Just having some burnout and issues with skill regression...for weeks, now.
But, I'm still here.

Between a friend needing a place to stay, and appointments that get canceled, and my own recurring autistic anxiety and depression, and a host of other things I'm not going to list because nobody wants a ticket to my bitch session, I seem to have been running into one obstacle after another for a while here. Trying to write and finding ways to make good thing happen has been...let's say, difficult.
But, let's also get some positives written down, here.

1) I finished a new short story. It was supposed to be a clear piece of flash fiction, but it's around the 1,000 word mark (998), so it's kind of sitting on the fence of both those properties. So, call it what you will. But I finished one--one that I'm pretty proud of, at that, and have uploaded it for your reading pleasure. You can find it in my new folder, Short Stories and Flash Fiction, if you missed it on my main page.

2) I think I've come up with a title that I like for my noir/hardboiled/gritty series. The title is currently a foreshadowing, of sorts...but only because I haven't yet written the part that I want it referenced in. I'm just makiung sure it settles in before I use it exclusively.
So, if I sit with it for a while longer and it doesn't start to itch or burn, it'll mean I'm not allergic. But even better, and you can expect a name change of my gritty noir folder (New Jackson Bay) pretty soon...ish.
What I don't know is whether I'll join everything into one big story, or just cross my characters over multiple short stories. But the good part of that, is that I get to find out almost at the same time as you. So, like...shared experience, or something like that.

3) I'm looking into going back to school for a certificate program in cyber security, and looking at going back to college to start pursuing a law degree. That has nothing to do with my writing (though it may help if I continue down the noir road with my writing), but I only had one year of college, no graduation, so I'm pretty proud of being able to start again. I'm a year shy of turning fifty, though, so this is going to get weird. Especially since I want a law degree, which means I need to get a bachelor degree first.
I wonder if I'll be the first ultra-late diagnosed autistic, 50-something year old by the time I graduate, to go back to school and become an attorney?
But I also wonder why I can't wear a hat in a court room. It's not like I can train hair to carry a weapon. At least, the hair I have when I don't shave my scalp. And I don't see my scalp trying to harm a witness or intimidate a jury anytime soon, anyway. I mean, maybe it's just the autism not understanding social expectations, but I really don't get it.
Anyhoos....

4) Java Chip Oreos exist. Also not related to writing. But sometimes it's the little things that I get the most excited about.
Mostly for the dumbest things :)

Still working on trying to write, and trying to keep a list of ideas for both future stories, and future roads for my current projects.
Thank you for your support. Please keep checking for more short stories (or maybe some actual, not on the fence flash-fics, if I can condense my thoughts enough); and for more additions to my noir series as time, stress, my brain, and my cat, allow.
But, like, seriously--the little orange dude needs to not meow at the top of his lungs at me for food when I'm in the zone and writing something good. Total mind-deleting distraction, and I lose every idea I had just a millisecond before.
I should find him a hobby. Maybe synchronized swimming? Do they make tiny, claw-proof floaties? I bet they're cute, with pictures of fish or mice, or....I'm rambling. Sorry.


....cat floaties, though. Whoever invents that had better pay me royalties. I'm autistic and I have a cat. I deserve some royalties for that!

Yeah...I haven't uploaded or updated in a while.

I've been trying to write when I can. And I've been trying to put what I write into more of a novel form.
And...I'm not happy with it. With pretty much anything about it, really. Right down to the title I chose. I really don't like 'New Jackson Bay'.
It didn't feel right when I came up with it. But I was so happy with myself for finally thinking of a title that I forced myself to use it, because I felt like I needed something set-in-stone to keep me going.

And, that was a lie that I apparently had no problem telling myself.

Don't ever do that.
Don't force yourself to accept something about your work that you don't like, just because you feel like you need it. Even if you're under pressure to come up with something, whether that pressure is from someone else or your own created sense of obligation, don't force yourself to just throw something out and run with it, when it's not something you'd even want to crawl for.
Everything you need will come to you when it's ready. That isn't saying that you should stop putting work into it, or that you should stop working when you believe you should (whether you make yourself write every day, or only a few times a month).
It's saying that when you do work, and when you're in the process of creating, forcing yourself to make decisions that you aren't comfortable with will much too often lead you to make mistakes, and make you question all of your decisions as you go.

That results in things you think are garbage, and it isn't what being creative should make you do nor how it should make you feel.

So...I'm dialing myself back in time a bit, and admitting that I am likely going to change the title of 'New Jackson Bay' to something else that I like better. Though I don't know when I'll make that change, so 'New Jackson Bay' will stick around as a place holder until then.

Also, I'm going to venture out of genre with other writings. I kind of liked having the short story format, so I'm thinking about writing a few to upload--if for no other reasons than to get myself out of this funk I ran into; and to help creativity feel fresh to me, instead of stuck in the pages of a story I've bogged myself down in so much with paths I don't like that I can't move any longer.

I don't know what my stories will be about. But, I'm hoping you don't mind them. A little warning, though--I do wish to explore some horror and science fiction themes that may have some triggers attached. Read the descriptions before jumping into any story, because that's where I'll add any warnings to keep you from walking into scenes that you might rather avoid.

Thank you for waiting for me. I'll be back in a bit...hopefully, doing better.
OH - and my arm does still hurt (in case you missed a previous entry, I had a fall in March that resulted in a partially torn bicep tendon).
But it has healed enough to sit at the keyboard for extended amounts of time once more. So I can finally return to writing without too much pain. Took damned near forever to get to this point, but at least it's made it this far.
Now I just need it to stop hurting when I have to reach an upper cabinet or grab something behind me...or put any weight on it other than a coffee mug...and my chunky feline ass be golden again.

For multiple reasons, I have been struggling with trying to write 'Cole Mackenzie - Part 2'.

- On March 21, I slipped on some ice at my building, and damaged my bicep tendon. So it's been kind of painful to sit for long periods of time trying to type (which, I think, is a big reason why 'Cole Mackenzie - Part 1' and 'Sully and Delaney' were only 3 pages each). Even now, it's yelling at me, and I've barely begun writing. Definitely going to take time to heal, and I'm not able to speed up by shear force of my autistic/ADHD will.
Gods, I swear, it even hurts to write by hand now. So even that will be a problem for a while.

- I'm having a hard time remembering my writing details from my short story installments, so I can patch them together as I write. Even with trying to write down and keep track of everything, I'm constantly having to open my own PDFs and documents just to read through, and plan how things are going to work based on the contexts I've used.
BTW, for the curious, I'm not a plotter. I'm a pants--er. I write into the dark, without an outline. Plotting and outlines DO NOT work, and never have worked, with my particular brand of AuDHD. So I write plot details down as I finish each part of my stories. But, that doesn't give me any writing landmarks to help me remember context. And because I'm writing without a net, I never know what context I'm going to need for my next writing session. So writing myself notes about specific points or scenes, when I have no clue ahead of time if I will ever even need them, is pretty much useless.

- I've been holding onto anxiety and pressure I created, for myself, about creating (or maybe rather, not-creating) more stories for Tales of Asceargia.

And...other problems.

So, I need to make some changes.

1) As time and my arm permit, I am going to be combining the installments I have now for my Noir series, into one or more chapters, and will be transitioning my short stories into more of a novel format. This will allow me to just scroll through an entire chapter for information instead of having to jump from one story to another, making it easier for me to keep continuity.
But it will also mean editing each story to make them more cohesive. So there will have to be some changes in the new story format, compared to the short story series I have already uploaded. Not enough to actually rewrite the stories--but enough so that the installments work better together, and allow me to make moving from one story to another much smoother. I'm hoping this takes some pressure off my brain so I can stop struggling so much to finish creating the next part, and make it work with everything else.

2) My arm is still hurting and healing, so I will not be putting a lot of pressure on myself to get any new stories or story parts uploaded until my arm allows me to write what I want.
I know there wasn't any kind of time frame on my writing before. But I recommend watching/bookmaking me now so you know when I upload. I don't know when my arm pain will, or will not, allow to work on my writing, so I don't know how often I'll be able to share my work.
*You may also want to watch or bookmark me now anyway--you know, just to see when I upload the first full chapter, to keep track of what changes I have to make, and to see what I add to the story next .

3) 'Tales of Ascearjia - It Begins' is going on hiatus until further notice. That does NOT mean that it's dead in the water. It just means that I don't know what I'm going to be doing with it just yet. I want to incorporate an old story I wrote (with the same title) into it--I believe I've said that before--but I still don't know how to make that happen, nor how I even want it incorporated...if really at all? I just don't know.
Also, my creative energy is being put into my noir story/series/chapters right now. So I don't have the extra spoons to put toward another writing project at this time. I will do my best to get back to it when I can. But I don't know when that will be.

4) I have a title for my noir series, now. I'll be creating a folder for it after I finish writing this, so if I do it correctly you'll be able to check my Gallery for 'New Jackson Bay'. It's the name I'm giving to the city where the story takes place.
That folder is where the previous noir shorts can be found, as well as any future chapters, shorts, or otherwise general parts and installments, will be found...unless something happens, or I have to move them, or a publisher really likes my work and wants to pay me a kajillion dollars but stipulates that I have to delete everything. I don't foresee that last one happening anytime soon, but ya' never know.

So, that's what's happening. Sorry about the long update, but I didn't want to leave anyone who might be following or lurking (btw, I see you...stop that) without a clue as to what was happening, and without an explanation for why my uploads will be slowing down a bit.
If you like my stories, please stick with me, and maybe show some support. I swear, it might be going slower than I want now, but there is more to come.

So, I've been trying to fix the thumbnail for Cole Mackenzie Part 1. It looks perfectly fine on my user page. But on the story page itself, it's not showing at all.

I did have to add it after submitting the story. But it should be showing perfectly fine by now.

I went ahead and re-uploaded the thumbnail to see if that helps. Will see if it does anything over the next few days or so.

But apparently, FA has a history of having thumbnails mess up. So if it still isn't showing for you on the story page by the time you read this, I don't know what to do about it. Just pretend you can see it, I guess. And I'll have to try harder to have the thumbnails ready at the same time as my uploads in the future.

Not looking for advice about what to do, here--though, thank you if you choose to offer any. I'm just trying to let people know what's going on, in case the lack of thumbnail on the story looks sus.

I just uploaded 'Cole Mackenzie - Part 1'.
This is a direct sequel to Daniel Haas. If you haven't read that one yet, I strongly encourage you to to that first so you can see where Cole Mackenzie comes from.
Life got in the way and slowed me down, but I am working on Part 2 of 'Cole Mackenzie', and I'll upload it as soon as I have finished writing and editing it.
And, yes, this does seem to be turning into a series. So, why don't we just assume that it is a series for now? Okay?
.
..
...
I'll take your silence while I'm typing this as an agreement.
Who knows, though? Maybe if I write enough of these I can offer them as a collection sometime.
I am just now working on Part 2 of my second gritty, noir-ish crime story, though, so I'll hold off on counting my chickens until the shells start to crack.

I do want to say, though--and I can not stress this enough--I'm writing for myself. As much as I hope others read my stories and like them, this is for me. I went a very long time without writing much more than a poem--and being seriously dissatisfied with any story attempt I made--because of personal tragedies, anxiety, depression, and a whole lot of other issues which were both situational and tied into my autism and adhd (and not being diagnosed with either until 2019). Now that I'm at a point where I can write again, and where I am actually enjoying it, it's all mine.
So if you don't like what I write about, or who my characters are, I may take some genuine criticism and good advice at times but these are my stories. You are free to share in them, but I make the rules in this messed up house. And if you hate my house, there are almost 8 billion people in this world for you to pick from. I'm sure at least one of them will make you happy.
I bet none of them would make you blueberry brownies, though. I mean, I might not. But I totally bet they wouldn't either.
I'm also starting to lose track of what I'm talking about because I started comparing things to houses, and now I want brownies.
So, confusing road shortened: these are my stories; I write what I want; I hope you like what I write but if not find something from someone that you do like, with my thanks for at least trying my stuff out.

---

Like 'Damien Haas', 'It Begins-Chapter One', and 'The Gargoyle', this story is in PDF format, as I imagine that pretty much all my short stories will likely be. I just like PDF best. But there are many converters you can use if you need a different format to use on your device. The converter I usually use when I need to is www.freefileconvert.com - but that is not a sponsored plug, and there are many more programs, both online and downloadable, that you can choose from.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Tales of Asceargia. But in the meantime, I haven't stopped writing.

'Daniel Haas' is my first, ever, crime drama. It's definitely a hardboiled story, bordering on Noir. And, it's less than six pages, with 1.5 line spacing. So you should be able to read it fairly quickly.

Fair warning, this story isn't M/M. I thought that pretty much anything I'd be posting was going to be M/M, but I have to go where the creativity leads me. Kind of like letting the clay tell you what it wants to be, or letting the marble tell you where to chip away.

Or the dog saying, "Hey, I don't want to learn to sit. Teach me to roll over instead," before you remind him that you're roll playing and dogs don't talk.

The story does deal with things like bigotry, though; an evil that the entire LGBTQAI+ community knows about all too well. And there are other triggers as well. Please check the story description for all of them, so you don't run into any unaware.

If you give it a read, I hope you hate the bad guy. I hope you feel something for the...good guy...no--protagonist. Yeah, we'll go with that; the protagonist.
And, I hope you like it.

My short story grew up. It's now the first chapter of a much larger story. And I've given it a name.
Well, rather, I used a name from a story I started a long time ago, but never finished.
Anyway, it's uploaded and ready to be read. It is just the first chapter, though. So if it doesn't make sense to you, maybe wait until I write another chapter to see if that helps any.
Chapter 1 is in past tense. But it will transition into present tense with chapter 2. Any chapters after that should be in the present tense, outside of flashbacks or memories, or things like that.
Go check it out :)


OH - BTW, I made the thumbnail. It's the main title of the story. I have ideas for the "It Begins" part of the title, but I don't know which idea will become real. So it's more of a named plot rather than a subtitle for now. We'll see if it stays that way, though.

I'm working on a story.
You'll have to forgive me if this text sounds boring. But I think I used up my creativity for the day.
I've been working on a short story for a bit now. But the short story decided that it didn't want to be a short story. It wanted to grow up and be a big story.
So now, INSTEAD of a short story, I have a full-on chapter one.
Chapter one of what? I don't know. I write best when I'm writing in the dark (that means without a plan....and also, listen, don't count The Gargoyle in that; yeah, it was written in the dark too, but that was a one off, stream of consciousness, flash fiction kind of thing THAT I AM STILL PROUD OF...but this is a whole actual story, with a whole different direction, now), so I don't know where it will go or how long it will be.
But, when I'm done editing...and think of a title (which may change because I suck at titles), I'll upload the chapter and see if it floats a boat or two ;)

I just got this FA going, so I haven't done much yet. I uploaded a super short story, wrote a short intro, and added some sites for the contact info. So, not extremely far along, but getting some things done.