still need to organize cards and set up prices, but want to put feelers out for interest.

the pokemon cards are all different sets, thousands of them. can sell in bulk or in randomized decks. with more expensive cards sold individually.

the magic sets i have are Crimson Vow, Midnight Hunt and Final Fantasy, can sell in bulk set, with more expensive cards sold individually.

really need to get these cards out of here so when i get stuff priced it will probably be fairly cheap.
let me know if there's any interest~

I have been working on an artificer subclass based on plague doctors.

i am doing a series of one-shots at different levels to test out how this sublcass works in action and with a party. i don't have a solid date atm other than to say *soon*, i just need to gather stat blocks for monsters, draw up some quick notes on the plot lines/scripts. they will be for levels 3, 5, 9, and 15. two are heists, one is a small adventure, and one is a small 'god-level' fight and are based in the world of exandria from the campaign i ran previously. you will not need to know anything about exandria or my previous campaign to participate. but two of my previous players will be joining in the games. i would like to rotate who plays the plague doctor to get different views and play styles as well.

the game will be played over discord voice chat in my dnd/game server and using the avrae dnd/dice rolling bot. it will be mostly theater of the mind unless we really need a map for combat or something, in which case we'll figure out either streaming or something on roll20.

i can provide a gsheet (google sheet) formatted for dnd or you can make a sheet on dndbeyond for use in avrae. me and the other two players are in north american time zones.

please let me know if you are interested and availability

With some relief on the debt I was able to buy another new adopt I fell in love with. Seriously check out  umbraadoptables they make amazing designs. But I realized my last many posts have been adopts or ref sheets as I haven’t posted my own work in forever. I still want to get back to it with fun art and commissions but I think there was a huge pivot when I got into DMing and writing campaigns, I love writing a lot.
I don’t know that I’ll post super polished things, but I think I’d like to start posting things like my dnd 5e supplemental content as well as stories (and smut) about my characters. But I don’t know if it’s better to post an image with the story in the text box, post an image of the text, or upload the text file with an image? I don’t know which format is easiest for people to read. Also what are some easy to read font suggestions?

So, both my mom's brother and sister died, so it's just me and mom now.

some positives -
- we both have room to breathe now
- we are talking more than we have in years (and she's been receptive to topics of neurodivergence)
- we have room to set up some things that make life more comfortable
- we can make repair and remodeling plans without push-back
- we can actually clean the house properly

negatives? -
- i'll probably be more busy than normal, i have to take on more cleaning/organizing stuff, all grocery shopping and meal prep
- everything costs money
- hauling out things is taking forever because the bin gets full too fast now

maybe i can get myself more organized and put together finally. being able to watch a movie when i want or listen to music without headphones, not being forced into a 'quiet time' between arbitrary hours is so nice. nervous, but looking forward to trying to set up an art studio again. it might be nice if i got my voice again.

also i'm aware all this sounds callous or rude or cruel, but if i'm being honest... neither of these people were nice people.
her brother was a rude, racist, misogynistic douchebag that injected his opinion into conversations he was never a part of. demanded silence from others in the house while being as loud and obnoxious as he wanted. he took over the kitchen (and i mean it, as we clear out his stuff we've gotten a nearly empty pantry and fridge now) with things we weren't allowed to touch and effectively pushed me out of the kitchen so i was forced to basically live out of a mini fridge, microwave and mini air fryer in my room. he started decorating the outside of the house how he wanted with these bright colored trailer park trash style 'abstract art' he made with wood pieces. took all of mom's stuff out of her little storage shed and made her put it downstairs so he could have his stuff in there instead. built an illegal extra shed so he could do his wood stuff without even asking and caused our breakers to pop a lot cause he refused to get his own generator.
it's not like her sister was much better. she moved in with my mom over a decade ago and refused to work or get her ged so her 'job' was to clean the house, grocery shop and cook. but she'd only buy microwave meals/snacks or quick-cook pasta and carb-heavy bs. she hated vegetables and fruit so would never buy any, even though mom wanted them. she only wiggled a swiffer around on the floors to basically get what looked the worst, never dusted anything. And she held a ton of really ignorant and racist opinions about a lot of things. And even if you talked her around, mom's brother would stick his dick into the conversation and her sister would start parroting all his ignorant ass points again.
i'm not sad they're gone, only sad for my mom since she misses them.

So, bluntly 2 of the 4 people living in this house might be dead soon. One for sure, and one might get better but we aren’t sure yet. In a way it ties back to the huge debt that I made a journal about before. The one we know for sure is dying has been lying to mom that he’s broke but has managed to squirrel away thousands of dollars while living rent free here instead of helping her with bills like I have been and I’m actually freaking broke -.- so after his cremation costs she’ll be able to cut down a lot of the debt. I’ll still be trying to get my art stuff together to make up for the rest.

Maybe it makes me an asshole but since these two have been out of the house it’s felt so clear and relaxed despite the medical stress. I am actually allowed in the kitchen again, I can wash clothes and shower whenever I want to, I can listen to music without headphones and sing along like a weirdo, and the house is so quiet. It’s been really nice feeling.

But I’ve also been sitting here feeling really dumb, since I’d bought art/adopts before the debt happened that were delivered after making the post about needing to make money. Makes me feel bad. Like people are gonna be mad at me for posting things I bought after winging about a debt x.x but all the art is so pretty and the artists deserve to have their art spread around so I will probably just post them soon anyway.

Life is a bundle of weird stress

uh, is there a new setting where we can make the font any one that we want now or are we stuck with whatever this is? btw, they could not have made this font any freaking smaller, jeezus it's hard to read. it's like doing one of those eye tests. i have to be right up on my laptop screen just to read properly and not just be making my best guess x.x

so i compiled all of the bases i've bought over the years, would like to know if there's any interest in me making adopts or custom ref sheets off of any of these.

Akuva base - canine/feline/equine, few misc. species
felicesta base - canine/feline/equine/dragon, some misc. reg and fantasy species
Nekoshiba base - misc. mammals, halloween/monster, and interest items
Rynies base - bicorns
UnistaArt base - canine/feline/equine/dragon/monsters + fancy ref bgs and features
Waitress base - canine/feline/equine/human/aquatic + alt body types

I'll try to make an adopt out of each one to show the different styles soon.

hey so, gotta come out of art retirement and push through this burn out to try and make some money~

So, my cat has arthritis and is beginning stages of renal failure (kidney failure). Between pain management and prescription food that bill is going to be around 200-250$/month, and for a potentially long-ish time. the doc thinks since we caught the kidney thing now, she could live up to another 5 years, but there is no cure, she will die from this eventually.

We also almost had a house fire due to a shitty electrical issue leftover from the guy who owned the house before us, and the fact that my mom's sister is an idiot. She blew up a wall plug and it didn't trip the breaker and she didn't tell anyone for 3 months. that has to get fixed to the tune of ~10k (fix wiring, updated breaker box (it's from the 80's) and it looks like some fuckface tampered with our outside unit that ties to the power pole, trying to steal electricity, so that has to be replaced.. cause if anything from the house causes a transformer on a pole to break, the homeowner pays for that to the lovely tune of about 45k)

And right before all that our water heater failed and had to be replaced and moved (as it was previously placed right in front of the breaker box) at ~7k

mom is working but doesn't make a lot. and there are 2 freeloaders in this house not even trying to get a job or pay for anything or even offering to help around the house, so the rest of this falls on me. (the cat was always my responsibility, i'm just meaning the electrical/water heater).

when i figure out what i will be capable of doing i will make a post about taking comms and stuff. will most likely be some pay-what-you-want stuff, maybe a bit loosey-goosey about it, we'll see what i can push through.

should have said it when i said i was switching to piczel too, sorry am dumb

twitter is pretty much only there for my dumb scrolling entertainment now. can still be contacted on it, but not gonna be any primary anything.

i got on bluesky, and i think i'm gonna try to make an effort to post art. also Ivory Towers - my mlp au story, and probably some stuff about my novel as it goes through the process. if you wanna give a follow it's the same name as everywhere StormyChang - though it might change soon, feeling a need for rebranding soon-ish.

https://bsky.app/profile/stormychang.bsky.social

So for a few months i've been trying to stream again and picarto refuses. I've tried every single fix or trick through obs: changing settings and updates, and my computer: drivers, updates, add-ons, direct firewall tweaking and nothing. i thought reaching out to picarto staff might help since at this point it's on their end and got no response sooo i guess picarto is over for me.
which, honestly i guess is fine, since the site feels broken now anyway, considering you can't even watch a stream unless you 'accept all cookies' and even then, you cant even adjust the quality you want to see the stream in, so if it's too high it just breaks and stutters. :/

anyway, since i'm gonna be trying to stream some art and writing stuff when i remember to turn it on, i'll just be over here now: https://piczel.tv/watch/AureliusArts

i don't know if it's OBS or Picarto, but it says that it can't connect to the server and i've tried every fix i've found online. :/
i don't want to stream to twitch for art/writing because i want to listen to music i actually like. anyone have any ideas?

so, i decided i wanted to start streaming again, and i wanted to start by streaming my book. but picarto just won't connect.
-tried different stream keys
-delete, re-download, restart
-change connection from default to direct
-changed network setting from public to private

the only thing i haven't tried is allowing the app on firewall simply because it's not even on the list *and* when i search to put it on the list its nowhere to be found??? so the firewall thing is the only thing i haven't tried just because i can't. but maybe picarto is just having issues? i can connect to twitch ok, but i don't really want to stream my book on twitch cause i dunno if i'll get in trouble for not doing game-related stuff..

not sure if this place will get taken down or who will be taking over next if it doesn't, but other places that i'm at are below.

Discord: StormyChang - almost always on
Twitter - on multiple times a day, rarely check DMs tho. i don't post often, but i like a lot of horny stuff.
InkBunny - haven't posted for a long time, but will probably move stuff here if FA goes down.

also periodically stream in these places:
Twitch - gaming, mostly genshin, plan to do more at some point
Picarto - art, for whenever i start drawing again

i'll stick around here as long as i can, been here 17 years and it would be nice to keep going.

Personal:
Hi, I'm Rel. I'll still go by Stormy, so if you know me by that please don't worry, but if you would like to start using Rel in personal chatting that's cool too.
Rel is a large, handsome male vampire who was turned around the time that Rome was transitioning into an empire. He's navigated history and the world with his werewolf husband who he met shortly before the sacking of Rome by Hannibal. I'm pivoting into this character for a lot of reasons. Mostly to do with me finally accepting all of who I am (more info below). I will still be using Stormy as a character, however mostly in her feral and werewolf forms.
I don't really like saying "coming out", it seems a bit weird, cause it feels like this is who I always have been, I just kept trying to push it down. I still struggle with some of these identities - especially the gender one - and feel a little imposter-y, but here we go (sorry i know it's a lot). I am TransMasc, Demisexual, (mostly gay) Pan-romantic, Polyamorous, (mostly fantasy) hypersexual. If you have any questions I'll try my best to answer them.
I'm also grappling with getting through having multiple anxiety disorders, chronic depression, PTSD, ADHD, and there's a very real possibility I'm also autistic, but I need to be actually evaluated before I can say for sure. I'm mostly coming to terms with the fact that ADHD is actually a disability and that I was owed so much more help in my life if people (adults) wanted me to be a more productive member of society. So now I'm trying to play catch up to find resources for help. I may never be able to have a "real" job, but I would at the very least like to get back to doing what I can, like drawing, writing, making supplemental 5e (D&D) material, or making craft items to sell.

Art related:
The drive to want to draw and write and be creative is slowly coming back. I have motivation issues cause of the ADHD but I feel like my trauma surrounding creativeness is ebbing a bit. I'm slowly finding other creatives that want to talk about art or RP or writing stuff, and I'll continue to look for more people interested in these things. In my trying to get somewhat organized, I was gifted a ToyHouse account by a very lovely, generous friend. All of the character profiles I have listed in my Master List will be linked to ToyHouse character profiles over time. It's going to be a long process, I have over 120 characters, but I need them to be more organized than what FA can offer. My art isn't going anywhere, just the profiles are.
I'm thinking about deleting a lot of things in my scraps, though. I used to use scraps mostly for art I've gotten done by other people, as I wanted my main gallery to be my works and characters. But even of those artworks in scraps (and maybe some in my regular gallery) are of past friends and lovers that really just bring me pain to look at, so I will slowly be going through those and at least pulling them off FA. I'll always keep the files, they will always be important parts of my history, I just don't want them all over my gallery anymore.

I'm sorry if this is a lot, I feel like a lot has happened and the more that happens the more quiet I get. I'd like to not be, I'm just not good at communicating but I'll be trying my best to do what I can as I get more comfortable with just being me.

just putting it out there, i'm interested in finding an artist and rigger for a vtuber model.

i've been told the 3d ones are better/easier to rig, but i like the look of the png/anime ones better.

either way i'd like to see if there's anyone out there or if someone knows someone who does it and start looking at pricing
to get one done that would work well on both twitch and picarto.

i would also need to learn from someone how to use the model once i have it. i'm really bad at only reading directions though.
like it's a good start for me, but ultimately i need someone to go step by step with me both with directions and hands-on verbal
instruction cause my brain learns weird XD

I like being a DM, even if i'm still new to it, and i love being a player. I really only know 5e and plan to continue to use it going forward. Though i'm not opposed to learning new systems. I've played in one-shots and small games of Vampire the Masquerade, Cyberpunk, Mothership and Pathfinder.

Just testing the waters to see if anyone would be interested in TTRPGs, mostly DnD, but anything else is ok too if it sounds fun enough.

tbf, i am getting burnt out on being a DM and the current game i'm running, it's just become very stressful. i have a lot of ideas and settings i'd love to run, but i'd also love to be a player again, and would just love talking to other players and DMs in general, i like picking brains and 'talking shop' for ideas, settings, characters, etc.

So if anyone felt like chatting about it, i'm down.

I'm not talking about selling her or getting rid of her but.. i've been doing a lot of thinking..

I've never really connected with her. for a while i tried because we have similar body types and i was trying to get comfortable with my body type. and fact is i'm just not.. i'm gross.. and it's fine that i'm gross as long as i'm working on making it better, which i'm trying to do. I've also realized that most people who like her don't also like me. That a fair amount of people have only talked to me because they like her, and all they want to talk about, if they talk to me at all, is her. it's tiring to be something i'm not.

i have a character that i've had longer than TC (actually a couple but w/e x3) that i've always connected to and loved more, even if she's not almost a 1:1 of me. she is things i love and things i wish i could be. but not many know of her or even like her.

but i think it's time to get back to things that make me happy, and experimenting with new things that could make me happy later. i'll probably still do and get art of tc, but it won't be any sort of priority.

So, her goal was to be here for christmas. and at 12:10 am she finally let go after they had to double up on her pain and anxiety meds. it was finally enough for her to relax completely and go.

there's a whole mix of emotions that will follow over time but for right now i am happy and relieved. it's the same feeling when you have a very ill pet and you know it's their time to go and it's just better this way. it doesn't make it not sad but, their is a relief and happiness to the end of pain.

everyone was so out of it when we got back to the house my aunt insisted we at least open the doggo's xmas presents so we could all watch her play and be dumb. they got her a thing called a 'smelly play mat' or something. it's got all these pockets and cloth strips on it to hide treats in. then came with these extra pocket things you can put treats in and roll up and stick in these elastic things on the outside. as a lab, she loves treats like nothing else and has already almost destroyed parts of the mat.
then we just stayed up and were opening the rest of presents til 3am. (i got a manga styled cook book for recipes seen in anime/manga, very cute)

i'm still fighting to not fall into my hole again and get back on my social and art horse as i'd been starting to do when this all happened. we're having xmas for the kids this weekend so, it'll be the first time seeing my step siblings since all this happened. i think the worst part about gramma passing isn't really her passing, it's being constantly reminded by those giving condolences (not that it's their fault, they're trying to be kind) that she's gone over and over.

Sorry for another sad journal, but i thought maybe people who don't speak regularly with me might want to know? i don't know, maybe even people close to me do? I don't really feel like repeating all this to every person i know so this is how i'm doing it.

after my journal about crashing depression i was starting to pull my way out and people were helping me feel better about myself and my art (hey at least i got to finish my art progress piece mostly). so a huge thanks to people who have helped me.

I'm not crashing again (yet) which is good. and this journal isn't really about me. but, i may be even more quiet than i typically am (dunno how that's possible, but i think it's just that i'm not gonna be online in general).

My gramma is ready to enter hospice care. Basically, she has pneumonia (a rare type that needs aggressive treatment) and the lymphoma has also spread into her lungs. the long and short of it is all they can do is keep her on the hydrocodone/morphine mix with anti anxiety pills and oxygen until she passes.

I'm feeling a lot of things. i'm angry because she has weaponized being ill in the past to get her way. i'm sad that i'll be losing my 3rd out of 4 grandparents. i'm conflicted in seeing her so sick she can't even move around in her bed and for some reason it's ok to put an animal that sick out of it's pain and misery but a human is taboo? also it's a flippin hyuuge holiday for my family and i'm trying to fix it. there's a lot of turmoil in me, nobody asked me to do this, but i've always fallen into the role of a 'fixer' or a stoic one for people to lean on. both me and one of my aunts are basically good for that when other people are hurting. often times hurting people need some sort of pillar or support.

so, i'll mostly not be online. if i am online i might not be super chatty like i had planned to try and do more. it'll be some time, i'll bounce back just need a bit. i'm not opposed to chatting just, might not be all myself.

i'm pretty sure this is just more spiraling depression so feel free to ignore.

everything feels like ass. i feel like my life and relationships are all falling apart because i literally cannot be fucked to get out of bed lately. there's this weirdo thing i do where the state of my bedroom reflects my mental state.. i haven't cleaned my room in at least 2 weeks and there's just junk laid out everywhere. it's not the messiest it's ever been, but it's getting bad. i feel clouded and tired. it feels like all relationships are falling apart. there are some i'm legitimately mad/upset over but the rest are suffering because i'm the asshole and don't really make any effort. it's not their fault i just feel tired and overclocked all the time.
i also have art things i owe. i want to do them. i want to draw. it's in there. but again i feel like ass. but i've felt like ass about my art for years. realizing that like 98% of the people who talked to me or 'liked' my art in the past was only because i was friends with people who happened to be popular. regardless though.. do people understand how good it feels when it even only *appears* that you are liked.. even if it's shallow and not real. being not liked is, in opposition, the shittiest feeling.
i actually read something today that made me feel like writing all this i guess. someone made a long journal talking about their art. how they've been reading articles about trying to get your spark back and other things. they kept mentioning doing what you like. or going back to doing the kind of art you did before when things were better and you just did art for the sake of doing that. it's a nice idea. i want to. it would be fun to just draw my own characters or draw for my friends or write my own stories again. but the truth is that i need money. i have literally nothing because i am unable to work a "real" job anymore (this applies to things like retail/service jobs.. the most common and easy to get jobs out there. i could most certainly work a desk job somewhere or some other office-y work, however those won't hire you with anything less than a masters degree, and expect you to also run phones which freaks me out to no end).
the need for money i think stresses me out so much because i stress only doing work for money. which, really isn't good for creativity or work productivity either. so when someone does ask for a commission i kinda talk about it a bit then feel like shit and never get around to it.
i've been able to play a couple video games lately that seem to help for a moment. i got really involved in pokemon sword, and just got royal edition of ff15. when i was a kid video games used to be my coping mechanism much more than art was. but now when a game is done the feeling fades quickly. and i go back to feeling like a waste of space and time.
bleeding unsettling feelings and thoughts.. i'm too old to be where i am, in the position i'm in. i feel like i should have already been married by my age. if someone wanted me that much they would have taken me by now.. i'm obviously not worth it. dating is not a permanent form of relationship. if i was supposed to have my own family it would have happened by now, but i'm getting to the age where the girlbits are starting to breakdown. and no, i don't care that 60 year old women are having babies.. by the time a woman is 35 the quality of her eggs is declining steeply and the risk of multiple birth defects goes up rapidly. that is not fair to subject another unborn human bean to a lifetime of problems just because someone selfishly wants a carbon copy to play with for 18 years and someone to babysit them when they're old.
i feel like this is ass for being so long already, there's too many things going on in my head and no one to talk to about it. and i feel like the people i should be able to talk to about this all just brush it off or are having their own problems so it's not my place to make it worse.

tl;dr: everything is shit. i'm shit. i want to draw again but my art is shit. i need to make money but i'm shit at that. kinda just want to lay in my bed and wait for things to end. sorry for all the shit.

Sorry that depressing journal was up for so long.

Things are changing again. I've been in RI for 5 months now taking care of the cancer sickies. My aunt has recovered, but my gramma not as much. They switched her to radiation because the cancer got into her spine. And the radiation doctor who reviewed her file told them that she should have never done chemo and should have come to them for radiation and they could have zapped the few small cancer spots, which is disappointing to know. We also know now that she will have this cancer until she dies but we're unsure of when that is. There's questions about possible remission or maintenance of the cancer so it doesn't grow.

At the same time my aunt no longer has her job so they have to move back to WA, so i've been helping out packing along side house maintenance x.x But, I'm coming home at the end of the month, I have a dental problem that needs fixing, otherwise i would be staying to help them pack their things and ship them home.

While i've been here I've been able to see Viber a couple times. Leaving now i know even more how much i can't live without him, i need to be with him and i don't really care how it happens. i could live in the small space he has, though, WA has really great minimum wage and eastern WA has a fairly low cost of living, which would be good for us. though, moving across a country is hard.. i mean i've done it twice now ^^;; all of my family is in WA, all of his is in NY and PR, it's hard :/ but i think i'd give up a lot to housewife for him.

Along with all this.. i've been thinking about the doing commissions an' adopt things. for a long time now, i've mostly only taken commissions from people who come and ask me first, which means mostly just friends have been asking for art sporadically. but.. i was wondering.. do people actually want commissions from me? like, do people feel like i'm never open so never ask? i would like to go back to making the amount i was while i was in NY, small that it was, it would at least cover a couple bills each month. but it always seems when i post up adopts or mention doing streams or taking commissions that no one notices? i dunno if i'm just doing it wrong or if there's legit no market for me. it's not just been a money struggle, but an emotional one too, feeling not good enough or basically worthless i guess? i dnno, i'm getting all emotional again in this journal sorry ^^;; wasn't really my intent. just trying to put out some updates.

i wish i could see viber some more before i leave. though, my aunt did buy me a ticket to see Hamilton before i leave. I've been obsessed with the sound track for over a year, since a really awesome history prof played some of the music in class for our am. hist. class. i would have loved to see an original cast performance at some point, but i'm excited to at least get to see the play in full. she also bought me the book that Lin-Manuel read and was inspired to do the play. It's a little dry/heavy in the beginning where it talks about Hamilton's lineage, but it picks up a bit once he gets to America. It's a big book, and i'm only in the beginning still (around about the king's college years). so, i'll have something a little fun before i have to go back home.

so many expectations waiting there too though. people are expecting me to work full time, go to school full time, and decide if i'm going to lose all my weight or do a gastric bypass, btw, that stuff has to get done while working and school. and honestly, i don't know anyone who can do all that, but yanno, it's easier to demand things of people than to be able to do them yourself :D

anyway, sorry for the talking... typing? so much. hopefully things are going well for everyone~

So, so anyone i typically talk to or to anyone who's tried to reach out to me the last couple months, i'm sorry if i've been distant, repetitive, a downer, or an asshole.. i've been in a depression spiral that is slowly pulling me back down to suicidal thoughts, which, while i've had depression most my life, i've only ever had incidents/legit thoughts of suicide twice. i'm not there yet, but i can feel it coming and i hope to not get so far again, i'm really trying to struggle to fight it, and it's hard.
My life is a legit shit pile and i don't want to be here anymore. even when i try to change things, it's like trying to pull yourself up out of water to take a breath, but the water is thick and heavy. sorry about all this v.v

That stuff is all mostly aside as right now i have to get up and do ..things.

I got told on saturday night that i have to pack and leave tonight (monday night) because people on the east coast need me. my aunt is going in for radiation therapy for her cancer 5 days a week, and my gramma, who finished her first set of chemo rounds, had to stop to check on her heart. my gramma's cancer was still inside her, though very small, but while they were testing her heart it started to grow again. her heart is only working at 50% capacity and she has to go in to more intense chemo that will keep her in the hospital 4 days per round.

I just can't.. like.. can't anything. The last few weeks i've basically hardly been able to get up out of bed and i've been sleeping 12+ hours a day. i don't know how i'm gonna be able to take care of people when i can't even take care of myself.

sorry, i know this sounds like a whiny bitch journal, but i feel like being a whiny bitch cause i just feel like ass and i have nothing really left but words. i'm so tired. nothing is remotely interesting anymore. maybe by being in a different environment i can pull out of this a bit, i'm just hoping. the new england area always makes me feel good, it's a great place. but i don't know what to do anymore.

sorry if i've been an ass to anyone.. i still like talking to people, i'm just bad at it.

 littlewulfie
TC owns a bakery with little mini tc/mini wulfie as helper minions with ensuing random shenanigans. (mini tcs over-feeding mini wulfies, mini tcs 'helping', mini wulfies being cute and fat)
TC is a fat ninja who uses cookies and sweets as weapons, made by her 'assistant' Tehn. (quality testing 'weapons', ninja strategy meetings, new outfit fittings, weapon brainstorming)

 Ray_Ctarltribe
Alternating Stormy, TC, Maybelle, and Bella for teasing, sex, rimming, maledom, bondage, breast play/milking, knotting, force and all sorta fun sexy adventures.

 truemac
TC hitting on trucker ron at a truck stop
TC w/ a random dick saying 'hello' to ron after a long time away

 The-Shadow-of-Light
TC teasing and doing horrible thing to shad
Shad in harem clothes
TC femdom-ing shad

[might get ranty or weird.. more or less just spilling incoherent thoughts about how long i've been around here]




It's been a long time.. and after all this time, i'm not sure if it's entirely for the better.

i've realized that the only reason most people had ever talked to me was because i had been friends with some popular people on the site, and when those friendships dissolved, i was promptly kicked to the ground, buried and ignored. i've also come to realize that there were false rumors spread about me, and instead of people checking with me, they just believed the bs that came at them and stopped speaking with me. this has made me less and less inclined to create and interact on this site. so is it even worth it to stay on this site, or even continue doing art at all?

i don't know. i'm highly externally motivated, so being ignored after having spent a good deal of time with people interacting with me actively, even if they were just pretending, is really hard.

about 3 years ago i started spiraling out of my mind. i was over worked, underpaid, and in an abusive situation. i was done, i snapped. i wanted to die. and only 1 person tried to help me. bless you the other few people who tried on messengers or fa who tried to talk to me when all i wanted to do was hide under a rock, and i feel bad if i ignored you or was mean to you.. but only 1 person pushed hard enough and forced me open enough to try to get back up again.
i understand that it's hard to be around someone who is hurting and depressed and wants to die. they are no fun to talk to, and exhausting to support. i don't really blame people for walking away because of things i said or did directly. and i don't blame them for being tentative in speaking with me again. but, the last year or so, while i've been trying to get better, i've been in desperate need of encouragement, fun, friends, streaming partners, and work. the lack of all of those just makes me irritated and strained, because i'm having a hard time resetting.

i used to do decent business. i was quick-ish, people seemed to think i was fairly priced, people would come to streams and talk with me. and to think that just because i spiraled into a dark hole and lost motivation for everything for a time, that i have to start completely over from 0 makes me furious to a degree. to know that i've been here this long, put in so much effort as to have had a minor following, but now i must start back on the bottom rung of a ladder when i'd worked myself up to a good point.
i mean i get it, relevance on an art site is the only way to keep going, and that it's business everywhere. and i get that it's rage over something that has to be done. i just feel a great deal of injustice about it, like "why can't i just start over where i left off?" well.. because people hate me now, that's why.

i know i can't change the minds of people who believed false rumors, and i know i probably can't get back friends who walked away while i was rough, but then sometimes i also don't know if i want to, if people were so fair-weather as to walk away when someone was going through a hard time..
i know i've been a pain, and i have grown more apathetic in some ways in my attempt to stay as sane as possible. but there are a lot of people not around anymore that i miss a lot because i considered them more than friends.. strider, fossil, val, house, astrid, daigo, behemotho, and a bunch others, though i know i also have a problem with trying to speak up first, mostly because i feel like people wouldn't want me to speak to them ever again.

but those of you that have stuck it out, and those of you who are relatively new to me and decided to stick around, you guys are pretty awesome.

But, i guess if i want to get back to where i was i'm going to have to start over again, shipping out free stuff and dropping all of my prices to 10$ or less and go back to working for 2$ an hour or less. not an entertaining prospect, but i suppose one i'll have to do, since i can't actually work at a 'real' job because of anxiety and other problems. but i'll need some way to have money, since no one wants me to just housewife for them ^^;;

sorry this wasn't a hyper inspirational journal. and i didn't mean for this whole thing to be negative sounding.. but 10 years is a lot to think about. and i guess just the last few years the bad has outweighed the good. for the future i do want to get better at personal interactions and be able to do art full time like i used to do, just hopefully with less stress. more interactive streams would be fun too. kinda want to get back to the ych thing and learn how to do adopts and stuff, they're fun. i guess if it doesn't work out i probably won't be here for another 10 years, but i guess we'll see.