Today i turn 22. so ye

I am completely obliterated from twitter. All 3 accounts Suspended.

I wish I could leave social media, but I need comms, and at the very least people are active here. So I guess I could be healing

Weirdly Enough, I think I have motivation to storyboard and work on ROBO STRIKE on my own. But, I don't want to get rid of the storyboarders I hired... What should I do?

I should probably give out deadlines to get the storyboarding for ROBO STRIKE done. But, at the same time I'm worried I might overwork them and stress them out unintentionally... What can I do to get this out to everyone?

I'm still having/looking for free storyboarders for ROBO STRIKE. But I have thought about this for a while:

If this doesn't work out, do you think I should do the whole thing all by myself, or just scrap it entirely and move on?

i thought about for a while, but i decided to make a public server where you get to have creative control and stuff. here it is: https://discord.gg/JRdA6dVfAC

I'm still in the process of searching for a storyboard artist for my manga ROBO STRIKE. If there is anyone willing to storyboard, or at least know someone interested in storyboarding (preferably for free), that would be GREATLY appreciated. I want to do something with ROBO STRIKE soon enough and not leave it in the dust.

No one might care enough to read this, idk. But after thinking this through for a while, I need to stop treating my space like it's some sort of diary. Always asking people for help, yet not taking comfort. That event really messed me up badly. I want to talk to someone about it, but it's so traumatising to go back to it. And I'm scared of driving my friends away if I have to talk to them... I hate going back to it... I hate my mind... I hate venting... I hate worrying my friends....

This is something I dont really ask much. But is anyone interested in storyboarding robo strike for me? I'm not sure if I have the mental energy to get started right away, as Im still sorta recovering. If anyone is willing to do this (preferably for free since I dont have a lot of money on me right now), that would be appreciated.

I have made a VA demo I have uploaded on youtube. So yes, I also do voice acting as well for projects for friends. Check down below
https://youtu.be/nbHoCoVuDa0

I am not ok.

January was terrible for me. Bad things happened to me again that month. I've been mentally breaking myself the whole month there. I've made mistakes that affected my friends. Mentally and Emotionally Unstable towards my friends. Lost the will to do anything now. I hate it... I hate myself...

So after months and months of applying, I have finally got approved for VGen. So once again commissions will be open

Here's my VGen Link: https://vgen.co/STUDIOMILES

Im scared of everyone... everything.... I dont know what to do, who to trust...

So um... I'm sorta recovering from my episodes I did last week. And I have to come to a conclusion that I will have to continue doing school. It's an unfortunate situation I put myself in, but it is a decision I have to collectively make. But that means that throughout my school years, I have to be more reliant on commissions. I am currently applying for job as I'm writing this, but I don't have faith those will go over well. So I have some propositions forever available if anyone is interested.

Art Commissions

Not a suprise that commissions is open. But now, they are open indefinitely, And the slots thing..? I might remove it... maybe..? Because I want to be able to have as many clients as possible. But I don't want to strain myself more than I need to. So maybe they will be weekly slots. Like weekly commissiosn then the next, and etc.

Now for other opporitunities I'm open to doing.

Voice Acting

I'm not sure if this like new to you all, but I have been doing voice acting for my friends previously. And I do plan to continue with my own projects. But I am available to doing voice acting for any project. This is sort of a new venture for me, but I'm willing to take any possible outcome for commissions. And I am willing to take any price you have for me. I will be working on a VA demo soon. But as of now, here are some examples below:


https://youtu.be/KkHerTC16u0 (Jeremy Dimitri)

https://youtu.be/taUDZurDXlE (Rad the Cat)

https://youtu.be/YfdtxhstzcA (Simon Squirtle)

Writing Commissions

I am also available to do writing commissions. This is another venture I have been getting into as I wrote previously for friends of mine. The price will be about $20 per 100 words maybe..? I'm not sure on the prices, but I am hoping it is fair and reasonable.

StoryBoard Commissions

Finally, I am also up to doing storyboarding commissions, whether it is for a comic or animation, I am also open to doing storyboarding commissions. And I will take any price you offer for me in this position.


So yea... All these options are available, and indefinitely open. So if you are interested, feel free to reach out to me via discord (since not everyone keeps track of notes.).


And one last note... I would like to apologize for the meltdown in my previous journals. I'm sorta in a dire situation where I don't know what my future holds for me at this point. I'm doing my best to be more responsible and make better decisions. Because I'd rather not have to lead to more bad thoughts and stressing out my mom. I want to be able to thrive with others and help myself thrive. So again, I apologize for the episodes, and thank you to those who have shown me great support the past week. I need to remember to take support more... Thank you for reading...

Leaving my friends behind at my worst was the biggest mistake I did... It made me feel worse... All i've done this past week is constantly venting about everything... I want to go back, but I'm scared because I feel like I made enough of a ruckus making people worry about me too much... I hate this week... I hate it...

I feel worse... I keep stressing out mom... Im trying not to... I never meant to... Im scared... I'm really scared... I really need support, but idk... I feel like i caused too much of a ruckus.... But at the same time, I really need comfort... company.., anything... I'm literally in dark thoughts again...

I had a talk with my mom. She understands and says The best option i have is to keep going to school. And if I drop out, then I have to have a job. Or at least apply for disability benefits... Fuck... Why do I keep doing this to myself...

Im sorry for speaking out like this. My life is just out of control at this point. Idk what I can do with myself...

I can't keep doing college... This was supposed to be my last year. I have to do two more years... I can't do two more years... I just cant... I can't drop out... No job takes me in regardless if I lie or be honest. I let everyone down....

Why do I do this to myself? Why di I shut off support? Why di I keep make mistakes? Why can't I be more responsible? Why can't i stop burdenning the ones I love and care? Why...?

Bad thoughts... they're... back... coming back... want to die. want to do it... starving myself... forget about me...

What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Im so weak...