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French - the bane of my existence
Posted a year agoA TL;DR cause I dunno how long this rant will be and how many will read it:
Looking for people that can speak French to learn French with. If you’re willing to help, please let me know (contact me either via discord or telegram and say why your contacting me, getting tons of scammers lately q-q)
With that being said: time for my rant about learning French.
French. A language with romantic roots - quite fitting considering it’s spoken in France (duh) where Paris is located. The city of love.
But learning French as a German. It more and more feels like an impossible task. In the beginning it was all easy going, everything was quite simple.
But as more and more advanced it got - the harder it got. Especially past and future tenses seem random to me at times, with no real logic behind them. Not to mention when to exactly use words like “en” or “y”.
I’m at a level where I can hold somewhat of a conversation - though I still feel like I make a ton of mistakes.
And the hardest part - speaking and listening.
German by itself. It’s pretty consistent when it comes on how to pronounce a word. And pronunciation is generally “hard”. I don’t really know how to explain it but you know the memes about German pronunciation.
Now take French. It feels like sometimes half the word doesn’t get pronounced, while all the words flow into each other. It’s really hard to make out what’s being said at times cause I don’t hear singular words, but - let’s just call it a jibberish of letters. Even though I know what the word means when it’s written down - I simply can’t make it out in spoken French.
Duolingo - which I’ve been using so far - can only get you so far. And I feel I’ve been stuck at a point for quite a while now where it’s better to start actively using French in order to be able to improve on it.
So yeah. I’m looking for more people that would be willing to help me learn French. No need to be a native French speaker, just be confident in your French I guess. So yeah, hit me up on either telegram or discord (“takkju” on both platforms) if interested!
As for now. Time to hide my introverted butt now cause jeeesh, for some reason it took me a lot of courage to write this.
Looking for people that can speak French to learn French with. If you’re willing to help, please let me know (contact me either via discord or telegram and say why your contacting me, getting tons of scammers lately q-q)
With that being said: time for my rant about learning French.
French. A language with romantic roots - quite fitting considering it’s spoken in France (duh) where Paris is located. The city of love.
But learning French as a German. It more and more feels like an impossible task. In the beginning it was all easy going, everything was quite simple.
But as more and more advanced it got - the harder it got. Especially past and future tenses seem random to me at times, with no real logic behind them. Not to mention when to exactly use words like “en” or “y”.
I’m at a level where I can hold somewhat of a conversation - though I still feel like I make a ton of mistakes.
And the hardest part - speaking and listening.
German by itself. It’s pretty consistent when it comes on how to pronounce a word. And pronunciation is generally “hard”. I don’t really know how to explain it but you know the memes about German pronunciation.
Now take French. It feels like sometimes half the word doesn’t get pronounced, while all the words flow into each other. It’s really hard to make out what’s being said at times cause I don’t hear singular words, but - let’s just call it a jibberish of letters. Even though I know what the word means when it’s written down - I simply can’t make it out in spoken French.
Duolingo - which I’ve been using so far - can only get you so far. And I feel I’ve been stuck at a point for quite a while now where it’s better to start actively using French in order to be able to improve on it.
So yeah. I’m looking for more people that would be willing to help me learn French. No need to be a native French speaker, just be confident in your French I guess. So yeah, hit me up on either telegram or discord (“takkju” on both platforms) if interested!
As for now. Time to hide my introverted butt now cause jeeesh, for some reason it took me a lot of courage to write this.
500 Watcher Raffle Winner
Posted a year agoWell, the RNGoddees has blessed me with a Random number, it being 33
With that,
MashuuMidori has won the raffle!
Again, this was a smaller one so no additional prices. Buuut next time will be a bigger one at... lets say 750 watchers!
See you all soon!
With that,
MashuuMidori has won the raffle!Again, this was a smaller one so no additional prices. Buuut next time will be a bigger one at... lets say 750 watchers!
See you all soon!
Raffle reminder!!
Posted a year ago2 Milestones + moar raffle?!?
Posted a year agoI... am kind of late with this since I didn't really pay any attention but...
500 Watchers here on FA plus 100 members on my discord server?
How the hell did that happen?
Guess... it's time for a raffle then! Though nothing too fancy cause on my discord server I am having (hopefully the first of many) huge group commission going which will go preeeeetty deep into my bank account!
But anyways, without much yadda yadda, a small raffe! As usual, it's quite simple. Just watch me if you already havent and comment on this journal to gain a number. Make a journal of your own with a link to here to gain another number. Price will be the typical "I will get us a commission". Can be SFW or NSFW, with either myself or my two OCs. And to make sure you read everthing, your comment should include your favourite tv series (I say TV series but it can be any show even if its exclusive to Netflix or Disney+ for example. Not gonna list all streaming services cause... there are too many of them.)
So eah, happy raffling!
Oh, and deadline will be 10th of August, at around 8 pm CEST. So until then you can participate!
500 Watchers here on FA plus 100 members on my discord server?
How the hell did that happen?
Guess... it's time for a raffle then! Though nothing too fancy cause on my discord server I am having (hopefully the first of many) huge group commission going which will go preeeeetty deep into my bank account!
But anyways, without much yadda yadda, a small raffe! As usual, it's quite simple. Just watch me if you already havent and comment on this journal to gain a number. Make a journal of your own with a link to here to gain another number. Price will be the typical "I will get us a commission". Can be SFW or NSFW, with either myself or my two OCs. And to make sure you read everthing, your comment should include your favourite tv series (I say TV series but it can be any show even if its exclusive to Netflix or Disney+ for example. Not gonna list all streaming services cause... there are too many of them.)
So eah, happy raffling!
Oh, and deadline will be 10th of August, at around 8 pm CEST. So until then you can participate!
April Update
Posted a year agoI’m writing this as I’m sitting in an aircraft, don’t expect something too long cause… last one was just like 2 weeks ago.
Work situation… well, I finally managed to talk about some of the issues I had at work, and both they are willing to help to improve the overall situation. So, my work contract there for now will be renewed. I’m also going down with my weekly hours.
They also told me if I find something else, I still can work part time at my current place and a few hours a week at another place.
I probably worried way too much about financial thingies when thinking about working less, but in the end, it actually affects me minimally (thanks to taxes and insurances!)
So yeah, I’ve mentioned that I’m sitting in a plane. Heading to Canada in around half an hour to visit my red doofus for 10 days c:
After that, normal boring life as a human will continue. I probably will start streaming on an almost daily basis, just to show my skill issues in ACC.
Talking about, the timing of my visit both is good but also bad.
My most favourite racetrack, the Nordschleife 24h Combined circuit, released yesterday on ACC, and the community im in is hosting hourly races there.
So. I can’t take part in them since I’m away. But at the same time, my wheel got kind of borked. The downshift pedal doesn’t work properly, sometimes not registering a click, sometimes registering multiple. Which is quite annoying. I used this as an excuse to upgrade it to the Moza R5 bundle. And due to the vacation, it’ll most likely be here when I return. So I don’t need to drive much longer with a borked wheel!
But yeah, I’m gonna head out now, will enjoy the flight and the days with my boyfriend!
Work situation… well, I finally managed to talk about some of the issues I had at work, and both they are willing to help to improve the overall situation. So, my work contract there for now will be renewed. I’m also going down with my weekly hours.
They also told me if I find something else, I still can work part time at my current place and a few hours a week at another place.
I probably worried way too much about financial thingies when thinking about working less, but in the end, it actually affects me minimally (thanks to taxes and insurances!)
So yeah, I’ve mentioned that I’m sitting in a plane. Heading to Canada in around half an hour to visit my red doofus for 10 days c:
After that, normal boring life as a human will continue. I probably will start streaming on an almost daily basis, just to show my skill issues in ACC.
Talking about, the timing of my visit both is good but also bad.
My most favourite racetrack, the Nordschleife 24h Combined circuit, released yesterday on ACC, and the community im in is hosting hourly races there.
So. I can’t take part in them since I’m away. But at the same time, my wheel got kind of borked. The downshift pedal doesn’t work properly, sometimes not registering a click, sometimes registering multiple. Which is quite annoying. I used this as an excuse to upgrade it to the Moza R5 bundle. And due to the vacation, it’ll most likely be here when I return. So I don’t need to drive much longer with a borked wheel!
But yeah, I’m gonna head out now, will enjoy the flight and the days with my boyfriend!
Random thoughts
Posted a year agoI dunno why I’m posting it but some thoughts that are following me around the last few days. I’m also saying this, just in case: No worries, I’m doing fine right now.
For years, you had something sleeping inside you. Undisturbed, it never woke up. You always felt like there was something there, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was or where it came from.
You always felt like you’re different, like you don’t belong here.
You always had many questions.
Until one day.
The day that thing inside you awakened. Until [b]you[b] awakened.
Suddenly, your body doesn’t feel like yours anymore.
Suddenly, instincts want to take over logical thinking.
That thing inside you. It was the true you all this time, trying to break out of its prison.
Trying to break out of the shackles human thinking has put on it.
Suddenly, you become aware of your true body. You used to walk on 4 legs. You used to have a tail. You used to have a pair of wings.
You can feel it all now, your true body. Yet you’re still in your human body.
You lay there, in your bed, paralysed by that sensation your true body gives you.
You want to move your tail, your wings. But you can’t. You feel them, but they’re not there.
Moments later, that sensation of your true body disappears. You feel human again.
You wonder what happened, trying to move again.
Successfully.
This experience. It has changed you. You’re still the same person, yet you’re different.
Was it a dream? Or was it reality?
Will you suppress it? Or will you embrace it?
Will you let it guide you? Or will you ignore it?
No one knows, except for yourself.
Some of you might know it, some don’t: I’m an otherkin.
In the last few months I’ve become very disconnected from myself. I’m slowly finding my way back again though.
This text above, I don’t know where it came from and how it got into my mind. I just feel like it’s something I should share, because I don’t know… it keeps bothering me.
The thing inside me I’m talking about here is - in my case - Takkju. He’s not an OC or a fur/scalesona (or whatever you want to call it), he is my identity. All my actions are his actions, and his actions are mine. Except flying, if I’d try that, I’d flop on the ground!
But that “Thing” drove me to where I stand today, even when it was still slumbering inside me. I’m grateful for it, that this “Thing” did its best to guide me.
But anyways, enough of philosophical bla bla. Don’t want to bore you even more!
But if anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask, I won’t bite as long as you don’t give me a reason to!
For years, you had something sleeping inside you. Undisturbed, it never woke up. You always felt like there was something there, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was or where it came from.
You always felt like you’re different, like you don’t belong here.
You always had many questions.
Until one day.
The day that thing inside you awakened. Until [b]you[b] awakened.
Suddenly, your body doesn’t feel like yours anymore.
Suddenly, instincts want to take over logical thinking.
That thing inside you. It was the true you all this time, trying to break out of its prison.
Trying to break out of the shackles human thinking has put on it.
Suddenly, you become aware of your true body. You used to walk on 4 legs. You used to have a tail. You used to have a pair of wings.
You can feel it all now, your true body. Yet you’re still in your human body.
You lay there, in your bed, paralysed by that sensation your true body gives you.
You want to move your tail, your wings. But you can’t. You feel them, but they’re not there.
Moments later, that sensation of your true body disappears. You feel human again.
You wonder what happened, trying to move again.
Successfully.
This experience. It has changed you. You’re still the same person, yet you’re different.
Was it a dream? Or was it reality?
Will you suppress it? Or will you embrace it?
Will you let it guide you? Or will you ignore it?
No one knows, except for yourself.
Some of you might know it, some don’t: I’m an otherkin.
In the last few months I’ve become very disconnected from myself. I’m slowly finding my way back again though.
This text above, I don’t know where it came from and how it got into my mind. I just feel like it’s something I should share, because I don’t know… it keeps bothering me.
The thing inside me I’m talking about here is - in my case - Takkju. He’s not an OC or a fur/scalesona (or whatever you want to call it), he is my identity. All my actions are his actions, and his actions are mine. Except flying, if I’d try that, I’d flop on the ground!
But that “Thing” drove me to where I stand today, even when it was still slumbering inside me. I’m grateful for it, that this “Thing” did its best to guide me.
But anyways, enough of philosophical bla bla. Don’t want to bore you even more!
But if anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask, I won’t bite as long as you don’t give me a reason to!
(Late) March update
Posted a year agoA bit late, considering March is already half over.
Lots of things... well, didnt happen.
Most importantly, I wanted to take a trip to Paris to meet a good friend but... Life and Lufthansa said "Nop". Too exhausted to do anything and with Lufthansa being on strike I didn't want to risk being stranded at some place I... well, didn't live.
Considering that I still learning French and barely can understand then (cause they seem to forget that the alphabet has 26 letters while talking).
So, one week spend at home.
But my newfound hobby of simracing at least helped me to get "away" from home. Am decent, but I still have a lot to learn. And the communinty I am racing in is really helpful and I really like it there. And... in that regard there is something I really look forward to, if it is actually true. The racetrack I have a love/hate relationship with is finally realising to ACC on April 1st (even though this is a fishy date to be honest) The Nürburgring Nordschleife! I've been there with a friend last year and... neither pictures nor any video game I have played give it an justice. So I am really looking forward to drive GT3s, GT4s, GT2s and other racecars around that track x3
Apart from all that, February was relatively uneventful. Looking for a new job and I have a decent chance on something buuut. Don't really wanna mention it futher before it's 100% certain that I can get out of my current field.
As for March, well it's halfway over but there is two things right now going on: On the racing community it's Spa Week, one week of Spa-Francorchamps, another of my favourite tracks (and one I'd love to visit one day). Other than that, I will be having a a trip overseas again, visiting a very special someone :3
So... Dunno what else to write, see you in a month ('cause... not gonna write these while on vacation xD)
Lots of things... well, didnt happen.
Most importantly, I wanted to take a trip to Paris to meet a good friend but... Life and Lufthansa said "Nop". Too exhausted to do anything and with Lufthansa being on strike I didn't want to risk being stranded at some place I... well, didn't live.
Considering that I still learning French and barely can understand then (cause they seem to forget that the alphabet has 26 letters while talking).
So, one week spend at home.
But my newfound hobby of simracing at least helped me to get "away" from home. Am decent, but I still have a lot to learn. And the communinty I am racing in is really helpful and I really like it there. And... in that regard there is something I really look forward to, if it is actually true. The racetrack I have a love/hate relationship with is finally realising to ACC on April 1st (even though this is a fishy date to be honest) The Nürburgring Nordschleife! I've been there with a friend last year and... neither pictures nor any video game I have played give it an justice. So I am really looking forward to drive GT3s, GT4s, GT2s and other racecars around that track x3
Apart from all that, February was relatively uneventful. Looking for a new job and I have a decent chance on something buuut. Don't really wanna mention it futher before it's 100% certain that I can get out of my current field.
As for March, well it's halfway over but there is two things right now going on: On the racing community it's Spa Week, one week of Spa-Francorchamps, another of my favourite tracks (and one I'd love to visit one day). Other than that, I will be having a a trip overseas again, visiting a very special someone :3
So... Dunno what else to write, see you in a month ('cause... not gonna write these while on vacation xD)
February Update
Posted a year agoOh well, the first month of the year is over and actually, not much happened except two things:
Firstly, I have discovered something I really like to do: Sim Racing! I got myself a wheel for my PC (Logitech G923 Trueforce) a while ago and while in the beginning not being so deep into it, I recently found a really nice community for Assetto Corsa Competizione. Even though I feel like I’m one of the slower people there, I still have a nice time there! ESPECIALLY since there’s barely any toxicity despite the game being competitive. Never thought in my life that I’ll see such a thing.
Second thing that happened is… I’m going to quit my current job. As in, leaving it behind entirely.
For those who don’t know, I work here in Germany as (the equivalent of) a CNA in a nursing home. In the past few weeks… months even, it dragged me mentally down a spiral. With my schedule I barely feel like I have any free time, getting bombarded with almost only complaints from all sides (occupants, relatives, doctors, other external people), not really having my work appreciated… it’s just extremely draining.
And right now it feels like I’m at a dead end. I don’t know what to do or where to go. Returning would mean for me to continue in my current occupation and I honestly don’t want to do that anymore.
Luckily I have some slight shimmer of hope that I can find something very soon, but I’d like to talk about that when I know how certain it’ll be.
Other than that… I don’t really know what to put down as of the time of writing this so… I guess see you next month in the next update?
Firstly, I have discovered something I really like to do: Sim Racing! I got myself a wheel for my PC (Logitech G923 Trueforce) a while ago and while in the beginning not being so deep into it, I recently found a really nice community for Assetto Corsa Competizione. Even though I feel like I’m one of the slower people there, I still have a nice time there! ESPECIALLY since there’s barely any toxicity despite the game being competitive. Never thought in my life that I’ll see such a thing.
Second thing that happened is… I’m going to quit my current job. As in, leaving it behind entirely.
For those who don’t know, I work here in Germany as (the equivalent of) a CNA in a nursing home. In the past few weeks… months even, it dragged me mentally down a spiral. With my schedule I barely feel like I have any free time, getting bombarded with almost only complaints from all sides (occupants, relatives, doctors, other external people), not really having my work appreciated… it’s just extremely draining.
And right now it feels like I’m at a dead end. I don’t know what to do or where to go. Returning would mean for me to continue in my current occupation and I honestly don’t want to do that anymore.
Luckily I have some slight shimmer of hope that I can find something very soon, but I’d like to talk about that when I know how certain it’ll be.
Other than that… I don’t really know what to put down as of the time of writing this so… I guess see you next month in the next update?
January Update: 2023 Rewind
Posted a year agoFirstly, happy new year everyone! We survived another revolution of earth around Sol.
After everything 2023 brought us, with seemingly every year getting worse ever since 2020, I just hope that this downwards spiral is going to end soon. And if it doesn’t. Well, congratulations humanity, you destroyed your only habitable place.
As for 2023…
Started great, went downhill pretty fast and pretty steep. Things I don’t really want to talk about. Losing my job over seemingly nothing, getting a car repair bill of and estimated 2.5k (which turned out to be „only“ 2k) which hit my savings quite badly due to the uncertain future.
Things started to get better at my new place, almost everyone seemed to be supportive there.
And lastly, being financially a bit better since I found psychological help, which is covered by my health insurance. Up until that, I got my help in that regard from BetterHelp, which was 200€ every 4 weeks.
With cost of living raising here and my work not really keeping up with it (Germanys healthcare might be shiny from the outside, but it it’s all horrible from the inside. Getting ~17€/h and taking care of up to 20 people during day shift and up to 590 people during night shift as a CNA… I wonder if people from other countries would work under these conditions. Overworked, underpaid, underapprecisted).
But enough ranting about 2023 and everything else.
I also want to say thanks to everyone who still held onto me during the last year. There mostly not in a particular order, I just write these as the people come in my mind.
I don’t know who else to put there at the time of writing this. Might gonna update it over the coming days.
If you weren’t one of the above mentioned people but want me to lose some words about you, feel free to let me know! I won’t bite unless you give me a reason to (or are one of the weirdos who literally as me for it xD), so no worries there :3
I hope everyone stays the way they are in 2024
As for 2024… after that test stream Ii had on which I just wanted to test if things are working, where some people decided to show up and watch me, despite there being nothing to see, I will start streaming again this year. I won’t have a schedule, it’s more on a „today I feel like steaming“ basis. I’ll announce streams however on my discord server at least. I also may put something - probably a journal - here on FA.
My New Year’s resolution… I guess talking to people more and spending time with them, since I’ve been relatively silent for what feels like most of 2023…
But that’s it from me for the moment. See you soon!
After everything 2023 brought us, with seemingly every year getting worse ever since 2020, I just hope that this downwards spiral is going to end soon. And if it doesn’t. Well, congratulations humanity, you destroyed your only habitable place.
As for 2023…
Started great, went downhill pretty fast and pretty steep. Things I don’t really want to talk about. Losing my job over seemingly nothing, getting a car repair bill of and estimated 2.5k (which turned out to be „only“ 2k) which hit my savings quite badly due to the uncertain future.
Things started to get better at my new place, almost everyone seemed to be supportive there.
And lastly, being financially a bit better since I found psychological help, which is covered by my health insurance. Up until that, I got my help in that regard from BetterHelp, which was 200€ every 4 weeks.
With cost of living raising here and my work not really keeping up with it (Germanys healthcare might be shiny from the outside, but it it’s all horrible from the inside. Getting ~17€/h and taking care of up to 20 people during day shift and up to 590 people during night shift as a CNA… I wonder if people from other countries would work under these conditions. Overworked, underpaid, underapprecisted).
But enough ranting about 2023 and everything else.
I also want to say thanks to everyone who still held onto me during the last year. There mostly not in a particular order, I just write these as the people come in my mind.
_____
Billeur_entropy
You, mister: I have to say a lot about you. But I simply can’t find the words, so I’ll keep it short and simple: I’m really grateful you’re being such a huge part in my life and I’ll hope it’ll stay that way.
Thaz
A new year, and a New Year’s party by Thaz. Somehow you manage one thing I never thought I can: enjoying my time at a party when I only know a handful of the guests. And also, I don’t know how often I mentioned it but I say it again: even though you didn’t know me at all back then (and honestly, back then I also thought of ever meeting you in person or even talk to you), thanks to you I’m standing here today! And for that I’m very grateful.
SDIS78
Even though we just started really talking to each other recently, I still feel like I can call you a good friend of mine. In the few weeks, I’ve become much more comfortable with talking (well, at least reading and writing) French. I was uncomfortable at first because of the mistakes (since French has one thing going: it’s consistent in being inconsistent in my opinion). But now, im more relaxed about it and don’t fear to ask what something means if I don’t understand it.
Merci beaucoup, tu as un bon ami :3
Dorak
First of all, you’re one of the most amazing artists I’ve met. I’ve gotten a few things from you, with one big project still in the makings, and it’s always enjoyable to work with you. I also enjoy our talks outside of commissions a lot!
Jellyntical
Egg.
I don’t know what more to say except egg. x3
Another artist I enjoy talking to outside of commissions, and someone who made me discover a kink I didn’t think I had, thanks for that! xD
ZyriaTheDragon and 
ZyksTheDragon
You two are adorable. Do I need to say any more? You two also helped me cheer up during the year, and I won’t forget my plan to kidnap Zyria just to bring you to Zyks >:3
Mariovstoad
Another one who was being cheerful throughout the year. Even when his heath conditions weren’t treating him nice. I also really enjoyed the visit despite you having issues in that regard, and don’t you dare think otherwise!
IridiuLugia
Yet another dragon cheering me up, spending all night with me in VRC when he was able to convince me to join him. And also someone I visited throughout the year. I enjoyed these times a lot, even if I was a „hide the pain Takkju“ x3
Lydakrill
You, sir, are also an amazing person. Initially contacting you for the 3D model, with expecting not much more, you’ve grown also into a someone I can call a good friend of mine. Even though I was rather quite for various reason, I also always enjoy the talking we have, and that bit of BG3 we played together!
Mepuri
You’re sometimes weird, but in a good way? I dunno. You’re also a dragon I’m glad that appeared in my life, cheering me up and well, being you. I always enjoy our talks, even if it feels like they’re sparse most of the times.
_____
Thaz
SDIS78
Dorak
Jellyntical
ZyriaTheDragon
ZyksTheDragon
Mariovstoad
IridiuLugia
Lydakrill
MepuriI don’t know who else to put there at the time of writing this. Might gonna update it over the coming days.
If you weren’t one of the above mentioned people but want me to lose some words about you, feel free to let me know! I won’t bite unless you give me a reason to (or are one of the weirdos who literally as me for it xD), so no worries there :3
I hope everyone stays the way they are in 2024
As for 2024… after that test stream Ii had on which I just wanted to test if things are working, where some people decided to show up and watch me, despite there being nothing to see, I will start streaming again this year. I won’t have a schedule, it’s more on a „today I feel like steaming“ basis. I’ll announce streams however on my discord server at least. I also may put something - probably a journal - here on FA.
My New Year’s resolution… I guess talking to people more and spending time with them, since I’ve been relatively silent for what feels like most of 2023…
But that’s it from me for the moment. See you soon!
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! || Christmas Raffle Winne...
Posted a year agoHey there, to whom it concern: I wish everyone a merry christmas, or in the case you dont celebrate it, happy holidays!
AND ALSO, because I wont write a journal until then: Happy New Year! (or as we say in germany: Einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! [Slide well into the new year?] dunno how this can be translated)
Anyways, I hope yours are better than mine, which I have to spend at work (at least not much family stuff happening that way, will elaborate in the january update when I'll arrive home on Jan 3rd)
______
And now to some business: the winners of that kinda sneaky raffle I held:
BirdOfGrain and 
winter.fa both won the raffle! I'll note you two here on FA, from where we can discuss everything.
Uhhh... not much more to say here, so I guess I see you next time!
AND ALSO, because I wont write a journal until then: Happy New Year! (or as we say in germany: Einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! [Slide well into the new year?] dunno how this can be translated)
Anyways, I hope yours are better than mine, which I have to spend at work (at least not much family stuff happening that way, will elaborate in the january update when I'll arrive home on Jan 3rd)
______
And now to some business: the winners of that kinda sneaky raffle I held:
BirdOfGrain and 
winter.fa both won the raffle! I'll note you two here on FA, from where we can discuss everything.Uhhh... not much more to say here, so I guess I see you next time!
December Update + Raffle
Posted 2 years ago2nd of these journals, so I guess I’ll follow through with them. Again, I don’t really know what to write down here so it’s just a collection of thoughts and things that come into my mind, out of order and with no real priority in terms of when I wrote what. Also... Why do I mention the upcoming month and not the previous one in these..? Eh, I'll just stick with it now. If you don't like it, deal with it.
______
Looking back at November… starting with a dive down a hole because nothing seem to work out for me. A visit of someone I know fell flat because of the thing that terrorised the world for 3 years despite being so small it can’t even be seen.
Psychologist also introduced me to something - a sensory deprivation chamber. Its a floaty water thing thats completely isolated from the outside world, completely dark and mostly soundproof. Being inside one was weird until I fell asleep. Psychologist laughed it off at the end of the session and told me that falling asleep can be part of meditation. It did help clear my head by a lot though, at least I felt like I could think in a straight line for once.
Other than that, November was pretty much eventless, excpet for one more thing.
Communism has entered my life again, after it was absent for the majority of this year. What does it mean? Well, it was (and honestly, I still want to keep it this way) an inside joke between me and a certain someone that brightened up my life. The rest, you'll figure out yourself most likely. If not, you will see soon enough.
I also noticed over the past months I got pretty oblivious to a lot of things when it comes to jokes, sarcasm, or teases for the most part unless it is rubbed into my face, and even then I may not realise what is going on. Psychologist says it 's something that this is just a temporary things, and will most likely come back with time.
Also Also, something I noticed: I sometimes get called out for "ignoring" some people that want to talk to me. And I'm honestly sick of getting accused of ignoring someone because I didn't message them back. There's so much going on in my life, especially in terms of work and family stuff sometimes, in addition to me having a general hard time to keep up with people, that I simply *forget* to replay to people. I'm not ignoring anyone, I just forgot to reply. So just nudge me a few times. And even then if I don't reply, my mental capacity probably isn't at a level where it should me.
I'm not ignoring anyone except people I dislike. And I am pretty direct when it comes to this term so unless you are braindead, you will know.
______
Plans for December? Christmas raffe and avoiding christmas as much as possible.
I... honestly despise this season. It less feels like some sort of "the spirit of gifting and bringing joy" but more of "the season of how to milk costumers". Along with family matters during the holidays. Stores here started in August (!) to advertise christmas or even start selling christmas stuff. And made sure it is seen with big pricetags that just screamed "BUY ME NOW YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT THIS CHEAP". Seriously, if you wanna do that, do it like that one store in Rothenburg ob der Tauber in Germany. Granted, that one is a store that focuses on selling christmas stuff *all year long*. But then, it wouldn't be a special season where costumers can be milked. But that's only my unpopular opinion about that matter.
New Years Plan I also have, gonna visit some friends after a long time all the way down in switzerland. I... have no clue when the last time was I was down there. So I am looking forward to seeing them again.
And lastly, a christmas raffle from the guy that hates christmas, kinda ironic, isn't it? Since this isn't your typical "X Watcher Raffle", everyone gets the same chances (at least those that read this far). If you want to participate, make sure that you watch me and simply comment below this journal what you think about christmas. On the 24th 10pm CET I'll draw 2 winners. Price will be an art piece paid by me (limit per is 200 USD). You can share this journal if you want to, but keep in mind that it wont give you additional chances to win this raffle. So in that regard, I wish everyone good luck!
______
Looking back at November… starting with a dive down a hole because nothing seem to work out for me. A visit of someone I know fell flat because of the thing that terrorised the world for 3 years despite being so small it can’t even be seen.
Psychologist also introduced me to something - a sensory deprivation chamber. Its a floaty water thing thats completely isolated from the outside world, completely dark and mostly soundproof. Being inside one was weird until I fell asleep. Psychologist laughed it off at the end of the session and told me that falling asleep can be part of meditation. It did help clear my head by a lot though, at least I felt like I could think in a straight line for once.
Other than that, November was pretty much eventless, excpet for one more thing.
Communism has entered my life again, after it was absent for the majority of this year. What does it mean? Well, it was (and honestly, I still want to keep it this way) an inside joke between me and a certain someone that brightened up my life. The rest, you'll figure out yourself most likely. If not, you will see soon enough.
I also noticed over the past months I got pretty oblivious to a lot of things when it comes to jokes, sarcasm, or teases for the most part unless it is rubbed into my face, and even then I may not realise what is going on. Psychologist says it 's something that this is just a temporary things, and will most likely come back with time.
Also Also, something I noticed: I sometimes get called out for "ignoring" some people that want to talk to me. And I'm honestly sick of getting accused of ignoring someone because I didn't message them back. There's so much going on in my life, especially in terms of work and family stuff sometimes, in addition to me having a general hard time to keep up with people, that I simply *forget* to replay to people. I'm not ignoring anyone, I just forgot to reply. So just nudge me a few times. And even then if I don't reply, my mental capacity probably isn't at a level where it should me.
I'm not ignoring anyone except people I dislike. And I am pretty direct when it comes to this term so unless you are braindead, you will know.
______
Plans for December? Christmas raffe and avoiding christmas as much as possible.
I... honestly despise this season. It less feels like some sort of "the spirit of gifting and bringing joy" but more of "the season of how to milk costumers". Along with family matters during the holidays. Stores here started in August (!) to advertise christmas or even start selling christmas stuff. And made sure it is seen with big pricetags that just screamed "BUY ME NOW YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT THIS CHEAP". Seriously, if you wanna do that, do it like that one store in Rothenburg ob der Tauber in Germany. Granted, that one is a store that focuses on selling christmas stuff *all year long*. But then, it wouldn't be a special season where costumers can be milked. But that's only my unpopular opinion about that matter.
New Years Plan I also have, gonna visit some friends after a long time all the way down in switzerland. I... have no clue when the last time was I was down there. So I am looking forward to seeing them again.
And lastly, a christmas raffle from the guy that hates christmas, kinda ironic, isn't it? Since this isn't your typical "X Watcher Raffle", everyone gets the same chances (at least those that read this far). If you want to participate, make sure that you watch me and simply comment below this journal what you think about christmas. On the 24th 10pm CET I'll draw 2 winners. Price will be an art piece paid by me (limit per is 200 USD). You can share this journal if you want to, but keep in mind that it wont give you additional chances to win this raffle. So in that regard, I wish everyone good luck!
November Update
Posted 2 years agoWhelp, guess I’m gonna use the journal feature more. Monthly updates about myself and plans? I don’t know if I will follow through or what I make about it.
Guess it’s just a general place to talk and such, maybe to hear what others say. But.. let’s see where this is going
So, last month I finally started taking actual therapy at a psychologist. It’s going well so far I’d say, even learned that meditating with calming music is… very stressful to me.
Started to talk to people more often even though I’m more in a « no talking » mood. Maybe I should delete that from my status.
I also discovered Euro Truck Simulator 2 for me, same with F1 23. Contradicting games because in one you go as fast as you can around racetracks (or the hell that is Monaco), while in the other you drive slow and abide to speed limits while delivering freight in time.
Especially the latter is surprisingly relaxing and helps me to clear my mind, something I really needed.
Work also seems to go well, at least my trial period ended on the 31st of October and I didn’t get any notice that I didn’t and I’m still working there (right now in the night), so that’s an upside too.
But enough babbling about the past month - time to look forward to November.
I have a few commissions coming - maybe even one that will introduce a variant of my shapeshifter I’ku. Just prepare to see a long, fluffy body pillow.
Other than that, I’ll have 2 weeks of vacation. But the usual « no plans what to do » so… I feel like I’m working on my second job in ETS2, who knows.
I’m also not too far away from 500 watchers, only 90 people left. Seems like a big gap, dunno when I will reach that milestone. But what I know is, once it’s reached, I’ll hold a raffle again.
So yeah, I guess that’s it for now. Hope you have/had a happy spooky season, and maybe I continue these monthly updates.
See you next time!
Guess it’s just a general place to talk and such, maybe to hear what others say. But.. let’s see where this is going
So, last month I finally started taking actual therapy at a psychologist. It’s going well so far I’d say, even learned that meditating with calming music is… very stressful to me.
Started to talk to people more often even though I’m more in a « no talking » mood. Maybe I should delete that from my status.
I also discovered Euro Truck Simulator 2 for me, same with F1 23. Contradicting games because in one you go as fast as you can around racetracks (or the hell that is Monaco), while in the other you drive slow and abide to speed limits while delivering freight in time.
Especially the latter is surprisingly relaxing and helps me to clear my mind, something I really needed.
Work also seems to go well, at least my trial period ended on the 31st of October and I didn’t get any notice that I didn’t and I’m still working there (right now in the night), so that’s an upside too.
But enough babbling about the past month - time to look forward to November.
I have a few commissions coming - maybe even one that will introduce a variant of my shapeshifter I’ku. Just prepare to see a long, fluffy body pillow.
Other than that, I’ll have 2 weeks of vacation. But the usual « no plans what to do » so… I feel like I’m working on my second job in ETS2, who knows.
I’m also not too far away from 500 watchers, only 90 people left. Seems like a big gap, dunno when I will reach that milestone. But what I know is, once it’s reached, I’ll hold a raffle again.
So yeah, I guess that’s it for now. Hope you have/had a happy spooky season, and maybe I continue these monthly updates.
See you next time!
bsky, wooh...
Posted 2 years agoBlah Blah Blah Bluesky blah blah blah
guess I am in the cool kids club now?
https://bsky.app/profile/takkju.bsky.social
Also, if anyone wants an invite, feel free to visit my server, gonna have a request channel there. Won't be able to fulfill all the requests on my own, maybe some people help me out in that regard. dunno. still think this platform is stupid.
guess I am in the cool kids club now?
https://bsky.app/profile/takkju.bsky.social
Also, if anyone wants an invite, feel free to visit my server, gonna have a request channel there. Won't be able to fulfill all the requests on my own, maybe some people help me out in that regard. dunno. still think this platform is stupid.
Mental health update and some other updates
Posted 2 years agoFirst and foremost, I feel like it’s something I should talk about. Shed some light on, raise awareness. I don’t really know honestly.
Someone you might know it, some don’t. I’ve been through quite the things in my life life and with everything that happened in 2022, I for once looked forward optimistically into the new year 2023. Not knowing what was about to come.
————
Long story short: depression and anxiety both are bitches that stick around even if you don’t want them.
The first event I don’t want to dig into to deep because… despite being told many times how it actually played out, I still feel like it played out differently.
Anxiety. In it’s simplest form, you feel nervous/restless for no reason and there is this sense of impeding danger or even doom.
Danger and doom doesn’t mean something actually life threatening, it can be literally anything. Even minor things like someone you are texting is not responding cause you overthink a lot. You stress out over nothing.
In addition to me not understanding my emotions, why I have them. It resulted in those emotions getting seemingly amplified and bursting out into several outbreaks that affected me quite severely.
I locked myself away from everyone just to avoid anything that could cause more of these outbreaks. I kinda know what it triggered, and knowing I can’t avoid it I just wanted to be alone.
And here depression starts.
My car didn’t pass state inspection because lots of parts that simply wear were just to worn to be deemed safe. Repair cost was estimated to around 2.000€ (my car is from 2003 and had a mileage of around 220.000 km). Had to make a hard decision, and after long thinking I decided to spend the money ang get it repaired.
The very same day extremely bad news struck me: My workplace back then fired me because “there were complaints”. I work as a CNA and no one - neither coworkers nor the residents I took care of could explain why I got fired. So I sat there with a 2k repair bill and soon no job.
I started to isolate myself even more with depression slowly creeping up.
Luckily I found a new job almost instantly, but everything that happened that day… I don’t know.
It still follows me to this day, I don’t know what I did wrong, if they fired me because they didn’t like my nose (can’t even bring it to court cause I was fired in my trial period. They can even fire me without reason and it’d be legit).
I don’t really know what else to say here. My car got repaired and is still driving around, and my new job I got puts me onto new challenges, and I feel that my knowledge is actually valued compared to the previous jobs. So that’s an improvement at least.
But looking back to the first half of the year, especially after seeing the r/thanksimcured subreddit, I have to say one thing:
Both anxiety and depression are, like many other things, “just in your head”, but there’s way more behind both issues that them being “just in your head”.
I still tend to overthink even the most insignificant things, and what outcomes they might have. I still think how current events will play out based on experiences in similar, past events. I get stressed out easily because of that. I know I shouldn’t be stressing you, yet I get back into that circle of overthinking things. It’s nothing that you can just shut off.
As for depression, I feel like the best comparison for someone would be being forced to smile for a picture you don’t want to be in. Waking up in the morning, wanting to fall asleep again because you’re still tired. Yet in the evening for some reason not being able to sleep despite being as tired as in the morning. You want to be left alone, but don’t want to feel alone. I don’t know, it’s a lot of contradicting mindsets that clash at each other, draining your energy, leaving you unmotivated. Even the tiniest things, like going to the restroom, become challenging tasks. I even lost complete interest in things that I loved to do during that time.
You simply just can’t “be happy” or “don’t be sad”. If that’d be solution, we wouldn’t have this mental issues going around…
Both are like a hole you fall into with 90° walls. Easy to fall in, hard to get out. Especially without help.
Even if it’s not much, please be there for people that suffer from these conditions. No one deserves being stranded like this.
————
But now to some more lighthearted updates. And I’d want your opinion on it for some of them.
Firstly, as you may have seen, I have made an OC.
Takkju still will be around. Takkju is more than just an OC or a sona, he *is* me. Therefor I always limited myself in terms of commissions to what I would enjoy and what I would be personally comfortable with.
To give myself some freedom in that regard, I created I‘ku. He‘ll be some sort of testing ground for things I’m not sure of if I will enjoy them or not. Or for things that I want to get but am myself not comfortable with. I don’t know, I’m weird, I don’t make any sense. Just expect some art from him too in the future in different kinds of scenarios!
He‘s your average Black and Blue Wyvern who can shift into different forms, those being a western dragon, an eastern dragon and a drake. He also can change gender, so he cane be either male or female, but not both at once.
Poor little fella didn’t want this and sees it as a curse. And he doesn’t quite have full control over it. But how did that all happen? Well, for that I’ll write a (hopefully not crappy) backstory in the future
Secondly, I want to get back into streaming again. Not art because I’m by far not an artist, but games. My question here is if it’d be alright if I announce those here on FA via a journal/gallery upload that gets deleted once the stream is over.
I see a lot of artists announcing their (granted, art related) streams here on FA. From what I see game streams are fine to be advertised here but I’m bad at legal language (halp).
At this point I’d also like to mention that I have a discord server (which… due to circumstances mentioned above) I kinda neglected. It’s open to anyone and I’m also open to any kinds of improvements there if you suggest something. It was created to be some sort of place to hang out. If you’d like you can join via this link: https://discord.gg/4XZXMYsu9C
Thirdly: if you are still here And reading, you’re awesome and you will receive a voucher for 1 free hug, redeemable anywhere! However, shipping not included! Also, it won’t expire, so make the best use of it! If you however skipped tongues part… this voucher sadly holds no validity and cannot be redeemed.
And please, no comments on my mental health, I’m doing fine for the moment >-<
Someone you might know it, some don’t. I’ve been through quite the things in my life life and with everything that happened in 2022, I for once looked forward optimistically into the new year 2023. Not knowing what was about to come.
————
Long story short: depression and anxiety both are bitches that stick around even if you don’t want them.
The first event I don’t want to dig into to deep because… despite being told many times how it actually played out, I still feel like it played out differently.
Anxiety. In it’s simplest form, you feel nervous/restless for no reason and there is this sense of impeding danger or even doom.
Danger and doom doesn’t mean something actually life threatening, it can be literally anything. Even minor things like someone you are texting is not responding cause you overthink a lot. You stress out over nothing.
In addition to me not understanding my emotions, why I have them. It resulted in those emotions getting seemingly amplified and bursting out into several outbreaks that affected me quite severely.
I locked myself away from everyone just to avoid anything that could cause more of these outbreaks. I kinda know what it triggered, and knowing I can’t avoid it I just wanted to be alone.
And here depression starts.
My car didn’t pass state inspection because lots of parts that simply wear were just to worn to be deemed safe. Repair cost was estimated to around 2.000€ (my car is from 2003 and had a mileage of around 220.000 km). Had to make a hard decision, and after long thinking I decided to spend the money ang get it repaired.
The very same day extremely bad news struck me: My workplace back then fired me because “there were complaints”. I work as a CNA and no one - neither coworkers nor the residents I took care of could explain why I got fired. So I sat there with a 2k repair bill and soon no job.
I started to isolate myself even more with depression slowly creeping up.
Luckily I found a new job almost instantly, but everything that happened that day… I don’t know.
It still follows me to this day, I don’t know what I did wrong, if they fired me because they didn’t like my nose (can’t even bring it to court cause I was fired in my trial period. They can even fire me without reason and it’d be legit).
I don’t really know what else to say here. My car got repaired and is still driving around, and my new job I got puts me onto new challenges, and I feel that my knowledge is actually valued compared to the previous jobs. So that’s an improvement at least.
But looking back to the first half of the year, especially after seeing the r/thanksimcured subreddit, I have to say one thing:
Both anxiety and depression are, like many other things, “just in your head”, but there’s way more behind both issues that them being “just in your head”.
I still tend to overthink even the most insignificant things, and what outcomes they might have. I still think how current events will play out based on experiences in similar, past events. I get stressed out easily because of that. I know I shouldn’t be stressing you, yet I get back into that circle of overthinking things. It’s nothing that you can just shut off.
As for depression, I feel like the best comparison for someone would be being forced to smile for a picture you don’t want to be in. Waking up in the morning, wanting to fall asleep again because you’re still tired. Yet in the evening for some reason not being able to sleep despite being as tired as in the morning. You want to be left alone, but don’t want to feel alone. I don’t know, it’s a lot of contradicting mindsets that clash at each other, draining your energy, leaving you unmotivated. Even the tiniest things, like going to the restroom, become challenging tasks. I even lost complete interest in things that I loved to do during that time.
You simply just can’t “be happy” or “don’t be sad”. If that’d be solution, we wouldn’t have this mental issues going around…
Both are like a hole you fall into with 90° walls. Easy to fall in, hard to get out. Especially without help.
Even if it’s not much, please be there for people that suffer from these conditions. No one deserves being stranded like this.
————
But now to some more lighthearted updates. And I’d want your opinion on it for some of them.
Firstly, as you may have seen, I have made an OC.
Takkju still will be around. Takkju is more than just an OC or a sona, he *is* me. Therefor I always limited myself in terms of commissions to what I would enjoy and what I would be personally comfortable with.
To give myself some freedom in that regard, I created I‘ku. He‘ll be some sort of testing ground for things I’m not sure of if I will enjoy them or not. Or for things that I want to get but am myself not comfortable with. I don’t know, I’m weird, I don’t make any sense. Just expect some art from him too in the future in different kinds of scenarios!
He‘s your average Black and Blue Wyvern who can shift into different forms, those being a western dragon, an eastern dragon and a drake. He also can change gender, so he cane be either male or female, but not both at once.
Poor little fella didn’t want this and sees it as a curse. And he doesn’t quite have full control over it. But how did that all happen? Well, for that I’ll write a (hopefully not crappy) backstory in the future
Secondly, I want to get back into streaming again. Not art because I’m by far not an artist, but games. My question here is if it’d be alright if I announce those here on FA via a journal/gallery upload that gets deleted once the stream is over.
I see a lot of artists announcing their (granted, art related) streams here on FA. From what I see game streams are fine to be advertised here but I’m bad at legal language (halp).
At this point I’d also like to mention that I have a discord server (which… due to circumstances mentioned above) I kinda neglected. It’s open to anyone and I’m also open to any kinds of improvements there if you suggest something. It was created to be some sort of place to hang out. If you’d like you can join via this link: https://discord.gg/4XZXMYsu9C
Thirdly: if you are still here And reading, you’re awesome and you will receive a voucher for 1 free hug, redeemable anywhere! However, shipping not included! Also, it won’t expire, so make the best use of it! If you however skipped tongues part… this voucher sadly holds no validity and cannot be redeemed.
And please, no comments on my mental health, I’m doing fine for the moment >-<
[CLOSED] "Volunteers" Needed! [NSFW]
Posted 2 years agoALRIGHTY
A few months later than originally planned, we're about ready to get a cast for our "hottest attraction in town" idea, and we need "volunteers"!
Here's the short version of it:
> ...imagine those "test your strength" fair attractions, but the contestants try to take as much of our cocks as possible instead. [Refer to this piece for a visual reference ]
> We [ billeur_entropy and I] would be sitting up in a "human-like" manner, tools on display - one or two people "testing their might" on each of us (3-4 total), and then a few more (2-3) characters waiting anxiously in line. Possibly, we will add one or two getting off the ride, happy / drooling / dripping.
If you are interested, you are likely looking at a maximum of 25USD, though obviously, we might have to draw who gets the "choice seats" here :p
Artist will be
mirekay - Here's an older example of his work.
You can let either of us know if you're interested! We will be creating a Discord channel on our server to discuss the idea!
A few months later than originally planned, we're about ready to get a cast for our "hottest attraction in town" idea, and we need "volunteers"!
Here's the short version of it:
> ...imagine those "test your strength" fair attractions, but the contestants try to take as much of our cocks as possible instead. [Refer to this piece for a visual reference ]
> We [
billeur_entropy and I] would be sitting up in a "human-like" manner, tools on display - one or two people "testing their might" on each of us (3-4 total), and then a few more (2-3) characters waiting anxiously in line. Possibly, we will add one or two getting off the ride, happy / drooling / dripping.If you are interested, you are likely looking at a maximum of 25USD, though obviously, we might have to draw who gets the "choice seats" here :p
Artist will be
mirekay - Here's an older example of his work.You can let either of us know if you're interested! We will be creating a Discord channel on our server to discuss the idea!
Raffle Winners..?
Posted 2 years agoAAAAAND a bit belated, but I have drawn the Winners of the Raffle!
But wait... Winners?
Since I got so many new watchers (thanks alot for everyone who is new!), I decided to draw a second winner!
And those winners are...
Salazeena-Garnetta
and
roadd
Congratulations to both to you!
Please contact me via a Note, through Discord or Telegram, whichever you prefer.
As for the next raffle, let's double the numbers! At 500 watchers, the next raffle will be held >:3
I'll try to come back to you as soon as possible!
Again, thanks to all who have participated, and with the new year having started here, I wish all of you a happy new year!
But wait... Winners?
Since I got so many new watchers (thanks alot for everyone who is new!), I decided to draw a second winner!
And those winners are...
Salazeena-Garnettaand
roaddCongratulations to both to you!
Please contact me via a Note, through Discord or Telegram, whichever you prefer.
As for the next raffle, let's double the numbers! At 500 watchers, the next raffle will be held >:3
I'll try to come back to you as soon as possible!
Again, thanks to all who have participated, and with the new year having started here, I wish all of you a happy new year!
[CLOSED] 250 Watchers...? 2500 Favs...? ...RAFFLE TIME
Posted 3 years agoIt's been a long journey - and it finally happeend: Not only did I hit 250 Watchers, but also 2500 Favs (well, almost but... let's call it rounding error until that number is actually reached)
A big Thank You to everyone!
What better way to celebrate this than... with a Raffle!
Price will be a piece of art with me, on my cost.
Again - Everything I like can basically be found in my galliery, and I am open to discuss other stuff with you. Just have a few ideas handy that can be discussed!
Also, if you have a certain artist in mind, please let me know so I can try to accomodate that too! If not, we can find someone together!
Participation is simple:
Watch me and leave a comment on thos journal! New watchers are also welcome!
Unlike last time, I will go the standard route and give you a number. Last time was just.... a bit too convoluted to deal with.
If you want to recieve an extra number, you also can share this journal in one of your own! Just make sure to put a link to said journal in your comment!
I will draw the winner on the 1st of January, 2023 at 12:00 am CET, just in time for the new year!The year 2022 - and beyond
Posted 3 years agoBack in 2020 I created this account as a remplacement for my old one - so that I can easily use the same username everywhere.
But… I never came around to upload all the stuff here on FA.
Until… my lovely second brain cell kicked my butt and helped me managing my FA account.
Which ended up in bringing me close to 250 watchers by the time of this writing - aaaalmost time for another raffle!
Alongside, I started learn French. Having someone special in a different country where the spoken language is neither German (my native language) nor English, more…. Language skills are required. Even though it’s a chore sometimes (inconsistently and many, many WHYYYs), it’s actually kinda fun learning. But due to other circumstances I didn’t progress as fast as I wanted to.
I even got to visit him two times, and I enjoy the time around him - as limited as it is. Not quite easy if there is an oversized pond that calls itself the « Atlantic Ocean » in between us, but it’s manageable.
Billeur_entropy really lightened up this year for me and I’m eternally grateful for it!
But with the good things also comes a fair share of bad things - for me it was mainly work.
For those who don’t know, I work as a CNA in a nursing home in Germany. I also mostly did night shifts there with a few exceptions - but more on that later.
Ever since I started there, there was a lack of personnel - which back at that time wasn’t really a big deal. But over the time, it got worse and worse, and everything changed at the end of last year when our old head nurse resigned and someone who has no clue how to properly treat their employees got that position.
If we needed days off, it was a gamble if we got them or not, we got our schedules for the following months only a few days before the current month ended, so we could barely plan ahead.
With my shifts I got really lucky since I was one of the few who did nights, but every now and then our new head nurse tried to sneak in a morning shift (disclaimer: speak to me before I am awake and you will face your greatest enemy). Then in august we got a new head nurse, and things started to change for the better.
Until she also resigned for various reasons that are way too complicated to explain.
So the head nurse from before got the position back and…
Flipped everything on its head.
Schedules were written in a way that were just infuriating. People got shifts they didn’t like, had to work every weekend, got late shift to morning shift (effective break from work of 10 hours).
And Night Shift slowly got overloaded with work, while not providing more people.
We got a few leasing nurses for the night, who then only had one night of training (while everyone said, at least 4 are needed, since that RN is alone with at best 2 CNAs or at worst 1 nursing assistant).
It got dangerous and… the general mood wasn’t the best.
And then the cherry on top: no one is allowed to make nights only, and we also have to do morning and late shifts.
At this point, my contract was ending at the 30th of November and it set my decision to not renew it.
I was on the verge of having a burnout in the middle of the month and simply called in sick to get some rest before starting my new work. Even going so far delaying the start by 2 weeks to get a bit more rest before starting to work again.
I know for certain that things at the new place will be much, much better. One of my former colleagues also works there and he’s praising it for the most part.
In a nutshell, an eventful year!
Makes me wonder: what will 2023 bring? One big thing for sure!
And no matter how hard it will be, I know I have people I can rely on, that will help me to continue walking forward.
And that, I’m thankful for.
But… I never came around to upload all the stuff here on FA.
Until… my lovely second brain cell kicked my butt and helped me managing my FA account.
Which ended up in bringing me close to 250 watchers by the time of this writing - aaaalmost time for another raffle!
Alongside, I started learn French. Having someone special in a different country where the spoken language is neither German (my native language) nor English, more…. Language skills are required. Even though it’s a chore sometimes (inconsistently and many, many WHYYYs), it’s actually kinda fun learning. But due to other circumstances I didn’t progress as fast as I wanted to.
I even got to visit him two times, and I enjoy the time around him - as limited as it is. Not quite easy if there is an oversized pond that calls itself the « Atlantic Ocean » in between us, but it’s manageable.
Billeur_entropy really lightened up this year for me and I’m eternally grateful for it!
But with the good things also comes a fair share of bad things - for me it was mainly work.
For those who don’t know, I work as a CNA in a nursing home in Germany. I also mostly did night shifts there with a few exceptions - but more on that later.
Ever since I started there, there was a lack of personnel - which back at that time wasn’t really a big deal. But over the time, it got worse and worse, and everything changed at the end of last year when our old head nurse resigned and someone who has no clue how to properly treat their employees got that position.
If we needed days off, it was a gamble if we got them or not, we got our schedules for the following months only a few days before the current month ended, so we could barely plan ahead.
With my shifts I got really lucky since I was one of the few who did nights, but every now and then our new head nurse tried to sneak in a morning shift (disclaimer: speak to me before I am awake and you will face your greatest enemy). Then in august we got a new head nurse, and things started to change for the better.
Until she also resigned for various reasons that are way too complicated to explain.
So the head nurse from before got the position back and…
Flipped everything on its head.
Schedules were written in a way that were just infuriating. People got shifts they didn’t like, had to work every weekend, got late shift to morning shift (effective break from work of 10 hours).
And Night Shift slowly got overloaded with work, while not providing more people.
We got a few leasing nurses for the night, who then only had one night of training (while everyone said, at least 4 are needed, since that RN is alone with at best 2 CNAs or at worst 1 nursing assistant).
It got dangerous and… the general mood wasn’t the best.
And then the cherry on top: no one is allowed to make nights only, and we also have to do morning and late shifts.
At this point, my contract was ending at the 30th of November and it set my decision to not renew it.
I was on the verge of having a burnout in the middle of the month and simply called in sick to get some rest before starting my new work. Even going so far delaying the start by 2 weeks to get a bit more rest before starting to work again.
I know for certain that things at the new place will be much, much better. One of my former colleagues also works there and he’s praising it for the most part.
In a nutshell, an eventful year!
Makes me wonder: what will 2023 bring? One big thing for sure!
And no matter how hard it will be, I know I have people I can rely on, that will help me to continue walking forward.
And that, I’m thankful for.
Not mine, but raffle from a noodle!
Posted 3 years agoCheck it out here (as you absolutely should >:3):
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10397740/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10397740/
[CLOSED] YCH featuring me!
Posted 3 years ago
~Rival~ and me planned a plan: a little YCH on the more acrobatic side of things! We just need a willing prey to help with things~
You can go check it out here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49734114/
Raffle Winner!
Posted 3 years agoAnd it's done, the Random number has beed drawn.
The RNGoddes decided, the closest to 284 shall be the winner, and that one is...
totodile2064!
Well, since I am slowly creeping my way up the ladder, the next raffle will be done at 250 watchers.
See you next time!
The RNGoddes decided, the closest to 284 shall be the winner, and that one is...
totodile2064!Well, since I am slowly creeping my way up the ladder, the next raffle will be done at 250 watchers.
See you next time!
[CLOSED] …150 Watchers?
Posted 3 years agoWow, completely missed 100 watchers and am now at 150.
Honestly I’m kinda baffled that I even reached such a milestone but… here we are now. Sitting at 150!
So… what better way to celebrate this than with…
A Raffle!
Yep. I’m doing a raffle! The winner will receive a piece with me if their choice! If you want to know what if he up to, simply look through my gallery, it’ll give you a good idea! If you’re still unsure, simply contact me and ask. And no worries, I won’t bite you for wild ideas!
Both SFW and NSFW ideas are possible and welcomed!
But now to the hardest part: participating.
It’s simple, be a watcher (old or new, doesn’t matter) and comment with a number between 1 and 1000.
Entry ends 14 days from the time this journal got posted. I then will draw a random number and the one closest to it will win!
Good luck to everyone participating!
Honestly I’m kinda baffled that I even reached such a milestone but… here we are now. Sitting at 150!
So… what better way to celebrate this than with…
A Raffle!
Yep. I’m doing a raffle! The winner will receive a piece with me if their choice! If you want to know what if he up to, simply look through my gallery, it’ll give you a good idea! If you’re still unsure, simply contact me and ask. And no worries, I won’t bite you for wild ideas!
Both SFW and NSFW ideas are possible and welcomed!
But now to the hardest part: participating.
It’s simple, be a watcher (old or new, doesn’t matter) and comment with a number between 1 and 1000.
Entry ends 14 days from the time this journal got posted. I then will draw a random number and the one closest to it will win!
Good luck to everyone participating!
Upload Spree
Posted 3 years agoWEEEEEEEH
It has finally been done, all the art I have commissioned over the past 5 years are finally on my userpage.
My userpage is finally no longer in that ugly "Gonna do that soon" state!
Now no one will get spammed with my art uploads anymore xD
And huge thanks to billeur_entropy for helping me out in that regard (and kicking my lazy butt), love ya <3~
It has finally been done, all the art I have commissioned over the past 5 years are finally on my userpage.
My userpage is finally no longer in that ugly "Gonna do that soon" state!
Now no one will get spammed with my art uploads anymore xD
And huge thanks to
billeur_entropy for helping me out in that regard (and kicking my lazy butt), love ya <3~