This year was weird, I found a place of balance a little, I settled happily into the most comfortable job. I'm okay, not perfect not everything I wanted but okay. I'm not stopping, I'm not giving up on love or finding happiness with someone I will love so dearly. So come dance with me, come belt out those lyrics, come see what was and what will be. Don't cry because it's over, just smile because it was. You are always so magical...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJoAmrR_-4

Another year, 37 to be exact.

I have a great life, I work from home, I have my pets, I own my home.

My birthday passed quietly, I looked at my flowers and they made me happy. The fiesta hibiscus was in bloom and the orchids too.

Guess i'll go get my morning coffee. See you next year dreamer.

~Moo

Another year passing.

As I quietly pull out the lights and ornaments that I so fondly remember I am hit by a dream and a pain that never seems to go away.

I endure it quietly, look fondly at the drawing of serenity that graces my wall and let the hurt melt away. I miss you some days.

I hope the holidays are wonderful for everyone.

~Moo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRRnqqQZcjA

Missing those I love so deeply... Hoping one day they come back and stay.

Sometimes it feels like I have no control over the people who I can feel affection for and love. Because I keep losing them and it hurts so much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH18coS7c9E

Sometimes you wake up from a dream of someone so vivid you grasp for it as the strands of vision fade away, as you come to reality in a shock.

A dream of finding you coming home in the weirdest way, a dream of us finally talking, a dream of us embracing after so much pain, a dream.

I still think about what could of been, I still wish we had tried.

I love you, regardless of where we both end up, I love you Tigerlily, and always will.

~Moo

It's been years... funny how the cycle repeats itself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxxstCcJlsc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA

Love will always be here... always...

It has been a fair number of months, life has been good with work being solid but busy and my love life being new and refreshing. I still ack over the loss of the person I love but my partner understands that and has her own. We both love each other and she respects my love for my Ex.

I hope you are well if you read this Tiger... I still think of you, as long as you are happy that's what matters. I miss having you in my life.

Another year passes, two birthdays I will always recall and celebrate. My own and someone I loved... If only the travel was as bitter sweet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-HOQ27QEM

I believe we all have choices and we all have control over our lives, we may not choose who we become, but we choose where we go.

Love those around you when they are there, love them when they go...
Never give up on what and who you love, whether that's art, music, people, travel, or someone special.

You were my everything and though you are gone I will always hold love for you. It hurts knowing I was used, it hurts knowing I was just replaced by someone else, and even so I still loved you deeply. To me it was real, to me it was fulfilling and loving, and though it is torture... you keep dancing in my mind. I hope you are happy with where you are, because the real tragedy would be if you weren't, You were everything to me Tigerlily.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxxstCcJlsc

Another year alone with Valentines day fast approaching... Funny how it is, I cherished these special days.

I cherished them because they were one of the sure things, one of the sure days I got to spend with someone I loved. Now it's just a reminder, returning back from another trip to an empty home.

I miss my mate.

Ever since I started my new job traveling I've been kind of tired but nothing is more tiring than visiting a place you wanted to visit with someone you cared deeply for.

I always said I wanted to go out to California to see the coast, go snowboarding in Tahoe again, but as I sat there on the coast watching the waves crash and the wind blowing all I could think of was wishing you were there.

Guess I'll enjoy the wonderful weather while I'm here before I leave to return back to Florida Thursday, I do miss what I lost... but all I can do is continue stepping forward, wish we had the opportunity to travel and see all the things and enjoy the freedom I always wanted for you.

Another trip down... So tired from travel.

Wish I could just curl up in someone's arms for once.

I just finished playing Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice... It explores the ideas of mental illness, loss, fear, pain and how all of it can affect and destroy you.

I empathize with a lot of what the game conveys, I know how a lot of the hurt, the pain can affect us.


The ending song is one of those songs that I will probably be stuck listening to for a while... I miss what I lost, I accept that I lost it, but gods do I wish I could get it back. I still love, I still care, I'm still alive and even with a pain that never leaves me I keep walking forward one step at a time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whV-gi9Fb4A

Another NPR music find... Such a meaningful song to me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiPUv4kXzvw

Freaking awesome ;3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_plih5b9To

Threw on Phil Collins into the pandora box today... and out came this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsPFZ-p4T84

Second time this week I've run into this... first a meme that talked about being so in love with a girl that other women are not attractive anymore.

For years, I said the same thing, "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes"


I don't know why but no matter how good my work is, how much free time I have, how much time I spend with my friends, working on projects, working on myself through things like trying to lose weight... I know what I cared about, I knew who I loved. Nothing has changed...

Nice to have started my new job today, the company is ultra chill, the hours are 9-4 and flipflops and shorts is the dress code. It's nice to have a new position, I'll be traveling and working from home the rest of the time.

Other than that just memories of the past constantly haunting me, thoughts and pains of old love. Seems no matter the situation it comes back around every once in a while, missing, old love, and the pain of it.

Either way, glad that things are looking a little better.

Funny... how I start watching this anime and it finds itself so relevant to my life. The premise, to send a text message to the past through a microwave, but it radically changes the world.

I can think of only one thing I would change in my life... One choice I would of made to fix everything wrong...

Funny how the rain just breaks me... I miss the summer days next to the one I loved staring at the rain...

I'm so tired and broken... I just wanted more than anything to talk...

Came on this morning... Doesn't matter how long it's been this song breaks me... How I wished for the end to be my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxxstCcJlsc

Another year past... nothing has changed... I'm still alone...

Alcohol doesn't drown out the pain of it. Projects don't cover it up. I'm exhausted and tired from lack of sleep and when I do sleep it isn't restful... bad dreams...


I just want the parts of my life that made me truly happy back.


Edit: Something I saw this morning... truest words...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S9E0MVteEc