I didn't end up drawing ponies, though I'm sure I will in the future.

I haven't really started on my project yet. It's daunting so I don't blame myself. Info on some of the animals, then drawing. So far I only have info on the Abbott's Booby. I'm trying to recruit my roommate to help me with the task. ^_^

WARNING VENTING BELOW

I feel like shit. You know how when you're upset your body temperature rises? Well, mine is so high that I feel ill, which I know I'm not.

I have a mate, we're in an open relationship. We've been together for nearly seven years and we haven't had many problems. A few that were sorted quickly and effectively in the beginning. We set up ground rules so that we wouldn't hurt each other. But he did. Tried to keep me a secret from the other person, who was a friend of mine, which meant he was trying to make me lie. I made it clear that I had meant completely open. And we moved on.

I never got into a relationship with anyone, but while he was away a school, I slept with a few people, never really planned, and after I told him. Unbeknownst to me, this upset him. Strike one against not communicating. Recently we made some new friends in the local furry community. They joined our D&D games and it was fun. Then I showed an interest in the girl, and she in me. We messed around and then told me her husband was interested in me. I decided to talk with him, which ended up being sex, turns out we just lusted each other, perfectly normal. But then I find out that she and my mate are having sex, and my mate has been making excuses as to why sex with me is not something he wants to do since last July...

So I got made, because no one told me, no one checked to see if them being in a relationship was good for the friend dynamic. In a way, I felt betrayed. I had never started a relationship with anyone before, and whenever I thought about it, I always talked to my mate before doing anything.

Now he spends more time with her than with me. She loathes me. They both basically think I'm an asshole because around the same time that all of this started I was working a high stress job and had a loud, angry mental break down. I don't hide how I feel about everything, and I always have helpful ideas as to how to make this okay with everything. Like telling me before my mate goes off from basically waking up until it's basically time for bed. I'd I don't know, like to see him once in a while. Or calling me to let me know a really rough guess at when he might be home. I AM SO TIRED OF 'I DONT KNOW'...

They still play D&D with us, but when they come to the house her husband is the only one who says hello when I greet them with my hostess smile. I make sure to spend an hour pushing away my anger so we can play and then I get stubbed. And my mate says I'm being an asshole and that she doesn't have to acknowledge me. She's in MY house, playing a freaking game with me, how is that okay?

Friday was my birthday, and my mate had been telling me he was going to make me dinner and that I was going to love my birthday. So I find out that his plan was to take me over to her house, with no real way to leave, knowing full well that I don't feel comfortable there, invite over her other boyfriend, his wife and her husband's boyfriend for the only real guests to the party. All of which are not my friends. That is the normal guest list for one of her house parties, which she normally has on Fridays, that I am not invited to. Is it wrong for me to have called BS?

I had to fight with him to move the party to our larger more furniture full apartment, like literally yelling and being hung up on a lot. I told him repeated they these people weren't my friends and I didn't want them at my party. What does he tell me? 'You need to make some friends.' Like I don't have friends. At which point I started to consider that he has stopping paying attention to anything that doesn't involve him. How could he not know who my best friends are? I'm very obvious about it.

My mate and she ended up spending all morning up until 3pm doing goodness only knows what while I sat home alone, bored. Then they plus her husband took me to Wendy's, they they were off again to some guys house to take our car to get fixed, as though they couldn't have done it later, or another day. So her husband and I with a friend of mine whome my mate dislikes went to Main Event for bowling. I actually had fun for the first 2 hours with several of my friends and her husband who I still consider a friend of sorts. Then he got text from his wife saying they were there. Twenty minutes later they finally showed up. The miscommunication of them finally making it to the guys house pissed me off and the rest of the night, while my mate basically ignored me in favor of her, which I told him was something he did and I didn't want him doing if she was going to be at my birthday party, I had a crappy time.

We went back to the house later than I wanted, didn't eat dinner until 10pm because of cooking times. He had her help him, while I sat in the living room not enjoying myself at all. Then instead of sitting with me to eat, he sat next to her. Then we were done eating, they hung out some more while I sat hating my life.

I realize that when someone is in a bad mood, no one really wants to hang with them. But honestly, the bad mood could have been avoided with people I didn't want being there, I don't know, not being there. Or he could NOT ignored me at bowling and then the house. Asked me to help with cooking or offered me the oven to make the cake. Which I wanted to do, even if he stopped my friend buying the cake mix and frosting I told him to buy for me and then bought me a cake I liked, not the cake I had been looking forward to for at least a week.

His response? You should have told me the right cake. Because I totally wanted two Devil's Food cake mixes... not to mention he would have bought chocolate frosting or something like it when I wanted to try it with a cream cheese icing.

I barely slept that night, so upset was I. I had work the next morning, so I basically had a horrible Saturday as well. Worse of all, he doesn't understand that I had the worst birthday ever because he didn't listen and won't just say sorry or try to make up for it. He says I should stop complaining because at least he tried, which I have pointed out A LOT that it sure doesn't look like it to me.

Am I wrong? Should I be saying sorry for not appreciating the wonderfully horrid time that I had thanks to his ideas? Is it possible for someone to be so stupid they don't understand that enemies are not who you invite to your birthday party when there is a loathing there?

END RANT

Not going to lie, even if no one responds, I feel a bit better. Earlier I felt so upset I might have been sick. Glad that's over.

I hope you're all having a much better time of it than me.

<3 Dust

I'm going to be doodling ponies like crazy this week. I sounds like way too much fun to not to. ^_^

Want to do art trades?

I've been a little downtrodden recently so to help pick myself back up and give my life a little purpose I'm starting a little project.

In Alphabetical order I am going to draw a piece of art for each endangered species of animal on the planet. I will have a small introduction for the animal. Will give them all names, and will tell you all a little bit about their lives and their plight as well as when they were put on the list.

Each submission will have a link to Earth's Endangered Creatures website where you can find information on donating.

Then, once I'm done with a few, I'm going to start an auction on the traditional works. All proceeds will go to The Jane Goodall Institute and Earth's Endangered Creatures equally.

Want to see the extent of my project?
http://www.earthsendangered.com/list.asp

Saturday nights are always a little hectic. My roommates and I host a D&D game at our apartment from 4pm on. On top of that, whenever it's Dr. Who season I have to fight for a break at the right time for the right about of time to catch the show. Trying to watch it online is almost impossible when you don't live in the U.K. So yeah.

So that's what I'm up to today. That and making everyone pot roast, yay! I'll take a picture and post it! ^_^

*Edit*

I didn't get a chance to take pictures, it was gone too fast. Half of our eight players, plus the DM devoured the pot roast while two of our players went for Subway and one of them ate leftover chicken from yesterday, the last had to leave for an appointment before the meal was ready for consumption.

It was an eventful game and we ended up taking about a two hour break, so there was plenty of time for eating and watching Dr. Who and even creating a character for one of our new players!

I did have to deal with the friend who I royally messed up with, as they play D&D with us. I managed not to make a giant ass of myself, even though there were a few times when I felt attacked. I hate feeling aggressive, especially towards people that I want to like. Hopefully things will get better over time. I just have to keep hold back my aggression and channel it somewhere more productive.

Now that everyone is gone, I'm going to try and work on my character's back story so that I can do better in playing her in the future.

Want to be productive before I pass out from exhaustion... @_@

<3 StarDust

Today was...

Had to deal with a lot of drama this morning. Thanks to my ability to over react when I'm half asleep and feeling attacked, I probably lost a friend who was already pretty annoyed with me.

I just hate it when people don't ask if I want to help and just do it and then expect me to be grateful for their forced help.

I also can't stand it when people tell me what to do. It probably has to do with the fact that my mom raised me very loosely... she knew my sister needed more supervision, what she didn't understand was that I needed structure too.

And lastly, I hate how selfish everyone is. You are not the most important in the world. You should not be thinking of yourself first. You should think of yourself, I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm saying you should make sure that what is good for you isn't bad for someone else. Even if you don't realize it, you could easily step on someone else's feelings. And when you make the mistake, you need to feel remorse, you DO NOT have the right to step on someone else, EVER. Make it up to them, apologize and pray that next time you will think before you act.

It's going to take a LOT to make up for how I treated my friend today. It's going to take even more to make those slow steps back to friendship and even more to show them that I don't want to freak out again, at them or anyone.

I've hit rock bottom. That's why I'm here. To heal, for all to see, but no one to judge.

In other news, I've posted my first piece of "art". It's a crappy doodle done with Sai and an old, second hand, broken Wacom. Once I get a job I will be investing in a new pen and then a new Wacom all together. In the meantime, I'm sorry. XD

<3 StarDust

So my Netflix was acting up... all my Episode shows were missing. Checked on my roommate's XBox and there they were, all find and dandy. Had to reset my Wii to make it go. I really need to fix my computer so that I don't have to be at war with the Wii all the time. My laptop just isn't up to the challenge while the PC refuses to sign online... >_<

Watching some much needed Xena while I try and think of what to create as my first submission here. Not sure if I can get through this episode though, it's a recap episode and kinda lame. X.x

Maybe I'll create a character based on Gabrielle? That could be fun. Once I have a character set up, who knows. ^_^

<3 StarDust

I just watched the movie and it was much better than I thought it was going to be. The graphics didn't look good in previews and I have an issue with things looking horrible and me not being able to watch them.

Case in point, the Hulk movie that came out in like around '03... I couldn't watch it, the CGI was terrible and I wondered who's closet they'd dug it out of, because they were doing better CGI in the early 90s...

I loved all the characters, the storyline was great and the jokes were adorable. I'm glad I chanced trying to watch it because it was totally worth it.

I think I might try my hand at some fan art or at the very least a fanfic... ^_^

Time for bed.

Night all!

<3 StarDust

I just started this account and I don't really know what I'm doing. I will be attempting to post some photos I've taken, art I've drawn, short stories and poems that I've written and perhaps, once I've learned how to play, some of my music. I am even considering creating some YouTube videos and posting them for you guys to see.

I'm just coming out of some stressful situations, so I may seem shy and weary. I do want to be your friend!

私の親切に考えてください。

<3 StarDust