Well even with all the ot i plugged in (16 hours worth) still wasn't enough for everything,(bills and back rent) So no new phone yet which means haven't been able to talk to my kids yet and still wont be, might have to look in to using my roommates phone which i have been avoiding unless its an emergency. So if anyone reads this journal and my previous one let fern know that im not avoiding anything it just... bills suck ass and back rent and the only one working and such and trying to keeping the place i moved in to a float and not being on the street has really put me in the stretching rack.

Let see as for good news... hmmm *thinks* .... well i've lost more weghit now im in a 44 waist and still be a bit loose on me. walking 3 miles a day almost days a week dose that. uhhhh ooo have someone :Selenakiara: working on a new sona for me so im stoked for that other then that *thinks more* that is it hoping to grab my stuff in a week from the old place and move in to the new one here. Other then that ... nothing to exciting.

Almost been a year like in 4 weeks maybe 5 since i got hit with a 18 wheeler of life.. and just feeling .. the whole I have no one still... not from lack of looking just.. *shakes head* i keep asking my self" who want to be with someone who still is emotionally fucked up, trying to get back on feet trying to get his kids back so being a single dad.. yea who would want to be with me. i heard a few want to but still i mean it dose give me a little hope.. Sometimes im wondering if im just fooling my self. like this is it.. ya know? also
Ok so for those of you don't know yet... my phone is dead. like dead dead.. dont know if i can salvage any type of info off of it, so msg me your numbers and such so when i get a new one (i aiming for the end of the week) i can put it in. Also lost more weight, still working at me job for government and since i passed training i am a federal government agent. worked a good amount of ot the past 2 days.. trying to get the rest of my stuff from my previous address but life likes just bending me over... and not even getting kissed.

PS. If anyone wants to work on my back i will cook for you and such....

Looking like things were starting to get better... Found out things I ...


F.M.L

Considering how this year has treated myself and my family. It was a good one. I got some party little horns. That was out but what I got that no one can put a price tag on was the smiles of my kids when I came thru the door and have them some gifts. Even Fern cracked a smile ( I think, was tossing a sorry diaper when she opened the gift I got her). As much as if one hell of a nightmarish picture was painted of me. I'm not all that bad really. And it's Christmas. Can't be a douche on this day....



Well..................

Maybe a little bit of one.

Another interview today. And have to get there about 4 hours early die to the craptasic transit system that is Idaho. So on the bus now. Then Another one. So by the the the bussing is all said and done i will Have 4 hours to kill. Oh an no transfer passes. So yea another reason transit sucks out here.

Did i mention it's-8 out side? Not bitching as much as it looks. Just saying

Boo YEAH!!!! I got the job! ^^

want to talk or something, bored and filling out more job apps now so need something to help me keep awake

Job interview in 3 hours. Really need this one.
Update: manager basically said she needed someone with 10 years of exp and doesn't need hardly any training. However after this week meaning black Friday is a maybe. Well hit those apps again for me.

DO i have post it not only here but ebay as well or just here by it self? I got something i want to put something up for auction to drum up some cash for the holidays so i can get my family something conserding 2013 for us at least has sucked balls. Answer if you can or if you know someone who can let them know about this.
Thanks

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> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5259913/ <

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Click it click it Click it click itClick it click itClick it click itClick it click it

So I'll admit I get nightmares a lot. Like a insane amount. Most of the time I will let them play they. But the past I'm going to say at least 2 years they have been getting pretty bad
Good amount is me losing my family. But then the ones with my dad. My biggest fear as a dad is turning in to my dad. Let's just say it was one of the reasons where I am at right now.

Anyways in my dream I made dinner. I was younger. My dad got home and started to say my dinner look liked shit. Tasted Like it and started to hit meme and shove the chicken down my throat
And then told me if I wanted real food poisoning. Yea great way to wake up.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes. Did this post from my phone

Would you have a moment of silence for a family member of mine, well our, my family, Ravage was.. she left us to early. *shakes head* I almost forgot, would explain why ive been kinda touchy and depressed lately and looking at pics of cats... and watching clips with ravage in them from transformers, and beastwars. How come its harder to accept a fuzzy family member dying then a human one? Its true i wasn't that nice to ravage but damn it I loved the little deceptkitty. where ever she is I hope shes having fun chasing a light or doing the Yoda face ..hehhe yea I would play with her drag my finger nails on the bed sheets and she would make a Yoda looking face with tye eyes and ears it was very amusing and it did bring a smile to me.

Of all the times to get sick. Sore thoart, achey, headache, not feeling good. And I got a interview tomorrow too.

Here I go. Let's do this.

Theyt have been since last night, that uneasy feeling Can't shake it for some reason... like shit is about to hit the fan again ..for the umpteeth time again.. *rubs eyes* any time that it will stop would be great...

This was brought to my attention over the weekend and I'm usually pretty good at keeping up with astronomy and event's. (it's a hobby of mine) and since I've been out of the loop due to life events as it were I missed this. Now been told that its going to be the end of the world with this one and the exact opposite by others so did some research on it. Found a lot of " its the end of the world as we know it..And I feel fine people" to " Meh another end of the world party hype.. oh look porn on tv" (Those who care and those who give a rat ass less.

Now I'm all for prep for the worse and hope for the best in these types of things (anyone remember Y2K? It was very feasible and now i look back and go "Huh well then... at least the MRE's got good use.")

http://www.universetoday.com/104818.....to-perihelion/

not only is the most logical I found out whats going on about this but also has the most facts on it with out going over board and make your brain go "...BSOD!"

Anyone else want to toss in there thoughts on this. Feel free to what's the word... umm signal boost this. yea that's right.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5101472/

This is pretty fricken awesome of this person

So for some reason i didn't get paid went to check saying i was disqualified so going thru mail opened something i got the 24th ( it was forward to me so not blaming anyone on that) but saying i had till the 20th to to say whats going on... When I try to call my phone is turned off so im using TextMe program to make calls which.. has more fucking problems then someone using net10 in a bad cell phone area!!!! RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really am trying to get shit done and everything but the universe is just really throwing everything it has with out going fucking prime evil on my ass.. I MEAN COME ON!!

If anyone wants to talk to me. skype me if you got it, if not note me and such.

Not really bitching about it just the time it will take and how long will it be at the end will be close to a mini novel, so if you want to know something just note me.

Short short version, moved in with awesome friends, trying to get a job and back in Idaho. If you want to know more. Ask.

Why this time you ask? (if you read these) Smoking alcohol. How do you do it..Take booze, poor over Dry Ice, inhale fumes... *face palms* GOd damn kids how tarded are you?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5030698/

stolen from  salkitten


1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Haven;t started so no prob

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
It's all confusing as hell now I have no idea. Don't want to get in to it atm

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
blinks* ...uhh thanks >.>

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
No....

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?
Yea still am.

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
Ehh not sure yet

7: Do you want to be single?
No I don't. I hate being alone now, i kinda grew up alone then I found out how wonderfull it is to be with someone..

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?
stayed in got a tooth yanked friday

9: How late did you stay up last night?
2 or 3 am

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?
in the words of big mac. "..err yup"

11: Last three things you had to drink?
Coke (yea yea i shouldnt) Water and water

12: Have you ever pretended to like someone?
I think so but i ended up likeing them

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
No

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
nope

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
Depending on the person..

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
See question 2

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
watching a stream, lookign for stuff online, debating on what to eat and thinking about my kids.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
No

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
I think so

20: What would you name your future daughter?
I got one already, so beat this to the punch, Her name is Seriah, and she is AWESOME

21: Do you miss anyone?
I miss a lot of people, 3 of them the most

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
ehh hmm nope.

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
..no Thanks for reminding me of that.. asshole meme

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
For a while yes but once there out, flood gates have been opened

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
More times lately then my entire life of crying

26: Who did you last see in person?
My mom....*shrugs*

27: Are you listening to music right now?
nope

28: What is something you currently want right now?
...

29: What is the last thing you said out loud?
Crap baskets

30: How is your heart lately?
Physically,Pretty damn good i think conserding. Emotionally,...see number 2

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Last time I did, i looked like the unabomber XP

32: Are you wearing socks?
nuhuh wait *looks* nope

33: What do people call you?
Josh.

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
Like as in a friend. Am right now.. something more. no

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
#2 look at it. Dear god. that and other things but number 2 is on the top of the list. not tippty top but like #2

36: Who did you last share a bed with?
*sighs* Damn you meme. !!!!

37: Did you do something bad today?
ehh define bad

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
about 2 months ago

39: Do you get stressed out easily?
Depends on the situation now

40: Will you sing today?
Dose humming count?

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
Ive been keeping it in check at the moment.

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?
Depends on the situation

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?
Close. but no cigar.

44: What are you listening to right now?
fan blowing and me typing.

45: What is wrong with you right now?
Stressed, worried, depressed lonely, angry, sad, ashamed, fearfull, but also under all that hopefull

46: What is on your wrists right now?
nothin

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
not wearing one a bit toasty for me

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?
ooo fresh and homade or store bought?

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
Yes

50: Are you a good artist?
with food yes many people will conteset to that, on paper.. ehh umm ehh. Plead the 5th

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
Yea.. It is, but love comes in many forms.

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
yes. most of it.

53: Ever been on a golf cart?
wait..Yes. odd machine

54: Do you have trust issues?
I do. i listen to my gut

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?
Fucking A MEME

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes

57: Do you use chap stick?
nope
]
58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?
Yes....

59: Do you have a little sister?
yup yup.

60: Have you ever been to New York?
Dose being in iowa count XD.. no I havent

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Yea, my mom.

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
I don't think so

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?
ehh hang on, wathing random stuff on youtube

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
ehh hmm no

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
Besides my kids. yes there is

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
yes... they were

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
No. 5 days try 5 months

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
depends on the temp and the person.

69: Will next Friday be a good one?
Im praying it will

SO..got another tooth yanked, and ive been taking care my mouth and such.. guess Im just screwed in another department, I would like to have on department well im not royaly screwed to much. I understand life an all but come on, also hydrocodo is making me feel funny, not haha funny but.. huh funny.

I think so, anger wise, now you can ask people who know me in rl, That before all I this I would get pissed at really stupid shit.. (dropped food, torn shirts*unless i wanted to for some odd reason* etc etc) just really stupid stuff so just now i got up to put a few things away and I noticed my pants were loose so im like "Hey lossin some pounds ok time to tighten...ehh * notice to see my belt was broken* i blinked chuckled and not even a moment of pissed or mad more like "Well... then... time for a new belt "