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Not making the same mistake
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm not willing to go out and make friends really anymore. If you wanna be friends, you can come to me if you trust me enough, and well, from then on, it's the future. I know you've got problems to deal with before you'll return to me years to decades later.
Anyway, I don't really care anymore. I care about you all because I understand it, but, if you like what you see. Awesome. I can make new friends and you can decide if I'm right for you yet, if not, you get to deal with your insecurities later and have unlimited forgiveness, as long as I feel you're trustable.
I'd just learn about the friendship anyway, decode it and look into it and learn more about humanitity with each friendship. I won't really hate anyone.
Right, just wanted to post this.
Anyway, I don't really care anymore. I care about you all because I understand it, but, if you like what you see. Awesome. I can make new friends and you can decide if I'm right for you yet, if not, you get to deal with your insecurities later and have unlimited forgiveness, as long as I feel you're trustable.
I'd just learn about the friendship anyway, decode it and look into it and learn more about humanitity with each friendship. I won't really hate anyone.
Right, just wanted to post this.
I love this guy
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm sorry baby, I'll never be the one for you
General | Posted 13 years agoI think to myself so many whys and hows why people are so literally like, angry at people for insecurities and for being a certain way. We're called weak, insecure, sad, depressive, but so freaking what?
So what if I'm weak and insecure? Who gives a damn eh? What does it mean to you? What's the point in reminding me of my bad traits huh? Just to make you feel better? Just cause you're so weak and depressed inside yourself?
I reckon it's pathetic really but human isn't it? When we feel knocked down enough the reptillian brain kicks in to fight for survival in a sense that it doesn't feel inferior to anyone else, the 'I'm better than you' cells kick in and before you know it, you're trying to raise your ego so you won't be seen as weak and picked in. But it's human and in us to do so.
But honestly, to rationalize it, what's the point? Can't you see there is no good in criticizing? I'm told I'm a attention seeker, think too much, feel too much, stupid and lost, seriously what the hell do you get out of it?
Sort out your fucking issues. Leave me the hell alone. I'm as human as you. Why point it out? Cause you distrust me? For no damn reason whatsoever?
Just a vent today. Sick and tired of seeing it. You and I ain't getting much out of this 'judging', we're all the same so why don't you just let people be? I don't give a fuck if I'm depressed, sad and angry and too sad to deal with, just go fuck yourselves because that's all you'd want to do at the end of the day, since you're 'so superior'. You ain't nothing but a ant on a ant hill with the rest of humanitity. We're no different.
I dealt with my issues and problems, still I'm creamed with this 'negative voicemail' crying at me 'Aww, you're so sad and depressing, fuck off, don't need you' well, fuck you too!
I'm just trying to live life, always did. I was never perfect and sure never will be, so guess what? You'll see me everywhere you go because that's the insecurity you'd constantly see till you can't stand it or isolate yourself, because you can't stand a moment of someone elses feelings.
I've been hearing things I've been before. I'm surprised, because at times when yourself, you're just begging to be hated, but guess what? I'd rather be scum to you than scum to myself!
So what if I'm weak and insecure? Who gives a damn eh? What does it mean to you? What's the point in reminding me of my bad traits huh? Just to make you feel better? Just cause you're so weak and depressed inside yourself?
I reckon it's pathetic really but human isn't it? When we feel knocked down enough the reptillian brain kicks in to fight for survival in a sense that it doesn't feel inferior to anyone else, the 'I'm better than you' cells kick in and before you know it, you're trying to raise your ego so you won't be seen as weak and picked in. But it's human and in us to do so.
But honestly, to rationalize it, what's the point? Can't you see there is no good in criticizing? I'm told I'm a attention seeker, think too much, feel too much, stupid and lost, seriously what the hell do you get out of it?
Sort out your fucking issues. Leave me the hell alone. I'm as human as you. Why point it out? Cause you distrust me? For no damn reason whatsoever?
Just a vent today. Sick and tired of seeing it. You and I ain't getting much out of this 'judging', we're all the same so why don't you just let people be? I don't give a fuck if I'm depressed, sad and angry and too sad to deal with, just go fuck yourselves because that's all you'd want to do at the end of the day, since you're 'so superior'. You ain't nothing but a ant on a ant hill with the rest of humanitity. We're no different.
I dealt with my issues and problems, still I'm creamed with this 'negative voicemail' crying at me 'Aww, you're so sad and depressing, fuck off, don't need you' well, fuck you too!
I'm just trying to live life, always did. I was never perfect and sure never will be, so guess what? You'll see me everywhere you go because that's the insecurity you'd constantly see till you can't stand it or isolate yourself, because you can't stand a moment of someone elses feelings.
I've been hearing things I've been before. I'm surprised, because at times when yourself, you're just begging to be hated, but guess what? I'd rather be scum to you than scum to myself!
I love life. <3
General | Posted 13 years agoJust do. <3 Everythings awesome. <3 Everythings perfect. <3
It's nice to be missing you
General | Posted 13 years agoCause I know I'm such a fool, but I know just being foolish is just oh so human
Hey
Sparkythechu If you ever see this journal, hey, it's dedicated to how I feel about you buddy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9M4cWrvPR4
Eh, 6 months now, well, maybe we'll soon realize I'm a true friend now, won't we?
Hey
Sparkythechu If you ever see this journal, hey, it's dedicated to how I feel about you buddyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9M4cWrvPR4
Eh, 6 months now, well, maybe we'll soon realize I'm a true friend now, won't we?
So I want to set something straight
General | Posted 13 years agoOver the years, as I've matured, many people and many still probably find me to be a bit of a odd job how I act. So I was willing today to share some explanations of who and why I am like I am, or have been.
I wanted to say I've come from a very traumatic childhood. There was a very heavy and unwanted, and even unnecessary leash on me, where I was bullied into oblivion by my older brother. 3-4 years it went on, I was forced to steal from stores and do mundane acts and always be around him like a slave pretty much, and not complying meant being thumped in the face or being beaten up, or even being told I was going to be killed.
Complaining meant having a hand over your mouth, but also talking to my mother about it led to alot of accusative things, I was beaten up even more when he found out, and thus I was begun to be blackmaled.
It's a typical youth of many. Yes. But there is the fact it led to alot of trauma, lack of escape and fears that had reduced all my once precious self esteem, confidence, my ability to assert myself and thousands of bottled up issues consumed for years.
Yes, you may say 'Brad you're too sensitive', I say, you have no idea what it was to feel like killing people, hurting others every moment and having deeply repressed and odd feelings every moment.
I dealt with the youth anyway.
But somehow, until perhaps today or still to be fixed, it has left scars that are somewhat yet to heal dear fa, and perhaps showing myself in my flamboyant way on this website left alot of you hurt, yes, because it induced in me a deeply repressed passive aggressive anger I didn't mean to use against you and using silence was the only way to get otherwise. To be nice.
Among that, there is trauma and a deeply ingrained fear of getting close to people, my mentality has often left people to think I am crazy. It is not the case, more it is the case of this childhood.
With my brother, friends who locked me in a goose pen at 8 years old as a joke, and other things, such as my family breaking up, we could say all three, left a certain chu, totally emotionally cut off from the world, where he would feel and think certain things all because his natural sense of safety in the world was completely obliterated. I parents divorced at 3 in a very painful break up, actually a argument right infront of me.
So we can say, I feared having friends and getting close to them, and also family. Now, what can we say dearies? We can say this youth caused me not to be one of the 'social lovable butterflies' of the generation, because of deeply repressed anger, hate and fears of myself and others. Particularly my trauma led me to think of things and fear getting close to people, even on the internet.
Of course I was fearful, because I was hurt here too by another youth near to me, whos break up to me seemed traumatic how he'd just change and leave me behind so perturbingly; admittedly I fear I left the same scars on many here. I cannot be sorry currently because I am still going through the paranoia.
For those who tell me 'Deal with it', perhaps you've not so associated with trauma or the chemistry of the human brain, we've been born all with brains, the ancient reptillian brain that naturally when we have something that hurts us, a mental shield is put up to protect us further. It is made and was made from the state when we were with dinosaurs in the triassic period and still is within us today.
But we can say more or less, it was the goose pen incident that caused a 8 year old like me to grow up paranoid, very fearful of getting close to people, very paranoid, alienated me from the world as I was locked deeply in my youth from the age of 8, with a very devastated mindset. Trauma in itself yes can cause imaginative fears to play up in your mind because the fear is so paralyzing you dare not go with the situation again.
Now, I am not going to publically apologise to FA. Because this hasn't been fully dealt with, but I have dealt with the trauma mostly, but please, for one moment please listen. To a deeply, disordered child who was pushed to the brinks of insanity and was a trauma victim, who in this case could not have ever had a youthful playful youth because he was terrified of everyone around him due to his deeply repressed fears and natural guard up?
I must say, we all go through these things, so, I'd just prefer if some of you please seen into this. Only until recently have I actually gotten over most of this trauma, the years from 13 to 18 have been insanity provoking, traumatic, suicidal and deeply depressive, but I have only just managed to get over a fear that since a child, alienated me completely from society.
Please study trauma, please realize it causes you to remain prone to being cold and numb as a streetlight, yet of course you deeply want that friendship, but it also causes you to think vague things and think unusual things. My mothers and fathers divorce was a argument of screaming, violence and anger right infront of me. My friend just laughed as I was locked in a goose pen with birds twice my size, I was mentally bullied by a internet friend with deeply discarding and alienating feelings. All of it made it so I could barely, truly get close to people.
I'd just like people to read and study trauma somehow, and please realize. I still want to be friends out there wherever you friends are, and it's to make sense of it in future.
I wanted to say I've come from a very traumatic childhood. There was a very heavy and unwanted, and even unnecessary leash on me, where I was bullied into oblivion by my older brother. 3-4 years it went on, I was forced to steal from stores and do mundane acts and always be around him like a slave pretty much, and not complying meant being thumped in the face or being beaten up, or even being told I was going to be killed.
Complaining meant having a hand over your mouth, but also talking to my mother about it led to alot of accusative things, I was beaten up even more when he found out, and thus I was begun to be blackmaled.
It's a typical youth of many. Yes. But there is the fact it led to alot of trauma, lack of escape and fears that had reduced all my once precious self esteem, confidence, my ability to assert myself and thousands of bottled up issues consumed for years.
Yes, you may say 'Brad you're too sensitive', I say, you have no idea what it was to feel like killing people, hurting others every moment and having deeply repressed and odd feelings every moment.
I dealt with the youth anyway.
But somehow, until perhaps today or still to be fixed, it has left scars that are somewhat yet to heal dear fa, and perhaps showing myself in my flamboyant way on this website left alot of you hurt, yes, because it induced in me a deeply repressed passive aggressive anger I didn't mean to use against you and using silence was the only way to get otherwise. To be nice.
Among that, there is trauma and a deeply ingrained fear of getting close to people, my mentality has often left people to think I am crazy. It is not the case, more it is the case of this childhood.
With my brother, friends who locked me in a goose pen at 8 years old as a joke, and other things, such as my family breaking up, we could say all three, left a certain chu, totally emotionally cut off from the world, where he would feel and think certain things all because his natural sense of safety in the world was completely obliterated. I parents divorced at 3 in a very painful break up, actually a argument right infront of me.
So we can say, I feared having friends and getting close to them, and also family. Now, what can we say dearies? We can say this youth caused me not to be one of the 'social lovable butterflies' of the generation, because of deeply repressed anger, hate and fears of myself and others. Particularly my trauma led me to think of things and fear getting close to people, even on the internet.
Of course I was fearful, because I was hurt here too by another youth near to me, whos break up to me seemed traumatic how he'd just change and leave me behind so perturbingly; admittedly I fear I left the same scars on many here. I cannot be sorry currently because I am still going through the paranoia.
For those who tell me 'Deal with it', perhaps you've not so associated with trauma or the chemistry of the human brain, we've been born all with brains, the ancient reptillian brain that naturally when we have something that hurts us, a mental shield is put up to protect us further. It is made and was made from the state when we were with dinosaurs in the triassic period and still is within us today.
But we can say more or less, it was the goose pen incident that caused a 8 year old like me to grow up paranoid, very fearful of getting close to people, very paranoid, alienated me from the world as I was locked deeply in my youth from the age of 8, with a very devastated mindset. Trauma in itself yes can cause imaginative fears to play up in your mind because the fear is so paralyzing you dare not go with the situation again.
Now, I am not going to publically apologise to FA. Because this hasn't been fully dealt with, but I have dealt with the trauma mostly, but please, for one moment please listen. To a deeply, disordered child who was pushed to the brinks of insanity and was a trauma victim, who in this case could not have ever had a youthful playful youth because he was terrified of everyone around him due to his deeply repressed fears and natural guard up?
I must say, we all go through these things, so, I'd just prefer if some of you please seen into this. Only until recently have I actually gotten over most of this trauma, the years from 13 to 18 have been insanity provoking, traumatic, suicidal and deeply depressive, but I have only just managed to get over a fear that since a child, alienated me completely from society.
Please study trauma, please realize it causes you to remain prone to being cold and numb as a streetlight, yet of course you deeply want that friendship, but it also causes you to think vague things and think unusual things. My mothers and fathers divorce was a argument of screaming, violence and anger right infront of me. My friend just laughed as I was locked in a goose pen with birds twice my size, I was mentally bullied by a internet friend with deeply discarding and alienating feelings. All of it made it so I could barely, truly get close to people.
I'd just like people to read and study trauma somehow, and please realize. I still want to be friends out there wherever you friends are, and it's to make sense of it in future.
I find this hilarious
General | Posted 13 years agoWhy the hell, are people on this website, who judge and discriminate against gay people, and remain here?
HAHAHAHAHAA...
Oh gosh... it's like... fuck... was you expecting a ice cream truck or martial law? Seriously, why even ask the question? You see cocks, balls, asses, naked anthropomorphic specimens wherever you go, and you ask me if I'M gay?
HAHAHAHAHAHA...
Oh gosh, you... people are hilarious... You draw mouths, asses, you draw cocks, you draw sex scenes, and you are NOT gay? Dear gosh. Ok, I've been a people pleaser before, we can fess up, but, honestly, DISCRIMINATION?
Discrimination on a open website communitity? How can you even feat intimacy when intimacy is the keyword that works here, particularly connection?
Gosh. I just... hahahaha...
Hey, ok, some people are not here for the fetishes and all that, but alright. There is that too.
It's just... dear gosh, if you're around this communitity, ok, I'm not discriminating but i imagine most people will stay the hell away from the stuff, but ok, I'm gay and stuff personally, but seriously, I don't know...
I think just fearing intimacy and getting close to people, maybe you should umm, stop people noting you or something and sending you comments, because then it kinda evaluates you as a watcher? Right?
I don't know... I just think, ok, maybe you hate fetishes, ok, there is that... but, I don't know, I guess it goes back to my previous journal.
Do you see that part between your legs? That is yours. Oh yes, they're gays out there who do know to keep their hands to themselves. But honestly, please, the site is showered with homosexuals and we have as much a part in this communitity as you, despite I like to think everyone as the same.
But seriously, drawing a cock, touching my ass or whatever mid rp, or just favouriting stuff. Ok, it's kinda obvious you have to be wary. But then, what I just said made no sense... wheee...
But yeah, I'm aware people are intolerant of the fetishes, but, art is expression right?
I just don't know, maybe we shouldn't fear intimacy as much? If I was gay, ok, yeah, bad experiences, there is that.
All I'll like to do is broadcast... is that some gayfurs out there aren't always ready to grab your ass as you walk out of the room, but alright... whatever.. bad experiences I know how it feels.
HAHAHAHAHAA...
Oh gosh... it's like... fuck... was you expecting a ice cream truck or martial law? Seriously, why even ask the question? You see cocks, balls, asses, naked anthropomorphic specimens wherever you go, and you ask me if I'M gay?
HAHAHAHAHAHA...
Oh gosh, you... people are hilarious... You draw mouths, asses, you draw cocks, you draw sex scenes, and you are NOT gay? Dear gosh. Ok, I've been a people pleaser before, we can fess up, but, honestly, DISCRIMINATION?
Discrimination on a open website communitity? How can you even feat intimacy when intimacy is the keyword that works here, particularly connection?
Gosh. I just... hahahaha...
Hey, ok, some people are not here for the fetishes and all that, but alright. There is that too.
It's just... dear gosh, if you're around this communitity, ok, I'm not discriminating but i imagine most people will stay the hell away from the stuff, but ok, I'm gay and stuff personally, but seriously, I don't know...
I think just fearing intimacy and getting close to people, maybe you should umm, stop people noting you or something and sending you comments, because then it kinda evaluates you as a watcher? Right?
I don't know... I just think, ok, maybe you hate fetishes, ok, there is that... but, I don't know, I guess it goes back to my previous journal.
Do you see that part between your legs? That is yours. Oh yes, they're gays out there who do know to keep their hands to themselves. But honestly, please, the site is showered with homosexuals and we have as much a part in this communitity as you, despite I like to think everyone as the same.
But seriously, drawing a cock, touching my ass or whatever mid rp, or just favouriting stuff. Ok, it's kinda obvious you have to be wary. But then, what I just said made no sense... wheee...
But yeah, I'm aware people are intolerant of the fetishes, but, art is expression right?
I just don't know, maybe we shouldn't fear intimacy as much? If I was gay, ok, yeah, bad experiences, there is that.
All I'll like to do is broadcast... is that some gayfurs out there aren't always ready to grab your ass as you walk out of the room, but alright... whatever.. bad experiences I know how it feels.
Yeah, I'm gay, so you know
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm gay for all people who ask that fucking question anymore.
Yes, it's blatantly bloody obvious. But when it means the destruction of friendships and elsewhere. Yeah. I know whoever you are, you got some serious growing up to do.
Still up for believing everyons is the same, but bro, I'm not in the playground anymore, and you need time to see that. All of this stereotypical bullshit can fuck off. I'm a human being, and you're all the same as me.
No, it doesn't mean I'm gonna touch your pelvis parts, but maybe you're gay yourself because you're fantasizing about it? Yeah, I know what I say hurts. Because you really want my cock in your ass because deep down, you think it's so wrong, but you feel it's so right.
Hell, I often see those who fear being gay most turn out to be gay themselves. Anyway, this shit happens. Bit of a 'admittence' because I get bothered by it currently. Ain't gonna whine much more.
Anyways, seems most of you are terrified I'm gonna rape you in the street or something, probably thinking I'll rub my hands on your lap or kiss you on the cheek.
To be honest, I'm not good with showing public affection, so fuck you. 2. I don't touch people unless I feel they want me to, and I am equilivant to a doll, sitting there lifelessly in public, more part of the room and furniture than actually being some 'COME ON, SUCK MY COCK! STICK IT IN THERE'
You know, I just think it's actually sick? What you think of me? I would never do that to a man, but I've seen enough friendships die because of this 'facade', fuck, I must be contagious because seemingly that's how you see me. A bacterial germ.
You got some serious growing up to do anyway, maybe even some admittence problems. When you're actually willing to be a friend not think you're going to be raped by me? Then we'll be friends, not having you cower in the room at my affection like it's beauty and the fucking beast.
I'm a friend damn it, I'm not going to suck your damn cock. I'm fucking sick of this shit, all of you fuckers can go die for all you said to me and leaving me because of that. You can drop dead. I am sick of this. 2 years I've been here. I am done.
Fuck off.
Yes, it's blatantly bloody obvious. But when it means the destruction of friendships and elsewhere. Yeah. I know whoever you are, you got some serious growing up to do.
Still up for believing everyons is the same, but bro, I'm not in the playground anymore, and you need time to see that. All of this stereotypical bullshit can fuck off. I'm a human being, and you're all the same as me.
No, it doesn't mean I'm gonna touch your pelvis parts, but maybe you're gay yourself because you're fantasizing about it? Yeah, I know what I say hurts. Because you really want my cock in your ass because deep down, you think it's so wrong, but you feel it's so right.
Hell, I often see those who fear being gay most turn out to be gay themselves. Anyway, this shit happens. Bit of a 'admittence' because I get bothered by it currently. Ain't gonna whine much more.
Anyways, seems most of you are terrified I'm gonna rape you in the street or something, probably thinking I'll rub my hands on your lap or kiss you on the cheek.
To be honest, I'm not good with showing public affection, so fuck you. 2. I don't touch people unless I feel they want me to, and I am equilivant to a doll, sitting there lifelessly in public, more part of the room and furniture than actually being some 'COME ON, SUCK MY COCK! STICK IT IN THERE'
You know, I just think it's actually sick? What you think of me? I would never do that to a man, but I've seen enough friendships die because of this 'facade', fuck, I must be contagious because seemingly that's how you see me. A bacterial germ.
You got some serious growing up to do anyway, maybe even some admittence problems. When you're actually willing to be a friend not think you're going to be raped by me? Then we'll be friends, not having you cower in the room at my affection like it's beauty and the fucking beast.
I'm a friend damn it, I'm not going to suck your damn cock. I'm fucking sick of this shit, all of you fuckers can go die for all you said to me and leaving me because of that. You can drop dead. I am sick of this. 2 years I've been here. I am done.
Fuck off.
The truth I have learnt
General | Posted 13 years agoI am coming back, only to realize perhaps a intense and natural truth of life.
For tonight, I have learnt, that you are yes, still all my brothers and sisters and family to me, but I also learnt to listen as of tonight. I've realized everyone and everything no matter how small have something to say in opinion.
I've realized that we're all right in our own way. Everyone has something to say and I admit, I'm no longer stubborn. I'm willing to listen to everyone of you. Even my enemies and worst hated people because even you have something to say. I say this because we're all the same. Exactly the same.
I've realized Earth is like a ant hill. But anyway, I'm willing to listen to all of you whatever you opinion wise, because I believe everyone has a point of view to share.
I mean, if anyone is lying, I am trust my emotions so yeah. Big development for me and yeah, it was all worth it to realize.
We all fuck up sometimes, so yeah, I accept mistakes in others now. No more 'perfectionism', but still, we're all innocent sensitive creatures inside and everything is right. If people don't accept it I believe everyone just has that time to change.
So yeah, I accept and love all of you. :) If you accept my fuck up, I'll accept yours. :P If not I'd just wait till you do because I believe whos up high has a big fall like meeee~ x3
For tonight, I have learnt, that you are yes, still all my brothers and sisters and family to me, but I also learnt to listen as of tonight. I've realized everyone and everything no matter how small have something to say in opinion.
I've realized that we're all right in our own way. Everyone has something to say and I admit, I'm no longer stubborn. I'm willing to listen to everyone of you. Even my enemies and worst hated people because even you have something to say. I say this because we're all the same. Exactly the same.
I've realized Earth is like a ant hill. But anyway, I'm willing to listen to all of you whatever you opinion wise, because I believe everyone has a point of view to share.
I mean, if anyone is lying, I am trust my emotions so yeah. Big development for me and yeah, it was all worth it to realize.
We all fuck up sometimes, so yeah, I accept mistakes in others now. No more 'perfectionism', but still, we're all innocent sensitive creatures inside and everything is right. If people don't accept it I believe everyone just has that time to change.
So yeah, I accept and love all of you. :) If you accept my fuck up, I'll accept yours. :P If not I'd just wait till you do because I believe whos up high has a big fall like meeee~ x3
What did I do...
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm just... so fed up...
I swear... I want... one friend... who actually wants to be with me emotionally and trusts me... yes, I know you've had traumatic childhoods, I know the world is dark, but I swear... did I not give you a friend from fantasy land and you threw him away?
I'm just done. I'm done. I'm so done.
If you distrust me or show silence, there, I'm blocking you. I'm done. I've had enough. All I fee is fear from everyone and I've shown what I wanted to see, just to get paranoia and fear rubbed in my fear. Honestly, I'm done.
I want a friend who gives me a chance. I really do. I don't want no more paranoia business. I want to be close to people and share emotions with them and be happy with them.
I will not tolerate anything else.
Edit:
Actually, goodbye. I'm done with this. You can tell me all your stupid opinionated bullshit all you want of who I am, the whole lot of you. I am done.
I saw myself as a true and very devoted friend, but I see my gratitude for me isn't here, your hearts are bleak with past experiences and gossip spread about me, and if you don't honestly want to listen to this chu, then fine.
I'm done. Goodbye Furaffinity. It's been a nice 3 years because I found atleast two friends who were real, and it wasn't scum like Sparky, yeah I'll say it? What are you gonna do? Come to my house and KILL ME?
HA! FUCK YOU ALL!
I swear... I want... one friend... who actually wants to be with me emotionally and trusts me... yes, I know you've had traumatic childhoods, I know the world is dark, but I swear... did I not give you a friend from fantasy land and you threw him away?
I'm just done. I'm done. I'm so done.
If you distrust me or show silence, there, I'm blocking you. I'm done. I've had enough. All I fee is fear from everyone and I've shown what I wanted to see, just to get paranoia and fear rubbed in my fear. Honestly, I'm done.
I want a friend who gives me a chance. I really do. I don't want no more paranoia business. I want to be close to people and share emotions with them and be happy with them.
I will not tolerate anything else.
Edit:
Actually, goodbye. I'm done with this. You can tell me all your stupid opinionated bullshit all you want of who I am, the whole lot of you. I am done.
I saw myself as a true and very devoted friend, but I see my gratitude for me isn't here, your hearts are bleak with past experiences and gossip spread about me, and if you don't honestly want to listen to this chu, then fine.
I'm done. Goodbye Furaffinity. It's been a nice 3 years because I found atleast two friends who were real, and it wasn't scum like Sparky, yeah I'll say it? What are you gonna do? Come to my house and KILL ME?
HA! FUCK YOU ALL!
YES I AM SO HAPPY!!!! <3
General | Posted 13 years ago
unknowcool Has got his tablet! <3 I hope you enjoy your gift hun, I can feel you absolutely love it baby. <3<3I love you forever baby. <3<3 Please do enjoy your tablet sweetie! <3 I love you so much! <3 You make my world! <3
I can feel your excitement Walter, I know you love that tablet! <3
Damn I feel so happy! <3
I'm going in for the kill, I'm doing it for a dream...
General | Posted 13 years agoMy dream for FA dominatio- I mean....
General | Posted 13 years agoSo, my goal, mwahahaha, is to bring out a growth in a Raichu population or likelihood of expanding the Raichu fanart here, for so long I've felt something has been missing and I'd like to takeover- I mean, I'd like to introduce new art here! x3
For so long this has been my dream of expanding the Raichu art on fa and admittedly, it's not Stompy I'd like to represent, but more the likelihood of more Raichu fanart being spread, possibly influencing members to do the same. Ok, I admit it, I'm a bad liar. :3 I wanna be a dictator of sorts. :3
I'd just really love to start spreading more chu fanart around FA. x3 Admittedly, it shouldn't do much damage or would hurt too much to have that dream. Mostly my conversion will be affronted with my art. :3
Hope you people enjoy, I really would love to see more Raichu fanart on FA. <3 No, I don't wanna push, but I hope my stuff manages to sink in good. :3
Otherwise, tis is my dream.
I hope you enjoy! I will be enjoying you and the stuff you show! Please show more Raichu fanart! Let's take over fa and form a mob through the- I mean lets get Raichu's name out! x3
And Stomp that little Pika- I mean... if we work hard, we can work towards world peace with pikachu! x3
Ok, I have a cynical desire for Raichu to be the best, because I am admittedly selfish and delusional and crazy. :3 And I want Stompy to be the friend for the operation. :3 Friend. Not leader. I'm not a good leader. x3 I don't like leading or pushing!
*dissapears and has a image of Raichus marching through the streets with this song playing with Stompy infront* No one will know... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZe9YxJNs48
For so long this has been my dream of expanding the Raichu art on fa and admittedly, it's not Stompy I'd like to represent, but more the likelihood of more Raichu fanart being spread, possibly influencing members to do the same. Ok, I admit it, I'm a bad liar. :3 I wanna be a dictator of sorts. :3
I'd just really love to start spreading more chu fanart around FA. x3 Admittedly, it shouldn't do much damage or would hurt too much to have that dream. Mostly my conversion will be affronted with my art. :3
Hope you people enjoy, I really would love to see more Raichu fanart on FA. <3 No, I don't wanna push, but I hope my stuff manages to sink in good. :3
Otherwise, tis is my dream.
I hope you enjoy! I will be enjoying you and the stuff you show! Please show more Raichu fanart! Let's take over fa and form a mob through the- I mean lets get Raichu's name out! x3
And Stomp that little Pika- I mean... if we work hard, we can work towards world peace with pikachu! x3
Ok, I have a cynical desire for Raichu to be the best, because I am admittedly selfish and delusional and crazy. :3 And I want Stompy to be the friend for the operation. :3 Friend. Not leader. I'm not a good leader. x3 I don't like leading or pushing!
*dissapears and has a image of Raichus marching through the streets with this song playing with Stompy infront* No one will know... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZe9YxJNs48
New upcoming update
General | Posted 13 years agoI've completely dedesigned Stompy and now am including a new reference sheet, he is totally now completely to my style and admittedly, I feel extremely happy with what I've created. :) Current form recreated is Feral, not anthro yet, but I reckon the intervals of Anthro and feral forms might look similar. Admittedly delays have been settled on getting a tablet and it isn't so yet, and I don't see it professional to send in but a sketch of the sheet just yet without color, and admittedly I need a scanner to send it in currently still. admittedly however, I want to get a particular tablet that I'll see I'll never have to use that scanner again. :3
On other news, feeling very alone right now, so alone, to think... to feel... more... your friends dislike you, and a deep loneliness has settled in...
My Angst Vent Song for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPFPRSZDXp0
On other news, feeling very alone right now, so alone, to think... to feel... more... your friends dislike you, and a deep loneliness has settled in...
My Angst Vent Song for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPFPRSZDXp0
I've figured out
General | Posted 13 years agoI'll never want too much attention on this website it seems, but I enjoy the fans and friends I have. :)
Somehow my brain finds it extremely irritating to find crowds of people around me as I do not tolerate too many at once; this goes for msn too. I apologise if I have to leave msn as this particularly drives me crazy and I need to be alone after a while. :)
I hope all of you know who expect me to be popular and stuff and all these high expectations of me, they'll never be true due to this factor. :)
Thank you for all your time and comments, I love you all. :)
Somehow my brain finds it extremely irritating to find crowds of people around me as I do not tolerate too many at once; this goes for msn too. I apologise if I have to leave msn as this particularly drives me crazy and I need to be alone after a while. :)
I hope all of you know who expect me to be popular and stuff and all these high expectations of me, they'll never be true due to this factor. :)
Thank you for all your time and comments, I love you all. :)
Who knew
General | Posted 13 years agoIt'd take several months of meditation just to learn to get over people and losing them. Who knew that I'd lose my friends.
*sigh* Maybe... just... for... once... I'm.. at peace. They're gone. Finally.
*sigh* Maybe... just... for... once... I'm.. at peace. They're gone. Finally.
Trippy but awesome ( mlp )
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E20jsywkLaY&feature=watch-vrec
A music video I found. :3 Oh gosh!
More music videos! Oh gosh! :3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ay_1IZGxMaA&feature=related
A music video I found. :3 Oh gosh!
More music videos! Oh gosh! :3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ay_1IZGxMaA&feature=related
Woohoo!
General | Posted 13 years agoSomething hilarious
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uB1D9wWxd2w
I'd love to direct a scene of a movie with this song where as the drums come in, this occurs:
the scene is there is a woman sitting alone on a chair in a house on a computer and she is my cheating girlfriend, I start hacking the door to the beat of the drums with a big massive axe, and I come in singing the song as I try to kill her and chase after her smashing the tv, computer and house and tv up, all to the distant irony of killing a girlfriend whilst having a big grin on my face and a psychotic look. :P
I'd love to direct a scene of a movie with this song where as the drums come in, this occurs:
the scene is there is a woman sitting alone on a chair in a house on a computer and she is my cheating girlfriend, I start hacking the door to the beat of the drums with a big massive axe, and I come in singing the song as I try to kill her and chase after her smashing the tv, computer and house and tv up, all to the distant irony of killing a girlfriend whilst having a big grin on my face and a psychotic look. :P
I can make you hurt...
General | Posted 13 years agoMe and my baby have made up!
General | Posted 13 years agoWith a bond stronger than ever before! Complete trust! Faith! And I am now also his sex slave. :3
Stompychu is owned by 
unknowcool ^^
Stompychu is owned by unknowcool ^^Nice song. ^^
General | Posted 13 years agoIsh a sad chu chu
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm just gonna say it now
General | Posted 13 years agoAlright fa, I've had enough, because I feel like this every single day and well, I love the furry fa, or have done and admittedly, I just feel like recently I've caused all of you to be I'm some selfish 'don't need anyone' guy.
Admittedly, I'm just bloody super sensitive but lately, I don't know. I mean, I love you all but I admit, I ain't perfect.
I mean, ok, I have occasions where I tend to walk off and do something stupid, I tend to think things and stuff, and well, ok, sure enough when I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I come back running, but please, I honestly am confused.
I have something called a 'life', yes, I do things on my own and I don't think people really have got this yet. I mean, I've done things like maybe I left a rp, and then some guy or more went mad, and I didn't accept a friendship or two and got journal spammed with it?
Deep down, I love you all, sincerely. I just think, I need people to trust their emotions on it. Yes I know my feelings and how you see me contradicts itself. I know I do a Houdini act. I know. Just if you're gonna judge me, we'll never see the light of day.
I mean, I am truly sensitive to you people. Really, really sensitive. I love helping you people. I love having a laugh. But it just feels like, stuck in this corner of fa, like you can't make friends because you feel like everyone hates you?
I mean, admittedly, I've got a temper, emotions and stuff and I speak my mind where it ain't welcome, but I still see myself giving endlessly warmth and compassion and sweetness, but I was the victim of a brother who used to make me his bitch. Do you honestly think I am going to walk peacefully with that? How the hell do you think you'd feel being chased down the street when your brother chased you down the street threatening to kill you beforehand? Do you honestly think it's easy getting close?
No, I am not a fucking slutty Raichu who'd do whatever you damn please but I still like making people happy. I will make people happy. I would draw for people. I like giving kindness love and compassion but I also appreciate showing a joke and yes my personality contradicts itself and well, I really would appreciate if some went with my flow perhaps? Like if you didn't get all giddy and shit about 'OH MY FUCKING GOSH HE'S THE BEST HE'S AWESOME!' I know I'm a good person but please, I swear, I get moody.
I love you all, I just feel really intolerated. I ain't gonna bring up names and gossip like most of you so called 'pop-u-furs' have but seriously, I'm speaking my mind tonight. This has made me mad, pissed me off and I've had enough.
Admittedly, I'm just bloody super sensitive but lately, I don't know. I mean, I love you all but I admit, I ain't perfect.
I mean, ok, I have occasions where I tend to walk off and do something stupid, I tend to think things and stuff, and well, ok, sure enough when I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I come back running, but please, I honestly am confused.
I have something called a 'life', yes, I do things on my own and I don't think people really have got this yet. I mean, I've done things like maybe I left a rp, and then some guy or more went mad, and I didn't accept a friendship or two and got journal spammed with it?
Deep down, I love you all, sincerely. I just think, I need people to trust their emotions on it. Yes I know my feelings and how you see me contradicts itself. I know I do a Houdini act. I know. Just if you're gonna judge me, we'll never see the light of day.
I mean, I am truly sensitive to you people. Really, really sensitive. I love helping you people. I love having a laugh. But it just feels like, stuck in this corner of fa, like you can't make friends because you feel like everyone hates you?
I mean, admittedly, I've got a temper, emotions and stuff and I speak my mind where it ain't welcome, but I still see myself giving endlessly warmth and compassion and sweetness, but I was the victim of a brother who used to make me his bitch. Do you honestly think I am going to walk peacefully with that? How the hell do you think you'd feel being chased down the street when your brother chased you down the street threatening to kill you beforehand? Do you honestly think it's easy getting close?
No, I am not a fucking slutty Raichu who'd do whatever you damn please but I still like making people happy. I will make people happy. I would draw for people. I like giving kindness love and compassion but I also appreciate showing a joke and yes my personality contradicts itself and well, I really would appreciate if some went with my flow perhaps? Like if you didn't get all giddy and shit about 'OH MY FUCKING GOSH HE'S THE BEST HE'S AWESOME!' I know I'm a good person but please, I swear, I get moody.
I love you all, I just feel really intolerated. I ain't gonna bring up names and gossip like most of you so called 'pop-u-furs' have but seriously, I'm speaking my mind tonight. This has made me mad, pissed me off and I've had enough.
Well I reckon next week I'm just gonna get a tablet and draw
General | Posted 13 years agoJust fed up really, gonna mess about, have fun and well, draw and entertain folks and myself.
