I really am, Getting help with not only anger management (which I have been getting a lot better at it. a flare up now and then but it dissipates rather quickly) And now parenting classes, But it just .. just seems like its slipping more and more away. People say I should do things for my self relax a little but then I feel like I'm just not doing what i promised to do. Hell I have not to an xbox, ps, nintendo since I left.

I honestly don't know if anything I post is read anymore. And if it is, replied to. I'm just.. I want to say a lot of things, that matter, but I'm afraid they will just back fire anymore.

I kinda wanted to go storm chasing this year.. maybe its good idea not to since whats happening to those in Oklahoma and Kansas (my thoughts and prayers to them all) but damn Even I know when I need to hold off on something for while.

Ok the tornado thing was random I admit. but oh well. *sighs*

I don't know what else to say now. I might post stuff like pics soon.. don't know.

insomnina go away please... pretty please.. I'm sure there is other people you can pester.
*sighs*

lots of phone calls, made today both going and receiving. Got an appointment and interview tomorrow for an actual Job job.. hopefully no more odd jobs soon. Classes start soon for me like next week soon and then the week following for a next one. Eh other then that. Been making progress good progress with my problem. Some things get me going but I either A: calm down a lot quicker or B: i just take a moment and tel my self " really? you serious your upset by that?" So yea. Been working on some poetry here now and then, Might post it later on don't know just yet. Also been trying to get an idea on paper for some art but it just has a hard time getting from head to hand to paper.

And for something random, watching one of those best of cd collections and just gives me the biggest wtf face look on some of the hair back in 70's 80's and even early 90's.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/a5f5a047.....yegdo1_400.gif

^^

Go away insomnia i no likes you. you make me sound the dumbs after a while. It sucks..

Read earlier journals if you don't.. the ones that don't say raffles dur)

So At the moment I got some type of flu/sinus/allergy thing going on so im blah and not feeling at all like doing shit, but stuff needs to get done none the less. I am working odd jobs at the moment for some type of income to help out my family. Starting to take classes soon for anger and parenting in the next couple of weeks. Working on being better for myself, my kids and even leaf storm. Just trying to be better then what I was, or even be who i was before i became who i am with the lack of better words would be upgrade, I became something i dreaded, or at least the tip of the ice burg what I dreaded becoming. SO i got to fix that.

lost almost 20 lbs since I've been down here..would of been more but i blame carbs. Almost cut out soda period....almost.

Ummm let see anything else. *ponders* not that I can think of. So yea. Take care everyone and have great memorial day weekend... also thank those who you can see and those you can't during this weekend.

After much fighting and bs i finally got something done with something that should of been done a month ago... no thanks to the goverment that did not follow thru on shit. *sighs a bit of relief* now on to other things

To all the moms out there I know. Happy mothers day, you all do so much for your little one's and even big ones. Thank you so much.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! RAGE... SMEGINHELL!!! *sighs* ok a bit better. this close i was this close... and now.. "oh btw forgot to tell you something derp" mummbles

...SSDD again with this... RAGE FACE

I'm busting my ass off, fighting with the government.. sorta more like pestering them and trying get shit done. Still applying for jobs.. getting more interviews. but not of the last 2 days. ok.. that was the weekend. but still nothing since Friday. my counselor wants to see me once a week now. instead of every other week. I miss my family more and more, and im trying my hardest to get shit done.. And for the raging im not its more of small vent I guess?

yes some good news again.. well it was.. then something kinda kicked it out of the way... ... FUCK! on top of that i have even noticed i have lost weight like you can look at me and see a difference.. other then that.. if people need art done ask me ill link ya to people i know who has good prices.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4564735/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4564735/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4564735/

A meteor shower, is happening to night and what do i get..fucking snow.. GOD DAMN IT!!! *rages* well im still going outside and just hope that maybe one.. little break in the clouds and see something...

I guess not, very few people really replied to my stuff i wrote anyways, im getting more help from the consular(sp), starting parenting classes soon. Got a few more job leads to hit up. hmm what else, yea losing weight. But sometimes when i try my hardest, it doesn't matter.

I don't know when it happened but when if i ever got chance to go back in time I need to know when it happened so i can change it.. would it be for the better eh who's to say but it can't get much worse then this... *knocks on wood* And im sure everyone has wondered/pondered/ dreamed of this before.


Still why this path, why this road i and my fmaily had to take... for what reason?

ps.. not even emo, just questions i ask my self the big guy upstairs and anyone else who is beyond this plane see if not answers but maybe insight to all of this.

let see what else i can put in here.. oh yea someone hire me. and hmm i have no idea maybe go thru my older journal post.. memory lane trip i guess

woke up out of a dead pan sleep at 5 to 4 this monring, i have no idea why i checked status seemed fine, so was there a reason, or if there was did i just miss it.

Did another cousnlng session today for my anger had some good break troughs. got some plans now... a bit of home work to do on it. but other then that.. long day cold and windy.

so far 8 inches and climbing here in co.. well some parts... wet heavy also just waiting for the call back from a second interview.... yea..

If its not normall spring weather we get ..SNOW!?!?! not that im bitching but now were in a winter wheather advisory wet and heavy... *shakes head* I'm not bitching more like.. just expressing my feelings and got to walk a bit tomorrow in it for counseling... waiting to he hear a call back from my second interview... yea long day today was... and tomorrow about the same if not longer

yup lots don't know how to approach some of them but if anyone wants to know msg me..

(why dont you want to put down here?)

weeelllllll maybe its a surprise?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y4z-3b2ais

anyways some of is cool and a couple is..THE FUC? ethier way bronie or peagasister or just a fan for cause.. its cool

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4526907

I don't know if im going to get what ever at this, but im helping, the most i can, she needs help, and the kids too. just read help the most you can people. Please and thank you.

getting nervous, about this job and other things... got it feles like my chest is on fire.. and my arms..

Well got an interview 1030 tomorrow morning. Well let see what happens. its for a liquor store but it something. Right??

Already in a blizzard warning.. for those of in eastern aurora and denver we are in a blizzard warning, also those in limon CO thunderstorm warning with possible tornado watch heading your way.