SSSSAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL TO YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUYAYAYAYAYEHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUSINESS AS USUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CARGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO HEARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for wanting someone all to myself? . . . . I just don't understand what a good guy's suppose to do when he finds a cute looking guy that seems interesting. It's like all I want to do is talk his ear off because literally, he seems interesting let alone he's cute as can be. Yet, like so many people on here, he's soo in tune with the FA community and any comments he makes that involves him and others and their interests towards him just makes me crazy. Like it's a competition and I hate that! I don't understand why boys should be a competition. I talked to him a little bit and he seemed chill around me and he knows i think he's attractive, but I don't think he takes me seriously or even anyone else on here. I mean i don't want to say i'm jealous but maybe I am a bit. Overall hands down, he lives very far away but still, i've done long distance before and Idk, isn't everyone always looking for the right person. haha it's not like any of this i'm writing is a lie. Sure it maybe bullshit but I kinda wish I could have a chance. I kinda wish that he would comment me and be interest and be like that little puppy that nudges and nudges and nudges until ur left no opinion but to go and do it. IIIIIII Do that all the time though, no one ever does that 2 me. . . . W/e I probably sound really selfish right now but still, a guy can dream and think about my arms around him, caressing and holding him as I listen to his words free flow. Still what I never see is someone just coming out and saying "I like u" then the person they like actually liking them back and taking them in. It's always EEEEWWWW or I'll call u or SSSSIIIILLLLEEEENNNNCCCEEE . . . wtf. eh whatever, take it for what it's worth, wonder if anyone will repply. maybe he will haha

I seriously don't get people. I don't understand why I put my heart out to get it totally slashed at. I kept hinting to this guy that I liked him without actually saying "I LIKE U" and i don't think he took the hint. He goes away and comes back and I see he has a boyfriend. I'm not a stalker, i'm not a jerk, i'm just curious as hell and it drives me nutz to know that I have soo much love and soo much affection to give to someone, but they keept dodging. At this point, rejection really doesn't matter anymore but at times it hurts. It's totally criminal and there should be a fine for every time the act is committed. I know no one wants to hear this, I know the boy who i liked will . . . but it feels good to vent this out. Still, it makes me literally sit down and think out loud, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE . . . . then i don't get how some people only want to know others for sex, for a sexual night or two and that's it . . . . THAT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP, THAT'S NOT EVEN HUMAINE!! . . . Yet when you hint interest in someone and even though you may not be a sexy beast, your hinting no interest in sex but a nice conversation. You look for a chance to get to know someone and be close to them. NOPE, instead we have to find some dumb and unkind way to slap you in the face . . . Again, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE . . . .

From the lowest depth of my heart's desire
There is a burning like a wild fire
Over beauty that I want, but can never have
For it is in a different state of mind
What I find beautiful, I can not have
But at the bottom depth of my heart's desire
I look and search and this is what I find:

Eternal and Everlasting Love
A rightful place and feeling of peace with the world
Happiness for me but all those around me
Freedom from stresses and living conflicts
Harmony between the world and all these phrases

Just Before You Feel The Car Go Under
Roll The Windows Down

Just Before You Fill Your Lungs With Water
Watch The Fish Slide In

All Your Wasted Time In Silence . . . .

. . . . Then I saw something float by in the water . . . . . .



....... . . . . . .. . . . . . . A Skull . . . . . . . . . . . .

Thanks Submarines, Now I'm back in the Hippy State! Which is good, i could use a break from all this depression and crap from these boys, Feelings good to scream about clouds and flowers and dreams and things not always actually there. Peace, Love, Music, and Happiness; best types of drug ever. <333

I run to the far back
back there in the corner back
tears falling down my cheek
face buried in my arms making me weak
I can hardly breathe
I'm crying too hard

I'm in the yard crouched next to the fence in the far back
back there in the corner back
the tears keep coming down my cheek
it's made me so weak
i can hardly breathe
i'm crying so hard

His hands move down to carry me
I cry on his chest as he cradles me
He was there to comfort me
He cared for me

We came back from the movies
Mom was in the driveway
All she did was cry
"Ohh Alice *sobs* Dinah's been hit by a car"

broken and shattered . . . That's what i get for dreaming and hoping on something :( I hate life!

Good ol' sir do you hear me? Cuz i'm getting so tired of this. You've left me here with no coat and sweater, and i'm freezing to the bone in this winter. Mister do you hear me, Your just sooooooooooo
Shit!
Cuz you were mine, yeah all mine. but leaving me here won't solve no good. So i keep looking, keep trying to find someone new who will give a shit about this madness. I had to write a verse or 2 about it, just to get my point across. It's Friday and I feel the air is closing all around me like words of hate flying at me like daggers of this frozen winter. Will i die like flowers of spring. Yet it brings me to my point . . . .

Where Have All The Men Gone???

They're like fuckin christmas presents, you gotta have it, gotta just have it!!!! Once one is free from some bitch, someone else swoops in and grabs him and rapes the living shit outta the poor bastard . . . Bitches need to chill already.

I need a man just like all you girls need one 2, and now is great before the year begins a new! But that's what i'm wondering you fun and silly and playful furry friends. Seriously, Anybody on this thing whose NOT mated yet or what . . . am I being too much of a bitch or do i have a point. I know someone agrees out there.

So please, I thank you all for checking my panties and my bras

I read this book called Memory and Dream by Charles De Lint and I was impressed! It was about an artist named Isabelle and she was a college student who stumbled upon a well known artist, Vincent Rushkin.
Well he took her in and started giving her sessions or classes on art, teaching her how to be as good as him basically. Eventually though, she learns even more. She learns her way through into being given a gift. Every portrait, every painting she did that had a soul in it, the subject within the painting, it would come to life.
She brought over from the before, which is where these creatures come from, a Native American Indian she painted. He eventually became her boyfriend. She sent him away though because of all these things he told her about her mentor, Rushkin. How he was a monster and he would eat and devour her creations. Rushkin told her about Angels and Monsters, but overall, he never told her things straight forward and truthfully. Overall, it ended with him being destroyed after all the shit he gave Isabelle. She was able to save some of her creations but many died in the fire that took her home.
It's a very good book, for all you artists and fantasy people. You should check it out, and even the authors work. Charles De Lint is a fantastic fantasy writer and he's been doing it for a long time now, his most newest novel, The Mystery of Grace, was also a really good book. It blew me away!! I was really impressed and entertained! :)

Listening to this song by The Sounds and it's really good just ending song for school. Graduating Friday, I'm excited and happy that it is done!!! I'm going to miss sooo many people. Some people I want to forget, some I never want to lose touch with, some will be my bestie for life!!!! Ever Since the 10th, I've been partying to No Doubt, Paramore, and The Sounds because i went to the No Doubt Inspiration Tour 2009. They were in town and my best friend got 2 tickets back at her birthday. We went and had A BLAST!!! I spent a 100 bucks on Merchandise which was CRAZY but worth it. I am just blasting the tunes left and right ever since then. I've got "NO ONE SLEEPS WHEN I'M AWAKE" on then I turn it over to "HELLA GOOD" then some "MISERY BUSINESS" then even "STAND AND DELIVER" which is the new single No Doubt put out. It's a cover song from another band, but it is special cuz at the concert they sang this song but all three bands came together to perform the song. And sitting here it reminds me back to my birthday. It seems now I can't put one in front of the other, I have 2 best friends and at my birthday a while back, they were both there. For a while now, my best friend I knew since 9th grade, we were falling apart but recently things were mended. The three bands came up to perform just like my friends came to celebrate my birthday. Just even now how they're still here for me, it's amazing and i am so grateful and that we will know each other forever and make something great in life just like those bands gave a kick ass performance of Stand And Deliver. Well, I haven't typed up a journal recently but I thought I'd do one. :P Home is where your heart is, is a great song to end this year on. It really just wrapps EVERYTHING TOGETHER!!!!! and in the lyrics, it speak truth about finding ur place in the world, and discovering who you are! It's true, you have to do that before you can go one, am I right or what? :P Well I am happy that it's time to move on to the next chapter in my life! I am proud that I passed with Advance and i didn't drop out or anything! These years in school were fun, but I'm ready to work on my career now! :P and to meet my love and just Live. I've got to find him, to find my home, to live where my heart is! Well GONGRATS ALL YOU Graduating! '09!!!!! SO FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

the time is coming close to the end, all pieces in tac, in place, in perfect place. The edging is showing so many things and the center is quite filled but only a few more pieces remain. All these different parties come together to unite. Generations after Generations still with us to show where we've come. Yet so soon all will be complete. It will be the end . . . . To start a beginning

Ha Ha hA . . . I'm impressed & shocked by all my messages. IDK so many people gave a damn. Also, Thank U FA 4 saving my writings! My CPU Died so I lost a few. I DO say 2 all haters, Go away! I hurt like everyone else. As of now, Love is Dead and that is what I've come 2 believe! That's my status 4 whoever cares. Coming from The Mad Theater in Heart City, Wonderland. Remember, this is no fairy tale!

when you feel like there is something good . . . . it never lasts . . . . when it leaves-it's gone . . . . like a fish you can't get back . . . a mind thatz flipped about in so many ways . . . confused,messed with, destroyed . . . . all elements into one . . . . emotions all gone out of craze . . . . broken everywhere . . . . . nothing can ever be the same . . . . Madness is all around w/ torture to the mind. You feel it and I feel it . . . cutting off connections. All you want to do is avoid it. Eventually it comes back up and gets hold of u. Ready to take a punch. What good really would that be . . . . You said you wouldn't leave again. You left to please a world corrupt and in the end, what really is left. Confusion fills the head because madness is all around . . . . like a toxic gas. When you can't fight and have given up . . . . what kind of warrior are you? What do you think? All things good come to an end . . . hoping they wouldn't . . . . filter out the madness and you would reach the end of the chess board . . . . VICKTORY . . . . but you gave up in this game. The red queen took you out and now what? . . .

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To anyone who cares . . . . which ain't a lot but w/e . . . .. I'm like surprised once again by this whole things of Ends and Begins . . . . let me explain . . .. . Like there is a time of change right now where School ends and Work begins and it's crazy oh fast it is happening . . . . there's like 3 weeks left of school where the last week is just exams so everyones all cut up . . . they stay home if they don't have to come so . . . . i can't say goodbye to all . . . . so it's kinda crazy but . . .. all in all I'm really happy that this year is over . . . . cuz i'm tired of the drama . . . I'm tired of the love shit . . . . and i'm just really tired of it . . . . I'm sick of seeing all this people i find good looking and cute . . . . It pisses me off cuz that's not fair to my boyfriend . . . . but eh babe I'm faithful . . .. I'm not runnin no where w/ jackasses like Andrew . . . . but hey that's the all of it . . . these people piss me off and i'm ready to just leave them all behind it seems and not turn back . . . but um I'M HAPPY I GET MONEY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i started my job last weekend at the local water park and yesterday i got my my ID Card/Season Pass which everyone gets but it makes me happy that i get my own lanyard and my plastic pocket to put the card in and just wear it like I'm top dog hehe :D I'd say after a crazy 2007 summer i deserve it so :D but it's just a crazy change . . . . and fast coming and going so . . . . in a way i feel bad cuz right now i'm kinda thinking about how much money i'll get this summer and how many times when i'm off will i go to the park to have fun hmmm 2 NEW SLIDES I think alot . . . I was a dumass . . . and only went once besides at an employee party . . . . I need to use that thing more this summer so eh ttyl

the end could mean many things . . . a stop at the end of your line. you could have been talked to by the wind to continue on while ur cut up and bleeding and ur tired and sick and done with all of this but the wind keeps whispering to u go on go on go on . . . u keep going on then ur nowhere . . . u don't know how to keep going on nor go back to the beginning . . . to go home. then again what is home . . . what is any of this . . . ur surroundings just fade away to nothing . . . when all u see is white and nothing more . . . you know you've reached the end.

You know it's weird because you think it would never happen to you and you would never find love. Some people think that it's everything, and some think it's nothing. I think it means everything in this world because it's happiness and it's magic all in one. Recently my feelings toward people are weird and i thought i liked someone. Turns out he just broke me and used me. I left him and went away but i'm glad he gave me this site because some many people are nice on here. I met someone and i talk to him some times but for some reason every time i do it brings my day from a bad day to a good one. he just means a lot to me cuz it seems like we get along well and we have a lot in common. just don't know what will happen . . .

well recently I've not been in the best mood I can possibly b in . . . a crazy furry kat wasn't diggin who I was or anything. Tore me down shred by shred until I'm left with nothing. but I finished my book today and I wanted to read the actually stories more so of Alice in Wonderland. The first novel being Alice's Adventures Underground then of course the second being Through The Looking-Glass . . . All of it took me forever cuz there were some parts slow and dull but hey thatz books period . . . good parts slow parts yeah but it was a really good book and to think about it . . . It was all a long endless and crazy journey through your mind really . . . It states in a poetic way that Wonderland's just anyones dream. . . but what really got me happy and excited and just to think about it put yourself in Alice's place in this scene let me explain it. . . In the beginning of Through The Looking-Glass the Red Queen tells Alice that she's a pawn and the country side is a giant chess board and it took Alice 11 moves and certain ways to get to the 8th spot. Characters she would be after and ones after her because it's a real life chess game. but it went like this . . . as she waved goodbye to the white knight she started to run down the hill, past the brook, and then she would be Queen. If you could imagine a field of flowers and a happy bright scene with the sun and the animals and bright world. And she felt something on her head and as she took it down off her head it was indeed a golden crown. It just made me think after everything the entire journey and everything that went a bit mad well it can't be that bad to be Queen resting in the flowered field and the bright sun shining down on you. I guess it's just me cuz I can be a hippie some times but it just shows the happy times. . . Don't we all wish they'd last forever . . .

Well I'm new to the site . . . i actually just finished a drawing that i hope i'll have up soon . . . it's so cute because it is a boy w/ wolf ears and he's hugging his tail that he loves a lot cuz if he didn't have his tail then what would he be . . .