http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&v=J5bQDH5AI1E&NR=1

What would you do? You say you wanted more. What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you.

Life, take me away to this world
Where I can unfurl
The pain that I have doubted so
All this time

I'm not myself, I'm not myself
Who was I before, I don't even know
Was I confused, getting on with you

I was so scared of myself
But now I can't no longer help
Who I am
Love me now or later, I don't care
I'm stronger than a Ox, raging tiger, horse feet
I'm more trouble than trouble, but I'll give you my hopes and dreams

I am the assertive one, I'm the one you'd could be me
I'm so upright I don't know myself
Who am I
I can't help

[chorus]
You're not afraid of being yourself
You taught me alot these last few years
You got me in a place
That's scarier than last time
But you were real, so getting on this time
[chorus end]

Now no more of this
I am sick of being twisted
It's time to help myself, save myself from a darker place than hell
It's time to be myself, completely, utterly myself
And no longer will I fear, the dreams they will bear on me

Because I'm not sick and twisted really
I'm not really myself
I'm just a climber, passerby, take it on, real fly

People come, people go, I could be more than this
Your forgiveness is necessary, I feel I'm in the abbyss
But no more will my time be wasted
And cut down to a thousand pages
As I read this book, and cut down everything in time
Now it's time

I'm not scared of being myself
I'm not scared of making a difference
So if you love me now, love me then
This is the time they will send

[chorus]
You're not afraid of being yourself
You taught me alot these last few years
You got me in a place
That's scarier than last time
But you were real, so getting on this time
[chorus end]

I want to fix myself. For years, I have been dismayed by provinces I have created in my head of places that only made me fall and slip. I want to be a better individual.

Over the years, I've realized that I lack loyalty. I've left a fiery wave of my own self delusion across this website and my real life friends. Now it's time to stop sulking, and start doing what I feel I want to do.

I do not fear myself anymore. My meditative hours will be increased to 8 hours a day. I want to be a better person forever. I am sick of how deluded, how crippled, how dark I have become. Despite all my beautiful personality, this needs to change. I cannot remain like this any longer.

I love you my fellow furs, to now, I indebt my compassion, and my real true loyalty to you to those who truly deserve it!

Is life unpredictable? Or a assortment of meanings behind it? So follows my recent relationship and how I want to move on.

How I wonder about the meaning really of everything that has happened to me. How I see, people who care, shun you instantly with no regrets, how things dissapear and start anew and you wonder why they were there in the first place. Where is my life truly starting? Atleast on a solid structure?

Atleast, there has got to be a meaning for this life. Atleast, then, we wouldn't feel suicidal, wouldn't we?

Otherwise, heart hurts, and I wonder why I wasted all my years so much into something that just became nothing really. Perhaps it's just the world is just a fucking cesspool of hate and the west culture is fucking shit compared to the east? I would figure.

People who look forward, and people who only live in the here and now. People who deliriously think they have and want something and crave it, and people who realize some things aren't special.

The people with the least resistence to pain, end up your typical lunatic crazy person with seemingly a 'amazing life' ahead of him, then there is those that feel true pain, that emphisize and end it in a way according to nature. The irrational people are those that have been taught or choose to not feel that way, the rational people are the people that feel things according to nature.

At the end of the day, one will spend his life getting somewhere whilst the other 'thinks' he is, but we're here but to teach and learn from our mistakes ladies and gentlemen. Escapism will always have a price.

So, I'm gonna admit tonight. After all the shit, all the badness, after perhaps... a whole month of meditation, years of meditation, I can say, there is a very special person, who I am in love with, despite all restrictions, boundaries, sense, sanity. It's simply something I cannot think or rationalize in my brain anymore.

It's  unknowcool Walter Umana Ticas folks, and yes, he may hate me but I can never really keep my heart away. No, it's taken me a week now, over months work of meditation, detaching, desensitizing, so much insanity. Yes, may the law, God and everyone forebode it, I am in love with this 16 year old to death.

Now, you may wonder why. This is because, seemingly it's one of those times you just find each other, you have a instantaneous perfect bond straight from the get go, yet, this is it folks. It's real.

I am in love. To the US, to Canada, to mostly every fucking country in the world, it's so wrong, but here in the Uk, a relationship with a 15 year old of my friend has been done, she's now 16 and that's the consent of sexuality.

I've tried folks, so I'd prefer perhaps if everyone, perhaps even if you do not really give a damn about me at all, Walter, shush, because, this folks, is a relationship, I KNOW I should've left years ago.

But human hormone, brain chemistry, won't work like that. Atleast, not for me.

Typical day for me isn't it? I swear I'm like Kurt Cobain sometimes. I'll have my emotional tantrums, flip out, say 'Fuck it, I'm quitting' and guess what? I come running back. It's a amazing way, but I'm definitely human. Childish at times, but who isn't? Who doesn't have emotions? Who isn't pissed about something?

So anyway, I'm awake and not all that happy, not all that sad. Positive and negative. Ingenious and thinking I could do better. Life is trying to be good and bad. I won't fake it as usual. I admit, I'm blunt but y'know, people have to get used to that. Why should or would be any different?

So I'm me. This is Brad, Stompy, whatever. I'm me. I'm a suitable person. Happy, in general. I got friends that accept me despite all the worldly trouble we go through all together. You know, sometimes, you gotta leave something behind at that high point, to think about it and go back. It's a human common reaction.

So I learnt a few things.

Oh, and happy new year. Felt nice to hear the fireworks go off exactly 5 minutes after I get on this computer last night.

Oh, yeah, awesome news by the way. My brother in law is coming out of jail in 2 weeks. All the shit you think can do to me guys to bring me down before or after that period will be futile, so do yourself a favor and quit before you know I won't batter a eyelid for it. I am happy. Gonna stay happy. Yep. No chance.

Leaving behind any shit to do any longer with online communication with people I don't know.

Forgetting every single person I ever met online.

Realising that 5 years of my life has been a mistake with every episodic person I ever met, and I was expected to know EVERYTHING I was meant to know, who and why.

Fuck you, honestly.

I've been the focal point of many youths in my life, my boyfriend, little brother, cousin, sister, brother and well, so far can I say it has been I've seen over a hundred times like alot of us, these kids are suicidal, wasting their lives, apathetically lost and alone and traumatic, distrusting the world somehow, no hope in the future.

I've tried helping them, I've tried giving them confidence, vigor, a lifehood I never had really. Something I thought, 'If you did this, you'd feel amazing for the rest of your life', but it all seems so delirious really.

Are the youths really lost? My words have been lost on them every time to be discounted for. Not so much have I probably seemed hard on them, I simply, realistically gave them the inclusion that their lives are in turmoil and they're drowning to their deaths, or pursuing such a negative lifestyle it'll destroy them.

But youths these days seem unrelentlessly stubborn, fixed to these self destructive patterns, eating at them, most of them I wonder how they would've survived without me or some kinda helpline. I do not see it as simply growing up anymore, but growing up in the same way, the next generation does not look like it'll forebode much.

We're hopelessly apathetic to the world, we're losing hope, a smile is worn where there is no real smile and we're all in denial, eventually, the intolerance of sadness, no pity and love to another will be so strong that eventually kids like this without anything or anyone will just grow up stone cold and hardened, leaving a facet of lack of care for the younger generation and lack of sympathy.

If anything, many youths today are actually probably savng each other like hedgehogs, witnessing their friends, best friends and some like brothers, killing themselves over internet bullying, sadness and rage in life. Numerous kids I've seen are ready to kill themselves, I've said their lives many times, but it seemed only hopeless for them to do it again and again. For my boyfriend, this was a extremely self destructive pattern that lasted for a unrelentless amount of years.

How can the generation last? Is parenting really necessary? I can say I was older in that situation, and yes, my 'reality' will hit and stone the pitiful souls of teenagers, but without me, without you, without their friends, aren't many teenagers simply knowing nothing of love, hope of life, survival? Without us I simply feel, millions are dying everyday to feeling deeply unloved.

My exposure to my young boyfriend has made me wonder if it would be possible for me to even be a father to my own youth, as, with outstanding patience of myself and trying to lead and coax him, my previous girlfriend too, it's led me to think, can I lead that which must be led? Without me, aren't they just faltering and drowning to their deaths in extremely self destructive lifestyles? I see only one day I would have to have a child of 16, and still I wonder, how could I do it? Where did I go wrong? Without me, without my son or daughter, wouldn't they have died and left this world alot sooner?

I've had my little brother come up to me, it seems only so realistically these days you'd catch youths as small as 3 seemingly smoking the highly destructive pollutant cocaine drugs, marijuana and whatever else. 8 is a commonality, it's sad to see. I've grew up with druggies all around me constantly as we all have. Men looking desperately for a escapism with no hope at all of the future because their lives have led them with no support for so long, these drugs in some form become their adoptive mothers and fathers, their source, their structure, their security.

How can one lead these youths who stubbornly remain in pity, doubt of themselves? If yet, they're young we can say, we're blind to the lifestyles they're living, the lifestyles I tried to save and I'm sure with how many teenagers are enclosing themselves like hedgehogs, desperately trying to save and lose friends and adults and parents are only left, perhaps even illusioned to believe it's 'nothing' which starts off this whole chain reaction of self destructiveness.

Amazing acoustic song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfrXCHgHPBo

Shut the fuck up about it being depressing now. It's got nothing to do with you sappy twats.

Don't you think it's hilarious how people, when you're at your most caring, see you at your worst?

Been a common story throughout my time and probably alot of others somehow. It's not a surprise you get these people like sociopaths and psychopaths anymore. When it comes to the blame, it's always the nice guy, then the nice guy isn't so nice and is left alone to boundaries somehow.

Maybe it's just I see this massive goodness in mankind, that slowly dies and reemerges again. It's weird. You lose all hope, regain it, lose all hope, regain it again. It's a hilarious stationary scenario of life.

It's as if thinking, DO I LOVE OR HATE YOU? DO I CARE. I JUS DON'T KNOW. o_O

Then there is this mystical place people frolick to, it's this 'impartiality' I think it is, they remain objective of the situation, and you sit there thinking 'Whaaaat? How could you say that!' and it just happens over and over. In truth, nobody cares if you are the nice guy, and if you weren't the nice guy, someone would kick your heiney. 'WELL ATLEAST WE CAN RELATE THERE BRO!'

Maybe conflict is the way of life to be honest. It's so confusing at times where to go, what to think, it's that, it's like we've got to be these robots you've probably noticed and it makes sense to be, being kicked when you're down, seemingly responsible for things that aren't even there, eventually, YOU KNOW the WORLD is asking waaaaay too much.

For firsters, I'm human 1.0, so, it's as if I'm really being kicked for being not the 'new evolutionary model' Guy: FUCKING SUCK IT ASSHOLE, YOU'RE TO BLAME AND NO ONE CARES! eventually, you get that metallic metal finger and think 'I was born with a sympathetic nervous system you know, but BZZZ everytime you kick me, it kinda dies more!'

It's all in the words really I think. I think we've become such a pussy culture and society we can't stand anything close to what would be the common reptillian instincts. Everyone is meant to be all calm, even when the asshole is shouting at you, you're meant to be always his shout post. OK I CANT HEAR YOU ENOUGH LETS TURN IT UP, you expect someone to be sympathetic and understand, but if you're unhappy, then no one is happy, but heres the funny part, no one gives a damn if you're happy too!

OOOOOOOH YEAH

True say. Had this my entire life. 'LAUGH AT THE JOKE AS I CHUCK YOU IN THE PEN! YOU WAS MEANT TO BE LAUGHING!' and you look back and think, 'Damn, he's so... wow... positive? Seemingly everyone is so positive? So lighthearted about life?'

Or is it just insanity?

Realized this now. People don't care what your necessities are, they always will want it their way according to their necessities at any given time, if it means yours. Yes. If it doesn't No.

Very subjective species, no?

So, I'm a bit screwed up about FA today. Yeah, people here...

I've been seemingly scapegoated for fucking absurd reasons. Ok, so I'm responsible for a couple of guys who were 'suicidal' because of me? How about fuck you, excuse me, does that mean the next guy you spoke to you had this pain a billion times before? Why aren't you dead?

Nah, I ain't gonna shut up. I was seemingly called a manipulator for the following reasons, how about a bit of amusement here folks?

Because I chose not to talk to a pathetically obscure little 16 year old kid and didn't wanna be in the relationship anymore, and then I'm responsible for hurting his feelings? How about suck it?

Because I didn't accept some drawing of some guy? And seemingly left out of insecurity that wasn't even bothered to be read about?

Because I chose not to rp with some guy?

Because seemingly I didn't remember the fucking scenario of some fucking prick where apparently I had met him before?

Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you people eh? What aren't you fucking DEAD yet with how pathetically and disgustingly fucking sensitive you are? What the fuck is this? CAN I NOT HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE IN MY LIFE TO LEAVE SOMETHING?

Guess what assholes? Yeah I'm fucking pissed? Pretty weird for a fucking manipulator isn't it? Shouldn't I be soft and persuasive? NO I'M FUCKING NOT!

Guess what! I chose not to be with a guy because of a drawing, then guess what happens? He's had a fucking panic attack, he's talking to his friends about me coming back to talk to him again and then I'm responsible for some fucking wound from some friend before? WHAT THE FUCK THEN DO I NOT HAVE MY OWN FUCKING CHOICES IN LIFE WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE YOU'RE BLACKMAILING ME BITCH?!

So I decide I don't wanna be in a relationship with some kid, what happens? Instant suicidal feelings he can't even remember about, I call him a liar? Guess what? It's broadcasted all over his fucking journal when it was sent across hotmail? How about suck my fucking dick bitch?

EXCUSE ME BITCH BUT I HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE IN LIFE TO DO WHAT THE FUCK I LIKE! AGAIN I'M FUCKING RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NOW?!

So I leave two or 3 people, out of a CHOICE TO LEAVE. Hello? Ok, so let's get this straight. I said CLEARLY I didn't WANT to be your FRIEND, and then you post a journal about it? I said each TIME I didn't want to be FRIENDS!

Guess what happens? Oh, won't you tell me the reason why we can't be friends? Because I can't sleep at night! Well boo hoo motherfucker! Guess what? I WANT OUT AND IT'S MY LIFE!

See whats going on here? Every fucking freedom of choice decision I get, it's always with some fucking impoundment of my fucking reputation and then some drama queen scenario happens?

Another asshole left me because I needed a break from a rp? Alright asshole? That's how you choose to leave it with telling all your friends exaggerated fucking shit about me? Who's so fucking manipulative now?

Honestly man, WHAT THE FUCK IS WTIH THIS SHIT EH?! I'm a honest guy! Each fucking journal and situation I came across, since I was 16 years old! I have been impounded with fucking blackmail of every decision I chose to leave someone with?! Oh, so you'll suicide, have a panic again if I choose this choice? Do you SERIOUSLY THINK THIS IS NECESSARY?!

And guess what else bitches? I'm considered the 'clingy' one in the end, pathetically disgustingly fucking 'CLINGY' You know how much I fucking hate that word and thing? I hated it for dear life when I was young, you wanna know what it feels like to have your parents stare you out like a freak and barely receive any attention? To sit on a fucking chair with not eaten in 3 days watching all dogs go to heaven? YOU THINK I WAS FUCKING CLINGY YOU THICK PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT?!

You're the fucking clingy pieces of shit! Honestly! Let a fucking man be! I am sick of this shit on fa! If you look clearly fucking everywhere I CHOSE TO FUCKING LEAVE YOU! Now next time you guess what I wanna suicide? FUCK YOU! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! I'm fucking sick of this shit! I have no freedom because seemingly pathetic people cannot STAND people leave? FUCK YOU MAN! I NEVER FUCKING LIED! I MADE FUCKING CHOICES OF A FREE INDEPENDENT PERSON!!!!!

Honestly man! Look everywhere you go! You people know me a fucking nough! You know me! I'm the manipulatot seemingly for hurting so many people and to be honest, I'm sick of being TROLLED OF THIS SHIT! I am sick of being harassed, avoided, confronted about it! How about suck it bitch? I am fucking pissed!

5 years! 5 years of this blackmail bullshit! It's my life bitch! I don't give a fuck if you're fucking some oversensitive moody teenager or some ultra sensitive cuddly person? Who give a fuck man? I chose simply not to be with you? I'm not your fucking mother or doctor! Why the fuck am I suddenly responsible for someone's LIFE when I fucking chose to leave something out of a honest, unmanipulative CHOICE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?! ARE YOU FUCKING THICK IN THE BRAIN!?

Realize when you see this, you're taking me as I am, how I am and how I will forever be. You realize what you're walking into and I am not a manipulator in any sense of the cost, if you truly believe I am manipulating you, you see my personality here and you see my warning I will be CONTROLLING when it is necessary; I WILL LEAVE WHEN I FEEL IT IS NECESSARY. I MAY NOT TELL YOU THAT I HAVE BLOCKED YOU TOO. There is no real firmness of my nature, I will be disloyal if I feel the other person is disloyal. Your attempts to persuade me against my intuition will NOT WORK.

Realize this is what you will receive. I am not a manipulator. Get it firmly in your heads right now what I say here. I will leave also if my way of life does not follow with yours, I do think myself as wiser as you in some accounts yes, I will not open to differences, I will see it as weakness. Understand this very firmly. We will not be the same value in friendships if my advice is not taken.

Friendships:

I am a happy glib person, witty and understanding, but also coercive and meek, I have my own rules and regulations I constantly follow with extreme integrity, but I am open willingly to assertive forms of control over me and your opinion will be taken when it qualifies.

Love is not a natural thing for me, I fall head over heels for it. I am very clever and clear in my understanding of others, I will not use glib and charm to manipulate them, but a coercing way of controlling them admittedly so they may live a happier lifestyle, or simply my lifestyle is to make clear what I want to see from other people and their lives so I can clear up things in them.

I am very coercive to my friends, very blunt, very with my opinion, I am a very outspoken individual. What you see is what you get. Once you knew me the first day, you will know my opinion from then on. My past history is my personality, it is all me. You know what you're seeing.

I will not make myself a fool in friendships. If I even begin to feel I am being mislead, I will immediately cancel the friendship with no regrets. Only the clear defining view of my opinion. If I felt I was wrong, shalt I return with no anger or spite and complete realization of my mistake.

You will know my point of view extremely rapidly. Shalt you speak yours and try to help me, you must realize that I will not allow myself to quel to your every opinion and rule as my integrity is very contained.

My views touch on the divine, spiritual, esoteric, philosophy, politics, I am very deeply with my intuition and most of the time there will NOT be in anyway anything of a Earthy nature of seeing in my friendships and relationships. You will not see what I see, you will probably not even understand what I am talking about. You must realize you will be blind of any practicality and must only blindly trust me and what I say, and follow it, or I simply feel I have no time to spend with you.

I am very controlling, if I see that there is something wrong with you that could be better, I will state it, if I do not get my way, I will see you only as more comfortable with a undefining view. I am not a open minded person.

I am not very moody, talkative yes and deeply subjective, very deep and foreboding in my speech. If you feel I am messing with you or perhaps am too reserved, you will understand I will not be much of a sensitive person, atleast on the surface.

My sun sign is Capricorn. What you will see is Capricorn. I can be a taskmaster, I can be very mean when I say bad things.

There is no loyalty truly with me except those I deem as loyal. You will not have a opinion to mention if I feel you're disloyal. It will be intolerated and once again, everything with me is based on the divine and spiritual and esoteric and deep nature of life. I will state solely you're a liar, perhaps even not and instantly block you. My views will or will not be heard and I will leave with no thought.

If anyone begins to even suspect I am a manipulator, please take in. What I tell you, is what you will SEE and will HAVE to expect from me. What is true for you will be true of everyone else. Everyone is equal, if they do not show expectation of my idealism, then they're but people who need to firmly gravitate to life.

Relationships

In relationship I am protective and controlling, sociable, practical and coercive with my opinion. You will know and see instantly I am a honest person. It is very easy to see.

I will not use manipulative superficiality or charm to mess with you. However, I will play with you a bit, a bit of glib and charm but mostly truthisms and strengths are of my calibre.

I am not really a practical person, admittedly times in the relationship I will hold to my own and expect something from the other person to follow my rules and regulations. I will ground them in stone as I find them helpful for me. My intention is to inspire outstanding confidence and vigor in others through my practical views mixed with positivity.

I am not shallow. I will expect you to follow to my views. I will expect you not to tie me down or make me stay. I hate above all getting too clingy and will be a free man. My own form of getting attention from you will be granting you freedom, but sometimes I will state suggestions. If you cannot take my point of view, you know instantly there is the door. There will be no hatred.

I am the same person day in and day out, however, my moods do change.

No longer to be fooled, lied to the same way, for I know without knowing. For I realize, for every paranoia, every leaving I ever left of people. Yes, it all meant something.

I was right.

I want some suggestions for anything that I can make of a new character mixed with a alligator/crocodile or shark. :)

Criticism ( development ) - 'I think you should work harder there'

Mocking ( degradement ) - 'You're so foolish you follow everyones schemes!'

Always good to remember, sometimes we think they're one and the same. But we can be hurt by mocking too, it's best to analyze a mock at times. Isn't it true what they're saying atleast despite the harshness of it on you? When you've reached that zen state or calmed down, it's good to think of that.

Just helping the youth out on here. Words can be very hurtful, I know, but this'll help you through your adolescene if you can figure it out. :)

That feeling of bleeding inside, it's so common to me now. The expectations of some at 18+ are so extremely demanding. Atleast, socially.

I feel like, sometimes, people can't see, entering the big wide world, no one really does grow up. More or less I think maturity is actually spiritual, it is more of wisdom and less of how old you are. Growing up, you really do have alot of people you appreciate, you expect the world to embrace you and hug you.

My whole life atleast, people have demanded excessively from me in ways I couldn't provide anymore. Ways now that I've taken up and realized they were right, but then, they were wrong. Some things are never worth it.

Some of us grow up to know that the social identity matters, being someone false and pretty for people. Some of us realize early to break free. Some of us have such demoralizing confidence in their 30s and 40s, even in their 80s, no one knows.

It does seem like the road to perfection is rather off limits. After a while, you realize all you can be and there is limits. You realize, something is deeply against you, to wear these clothes and do these things. You want badly to be you. The world can only take you so far before throwing you into a world of loneliness.

The most confident people I often think are the most lonely in this world. The people who're stars are often very insecure. I am one of those confident people. Someone to be a role model, people expect things of me, expect talent and showiness, they expect respect from me, kindness, at the end of the day, it's all in their heads and never facing reality.

It's like when I first entered this 'furry' world, it was through a accident. I found pictures of  Sparkythechu and well, you expect so much from these people at 16 who seem to glimmer with this holy light like they're Jesus or something. You really get petrified by their awesomeness. But at the same time, you forget that, he is but a person, a guy, living his life, you desperately expect something because to you, he can be like a idol, a god to follow. He is so good, pure, awesome, but you forget that he's just a man. Just like you.

It's times like these we look back and realize alot. When I was 16. I was, like any teenager, having that beauty about me, the confidence, the vigor, the excitement. I could talk and sway anyone. You look so darn cute at 16. Anyone could want and have you; you expect so much of other people. Sometimes, it's just clowning around.

We begin to realize when we're confident, we can't always live up to the people's needs and desires, we can't always do this and that, and that person is left to cry and be sad on their own. He can't be free we feel, so we panic about him.

At 16 the world can be such a dark place, such a scary place, you never know what's going to happen, your body is locked in the moment only. The future tense is lost. You never think that, things can only last so long. You have so much hope in the future though, in everything, you love and hold everything so deeply and dearly.

It's just led me to think today though, I deeply love people, but with my independence, people can shine a massive torch down on you, and it can let you down. When you want that person, you want them to be yours forever, your best friend, you want to relate and cooperate, be understood at 16 and congregate with others like you. Often it's why we get into drugs or alchohol or just do things we think are cool.

I don't think people remember that, I've just turned 20. This world, with it's expectations has been extremely critically harsh on me which has been I've realized, inhuman. It's been too much, some people see much or put on a pretender personality and believe this is good when it isn't you, but that's just me typically of my youth, taking things personally. Only when you're around the ends of your 19s do you even start to take things on the chin. For youths, personal is so deep a thing.

I feel very cruel to be fair. None of us when we're young even begin to think of how shallow, how cold we can be when we say things out of hatred to yapping youngsters. Even when you begin to remember, how you were mocked and had to bare that straight face but later had to cry, it's just awful I think, how sick I've been now.

Only just recently have I started to commend, as a youth, there has been too much I've been expected of, it's very scary and embarassing years. You really can't be yourself you feel. Only until probably 18 do you start to take boundaries.

I feel bad, I feel really really bad. Sometimes, even we adults I think, we don't even think. No, we don't. No one thinks at times when that mood is just so certain. When you're bottling something up. When you try to analyze that mood, the emotions can be lost on you as a youngster. It's such a sad thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVWazHTunSI

Amazing stuff of Evanescene. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj724rgtREg

I'm a duck, I don't give a fuck, I'm a duck, quaaaaack. =3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=aSNJ00iAZ7I&feature=endscreen

Yeah, so who gives a song if I like posting songs. :P Suck it bitches.

Edit: ^ Lol, epic curse there... no violin! xD

Edit edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=l8BRbM52gpc Sad but true, another epic song, again it suck it again bitches. :3 Love this stuff! aaaah!

I want to be nice tonight... since... I am not all... sane anymore...

Ok... I wanna say.. I'm a very fragile sorta guy... very sensitive... to opinion and things... and I'm not the best guy in the world, not suitable for things and normality... I'm not really sane in the head, can be crazy.

I wanna make some friends on here... I feel... I'm very misunderstood otherwise. Alot of people now I want to prove their loyalty as I've been around the equilivant of psychopathics, sociopaths and narcissists repeatedly online, and it's times like theses, my sanity isn't all it was at 15...

So... I'd rather if I met some very understanding friends.

Alright, so I wanted to give some thank yous to some people online...

 Lelouchutsukukitsu is probably one of the longest, deepest, most compassionate friends I have. I am so thankful for you, when everyone looked down at me, you was there, you listened and you're like your own person and stuff and I love you deeply, thank you friend.

 Gakuseigitsune is a friend who recently gave me alot of hope in friends on the internet and I was inspired to find alot of people out this way. I felt extremely lonely, frustrated as hell and suicidal before you came into my life, thank you.

 galefierre Was one of the other most compassionate friends I ever met on the internet, he was his own person too, I love him to bits and hope we can talk more buddy.

 Mud You have stood by me more than anyone else. You are completely loyal and awesome. Thank you. I appreciate you could forgive me particularly for my emotions on my birthday.

Alright, tonight I'm unsure who honestly is still reasonable to tell. But I wanted to say, because I admit, in the last 3 years, I've been around some people who made me suffer so extremely, it is probably my right I blame them now. We were and never will be right and anymore experiences from people who probably need deep help from me or who're suicidal, or way too much, I'm gonna stay the hell away from, ok?

I dunno who else is reasonable otherwise. I've not been a guy who got on with people, but they say narcissists can fester on the internet so...