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I'm alive, but going on different adventures.
Posted 4 years agoJust letting you guys know I'm still alive. I got Covid-19 back in May, and have since recovered. I haven't been wanting to draw much, so I'm mostly focused on writing my fanfiction. I keep forgetting to post my work on DA so you can find me most active over here https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5045310/ I only have one active story at the moment, however, I got a few more in the works. I'll be back to drawing at some point, but for now, FanFiction is my current obsession.
Rawr!
Posted 4 years agoI honestly just wanted to get rid of a giant wall of text on my front page. I'm getting back into art, but the process is slow. Currently, I'm working on a big project of updating Tae's reference sheet since it's been in dire need of an update. I wasn't happy with her kemono ref, and her kemonomimi ref hasn't been updated since 2016. I'm also brainstorming ideas for other character references for the time being. At some point this year I want to get back into illustrations, but I think it is more important to make references for all my and my husband's characters.
On a different note, since I got my CPAP machine and have recovered fully from my concussion/post-concussion syndrome I've found it easier to think and brainstorm so I'm more interested in getting back into writing. I have two original story ideas and a bunch of fanfiction ideas. (Primarily obsessed with Naruto, NaruHina paring) Would anyone be interested in reading those even if they aren't furry-centric?
On a different note, since I got my CPAP machine and have recovered fully from my concussion/post-concussion syndrome I've found it easier to think and brainstorm so I'm more interested in getting back into writing. I have two original story ideas and a bunch of fanfiction ideas. (Primarily obsessed with Naruto, NaruHina paring) Would anyone be interested in reading those even if they aren't furry-centric?
Health Update - Closing Chapter, YAY!
Posted 5 years agoOkay, so it's been a while since I've posted an update on my situation. I finally "finished" physical therapy, meaning that I'm done going to the clinic and am responsible for doing my exercises at home from now on. Yay! I also had my follow up with Pain Management. Oh Yeah, I never did tell you guys how that went...
Well, back in the first week of September the Pain Management Doctor decided to give me an ESI (Epidural Steroid Injection) to help with my nerve pain and weakness in my legs. Unfortunately, there was a complication during the procedure (Me, being as flexible as a cat) so the Doc was having issues getting the needle in the correct position, and kept stabbing me in the vertebrae with the needle instead of injecting it into the nerve root. Needless to say, it hurt, a lot. I literally almost threw up, I don't know how to describe it to the men in the audience, but based on my description to my Mom it felt damn near close to what labor pains are supposed to feel like. It was overall a less than enjoyable experience. However, it ended up being a success, it the weeks following the procedure I no longer felt any pain down my legs, and only felt weakness when I overdid it during my recovery.
That's as about as good as it gets though. Today during my follow up the Pain Management Doctor was discussing with me what my future holds for me. The remnants of the pain I feel is permanent, and I can only keep it at tolerable levels by continuing my physical therapy at home, a minimum of 3 days a week, taking my medication, continuing to lose weight, etc. Pretty much I have to have an almost complete lifestyle change, no more WoW Harcore Raids for me! (I'm literally supposed to get up and take breaks every 30min, which is annoying when I'm "in the Zone" while drawing and whatnot.) The loss of sensation in my right leg is permanent. (It's not completely numb like before, but feels like I'm wearing an extra thick sock on one leg, which can get distracting at times, that's not an entirely accurate description, but I don't know how else to describe it.) I also have permanent arthritis in the injury site, which I can only look forward to getting worse over time. (I can slow it down by losing weight and getting active, yay....)
For treatment at home I have to continue physical therapy, take nerve pain medication, and anti-inflammatories, etc. This is my new normal, and I hate it. I can't even be too active either, because when I get too busy with chores and errands it makes the pain worse, so I have to pace myself and find a decent balance. Lots of learning, blah. The doctor did say if the pain gets worse again I can have nerve blocks as needed, which he said are less complicated than the ESI.
All in all, I do feel resolved, and content with my situation, but I still find it bothersome and irritating all the same. I'm just hoping for a fair settlement so I can buy things to make my life a little bit more comfortable and enjoyable while I'm still in this adjustment period. On the flip side, I'm also worried I might need to get a lawyer if they give me a low ball offer. =...= I hate adulting.
On a lighter note. I think I found out why I've had a sharp decline in art over the past couple of years, and why I'm so fatigued and whatnot. I was also diagnosed with Mild Sleep Apnea today (Technically Hypopnea), and am going to get a CPAP machine soon. Hopefully, I'll start feeling well before winter, and can finally get back to being a more active artist! (My husband laughs because we thinks my boobs have been literally trying to kill me since I have a thin neck, and my O2 levels only sharply drop when I'm on my back, lol)
Thank you to everyone who still supported me through all this crap. It means a lot to me that there is a group of dorks still waiting for me to return!
Well, back in the first week of September the Pain Management Doctor decided to give me an ESI (Epidural Steroid Injection) to help with my nerve pain and weakness in my legs. Unfortunately, there was a complication during the procedure (Me, being as flexible as a cat) so the Doc was having issues getting the needle in the correct position, and kept stabbing me in the vertebrae with the needle instead of injecting it into the nerve root. Needless to say, it hurt, a lot. I literally almost threw up, I don't know how to describe it to the men in the audience, but based on my description to my Mom it felt damn near close to what labor pains are supposed to feel like. It was overall a less than enjoyable experience. However, it ended up being a success, it the weeks following the procedure I no longer felt any pain down my legs, and only felt weakness when I overdid it during my recovery.
That's as about as good as it gets though. Today during my follow up the Pain Management Doctor was discussing with me what my future holds for me. The remnants of the pain I feel is permanent, and I can only keep it at tolerable levels by continuing my physical therapy at home, a minimum of 3 days a week, taking my medication, continuing to lose weight, etc. Pretty much I have to have an almost complete lifestyle change, no more WoW Harcore Raids for me! (I'm literally supposed to get up and take breaks every 30min, which is annoying when I'm "in the Zone" while drawing and whatnot.) The loss of sensation in my right leg is permanent. (It's not completely numb like before, but feels like I'm wearing an extra thick sock on one leg, which can get distracting at times, that's not an entirely accurate description, but I don't know how else to describe it.) I also have permanent arthritis in the injury site, which I can only look forward to getting worse over time. (I can slow it down by losing weight and getting active, yay....)
For treatment at home I have to continue physical therapy, take nerve pain medication, and anti-inflammatories, etc. This is my new normal, and I hate it. I can't even be too active either, because when I get too busy with chores and errands it makes the pain worse, so I have to pace myself and find a decent balance. Lots of learning, blah. The doctor did say if the pain gets worse again I can have nerve blocks as needed, which he said are less complicated than the ESI.
All in all, I do feel resolved, and content with my situation, but I still find it bothersome and irritating all the same. I'm just hoping for a fair settlement so I can buy things to make my life a little bit more comfortable and enjoyable while I'm still in this adjustment period. On the flip side, I'm also worried I might need to get a lawyer if they give me a low ball offer. =...= I hate adulting.
On a lighter note. I think I found out why I've had a sharp decline in art over the past couple of years, and why I'm so fatigued and whatnot. I was also diagnosed with Mild Sleep Apnea today (Technically Hypopnea), and am going to get a CPAP machine soon. Hopefully, I'll start feeling well before winter, and can finally get back to being a more active artist! (My husband laughs because we thinks my boobs have been literally trying to kill me since I have a thin neck, and my O2 levels only sharply drop when I'm on my back, lol)
Thank you to everyone who still supported me through all this crap. It means a lot to me that there is a group of dorks still waiting for me to return!
Print Design Suggestions?
Posted 5 years agoI really love Graphic Design, and since I can't tolerate doing full illustrations at the moment I thought I'd make some to post on RedBubble and whatnot, any suggestions?
Example: Spyro, Pokemon, Okami, etc
Also, are there any other Publishing platforms I should be aware of besides RedBubble?
Example: Spyro, Pokemon, Okami, etc
Also, are there any other Publishing platforms I should be aware of besides RedBubble?
Update: Outlook on Life
Posted 5 years agoHey guys, giving you another life update! With visuals! HERE
Recap: On February 6th I was rear-ended in Austin. I suffered a mild concussion, debilitating back pain, hypersensitivity, numbness, weakness, etc, predominantly in my legs and feet. I had been going to physical therapy up until June 19th.
On June 13th I learned that I suffered a herniated L4-L5 disc that pushes on my L4 nerve root, and a bulging L5-S1 disc. This is the cause for the majority of my issues. So, my doctor discontinued my physical therapy and referred me to a neurosurgeon for possible surgery and sprinkled in some extra anxiety by telling me I was at risk of paralyzing myself.
Fortunately the neurosurgeon said my herniated disc is mild with my condition primarily being caused by irritated nerves and recommended I return to physical therapy and start treatment at pain management. (Most likely Steroid Shots...😰)
Unfortunately he said I'm developing arthritis (Post Trauma), so I worry this is going to be a permanent issue. Only time will tell, but the surgeon seems confident I'll make a good recovery.
The biggest disappointment is he told us to hold off on trying to get pregnant. I'm already 29, and wanted to start a family soon since pregnancies and fetal development tend to have complications after 35.
Hopefully pain management will be effective and I can get back into full illustrations by fall!
Do any of you have experience with Steroid Shots?
Recap: On February 6th I was rear-ended in Austin. I suffered a mild concussion, debilitating back pain, hypersensitivity, numbness, weakness, etc, predominantly in my legs and feet. I had been going to physical therapy up until June 19th.
On June 13th I learned that I suffered a herniated L4-L5 disc that pushes on my L4 nerve root, and a bulging L5-S1 disc. This is the cause for the majority of my issues. So, my doctor discontinued my physical therapy and referred me to a neurosurgeon for possible surgery and sprinkled in some extra anxiety by telling me I was at risk of paralyzing myself.
Fortunately the neurosurgeon said my herniated disc is mild with my condition primarily being caused by irritated nerves and recommended I return to physical therapy and start treatment at pain management. (Most likely Steroid Shots...😰)
Unfortunately he said I'm developing arthritis (Post Trauma), so I worry this is going to be a permanent issue. Only time will tell, but the surgeon seems confident I'll make a good recovery.
The biggest disappointment is he told us to hold off on trying to get pregnant. I'm already 29, and wanted to start a family soon since pregnancies and fetal development tend to have complications after 35.
Hopefully pain management will be effective and I can get back into full illustrations by fall!
Do any of you have experience with Steroid Shots?
Health Update & Birthday~
Posted 5 years agoToday I turn 29! w00t w00t! Hubby took me out to a nice steak dinner, and now I'm chillaxing with a nice buzz.
Sorry for not writing or posting anything lately, or frequently. I've been pretty exhausted the past couple of months, with physical therapy and whatnot. I think I'm finally figuring out what's wrong with me though, you see on the 13th I had a full MRI for my head, neck, and back. They found a lot of messed up things in my lower back:
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Medical Nerd Alert!
(Copied from the MRI Report)
L4-5: Disc desiccation. There is a right foraminal disc herniation with annular tear. There is facet hypertrophy with facet fluid. There is mild subarticular zone and foraminal stenosis. Disc abuts exiting right L4 nerve root.
L5-S1: Disc bulge asymmetric to the left. There is facet hypertrophy. There is mild left subarticular zone stenosis.
IMPRESSION: No compression fracture, spondylolisthesis or destructive lesion. Disc bulge with a right foraminal disc herniation L4-5. Disc bulge asymmetric to the left L5-S1.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
I don't know yet what this will mean for my future since I get to see my results before the doctor calls me. My husband thinks I might need surgery, we'll just have to see. However, I know this is probably a major cause of all my nerve pain, numbness/weakness, and coordination issues. On top of that, I also have destabilized joints (Hypermobility, partial dislocations, etc) that I'm working on strengthening. It'll be a slow process, but hopefully, I can get to a place where I can draw comfortably, consistently, and without pain. :)
In short.....VINDICATION!!!!! I've been pushing to get an MRI since at least March. 0'...'0 I really wish I could get an apology from the doctor for blowing me off. This also hopefully means a juicy settlement from the Car Insurance Company :D
In other news, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get an official diagnosis for asthma at the end of the month. My PCMs have always flip-flopped on if I had it because I always get a negative pulmonary test. However, I have respiratory issues, that aren't directly caused by allergies. The allergist gave me a medicine that if he said work, that meant I had asthma, and gosh dang it worked almost immediately. It felt so wonderful to actually get a deep breath. ;;-;;
So yes, sorry that I haven't been drawing or anything, but I've been mostly focusing on my health and avoiding back spasms. (That drawing causes) My hubby did suggest I start writing again instead. Maybe little one-shots of my OCs, would you be interested in those?
Sorry for not writing or posting anything lately, or frequently. I've been pretty exhausted the past couple of months, with physical therapy and whatnot. I think I'm finally figuring out what's wrong with me though, you see on the 13th I had a full MRI for my head, neck, and back. They found a lot of messed up things in my lower back:
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Medical Nerd Alert!
(Copied from the MRI Report)
L4-5: Disc desiccation. There is a right foraminal disc herniation with annular tear. There is facet hypertrophy with facet fluid. There is mild subarticular zone and foraminal stenosis. Disc abuts exiting right L4 nerve root.
L5-S1: Disc bulge asymmetric to the left. There is facet hypertrophy. There is mild left subarticular zone stenosis.
IMPRESSION: No compression fracture, spondylolisthesis or destructive lesion. Disc bulge with a right foraminal disc herniation L4-5. Disc bulge asymmetric to the left L5-S1.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
I don't know yet what this will mean for my future since I get to see my results before the doctor calls me. My husband thinks I might need surgery, we'll just have to see. However, I know this is probably a major cause of all my nerve pain, numbness/weakness, and coordination issues. On top of that, I also have destabilized joints (Hypermobility, partial dislocations, etc) that I'm working on strengthening. It'll be a slow process, but hopefully, I can get to a place where I can draw comfortably, consistently, and without pain. :)
In short.....VINDICATION!!!!! I've been pushing to get an MRI since at least March. 0'...'0 I really wish I could get an apology from the doctor for blowing me off. This also hopefully means a juicy settlement from the Car Insurance Company :D
In other news, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get an official diagnosis for asthma at the end of the month. My PCMs have always flip-flopped on if I had it because I always get a negative pulmonary test. However, I have respiratory issues, that aren't directly caused by allergies. The allergist gave me a medicine that if he said work, that meant I had asthma, and gosh dang it worked almost immediately. It felt so wonderful to actually get a deep breath. ;;-;;
So yes, sorry that I haven't been drawing or anything, but I've been mostly focusing on my health and avoiding back spasms. (That drawing causes) My hubby did suggest I start writing again instead. Maybe little one-shots of my OCs, would you be interested in those?
Health Update
Posted 5 years agoW00t for Covid-19 messing up my sleep schedule!
Anyway, here's an update on everything. I'm currently in physical therapy (I was able to start a couple weeks earlier than expected, w00t w00t). My concussion is slowly improving, but it still feels like a snails pace. (At least I can do a load of dishes without passing out, but I'm usually exhausted afterwards.) Unfortunately my back is also being a slow recovery (The lumbar pain and stiffness being unchanged even with therapy), and fighting with my doctor for an MRI referral isn't helping. (I unfortunately currently have a God-complex doctor and the hospital is short staffed because of the pandemic, so I'm not sure I can request a PCM change ATM.) I might have to get in contact with patient advocacy, but I need more evidence to present my case first.
On top of that I finally have my results from my ultrasound and endoscopy for GI. It seems I have gastritis and I assume Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver disease. (I got my Ultrasound results before my appointment, and it says I have Fatty Liver Disease, and I don't drink, so that is my educated guess.) Well now I know why I keep having chronic fatigue and a stabbing pain in my abdomen! I don't get to discuss my results with the GI doctor until the end of the month unfortunately.
My Physical Therapist also recommends I get tested for Hyper-mobility Elhers-Donlos Syndrome, because my range of flexibility is awesome. (Even though for my personal range I'm actually pretty stiff) It's pretty much a connective tissue mutation, but I guess after I finish physical therapy I'll be as flexible as a gymnast! w00t w00t! Just at the moment I have super unstable joints, so she doesn't want me to lift any heavy weights, etc. (She's afraid I'll hurt myself, and told me to stop dislocating my shoulders, lol)
But I guess EDS can affect anything dealing with connective tissue, so it could be the cause of my GI issues as well, and I'm at a risk to be more prone to scarring which would be bad for the liver issue.
Oh and I guess I have Chronic Bronchitis, and was born with it, and didn't know until recently, because I was always treating the symptoms, and thought it was normal to struggle breathing during allergy season, exercise, and dying when I'd get a cold.
So Chronic Bronchitis + Liver Disease, I'm pretty much home-bound during the pandemic except for doctor appointments (Doc tried to get me to stop going to physical therapy until after the pandemic is over, and I refused because it is my only time outside the house, and I'm recovering from a car accident, I don't want to heal wrong, and I have a bad relationship with him already.)
Well there you have it, finding out my issues one day at a time, but hopefully I can start getting better now and pump art out like a mad woman once I'm better!
Anyway, here's an update on everything. I'm currently in physical therapy (I was able to start a couple weeks earlier than expected, w00t w00t). My concussion is slowly improving, but it still feels like a snails pace. (At least I can do a load of dishes without passing out, but I'm usually exhausted afterwards.) Unfortunately my back is also being a slow recovery (The lumbar pain and stiffness being unchanged even with therapy), and fighting with my doctor for an MRI referral isn't helping. (I unfortunately currently have a God-complex doctor and the hospital is short staffed because of the pandemic, so I'm not sure I can request a PCM change ATM.) I might have to get in contact with patient advocacy, but I need more evidence to present my case first.
On top of that I finally have my results from my ultrasound and endoscopy for GI. It seems I have gastritis and I assume Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver disease. (I got my Ultrasound results before my appointment, and it says I have Fatty Liver Disease, and I don't drink, so that is my educated guess.) Well now I know why I keep having chronic fatigue and a stabbing pain in my abdomen! I don't get to discuss my results with the GI doctor until the end of the month unfortunately.
My Physical Therapist also recommends I get tested for Hyper-mobility Elhers-Donlos Syndrome, because my range of flexibility is awesome. (Even though for my personal range I'm actually pretty stiff) It's pretty much a connective tissue mutation, but I guess after I finish physical therapy I'll be as flexible as a gymnast! w00t w00t! Just at the moment I have super unstable joints, so she doesn't want me to lift any heavy weights, etc. (She's afraid I'll hurt myself, and told me to stop dislocating my shoulders, lol)
But I guess EDS can affect anything dealing with connective tissue, so it could be the cause of my GI issues as well, and I'm at a risk to be more prone to scarring which would be bad for the liver issue.
Oh and I guess I have Chronic Bronchitis, and was born with it, and didn't know until recently, because I was always treating the symptoms, and thought it was normal to struggle breathing during allergy season, exercise, and dying when I'd get a cold.
So Chronic Bronchitis + Liver Disease, I'm pretty much home-bound during the pandemic except for doctor appointments (Doc tried to get me to stop going to physical therapy until after the pandemic is over, and I refused because it is my only time outside the house, and I'm recovering from a car accident, I don't want to heal wrong, and I have a bad relationship with him already.)
Well there you have it, finding out my issues one day at a time, but hopefully I can start getting better now and pump art out like a mad woman once I'm better!
Car Accident - Concussion
Posted 5 years agoHey it's been a while since I've checked in so I thought I'd give you guys a little life update.
On February 6th I got into a mild car accident with my family while they were visiting. Everyone's fine, no broken bones, or extended hospitalizations, etc. The only problem is I suffered a mild concussion, and my back is screwed up again. The doctor said it can take a while to bounce back and I have to take it easy physically and cognitively to let my brain heal. They also said women tend to take longer to recover from concussions than men. (Lol, my husband said that men heal fast because they have less to fix, pffft.)
So, I'm sorry for the lack of full illustrations and hope you continue to enjoy my phone doodles while I take it easy for the next couple months! :)
On February 6th I got into a mild car accident with my family while they were visiting. Everyone's fine, no broken bones, or extended hospitalizations, etc. The only problem is I suffered a mild concussion, and my back is screwed up again. The doctor said it can take a while to bounce back and I have to take it easy physically and cognitively to let my brain heal. They also said women tend to take longer to recover from concussions than men. (Lol, my husband said that men heal fast because they have less to fix, pffft.)
So, I'm sorry for the lack of full illustrations and hope you continue to enjoy my phone doodles while I take it easy for the next couple months! :)
Checking in
Posted 6 years agoSo, luckily I don't have gall stones, so yay I get to keep my organs! Unfortunately, I won't be able to get into see a GI Specialist until the end of January. Until then I'm trying to adjust my diet and nutrition around the assumption that I either have IBS or an IBD (Like Crohn's or something). Pretty much my doctor decided to give me undue stress because he didn't like my lab results and wanted me to go to the ER for an emergency CT (At the time he thought my Gall Bladder was infected/about to rupture or something.) Luckily I'm in stable condition, the ER doc said it might be IBS or an IBD and that I'd need to go to a GI, so that is where that is.
I also didn't realize how depressed/stressed I was until I had a recent visit from my Waifu and it was like a flip switched while she was here. I feel frustrated because I thought I was doing good with my self-care, but I've been a bit overwhelmed. Because of this, I decided I'd go back and try therapy again, so hopefully talking to a professional I can get out of this funk I've been in.
I'm going to stop making promises I can't keep, and just say that I'm going to try and get better. I'm really hoping I can get out of this funk by the start of the new year. :) I want to get back to drawing and writing, it used to be my life, and now I feel empty. I have so many unfinished projects, but I can't bring myself to work on anything anymore. I don't know why I feel this way when things are finally going good in my life. (besides the tummy issues, but meh) it is frustrating, so I really hope I can get back to normal soon.
I also didn't realize how depressed/stressed I was until I had a recent visit from my Waifu and it was like a flip switched while she was here. I feel frustrated because I thought I was doing good with my self-care, but I've been a bit overwhelmed. Because of this, I decided I'd go back and try therapy again, so hopefully talking to a professional I can get out of this funk I've been in.
I'm going to stop making promises I can't keep, and just say that I'm going to try and get better. I'm really hoping I can get out of this funk by the start of the new year. :) I want to get back to drawing and writing, it used to be my life, and now I feel empty. I have so many unfinished projects, but I can't bring myself to work on anything anymore. I don't know why I feel this way when things are finally going good in my life. (besides the tummy issues, but meh) it is frustrating, so I really hope I can get back to normal soon.
...and the universe decided to kick me again. TwT
Posted 6 years agoSo...I've been working on a few big projects, but have been slowing down a lot again lately...
Here's what's been up:
My Health
I've been struggling to eat over at least the past two years. (I can't really pinpoint when it started to get noticeable.) I'll feel full after a couple of bites, my abdomen will hurt, and sometimes I regurgitate my food (that hasn't even made it to my stomach). Barely eating makes me hurt a lot, and tired all the time, not to mention all the brain fog. I try to at least get my nutrients in liquids since I'm mostly having issues with solids. I've lost about 15lbs since last year and would have lost more if I wasn't addicted to calorie-rich beverages. (I went to a dietitian, he said most of my food choices are good, but wished I'd drink more water, lol. He also was concerned that I might have ulcers because I'm not eating enough.)
At first, I thought it was just my GERD (Acid Reflux) acting up, but even after being back on medicine it was still getting worse and worse. Then my husband was worried that I could have ulcers or another H.Pylori infection. (I had issues with that in High School.) So I went to the doctor and he started asking me questions and pressing on my abdomen. At some point, he pushed a spot that FRICK'N HURT! Like not just when he pressed on it, but off and on for the rest of the week. (Even now if I poke that spot it hurts, yes I'm the type of person who pokes their own bruises. :P )
Anyway, long story short the Doc thinks I have Gallstones and might need surgery. Unfortunately, since I go to a military hospital the radiology department it backlogged so they're taking their sweet time making my appointment that I need to get it confirmed. >:/
On top of this, I've been having foot and leg issues. (Like leg cramps all the time, and plantar fasciitis) Luckily I have a podiatry appointment soo for that. :D
Icing on the cake of Sadness
I took my puppy for her annual checkup and was talking to the doc about her hip dysplasia and her CCL injury. The vet was happy with her improvement. (Like most of her muscle atrophy is gone) However, I was asking her about the hip dysplasia since she's already had a CCL injury, and never went back to 100%. Vet confirmed my fears that she wouldn't be a good candidate for surgery when her hip finally goes out, and the most humane thing would be to put her down at that point. She also let me know that with how far she's progressed in such a short amount of time (She's the worst case of hip dysplasia she's ever seen) I probably only have about 2-3yrs left with my pup. (She's only 7yrs old.)
I'm having a hard time with it. Not only did her health issues appear without warning, so suddenly, but the fact that she isn't even old yet, and I'm around her 24/7 makes it really hard. When I have to put her down it will be really excruciating for me. For now my husband and I are trying to make her life fun and comfortable with lots of snuggles and treats. (They help mask her paid meds, lol)
....So Yeah, I really want to return to being active and posting a lot of art. I just don't know when that will be, so until then I'm grateful for all my watchers who've been sticking by patiently awaiting my return, and I will post projects slowly as inspiration hits like I have been.
Here's what's been up:
My Health
I've been struggling to eat over at least the past two years. (I can't really pinpoint when it started to get noticeable.) I'll feel full after a couple of bites, my abdomen will hurt, and sometimes I regurgitate my food (that hasn't even made it to my stomach). Barely eating makes me hurt a lot, and tired all the time, not to mention all the brain fog. I try to at least get my nutrients in liquids since I'm mostly having issues with solids. I've lost about 15lbs since last year and would have lost more if I wasn't addicted to calorie-rich beverages. (I went to a dietitian, he said most of my food choices are good, but wished I'd drink more water, lol. He also was concerned that I might have ulcers because I'm not eating enough.)
At first, I thought it was just my GERD (Acid Reflux) acting up, but even after being back on medicine it was still getting worse and worse. Then my husband was worried that I could have ulcers or another H.Pylori infection. (I had issues with that in High School.) So I went to the doctor and he started asking me questions and pressing on my abdomen. At some point, he pushed a spot that FRICK'N HURT! Like not just when he pressed on it, but off and on for the rest of the week. (Even now if I poke that spot it hurts, yes I'm the type of person who pokes their own bruises. :P )
Anyway, long story short the Doc thinks I have Gallstones and might need surgery. Unfortunately, since I go to a military hospital the radiology department it backlogged so they're taking their sweet time making my appointment that I need to get it confirmed. >:/
On top of this, I've been having foot and leg issues. (Like leg cramps all the time, and plantar fasciitis) Luckily I have a podiatry appointment soo for that. :D
Icing on the cake of Sadness
I took my puppy for her annual checkup and was talking to the doc about her hip dysplasia and her CCL injury. The vet was happy with her improvement. (Like most of her muscle atrophy is gone) However, I was asking her about the hip dysplasia since she's already had a CCL injury, and never went back to 100%. Vet confirmed my fears that she wouldn't be a good candidate for surgery when her hip finally goes out, and the most humane thing would be to put her down at that point. She also let me know that with how far she's progressed in such a short amount of time (She's the worst case of hip dysplasia she's ever seen) I probably only have about 2-3yrs left with my pup. (She's only 7yrs old.)
I'm having a hard time with it. Not only did her health issues appear without warning, so suddenly, but the fact that she isn't even old yet, and I'm around her 24/7 makes it really hard. When I have to put her down it will be really excruciating for me. For now my husband and I are trying to make her life fun and comfortable with lots of snuggles and treats. (They help mask her paid meds, lol)
....So Yeah, I really want to return to being active and posting a lot of art. I just don't know when that will be, so until then I'm grateful for all my watchers who've been sticking by patiently awaiting my return, and I will post projects slowly as inspiration hits like I have been.
I return with renewed inspiration!
Posted 6 years agoOMG San Japan was a blast! My favorite highlights was meeting/hanging out with Team Four Star, and seeing Do as Infinity live in concert! I learned a lot while there, and became inspired to break out of my OCD art block. Now what do I mean by that? Part of the reason my art has been in steady decline even though I've been getting better at reducing my stress levels is my brain working against me.
I actually still draw a lot, but rarely finish anything because to me my work looks like hot garbage. If my art doesn't meet my unrealistic standards I toss it. To combat this my husband submitted me with a challenge. Like with any anxiety disorder the best way to get better is to face it head on, so my personal challenge is to draw fan art, and lots of it. I'm going to be starting off small with things I really like that are easy to draw, such as Okami, Spyro, and Pokemon. When I gain more confidence I'll work my way back up to more intricate illustrations, and more humanoid-type characters. I hope ya'll can bear with me while I take this time to improve, and help me kick my brain's ass.
I actually still draw a lot, but rarely finish anything because to me my work looks like hot garbage. If my art doesn't meet my unrealistic standards I toss it. To combat this my husband submitted me with a challenge. Like with any anxiety disorder the best way to get better is to face it head on, so my personal challenge is to draw fan art, and lots of it. I'm going to be starting off small with things I really like that are easy to draw, such as Okami, Spyro, and Pokemon. When I gain more confidence I'll work my way back up to more intricate illustrations, and more humanoid-type characters. I hope ya'll can bear with me while I take this time to improve, and help me kick my brain's ass.
!0th Anniversary & San Japan!
Posted 6 years agoHey all, sorry for the lack of anything art related. I've been distracted with a lot of stuff lately. Primarily with preparing for a trip to San Antonio with my husband. August 29th is our 10th anniversary, and being a couple of Otaku nerds (We actually met each other online in an anime forum like 15 yrs ago, lol) we're spending the majority of our anniversary at the San Japan Anime Convention. :)
Right now I'm actually struggling with the schedule, because I keep seeing conflicts for things I want to do! TT^TT I'm very much a planner, and have a bit...okay maybe a LOT of OCD with it, and my hubby just likes to go with the flow~ RAWR! >'w'<
But yes, a small life update! :) I'm hoping going the the Con will help inspire me art wise, and if not at least I can enjoy a small vacation with my wonderful hubby. <3
Right now I'm actually struggling with the schedule, because I keep seeing conflicts for things I want to do! TT^TT I'm very much a planner, and have a bit...okay maybe a LOT of OCD with it, and my hubby just likes to go with the flow~ RAWR! >'w'<
But yes, a small life update! :) I'm hoping going the the Con will help inspire me art wise, and if not at least I can enjoy a small vacation with my wonderful hubby. <3
Art Block - RAWR, send me memes!
Posted 6 years agoThis is so frustrating, and a bit embarrassing. I finally get a new tablet, but when I go to use it I either can't think of anything to draw, feel like my pose/composition looks like hot garbage, or make the image too complex to execute while I build my art muscles back up.
I need ideas, simple, easy, quick sketch-dumps.
Send me your memes!
Send me your art challenges!
I'm bored, and brain-fried....=...=;;
I need inspiration, and hope the art community can provide! <3
I need ideas, simple, easy, quick sketch-dumps.
Send me your memes!
Send me your art challenges!
I'm bored, and brain-fried....=...=;;
I need inspiration, and hope the art community can provide! <3
Is my handwriting legible? -Urgent feedback needed-
Posted 6 years agoI just posted an update reference for Tae's cat form HERE and instead of taking the time to type (Since I'm still getting used to Tablet), I just hand wrote some notes. I was kind of criticized for my handwriting in the past and wanted an honest answer, is it legible? If so I'll handwrite things more, like when doing comic strips, etc.
...Because that'd be the result I'd really appreciate honest feedback.
No need to spare my feelings.
...Because that'd be the result I'd really appreciate honest feedback.
No need to spare my feelings.
Today's my B-day!
Posted 6 years agoHey guys, sorry I haven't posted any art since I got the new tablet. Unfortunately I kept getting distracted with early b-day gifts, mostly from my hubby. ;>...> (He got me a Nintendo switch! >w<)
Today I have reached Lvl 28 in the game of life! <3
So far my Acquired loot is:
A weighted (15lb) blanket (I call it the nap-time blankie, because everytime I use it I relax to the point of passing out.) ((I highly recommend for people with anxiety, it feels like a hug <3 ))
Nintendo Switch with games: Let's Go Eevee, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, and Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Hense being distracted all month)
Professional HD KitchenAid Mixer (5 quart) - It's so pretty, and I literally haven't had a mixer in 5yrs! (Well a Kitchenaid one, there is no comparison!)
23andMe DNA Kit (Thank you Father's Day sale xD )
Needless to say I'm feeling very happy, but also nervous. (The whole doom-seeker anxiety when things are going your way dealio)
Somethings to reflect on since this time last year:
- Lost about 15lbs (Yay!)
- Solved all my (physical) health issues, and know how to manage them now. (Just need to learn to be consistent)
- A lot less poor compared to last year. (And I want to keep it that way. 0'....'0 )
- Became a bit more selfish, but in a good way, still some kinks to work out though.
Goals by this time next year:
- Continue to drop some weight
- Start cooking from scratch again. (Less lazy food)
- Draw more than I have in the past two years. (I've literally drawn so little digital art I don't even have to scroll in my folders)
- Continue to improve to be a better version of myself.
- Survive a full year without any financial hardship.
Today I have reached Lvl 28 in the game of life! <3
So far my Acquired loot is:
A weighted (15lb) blanket (I call it the nap-time blankie, because everytime I use it I relax to the point of passing out.) ((I highly recommend for people with anxiety, it feels like a hug <3 ))
Nintendo Switch with games: Let's Go Eevee, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, and Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Hense being distracted all month)
Professional HD KitchenAid Mixer (5 quart) - It's so pretty, and I literally haven't had a mixer in 5yrs! (Well a Kitchenaid one, there is no comparison!)
23andMe DNA Kit (Thank you Father's Day sale xD )
Needless to say I'm feeling very happy, but also nervous. (The whole doom-seeker anxiety when things are going your way dealio)
Somethings to reflect on since this time last year:
- Lost about 15lbs (Yay!)
- Solved all my (physical) health issues, and know how to manage them now. (Just need to learn to be consistent)
- A lot less poor compared to last year. (And I want to keep it that way. 0'....'0 )
- Became a bit more selfish, but in a good way, still some kinks to work out though.
Goals by this time next year:
- Continue to drop some weight
- Start cooking from scratch again. (Less lazy food)
- Draw more than I have in the past two years. (I've literally drawn so little digital art I don't even have to scroll in my folders)
- Continue to improve to be a better version of myself.
- Survive a full year without any financial hardship.
New Tablet! Turning over a new Leaf? -CHANGES INCOMING-
Posted 6 years agoI finally have my new tablet. I acquired a Wacom Mobile Studio Pro 13", the enhanced i7 version. Originally I was going to get the i5, but husband convinced me to get the i7 because he said I deserved it. We're mostly debt free now! Unfortunately the refinance was partially delayed due to incompetence of third-parties, so the interest hit for my Dog's surgery she had last year, but I'll take -$600 over -$6,000 any day of the week.
Currently I'm working on a bit of an over-enthusiastic contribution to Mermay (that will most likely be finished late since like I said I was a bit over-enthusiastic, and I feel like my artist muscles are really out of shape.) I also had 3 people already interested in commissions from me IRL. I plan on posting up an updated ToS & price sheet with examples by the end of June, but I've already updated my prices on here. (You can see the updated prices in my commissions tab.) I'm still trying to figure out my new average pace for producing art, the average quality I can dish out for consumers, etc.
Turning over a new leaf
I didn't realised how deep of a depression I fell into for the past five or so years, especially after my Cintiq died, and we fell deeper into debt due to unforeseen circumstances. I stopped writing all-together, and drew less and less each passing year. I withdrew socially, and let friendships evaporate because of it. My health began to decline, and my motivation to do literally anything was almost non-existent.
I've been slowly crawling out of that dark abyss, and have noticed a lot of the toxicity that weighed down on me, toxic relationships, toxic environments, toxic behavior, etc. The past year I've been shedding a lot of the toxicity out of my life by confronting old demons, changing my thought process about certain things, and re-evaluating my priorities and self-identity.
TLDR - How this affects you:
- I plan on deleting all my depressing journals, they're annoying, ugly, and serve no purpose now.
- I'm debating on discontinuing my Twitter, or at least modifying. Twitter is a cesspool, and poisons the mind. >:(
- I'm raising my commission prices, they haven't been modified in over 5yrs, and I don't feel the amount I'm paid is worth the effort/quality I'm currently producing. (New prices already up on FA)
- I want to try to be more friendly and sociable to the public, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a pushover, or tolerate disrespect. 0'...'0
- I'm not going to be open for requests, but I plan on making an inspiration suggestion box journal where you can submit me ideas within certain guidelines, and when I want an idea for a doodle/experiment I'll pull from there.
What do you want to see from me? Any opinions you want to express?
I'd really like some input from the people that have stayed by me these past few years. I personally want to thank you all, and I appreciate your patience with me. :3
Currently I'm working on a bit of an over-enthusiastic contribution to Mermay (that will most likely be finished late since like I said I was a bit over-enthusiastic, and I feel like my artist muscles are really out of shape.) I also had 3 people already interested in commissions from me IRL. I plan on posting up an updated ToS & price sheet with examples by the end of June, but I've already updated my prices on here. (You can see the updated prices in my commissions tab.) I'm still trying to figure out my new average pace for producing art, the average quality I can dish out for consumers, etc.
Turning over a new leaf
I didn't realised how deep of a depression I fell into for the past five or so years, especially after my Cintiq died, and we fell deeper into debt due to unforeseen circumstances. I stopped writing all-together, and drew less and less each passing year. I withdrew socially, and let friendships evaporate because of it. My health began to decline, and my motivation to do literally anything was almost non-existent.
I've been slowly crawling out of that dark abyss, and have noticed a lot of the toxicity that weighed down on me, toxic relationships, toxic environments, toxic behavior, etc. The past year I've been shedding a lot of the toxicity out of my life by confronting old demons, changing my thought process about certain things, and re-evaluating my priorities and self-identity.
TLDR - How this affects you:
- I plan on deleting all my depressing journals, they're annoying, ugly, and serve no purpose now.
- I'm debating on discontinuing my Twitter, or at least modifying. Twitter is a cesspool, and poisons the mind. >:(
- I'm raising my commission prices, they haven't been modified in over 5yrs, and I don't feel the amount I'm paid is worth the effort/quality I'm currently producing. (New prices already up on FA)
- I want to try to be more friendly and sociable to the public, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a pushover, or tolerate disrespect. 0'...'0
- I'm not going to be open for requests, but I plan on making an inspiration suggestion box journal where you can submit me ideas within certain guidelines, and when I want an idea for a doodle/experiment I'll pull from there.
What do you want to see from me? Any opinions you want to express?
I'd really like some input from the people that have stayed by me these past few years. I personally want to thank you all, and I appreciate your patience with me. :3
Good news...maybe!
Posted 6 years agoI might be jinxing myself, but I wanted to let you guys know that my husband and I are in the process of trying to fix our finances with a loan (lower interest rate ftw!) If all goes smoothly I should be starting to spam you guys with art starting in May. (Fan Art requests incoming? ='w'= b ) and if I get back into my groove I'll probably open up for steady commissions this summer. I've already been thinking of a lot of art ideas I wanna try out!
For those that don't know my husband and I have been struggling financially for the past 5yrs or so, but it really started to hit us hard at the end of Dec 2016 when He got medically retired from the military and his DoD job didn't start until June (We thought it'd be Jan, then Apr, and then it finally ended up being June.) Needless to say we had to live off of our credit cards for 6 months. (Bad luck meant no nest egg for the situation.) Then when things were finally getting comfortable last year we ended up having to pay for an expensive surgery for our dog, and had to do a lot of car repairs due to accidents. (Seriously, we've replaced our front tires 3x and have only had our car since early 2016 =....= )
I'm really hoping this dark cloud is finally behind us.
For those that don't know my husband and I have been struggling financially for the past 5yrs or so, but it really started to hit us hard at the end of Dec 2016 when He got medically retired from the military and his DoD job didn't start until June (We thought it'd be Jan, then Apr, and then it finally ended up being June.) Needless to say we had to live off of our credit cards for 6 months. (Bad luck meant no nest egg for the situation.) Then when things were finally getting comfortable last year we ended up having to pay for an expensive surgery for our dog, and had to do a lot of car repairs due to accidents. (Seriously, we've replaced our front tires 3x and have only had our car since early 2016 =....= )
I'm really hoping this dark cloud is finally behind us.
Life update
Posted 6 years agoSo....It'll take a little longer to get back into art. (though I've be sort of doodling a little)
Reasons....
-Stress-
Just returned from my Cousin's memorial service (It was in Northern Washington)
My Dad decided to voluntarily leave the assisted living facility he's been in the past year, and has already almost died 3x in less than a month. (Long story short, his quality of life is crap, and we think he's given up on his will to live, and are honoring his wishes, i.e. not forcing him back into the assisted living facility against his will.) Needless to say we've been getting his final wishes in order incase he doesn't survive the year. (Again, long story, I don't want to get into it.)
My Aunt (My Dad's sister) was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer around the same time my Cousin (Mom's side) died, so whiles I was up in WA for the services I was also spending time with her.
My grandpa's (maternal) heart is damaged, has only 1/4 function, and is having issues converting oxygen in his body. Needless to say, My mom says he's also not long for this world. (like optimistically 5-10yrs, but probably less)
.....and this is on top of the normal stresses of your average 27yr old. Finances, crawling out of debt, personal insecurities, etc, etc.
-Equipment Upgrades-
I really want to get a Studio Pro Tablet, because the screen is big, and I can draw without being at my desk (my back injury makes it difficult to be at the PC for hours on end, the most I can usually stand it is about 2hrs)
Intuos is like 12yrs old now, and my graphics card has been giving me fits lately (not loading properly, and I have to reinstall the drivers or reset PC sometimes)
Because of my frustrations I'm also actually looking into getting either a new chair, desk, or both at some point.
-Reality-
Debt is an inspiration killer
Stress is an inspiration killer
Pain is an inspiration killer
There's only so much one person can take, and I've been knocked down continuously for the past decade. Right now, I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to climb back on the horse since it just keeps kicking me down. :/ I'm half considering going back to therapy, because this is becoming too much for me to handle all at once.
So, I'm still around, I might post sketches, etc, but depending how this year goes it just might be a repeat of 2018.
Reasons....
-Stress-
Just returned from my Cousin's memorial service (It was in Northern Washington)
My Dad decided to voluntarily leave the assisted living facility he's been in the past year, and has already almost died 3x in less than a month. (Long story short, his quality of life is crap, and we think he's given up on his will to live, and are honoring his wishes, i.e. not forcing him back into the assisted living facility against his will.) Needless to say we've been getting his final wishes in order incase he doesn't survive the year. (Again, long story, I don't want to get into it.)
My Aunt (My Dad's sister) was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer around the same time my Cousin (Mom's side) died, so whiles I was up in WA for the services I was also spending time with her.
My grandpa's (maternal) heart is damaged, has only 1/4 function, and is having issues converting oxygen in his body. Needless to say, My mom says he's also not long for this world. (like optimistically 5-10yrs, but probably less)
.....and this is on top of the normal stresses of your average 27yr old. Finances, crawling out of debt, personal insecurities, etc, etc.
-Equipment Upgrades-
I really want to get a Studio Pro Tablet, because the screen is big, and I can draw without being at my desk (my back injury makes it difficult to be at the PC for hours on end, the most I can usually stand it is about 2hrs)
Intuos is like 12yrs old now, and my graphics card has been giving me fits lately (not loading properly, and I have to reinstall the drivers or reset PC sometimes)
Because of my frustrations I'm also actually looking into getting either a new chair, desk, or both at some point.
-Reality-
Debt is an inspiration killer
Stress is an inspiration killer
Pain is an inspiration killer
There's only so much one person can take, and I've been knocked down continuously for the past decade. Right now, I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to climb back on the horse since it just keeps kicking me down. :/ I'm half considering going back to therapy, because this is becoming too much for me to handle all at once.
So, I'm still around, I might post sketches, etc, but depending how this year goes it just might be a repeat of 2018.
Instagram, Twitter, and Funerals
Posted 6 years agoHello everyone, I'm still on hiatus for a while, but wanted to let people know I do post stuff on Twitter and Instagram sometimes. (Warning: I use these accounts more like blogs, and tend to express my opinions more openly)
I also wanted to share a fundraiser my family is hosting to cover my cousin's funeral expenses, his surviving children, etc. If anyone feels like they can spare anything, even $5 adds up real quick.
If you choose to donate we'd be most grateful: https://www.facebook.com/donate/800873196921754/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TaeluneStarwind
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taelunestarwind/
I also wanted to share a fundraiser my family is hosting to cover my cousin's funeral expenses, his surviving children, etc. If anyone feels like they can spare anything, even $5 adds up real quick.
If you choose to donate we'd be most grateful: https://www.facebook.com/donate/800873196921754/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TaeluneStarwind
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taelunestarwind/
My cousin just died.
Posted 6 years agoWell this is the final nail in the coffin for a while, art wise I think I'll be done until I get my new tablet in tax-season.
At first I was a bit stone-faced, but now it's starting to sink in and I'm getting more sad and angry. I don't know all the details yet except that he frick'n OD'd, and was a recovering heroin addict. (My Mom said he had been sober for almost 2yrs.) I wasn't close with him as an adult because he had gotten into drugs, so most of my updates on him was information from my mom. For large portion of my life he lived with us as an older brother of sorts, but was more so like my Mom's little brother. (He was born when she was 12, and mostly raised by my grandparents, so my Mom was around him A LOT, and he came to live with us for a while when I was a kid) Needless to say if is affecting my mom and my grandma a lot. My grandma feels like she lost her youngest son, and my mom feels like she lost her younger brother even if his passing was caused by something as ugly and vile as a relapse into drugs. I just wanted to share something my mom wrote as an expression of her grief, since I want to help her, but can't do much at the moment. (Granted she wrote this on facebook while she was waiting for my grandparents to arrive at her house)
Watching someone you love, that has fought so hard to beat addiction, throw everything away and sink back onto a life that will most likely lead to jail or death, is one of the hardest things you will ever do. You want to help them back to a clean and sober life but you realize by doing this, as you have so many times before, will now just be enabling them because it will show them that you will always be there to bail them out. You want to grab and shake them and say "Wtf are you doing" but at some point you realize that it wouldn't make a difference. So you sit back and watch the tragedy unfold, as if you are watching a movie. Feeling helpless to stop it, feeling like you haven't done enough to help, even though you know only the addict can help themselves.
Loving a drug addict or an active alcoholic is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. I have friends and family who have gone through this battle.
Battling a drug and/or an alcohol addiction is a beast for the person addicted and the ones who love them. So l am asking you to stand with me in prayer for every family member and friend who has lost their battle with drugs and alcohol and those who continue to conquer it! Put this on your page for one hour if you know someone who has or had an addiction. Many will be hesitant to copy and paste this. Some of you won't paste this but I think I know the ones who will. And thanks in advance!
At first I was a bit stone-faced, but now it's starting to sink in and I'm getting more sad and angry. I don't know all the details yet except that he frick'n OD'd, and was a recovering heroin addict. (My Mom said he had been sober for almost 2yrs.) I wasn't close with him as an adult because he had gotten into drugs, so most of my updates on him was information from my mom. For large portion of my life he lived with us as an older brother of sorts, but was more so like my Mom's little brother. (He was born when she was 12, and mostly raised by my grandparents, so my Mom was around him A LOT, and he came to live with us for a while when I was a kid) Needless to say if is affecting my mom and my grandma a lot. My grandma feels like she lost her youngest son, and my mom feels like she lost her younger brother even if his passing was caused by something as ugly and vile as a relapse into drugs. I just wanted to share something my mom wrote as an expression of her grief, since I want to help her, but can't do much at the moment. (Granted she wrote this on facebook while she was waiting for my grandparents to arrive at her house)
Watching someone you love, that has fought so hard to beat addiction, throw everything away and sink back onto a life that will most likely lead to jail or death, is one of the hardest things you will ever do. You want to help them back to a clean and sober life but you realize by doing this, as you have so many times before, will now just be enabling them because it will show them that you will always be there to bail them out. You want to grab and shake them and say "Wtf are you doing" but at some point you realize that it wouldn't make a difference. So you sit back and watch the tragedy unfold, as if you are watching a movie. Feeling helpless to stop it, feeling like you haven't done enough to help, even though you know only the addict can help themselves.
Loving a drug addict or an active alcoholic is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. I have friends and family who have gone through this battle.
Battling a drug and/or an alcohol addiction is a beast for the person addicted and the ones who love them. So l am asking you to stand with me in prayer for every family member and friend who has lost their battle with drugs and alcohol and those who continue to conquer it! Put this on your page for one hour if you know someone who has or had an addiction. Many will be hesitant to copy and paste this. Some of you won't paste this but I think I know the ones who will. And thanks in advance!
No inspiration still, but hey I'm still alive!
Posted 7 years agoYo, just checking in, and giving you guys further health updates.
Recap:
Been having progressively worsening breathing issues, and chronic pain.
Was misdiagnosed with Asthma, and the rest of my issues were constantly written off as allergies/complications from being "obese".
Results so far:
*Found out my house was infested with mold (Mostly the only mold I'm allergic to), got that taken care of, but still waiting on results of air quality test to see if we have to move.
*Asthma turned out to be complications from chronic acid reflux issues that have been damaging my trachea and bronchioles, making my airways more sensitive (easily inflamed), and causing bronchial spasms (mimicking asthma). Trying to lose weight with cardio was making it worse because I'd aspirate stomach contents when bouncing around or breathing rapidly.
*Chronic pain, the majority of it was caused from long term exposure to the mold (Like a continuous mild allergic reaction), but my back pain was not. I found out I have loss of height in my L5 disc (very low area of the back), which makes sitting/bending over for long periods painful. (I'm actually not allowed to bend over for long periods anymore.) Since then I've been doing physical therapy a lot throughout the week, making me tired and sore most of the time.
*Allergies, I'm only allergic to one thing, a type of mold called Alternaria. Unfortunately it is one of the most common molds where I live, but even so a recent visit to the Allergist was interesting. He doesn't think most of my symptoms are actually being caused by my allergies but by my sinus-issues, so I was referred to an ENT Specialist.
New info:
I went to the ENT Doc, and he examined me and confirmed what the allergist was talking about. I have a deviated septum, this means part of my sinus cavity is squished making it hard to breath properly, and makes my rhinitis worse. The ENT also suspects I have chronic sinusitis (chronic sinus infections), which I confirmed when reading up the symptoms. Around January (6-8 weeks?) I'm supposed to have a CT scan so the doc can best plan how to improve my quality of life, but so far it looks like he's going to have to either re-break my nose, or surgically cut away part of the cartilage inside, which I guess can take about a year to fully heal. :/ To handle the chronic sinus infections until then (which I have one right now, been feeling bleh all day) I'm supposed to use a saline nasal kit they gave me to flush my sinuses 4x a day! X_x Until I have my CT scan!!! D: I don't like it...the water gets stuck in my nose since my sinuses are so irritated right now. ;.....;
FYI - I know I have a broken nose, It was an accident that happened when I was 16 (Only the cartilage, not the bone, but it is so noticable the doc confirmed it within 15sec of walking through the door. Hence why I never take forward-facing pics ;>'w'> ) I didn't know it could cause so many issues because at the time (2007) my doctor wasn't really concerned :/ I was self-conscious, but that was it, bleh.
ADHD Med Update: I gave up on them, I mean I was able to focus on art ideas with adderall, but besides that I was a zombie, and my heart rate was so high I felt like I was dying, my highest heart rate was like 127bpm, you'd think this is no biggie, but normally my heart rate is in between 60-80. (even though mentally I was calm and focused) I'm back to being mentally/emotionally impulsive, and super bloody forgetful, but my husband has been reassuring (even though my productivity with everything is terrible now, lol) he even said that if we have enough money come tax season, I can get new art equipment! <3 :3
And now to go back to being a lame lurker.
Recap:
Been having progressively worsening breathing issues, and chronic pain.
Was misdiagnosed with Asthma, and the rest of my issues were constantly written off as allergies/complications from being "obese".
Results so far:
*Found out my house was infested with mold (Mostly the only mold I'm allergic to), got that taken care of, but still waiting on results of air quality test to see if we have to move.
*Asthma turned out to be complications from chronic acid reflux issues that have been damaging my trachea and bronchioles, making my airways more sensitive (easily inflamed), and causing bronchial spasms (mimicking asthma). Trying to lose weight with cardio was making it worse because I'd aspirate stomach contents when bouncing around or breathing rapidly.
*Chronic pain, the majority of it was caused from long term exposure to the mold (Like a continuous mild allergic reaction), but my back pain was not. I found out I have loss of height in my L5 disc (very low area of the back), which makes sitting/bending over for long periods painful. (I'm actually not allowed to bend over for long periods anymore.) Since then I've been doing physical therapy a lot throughout the week, making me tired and sore most of the time.
*Allergies, I'm only allergic to one thing, a type of mold called Alternaria. Unfortunately it is one of the most common molds where I live, but even so a recent visit to the Allergist was interesting. He doesn't think most of my symptoms are actually being caused by my allergies but by my sinus-issues, so I was referred to an ENT Specialist.
New info:
I went to the ENT Doc, and he examined me and confirmed what the allergist was talking about. I have a deviated septum, this means part of my sinus cavity is squished making it hard to breath properly, and makes my rhinitis worse. The ENT also suspects I have chronic sinusitis (chronic sinus infections), which I confirmed when reading up the symptoms. Around January (6-8 weeks?) I'm supposed to have a CT scan so the doc can best plan how to improve my quality of life, but so far it looks like he's going to have to either re-break my nose, or surgically cut away part of the cartilage inside, which I guess can take about a year to fully heal. :/ To handle the chronic sinus infections until then (which I have one right now, been feeling bleh all day) I'm supposed to use a saline nasal kit they gave me to flush my sinuses 4x a day! X_x Until I have my CT scan!!! D: I don't like it...the water gets stuck in my nose since my sinuses are so irritated right now. ;.....;
FYI - I know I have a broken nose, It was an accident that happened when I was 16 (Only the cartilage, not the bone, but it is so noticable the doc confirmed it within 15sec of walking through the door. Hence why I never take forward-facing pics ;>'w'> ) I didn't know it could cause so many issues because at the time (2007) my doctor wasn't really concerned :/ I was self-conscious, but that was it, bleh.
ADHD Med Update: I gave up on them, I mean I was able to focus on art ideas with adderall, but besides that I was a zombie, and my heart rate was so high I felt like I was dying, my highest heart rate was like 127bpm, you'd think this is no biggie, but normally my heart rate is in between 60-80. (even though mentally I was calm and focused) I'm back to being mentally/emotionally impulsive, and super bloody forgetful, but my husband has been reassuring (even though my productivity with everything is terrible now, lol) he even said that if we have enough money come tax season, I can get new art equipment! <3 :3
And now to go back to being a lame lurker.
Updates..updates...updates..Mysteries Solved!
Posted 7 years agoSo! Another journal making excuses for lack of art, and whatnot.
Long story short, I've been busy, and too tired to draw.
Physical Therapy
I've been having progressively more trouble sitting for long periods of time. Like when I draw, or play MMORPGs, I had X-rays done, and found out I have lack of height in my L5 disc of my back. (That's the part of the spine where the hips meet), they were actually surprised to see that kind of injury/damage in a young person, so I've been going to physical therapy twice a week, where the therapists (I work with two) found out I've never really exercised in my life.
I was never allowed in PE because of my eye surgeries, so the only physical activity I ever had growing up was riding my bike (which I did much less after an incident where I broke my drawing wrist, and couldn't even doodle for 3 months), swimming (again rare occurrence, only during the summer), walking home from school (In high school it was a 3 mile walk! :D ), chores, and volunteer work. As an adult, again my exercise was mostly just walking, which decreased exponentially after I got shin splints, and my dog was kennel bound while she recovered from her surgery. I tried going to the pool at the gym, but felt subconscious trying to get back in shape around a bunch of soldiers (who were also getting back in shape, but were WAAAY more in shape than me)
Needless to say, even though I hate saying it, I'm a very weak person, in fact it is faster just to tell you the only part of my body that is decent would be my lower legs. Everything else is soft, squishy, and weak. They were extremely concerned and surprised when they found out I had zero core strength at all. So to stop, or at least slow the damage to my back they have been making me relearn my own body, and doing a lost of exercises. I've been doing this twice a week for about an hour (Sometimes more, sometimes less), now they want me to do it every day at home, and still go the PT once a week for tougher exercises (so start next week)
Allergies and Breathing Issues
I am allergic to Alternaria Mold, it is the only thing I'm allergic to. (According to scratch testing, and blood testing) The problem is that Alternaria mold is the most common mold in Texas, and actually mold counts are pretty high right now because of fall. On top of that I had a mold infestation in my house, and the mold that popped up the highest in my system was Alternaria mold. Housing was quick to get us out while they tore out the contaminated areas, and even put in a new AC unit, but I'm still having issues. (Though way more mild), so tomorrow on orders from the Allergy clinic there is going to be an Air Quality test done on my home. If the mold count is at least 20% higher than outside, housing has to put us in a different house, which mean we'll have to move. (I hope the current high mold count outside doesn't mess with tomorrows test, and that they just use the average for the area)
I also have chronic rhinitis and acid reflux (Or GERD? ), what would acid reflux have to do with allergies and breathing issues? Well as I recently found out, the chronic rhinitis irritated my sinuses, so I get a post nasal drip. A constant post nasal drip will irritate my stomach, and make acid reflux worse. Having constant acid reflux for almost 20yrs, I've been inhaling stomach acid and partially digested food into my air ways! :D (Gross, and dangerous...w000~) This has been damaging my trachea and bronchioles, causing upper-respiratory infections, and bronchial spasms WHICH mimic asthma!!! So for 20yrs doctors have been treating my like I had reactive/exercise induced asthma when I was F--ing inhaling my stomach contents. The damage to my airways makes them sensitive to irritants, so I'll mimic asthma symptoms, and an inhaler will make me feel better, but doesn't help the underlying issue. It hurts to inhale air sometimes (like right now), can make it hard to talk, and the irritation makes me cough a lot/choke on mucus. (Which the body produced more of when there's an irritation. =...=) Leading to fatigue, aches, and just feeling miserable.
ADHD
Oh ADHD....such a lovely genetic trait, but such a double-edged sword. When I'm off my meds I can write, draw, and have a bazillion ideas for stories, and illustrations, Unfortunately I also forget to eat, sleep, forget about my domestic responsibilities, etc. In fact all I want to do is draw (And maybe finish one out of 20 sketches), or play video games, or something else intoxingly mentally stimulating. While I'm on my meds I'm more focused, and can get important adult things done (like remember to pay my bills, making sure not to overspend money, etc) Unfortunately my creativity drops. I'll sit staring at a canvas and can't think of any ideas, or worse, have one, and I can't draw it out because the image in my brain disappears. I'm also more irritable, and easier to stress out. (My OCD, and PTSD are harder to control)
Recently the doctor switched my meds though, so hopefully I'll have better results on the new one. (I was originally on Concerta, now I'm trying out Adderall, today is my first day on it.)
On top of this I've also been dealing with family issues that aren't worth bringing up right now.
And if you want a more upfront answer. I hate using my Intuos Tablet, it is 10yrs old, scratched to hell, and glitches every now and again. I can't afford a Cintiq (or similar) right now, or for a long time because of debt my husband and I are still paying off. Sitting at my desk is uncomfortable, physically and emotionally.
I have a shit ton of traditional works, but they're all messy sketches, and look terrible since I usually do them while watching TV before bed. I don't think anyone would want to see stuff like that, if I'm wrong let me know and I'll spend a day scanning stuff in.
PS
Someone sent me a note titled "Hi I liked you" and then deleted their account so I couldn't read it. WTH?
Long story short, I've been busy, and too tired to draw.
Physical Therapy
I've been having progressively more trouble sitting for long periods of time. Like when I draw, or play MMORPGs, I had X-rays done, and found out I have lack of height in my L5 disc of my back. (That's the part of the spine where the hips meet), they were actually surprised to see that kind of injury/damage in a young person, so I've been going to physical therapy twice a week, where the therapists (I work with two) found out I've never really exercised in my life.
I was never allowed in PE because of my eye surgeries, so the only physical activity I ever had growing up was riding my bike (which I did much less after an incident where I broke my drawing wrist, and couldn't even doodle for 3 months), swimming (again rare occurrence, only during the summer), walking home from school (In high school it was a 3 mile walk! :D ), chores, and volunteer work. As an adult, again my exercise was mostly just walking, which decreased exponentially after I got shin splints, and my dog was kennel bound while she recovered from her surgery. I tried going to the pool at the gym, but felt subconscious trying to get back in shape around a bunch of soldiers (who were also getting back in shape, but were WAAAY more in shape than me)
Needless to say, even though I hate saying it, I'm a very weak person, in fact it is faster just to tell you the only part of my body that is decent would be my lower legs. Everything else is soft, squishy, and weak. They were extremely concerned and surprised when they found out I had zero core strength at all. So to stop, or at least slow the damage to my back they have been making me relearn my own body, and doing a lost of exercises. I've been doing this twice a week for about an hour (Sometimes more, sometimes less), now they want me to do it every day at home, and still go the PT once a week for tougher exercises (so start next week)
Allergies and Breathing Issues
I am allergic to Alternaria Mold, it is the only thing I'm allergic to. (According to scratch testing, and blood testing) The problem is that Alternaria mold is the most common mold in Texas, and actually mold counts are pretty high right now because of fall. On top of that I had a mold infestation in my house, and the mold that popped up the highest in my system was Alternaria mold. Housing was quick to get us out while they tore out the contaminated areas, and even put in a new AC unit, but I'm still having issues. (Though way more mild), so tomorrow on orders from the Allergy clinic there is going to be an Air Quality test done on my home. If the mold count is at least 20% higher than outside, housing has to put us in a different house, which mean we'll have to move. (I hope the current high mold count outside doesn't mess with tomorrows test, and that they just use the average for the area)
I also have chronic rhinitis and acid reflux (Or GERD? ), what would acid reflux have to do with allergies and breathing issues? Well as I recently found out, the chronic rhinitis irritated my sinuses, so I get a post nasal drip. A constant post nasal drip will irritate my stomach, and make acid reflux worse. Having constant acid reflux for almost 20yrs, I've been inhaling stomach acid and partially digested food into my air ways! :D (Gross, and dangerous...w000~) This has been damaging my trachea and bronchioles, causing upper-respiratory infections, and bronchial spasms WHICH mimic asthma!!! So for 20yrs doctors have been treating my like I had reactive/exercise induced asthma when I was F--ing inhaling my stomach contents. The damage to my airways makes them sensitive to irritants, so I'll mimic asthma symptoms, and an inhaler will make me feel better, but doesn't help the underlying issue. It hurts to inhale air sometimes (like right now), can make it hard to talk, and the irritation makes me cough a lot/choke on mucus. (Which the body produced more of when there's an irritation. =...=) Leading to fatigue, aches, and just feeling miserable.
ADHD
Oh ADHD....such a lovely genetic trait, but such a double-edged sword. When I'm off my meds I can write, draw, and have a bazillion ideas for stories, and illustrations, Unfortunately I also forget to eat, sleep, forget about my domestic responsibilities, etc. In fact all I want to do is draw (And maybe finish one out of 20 sketches), or play video games, or something else intoxingly mentally stimulating. While I'm on my meds I'm more focused, and can get important adult things done (like remember to pay my bills, making sure not to overspend money, etc) Unfortunately my creativity drops. I'll sit staring at a canvas and can't think of any ideas, or worse, have one, and I can't draw it out because the image in my brain disappears. I'm also more irritable, and easier to stress out. (My OCD, and PTSD are harder to control)
Recently the doctor switched my meds though, so hopefully I'll have better results on the new one. (I was originally on Concerta, now I'm trying out Adderall, today is my first day on it.)
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+On top of this I've also been dealing with family issues that aren't worth bringing up right now.
And if you want a more upfront answer. I hate using my Intuos Tablet, it is 10yrs old, scratched to hell, and glitches every now and again. I can't afford a Cintiq (or similar) right now, or for a long time because of debt my husband and I are still paying off. Sitting at my desk is uncomfortable, physically and emotionally.
I have a shit ton of traditional works, but they're all messy sketches, and look terrible since I usually do them while watching TV before bed. I don't think anyone would want to see stuff like that, if I'm wrong let me know and I'll spend a day scanning stuff in.
PS
Someone sent me a note titled "Hi I liked you" and then deleted their account so I couldn't read it. WTH?
Mold - Update
Posted 7 years agoSo I guess the mold damage is severe, and has been going on for a while....
Copy & Paste from FB, because I'm lazy, and have a headache while I'm packing.
"(Hubby) and myself are moving into temporary housing tomorrow. It is a house like the one we're currently living in, it'll be in the same neighborhood, and it comes fully furnished. (Yay no hotel!)
The cause of the issue was algae buildup in the AC pipes (I forget the proper names). The blockage cause backflow, and the water rose to the floor level into the walls. This leakage has been going on since at least August, maybe longer, but by the time we were able to take notice the damage was already severe.
They said it'll take a couple weeks to redo the bathroom, hall closet, and the surrounding walls, so I'm hoping "Fully Furnished" Also means they have internet and cable over there, because I'd go insane just sitting around all day. D: "
New info
- There is internet at the new place, so if I start to feel better, I might post art while I'm over there. (I'm determined to bring my PC dammit! >:3 )
- As of now we'll definitely be over there for two weeks. (maybe longer)
Copy & Paste from FB, because I'm lazy, and have a headache while I'm packing.
"(Hubby) and myself are moving into temporary housing tomorrow. It is a house like the one we're currently living in, it'll be in the same neighborhood, and it comes fully furnished. (Yay no hotel!)
The cause of the issue was algae buildup in the AC pipes (I forget the proper names). The blockage cause backflow, and the water rose to the floor level into the walls. This leakage has been going on since at least August, maybe longer, but by the time we were able to take notice the damage was already severe.
They said it'll take a couple weeks to redo the bathroom, hall closet, and the surrounding walls, so I'm hoping "Fully Furnished" Also means they have internet and cable over there, because I'd go insane just sitting around all day. D: "
New info
- There is internet at the new place, so if I start to feel better, I might post art while I'm over there. (I'm determined to bring my PC dammit! >:3 )
- As of now we'll definitely be over there for two weeks. (maybe longer)
MOLD!!!!!!
Posted 7 years agoThere is MOLD IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! D: and I have a mold allergy!!! (To Alternaria)
I don't know how extensive it is right now, I'm waiting for maintenance to come and inspect it, but I didn't know about it until last night, there were no water stains on the walls, or anything, and I rarely open that closet. The only reason I discovered it at all was there were pools of water in the bathroom and hallway and I thought my poor pup peed on the floor. (Now I feel bad) There have been pools periodically throughout the month, but like I said, I thought it was my dog, because she's still still off and on from her surgery, and doesn't like to go outside sometimes.
-feels sick- BLEEEEEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!
Depending on how long this has been developing, this might be the issue I've been having lately. (At least part of it.) Since I don't know how the inner walls are doing.
I don't know how extensive it is right now, I'm waiting for maintenance to come and inspect it, but I didn't know about it until last night, there were no water stains on the walls, or anything, and I rarely open that closet. The only reason I discovered it at all was there were pools of water in the bathroom and hallway and I thought my poor pup peed on the floor. (Now I feel bad) There have been pools periodically throughout the month, but like I said, I thought it was my dog, because she's still still off and on from her surgery, and doesn't like to go outside sometimes.
-feels sick- BLEEEEEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!
Depending on how long this has been developing, this might be the issue I've been having lately. (At least part of it.) Since I don't know how the inner walls are doing.
The mysteries continue! (Life Update)
Posted 7 years agoSo I haven't really felt like drawing, or really doing anything lately. Lots of stuff going on, got a bit depressed. I've been struggling with my health off an on since I hit puberty. Nothing major, but enough to be a distraction. Most of the time I could write my symptoms off as small things that could be managed with over-the-counter meds, but at time went on the symptoms got worse, and after I moved to Texas the symptoms became impossible to ignore. Not all my symptoms are related, and some are too personal to share.
Pretty much I've been struggling with my breathing, flare-ups, rashes, pain, nausea, allergy symptoms, food aversion, lack of appetite (most of the time I'll eat once a day), food binging (more rare), migraines, dizziness, and fatigue, and feminine issues.
My current Primary Care Doctor is sending me to all these specialists atm because my quality of life is hitting a breaking point that I can no longer tolerate. It hurts to walk around, it hurts to be on the PC for hours on end, I can't go outside without getting itchy all over and having issues breathing, etc, etc.
So far the hematologist didn't find anything interesting (to her) in my blood panel. The allergist doesn't think I have allergies at all (even though I have all the symptoms), and I'm waiting for blood work to confirm, she also doesn't think I have asthma because I have difficulty inhaling, not exhaling, hell I might not even have eczema. In fact my whole appointment with her was upsetting and frustrating because she was making the case that I might have been getting misdiagnosed constantly for at least the last decade. Right now she took me off my antihistamines until her next appointment (Oct 3rd), so I'm more itchy now, and coughing more.
I also start physical therapy on the 2nd, which will be interesting because I guess I have lumbar issues. (Yay for forgetting about childhood injuries that catch up with you.) I also have shin splints, so hopefully the therapist can help me learn how to exercise without hurting myself.
I still have more labs to do, but have to fast for 12hrs before (I'm only allowed water), so I might just wait and do them on the day of my allergy appointment since it is in the same building.
Long story short, I'm sorry I've become progressively less active over the years, and never honored any of the art requests I tried to host. From struggling with debt, my husband's health, the Army, our Dog's surgery, and my own health I've just lost the spark that let me pour out ideas constantly. I'm hoping to become more rejuvenated and inspired, but it is hard to stay optimistic.
Pretty much I've been struggling with my breathing, flare-ups, rashes, pain, nausea, allergy symptoms, food aversion, lack of appetite (most of the time I'll eat once a day), food binging (more rare), migraines, dizziness, and fatigue, and feminine issues.
My current Primary Care Doctor is sending me to all these specialists atm because my quality of life is hitting a breaking point that I can no longer tolerate. It hurts to walk around, it hurts to be on the PC for hours on end, I can't go outside without getting itchy all over and having issues breathing, etc, etc.
So far the hematologist didn't find anything interesting (to her) in my blood panel. The allergist doesn't think I have allergies at all (even though I have all the symptoms), and I'm waiting for blood work to confirm, she also doesn't think I have asthma because I have difficulty inhaling, not exhaling, hell I might not even have eczema. In fact my whole appointment with her was upsetting and frustrating because she was making the case that I might have been getting misdiagnosed constantly for at least the last decade. Right now she took me off my antihistamines until her next appointment (Oct 3rd), so I'm more itchy now, and coughing more.
I also start physical therapy on the 2nd, which will be interesting because I guess I have lumbar issues. (Yay for forgetting about childhood injuries that catch up with you.) I also have shin splints, so hopefully the therapist can help me learn how to exercise without hurting myself.
I still have more labs to do, but have to fast for 12hrs before (I'm only allowed water), so I might just wait and do them on the day of my allergy appointment since it is in the same building.
Long story short, I'm sorry I've become progressively less active over the years, and never honored any of the art requests I tried to host. From struggling with debt, my husband's health, the Army, our Dog's surgery, and my own health I've just lost the spark that let me pour out ideas constantly. I'm hoping to become more rejuvenated and inspired, but it is hard to stay optimistic.
