I think im done travelling out of the city for events for a little while. Conflict seems to follow me everywhere so Im feeling that i just be invisible for a little while more. I do miss my buddies, i just cant handle travel in a truck that isnt really all that safe to be taking road trips in just yet.

Blegh.

level 19

+10 char
+5 HP
+1000 Gold
+10 Stam


birthdays, yo.

I am looking for a room at rainfurrest! Please let me know if you have anything!

This could be my first Out-of-Canada Con. and my first time even leaving this country.

I have til september to save for this, and i am most likely driving. Im so excited if I can have this work ; A ;

there are a lot of people down in the states that Id like to meet personally and actually get my suits out to actual cons. not that fur-eh doesnt count, it just isnt a "real" con.

I need more info though, minimum saved to go, who to room with, all that jazz. I already know its an 11 hour drive, which is cool because Ive done 20+ hour road trips without fail. This will be my last bit of freedom before College starts!

HHHNNNNHH I WANT TO GO.

So chances are that I am getting a second suit.... already.

i mean like, I must be some sort of ultimate furfag, I have 1 suit and one in progress and I havent even been to a *real* con.

BROKE FOREVER YEAHHHHHHHHH

 thera came up with a good one. I was thinking Helix! Yes/No?

TELL ME

except Im going to keep on just not giving a single fuck because the less I care the better I feel!

sounds like Im back to normal :V

Done.

that means I turn 19 in 2 months.

and holy crap im going to vancoufur. so excited ;w;

I will more than likely have my fursuit in my possesion by this saturday!

I will be wearing it to a christmas party, so I hope to have plenty of awesome photos!

Beware though, this is my first suit. EVER. I will definitely need time to learn to "perform" (and thank goodness I have a bunch of great friends that will be helping me with this, Im still super nervous of being boring >_>)

So yeah, expect sergals! everywhere!





oh p.s. this is also to bump that angsty journal off my front page.

Im only venting here because I know the ammount of people that will read this is probably 0. I need to get this negativity out of my head so I can function like a normal person again.

anyway.

Its almost as if Im just the fucking dirt off your shoulder. Everyone has gone bitter and sour. I fucking hate the fact that the second I come into someones life and try to be a positive impact that they turn all shitty, run away, and just shut(and the other positive impacts) out. I really am starting to think that my effort as a friend isnt even worth the fucking gum under the chairs. Im sick of seeing people let themselves be controlled by fucking senseless idiots that are only there to cause drama and general displeasement. I tell people I am there for their support and Its just one ear and out the fucking other. The ignorance shown towards people that are obviously the good seeds is just appalling. Open your god damn eyes and see the green grass rather than rolling around in the fucking shit that you let yourself get trapped in. I dont get how people complain that they have shitty friends, and shitty drama caused by the shitty friends, then go to make more shitty friends and complain even more about it! Is almost like its a drug, once you start its a fuck of a habit to kick. Its almost as if they lie to themselves every god damn time that maybe this time it wont be as shitty! HELL NO. People complain and complain and complain about it to the point where they are absolutely afraid of new people and lose their sense of being able to pick the weeds from the flower patch. The root of becoming a bitter asshat. and once they notice theyve become some fucking hermit of the woods, its too late because everyone has grown tired of their shit and its over. too many friends I have seen this happen to, and too many friends I have it currently happening to and I cant do a shit about it because they wont listen to a voice of positive reason. Im sick of being the bystander as it all just unfolds into a mountain of rancid fuck. It feels awful, to watch someone you respected and enjoyed having in your life just fall apart. I cant even start a relationship in both contexts of dating and friendships because the second I do, I can feel the eggshells under my feet start to crack.

Even writing this, I can feel how bitter Im letting myself turn because even I at this point, am feeling absolutely abandoned by friends I thought I had. Hypocritical. Funny how the brain works, that you vent your shit, and the realize you are the exact same, a copy of what you hate. I dont even know what to think at this point anymore. It wont stop me from trying to be there, but I cannot let myself stoop to a level so low to start purging people from my life, unless they give me a damn good reason to. I want to be the helping step, I just find that people are just so turned off by others that they cant help themselves any longer.

Hey, when It rains, It fucking pours man. That is all.

EMPLOYMENT GET

this should be interesting. Paid weekly, with cash overtime bonus. do want.

then I can pay off the rest of my suit and SERGAL THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYTHING.

yes.

GOT ACCEPTED TO COLLEGE AHHHHHH!

oh my goodness ; A ;

I am absolutely sick of seeing all this MLP R34.

I am absolutely tired of seeing MLP in general.

among other things I hate logging into seeing, this is just..ugh no.

correct me if Im wrong but this site needs some sort of tag blocker or something.

have about 6 biting surface cavities, 2 fractures, and dental surgery to fix my top row.

I fucking hate hockey fml.

biting surface damage is from grinding, aparently.


[The sound of money flying away intensifies]

WHERE ARE ALL THESE WATCHERS COMING FROM

WHY?

oh my goodness xD

My suit is almost done ;A;

just need to finalize payments and this FA page is going to get a lot more action~

[sergaling intensifies]

Drama. It is absolutely everywhere. I cant stand it.

I dont know why people are so mentally blind to the fact that drama, even if it is deemed to be containable to one point of target, that others wont be effected. In compairison, the effect of DDT. Killed the intended target, yet killed the unintended others, whom are not targets.

It leeches. It suckers people in, it blinds them. Stories become warped as it passes from person to person. A few years back, a story got so out of control that it ended up burying a young man 6 feet in the dirt because of an unsuppressable drama hellfire, and it burnt many black, to the point where you need to feel hurt in order to learn that it's an awful awful thing. It involves everyone that is aware of it, it involves everyone who knows the conflicted parties. It causes sides to be taken, bonds broken, friendships turned to absolute crap.

I am just in awe at what stupid little lies and conflict are capeable of, and how common I see it happen, it makes me slightly ill.

Just some sergal rants about some life observations and stuff lived through. Had to get it off of my chest and maybe educate some on how to not act selfish in situations. then again, this is the furry fandom, this place reeks of fucking drama.

sergal out.

I may not have a job, but Im feeling so much god damn better. ugh, glad I did this.

So i backed my fathers car into a pothole and ripped a hole in the sidewall of his brand new tire, people are mad at me, and I cant do dick all about it!

BLAAAAHHH I need a day or something to just.. recollect myself.

That being said Im going out of town to the mountains to ride bikes, maybe that will fix me. here's hoping. Will be away for a few days.

keep me around for a month and make me do every job nobody else would even touch, then let me go.

hey, when it rains, it pours. now onto finning cat and see if they'll take me in.

This is more of a personal journal, but I am absolutely sick of playing guessing games. I am tired of not knowing what people actually think of me. people hide stuff and im sure they have their reasons but god damn, help me be a better person and tell me straight up what you legit think of me as a person.

i am sick of guessing about my acceptance among people. ugh.

Some people may take me as some sort of idiot.

those people are usually wrong. When i tell people things, informative or not, all they seem to do is just simply brush it off or tell me to shut up. They go on doing their own thing, and I usually hate to say I told you so, but fuck.... every time.... people are generally idiots. And they seem to wonder why they get their asses burnt black the hard way. ha.

too bad most of them are irreversibly retarded. oh well. Wont waste my time beating on a dead horse.

And is it ever full of bullshit and drama, and stress. One thing I notice is that all the shit they tell you in highscool is moot in comparison to what is actually going on.

the stress of a full time job is almost mental. getting used to this is going to take a while....






aughguhguhghuhg halp.

Well, once I get my class 3, im off to fort mac and lac la biche to drop off service trucks and bring back the ones that need to be serviced.

I will also be sent out to the oilsands to get some training done while I wait for my apprenticeship. I get to avoid being killed by the roughneck riggers lol...

best job ever