http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxKXkVMvf0Q

From the troubles in my life! Oh! To find a better day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=KAzV2PxbzvA&feature=endscreen

Truth of this world

I don't really get the ostracization of this world anymore.

I see people, who treat people, and I've always seen it. People who to others seem like angels, but to me, I've been berated and been at my worst low with the very same 'angels', it's like people are absolutely blind to these people too. Trusting them so perfectly, overlooking every flaw. Even proof will never change them.

You talk to the very same people, you go to speak your feelings. They can always lay you down with how much scum and how bad you are, or barely even care, show no consicence or remorse for what they've done. Their actions in their case are barely what one would call suitable, but the people themselves expect to be pitied, understood and accepted for the same thing.

I'm talking of many people I've met. All my life. Just... seriously. Delirious as hell about how much damage they cause to the world, how much they lie, cheat, moan, and yet people love and adore the same person. Accept and give them unconditional love. It's like people are literally blind. Blind to reality, even when the reality is shown.

I've grew up in this world and I seriously always wondered. Why? Why was I beaten the hell out of, bullied, used as a slave and scoffed at so much I was suicidal, yet my mother pities and loves the same son who did it, the same friend who did it years later, and says I whine too much whilst respecting that same person as if they were god, or a angel or jesus christ?

But then, I've been blind. But I feel the world is blinder. I've been scoffed at so much, I see these people everywhere I go, enjoying their lives, getting away with it every single time with no true real reflection on their actions. They don't care. They can do it over and over.

It just makes me sick, and I wonder, why? How? Otherwise, all the good people are scapegoated and the bad guys are winning?

In the furfapularity show, enjoy your stay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pKyTfS45io

I wonder if the suggestive album cover can suggest Marilyn is a herm? Don't tell me to take it down, excuse me, this stuff is sold to kids all the time.

27th of december. It be mine. :) Yippee kai yay!

Y'know a raichu makes a better santa. :) Doing it chudem style. :P

Love you and accept you unconditionally when you're high, help you and criticize you with the full truth when you're low

How I live my life.

I love you all. <3 Thank you for all the favourites, watches, all your time and commitment spent on me. <3 So glorious to be alive. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTN2zuoZDvo My theme song guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXXc1n9QYJE

CHILDHOOD MAN. SPECIAL.

Yep. :) Free full colored pictures to get my grips with stuff that is different. Throw me as many requests as you want. They'll be done slowly in time and I think I can manage now my depression has faded. I honestly want to do this. :)

So request things here and away I'll go. :)

Glad I made alot of watchers and people I know happy on here these last few days. <3 Thanks guys for all your comments and love, I love you guys. <3 Thanks alot for all the love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08fyQcOcZE0

You know, when you fear a break up, and feel fearful of something?

I needed somewhere to put all the poetry and writing so obviously people can see my art lol. <3 Will slowly load it with my writing and poetry. :)

The name imo perfectly associates with my fursona and the depth and passion and intrigue of my writing with a little mystery and intrigue. <3 I'm a genius I know. <3 A pure genius. <3

 thethoughtsofmice

Edit: Alright, I admit, I am deranged from myself right now. Writing what I did, I've deleted admittedly all of the poetry I've done up till date. To be honest I wanted to end it. I felt nothing for it. Really. It was history, things about me, sure you could get to know me, but I feel enough it just contradicts itself, it's like a thousand different people writing at once, about things that lasted days and weeks, it wast to make people understand me, etc, it feels pathetic because all it is, is really, like they say a cry out for attention or understanding, and I am apathetic about it.

I really hate my past history, but surely if I wanted to do new poetry now, with new updated skills and the fact I wanna change so badly because I'm sick of suffering. The poetry I saw. I just hate. It wasn't even feeling it does enough. It was poetry that wrote on feelings that lasted for a day or two, and I want poetry that lasts for like, speaking of so much more. I just don't feel anything for it guys. I know I've hurt alot of poets, I know I've hurt alot of watchers, but I really don't like that poetry, because the consistency on its writing, it's untangability is lost on me.

Thethoughtsofmice will have new poetry, now my gallery is truly revealed to the world. But people will know and see the writing now won't be a fucking cry for attention. I feel dispensed by it. I feel nothing.

Edit: Actually, I will write stuff of bad things in my life because it is my journey and perseverence I write these things. It is my expression.

I also deluded myself into thinking my poetry was a cry for attention. Deluded by my associates it seems.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNY7fQSWfSw

To the end of this depression! *fist pump*

So, going back to that journal about super sensitive people. Well, maybe we're actually depressed. One definite candidate would be me.

I think to be honest what I've developed, perhaps around a year to a year and 2 months or more, is a serious extremely destructive depression that has destroyed pretty much all my friendships, contacts and people. I've stayed in like fuck, been lethargic and lazy, perhaps now on very weak terms with the most gorgeous love of my life  unknowcool thanks to the fucker, and well, obviously you know what is gonna happen next.

We get the shottie, then we get our twinkies, and we kill this bitch. AWWWW YEAH

Otherwise. I'm gonna be doing jogging on a treadmill for the next few months, get my life back in order and fix everything. Atleast as much as I can. I had thousands of extremely awesome friends here. Kinda hard to talk to a door or a wall? A block wall anyway. xD

So yeah! You could look back at all the months I've been a absolute fucking asshole as depression! I think it's been pretty latent now. My mood's obviously already improved, my positivity is high flying but I know with how I just 'keep thinking of the little things' I'm definitely depressed. Howeeever... not for long! Mwahahaha!

Facing this again, it's beginning to fascinate me

To identify yourself as different, is it so much the cooardination of non judgement, or that you're better somehow than others? Wouldn't identifying yourself as different comply you do not know yourself well enough to understand the reality of another person?

Recently, I've been mocked extremely hard by some who've pronounced some very disdainful comments towards me. One friend even acting pronouncingly above me, when years ago he was one of the friendliest people I ever met. He kept me added online after many break ups, but he'd throw comments of how 'horrible I was', how much 'above me in personality' he was, and far more. I've had numerous others too.

Imo, there is such a polarity of there being 'Difference as in non judgement' and difference coardinating to 'You're less than me, but we're all different, I know where you'll mess up'

Still, I've noticed there are people in this world who, admittedly like myself once, have superiority complexes. After years or months of being ridiculed, they remedy themselves by looking at all their good traits despite the bad ones and consider themselves different or special.

Now, this one hits home for me. Because, what is causing the pain really there? The truth in saying is said to hurt. Particularly I see this as true. Those people who really have been ridiculed and been hurt by it are often facing what I feel is a very psychological context of their character which they blatantly ignore and avoid. The then exaggeration of their strengths, and not fixing the problem then deduces arrogance and once realizing their strengths so highly, they're above others.

My own belief in sameness of everyone relies on these factors -

That everyone can do what another person can do, wether they're disabled or not, or that rationale can suggest the still human ethicacy or flawity inherent still in mankind, which can be fixed

That everyone can relate, or else, why is it truthfully you dislike the person so much? Isn't it really you dislike the truth of yourself? Truly you feel you have to chuck them out of your life seemingly for this case, feeling they're a blow to your lack of self esteem?

Otherwise, it's amusing how 'difference' presents itself. Is it really just due to a lack of self knowledge? What really makes the person feel offended by you or him? In truth, how can we say, anyone in this world is meant to cause anyone suffering, or is any less than anyone else?

Let us emphisize actually on that factor. Billions upon billions of human beings can consider themselves above others seemingly ridiculing the behaviour of that person and calling them bad. In truth, we were all genetically coded the same, since we all came from the same exact thing, and God created man to prosper.

Now, in truth, does this then make that person that is 'seemingly bad' a demon? Someone from hell? A subservient or the antichrist? How exactly is the person 'bad' and how truly does he denote suffering for others, simply by being himself? It is in truth people inherently think this person is born 'bad' and less than anyone else? I think yes. To be honest I think it perpetuates such a unease in the world it is why we as humans are so paranoid about the state of affairs in the world, driven into a state of fear and anger about the motivations of man.

So imo, if the truth hurts, if seemingly by nature when someone gives us a opinion of ourselves that we believe is simply not true or hurts us, particularly, we cannot say the person is 'bad' or we should stay away from? Because by rationale they're not the cause of our suffering. They simply speak words and seemingly we believe in ourselves this man is a threat to our survival or well being? I believe in these cases to avoid suffering we'll run for the hills.

But seemingly that person or event does keep coming back. It makes logical sense why now, right?

Imo, I then deduce in this that everyone can relate. It makes perfect sense. A true reaction of innocent difference in opinion would be distant confusion of someone's opinion to us, which probably is only so inherent in the youth.

It then goes on to music too, particularly, is music then evil? It is worldwide, something so common, it has been common for thousands of years. Do you truly believe that a genetic factor then makes people different? What really is the object doing other than existing? If someone can't stand the sight of trees, is the tree then considered evil? No, the tree is innocent and as much on the platform of existence than anyone or anything else.

Truly, I believe we're driven off from each other from really not wanting to see the truth of ourselves, for the truth hurts so deeply. I do not believe in difference of people for the fact, it is but your belief system that denotes something as 'bad', because the object, this thing is merely existing. It is music made by a fellow human being, a thing created by nature a couple billions of years before the cultivation of your existence; by no means imo does it even make sense since man has been around for billions of years, this thing suddenly is prone to causing pain and suffering for someone? Where in evolution, would genetics preplanned it as 'useful' to the survival of man to 'avoid this thing', haven't we truly forgotten the development of evolution was to avoid extinction, not feign weakness?

Sensitivity imo I've noticed too can be attributed again to this rectification of the truth. A real reaction of difference in opinion once more is confusion. 'What? What is he saying?' and a true and honest moral show of it. But otherwise, we find ourselves hurt? Why? Once more the person couldn't be or done something bad, and if so, why not analyze why he did it? I see it as the distrust of the motivation of man being the real reason why. Someone who has never been violent or never understood his violent nature, would question a person for his violence. Why? He would ask. Man is but a creature of knowledge and the unknown scares him. We cannot be a society that languishes on difference when this inherently would scare us. We're a society and culture and species that feasts for knowledge of that which we do not understand. We're attracted more or less to mystery and fantasy. It is why and how man touched fire and realized he was burnt.

So in this truth, we're all inherently the same, mystery I think is just fascinating and leads us to believe we're alienated from them but I ask for the communitity to speak of where I maybe having holes in my truth so I may study your own comments.

Let us not forget ladies and gentleman, all the anger and despiritness you feel with someone, all that anger, is inherently fear. Because anger is the source of all suffering, anger is brooded from differences you feel around you; also your anger is a fight or flight response naturally inherent to you. So what are you truly fearing when simply 99.9% of the time, there is nothing to fear? Wake up I say. Wake up to the truth!

Thank you.

When you see your best friends change, so informed of their weaknesses as they come out great guys, they cannot help but slander you, cut you down, degrade you, anything to look better.

I feel sorry for them, but then, it's times like these maybe they'll realize, one day, I respected them above all, they just didn't wanna think or believe it due to their extremely low opinion of themselves.

For people who've had amazing friends like mine, and watched them suddenly beginning to mock and lay it down on you with how much they see you as scum, realize, their insults logically, how can you even take it as criticism or something useful what they're saying? and if they hit at your flaws, then how much of the truth do they even know?

Just take the words that truly were helpful hit home for you. Don't let these people destroy who you are. Realize inside they just desperately have thought they were weak at every waking moment with you and desperately did it to find meaning for themselves. They're still your friends, it's just them. They need to realize reality; that you're not scared or phased by it.

So, I just noticed something kinda irritating but can be made funny, because that's how life should be seen, but otherwise.

My life seems like a distinct game of 'Dress up Stompy', or used to be, looking back, I was told to wear tracksuits, have haircuts I never liked and told to be a way that was basically dress up in itself 'Brad, get some new threads man, I hate that shirt', 'Hey Brad, get a haircut man' 'Hey Brad, don't talk like this' 'Brad, you didn't listen to what I said and I'm no longer your friend, toodles'

Right. So let's look at that. It's a story of a typical guy buying and doing things he wants, but somehow, ends up guilty for practically every little thing possible. Even the spots on his face aren't good enough from adolescene 'Sort out those spots Brad' Me: 'Dude, I ain't buying some spot cream when I got better stuff to do with my money'

I think it just comes with being a Capricorn really. Basically, if you look at Astrology, you always have a opposite sign you always contend with in life. Mine is Cancer, which is super sensitive, whilst I'm considered a guy with no feelings and pretty much duped for every thing, even when it is fair and understandable I acted, still the same old bad guy.

I just find it stupid but perhaps today I can actually gain some immunitity to how stupidly sensitive people are. Yes, I said it. Stupidly sensitive.

Mother: 'Your older brother said for all the years you've complained of having that youth with him, he said you never listened to him!'

Right mother. I was made, at one in the morning at 8 years old to climb out of a extremely tiny bathroom window where I could've fell to my death, then jump down a 5,5 drop when I am 4,6ft or something, I dunno, spend 3 to 4 hours in the cold, walking around with my brother who wants me to steal from shops, sit in a car for hours and do alot of stupid stuff at a garage. If I never stealed things right, I'd be smashed right in the chops with a clenched fist.

Ok, so, right, I was never Dexter was I? Actually, when I was young, I was often very slow, distant and in my own world, but otherwise, I was traumatized to death by this lad, petrified of being in the same room as him, because all I could ever smell is the acrid reek of cigarettes constantly on his breath, and sometimes admittedly I did find it funny to prank people, but I uphelded sensitivty I think this world or family never really understood.

It gets funnier, as I get older, I'm apparently this crazy ass bastard for every reaction I give out, when I was 8, my response often to orders was 'YES VINNY I'D DO WHATEVER YOU SAY JUST DON'T HIT ME!' in a petrified tone. Yeah, it's not pretty, but you'd get my older brother making me porridge oats in the morning, forcing me to be in the room with him because he was lonesome and needed someone to be forced to stay awake for 3 hours before going out in the freezing cold of morning to go do whatever he said. I've never slept soundly since. But it was just fun and awkward, no wonder I am that way, amirite guys?

Otherwise, my sister would get into fights after those years with me, mock me, somehow, these fucking kids somehow won out of every situation imaginable. You'd get your little brother hitting you in the back as you slept, mocking you for half a decade, and your reaction is then rejection and turmoil from your mother with no understanding at all, even after you said it, she still compromised! 'He's only young!'

Right mother, so I am admittedly 6 years older, but I am trying to sleep. I tell you my whole story of my youth to you too because you ASKED, but somehow, even when you're talking so deeply sympathetically to me at 8 years old, my older brother's opinion wins out by simply rationalizing I didn't listen; you'd rather see him as a victim. Oh, yes, boo hoo to Vinny. He didn't get to kill me or murder me after giving me death threats. I should've died? Right?

And so people, you know, as I get older, they know I was the kid who was dragged down the streets as people watched out of the window, but somehow, again, it's just cute because then, you're a kid, it's not really the fact you lived a bad youth. It's just the fact you're young, so it looks cute? You're not really sad, you just find it adorable, right?

Otherwise, I swear, on many occasions with no explanation said of why or how what happened. I was trying to kill my little sister for something as a youth, I get a freakin' spoon thrown at my knee at 10 or 11 that having hard metal smash your kneecap, and once more, you tell your sister later.

Often people wondered why I was so quiet as a youth. Honestly. Was never heard once. Never.

It gets better, I join online communitities, I try to mix in, I meet up in mirc to have a friend meet up with another friend, who then started talking trash to me like I wasn't even in the convo window: 'Yeah, Beowulf Z is fucking pathetic' or something. I knew the guy personally and saw him as a good guy too before that.

I've had people leave me for other stupid reasons too, seemingly, I cared too much, then too less, then even when I balanced things, 'I'm sorry Stompy, it isn't working' *block* and well, you know? Again, too fucking sensitive?

Often people wonder why I am actually so loud mouth, but if you look at my past, you can see why. I was the kid vindicted of everything under the sun. I was people's ragdoll 'Right! I got this new Stompy action figure! Lets get him to fight this other guy!', honestly, fights I was provoked into, I was thrown into detention for who knows what. I think it was standing in a hallway?

Otherwise, as you get older, how can you take anything seriously anymore? No one took you seriously. So I'm apparently this evil guy with evil humor, evil this and bad that. For crying out loud too, nobody actually asked why I was this way. It's just opinion thrown, you've been dethroned. I could use that in poetry couldn't I?

Otherwise, you know, a bit of that 'Son of a bitch' side I think was definitely needed sometimes. Imagine how hurt you are when people are talking behind your back, revealing every secret you ever kept. But there is two sides to Daoism as anyone knows, Yin and Yang, it's the mix people we need. Not how fucking 'bad' the world is.

Still, all these years gave me the ability to sympathize extremely well with people. The people who've been constantly degraded, victims, down on their luck people. It's just simply, there is no way to act with people I've realized. I was one of the most adorable little cherub children you ever seen, who had his zest for life flattened from a young age, and even at 13 when people know your history, your family will disputably say, 'Yeah Brad, but it's worse in Africa!'

So then, I find people suicidal, in pain, far more. Right. So I'm meant to feel sorry for you when NO ONE ever felt sorry for me? Maybe you could've actually asked me again when in your opinion I'm like this? 'Brad, you're so horrible! You're scum! Piece of shit! Crap! Motherfucker!'

The thing is, the years have made me strong, if not one of the most positive uplifting people on the planet. But friendship seems temporary, you know? I really can't fix the fact mate I gave you so much extreme love and warmth as a friend and just because you really didn't like it, when months later you tell me to keep you secure. See, it's not me, who should change. It's you who should fucking love yourself already.

Still, not all alone. I have my boyfriend who actually gets the picture with me. I think often most of the time on the internet I'm speaking to teenagers otherwise or get talked down to by them, because seemingly, alot of seamless virgins and people who pity can't see just what is really going down.

Otherwise, it's quite odd. Often most of my life it's been 'Gonna cry Brad? Boo hoo, stop crying Brad' before you seemingly see them bitching over a video game or something. But then, it's funny because I do show a face of effortless sensitivity, so people think 'What a pussy, weak', but if they had any idea how much fucking adamantium is under my cute little body, how much I can take, they'd understand.

Otherwise, it's my life. Forever a pariah. Forever lonely to probably 98% of the world, because seemingly people just have a problem with you, not my problem, seemingly I'm just a great guy to stick on a dart board 'Brad and his fucking cat that seemingly had to be pimping on my own, fucking Brad and his outspokenness' *dart throw*

I just find it different really. But I know many people like it. I think it just shows the true nature of the world. Ooh! Boo hoo! Cry for us! The whole world has treated us bad! Right, yeah, everyone is distrustful in your case. How many people actually lied? Honestly, you've been so deceived you've never actually started to figure it out yet? What a shame for you. Maybe people just actually didn't wanna listen?

Otherwise, that thing there. Seemingly, forever society's outcast socially, but you know, it's like that Billy Idol song, I do it actually, 'I'm dancing with myself!' I know I'm a Capricorn and all, but theres my story. You'll learn here to realize all that popularity of yours will never be too. Someone is always bitching, even when you're in the spotlight. Count your friends, not your money as I'd give.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVL1ekI1Yfk

Might try a animation of a devised music video. Just need to organize it somehow. =3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UaUUMQaKys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9w35uY0_50

You know all what happened. I told you already. A parting is never so; hate is but sickness for the soul.

Measure your worth not by your peers, measure your worth not by your expertise, but by how hard you work.

Every way is right. It will work.

Love is undying, unconditional. Hate is weak and but a phase.

True maturity is spiritual, not material; not of the wrinkles.

A man is but an angry child until he has faced his greatest doubt, succumbed to his demons, and only then does the greatest philosopher come out. Is his child-like innocence reclaimed.

The greatest fools are wise; the intellectuals only see what is lacking.

Love yourself before you love others. Look at yourself before you judge.

Take life one day at a time. There is no mastery to be earnt. There is no great and powerful future for you. Simply do as you would want to, and what you love.

Live in the present moment; only know in wisdom tomorrow is a day wiser.

Count not your riches, but count only your friends.

For you all:

Children are the greatest philosophers, follow the young well; know the child will forever exist in man.

In the hateful, the inner child is hurt, love, and the inner child is dancing.

The wiser men are like children, whilst the ones lacking wisdom are strictly adult.

Do not cry for today or tomorrow, live each day only like your last. Realize your suffering means nothing, and there is but bounty and plunder to earn in a dip in your own hell.

A man only cries when he has not seen the world enough; ignorance is but bliss. But may the fool learn ever more.

Sake is your friend.

Life is a burden only for those who carry and wear them on their backs.

Teach blindly, speak with no tact, in the end, it has more effect than what was held back. Show the truth. Let the inner child but resonate, for the child is wiser than any man.

Love your burdens; bite not the hand that feeds, so forth, your greatest hardships give you your deepest worth.

Every child is but learning, and man is forever one aslong as the inner child is crying. never hate and only love, even the foolish, for he will learn more than you'd ever
know.

Love only. Even to the ones who do not mean it.

Your greatest wrong can be your greatest right.

Sense is derived from nonsense. Man played with fire, and he got burnt, but man must play with fire to overcome sense. To but learn more.

The greatest failures are only stepping stones to your greatest success. Never, ever be hard on yourself.

A failure is more wiser than a success never earnt.

Love your failures. They made you who you are. Know you'll be forever wrong until God sees you right.

We will never be perfect men, but love every imperfection. Every falsity. Every lie and crack, for it tells a story.

Those who are left behind are often the men who end up far in front.

Never distrust a soul. Unless you feel danger.

The brain knows not the hearts of men. Trust your emotions. But even then, forgive. Eternally forgive.

People never part. They only learn to come back and remain. We're but family. All of us. Every single one of us; true family is never betrayed.

Men go out to the world to learn and bring back wisdom and foresight. Never hate a passing; he will surely return with love, experience and wisdom to teach you.

Walter Umana ticas is the sexiest and greatest man on earth.

No one gets left behind. If they are, they figure out how to get back in front. It always works. It will always occur.

Learn from your mistakes. Never forget history.

Never hate, never shun. Give only of your heart, and not of what must be done.

Hey fa, man I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking with the last post. Forgive me man. :( I think to be honest I'm just one of those youths who was having a cry out for love and respect you know? The ones raised in a dysfunctional family?

Forgive me please. :( I think I'm gonna leave fa and the communitity otherwise. I think I've done enough damage. True say, I learnt no one can see who you really are or your heart, but please forgive me. I weren't raised well.

Goodbye fa. I wanna leave this now. xxx

I'm a master of self deception it seems. I never lied to anyone. But I see now where my thoughts, imagination, and twisted irony of relationships and friendships broken.

I noticed I lie to myself during meditation and the ability to hear my thoughts. I noticed, in truth. If I were to lie to anyone, where did I take anything from anyone, other than having a seamless, sudden rampant paranoia?

This needs to be fixed; it will be. Fa.

I love you all.

A bro needs money to help with his little brother who is 6 and has latent tuberculosis, please see to him, a little 6 year old doesn't have to have his life end so prematurely tonight, you'll be saving a life.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4105942/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Q_cTWBt3Xc4&feature=endscreen