are so many more people who knew him more than me outside of the games and parties.

But now I feel such sadness that I'm trying to ignore for betterment of others. I'm trying to help others and keep myself on track with my new job. Even though I can't say I'm closer than anyone to him, hell I may be one of the further relationship points, I keep getting sudden pangs of sadness and extreme overpowering emotion that takes every ounce of effort to recallibrate to my norm.

I never cry over the dead. They're gone. Those that remain deserve our time and love and care. Don't mourn the dead but mourn the living for they are in pain. Why, then, do I feel like this? It doesn't make sense and all I want to do is be weak and cry and weep and snotty and lay down in my blanket held by anyone.

But I don't. I carry on. I have a new job I need to learn and make perfect.

May the spirits on our Earth take K into the world and embrace him. May they provide his life to another and may they grant all of us strength and courage going on. I plead the Spirits take his enthusiasm, his energy, and his openness to learn from something he didn't know, to correct his wrongs into the world and let others follow his image.


This weekend is his main LARP. I work there. I'll put on my smile and his favorite character I made and his best memory of me as I remember him. I'll be the pillar of joy and stability for the community for now. And when I am able, I will weep. I will cry. I will lay down.



Thank you for reading if you did. I understand I don't post much, I don't engage the communities. But as the world turns, turn to each other and express your love. Smile and live in your own passed memories that those who are gone will be remembered and honored.

~z

Hey all!

Im moving out of my current situation soon which has everything included in my rent...

Im looking for tips on living alone with the SO and with electric heat...

Hi! Hows everyone been?

So Lifes been crazy for me. New things, old things, and realizing new fetishes/kinks and stuff. My GF supports most of them though so.. yays!

I've been feeling a little more fem here and there(looking at my faves, DUH!) and I need some tips. I wanna look sexy and fem and stuff but I havnt a clue how to look a little more passable. So i'm wondering who has some tips for a foxy with such a wide range of desires. I mean I love muscle, I love chubby(like in my partners i think its cute but not into food or nothing), I love being manly, and I love being femmy. So yeah.. any tips? Ideas?

The spelling may be off but theres a furry con in Boston like this weekend!

LOoks like a lot of fun if anyone goes hope to see pics and welcome to Mass!

Hey guys me again. Well i totaled my car. I'm going to miss it.. but with the winter comes danger. be very careful out there... i'm looking for help now. I hope some of you wouldnt mind sending me good will and vibes. Thank you.


http://www.gofundme.com/5u8lbk

~A disrought fox

Hey guys me again. Well i totaled my car. I'm going to miss it.. but with the winter comes danger. be very careful out there... i'm looking for help now. I hope some of you wouldnt mind sending me good will and vibes. Thank you.


http://funds.gofundme.com/index.php.....amp;url=5u8lbk

~A disrought fox

So Im in my last yr of undergrad for Psychology. Life's getting a bit more stressful than expected but I just need to relax.

On the up an'up, I've been going to the gym 3x a week for a month and people can see the difference. I dropped weight from May (235lbs) to Sept (199lbs). Now, Oct (207.7lbs).... I'm told that is probably muscle and I'll roll with it. Gotta eat a bit more better but when stress gets ya down, eat a cookiee and be happy. Working out is physical and psychological, so cheating isnt always bad.

I'm down to a size 34 pants after being almost size 40, and fit large shirts with general ease.

Still working on my tummy and moobs. Damn things.. my legs and arms are looking fiiine.

If I wasnt so concerned about who sees my FA, I'd post RL pics lol.

Anyways, thats the Fox for ya'll.

Remember: Bigger can be better.

So i flew for the first time ever, and at the same time it was the first trip ever alone! AND! it was the first time for me to meet new people..outside of my new england home.

I loved it. Had a good amount of fun and more importantly did something i'd wanted to do since almost 4 yrs ago.

Thank you,
you know who you are <3

So i've been learning to sew with a damned machine. I hate it.. it keeps clogging and drives me nuts. But i'll continue fiddling and learning when im done exams (next week).

I've been working out a lot more in recent months, lost about 20lbs. Eating salads and all that while doing some decent workouts! Getting more muscle too. Hell yeah! Just in time for my summer adventures!

I'm very excited for the summer, not only will it lead to my last yr of college (i'm going to be a super senior of pysch), but I'll have more time to learn how to sew, workout, and I'm finally doing something i've been dying to to do for YEARS. (bout 3ish to be exact)..

:3

ANYWAYS, whats new with ya'll? Any tips and tricks for the above mentioned shoot me a line. Or just send warm hellos! --Time for class hooray. NOT.

Deuces.

Becuase I know a lot of you are nerds but even more are amazing artists and crafters....


I'm a terrible sewer/crafter/finder.

I'm looking for an outfit, blue and white, to be a samurai-esque character for a larp,


Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!


with love,

Z

So i've been on a pretty intense(for me at least) workout regiment with a diet plan to keep low calories and eat loads of salad. (replace at least 1 meal a day with a salad instead).

The first three months it was my initial just round meal diet, Too much pasta + 30 min workout every weekday seemed to do nothing but did get my biceps bigger and got my 10 pushups to groups of 20.

So three weeks ago I went to the doctors. Apparently I gained 3 pounds over the first few months. Thats when I decided to get harder about it. Two weeks into my new diet thing, I dropped 13lbs. (this was while larping and eating less than perfect foods). I upped my workout to 1hr each day(with mondays being longer and sat+sunday being bout 1hr+ of cardio mixed with basics). I do 100 pushups or more each day, mixed cardio (running 15 flights of stairs up and down). I do about 60 situps each day if not more.

My arms look great(compared to what they used to) and I feel freakin' amazing. I am up to sets of 30 pushups (maxing at 35 with just a max set) and bought a jump rope. I lost no lbs over the week but think with the jump rope and pushing for more cardio, I'll be in good shape. I've also learned a new exercise! Dips. Put two chairs about your leg distance apart, push yourself up and off, dip for as many as you can! holy triceps.


If anyone has ideas on what to do, feel free to leave em. I'm open to suggestions.

For a quick thing;

I'm 219lbs (down from 233), 5'9" with a 36 waist pants size. I dont like going to the gym due to time and meatheads and I have no free weights.

Help me!

Watching Extreme Dinosaurs! AND street sharks! Man.. this brings me back

Reality bites us all in the ass sometimes.

Attempts to lose wieght and start excersising have failed cuz running psych experiments with six classes, AND work just leaves enough time to pay bills and sleep.

I, like most, love a life of fantasy. Its why we come here to these sites and others. The internet makes fantasies feel that much realer.

While this is true, fantasies I mean, it does bring the world closer together. Not in a physical or uniting way (the latter has some potential in minute instances), but in mind and spirit I suppose.

Anyways, bills, school, life. We, as humans, all have our problems and our stressors. I'm not saying i'm any different. But hey, it's a journel and most of you I've never met nor will so it has little direct and immediate effect on my ranting.

We want what we cannot have. We rarely want what we already have.

Just passed was thanksgiving. Lets be thankful for what we have... but never forget to want even that which you cannot have. Want, or desire, is a major motivation in life. It can lead to great things... or it can lead to sadness and short comings. (Is it half full.. or empty)

Anyways, take from my ramblings of a tired man; Want, love, live. But always remember that reality will always be here and sometimes it will check in on you. Don't let it destroy you but do not neglect it.


I am thankful for my friends, close and near. I am thankful for my family for accepting me as I am. I am thankful for having life's breath. And I am thankful for love from those who offer it.


Sorry for the rant, but I need an out. Some people have friends they talk to about deep issues. I'm that friend. Seems there's nowhere else to go, lol. Even a psychologist needs a psychologist

So i was going to a halloween party last night. It was going to be an 80s meets 20s in a time fusion. Was gonna be awesome! Me and friends were going as A-team!

We decided the trek was perfect to go along with the A-team's crazyness.

The borders to the city were shut down to non-residents to make snow clean up easier and safer.


So we turned around and drove the 45 min way back to my dorm. Ended up sipping some wine and watching the snow. Seriosuly.. is this halloween or january? about a foot of snow fell and people are out of power!!!

Sweet! Rift is actually a pretty awesome game. I'm a bard.

Cidniar. Shatterbone. Defiant!


If you were thinking about buying it i'd say its well worth it. Tons of customization and loads of like crazy good graphics.


Only problem: shards(servers) get full durring peak hours EST. But otherwise, I'm impressed.

Thanks everyone for the watches. <3

I wish i could thank each one of you but you're too many! :D <3


Just got my first full-form pic up. i think its amazing! uh-fucking-mazing if I may say so.




Life updates?

I live on campus, things are going alright. Money is tighter than a top male's ass...and well.. actually. things are pretty ok :)


good to see all of ypou new watchers <3 glad you like what you see

So..I've lost my phone do to overdue payments becuase I'm broke.

I owe 702 on a 700$ credit card.(about to wrack more fees)

Lets not go into what i owe my parents and school....


I've been 8 months without a job and its taking its toll on me. I need a job and any will do.



Hope all your lives are kickin' ass!

~Zeak

Update on life...

I've been bored out of mind and very poor. I need money so bad. I wish i could get like 600 bucks to help but...eh. maybe someone will hire me someday, ya know? heh

I spend so mich time online, i lose focus on other things. I should try and keep myself happy with what i go, but lord knows I'm a glutton for punishment ;p


New stories? Nah, been uninspired. Did some decent poetry on deviant art... under the name lordjt89

Without a job, I've been living purely upon luck and my parent's good natured help. Sucks, but i get by so far.

PLUS SIDE!! I lost 5lbs. 5 out of i think i wanna lose 20. Get down to 185ish and i'll be happy.

thanks for bothring yourselves with my journal. Have a foxie evening

Now for a curiosity of the fox:
Why is junk food and shit like 50 cents but an apple costs 1.10. O.o Apples take no energy to make! Trees make them...and they're tasty. Same with most all fruits and ANYTHING good for you.

I'm 21 now! whooo! Bring on the boooze!!!!!



if only I drank alot. lol. Nah, its epic funtimes now. I can go, buy my own rum and wine to cook with. I can share a drink with an army friend going off to war. Otherwise? Nothing else changes!

I'm on a mission. A mission of love. <3 lol

Well I'm still sitting back without a fucking job and it sucks hardcore. No inspiration to really write either. Schools coming to a close in 3 weeks, got finals for one of em. its going to suck too.

The good? Well...playing WoW got my warrior mostly geared at 80.

Wish I had a somone to cuddle with. :/ I hate the night I always feel like I'm more alone. (doesnt help that I'm infatuated with somone so far away UHG! all the good ones are lol :D <3 )

I'm bored enough, shoot me an IM or somthing! Peace.

~Z

My life is starting to take me into paths I really dont want to go down. In the end, I'll probably have already seen it coming.

I gave it a good run, I put my best to it. Thanks all for the stuff you've given me.

~Z