Sorry for my absence from this account. As I said in a journal, a while back, I decided to change my fursona and reinvent myself for a new, better me. As Xabin, that has been a rough road for me to travel, and I'm still struggling over what to do with myself. Among other things, I'd like to address these:

1. To Modem Redpill: I still have the pictures you did for me, as does Jag, as far as I know, but we're still iffy on reposting them, giving the issue you had that lead to them being taken down, in the first place. For now, they're going to remain private, except the ones that are on e621 or whatever, since I can't really do much about those. I wish you well in whatever you do, and sorry for what happened.

2. To DariusKoopa: Recent events that I won't get into (and am seeing a therapist about) has caused me to question whether or not I can trust myself around you, anymore. It's why I haven't contacted you in so long, since we last saw each other. I'm doing a bit better (the CBD gummies I've been getting and portioning off to make them last have helped), but I'm still not 100% convinced I can face you again. Nothing against you, it's all me, and it's something I need to deal with, so please understand, and please don't pester me about what it is that's going on; I fear backlash from you over it, and from others, most of all.

3. To PalanteanWriter: Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while. I've pretty much given up on Binding Secrets, and considering the direction I've taken my herm Rotor and Cobar characters, it's probably for the best; I don't want what I have them doing in my commissions and personal works tainting such a wonderful world you made with your Velvet D'Coolette stories. I hope you understand.

4. To those who like my writings and drawn artwork: I'm sorry that I haven't gotten back into it, I've more or less given up on anything but basic SFM renders with models I get from other people (mostly the KabalMystic models, since quite a few of them I commissioned from him and others). I'm still wondering if I should make renders to go with my two complete Circuits, Crossed stories. Thanks to KabalMystic, I have all but a complete set of models for the characters in them, but only the complete ones (Command Line will likely forever be an incomplete story, sorry).

5. To Brauner02: I wish we could talk more, and I've been trying to, but you've been rather distant with me, whenever I do try to strike up a conversation with you. Is it something I did wrong? Are we growing apart, or something? Let me know if you think there's something I can do to get things back on track with our communications. Thanks.

That's all I want to say, for now. Anyone who wants to respond to this journal, please sent me a note through my Xabin account on here. Thanks.

https://www.gofundme.com/gbvfpcgs

Gofundme for Xabin. Please donate.

I managed to get the premium paid for HIP, so I'm officially on medical insurance again. HIP Plus, in fact, so I get normal medical, dental, and vision, all for $12 a year. Hopefully that'll last for a while, and I won't get bumped off like I keep on doing with Medicaid.

Also going to give my psychiatrist one more chance, and if he doesn't shape up, I'm going to see someone else. If THAT person doesn't pan out, I'm going to try to look outside of Bowen Center for therapy/psychiatry.

Finally, and I know you guys are going to hate me for this, but... I've decided to close the book on SynjoDeonecros the Winged Sabercat. Not sure if he'll return in the future, but for the foreseeable future, I need to distance myself from the drama and negativity he's accumulated over the years, start fresh with a new account and a new fursona, and see where that goes. To make sure I get a truly clean slate, I will NOT inform anyone of my new fursona or my new accounts, and will NOT reference my old fursona or accounts, in the new one. If you want to find me, just keep looking and you'll find me. I'll also not be posting any of my old stuff on there, I'll be solely posting new stuff. So, thanks for the support, thanks for the ride, and hope to see you guys on the other side.

Recent events have caused me to question what I'm doing with my life, whether I really am a good person or not, and whether my problems are my own fault or if I'm just a victim of circumstance. I've not been able to communicate well on Pojo, because I keep on pissing off elitists and getting into flame wars with them, I get called a stalker by people for posting up a headshot of someone I'm trying to reconnect with, I keep failing to find a taker for my walrus toy designs (and when I try to warn people against DamnAverage's fickle temper, I get assaulted), and now I get my tumblr torn down for posting my shota commissions on there. Some of these I admit are short-sightedness on my part, but the line between what is my fault and what is theirs is blurring, and it's hard for me to see where one ends and the other begins.

I've been growing tired of living; I don't have any RL friends, very little online friends, I feel like I can't make good work without it being ignored or criticized, and I've been in an endless spiral of depression over constant denials for SSI and being put on and kicked off of medical insurance because of the aforementioned lack of SSI. I feel like my therapists and psychiatrists don't care about me, and if it wasn't for the fact that it would be too difficult to do, and we're shackled here by my boyfriend's desire to help his ailing parents, I'd be moving out of this state in an instant, I hate it so much.

I honestly feel like I need a break from it all, something to recenter myself, something to allow me a fresh start. I'm seriously contemplating dropping my current fursona for the time being and starting anew with a new one, but I'm not sure how well that'll work out; I'm afraid that people who know me won't adjust very well, and that the drama from my old fursona will follow me, if/when people realize my new fursona is me. I've had a few lucky breaks, but they've always been drowned out by the bad shit that keeps filling my life, and I'm getting sick of it.

So sorry if I drop out for a while, or if you see someone new pop up while this account goes dead. I'm not sure how long it'll be, or if I'll ever return to this fursona. All I know is that I'm tired, I'm sick, and I need something good in my life for once. Ironic how I have wings, but can't do anything with them...

As the title says, where do I go from here? I don’t have a lot of people after my art, I have too much of a bad rep to do any toy designs, anymore, I’ve run out of steam with my stories… what should I do with my life, now that my last dream is dead?

Anyone know if the Primal language dictionary is still available for sale? I love obscure and constructed languages and fonts, and this one strikes me as particularly interesting, but I don't want to try to buy the dictionary only to find it's no longer in print.

Is Rotor a Grower or a Shower? You'd think he'd be the latter, given that he's a walrus and people like drawing him with a big dong, but this pic shows otherwise:

http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb.....loverpage1.jpg

If he likes his weapons compact until they're in use, then what does that say about his dong?

Twice, today, on both SF and Tumblr, I got accused by random people of stalking, simply because I want to try and find Mamori and get back in touch with him. The guy's my friend, we've lost contact years ago, and I'm trying to reconnect with him. Is that stalking? Why in the fuck are these idiots thinking I'm stalking him?Just because I have a photo of him that I'm using as an identifier? Fuck that shit; if I was a stalker, I'd be more persistent with this shit and more creepy than they think I am with this shit. Goddamn, I hate people, right now...

EDIT: Why are people thinking I'm stalking him? Because I'm looking for him? Is there ANYTHING that indicates that he DOESN'T want me to find him? Why are people leaping to this stupid fucking accusation? It's mind-boggling, and I'm getting fucking sick of it.

Look here's the real shit going on: I was his online friend for a number of years, and when I needed a home he allowed me to stay with him and his friends in the Denver area. I ended up leaving because i couldn't find a job in time to contribute, but we stayed in contact for a while after until after I moved up to Indiana. We kinda stopped talking, after then, but there's no indication that we parted on bad terms. He contacted me once a number of months ago, and it seemed like he was just checking up on me, but I didn't save his IM screenname, and forgot it since then. He gave me the pic I posted, so I could recognize him when I moved in with him, and it's JUST A HEADSHOT, nothing incriminating or lewd or anything like that about it. I know his usernames because I was his friend online, and talked with him throughout those usernames. I know generally where he lives, because I lived with him for a time, and he mentioned the last time he contacted me that he moved more into the Denver area proper. This is not stalking, there is NO indication that he DOESN'T want me to contact him, and I have no fucking clue what you guys' damage is to think that there is. If you guys keep harassing me about this shit, I'm going to report you. Good day.

Looking for a fur that I've lost contact with years ago. Name's Andy Crooker, goes by the name Mamori, Mamori Fox, Mamori Liska, and Wind Liska, though I don't know if he uses any of those monikers, anymore. If anyone can direct me to him, please let me know. I really miss him and want to talk to him. Thanks.

https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/auxiliaryContent?page=910316&type=25&ext=.jpg
This is what he looks like IRL, btw. His last known location was in the Denver, CO area.

Great, and now I'm getting shat on by Yugioh players on Pojo for not liking a janky-ass combo that would never fucking work in the actual game, with them using past minor mistakes I made to discredit me, AND AdultFanfiction.net forced me to delete my Yugioh story, because I supposedly "didn't list everything they wanted to see" on it, and I have no fucking clue what that means. This is the shit that makes me ragequit everything.

Sorry for the downer journal. I just... I've been trying so hard to get my idea for a walrus dong made by anyone out there, and now that dream is dead. I ended up getting banned from BadDragon's labs for selling them the idea while it was being considered by Exotic Erotics, which also caused them to reject my design and delay their own version of a walrus toy indefinitely, which I don't appreciate. I managed to get it made by Average the Porn Fish on FA, but no one else bought it (and the mold for one of them failed so spectacularly, he couldn't make anymore), and now he's giving the practice up. He is giving away the other molds of his to DamnAverage, but thanks to some stupid bad blood between us that she won't drop for some reason, she's refusing my designs, so I can't get that done, either. I tried convincing Frisky Beast to take the designs, but they're going on about copyright issues that keep them from accepting it. That was the last straw for me, so that's why I said what I said.

I know you guys say I should do this kind of stuff for myself and not for anyone else, but you've gotta understand, I've got a long, hard-learned inferiority complex that demands that I be recognized and vindicated for what I do, if it's right, and not just be brushed off or be shat on as being stupid. I need to be validated, so that's why I feel like I should need to do these things for you guys, not for me. It may sound selfish, but I feel like I can't get any pleasure out of it without knowing other people are getting some joy out of it, as well, and are willing to give me my just praise for it. I hope that explains why I'm being so hard on myself with my art; I want to do it, I desperately need to do it, but I need to do it for you guys, or else it has no meaning to me...

... is a FUCKING LIAR. No one gives a shit about my stuff, they just say that because it's pointless fapping material for them, forgettable and ultimately useless. Fuck this, I'm done. no more artistic or creative shit from me.

http://synjo.tumblr.com/post/128806.....rdieu-antoines

This seems like a better gay pairing for rough-and-ready sex than Rotor/Tundra, don't you think?

http://synjo.tumblr.com/image/128733055450

...Do we REALLY want to make rough gay incest porn of these two? They don't seem to have that healthy of a relationship...

Going to do this again. Ask me anything, no question will be rejected, though some questions will be answered discreetly, depending on the content.

https://www.furbuy.com/seller/SynjoDeonecros.html

My toy auctions on FurBuy. Please check them out.

http://www.tssznews.com/wp-content/.....76-5-816e8.jpg

So, it’s now confirmed that Tundra, the Artika Egg Boss, is Rotor’s post-reboot father….

WHERE IS MY ROUGH GAY FIGHTING INCEST PORN, DAMNIT?!

Got a commission from an artist on ygallery named Fairwind, courtesy of FinalGamer. He offered to pay for it for me, so I got something cute for me: me as a kid in lingerie riding a dildo-equipped Rotor plushie. Because of the age of the character in it, I can't post it up on here, so click on the link, if you're interested: https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=923498

While they can't do anything with the actual clay models, for whatever reason, I've contacted Frisky Beast about taking over my walrus designs, and they are going to see what they can do with them. I sent them the 3D models, and they're going to take them to their sculptor and see what he can do. So wish me luck with this, I hope something can be done with them...

I haven't drawn in years, but from what you've seen of my drawings on here, what would you consider my style to be? Realistic, cartoony, a mixture of the two, what? And what would you suggest I focus on, if and when I try to go back to drawing?

I dunno what to do. I've got a basic Wacom tablet that I don't use, because I don't art anymore, and I'm too used to doing digital stuff with a mouse, so I dunno why I keep it, anymore, but on the other hand, I'm loathe to sell it, because I dunno if I'll get the drive to art again, and I won this in a spontaneous raffle on someone's journal, so I feel like it would be disrespectful to sell it or give it away.

What should I do?

Is it weird that, despite being a size king online and wanting to be one IRL (but without the drive to practice), I've gotten addicted to Frisky Beast's mini toys? Maybe, if I have the money for them, as well, I'll see about a few minis from Bad Dragon and compare. What do you guys think?

...and Rocketship Rodents, and already I'm like "Okay, I'm out, this is too ridiculous for me". Why?

At the start of the newest Professor Chronofur issue, the universe gets destroyed and reset, and the titular Time Fur shrugs it off as no big deal.

Sorry for spoilers, but seriously, this is a gay furry comic patterned off of Doctor Who, and they have to mock THAT?! His constant need and ability to poke his nose into every universe-destroying plot by saying it happens all the time without him, and he shouldn't worry? It's like "Oh, end of the universe. Must be Sunday", and then chides his companions when they rightfully freak out by saying "It's the end of the universe and you're acting like it's the end of the universe. Get over yourself, man!" Um, no, I'm sorry, but I'd be pissed off and shocked, too, if I found out my entire reality just ENDED, no one was there to stop it, and I came back hunky-dory.

And how does he know that everything will be reset back to how it was before? What if they didn't? What if he met an alternate timeline version of his evil self, or wasted a regeneration to create a duplicate of himself? Or what if his rival Time Fur wound up becoming Eric Idle, or worse, a woman?

Professor Chronofur: "Well, that wouldn't do at all! I mean, I could handle the rest, but that last bit? Inconceivable! Think of the ratings drop!"

I just realized I spent over $20 on cards that I could've spent on more important things... like gay porn or something, I dunno...

1. Species with interstellar travel going extinct because one planet of theirs (usually the home planet) is destroyed. There's a reason why bombing Madagascar would cause all of the species on there to go extinct in the wild: THEY HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

2. Individuals who can't be harmed by each other's powers because they're related in some way, either by blood or as a species. This goes for both X-Men and Doom. I'm sorry, but just because you share the same genes with me, doesn't mean that throwing a fireball at me won't still fucking singe me. That's not how powers work, and that's certainly not how mutation works. Even more ridiculous when you consider melee attacks between the individuals still work, no problem.

3. Macguffins that pop up for one episode or so, and then are completely forgotten about. I'm looking at you, Mega Man, Star Trek, etc. What the fuck do you do with them? Does an angel come down from on high and tell you to bury it after use, like you're fucking Joseph Smith discovering the gold and brass plates of Mormonism?

4. Slingshotting around a specific heavenly body to time travel. Granted, gravity and speed are factors to the theory of time travel, but Superman cannot turn the world back a day by spinning around it to make its rotation reverse, and the Enterprise cannot go back to the 1980's by rocketing around the fucking sun. You need to do a bit more with speed and gravity than that to do shit. MAYBE if it was a black hole you were doing it around, but even then...

5. Healing doodads that repair broken bones and cure scratches and burns and shit within an instant without considering the laws of conservation of matter and energy and considering where that fucking shit is supposed to come from. Goes double for healing factors in superhero stories; your body doesn't make this shit from nowhere, you have to put in energy and food to get the raw material needed to regrow bone and tissue and blood and shit. See http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6997286/ for a more thorough argument about it with Wolverine.

6. Alien physiology that makes no goddamn sense. What is the point of having a species of animal or an entire ecosystem with an acidic circulatory system? Why put tusks or feathers or boobs on a creature that doesn't need them? The problem here is that people don't think about how they work on an evolutionary level, but what makes them look cool and unique. This especially goes for species that survive in a particular environment evolving into a species that cannot, even though that environment hasn't changed or has increased. Yeah, Splatoon is bullshit; squids would not take over the surface world if the earth was flooded, and they certainly would NOT evolve to the point of being UNABLE TO SURVIVE IN WATER, in that case.

7. The abandoning of certain long-standing trends in the future. Okay, so trends change over time. That's given, and certain trends come back as retro. But why in the fuck is there no more rock, pop, or death metal in Starfleet? Why does everything have to be classical music and old timey jazz and shit? On top of that, why are people like Tom Paris and Captain Pulsar so fascinated with cheesy 60's sci-fi trope shows when they TRAVEL THE GALAXY IN A SPACESHIP THAT CAN FLY FASTER THAN LIGHT?! Is it the novelty? The kitsch of thinking that at some point, people actually thought space travel and science would be like this? Then again, why is it so goddamn hard for Soundwave to choose a modern equivalent of his tape deck form?

8. Radiation gives you superpowers. No, that is bullshit, and I don't care what kind of scientific genetic hoo-hah you perform on the subject, they are not getting superpowers. Cancer, maybe, but not superpowers. And by extension, why is it that the scientists that usually give these guys radiation-powers come out with some sort of deformity or shit, but the superhero comes out fine? Seriously, I don't care if it's a tribute to your dad, Ken Penders, turning Knuckles into the Echidna's glow in the dark savior in the same process that caused his father to die of cancer DOES NOT COMPUTE!

9. Time travel as a whole. Why can't anyone come up with a solid set of rules for how this shit is supposed to run down? Can you alter the past or can't you? Can you touch your older/younger self, or can't you? What happens to fucking paradoxes that are formed? When is the Doctor going to become the goddamn Valeyard, already?

10. Riker's magic poker hand. This goes for that bullshit "heart of the cards" thing in Yugioh, as well. If you can get that lucky in cards every single time and pull a miracle out of your ass that cleanly that many times, YOU ARE FUCKING CHEATING!