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One and a Half Years Ago... End of a Decade. (Backstory)
Posted 5 years ago
DISCLAIMER: I do not actually use any real names of actual people, the * is a placeholder that is an inside joke to my friends from back in highschool. If you're one of the people reading this I hope you're all doing wonderfully!
This is a little backstory I just felt like sharing SOMEWHERE. I didn't feel like twitter because that would be absolute HELL trying to write these out as a long winded series of tweets.
About one and a half years ago I started to navigate this website with the idea of exploring my sexuality through commissioning artists and designing- and later adopting- characters. As a result I have met people who have for better or worse helped me grow as an individual.
But at the same time this whole process started off with a rather tragic event in my life and despite my demeanor things weren't always like this for me. Considering it is the end of a decade I felt the need to share some of my backstory on the events that shaped me into who I am now at the time of writing this.
Starting back in 2010 I had just graduated Middle school, and was confident in my abilities moving into high school but nervous as I was going to my first boarding school. I could have chosen public school but the issue was that the area I grew up in was very much against people with Learning Disabilities (or disorder, Shortened to LD) as I later learned to call them in college psychology. I also had the issue that at this time in NY, the state my school was in, being bisexual or gay was just starting to be considered acceptable and I had left public school for the very reason that people who identified as Gay or had a LD were literally having their faced curb stomped, smashed through glass, and bullied for no other reason than that. Being both bisexual- for the uneducated bully and gangster in the area was for all intents and purposes the same as gay- and diagnosed with ADHD Combined sub type, painted a large target on my back for both the corrupt system of my area and the thugs of my middle school years.
It was around high school I had started to experiment with expressing myself more openly, the school I was enrolled at was peaceful and had plenty of very vigilant staff who had a "No BS" policy of tolerating abuse and discrimination. Of course when it came to being bisexual or gay, I was part of a social minority in the hierarchy of this new school. As a result I ended up making friends with a bunch of people who just didn't fit in to any other social circle. So things took a while to take hold, and the age of experimentation began sometime midway through high school. Having been abandoned by all my friends in middle school (because the only friendship offered to me at the time was pity and I was just too blind to see it) and furthermore unable to understand social norms having been outcast from the get go, fitting in took a sweet long time to accomplish.
I'm not the type who will tell you some self righteous story about how I overcame hardship or something and became a better person. That is a Subjective point of view to anyone reading, and not what this is about.
What I found was, like most people, was to be myself. Cheesy I know, but its the truth and actually for some young kid who had lost his father figure before graduation, and socially shunned. Its a bit harder than it sounds.
I would go so far as to say even my own identity wasn't solidified in my mind. I knew how I felt, but not who I was and what I wanted to strive to be. This was extremely frustrating for me, as on top of all this confusion came the whole gender revolution.
I knew I was different, there was always this feeling in the back of my mind that I wanted to be a girl, but at the same time that feeling came and went upon questioning myself further. To say I am transgender or even trans in general would be a mistake at this time as I currently feel as though the actual word for how I feel fits more under the name Gender Fluid rather than Transgender.
Over time the public perception of this became clear; it was acceptable to identify or in general BE these things. A complete contrast to the prior 11 years of my life to that point.
This actually quite honestly threw a wrench in everything I thought I knew about me and how I felt. The challenge of then "Being yourself" had been greatly encumbered by this revelation. I still felt like I had to be a certain way, or do certain things to be who I was. But to anyone reading this now that is a big mistake! Being yourself means doing what you like and acting the way you feel! You are you by the legacy you leave in other people's minds and not what they want you to be! Anyway...
I graduated high school with some amazing people (and a few assholes who thought their social circle was the best (little update on that is they flunked college... Who's flipping burgers now Mike*)) And overall, those were the most fun years of my life. My father may have been gone but I still had a mother, loving cousins aunts and uncles.
Then my first year of college was... a wake up call. I had graduated high school with a B average- the best fruit my struggles academically could bear. My chosen field was game design, I had known for a very long time this was my passion and wanted to pursue it, and I was accepted to multiple universities such as Virginia Tech, Champlain College, and SCAD. I had chosen against my better judgement that I should go to Champlain, the college that was known for being in the top 3 colleges for game design at the time of my application- but little did I know there was a little Hush Hush history of them having difficulty keeping freshmen.
Their standards were far too high for me to cope with. Their requirements of a B average by midterms was extremely hard, it was nothing like high school level learning that i had become so accustomed to. The rule was to keep the B average or you would be kicked out of the major (from my understanding) permanently. This shock that I did in fact have limitations combined with my difficulty in calculus and conveying my ideas to others was what left me with two options: a) I stayed and worked my ass off so hard I would be mentally fried, Risking my GPA and the ability to graduated from what was one of the best schools at the time. b) I pulled out of the college to save my GPA and give myself the opportunity to study and improve upon my weaknesses elsewhere.
In the end I had Broke down while attempting option A. Little known fact that mid terms for the first year were when the B average principle began to apply, and to my memory the midterms were crazy, about a little over 3 weeks in to the first term. SO, in the end i had to choose option B. That broke my confidence pretty hard mentally and academically.
It was this event however that forced me to look at how I behaved. The thought of what I could or should have done differently brought me all the right questions. Being broken for the first time was probably the most constructive thing to have happened. Yes I did in fact give up on chasing my dream eventually but its been transformed into a new one. If you dislike this then please understand that when it comes to what I have learned in the past 3 years has proven this decision to have been the best one so far. The market for Game Designers has flooded- and for the youths who have little idea what KIND of position it is, for better or worse its a managerial position with aspects of putting all the pieces of the game together. And much like managers at a Walmart, you do not need so many in the workplace working on the same thing.
Back to the timeline.
I had just pulled out of college and started immediately improving upon my gpa. Taking the rest of the year at a public university raising that average. Then I went to a new college specifically meant to help people with my kinds of difficulties understand what they can do to overcome them.
You may not like it but success stories are nothing more than a luck of the draw. A person who failed calculus 3 times before getting a C- like myself is one such example. It wasn't that I didn't try my best, I had aced college level algebra. There are some things in this world that no matter how hard one tries, they simply cannot overcome it due to circumstance or some form of handicap. A person born blind would never see the paintings of Vincent Van Gogh, and a individual with full body paralysis from polio may have their dreams of being an athlete shot out of the sky.
Now what do you do when you can't overcome an obstacle towards your goals? This school taught me two things to manage such a predicament:
1) Compromise
2) Adapt
Upon my graduation from this college I only had my associates- having wasted my time attempting calculus multiple times and have nothing to show for those efforts.
So I took those lessons to heart. I looked into what my strong suits were in high school and college and came to a new conclusion: become a writer.
I have always been successful in literature courses even in high school. Being the only one in my Senior year to have graduated the current professor's grueling classes with an A-, much to the dismay of the international students who had believed I was lazy and cheated for that grade. I didn't mind that too much since English was their second language and the one's who believed this were the same people who had their parents paying the school large sums whenever they committed an infraction against school rules and policies. My roommate from China was the nicest man I ever met and he did believe I got that grade fairly as we were in the same class so I helped him a lot with the work as well (to which his grade showed higher than some of his peers that accused me of cheating).
This trend was further amplified in college: Having aced both creative writing classes with an A and A+ respectively. Certain aspects of English writing were weaker than others, particularly the breakdown and criticism aspects of the curriculum. So my heart was set on this path, Convert the game ideas I had created into a script and books. I could then pitch my ideas to companies behind closed doors while maintaining the rights to the work I so desperately spent 8 years crafting to this date.
But alas this too was met with a new difficulty. On July of 2017 my mother- the only remaining immediate family member that I had- had passed away in front of me. She was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer late in my sophomore year in high school. as a result, before I graduated college, I had a severely limited number of funds. I had one more year of college to complete, which drained most of the remaining funds I had for education.
There isn't much left for me to discuss. The current situation has improved greatly from that original one. With the problems of funds being slowly remedied.
I am on the verge of even buying a new house and starting my own business to help get me to my goals of creating the media I have nurtured inside my head for all these years.
And along the way I started this page here on this platform. A place for me to experiment and- to be entirely honest- have fun. I mean what else would you expect from a porn commissioner?! Yeah it was a learning experience, this is the place I had learned that I was likely Gender fluid. Its still probably going to be much more- though still a side hobby.
I guess I just saw the past 10 years of amazing advancement and felt like getting cheesy with all of you. We were all something or someone else 10 years ago. I hope the rest of you enjoy your New Years, and also look forward to carving out a path of compromises and adaptations towards my goals. I hope you all enjoy my content and enjoy the last of the 2010s this night. Halloween shtuffs
Posted 6 years agoNot really in a good mood but, just wanted to say Happy Halloween!!
I am going to be spending this Halloween doing important things (like finish moving).
But I do have a few good things in the works. One piece is ready to post but I'm waiting for the holiday itself.
Hope everyone has a fun and safe halloween!!
I am going to be spending this Halloween doing important things (like finish moving).
But I do have a few good things in the works. One piece is ready to post but I'm waiting for the holiday itself.
Hope everyone has a fun and safe halloween!!
Merch For Sale
Posted 6 years agoGot some new merch of my sheep. This is to help with money and comissions in particular. I have no ideas how these will come out but i will be updating these as feedback comes in and i can afford more artwork to turn into prints.
The hoodie and t-shirts can be found here. https://teespring.com/tactical-shee.....ear?ea1b8f3d1f
The hoodie and t-shirts can be found here. https://teespring.com/tactical-shee.....ear?ea1b8f3d1f
I will accept fanart to an extent, and potential hiatus
Posted 6 years agoSeeing as to how things are going with my luck so far. To help keep my profile a bit more lively, I have decided to loosen up a bit on my restrictions on people offering to draw my characters.
I will still require people message me beforehand and to those who are especially close I may even offer a short term "lease" setup for co-owning a character.
I am not trying to swindle any money and will outright warn you in advance here: I am pretty much broke for the foreseeable future.
I do get a monthly allowance but I need to save as much as I can to get a new car and enough for groceries. I have a queue of people I wish and/or have promised to get art with but once that's done, depending on my situation IRL, I may be on a hiatus. I have been debating this Shinies thing as i only can use paypal.
Furthermore I don't like trolls refunding stuff through fraud claim. If you want to send donations you will have to note me personally but I will be reluctant to accept any large sum. I hate feeling like I am taking advantage of people and to those who think i am rich i am not. I do not wish to give more details other than that almost everything I own is from someone who died. Nothing more, nothing less.
I will still require people message me beforehand and to those who are especially close I may even offer a short term "lease" setup for co-owning a character.
I am not trying to swindle any money and will outright warn you in advance here: I am pretty much broke for the foreseeable future.
I do get a monthly allowance but I need to save as much as I can to get a new car and enough for groceries. I have a queue of people I wish and/or have promised to get art with but once that's done, depending on my situation IRL, I may be on a hiatus. I have been debating this Shinies thing as i only can use paypal.
Furthermore I don't like trolls refunding stuff through fraud claim. If you want to send donations you will have to note me personally but I will be reluctant to accept any large sum. I hate feeling like I am taking advantage of people and to those who think i am rich i am not. I do not wish to give more details other than that almost everything I own is from someone who died. Nothing more, nothing less.
Birthday Today
Posted 6 years agoAllright today I turned 23, I am still debating on what things I should be doing and whatnot. Right now I have had a pleasant surprise with a few comissions getting done sooner than I expected. I really appreciate that, artists involved! You know who you are
I will go to bed soon, and wake up later today to do things like go to the range and possibly go see a movie or something.
I will go to bed soon, and wake up later today to do things like go to the range and possibly go see a movie or something.
Things will be Slow
Posted 6 years agoCurrently looking for a job, so I need to hold on to what I can for the time being. This means there will be less content than usual the upcoming weeks until I find one. Please be patient! >.<
Femme Cafe Discord
Posted 6 years agoDo you like Femboys? Do you like Futanari/dickgirls? Do you want to meet with people with similar interests as your own?
The Femme Cafe Discord is a place for cute Femboys and Futas/dickgirls to get together and share art, play games, and socialize. This discord is also open to artists who like to draw this type of content!
If you have a Futa or Femboy OC, or just an artist looking for cute things, feel free to join! We are constantly looking for new members to liven things up! ^^
Discord link: https://discord.gg/vE5C9WMLooking for Plush Maker
Posted 6 years agoI was thinking of comissioning someone to make a Plush of the sheep version of Nao to sell off by custom order. The only issue I have is I want them to be special and not a normal plush. Something that is exceptionally soft and floofy, yet doesn't shed over time. If any one of my watchers has that talent I would like to see what they can make. Also if you know someone please send me their contact link! I would really appreciate the boost!
Edit: Fir those wondering what he looks like, hes the one on the left here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31112035/
Edit: Fir those wondering what he looks like, hes the one on the left here http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31112035/
Injured back
Posted 6 years agoWell for those who know me that are/were wondering about my lack of activity about 3 days ago I was getting to bed when out of nowhere my back erupted into pain. I am a little heavy, but no where near heavy enough to have done this damage through weight alone, and I was not carrying much over 40lbs either (I can lift 80 normally).
Now after some consultation, the most likely cause was that I had several unnoticed cramps in my back muscles which tore the strands that were cramped. Now a little background, I get really bad cramps in my legs to the point where all the muscles are activated and I cant even move it. If I do I feel immense levels of pain and it makes it worse. However I haven't had one of those in months.
Currently I'm bedridden because moving anything from the waist down hurts incredibly. I should be ok but if this does not heal I may have to go to the ER. I'm sorry for those who I may have told I would get commissions from, but my health takes priority.
Now after some consultation, the most likely cause was that I had several unnoticed cramps in my back muscles which tore the strands that were cramped. Now a little background, I get really bad cramps in my legs to the point where all the muscles are activated and I cant even move it. If I do I feel immense levels of pain and it makes it worse. However I haven't had one of those in months.
Currently I'm bedridden because moving anything from the waist down hurts incredibly. I should be ok but if this does not heal I may have to go to the ER. I'm sorry for those who I may have told I would get commissions from, but my health takes priority.
100 Watchers! Happy Valentines!!
Posted 6 years agoWell, it took a bit to get to this point, hasn't been a year yet but I'm glad its gotten to here. Finally; 100 Watches!
I have a sneaking suspicion some are bots, but at least most of you are real people (I hope x_x). Anyway, this does make me very happy! Thank you for those who are watching and favoriting, sorry I haven't been on a more personal level giving thanks lately, just my situation IRL has drastically changed.
I have my own apartment, and I am currently on the search for a new job. Expect the amount of art to pick up some time in the near future.
Thanks again everyone! And have a lovely Valentine's day
I have a sneaking suspicion some are bots, but at least most of you are real people (I hope x_x). Anyway, this does make me very happy! Thank you for those who are watching and favoriting, sorry I haven't been on a more personal level giving thanks lately, just my situation IRL has drastically changed.
I have my own apartment, and I am currently on the search for a new job. Expect the amount of art to pick up some time in the near future.
Thanks again everyone! And have a lovely Valentine's day
Merry Christmas
Posted 6 years agoHappy Holidays everyone! I had alot to do this morning, but I finally had time to write this. OwO;
I hope everyone is also enjoying their Christmas. Unfortunately my wallet took a decent hit this year, and it might interfere with commissions and plans next month. ; w ;
Hope everyone else is doing better than I am!
I hope everyone is also enjoying their Christmas. Unfortunately my wallet took a decent hit this year, and it might interfere with commissions and plans next month. ; w ;
Hope everyone else is doing better than I am!
Christmas Frustration
Posted 6 years agoWell its that time of year, and this is strange but... I cant find a Christmas commission that I can afford or bid on... ;w;
I really wanted to show off both Nao and Blaise in some art, but after all the Christmas shopping for people IRL I'm now left with very little to spend! If anyone can point me to a good deal for both characters that together top at $80 or wish to buy/make the com as a gift I would appreciate this! Though I am more pickey about who draws Nao than Blaise...
Please help ;w;Good Animators?
Posted 7 years agoI'm still looking for a good animator to do some rather kinky animations. Would appreciate suggestions ; w ;
To all my Watchers and new fans...
Posted 7 years agoThank you. Having this many people admiring my characters makes me happy.
I, however, haven't been doing so well the past year and a half.
I have fallen into a spiraling depression of loneliness and a lack of self worth. This all started after my mother passed away, leaving me without anyone I would consider family, at least in the sense that they knew me on the same or similar level to my now deceased parents.
It is incredibly, and unbearably lonely. I get panic attacks sometimes from the realization I'm almost a quarter through life and have not made a name for myself, much less completed college. I have my aspirations, yet they are so far out of my reach. For reasons I do not wish to share; I am very slow when learning. Too slow for many college learning curricula.
I have a hard time making friends IRL, and all of the ones I used to have growing up are out of reach both physically and financially from me. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, and have difficulty expressing my feelings for others until its too late.
So for all of you I want to say this.
I would also appreciate if you could help bring more attention to my profile since I do not use social media platforms, and refuse to. To me they are nothing but trouble. I would greatly appreciate that.
I, however, haven't been doing so well the past year and a half.
I have fallen into a spiraling depression of loneliness and a lack of self worth. This all started after my mother passed away, leaving me without anyone I would consider family, at least in the sense that they knew me on the same or similar level to my now deceased parents.
It is incredibly, and unbearably lonely. I get panic attacks sometimes from the realization I'm almost a quarter through life and have not made a name for myself, much less completed college. I have my aspirations, yet they are so far out of my reach. For reasons I do not wish to share; I am very slow when learning. Too slow for many college learning curricula.
I have a hard time making friends IRL, and all of the ones I used to have growing up are out of reach both physically and financially from me. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, and have difficulty expressing my feelings for others until its too late.
So for all of you I want to say this.
Thank you.
For being one of the few things that keep me motivated and have me feel wanted.
Thank you.
I would also appreciate if you could help bring more attention to my profile since I do not use social media platforms, and refuse to. To me they are nothing but trouble. I would greatly appreciate that.
Artist anyone?
Posted 7 years agoI am looking for an artist to draw Nao in different forms thanks to transformation potions.
Anyone watching, or if you know someone that's good with humans and Kemonomimis (think monster girls/boys) I would appreciate it if you could direct me to them.
On another note, almost back home and to regular contact again!
Anyone watching, or if you know someone that's good with humans and Kemonomimis (think monster girls/boys) I would appreciate it if you could direct me to them.
On another note, almost back home and to regular contact again!
Halloween Collaborations CLOSED!!
Posted 7 years agoWELP the deadline has arrived! I didn't get many takers but I'm Glad I got who I did.
Thank you for your participation!! Halloween Collaborations Open!
Posted 7 years agoWith that spoopy time of year come's Nao's true nature as a living embodiment of the sin of Lust. His kind and shy nature thrown aside and replaced with desire and want; who will be his victims/partners this year?...
That's up for debate in notes and discord. I am willing to collaborate with people this year right up until a week before Halloween to show off Nao's Lust form for the holiday.
RULES AND DESCRIPTION: The way this works is that Nao is looking for a ride. He will use any means necessary to subdue or coax someone into intercourse. He is a mage, so spells, potions, and transformations are not out of the question in terms of what he has at his disposal. He may even use a non-functional knife to trick and subdue his partners. However Nao may even go as far as to grant the desires of his target as payment before or after he has had his fun.
Fetishes I WONT do:
Gore
Mutilation
Snuff
Scat
Unbirthing
Hyper
Necrophilia
Digestion Vore
Toddler/cub
Amputee
Watersports
Melting
Sensory Deprivation
Drowning
And more at my own discretion
Fetishes I MIGHT do:
Age Regression/Teen Versions
Unwilling/Forced
Cum Inflaion
Slime Monster Inflation
All the way through (fluids or tentacles only)
Sado-Masochism
Fisting
Milking
Fetishes I WILL do:
Stomach Bulge
Bondage
Egg Implantation
Tentacles
Power-Bottom
Large toys/penises
Excessive cum
Group Sex
Light Choking
Transformation/shape shifting and Selfcest
Virgin
Alternate gender/genderswap
Stuck In Wall
Tentacle Pit and Tentacle Vore
Stealth Sex
Role Reversal
Zoophilia
Knotting
Deepthroat (preferred forced <3)
And More
Here is the reference for his new form: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29088623/
It is up to you what way you want it to go down but note that volunteering means that Nao gets a ride one way or another. Unless you go for role reversal. I retain the right to decide what my character does within these situations. He is an extension of me and I am very sensitive about what he does in depicted artwork.
Slots are limited by price only. When I have reached the limit of what I can spend on this I will update this Journal.
YOU will need to have an artist in mind for the commission before pitching. I have a few artists in mind, however not all of them are available and within my price range. The max on a single picture commission is $85, multi-pic series and comics $120. The only exception to this are artists who charge by the hour as it varies too much
Please share because I am sill repairing hurricane damage and wont be able to start commissions with artists until I get out of here.
Comment below if you have any questions, and note me if you want to pitch an idea for a collab.Looking for an animator thats decently priced
Posted 7 years agoDecided i want to animate some work in the future, got some ideas i would like to see animated.
if there are any suggestions I'm good for both SFW and NSFW artists. I don't have that much of a budget so keep it as low as possible I guess. Please note me or comment hereWriting Samples Coming Soon!
Posted 7 years agoI thought I would take the time to mention that I will be adding sample pieces of writing to my profile. I don't know about doing anything commissioned as of yet, however I will be writing stories for my characters once I finish building a world for them.Some of this writing will tie in to the other post about a discord, however it will be subject to change.