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MOVING ART ACCOUNTS!!!
Posted 9 years agoTo DJ_L0JIK. Just sos I can have a clean slate. ^-^
The Dream Calls
Posted 10 years agoI had that Dream again...
The Voice kept telling me to stop them from taking them away.
The fear in the Voice is chilling and it freezes me in my tracks within the Dream.
The Darkness encroaches upon me at this point. The Voice is all around me, now.
Don't let them take me away.
It calls my name. My heart breaks and my eyes fill with tears.
Then, I wake. I see Roy sleeping in his cocoon sleeping sack nearby... The Body slumbers
beneath me... And the Night is quiet.
Was it a Dream? Was this the Past? Will it be the Future?
The Dream calls to me... It shows me the Path. It guides me like the Stars at Night.
I, once again, long for the Dream.
The Voice kept telling me to stop them from taking them away.
The fear in the Voice is chilling and it freezes me in my tracks within the Dream.
The Darkness encroaches upon me at this point. The Voice is all around me, now.
Don't let them take me away.
It calls my name. My heart breaks and my eyes fill with tears.
Then, I wake. I see Roy sleeping in his cocoon sleeping sack nearby... The Body slumbers
beneath me... And the Night is quiet.
Was it a Dream? Was this the Past? Will it be the Future?
The Dream calls to me... It shows me the Path. It guides me like the Stars at Night.
I, once again, long for the Dream.
Anthrocon 2015
Posted 10 years agoWhere are you staying?
's mobile slave cage. xD
What day are you getting there?
Thursday mornin'
How are you traveling?
PT Cruiser.
Who will you be rooming with?
and friends who I'm not sure if have an FA or not
How is the best way to find you?
Look for
in the Shaman Techium suit (skunk with staff)
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Perhaps...
What do you look like?
Black hair, glasses, skunk tail with red stripe.
Will you be suiting?
Yeah. Gonna be representing
fuzzbuttfursuits in my Techium Suit by them.
What is your gender?
Male
How tall are you?
5'8"?
Can I talk to you?
Why not? Well... Unless Kiaran's gonna be a hard ass.
Can I touch you?
Umm... Sure? O~O
Can I visit your room?
Not my room, not my rules.
Can I buy you drinks?
Booze is Kiaran's department. We'll see who's in control before that.
Can I give you stuff?
Then I'd feel bad and get you more stuff.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are nice. 'Nuggles are okay if you ask maybes.
Are you nice?
I'm not nice? Q3Q
How long are you going?
All till Monday? Or whenever I need to leave.
Will you be going to parties?
Perhaps... Kiaran's the party goer. He doesn't do much, though.
Will you be preforming?
Perhaps bringing oracle cards... The spirits may deem it fun.
If I see you, how do I get your attention?
Usually Tech or Kiaran or Ki works.
Where will you be during most of the day?
In my suit
What and where will you be eating?
Subway sounds cheap and relatively healthy?
Can I come with you for food, fun, etc.?
Sure? But I'll probably be eating fast...
Can I take your picture?
Definitely! Link back to
Do you do free art?
I can no arts...
Do you do trades?
See above.
Do you do commissions?
See above the above...
What are you goals at AC this year?
Be at AC. Enjoy life. Win at things.
's mobile slave cage. xDWhat day are you getting there?
Thursday mornin'
How are you traveling?
PT Cruiser.
Who will you be rooming with?
and friends who I'm not sure if have an FA or notHow is the best way to find you?
Look for
in the Shaman Techium suit (skunk with staff)Are there any panels you might be attending?
Perhaps...
What do you look like?
Black hair, glasses, skunk tail with red stripe.
Will you be suiting?
Yeah. Gonna be representing
fuzzbuttfursuits in my Techium Suit by them.What is your gender?
Male
How tall are you?
5'8"?
Can I talk to you?
Why not? Well... Unless Kiaran's gonna be a hard ass.
Can I touch you?
Umm... Sure? O~O
Can I visit your room?
Not my room, not my rules.
Can I buy you drinks?
Booze is Kiaran's department. We'll see who's in control before that.
Can I give you stuff?
Then I'd feel bad and get you more stuff.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are nice. 'Nuggles are okay if you ask maybes.
Are you nice?
I'm not nice? Q3Q
How long are you going?
All till Monday? Or whenever I need to leave.
Will you be going to parties?
Perhaps... Kiaran's the party goer. He doesn't do much, though.
Will you be preforming?
Perhaps bringing oracle cards... The spirits may deem it fun.
If I see you, how do I get your attention?
Usually Tech or Kiaran or Ki works.
Where will you be during most of the day?
In my suit
What and where will you be eating?
Subway sounds cheap and relatively healthy?
Can I come with you for food, fun, etc.?
Sure? But I'll probably be eating fast...
Can I take your picture?
Definitely! Link back to
Do you do free art?
I can no arts...
Do you do trades?
See above.
Do you do commissions?
See above the above...
What are you goals at AC this year?
Be at AC. Enjoy life. Win at things.
DramaCon: MCFC
Posted 10 years agoThe title says it all. Why does con drama only ever happen to me? I've no clue, let alone an
answer. But at this point, it doesn't really matter much... It's all said and done. And, when I
look back and boil it down, it all just seems to put me on the chopping block with no chances
to defend myself...
It's not like anyone wants me to defend myself, anyway. I don't have that kind of support.
~Kiaran Shadowbolt
answer. But at this point, it doesn't really matter much... It's all said and done. And, when I
look back and boil it down, it all just seems to put me on the chopping block with no chances
to defend myself...
It's not like anyone wants me to defend myself, anyway. I don't have that kind of support.
~Kiaran Shadowbolt
CONVENTION GOER TECHIUM!!
Posted 10 years agoHey watchers~!!
-listens to the cricket in the back corner-
I'm at Motor City Furry Con!!
-more cricket noises-
Yeah!! You can find me around with a staff!! Feel free to say hello!!
I'm shy but I'm also super friendly. And I'll also be playing DDR.
-the cricket left-
See you 'round!!]
~Techium
-listens to the cricket in the back corner-
I'm at Motor City Furry Con!!
-more cricket noises-
Yeah!! You can find me around with a staff!! Feel free to say hello!!
I'm shy but I'm also super friendly. And I'll also be playing DDR.
-the cricket left-
See you 'round!!]
~Techium
Because Liability.
Posted 10 years agoThis post is to henceforth give due notice and regard to the proprietor known as IMVU. Any material on my page including but not limited to artwork, stories, journals, and all other intellectual material is under copyright to myself and to the rightful artist. Any material posted onto the FurAffinity website prior to 19 March 2015 is protected by the original ToS agreement to use of this site and no material will be redistributed or used without my legal authorization. At any time the new owners of this website alter the original ToS agreement to meet their own cooperate goals the material preexisting to the acquisition will not be used in any IMVU based sites or programs without mine or the artists legal authorization.
In the event any of my intellectual copyrighted material is redistributed on any source outside of FurAffinity you will be in clear violation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and will be ordered to remove it from any source outside of FurAffinity or face legal charges of copyright infringement.
Anyone is free to repost this on their page.
In the event any of my intellectual copyrighted material is redistributed on any source outside of FurAffinity you will be in clear violation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and will be ordered to remove it from any source outside of FurAffinity or face legal charges of copyright infringement.
Anyone is free to repost this on their page.
Motor City Fur Con (StuffAndThings)
Posted 10 years agoWhere are you staying?
With family.
What day are you getting there?
Thursday
Who are you rooming with?
Family =3=
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Umm... Lonely? xD
How can I find you?
DDR or Dealer's Den
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Dunno... Maybe? Probably just gonna play DDR all the time.
Are you attending any stage or public performances?
Probably the charity auction.
Will you be suiting?
I hope so, Tech wants to.
Which suits are you bringing?
Dunno yet.
Do you draw?
Nope.
Are you taking commissions or trades?
Nope...
How old are you?
Twenty.
How tall are you?
Unfortunately, I'm five-eightish...
Can I talk to you?
If Kiaran isn't gonna be a jerk, sure.
Can I touch you?
Uhh... Wut? xD
Can I visit your room?
No!! I'm staying at home!!
Can I buy you drinks?
If you can guess what I like. Sure.
Can I give you stuff?
Only after I compensate. Equivalent Exchange.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Err... No?
What’s your goal for the con this year?
DDR
Are you nice?
I am, Phen is, Kiaran (Ki) isn't. Watch the badges to see who's in control.
How long are you going?
All the days!!
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Tap mah shoulder.
Where will you be most of the time during the day?
Yurps.
What and where will you be eating?
Dunno. Noodles and Company is guud.
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc.?
DDR
Can I look in your sketchbook?
I can't draw things... QnQ
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
I don't have the thing...
Can I take your picture?
Maybe? Ask first.
With family.
What day are you getting there?
Thursday
Who are you rooming with?
Family =3=
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Umm... Lonely? xD
How can I find you?
DDR or Dealer's Den
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Dunno... Maybe? Probably just gonna play DDR all the time.
Are you attending any stage or public performances?
Probably the charity auction.
Will you be suiting?
I hope so, Tech wants to.
Which suits are you bringing?
Dunno yet.
Do you draw?
Nope.
Are you taking commissions or trades?
Nope...
How old are you?
Twenty.
How tall are you?
Unfortunately, I'm five-eightish...
Can I talk to you?
If Kiaran isn't gonna be a jerk, sure.
Can I touch you?
Uhh... Wut? xD
Can I visit your room?
No!! I'm staying at home!!
Can I buy you drinks?
If you can guess what I like. Sure.
Can I give you stuff?
Only after I compensate. Equivalent Exchange.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Err... No?
What’s your goal for the con this year?
DDR
Are you nice?
I am, Phen is, Kiaran (Ki) isn't. Watch the badges to see who's in control.
How long are you going?
All the days!!
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Tap mah shoulder.
Where will you be most of the time during the day?
Yurps.
What and where will you be eating?
Dunno. Noodles and Company is guud.
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc.?
DDR
Can I look in your sketchbook?
I can't draw things... QnQ
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
I don't have the thing...
Can I take your picture?
Maybe? Ask first.
MCFC And Me (A Guide to hating Dragons)
Posted 10 years agoI'm going to Motor City Fur Con at the end of the month, so... Just look for a misanthropist walking around with wings.
Maybe a blue, black and white tail... Perhaps a fursuit. I dunno.
Maybe a blue, black and white tail... Perhaps a fursuit. I dunno.
Youmacon this month~!
Posted 11 years agoReaders:
So... I'll be going to Youmacon during Halloween weekend.
My cosplay?
Thursday, just me. Playing my saxophone and picking up
my badge.
Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I'll be Saxophone Zuko.
Going around being the banished prince of the Fire Nation.
If you see me, feel free to say hello. I'm pretty friendly, I
think.
~Tech
So... I'll be going to Youmacon during Halloween weekend.
My cosplay?
Thursday, just me. Playing my saxophone and picking up
my badge.
Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I'll be Saxophone Zuko.
Going around being the banished prince of the Fire Nation.
If you see me, feel free to say hello. I'm pretty friendly, I
think.
~Tech
No Subject
Posted 11 years agoSo... I started playing again...
Posted 11 years agoEden Eternal...
Yeah...
Ask if you can be friends and I'll probably note my character name. ^^;
Yeah...
Ask if you can be friends and I'll probably note my character name. ^^;
Because, like I said, who reads these anyways?
Posted 12 years ago"You think too much. Stop thinking and just do."
I hear these words too much. There's nothing wrong with thinking. Really there isn't. Thinking helps me cope with the bullshit that I have to call my life in a shell. In a shell? What does he mean by "In a shell?" Well, I'll tell you.
I'm a Dreamkeeper. My kind doesn't exist on Earth or in this Universe. Hell, we shouldn't exist in this Universe. But here I am... Existing in the shell of the Human I represent in the Dreamworld... Fuck, right? You must be just trippin' some major balls, right?
Wrong. I'm not trippin' major balls. I'm just... Me. A me that had to suffer nineteen years of bullshit left and right, above and below, to the front and from the back. On all fuckin' sides...
I'm so exhausted... Like everything I do is literally pointless. Really.
I'm a friend. Now I'm an enemy. Oh look, friend again. Up and down and up and down again. I swear to my goddess, Serapis... Does anyone. ANYONE!? even care about me?... Me personally?... How I feel?...
No. No, no, no. Not now, not in a million years, not ever. Because why? Because I don't fucking deserve it because of bullshit that wasnt' even my goddamned fault.
Yeah. That's right. Bullshit that wasn't even my fault.
But whatever. No one's gonna read these anyway. On here? I'm just your average guy doing average things. Average life.
Masakit, alam mo. Feeling ganitong paraan. Mapagmahal ang isang tao na hindi kahit na pag-aalaga. Pagiging kinasusuklaman ng mga tao na gusto mong protektahan sa bawat onsa ng iyong pagkatao ng diyablo... Ito ay fucking bobo... Ganap na walang kahulugan, kung ano ako ng paggawa. Gusto kong itigil. Gusto kong itigil ang lahat ng bagay ako ng paggawa at lamang... Lang huminga. Dumaan sa aking kapaligiran at huminga.
Ano ang mabuting ay tae gawin sa akin kung hindi ko maintindihan ito, tama? I-right... Anuman ang... Hindi ito bang sinuman lalo na nagmamalasakit kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin, kaya hangga't ang mga ito ay masaya at ang kanilang mga kasintahan o lover ay masaya. At kanilang pamilya masyadong. Magkantot mga tao na mapoot nila, tama?
Isa akong Dragon... Aking mga ka- uri para sa buhay. Para sa. Buhay. At ako ay nagkaroon ng isang mag-asawa sa sandaling... Ako mahal sa kanya. Ang ibig pag-ibig niya sa akin? Hindi ko alam. Tila hindi, nakakakita siya bilang wala na ang aking asawa. Ngunit kahit anong. Nabigo ako... Nabigo ako at siya nawala ngayon. Hindi ninakaw. Nawala. Ang babae kong mahal Naglaho nang walang trace, umaalis sa likod ng isang tao... Isang taong katulad ngunit hindi kanya.
Ako ay nag-iisa sa mundong ito. Me, Kiaran Shadowbolt. Am nag-iisa ito sa diyos-tinalikdan mundo. Bakit? Dahil walang sinuman ang may alam pero sa akin, kung ano ito ay tulad lang ang tanging isa sa iyong mga uri sa exsitence.
Oo naman. Oo naman may mga yaong "magpanggap" na maging tulad ng sa akin. Sila "magpanggap" upang maunawaan o pag-aalaga. Ngunit hindi nila. Sila lamang, ilagay sa isang fucking mask. At kapag ang mga ito sa paligid ng mga taong kilala ang mga ito ay hindi nagkagusto sa akin, kumuha sila ng mask off.
Ako ay mag-isa out dito... Magkantot sa lahat ng tao...
I hear these words too much. There's nothing wrong with thinking. Really there isn't. Thinking helps me cope with the bullshit that I have to call my life in a shell. In a shell? What does he mean by "In a shell?" Well, I'll tell you.
I'm a Dreamkeeper. My kind doesn't exist on Earth or in this Universe. Hell, we shouldn't exist in this Universe. But here I am... Existing in the shell of the Human I represent in the Dreamworld... Fuck, right? You must be just trippin' some major balls, right?
Wrong. I'm not trippin' major balls. I'm just... Me. A me that had to suffer nineteen years of bullshit left and right, above and below, to the front and from the back. On all fuckin' sides...
I'm so exhausted... Like everything I do is literally pointless. Really.
I'm a friend. Now I'm an enemy. Oh look, friend again. Up and down and up and down again. I swear to my goddess, Serapis... Does anyone. ANYONE!? even care about me?... Me personally?... How I feel?...
No. No, no, no. Not now, not in a million years, not ever. Because why? Because I don't fucking deserve it because of bullshit that wasnt' even my goddamned fault.
Yeah. That's right. Bullshit that wasn't even my fault.
But whatever. No one's gonna read these anyway. On here? I'm just your average guy doing average things. Average life.
~~~~~Masakit, alam mo. Feeling ganitong paraan. Mapagmahal ang isang tao na hindi kahit na pag-aalaga. Pagiging kinasusuklaman ng mga tao na gusto mong protektahan sa bawat onsa ng iyong pagkatao ng diyablo... Ito ay fucking bobo... Ganap na walang kahulugan, kung ano ako ng paggawa. Gusto kong itigil. Gusto kong itigil ang lahat ng bagay ako ng paggawa at lamang... Lang huminga. Dumaan sa aking kapaligiran at huminga.
Ano ang mabuting ay tae gawin sa akin kung hindi ko maintindihan ito, tama? I-right... Anuman ang... Hindi ito bang sinuman lalo na nagmamalasakit kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin, kaya hangga't ang mga ito ay masaya at ang kanilang mga kasintahan o lover ay masaya. At kanilang pamilya masyadong. Magkantot mga tao na mapoot nila, tama?
Isa akong Dragon... Aking mga ka- uri para sa buhay. Para sa. Buhay. At ako ay nagkaroon ng isang mag-asawa sa sandaling... Ako mahal sa kanya. Ang ibig pag-ibig niya sa akin? Hindi ko alam. Tila hindi, nakakakita siya bilang wala na ang aking asawa. Ngunit kahit anong. Nabigo ako... Nabigo ako at siya nawala ngayon. Hindi ninakaw. Nawala. Ang babae kong mahal Naglaho nang walang trace, umaalis sa likod ng isang tao... Isang taong katulad ngunit hindi kanya.
Ako ay nag-iisa sa mundong ito. Me, Kiaran Shadowbolt. Am nag-iisa ito sa diyos-tinalikdan mundo. Bakit? Dahil walang sinuman ang may alam pero sa akin, kung ano ito ay tulad lang ang tanging isa sa iyong mga uri sa exsitence.
Oo naman. Oo naman may mga yaong "magpanggap" na maging tulad ng sa akin. Sila "magpanggap" upang maunawaan o pag-aalaga. Ngunit hindi nila. Sila lamang, ilagay sa isang fucking mask. At kapag ang mga ito sa paligid ng mga taong kilala ang mga ito ay hindi nagkagusto sa akin, kumuha sila ng mask off.
Ako ay mag-isa out dito... Magkantot sa lahat ng tao...
Who reads these anyway...
Posted 12 years agoIt was like my blood froze and my muscles turned to crystal.
The feeling was unlike anything I have ever felt before.
It did not feel good. It did not hurt. It just... Felt.
My thoughts were hazy and disconnected. Turning to an icy
slush that I could not even comprehend. Everything about me
seemed to turn absolutely cold. As if I lost the energy to do.
To think.
To be.
I simply stopped existing as I am. I sat there in this frozen
stupor for quite some time. I do not think I will ever recover.
Kiaran and Techium are frozen solid. They felt this chill worse
than I did. They are not gone, simply in a stasis from what I
can gather. Lying dormant in the Archives, awaiting the day I
determine what to do.
But how can I do that? When one whole half of me is missing?
Roy is the healthiest of us all. Sleeping soundly as I type. I...
I will have a hard time explaining to him what has happened...
As it stands, it is myself and Roy that are active. Of the four that
were still active at all.
What should I do?
Where should I go?
When will they come back?
What have I done...Kind of sort of an update? But pshh! No one reads these xD
Posted 12 years agoHeyoh. "Tech" here just checkin' in since I'm back in the dorms
at Western Michigan University. With all the freshmen walking
around trying to scout some girls to score, I find it kind of
funny that myself and my minds are torn between laughing at
them or perhaps taking a lesson from them
Fortunately for me, however, I stumbled on some of my old
quotes from back in the day *cough last two years cough cough*
and I think they give me some pretty good insight on what I
should be doing
IE: Laughing. Having fun being me. And most of all, not succumbing
to basic animal insticts.
"Behold! A testament to the sick animalistic instincts ravaging our very minds... At such young ages, humans lust for the very thing that keeps our race alive, yet we pretend we are above the animals... No! Brothers and Sisters, no... We are only glorified monkeys, our minds only a conscious barrier to the truth... We desire the very thing that we incriminate... Love, Want, Need... The bed is there, grab your chance you children of Satan... Revel within your disgusting instincts..."
~Words of Whateverment
Yes. A very grim, grim quote. I know. But for whatever reason, it
comforts me and gives me some sense of security. As a Dragon
Tamer, I'm not above Humans. Yet, I know more and am much
more in tune with the link between the energy of the universe and
the physical, tangible world.
As such, instincts tend to hinder those senses that allow me to be
on such a level. And the first step to overriding those basic instincts
is to know they're always there, and to push past them when they
rear up to take hold.
I suppose that's enough for today. I've got crazy amounts of stuff
to do. Catch up on some bishojo visual novels, some animes, mangas
as well as some Pokemon and Minecraft.
~Techium Einstein Silver
at Western Michigan University. With all the freshmen walking
around trying to scout some girls to score, I find it kind of
funny that myself and my minds are torn between laughing at
them or perhaps taking a lesson from them
Fortunately for me, however, I stumbled on some of my old
quotes from back in the day *cough last two years cough cough*
and I think they give me some pretty good insight on what I
should be doing
IE: Laughing. Having fun being me. And most of all, not succumbing
to basic animal insticts.
"Behold! A testament to the sick animalistic instincts ravaging our very minds... At such young ages, humans lust for the very thing that keeps our race alive, yet we pretend we are above the animals... No! Brothers and Sisters, no... We are only glorified monkeys, our minds only a conscious barrier to the truth... We desire the very thing that we incriminate... Love, Want, Need... The bed is there, grab your chance you children of Satan... Revel within your disgusting instincts..."
~Words of Whateverment
Yes. A very grim, grim quote. I know. But for whatever reason, it
comforts me and gives me some sense of security. As a Dragon
Tamer, I'm not above Humans. Yet, I know more and am much
more in tune with the link between the energy of the universe and
the physical, tangible world.
As such, instincts tend to hinder those senses that allow me to be
on such a level. And the first step to overriding those basic instincts
is to know they're always there, and to push past them when they
rear up to take hold.
I suppose that's enough for today. I've got crazy amounts of stuff
to do. Catch up on some bishojo visual novels, some animes, mangas
as well as some Pokemon and Minecraft.
~Techium Einstein Silver
Ohaider. Have a poem. ^w^
Posted 12 years agoRunning through the forest leaves.
Frolic in the plains.
Dancing on the seashore.
Feeling free of pain.
My home is clear and free of rain.
And fear, who gives a fuck?
Because Ie've found my happiness.
I thing I near forgot.
You can keep your drama.
Your anger and your distaste.
I'll just keep on dancing.
And live life not in haste.
Sliding down the mountaintops.
Skating on the hills.
Do you know what life you live?
Of that one, I've had my fill.
So much drama, anger, fear.
Doubt and sadness too.
Not the way for the sky to live.
Nor moon and ocean too.
Drop the shackles, understand.
Life isn't just mature.
Cut loose and stay a kid at heart.
Such is the vital cure.
Savor every moment, friend.
Live like today's your last.
Carpè Diem, seize the day.
Because life's too short and fast.
Flying through the fluffy clouds.
Rest in the Everglades.
Will my words reach you both?
Or will you refuse my aid?Slash it open, Stain it red
Posted 12 years agoReaders:
It's been quite some time since I've been on here last. But now that I'm back, I'm planning on writing more chapters on FtSoL. Though I haven't yet submitted all of the finished chapters, I will be doing so in the coming weeks. Umm... What else... Ah! I'll also be writing part 2 of FtSoL. Including another 30 chapters. One of which I am working on as you read this.
Not interested in story? That's completely okay. I'm going to try sculpting some time soon if I can somehow get my hands on some sculpey clay. Baking off some mini statuettes so I can hopefully sell them somewhere or other. That... Or keep them in my dorm room to keep me company through the long and lonely days of collegiate life.
Until my next journal...
~Kiaran
It's been quite some time since I've been on here last. But now that I'm back, I'm planning on writing more chapters on FtSoL. Though I haven't yet submitted all of the finished chapters, I will be doing so in the coming weeks. Umm... What else... Ah! I'll also be writing part 2 of FtSoL. Including another 30 chapters. One of which I am working on as you read this.
Not interested in story? That's completely okay. I'm going to try sculpting some time soon if I can somehow get my hands on some sculpey clay. Baking off some mini statuettes so I can hopefully sell them somewhere or other. That... Or keep them in my dorm room to keep me company through the long and lonely days of collegiate life.
Until my next journal...
~Kiaran
Memories
Posted 12 years ago"Memory is the key..." ~Epsilon (Red vs. Blue)
I am no longer worried or saddened or affected. I am merely intrigued by
the events that transpired through the year between October 27th 2012
and December 27th (I believe?) 2012. I had believed myself to be infatuated
with someone that is now beyond that affection. What intrigues me is not
the fact that I was enthralled by such a "Human" emotion, seeing as I do
not consider myself "Human" at all. Nor is the fact that I spent so much time
struggling to hold on when so obviously this female wished for me to let
go. No, reader. I am intrigued by the fact that memories of this year
between October 27th and December 27th 2012 continue to... I use the
term "haunt" lightly.
Each time one of these memories arises, I am usually listening to a song,
perceiving a thing (such as a drawing or book or other item), or thinking
hard on various aspects of my situation at the given time. All of a sudden,
this memory will appear in my head. It appears as vivid and alive as the
very moment I experienced said memory. Then, as suddenly as it had
appeared, the memory fades. When it fades, it leaves me with a sense
of sadness, longing, or (rarely) happiness and love.
This intrigues me for many reasons, namely: I believe I am still in "love"
with this female, regardless of how she feels about me. Do I feel residual
feelings? Perhaps it is a regression to a state of mind in which I was, for
once, truly happy to be alive. That does not feel like an adequate explanation.
Is it because I am likened to that of a lost puppy without such an "emotion"
(if I may call "love" such a thing, seeing as it is a poison)? There are many
hypotheses of why I am still thinking of this female.
One thing, however, is for sure: Memories trigger these residual feelings.
And only when they appear to me randomly and not when I force myself
to remember. This will require more study and experimentation, but I believe
myself to be still under the effects of the poison called "love."
I am no longer worried or saddened or affected. I am merely intrigued by
the events that transpired through the year between October 27th 2012
and December 27th (I believe?) 2012. I had believed myself to be infatuated
with someone that is now beyond that affection. What intrigues me is not
the fact that I was enthralled by such a "Human" emotion, seeing as I do
not consider myself "Human" at all. Nor is the fact that I spent so much time
struggling to hold on when so obviously this female wished for me to let
go. No, reader. I am intrigued by the fact that memories of this year
between October 27th and December 27th 2012 continue to... I use the
term "haunt" lightly.
Each time one of these memories arises, I am usually listening to a song,
perceiving a thing (such as a drawing or book or other item), or thinking
hard on various aspects of my situation at the given time. All of a sudden,
this memory will appear in my head. It appears as vivid and alive as the
very moment I experienced said memory. Then, as suddenly as it had
appeared, the memory fades. When it fades, it leaves me with a sense
of sadness, longing, or (rarely) happiness and love.
This intrigues me for many reasons, namely: I believe I am still in "love"
with this female, regardless of how she feels about me. Do I feel residual
feelings? Perhaps it is a regression to a state of mind in which I was, for
once, truly happy to be alive. That does not feel like an adequate explanation.
Is it because I am likened to that of a lost puppy without such an "emotion"
(if I may call "love" such a thing, seeing as it is a poison)? There are many
hypotheses of why I am still thinking of this female.
One thing, however, is for sure: Memories trigger these residual feelings.
And only when they appear to me randomly and not when I force myself
to remember. This will require more study and experimentation, but I believe
myself to be still under the effects of the poison called "love."
