Did you all survive the terror of a site wide takeover? Seriously, F-you to the guy that did that.

I'm shocked and deeply saddened to hear of the passing of Scott Henson AKA  tigreblanco I know I don't have a ton of followers here but I wanted to post SOMETHING about this as it really cut me deeply. I never had a lot of interaction with Scott, but his contributions to the various pieces of media for the Your Movie Sucks and YMS Plays channels as well as his various appearances in other podcasts and even his time as a pro-wrestler really were things I enjoyed seeing and listening to. The man was kind, but with a wicked sense of humor and a very non-PC attitude, and yet, he was caring and loving to his friends and he put it ALL on display and NEVER apologized for it.

He was smart with a memory like a steel trap. I was always amazed at things he could recall saying in videos years later in other videos and factoids and bits of trivia he could just ramble off the top of his head.

I am so sorry for Adam, and Gael, and LW and his tag team wrestling partner Drew, his friends and family for their loss and for the loss of the community here and the loss the rest of the world will never know or understand.

We NEEDED more people like Scott Henson in the world, and unfortunately we lost the only one we had. The mold was broken when he was made.

RIP Scott. I'll miss you.

Goddammit, people! I was promised an apocalypse or something and all I got was a slightly darkened sky! No UFO's. no rapture...unless that actually happened and it says something about the state of my soul that I'm still here...and so are you if you're reading this, but still, not a single fucking thing! Gypped!

So remember when I posted that we were moving? Well, we're moved! I feel terrible and my left ankle agrees...

So after one failed sale and one, so far seemingly successful sale we're now waiting to hear back from the buyers of our house after the home inspection. It feels SO grueling but in reality we've only been waiting since Thursday. We'll probably hear back on Monday but it's still a wait that feels like forever.

Personally I just want to get this done and get moved away from the city and back into a nice quiet country life again so this is just amplifying the time we're waiting.

Well, it looks like my family is moving. We're not leaving the state but we ARE moving away from the city. It's a bit of a long story as to WHY but the basics are, we are tired of the city, we'd like to have some elbow room, and we'd like to take the opportunity to get ahead on ills since the house we're in will more than pay for a large house in the country, meaning we'd have no mortgage there just like here, but we'd also make a bit of extra money to put back in savings. We've been packing now or the last month and will have the house on the market by the end of the month. We have an agreement on a house where we want to go and it's a nice house. Just have to get THIS house sold and we're done.

Wish us luck folks!

I'll always remember certain aspects of my childhood fondly, even when things weren't too great. I mean, I was a strange kid and I didn't get along well with others but...somethings overshadowed and stood above all the stuff that wasn't good.

I'll always remember the apartment my parents had when I was little. It wasn't TOO far from the house I grew up it. On that same street my Grandmother had a place. Oh it was a neat apartment. She used to drive a white car...not sure if it was a Dodge or a Plymouth but I remember it being a white car. After we moved she was there for awhile longer. The new house was two stories and the second floor was where we lived. The first floor was half apartment and half my mothers hair salon. An elderly-ish woman names Mrs. Williams if I remember right lived in the little apartment, but after she moved my grandmother lived there. Those were some great years., We had lots of room and I had my grandmother, my Memere' living down there. I will always remember going down there, to my grandmothers apartment on Saturdays especially. I used to go get my mother and the other ladies that worked for her coffee. I'd go down there and ask for a few dollars to get something at the store at the end of the block and she's have me get them coffee. I'd then buy candy I wasn't supposed to have and go to my Grandmother's apartment because my eldest sister used to monopolize the TV upstairs. I didn't REALLY mind because it meant I had a little space all to myself while my grandmothers was at church. She'd eventually come home and more often than not, make me a sandwich and soup and sometimes when she was baking she'd use leftover pie crust dough to make these little cinnamon rolls or sometimes she'd peel and core an apple and bake it with cinnamon and sugar. I loved those times. I'll always remember my grandmother at her best.

I didn't get to see her as often as I'd have liked towards the end. That's especially true when I moved here to Boston. It pains me that I missed seeing her on Christmas this last time. I know she wouldn't be upset, but I would have liked to have seen her for her last Christmas. She passed away January 1st of this year. She passed peacefully in her sleep at 93 years old.

I miss you Memere'. I'll always miss you.

Hello all,

Well, it's that time of year again. That's right! It's...(insert lame punchline about it being something OTHER than Christmas time) HAHA, but no seriously, it's Christmas time and I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Christmas.

Well, my day was an interesting one. As my old workplace is closing and my brother-in-law is gijng to also be losing his job seeing as how he worked there too, he started looking for a new palace of employment. Thankfully for him our same company is opening in other places and he has decided to relocate to Oregon. Not too shabby.

Today he came up to visit so we could hang out. I got him a Christmas present and he dropped off a chair my sister had that my father had worked on and replace the wicker seating on. Very time consuming process, but he also dropped off something else...I'm sure based on the title of this journal you can guess it was indeed, the ashes of my sister. Now, it KINDA feels bad that he decided to not keep them, though I can understand his position, but for me, it's kinda a reminder of the loses I've had over the years.

Christmas is...I had a lot of great memories of Christmas and the holidays in general growing up. Cheesy holiday music on vinyl of all things, lol. We had the John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album. That was great. Lot's of old Nat King Cole and Burl Ives...My grandmothers would come over and so would cousins and aunts and uncles and of course that meant a LOT of talking and food. The evening would wind down but there would be holiday specials showing on TV (no sports with our house) and of course new toys to play with.

That kinda never felt the same back in 1988 when my father died two days after Christmas. It sure wasn't easy.

Now that my sister is gone I still get rather...moody during this time of year. It's more of a seasonal depression but it's one that has lessened over time. I do find myself getting emotional at things though, lol. I was reading a story and came to a...sort of bitter-sweet part and was actually crying. I dunno, I think since I lost my father I tended to suppress my feelings a lot.

Why am I saying all this? I dunno, maybe it's just to exorcize my demons or just get it off my chest., lol. Anyhow,I hope I haven't gotten anybody's holiday spirits down. I'm not looking for sympathy, just needed to express...something about all this to someone, lol.

Hope you all have a Happy Holidays regardless.

Okay I'm a TAD late but I wanted to say it anyway.

Made dinner for the family which consisted of a nice boneless turkey breast that was brined, then some garlic mashed potatoes with cream and some oven roasted butternut squash and this year I decided to MAKE cranberry sauce with cinnamon and cloves which turned out GREAT. I also had a nice chardonnay to serve with it...but I was the onl one that had any, lol.

Still, I'm glad I was able to provide dinner for my family. Many people cannot and I'm thankful I was able to.

I hope you all had just as wonderful a Thanksgiving out there. What with all the strife and upset something as small as dinner with the family should be cherished.

I just found out that Giger, the designer of the Alien creature from...well Alien, had passed away this past Sunday. I really didn't know because well, I work over the weekend and didn't have a chance to look at the news. Really rather sad about this. He was such an amazing artist and his work had influenced so many.

And I'm done on the 28th. I'm actually very glad because my internal clock is kinda fucked now, lol. I keep staying up WAY late in the day on my days off. For example, this past "weekend" which is to say Wednesday through Saturday morning I stayed up till almost 7 PM...which when that is the time you normally arrive for work on a 12 hour shift...yeah it's kinda a drag on your first night back...which is tonight, lol. I don't think I got more than 2 hours TOTAL of sleep before I had to get up t go to work.

It's like this...my...no...wait...AH! Ever since spring rolled around and the days got longer, my body REALLY wants to be up and about during daylight hours. I've been going on somewhat more intensive hikes through the local arboretum which is actually a pretty large place. Something like 250 acres and there's a lot of trails. Some on purpose and others that people just made, and there's a lot of high hills with steep inclines and sheer rock faces that I've been hitting which is very nice. So yeah my body is just as sick and tired of nights as I am and seems to be just as anxious to be DONE with it.

Right now though I am going through some restless energy thingie where I'm definitely tired but I have this pent up second wind of energy that won't let me take a nap. I just took a 45 minute power walk through three floors of the next door building to work it off. I may just have to keep doing laps of the lab I work in till I'm worn out enough to crash for an hour before I go home so I'm not too tired to drive XP Good thing it's Sunday and the drive will be clear of almost all motorists.

But yeah, in the end I don't think I'll be TOO sorry to see the last of this place. It's a nice place to work but I'm really REALLY tired of living here. 9_9

FINALLY...I got confirmation that my job indeed DOES end on May 28th so that's that. My next line of action is retyping my resume, getting a letter of recommendation from my managers and TRYING to find something new in my field. If it wasn't for the fact that I never really got hired on permanently I'd have done something to further what I know in the electronics field but I never did so money wasn't flowing like I'd have enjoyed. Honestly I don't know what is out there in the electronics market these days since I've spent so much time at my current job. Five good years at that place spread out over six or seven...kinda made me a little out of touch with what's out there.

Regardless I'm optimistic for the future. I dunno WHY but I am. I mean barring the end of the world or something there's not too much I have to worry about, lol.

Well technically yesterday evening was since i work overnight. I'll be finding out for sure (hopefully) when my job actually ends as will everyone else. See, even though we know this place is shutting down they couldn't give everyone an ACTUAL date of full shut down though, they said by the end of the 3rd Quarter roughly. Now for me that means I could be 1: let go early B: work till my contract would expire in late May or III: I get my contract extended to the Q3 shutdown so they don't have to either have temps here for like two or three months or not have enough people to cover all this mess. Technically they would still have two people but one is my boss (I can't picture him ACTUALLY doing any work and neither can he which is why he's asking about extending my contract) and a maintenance tech (they don't DO this sort of work usually as it's "Not my job!" so yeah.I'm really hoping we'll get some definite info as I'm really kinda anxious about getting this shit over with, lol.

Amidst all the worry and anguish of the last couple years since my sister passed my current job is finally ending...I guess I should feel BAD or something but fuck it. I honestly can't be arsed to care about it anymore. I've spent too many hours and days and weeks and months worrying about it and now I'm kinda glad. Intel is a neat place to work and all but I'm not gonna let the door hit me on the way out.

All things considered I feel...somehow optimistic about 2014 in a way. I'm pretty sure I have until the end of May at least though this place will be closed by the end of the year and they MAY keep me on until it's all over for good...we'll see.

In the meantime I'll be upgrading my resume and starting fresh. It's annoying as hell that I've generally wasted my time with this place but as long as it's ending anyway then who gives a fuck.

So about five or so years ago...maybe a bit more I was with a filming group that was OK but we didn't really go too far. I parted ways with them in bad terms and I won't say that part of that wasn't my fault for how I handled things but really, a good portion of this was how they were handling things. I really felt rather used and all, so I left...not the most clean way I could and I hurt people too so yeah.

Now cut to years later and at least one friend from that time and I have somewhat patched things up. At this point I've pretty much given up on filming movies and stuff and have just been trying to concentrate on getting a permanent position at my job and Rael, if you're reading this, YES, same place.

SO cut to today when I get a PM from my old friend asking me if I can help in filming. He needs props and make-up and I dunno. I'm not sure if I wanna do that all again or not. I mean I KINDA do but at the same time it's just...I don't wanna fall into the same problems again.

Well actually I'm a week late but two years ago, my sister passed away. It's hard to think it's true but there it is.

I spent that day on May the 23'd this year being somewhat drunk. My brother-in-law did pretty much the same. I didn't bother posting about it until now because well. It's jsut what I did. I figured I'd post after the fact and just not worry about it much.

Been a little while since I wrote a journal...or actually been here on FA at all but I've recently been "spring cleaning" and was moving some books and came across my old Harry Potter books and it got me to thinking of how I used to visualize things in my head and how things differentiated from the films that came out later.

One thing was the feel and tone of the world as it was in my head. I can still feel it and remember how things in my mind looked. See, in my mind when I thought of that world, to me it wasn't a world that felt old, it instead felt like a world that evolved in certain ways similarly to the "muggle" world so in my mind, text books on magic were published in the same way any modern math or history textbook in a modern school was. Glossy cover, modern printing methods, just about magic instead. Another was Quddich. In my mind they used a lot of modem athletic equipment made from polymers and plastics and stuff. It's probably not what was intended by the author and I think that is how it wasn't presented in the books but it sort of made it feel like an alternate world where there are familiar things mixed in.

Now one thing to me that was different in my mind was the casting. I don't know about anyone else, but when I read a book I often times like to visualize actors for the parts. Just something I like to do as often times a character description looks like an actor I know or like. Like, in my mind I pictured Zaphod Beeblebrox from the Hitchhikers Guide books as a two headed Jeremy Irons. I also pictured his clothing taste to be along the lines of the characters from Miami Vice from the 80's and THAT'S why he wins the "worst dressed sentient" award, lol. Let's face it, the clothing from Miami Vice was pretty awful. Pastel sport coats with rolled up sleeves? Awful!

So who did I visualize for the cast of Harry Potter? Well...

Professor Dumbledore: Donald Sutherland. Anyone that has seen him sporting a beard and half moon specs should be able to see what I mean. He can effect a soft old man voice while at the same time add power and deep sound while yelling. He was also young enough to play the part and still look old. I know he isn't English but that didn't matter to me as the just LOOKED the part.

Hagrid: Brian Blessed. If it wasn't for his age, he would have been PERFECT. He looks amazing in a beard, he has a POWERFUL voice and just really, for me IS Hagrid.

Professor Snape: Geoffry Rush. Just the way they described his oily look and greasy demeanor just fit Geoffry Rush to a T. Just look at him as Casanova Frankenstein from Mystery Men. He could SO have been Snape.

Professor McGonagall: Rosemary Dunsmore. This was a hard on but her role as a severe teacher in Anne Of Avonlea as Katherine Brooke the severe and strict teacher really convinced me of the part and also added a slightly younger castmembr for the faculty of Hogwarts.

Arthur Weasley: James Cromwell. This was another one that was fun because they describe Ron's dad as being kinda skinny and tall, so in my mind I picked a father figure actor that was skinny and tall and while not red-headed, some hair dye could fix that easily enough.

So far that's all I can remember off the top of my head. It's been a few years since I read them so I can't recall everyone and my mind has been somewhat influenced by the films as well though I plan to go back and read through them again sometime to see if I can recall the rest, but I can tell you right now, I never had any cast in mind for Ron, Hermione or Harry. Honestly I couldn't figure out any actors better than the ones cast in the movies. One thing you'll note is a few US actors and actresses here and well, that's because I cast to face usually. English accents were easy enough to add in my mind, lol.

You've been a fan of a band for YEARS and it's glorious. They keep putting out albums you love and eagerly await the next until one day...BAD ALBUM! It hits you out of nowhere. It's not that the album is different or that they tried something new, it just doesn't work. So you start to wonder if they maybe always weren't good and your taste changed but...then you listen to their older stuff and...no...not that's all still awesome. OK then you wait. That album didn't work but maybe the next one will...huh...also suck royally. WTF?!?!

Bands that hit that for me..They Might Be Giants and Metallica. Seriously guys, what the hell happened to you? You guys hit 40 and you just started to suck? Ran out of ideas? No more clever lyrics? Forgot to be innovative? I really just don't get it.

I really hate when you really like a song and maybe it had some darker lyrics that you never noticed but then something bad happened and forever after those lyrics remind you of that bad thing that happened and forever taint your enjoyment of said song.

Yeah that happened. A song called Pink Cigarette by Mr. Bungle and specifically the closing lyrics about how many minutes left until you find them dead. Always reminds me of when my step father died and that' exactly what happened. We found him dead. I dunno, I think I'm just pissed because of the mental association and stuff, lol.

A couple days late but work was busy and I only got time today to say anything.

I'm really hoping this year is better than the last two. Of course we know 2011 was rough and 2012 was just a continuation of that in many respects for me. A few promising things happened for the New Year though not just for me mind you, but also for some family and I'm hoping that the trend continues.

I still don't know how much posting I will be doing here since FA took the more unfriendly path with photography these days. We'll see I guess.

Anyway I hope all of you...and by that I mean the few people that actually read this, you know who you are, I hope all of you have a great year.

So yeah, Merry Christmas.

Well...I've been away so long I am out of practice with these things...these..jur-nals? Ummm...I feel like I should have something to say but I really don't. I guess I'm just hoping that if I post crap again it will become natural but...another problem is that with all the photography restrictions here now I don't really have TOO much to post here anymore. I don't make props enough to carry my account on that alone. What's worse is that O have...139210 submissions in my inbox to try to go through and so many people I haven't talked to much in ages. Cobalt I have some stuff to send you soon and J4CK I already got back to you about your sonics. Monday or Tuesday brother. Just need this weekend to fix that issue I PM'd you about and then they are in the mail and it's about TIME too.

That aside I have just the usual mild bouts of being down with the change of the season into Fall and jut a week or two ago I had wisdom teeth removed. That was...not fun. Still healing up from that one. My glands on one side inside my jaw are still a bit swollen from the pain. Ummm...that's about it really. You already seen my new glove I guess.

Anyone looking forward to Halloween? Im not planning much and will probably stay at home eating Chinese food and drinking beer and watching horror films all night.

It's been a year now. I wonder how many people remember...how many people that aren't family will remember that is. It's hard to get used to this. We weren't really close all the time. She could be abrasive and really piss me right the fuck off. Still, she was my sister. In some ways she helped make me who I am. My love of horror movies and hard rock. My more twisted way of looking at life and yeah a lot of my flaws that make people that know me get pissed off at me too. I suppose that's unavoidable though. I was an impressionable kid after all. After our father died my sister developed her wild streak and we drifted apart a bit to say the least. Hell, we straight up fought. In the intervening years we were closer but never like we were as kids. Oddly enough we got together again because of horror films. She helped with a make-up application for a film project that never was finished and we laughed together though a watching of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Later we started to get closer again as family but then, one day it was too late. Some of the glue that held our family together is gone. She wasn't perfect and she did a lot of stupid things (Don't we ALL) but she was my sister. Even though we weren't always close as family I've discovered that she left a hole. It's bigger than I thought it would be. Sort of like a bullet wound. The entrance wound is small but the exit wound of her passing is a lot bigger and it left a huge void as a bullet will do. It's kinda hard to explain all of this and I can't tell if it sounds coherent really. I'm not a "writer" I like storytellers so I'm sure my literary capabilities are shit but I'm trying to not let that effect what I'm saying. Ordinarily I would probably disappear for awhile to be alone but I feel like being withdrawn right now is incorrect though I feel like curling up in a corner for a few days. Thing is I don't think that's what Kim would do...not that I'm trying to be "more like my big sister" I mean she had her problems I don't want to duplicate but the point is I want to honor the good memories of my sister and not her mistakes, so I'm going to not disappear for a few days or curl up in the corner. Anyhow, I can't think of anything more to say. It's taken me too long to write this and I've lost my flow of thought.

As of this morning my last day of work was completed. Now comes the chore of switching over to being awake during the daytime! This ought to be "fun" to do. I also will be setting myself up some unemployment to cover my time until I can grab something temporarily for a few months. I'll be going back to my old job in October though so that's OK. I'm only hoping that I'll be able to score a permanent position with the company by then. Usually if they call you back this many times they know you're dedicated and will hire you...fingers and toes are definitely crossed.

Until then I'll be working on some projects like finishing my first run of sonic screwdrivers and designing an attachment piece for a prosthetic hand for fine manipulation. More on that as I work on it will be shared. I also plan to try to get myself back in shape. I'm afraid I've been a bit lax in that department and while I'm not in terrible shape I'm not as in shape as I used to be. That's a bit depressing considering I used to model for artists for their figure studies privately.

I'll also be trying to pick up where things left off last year when my sister died. I just haven't had the luxury of letting it all wash over me and considering my family has averaged a tragedy like this every ten years or so I really need to address my issues with this...therapy may not be out of the question. Think of it as spring cleaning of the mind.

Also, I have some spring cleaning to do...not in my head this time but around the house. We have some yard work to do and an apartment that needs straitening out. It's been a bit cluttered in here recently with all the figures I've been collecting so I need to make an effort to organize things.

WHOOO! Will six months be enough? D: