Shortly after TantricToon's post, I had made a preliminary response on my twitter as an extension of the initial journal I made 8 months ago. The journal was vague primarily to not give much water to the individual making the claims. Now that the subject has been resurfaced and signal boosted, I'll be as publicly transparent as I was privately to people when this was first transpiring.

I've spent the last few days explaining what had happened again to those closest to me, and newer friends I've made. This is why it has taken me until today to put out a proper, measured response. If you don't want to believe what I have to say, I can understand that. But I implore you to at least understand that despite the implications in the tweet, I stopped about a year ago at this point, and believe what I did was wrong. I view these actions to be harmful despite not having malicious intent, and take full responsibility for what I did.

What matters most is the two people mentioned in the dm, who will remain anonymous. Despite what was leaked, much of the context is left out in order to amplify the severity of the accusations pertaining to my intent, and the extent of what I did. I'd like to refer back to the prior paragraph and say the context is not an excuse or justification. It was wrong of me to do what I did, and I don't continue to do it in any form. The context is important to actually understand the situation though.

To get the worst out of the way, let's first cover the one I had done rp with. I met them through a mutual of a friend, as a friend of a friend. As time went on and we talked, they expressed interest in doing rp. After consideration of the circumstances, I figured it could be alright as long as I kept strict boundaries and guidelines given they lived on the other side of the globe. As said in the leaked dm, I never initiated rp, and had many limits to the content matter when they did want to rp. This meant our rp was akin to a Looney Tunes scenario, in which trap devices, machinery, and broader instruments capable of flattening were used on Sebe. On that note, the flattening was where the rp would stop. I never escalated it any further than that, and diligently enforced the boundaries in order to keep it from going further. That was what I meant when I said in the leaked dm, 'only taking over to steer it away from even tenuously sfw places.' A portion of the rp we did wasn't even toon stuff, but fights between Sebe and their oc, with conflicts involving their abilities and non-toony combat equipment. They were the first, and last minor I did rp with.

In this time, I also did sketches for them, and another minor very infrequently. I did not do rp with the other minor, but did draw sketches for them. I had met them through a server about a third the size of the late TheSquishGang, with many members of varying size and status being active in both. I digress. I focused the majority of my time and effort on other things, only doing these sketches rarely as quick practice. You could count the sketches I did for both on one hand. One sketch was just their oc dressed as Luffy from One Piece in the Gear 2nd pose. Similar to the rp, I had many rules and limits on these sketches. And like the rp, I have come to deeply regret doing them at all. The sketches were not produced out of my own intent to advance upon them, or out of weird attraction towards them. It was simply what I did for most of my friends at the time; doing quick sketch gifts when practicing drawing.

This brings me to my final point of this journal: The majority of the people close to me that I've talked to about this could understand that I am not attracted to minors, that I had no intent to 'groom' or manipulate either of these two individuals in any way, and that I stopped almost a year ago because of such. I have not, nor ever intend to defend 'MAPs,' which of course stands for Masquerading Asshole Pedophiles. I believe that if someone is genuinely attracted to people too young to consent (age of consent being at least 18 years of age) that they are mentally ill, and should seek help. I've apologized to the two back when this first occurred, and even again as I had reached out to them recently. They are in the aforementioned majority.

I understand that many may not read this to the end, or be willing to believe my word up against the word of someone with the relative size and status that Tantric has. But I value honesty, and this is the reality of the situation that happened nearly a year ago at this point from the perspective of the person accused.

If you have read to the end, I'm grateful, and hope you have a wonderful rest of your week, whatever you've got going on. I'm tired.

Time flies when college is beating you down, huh? @w@

Sorry for the inconsistency of activity, both on uploading art works I've done, and in socializing. Been improving on both as I've been able to more reasonably schedule my semester out, but for this first half, it was quite difficult. Alongside probably the most amount of course work I've gotten in any semester, many of you probably know that I had to complete 3 papers and a midterm over what was supposed to be fall break. Ate up 3 of my 4 days, and since then I had some pretty bad insomnia problems. The good news is that last night I got my first night of full sleep in a couple weeks, and though I've got another wave of papers already assigned, I was given at least a few weeks to a month of advance notice this time!

The bad news is that I've decided to postpone most other stuff, like commissions once more. I am back to drawing and socializing consistently again though, so I'll at least be uploading stuff still!

Hope that these last few months are going alright for yall. Will be more active once again!

My sleep has been relatively healthy for most of the semester so far. That was until a few days ago.

Not the worst insomnia I've had; definitely not a night without any sleep. It was a night without enough sleep for sure though. Woke up after my classes with barely a few hours of sleep, and didn't wake up until 3pm the day after. My sleep health is rebalancing back to the typical schedule, but my health took quite a toll. Still recovering, though I'm definitely feeling better.

Sorry for falling off the radar for the past few days everyone. Will be back around tomorrow =w=

I've been quite busy. This semester is already pretty heavy with the work load. I've been able to keep up with drawings, but I've been sorely lacking in socializing. So my plan is to change that! Unfortunately, I won't have much free time to be available on any given day, but since I'm mostly on top of my school work, and have a better idea of what my weeks will look like, I have a plan for setting aside time to talk with peeps again :3

Besides that, I'll be uploading soon too; got things done as mentioned before, but I've been getting through anxiety. For some reason, I've attributed anxiety to posting, so that's another thing I'm working on.

Finally, I'll be doing a bunch of other things too! Plan to play some more games with friends, discarded an entire video script to start a new, more positive one for real, been doing a ton of reading, both course materials and otherwise, and I hope to get around more within the broader community as usual!

This leaves out a lot of personal stuff, and it looks like the commissions I said I would open by the end of summer are probably going to be opened... next summer. But that is all for the time being, and I hope nobody reading this is as stressed and anxious as I have been over the last week!

Hello everyone:

I've had a tumultuous month. One week of deciding to commit to habit and life changes, the next week having to put a decent amount of things on halt because of getting ill in my stomach (mostly due to the physical and mental health stress said illness gave me), the week after that having my accelerated summer course start up, and finally up to the start of this week, having just gotten the textbook I've been waiting on for said class. A day after I was required to take one of the three sizeable tests too (dunno if it was technically called a unit test, but it basically was), but the good news is I somehow managed to pass it with a C. All if this leads me to say that I'm sorry I've been so inconsistent with everyone! I really do appreciate the patience and support you guys have for me. I'll still probably be mia for communications for the day, but I finally have a plan for tomorrow and how I'll keep up with everyone onward :3

As for the rest of this journal, there actually isn't a lot. I'm just going to detail the things I plan on doing for the rest of the season. Probably in order, maybe not:

1: Update my information across my various profiles
2: Finish uploading art I had done for others, start and continue on OC content again (so basically tomorrow)
3: Finish through the summer course, keep up the animal rescue stuff
4: Assemble a proper commission sheet and get those started hopefully. Graphic design is...
5: Make another journal/update on current events in my life after all this has been done, including various things not touched upon!

Hope yall are alright lately. If not, hope things get better!

Finally, after another bad month of May that makes it seem the month I was born in is a norm for being an ideal time for me to have ruts... and after finally getting over my thc addiction and relapses, you all know what that means for a journal update...

Well, maybe you do, maybe you don't. Usually I'd have a lengthy summer update to post, detailing my plans for this next couple of months. And I did write/plot one out. But this will be different. I still hope to illustrate what my plans will be, but over the last few months, a lot has happened for me. Both positive and negative, I've gotten through it, and have learned a surprising amount from it.

To make a long story short, thanks to my first trial of ketamine infusions, and starting another trial due to said few months without getting the proper maintenance follow up, I've gotten a newfound clarity for what I want to do with my life! So it's not so much a matter of detailing what I'll do here, but rather, I've got long term goals for producing media/content, and projects that I'm truly passionate about, and have a pretty good game plan for getting it all done having done much further reading on proper productivity and resting! Probably not by the end of this summer given the scope, but definitely within the near future. But what does that mean for my Furaffinity?

This means that, for once, I'll finally have a regular posting schedule for FA as well. Not like, once a week, but maybe biweekly at least! I got caught up a lot with making art for others, which I still want to, and enjoy doing! But still, I lost track of my own passion for drawing. Though I have a couple more birthday pics I've got coming up for some friends, I'll be focusing on oc content again as I have been since the start of this summer. And again, I like drawing things for others! But I need to draw my own stuff more, at least for my own sanity.

All that said, commissions will finally be opened soon, and stay open! I just need to post what I've been holding onto for the last couple of months first before setting up the proper price guide post and ych stuff.

Anyways, I hope anyone reading this is having a good day, and that you too are able to feel the motivation to do whatever it is you've been wanting to!

Thank you for reading :3

Hello, deleted most of the journals of this year for some spring cleaning!

To make a long story short for how most of my spring went though, the first month went fine, albeit with not great weather. Then I had a bad streak of insomnia that led to an all nighter in April which, after multiple attempts, I couldn't fall asleep. For the last week of April, I mostly chilled with some new video games while fixing my sleep schedule. By now, I think I've gotten it under control once more, going to sleep around 12 - 12:30 consistently again, and waking up without much oversleeping. In the last week or so with this fixed sleep, I had finally gotten to finishing up most of the art obligations I've had lined up for peeps!

Though I have one more update until I hope to get oc and commission stuff rolling out, I have started on some stuff already. Currently, I have three pieces of art left to do for others, two cause technically one is almost finished. Once I finish it up, I'll upload the pieces, and then in a week or two I'll finally have the summer update pre-cooked and prepared! Also been tough on top of irl things I've had to reckon with, but I hope it'll be worth the wait :D

Best to everybody, and I'll be back in touch again soon as I get back to a state of normal!

For starters, sorry to everyone! I had a really rough period after 4/20 where my health took quite a hit due to a combination of troubles sleeping, with my appetite and gut health, and with my mental health because of it. Physically my stomach is returning to a better point as I've been mindful about my food intake again, and with it, I've been eating foods with sleep in mind for dinner. This, stretches, exercise, and other mindful practices has helped me since, and though I'm quite drained, I should be back in a day or two.

Also working on OC stuff finally, fr fr. I also apologize for leaving some people waiting on drawings and updates, but that too will likely be completed soon as I am getting over the art block I also experienced in the last week.

Thank you all for your patience and kindness to me as always. I may be feeling physically ill still, but you guys always make me feel better, and I'm grateful to continue meeting people even after being around for a few years!

Health is wealth, and I hope yall are doing good in that regard!

In a first, this will be an EverGreen [EG] journal because of the nature of the situation.

I'm sure a good amount of those who view this journal will have some idea of the 'somebody' given the changes I made to my gallery roughly a week or two ago, but the individual in question is someone I have moved on from by now, nor one I want anything to do with in any foreseeable future.

In short, I was friends with this someone nearly since I joined FA, and I had considered them rather close. They were the second person I confided in the background behind why I had such terrible social anxiety on top of my other anxieties, as well as severe trust issues. Needless to say, they disregarded this. They disregarded everything about our relationship, and untactfully made it clear they were just using me toward the end. They were using me for art I could give them through gifts and trades. They used the respect and kindness we shared for favor with other people. And all the time we had spent together...

All of it was for whatever petty gain they could get out of me. For all that I vouched for them, and stood up for them to others, it became more and more clear they weren't doing the same. In fact, quite the opposite. Once I found out the heinous things they were accusing me of, it was clear they were actively trying to maximize the damage they could do against me before dropping me when I was no longer of use to them.

But that experience with the abuser I confided in them had a takeaway. One they ironically didn't seem to remember or care about. The thing I learned was to not internalize any attempts to harass me after I cut ties with them, especially when it is their projection. When it all came to a head, where they weren't even attempting to obfuscate or hide their bread crumbing, gas-lighting, and duplicity, bringing the worst they had to offer right to my door... well, it was quite troubling, but I minimized the damage for the most part.

Unfortunately, they are likely continuing to spread rumors and ill sentiments about me, but the least I can do to reduce future harm to myself is provide my account publicly.

Yall take care of yourself, and value your individual worth!