I really don't do social media, but i'm trying to do it a little bit more. I made an account on bluesky, and you can follow me there if you like:

https://bsky.app/profile/susanqueue.bsky.social

You may remember a while ago i wrote some wordvomit about an idea i had for a Lily story.

Well, i've been really inspired lately and have eben talking a lot with a few friends about a new story i'm thinking of, and i'm getting really excited about it!

I have no idea when I'm actually going to post anything for it, because it's ambitious and complicatd and i want to do it right, but I'm soooooo excited about it> in fact, i wanted to make a sace where i could talk more freely about my OCs without making a "post," so i decided to make a tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/suzyqueue4u

there isn't much there yet but maybe there will be soon. And i will definitely post some updates here. I need to figure out the best place to officially upload this story. It might not be fA.

Anyway, things are happening and i wanted to specifically shout out fitzjolt for being so cool and listening to me yammer on about my ideas! Thank you!!!

I will leave yall with a couple little tidbits about this:

1. This is another soft-reboot for Lily, and the other stories are not neccesarily giong to be "canon" for it. Lily is going to be a LITTLE different.... in this story, she cannot talk UNLESS someone pulls her string.

2. perpetual dragon TF. That is to say: this character is *always* in the process of turning into a dragon.

3. the title is still being worked on but here are some words you can put in your mind: "House of Terrible Fates."

Billie Eilish: "Writes sad song reflecting on purpose and (a lack of) self-worth especially of feminine bodies in this capitalist, misogynist society we live in"

My dollbrained ass: "She is singing directly to and about me."

Had a cute moment in the kitchen with K a couple days ago that I was thinking about. She gave me a little tickle, then I told her to stop but i felt like having some doll time so i told her i was her doll and so she could do what she liked with me. So she did one of her favorite bits which was to just grab my arms and manipulate them for me. But she decided this time to play a little joke on me, taking me around the kitchen and "playing" with me in ways that fixed pet peeves she has about me, like so:

"la la la, i"m lily, here i go shutting the cabinets when I'm done using them, and now i'm filling the soap dispenser when it's empty!'

And it made me laugh a lot, but i've been thinking about how cute/huffy it was since, like the idea of "training" faults/flaws out of your dolly post-TF. Sort of reminded me of soft identity/personality death, but for stuff like pet peeves and other little annoying things. The idea that you could train your new dolly to do the things you LIKE and stop doing thet hings that annoy you and they would start to act that way, because well if that is who my owner wants me to be then i must be that way.

Anyway, it was just a really cute thing that got me thinking about doll stuff. I love K very much <3.

Hey Yall,

Been doing a lot of thinking and being depressed lately.

I don't really have a plan or know what i'm doing so here goes. This is kind of like a coming out of sorts.

Womanhood is a complicated part of my life. In many ways I love being a woman. I love, have loved, and have BEEN loved by many women. My womanhood is one that I have claimed for myself personally and fought for and therefore i hold it very dear to me. But I don't always feel like a woman and i almost never feel like a man and more often than not i feel like I want off this ridiculous ride of "male" and "female" entirely because it feels like a bunch of crazy-pants nonsense invented by morons.

Personhood is a complicated part of my life. I do not love being a person, always or often. The drudgery of life and these bodies we pilot are a source of pain, but also the vehicle through which i experience all the joy and beauty of this world INCLUDING physical/sexual pleasure. It also means living with a body that will never fully comfort to the idea i have in my head of myself, which most days is a chaotic jumble and very rarely coalesces into something physical and tangible.

So you can see why these might lead to some confusing feelings for me.

I think it's obvious to anyone who reads my Lily stories that I'm really focused on the nullification aspect of her doll state. This is because i think null is hot yes but also i think in part because it allows Lily to occupy this sort of liminal space of womanhood, of being seen as a woman and read as feminine but without the bodily responsibility that comes with it. Dolls do not have a "gender" except the one that we the creators of the dolls assign to them. Bodies are the same, of course, but I like that there is an inherent sexlessness to toys like dolls and other objects that appeals to me a lot more than living with the pain of being a 'real girl.'

Anyway all this being said I'm really NOT a labeller but i guess if i was forced to label myself something it would be: agender.

And I go by She/It pronouns but as of the time of this typing i think i prefer it/its the most.

EDIT: CLARIFICATION:

Suzy/Lily (the real life human person): It/she, it's complicated, think of me as a doll.
Suzy (the cow): She/her
Lily (the doll): she/it, but only it cuz owner is mean sometimes ;)

was hanging out with K and i went limp and dollmoded on her bed and she (amazing GF, terrible doll owner) turns around and smacks me on the belly, which OF COURSE gets me to react.

K: "are you playing dead?"

me: NOooooo! *looks knowingly* i'm not playing *dead*

K: "Well then get back to work!" *laughs and goes back to her online game.

I love her comma she is the WORST at indulging her dplly lmfao

I've been way too burned out with real life stuff to write anything lately. BUT! i had a couple ideas in miund i wanted to do for Lily and a new part of her story i'm wanting to explore.

I'm still worldbuilding in my head but: I'm starting to come up with this setting that is a sort of tourist-trap "empoureum of curses" where a bunch of cursed people go not to cure their curses but just live with them and in exchange for room and board they're kind of a circus act for curious tourists. The idea is that at some point Lily escapes the dungeon and ends up here and gets to unpack some trauma. It's not gonna be all dollification i want to do a ton of different "bad end" TFs! BUT i DID want to specifically have an "inanimates" section that Lily belonged to and the other major character i've come up with is also a cursed doll.

Lily would be more doll-like after escaping the dungeon, with less articulate hands and mouth, and be unable to speak unless someone pulls her string.

Primary other character, still unnamed maybe Marguerite? is a wind-up doll that can only move if someone winds her up. So you see just like george lucas said it's like poetry it rhymes.

Don't worry shes still gonna hold a candle for her hot trans wolf gf. and who says Marguerite isnt trans? besides theyve both got doll parts anyway aint nothing unchristian they could be doing.

Another character i had in mind was cursed with "fragile masculinity" basically their former (masculine) body is this very fragile glass shell around this far more feminine body underneath and every time he bumps into something or stumbles a piece of his body breaks off to reveal the more feminine one underneath. ALso maybe they're both sort of crystal and the outer masculine layer is see-through. And he's cursed with clumsiness so he's constantly putting his masculine parts back on.

Definitely a sex doll.

Maybe the protag from The Wizards Toy will show up?

Have a certain type of dollTF that i'm really excited about! So naturally i realized i needed to make it a Lily story. As usual, it'll be done when it's done!