Warning: Sad Post.

Six weeks, since the universe swiped my legs out from beneath me, from beneath so many folks I know and love. Six weeks since his passing, that ripped raw, hearts and souls and lives. Six weeks, or, perhaps a little less, I told myself, to every day, expand my world. To walk on, to hold the love I have, close and tight and let it warm and fill and lead me.

I know grief. I've been witness to it for a long time. Watched it swallow people's lives, and break them. I understand grief,
I used to think. In some mundane way that it came and went like the tide. It would wash over us, bury us, and then, eventually, ebb and make its way again, out of our lives. And perhaps that is true. ..For a month. ..Or a week. ..Or a day.
Because the tide keeps coming back in. And my feet are still stuck in the sand.

I cried, I lamented, the day I learned he was gone. I tried to let it take its course, and be. To say I was, if not okay, that I was getting there. To feel that emptiness, and close my eyes in the attempt to fill that emptiness with the familiar. With memories. With Fondness. With Light. And the love in every message.

I found myself assuredly soothed, that I was progressing, that grief had found its path, in the resounding love of others who knew the same pain. I had reconnected. Gotten to know more. Become a part of something I had only drifted in the modest orbit of for so long.

But he was not there. He was not in the glow of the full-moon, or the glitter of the stars. He wasn't in the smell of the rain, or the brush of the wind. He wasn't in the gentle budding of spring. The cool grass underfoot or the warm sun on my face. He wasn't in the glisten in the dewdrops in the morning, nor the gentle radiance of the sun as it rose to wake me.
Even in the most mundane, moments, sounds in calls and chats. Someone joining a call, and my heart gave a small leap. 'Maybe that's him!' only to fall flat with the reminder that of course it wasn't.
There was only the idea of him that I put in each. A gift. A reminder. A beacon. Here I am, I see you, I am with you, I am everywhere. In every familiar shared song. In words and stories. In nostalgia and shared memories.

It is the strangest thing to say that he felt like Christmas. This promise of surprise and joy-filled gifts in every word we shared. To bring the biggest grin to my face, at even the smallest thing. Warmth, and familiarity and kinship. And now the decorations are gone, the tree is packed away, the lights are all off, and.. it's gone. It won't come back.

I hear of others opening up, sharing, falling apart, pulling back together. And I ache. I cannot. Be it.. pride, or fear, or caution. Who will I hurt, stirring up these memories. Who will find it absurd, how much it aches? Who would call me hypocrite, in my posturing words trying to sound wise of pain and loss and grief, to see me shattering again? And so it is mine to nurse and horde in silence. ...Except here, perhaps.

Even now, I feel guilty, writing this. But, I have to. The tide has been rising higher, and gods I have been struggling to deal with it. To trudge up the beach, to escape its weight. But I keep stumbling. Melancholy grips me tight, and words fail me among friends, this same pain that still courses through so many people, is in me too, and I can't bear it.
Rest assured I am not.. a danger to myself. Nothing of the sort, but, it is just.. so much.

I feel that I know grief better now. I empathize with those I have seen it break down, day by day. Those who battle it to keep going, because at last, I am there too. Wrangling this thing that is as much a part of me, as it is antithetical to me.
I still try to hold fast to the love I had, and at moments, it works. Every step forward, I know he would smile, and be proud, and urge me to keep going.

But when I look back, he's still not there. And I stumble.

I imagine most folk by now are aware of  Forest-wolf's passing.
Sudden, unexpected, and absolutely devastating.

He knew, and touched so many people, myself included, in such a positive way, and to see him taken so soon hurts more than I want to put into words.

He was always a brilliant soul, a wonderful friend, an incredible talent, and the blessing so many folks needed.

I know the tears haven't finished yet, and they likely won't for some time.
Grief is, as they say, love that has no where to go.

Thank you, Forest. The world is brighter for your having been here, and wherever you are, I hope your path continues on, in radiant light and love.

Thank you for the place to meet so many folks in my life.
For a place to share strange, silly, fun stories and art.
For helping house a community.

You deserved so much better than what you ended up with.
Rest well, travel safe.

And once more, Thank you.

Howdy team!

With 8/8 approaching, I'm looking at doing another bunch of short-stories for it,

drop me a one or two sentence idea for one you'd like to see! C:

*Adds another notch* :D
Where's my distinguished air? and salt and pepper hair? D:<

Until the orbit is complete. |3~ *Crotchedy wheeze!*

Thirtieth swing about the daystar!

And another notch is added. :3

Headed to sydney, Gimme those scribble ideas!

So, who remembers my Dorf Diaries Series?

I'm considering on doing something similar, however, with the game Rimworld this time.
Numbers are a lot smaller than with dwarf fortress, and things are more likely to get messed up.
If you want to star your character for a spot, lemme know.
I've got 2 positions available in the starting crew, one reserved for one of mine to write the stories,
I'm happy to rename newcomers to the colony as they arrive.
There are also positions for invaders, aliens and pet animals.

Lemme know if you're interested and in what position. :D

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19888294/ Go play this! Look out for cameos, kupo!

Specifically, a shout-out for thing-specific days. But in this case I'm happy to make an exception.

April 23rd is International FOP awareness day, and there's been some pretty big news stirring in that community.
Which is wonderful news to me, given two of my closest friends suffer from the condition.

IFOPA.org is the place to go to learn a bit about it.

Taking on three ideas for tomorrow's train trip. Lay em on me. I'll be picking them tomorrow~

Tal's; https://www.dropbox.com/s/a36wtwe60.....91724.jpg?dl=0
Lu's https://www.dropbox.com/s/lx2xfuhe2.....91747.jpg?dl=0
And Jayde's; https://www.dropbox.com/s/nb1p84qlo.....91823.jpg?dl=0

The latter two aren't complete, but I'll probably get about to updating them. :3

Off to Sydney, so I need some ideas to draw while I'm on the train.

Gimme!

I had a very comfortable, rather wonderful birthday.

Thanks to all the shouts of well wishing and such, they brought a huge stupid smile to my face for the day.
Here's to like, a thousand more dings!

All these expansions, I swear to glob. 9.9

Happy Birthday Me! :D

2 days to go. |3 Bwargh. Why does the level keep going uuuup

Like last time! Free sketches! Gimme ideàs!

Train trip back home time! Gimme those scribble ideas!

 Kentam's doing a thing!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16063141/

It's a YCH kinda auction thing with a vore story!
If you enjoy sticking humans places, or want one of his hungry critters to have at you by word, I advise you check it out! He's a wonderful writer! :D

A copy of Final Fantasy Theatrhythm for the 3DS?
It's the original one, not curtain call, and is for American/canadian consoles.
Drop me a note if you are.

Also; I'm still open for commissions.

Yay! FA's back! huzzah!

Also http://boingboing.net/2014/10/18/if.....o-the-new.html

Which is pretty super shitty. I definitely don't agree. What're your thoughts?

So, I had an absolutely amazing day, yesterday.
Even though I had to work, I had good vibes the whole way through.
Thank you to everybody who wished me happy birthday,
to AEthian, Joey, Solid, Freaky, Mug and a bunch of others in particular for making my heart positively glow.
I'm very lucky to have you all.
Thank you again for making it such a wonderful day. <3

I have once more Orbited.
*Commences celebrating of escape-from-the-womb day*

Until my birthday! Yaaaaay!