http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5530829/

If you can't donate, If not, you could spread about on your own journal. :)

Of I, the boy who sat at school looking at a work paper for a hour because I couldn't listen to anyone else but myself my whole life, who teachers said I couldn't work in a normal school due to ASD and fell asleep in classes. Where I have been placed with the sole duty of figuring out everything because teachers alone are doomed to make me understand anything. Where even books I found way too boring and frustrating to scroll through! All I ever did is doodle in classrooms and do things only I could imagine to be contributing.

How did I do it?

It was finding myself the motivation to succeed and want to. Once I was a very broken lad, quiet and with no self esteem. I was given chances and confidence by being placed in activities that would awaken my confidence and yes people helped me there. At 16 I played in a rock band infront of 20,000 people with a rock band I was part of organized by a Autistic help group.

Even to do THAT was difficult. My whole youth had been where I had suffered a extreme violent parental divorce at 4 and then spent from 8 years old being traumatically abused of my brother for 5 solid years until my late father died. That youth had knocked all the wind of my sails.

My cousin thus inspired me to keep trying but then, it goes further back than that. I wanted to achieve my whole life. It was something inherent in me I've found. A job, to soar and reach my dreams. At 15, being with that rock band did give me however the confidence to suceed where I had none, but my passions drove me too!

Further back from there, I always had a love of drawing starting from when I could carve stones into pavements. I used to doodle away epic vore scenes of macros and whatever at 14 on paper and even draw out scenes from Sonic stuff and then vocalize what was going on in the scene as if it was one of those talking books.

Today just feels amazing. The idea where I could only very much look at anatomy books and find it very hard to scroll through most of the text and take anything in. To me, it feels like a acomplishment because I have suceeded where no one could teach me and where most things have been like this in life, still: WOW.

I am amazed at myself. At my ability to draw. From just doodling from anatomy books examples and more, simply believing that'll make me a better artist I think I may have even found the motivational story in myself to show OTHERS can do it too!

Otherwise, it's been a very long time. 16 years I've been drawing from pavements and all sorts. Yes I didn't have a epic college degree or school classes because even if I did, I wouldn't have taken the information in and slept in classes just because that was how I was!

But here it is, one of my greatest life achievements. I believe I'm becoming more and more of the epic artist and whilst being a student who again found it extremely frustrating and still does from others, I've done it. Figured it all out myself.

I am happy with myself!

http://www.tehcute.com/pics/201107/Red-panda.jpg

Lol

Bad: Unfaithful, too acommodating in bad times, distrustful, volatile, fiery awful temper, extremely sensitive, clingy, tantrumic

Good: Sensitive, kind, caring, sweet, unconditionally loving, detached, impersonal, fair, intuitive, patient, talkative, warm, silly, witty, humorous, child-like, intelligent, flamboyant, loud and full of many unique and practical opinions, open minded, very sensible practicality despite beliefs that soar into space and can make him look dreamy and impractical, loves to explore the unknown, likes challenges, universially confident, believes all is possible, spiritual and non materialistic

Likes: Snacks, chocolate, donuts, pringles, anything with cheese, people, sensitivity, fairness, privacy of himself and others

Hates: Gossip

Geez, eerily similar. o3o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SZONC5qIM8

Yeah, thats me. Definitely. Spot on. I relate fully.

I'm not a very usual serious person, but I have a strong moral integrity I suppose.

Otherwise! A good song! ( imaging people do appreciate my more personal shenangigans?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-WMOtnrQas

It was based on suspicions made to them based on how  Darkgl is friends with Sparky and how my past ( on Stompychu ) regarded Sparky in general to have talked about me with his friends when he was younger.

Bunearyk was meant to be a member I distrusted because the offense I never meant to incorporate years ago and I dislike gossip in general ( as I'm a person who holds the privacy and confidentality of others in very high standards ), it was also mostly a past thing. But then, understand despite my fury of trying to keep things personal. Otherwise, it was a attempt to also let out steam about the past; thus I was wrong.

Sparky the chu is just a character I uphold not to be assertive enough and thus, has left me paranoid if it's ok to make friends when I have people talking about me constantly and wondering who still trusts me.

I am sorry for my words. I would like to say they no longer have meaning.

On the other matter. I extremely hate gossip as I see it as immoral, selfish, mean, narcissistic and threatens to break the trust between my friends which like those people do with their friends, I hold in very high regard, except this Sparky thing ranging from around 5 years ago, with unknowcool telling me he talked about him and friends randomly dissapeared during 2013, etc. The reason I don't trust many people now to be straightforward and honest with me.

I'd just like to say... I feel I'm a very unfaithful friend atleast on promises and responsibilities. I'm forgetful; so lost in my creative world that I feel I can never fulfill what other people want.

On the other hand, yes I'm a artist who will draw free art and sketches for people but at the same time, I feel like it'll take forever too because I like to do things in my own time.

Other than that, I'm a happy go lucky guy who can get moody about those he cares for and not really life in general, I can be friendly, upbeat and practical and a real social charmer, I'm good at drawing but I imagine yes, I can appear self centred, I'm also really funny and can use a silly dramatic bend to make things cool.

I don't think I'd ever seem like a good guy socially but yeah, that's me..

Just wanted everyone to know because yes, I have faults and I have beliefs. I can't please everyone.. please don't be mad at me though because it hurts feeling I can't live up to your emotions because I do feel them.. .w.

Anyone willing to give suggestions or ideas? :)

I admit, I think I've figured in my old age I have a temper and I've been having to tolerate people for way too long; I just feel like I met people on here who saw to it to wind me up and well, it's now.

I'm leaving certain people behind for good. Not the fact I always had a bad record thanks to alot of snakey people, but I have tried being this kind person for too long with some people and I'm at the end of my rope.

I know! I'm a dickhead but there, I'm real and honest and it's all you people can be thankful for.

Asta la vista.

I'm starting to realize I can't control anyones views; thus, win at this. I admit to being a person who has trusted, hated, done things, like anyone else.

All I want to say, is you don't know why I do what I do; it doesn't have to be your business. I admit to being clingy in the past. I admit to looking similar to before. I admit, I don't look much like I've changed, but I didn't have to.

I am not perfect. I admit to never being or wanting to be perfect. I love this communitity.. but I'm starting to realize, I can't be all things to this communitity and thus, I do care less. I am heartless to a extent now.

Please, I ask of people to please, just hear me out.

I just please would want people to not misunderstand me now. I have grown out of chasing people ( despite the fact I've tried recently to yes, speak on unknowcool, a 17 year old minor, that jumping headfirst with no wisdom of his parents will hurt him because I care about him and also remained with a 25 year old with 30 'kids' )

It's hard. But I've let go really out of my clinginess to others. I've accepted God as my one and only true friend. I try to trust my feelings on the right choices.

No many people will understand me, but I do want to be part of this communitity.

Please, try not to judge and opinionate me. I try and make the right choices. I also fear hurting people, but my feelings sometimes still guide me to. Gosh I don't know. IT'S LIFE ISN'T IT FOR FUCK SAKE?!

I'm feeling serious, I'm feeling more like listening more and being less stubborn. I'm interested in the thoughts of others. I suppose this could be saying I'm maturing. It doesn't feel so much like a phase.

In the last month since I turned 21, my brain has really changed. I can't look at anything the same again since the responsible part of my brain finally kicked in. Now I just feel, colder, darker and a bit edger, but still Stompy.

It used to be all fun and humor. But now I just, see things differently. I'm interested still in my beliefs but then, others fascinate me too. I wanna hear what they have to say, whilst still sticking to my guns. My life wasn't so much coincedience. I don't believe in luck or fate either, but I do believe in cleaning up your mess; this is kinda what I've been exposed to lately too.

I'll be writing my new fiction, Ren: Demon Days pretty soon.

Peace.

People may call me crazy, but that's only because I dare to dream.

What are the properties of a long life? Are most of the humans living to their 120s just fortunate?

I am willing to wonder. Ponder. The idea of going further and all the secrets of life. After all, I hate secrets; I love to learn forever more.

Fruit and veg do amazing for the body. I add this with spiritual practices such as yoga, meditation and prayer and it leads me to think, we are truly still in the garden of eden if we're just willing to still look for the holy green soil.

There are many accounts of many celebrities looking half their ages: Women looking 40 who are 70, a woman who only looked 50 at 80 and so on. Discarding what one may call the fickle lushious pleasures of life in the long run, gives them endless youthfulness and joy.

I am on this path myself. As I am curious. Most curious. I see my life more of a experiment than simply living it so easily. I want to test, understand the limits and then break them. Why be boring? Why follow? Why be among the rest. Pioneers look for new soil!

Atleast it's all there in black and white if we're willing to look for it.

What say you?

http://scribol.com/science/bodyshoc.....6-year-old-man

When I was a small boy, 4 years old I was to watch the violent, dramatic and tragic divorce of my parents. To this day, I can only say, I think somehow it must've mentally affected me for life seeing such a event.

The screams so to speak, the shouting in the doorway, as I had seamingly slept and just laid to lay witness to the screams of my mother as her hair was pulled. My father was he'd walk in, tuck me under arm and run me out of the door.

The events that night sleeping at my grandmother's bungalow, had a odd, breaking on my consciousness. A strange, corruption. A dark feeling.

As a child, I grew up very mentally disturbed. I appeared distrustworthy to the extremes of calling my father abusive when it wasn't ever apparent. I felt so lost in my own head of darkness.

I had seen several psychologists about this growing up, but the way I went around it seemed almost determined to fall apart. A insupportive mother told me to go to sleep when I was suicidal and lost in my darkness from scars of dealing with abuse that I had blocked out when I was 8 via 12 years old.

I felt I wanted to get rid originally of all the original symptoms. I had a extremely violent temper, I felt so sad and lonely, I felt I could not make friends with this disfigured mind.

The way I did it, was meditating. I felt so traumatized, as I rewitnessed the events of my childhood, how I was locked in a goose pen for a prank ( forgave him ) and alot more. Seeing this, giving myself therapy, I wanted to make friends but also, get rid of my violent anti social temperament that caused me to strangle several siblings and almost kill my younger brother. I wanted out, I just wanted to get rid of everything.

I don't believe in fate and luck. All I believe is since I was young, I was forced to deal with myself and almost on a deadline. If I wasn't fast enough, something drastic was always to happen with a mother who completely denied all emotional involvement with me, seamingly because she at 50 at completely given up at the role of a 'mother' and thus, told me: 'She was too old to deal with having had 8 children and thus, this was her time now' I had to face a youth of trauma and abuse and constant blame as he controlled me obsessively to behave, blamed me for every reaction and was extremely strict.

I never lived up to what she expected. I could never get mad, she threatened to call the police and even went as far as shoving me against the wall in some act of judo apparently. Such a horrendous thing. I was lost and alone and had no job. My school had been removed from me because I was apparently diagnosed with 'Aspergers syndrome' which from 13 year old, being suicidal and suffering from depression I wasn't even aware of, trying to withdraw myself, commit to lessons. School just seemed to fall apart.

Eventually, with a lost father and a emotionally unavaliable mother who threatened to call the cops whenever I got depressed or down or threatened to just send me to the doctor, never looked at me emotionally or cared at all of how I felt unless it met her standards, I was lost.

All I had to do was continue to try to control myself, push all sense of sensitivity out of myself. I couldn't get mad. I couldn't react. I was trapped. I felt for many years I was in a prison, my youth, school, losing everything started to really affect me as I got older.

I needed to believe in myself. Save myself. I was so scared. Eventually all I grew up to be is this 'guru' like person who people considered highly intelligent and detached but, it wasn't the case.

After a while otherwise, after around 6 or 7 years, my intuition had developed amazingly from this at first, self therapy just to live at my house and stand being with her being so emotionally unavaliable and expecting me to just take everything alone. Eventually, I realized my brain was never going to be stable after pressing so much love, so much affection. The idea of friendship never struck me so much as to trust intuitively and feel again.

At my core, all I ever wanted to do is love and feel like anyone else.

A bit of a rant journal. So to speak one of my opinions again. Hey, you get to know me better, there's a positive.

Otherwise, a bit about me today. How, really, spending my whole life being bullied by my own family, one had been a sociopath since 8 years old and kept me up robbing stores for 5 years from 2 am in the morning:

'Brad, stay the fuck wake now or I'll beat the fucking shit out of you'

Heh, fucking hell. Violence. Just another thing of some of this race's disgusting fucking attributes. Your ego, your god complex. It's been like this since the beginning. I mean, that's all I've realized. This whole entire 5 billion or so people are actually inherently selfish, stubborn and all omnipotent. Ahahaha.

Really, family to me is supposed to be such a powerful thing. The only thing you're meant to think of when in need, when you need support, a hug, anything. Family is always meant to be there for you.

Otherwise, I grew up like that. Crawling my ass out of the dirt since 12, sticking my fingers down my throat to avoid school because of fear, over and over again, of a boy two years older than me. Yep, evil little children actually exist. Get used to it. We're all different right?

More the reason why I don't actually give a fuck if my whole family just died right now or all my best friends. You've gotta get used to losses and hate really.

It's just, incredible. When you've been like a tool for people since the beginning. The whole idea of human ties kinda dies. Yeah this thing called empathy, it actually dies in your brain. Eventually you grow to such a state, all you wanna do is push the next fucker who pisses you off the stairs and sayonara bro, be better next life why don't you?

Atleast I don't believe in hell. I don't actually believe in luck or fatalism. The whole materialistic act since the beginning kinda just had me laughing. This money thing. This thing your race worships and I find so hilarious.

But it's not so much the money. No, it's how fucking vulnerably desperate you are to prove yourselves to someone else, wether you hate or love them, want to kill them. You just want to prove deep down you're vehemently lovable. You're ok. You'll kill for it. Die for it.

Otherwise, don't mind me. I haven't really spent my life being 'alive' so to speak. I never slept as a child for 5 years and a rather violent divorce might've just switched off the gene of how sweet and sensitive I really did used to be.

The world is a cold place, let's get it enough. It's not ok. Someone is fucking responsible for the belief systems of this shit over and over. Seriously if you still walk out your door and think it's ok to be alive. I salute you, mr mega super ultra giga fucking retard.

No bro, where the fuck is the sensitivity, the compassion. We fear walking out our doors and being who we really are alest someone slit our throats and make food out of us. Gosh I don't know.

It's just, this world. Ahahaha. Oh gosh. I wish I could actually love it still, because I'm kinda just that character somewhere. I really do think some people are actually born more pathetic and less than other human beings anyway. Some people are literally born less honest and what not. It proves it with the fact my older brother was bullied the same way I was treated; all I came out was far more stronger and superior than him.

Yes I'm vain. Fuck it. You're unique aren't you? I mean, who the hell in this world always finds certain shit funny? The guy going down the street grabbing a guy's iphone and then biking off on it, as he yells at him, he just drops it on the floor? Just senseless.

No, my issue is, yes I fucking care too much and it's why I appear so insensitive. That's not the point.

The idea is again, I've not really lived so to speak. Everyone has their story. Everyone should listen to that story before rolling off saying just much they really 'think' they know that person. Because even evil came from somewhere. You were once a little sweet baby rolling around in your cot, before we come to this world for needless pain and suffering.

My story was from 8 years old just people constantly forcing me to steal and rob for them, or else. Violence was always the answer for my 2 years older brother. Yeah, 10 and 8. Hilarious right? No, not all kids are sweet, but yeah, there are reasons why. I think?

Otherwise, it's the idea in this world, the materialistic can't even think of how someone else feels, the rich are just idealistic really. So sweet until you knock them on their ass and they just turn to a corner on you. I've seen people say such insensitive shit, like how disabled people should get a job. Ahaha. Yeah, oh my gosh. Just, where the fuck do you get the idea you can SPEAK on OTHER PEOPLE? Otherwise, pain breeds compassion and it's all too true a fact. All these people who you think have it all? Take it from Stompy. They're sad as fuck deep down at how they can't look beneath the surface areas of their ego. How lovable and cherishable they are.

It's true. I've seen it time and time again and you do need a belief system in this world. Yeah I admit, you still need one where you listen to yourself and no one else.

At the end of the day, I would say only God exists really. People are facades and if they're not, they're locked in their forlorn fantasies of what they think the world is and you can't do jack about it. Fuck friends?

The idea is, I kinda wish, we were a little humble, but then, we can't. Because we're so damn unique and awesome on the other hand; yet, it varies to degrees of idealism or psychopathy and then you have those people like me who've woken up finally. Rise and shine. Nothing really is real.

I would say I'm a free thinker and non conformist. Alot of people, meh, would make assumptions based off their precious ego.

But really, let's get to the point. I don't believe in luck. When it threw it down a few days ago in Britain. It made sense. It just struck me like a lightning flash among the clashing clouds above.

You think it's karma, you think it's anything. I think it's shit. I think honestly you just have to learn to dance in the fucking rain. Seriously. We live on a planet of extremely opinionated people, yet it's ok to be opinionated I think. I think, we have the freedom to think and speak it, don't we?

Otherwise, to all the people in their big rich manors and shit. Fuck you really, because I actually don't hate you. I don't care. I think you're so sad still hugging your covers at the world you choose to think is scary outside of you. I love actually how you hate me and call me this and that, thinking you're so high in the clouds. I mean all you can grow is to idealize what the world should be like; I'mma like, fuck you. Srsly. No one is gonna listen.

They say karma and then I say no regrets. Because something just MADE ME DO IT. I just think, yes, by gosh, something is just pulling the strings here and sending me off on another mad'un over and over. But then it's why we run away and then, geez it's just. I think we really need a spiritual life like, yoga or meditation or something? Because stuffing your face full of food and taking everyone like your superior. I mean geez... you're pathetic.

Otherwise, just another opinionated view, as you would have, of the world around me. Fuck it all, because seriously, if you stop wishing. You fall in love with everything dark and evil, good and light.

Peace.

'Being a warrior, used to mean not being afraid of who you really are.'

The idea of unconditional love is accepting that everyone is different, whilst accepting that they, in policy, give you the space for you to be yourself and you give them theirs. We weren't all meant to get along.

If a man has many friends, what time has he got to discern the cream from the crop? We exist in a world of materialism and greedy people. I don't believe in the idea of many loving hearts in a society that still despairs at another's individuality, looks down at others; judges where thou hast not the permission, EVER, to judge thou.

The idea is to walk as if no one is really meant to listen, hold those close who want to be heard, nurture those unconditionally who ask and yet, understand yourself long enough to realize you can't help everyone; finally, to realize, you can't truly save anyone, anyone at all.

People come and go. Love is not a flower that blooms, it is a flower that dies, disperses it's pollen and starts again, as with the tree. There are no winning ways to win with people. Everyone sees reality only how they want to ever see it; that's where you realize, it is but twas a dream, but a dream if you have God, if you have love, if you understanding, though not hast to fear.

Be yourself. Be honest. You wish for everyone to love you, but hiding it thoust under a cloak and hiding your face serves nothing.

Love is the answer. Love is accepting what you do not understand.

You are never alone, for God is always by your side, wether you're looking back to see him or not.

If we were all the same, the world would be a very boring gray place. If the world was all the same, of whom is God going to have the world truly imitate among many? Of whom, is truly right, other than being a perfect flaw? When ways are many?

 shadecerule <3  Stompybolteara

I'm just so exstatic right now guys! Me and Alec have known each other for around a year and he used to be a watcher on my old account! I never thought I would get on so well with someone!

Truly Alec, you are the best, if not one of the best lovers I could've ever had. C: You love vore, you're smishy, you're delectable, you're so good of course I'm going to eat you up! <3 You're gonna be one of my all time favourite lovers to macro too. C: Because I can just never be friendly, can I? No, I just destroy everything but damn it, it's so my good quality and bad. C: A love for my stomach too. C: <3 Yeah. <3

Me and you have got on like wildfire, really. I've been messed up, but now I really wanna treat you so good. <3 On the conspiracy theories we connect and our beliefs, you're like me in alot of ways or just able to have held on throughout the years..

Really Alec, you're my best friend. I love you to bits; I just want everyone to know, I couldn't be more happy with my new lover. He is amazing, awesome, great. No I am not private, we're in a open relationship after all, but this is who I am. I do like to show off my lovers!

He is amazing. You are simply amazing! I couldn't have had a better lover for years to come. C: You're a lovely guy to get to know too! If only we could get a graphics card now I can play Lol with you!

I hope everyone can meet you too! Since you're awesome really! C:

Seriously, you'd be laughing. Little however, do you even grasp, that is the majority of the whole damn's world's beliefs right now.

And no, I don't think it's ok.

Why do we honestly feel we have to call others crazy? Weird? Freaks? Why do we have to feel we have to make others feel self conscious? When we're meant to be free roving half monkey men? Whatever the hell you want to think of it? The whole fish theory? Hey! I look like a fish to be fair I don't care? What it's to you? The fact I have large eyes and a small mouth? Blub blub? ( somewhat a analogous reference to myself ) So what the hell with you actually if I just change this around? What if I say, I don't damn care?

Seriously, we live in a society where we feel people have to fix themselves. But then, we have this other contradictory thing. We say normal, what is normal bro? If you don't quite understand how I don't like salads? Why do you feel you have the fucking right to tell me, I still should? Why can't you see leaving the damn thing alone, would make me happy? So what if I snapped at the guy over the damn street?

What is it to you? I didn't hit you, that's one thing. But I say this for everyone. I mean, I just think it's the truth you to think other people must be the law for others. Whats become of the law enforcement we should feel confident and secure with, when we ourselves, feel we have to police each other? Tell other people how to be, dress, eat?

I don't know, to wrap it up. I think we all have this fucking God complex. Don't deny it! You think you have the holy right to dictate others lives, have them think as you see fit and basically, that would otherwise be a dictator. Heres a fact: I don't fucking worship you bro. That's a choice and people are allowed to make it? Capiche?

No, you don't. Because you're still arguing aren't you? Exactly.

All I'm saying, is I'm sick of it. People are considered DIFF-FER-RENT. The right to differ! The right to freedom! But it's as if deep down we don't wanna admit to some reality, where we choose to deny it, but there is a lack of JUSTICE in this world? Well, I'm not saying there is or isn't. That's my own personal choice to think. But then, I don't have the right to dictate your life, do I? To tell you! To think the same!

I mean, you can dislike someone. That's ok. Being called a freak shouldn't be so obliviously unsettling, we're all different. Enjoy the freakdom bro! But then, if there is one thing that gets on my fucking paws. It's this thing where we're dictating others lives.

Your reality, is somehow everyones damn reality. Your life, must be everyone elses. You say you don't know, you don't want to think a Jesus. But unconsciously, HE IS JESUS! HE HAS COME TO SAVE US! HE'S SKEPTICAL AND YET, TECHNICALLY ATTEMPTING TO IMITATE THE LORD'S CONSTITUTION! THAT HE HAS THE FREEDOM TO JUDGE! To damn and condemn and say! This is wrong to be! Do! Whatever!

I say, screw you!

If there is something that bothers me about this world. It's the fact we've forgotten who we are.

Consider it in my personality, to want to voice my opinion; I think a opinion is ok! Everybody can love something and hate something, I think it makes us individual.

I think it's rather sad, about the bullying, abuse in this society, which has a reason for it too, but then, we honestly have to feel I think personally, standardized to be in conflict with each other.

It's as if you think it was evolution for us, the most highest on the food chain, to bomb each other, throw sticks and stones and sling our own darkness consciousness at others ( trying to make others how we feel inside because we feel alone ) and it's like, I do feel love for the world!

But it's just, this one thing. You chose to honestly believe, because you have paper in your hands, because you honestly think you have these amount of friends or whatever. It's just, honestly, does anyone ask why?

I know why. I know why you do it. To you, this is righteousness. But do you, my good sir realize, that we DON'T have angel wings and freakin' horns? DON'T YOU REALIZE? Everything is not in black and white?

And so I'm unhappy. But I feel it's in me to just vent this. When is it not?

People do things I understand for their pasts. They grow rich and make friends because people told them they never could. A couple of years later however, what that prick said still goes around in their minds; they still live caring whatever this guy thought of them.

'I have friends now, I'm selfish' lalala, ok, ok, but just because some guy thought that of you?

I don't get it. Why do we honestly live in a world, where everyone around us is God? God can only judge you. God only knows where you've been. But we honestly, HONESTLY expect these people to stand and yes, I imagine they do think they're God.

It's just silly. But then, it comes from opinions; where do opinions come from? I think it's worth analyzing, because it's actually from the media! Am I a conspiracy theory? Who cares? Only God can judge me; I'm not wagging that around like some kindergarten slur! it's the truth!

Watch this: Over the years you have no idea that from one minute to the next, your reality is floating along a river a society of 'I'm better than Jacob, look at his hair and clothes, ew' I mean, you live in a society where you, my sir, think it is cool to 'hate', you think it's 'cool to fear things' to smack people around with a fish.

You think it's ok to tell them, they're downright wrong. You think, it's ok to think their opinion no longer matters! THAT THEY CAN'T THINK!

And guess what? We'll go on the battleships with this shit. I swear. Lady gaga? Who was she? Who cares, guess what? A few years back you thought she was a freak and now you don't care about that. A few years ago it was 'emos' and 'wrist slitting' and guess what? Nobody gives a damn about that too!

When won't you people see, your lives are just floating down a materialistic, self fearing loop? Why won't you see? You're living down fad and trends that just leave you feeling angry at the newest coolest thing to hate? That's leaving your pockets broke of cash you think you can't keep anymore?

We're going down memory lane because if we don't, damn, what is it gonna be? In the future we'll hate this guy just cause everyone does? Then we'll get over that and hate the next thing?

Heres the thing. Why don't you REALIZE it's none of your damn business? Why does someone else's freedom to you, have to feel like a rat running up your trouser leg? Why does someone freedom to think, to choose, to be, have to emotionally affect you and make you miserable?

Ahaha! Do you honestly think this was intended? FREE SPEECH! They say! But all the rest of the world is floating on to hate, discriminate the next thing out! It's none of their business! But they think it is! They think the clothes you wear, the things you do, they have the holy hammer to smack on your head and say, this isn't cool!

It's like we're obsessed with control! We act as if we're God! But all we're doing is floating down the road to whatever else seems to be hating, who everyone else seems to be hating, and then, we should question where the hell this opinionation comes from! I'm saying it's like that chinese whispers shit in school. 'Bla bla bla, pass it on'

DO WE HONESTLY REALIZE THOUGH HOW CHILDISH WE ARE? How we just seem to be on a mad loop to buy the newest trend, hate the next guy or thing whatever someone else says? Where is our maturity now? When really, all we are like is CHILDREN?

Honestly, where is your manhood? Of listening to your dear selves? You seem all so miserable to me really! A guy really can't feel it's ok to just flow off in the rest of the world because it's like, we're skeptical of what? Jesus? And then it's as if we act as if he's just walked out 2254 pennsylvania avenue? Down the street? You act as if that man should be Jesus? Or you? You have the holy right to damn whoever the hell you like?

WELL SIR, YOU BEST THINK IT'S OK FOR PEOPLE TO DO THAT TO YOU, TOO!

I mean! It should feel ok to be you! Not like you're going to be beaten up or battered! Which means me think, what? What in the blooming hell is that? We think it's 'normal' to live in a world where you're gonna get hit with a bat, bullied and tormented for making what should be called a CHOICE?!

What is this shit?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa0gbiIGG0c

For anyone who believes in that and cares anyway~

Brother Carlos is a priest who is going out into the world who by 2015, is trying to start a worldwide movement that teaches people to cleanse and heal themselves from exorcism, the devil and sin, curses, corruption and more.

He is a wonderful man who in this world, understands that everyone deep down is loving but is also, traumatized, in pain and hurt and in this hurt, will and can hurt others.

Please, anyone who needs a house cleansing, I suggest to atleast try this and see how you feel, or not, if you are that deep of a skeptic. It will heal and restore more of that feeling you had as a child of that innocence you once felt.

Peace~ I'd favourite~ It also goes on for 6 hours but the first time around it's actually every 13 mins. I gave it for people who believe atleast.

I want to write about the losing of a father from a young age and what it can do to the mentality of someone.

I've known many people who've had no parents at all however. Some with no dads their whole lives; I do understand.

I lost my father, 2nd of July, 2005. When the experience first hit me, that day you walk out of school and you've been messing with the teachers as kids do, it didn't hit me emotionally until I saw he was dead.

Some people say, when I saw my own father dead in that hospital that day. It changed me. My uncle and family said about it.

It's only recently have I been tapping back into the innocence and security I felt as a child. That feeling, it's amazing. That feeling of safety, something I think people should try and appreciate their entire lives for still feeling. It's much better with than without, really. Trust me.

The experience, after seeing him dead, left me completely in tears. I let it out. The years was one atleast where... everything seemed to fall around me; I suppose only in recent years have I got used to the shock. My mother also lost several people all at once in several months.

Otherwise, I will bring up the joy atleast as a child or what you normally do all feel. That feeling, you could sit in a truck whilst your parents are moving things from my dad's bungalow and you just have this feeling, where birds are singing. You can feel the air. There is just this safety.

When I lost that dad, my world seemed to slowly fall apart. 13 I were too young to understand anything of how I felt, but, it attaches to you, a sense of fear. That was the most powerful thing.

A sense of fear, because you know deep down, you can never be taught anything about life. No one is there to guide you out in the world; the other most tragic thing is I just happened to seem like the runt of the litter, having been traumatically abused by my older brother to steal or get my ass kicked for 5 straight years and not be able to tell anyone how I was going out at 5 in the morning, having stayed up for 3 to 4 fucking hours and then having to walk up a massive hill to school afterwards.

It does happen in life. I won't fret. I understand the drill. Simply, it's something I'd like people to understand. When you lose a dad, the experience, it takes away that feeling. Of safety. Of security. You can't learn nothing and well, that's what it did for me. I lost my ability to feel because I thought at the end of the day, this world became a place where my mother as I got older, broke my trust and alot of my older father figures also fell apart too.

Alot of people wonder, how I appeared so nervous and scared as a youth. That's basically it. The father is meant to be the one who protects the child. Gives him this safety. Perhaps I was a bit better off than someone with no parents though. I can't imagine all the alienation from that, but I do know something.

Without a mom and dad, you're finished emotionally. You have to guard and protect yourself and the experience can leave someone shaken. Then you mature yes, but when you mature, you mature in a way where you have to carry yourself so hard, you kinda forget what it's like to ever feel that innocence.

Atleast, I know people have had it alot worst than me; of course, there is people right now who are having it alot worse than everyone in the third world countries. A constant reminder I also had growing up. Of how grateful I should be; it also gave me my humanitarian streak.

Otherwise, it was around this time, I grew up shaken, nervous and scared. A lack of will to want to believe and feel people's feelings. I didn't want to be around people unless my feelings felt it was right. I became someone who had to become his own father figure, because I just couldn't think anyone else would look after me.

My mother was someone who when I was suicidal, would tell me to go back to sleep; I didn't want to. I was running off to the doctor's for substitute of a ambulance and well, what to say other than it was me who somehow had to grow up through adolescene and reexperience my traumatized past, alone. Meditating the whole thing off as I remember those experiences; again I do realize it's been worst for other people, yes.

The idea is, I can't fully push out the experiences too. I've realized people have experiences that affect them and in a way, will become their story and it's why I think it's very important even in this day and age to listen to people, because we live in a world where we do lose things; inside each of us, we're very sensitive who have to hold the whole fucking world of that on our shoulders.

I think it's important to become sensitive atleast and listen to that.

Otherwise, growing up alone without a dad, is infact a trauma. it's a unknown experience where you forget what family feels like. Atleast, again alot of my ability to feel, broke down. I didn't feel empathy no more. I didn't feel anything.

I think it's important to say atleast, we're all messed up deep down from a song I once heard: The hardest people to love need it most. I find when you listen to people, inside emotionally behind that superficial easygoing exterior, they all have a very sad story and it's still why I thnk we should listen, but enough on that.

I think the experience changed me is all, I think alot of experiences change us and have changed us. It gives atleast, a idea to people how life is and also, a understanding of me which I think is important. There is growing past the experience yes still, but there is still where it can still deeply wound us all.

Peace~

Ps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRG7t6db9LY A song that sorta would identify someone with how that feels.