where to even begin

so, i've done it. i've escaped the deep south.

thanks to the help of my dad whose credit paid for the plane (one way), thanks to my loving boyfriend and his family for housing me until my apartment is set, and thanks to me finally working up the willpower, i've finally escaped from my own personal hell. and not a moment too soon, as the country dives further and further into fascistic thinking.

i am, for the first time in many long years, off of my anti depressants, and my possibly misprescribed anti-psychotics. (the doctor i spoke too seemed confused about autism and idk if he really made the right call there in the first place.)

while my body learns to live without them in my system, i am at the same time more clear headed than i've been in a while, and also more prone to bouts of unexplained panic and depression.

but as i bask in this beautiful town in MInnesota, where every day so far has been a snow day. where the cold reminds me of my youth in portland oregon, and where i am finally in the arms of one of my most beloved partners, i feel for the first time completely safe.

i don't see myself ever going back. my dad's getting older and has his own problems to deal with, and he's more than happy to see me live somewhere better and safer. my little bro is figuring out life and trying to make a home for himself. my sister is as much of a co-dependant hateful human being as ever. my nonverbal brother, the one who abused me to the point of ptsd, is in a group home. even if it isn't perfect, at least they're trying to meet his needs. and my mother, the one i looked up to most, whom i carry with me the most feelings of comfort and nostalgia, has said that if she ever housed me she'd never be rid of me. i have since blocked her number and disowned her from my life.

they say not to cling too dearly to the past, because they're just comforting shadows that aren't as real as they feel. but right now, all i can see looking back is my immediate past, where no happiness can be found.

and here, in a cozy basement, in a soft bed, in a place with beautifully frigid weather, where the awaiting comfort of my partner's arms is always just within reach. i find myself with a new kind of laziness. a willingness to live in the moment. where responsibility seems to always be an afterthought. where i can just laze about in bed, or playing video games with my lover, or eat wonderful home cooked meals, while i wait for Section 8 to accept my application.

i find myself indulging in horny feelings the most lately. and this may just be menopause, as taking daily doses of estrogen results in a "time of the month" for me, in which base impulses are stronger, feelings overwelm easily, panic sets in at the drop of a dime, and the need for human touch can either be suffocating, or so unwanted i seem to jut away from it.

what i'm saying is, my mind is addled with girlyjuices, dripping with pink sticky fluids fulla lesbian hyperfixation, the urge to sub as hard as i can, and an endless need to satisfy my urges.

it's midnight where i am. i'm not thinking clearly. i might still be in withdrawal from my medication. but i feel the need to type something, to show that i'm alive and things are still moving.

and so, the question remains, what now?


well, it's the holidays. i'm gonna just lay back, enjoy the festivities, buy some gifts for my loves with the disposable income i have, and try to detox from many years of trauma.



buuuuuuuuut, as some good news. :3 you don't have to sit around and wait to see how i'm doing lately.

i now have a tumblr blog. well, i've had one for a while. but in the spirit of a new chapter of my life, and given that my following was meager, i came out as abdl and started making a whole swath of new fans.

you're welcome to come see it, to laugh at what i find funny, to see what degen thoughts fill my mind on the daily, and just to keep tabs on your favorite author.

i update it daily. one of my new habits. it keeps me sane. so you're welcome to come see it.

https://www.tumblr.com/that-hippie-.....r?source=share


as for the future. i endeavor to persue the arts, make whatever suits my fancy, get a tattoo that says BABY in big wooden blocks on my arm, and just have fun.

XD and now imma hit the hay, because i am very tired.

i hope this post wasn't too worrying. it's just my incoherant thoughts laid out as best as i could lay them.

take care, my lovely crinklewaggers

thanks to user sygg, i've been informed that FurAffinity is legitimately working to repair relations and good faith with the abdl and babyfur community. link here to a journal entry by staff explaining this, and an artist i respect weighing in with some good they've done.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10989833/

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11000157

i'd like to express my deepest thanks to all who've contributed to this change, be it the staff who have heard us, of the members of the community who have made this known.

in particular, i'd like to thank Sciggles, who has not only shown a willingness to understand us, but has legitimately come to our defense.

i'll be pinning this entry, so for anyone new, i'd like to share the significance of this for me.





as a kid, i wet the bed. and had to wear diapers every night.

for some, the shame and embarrassment of that can leave them with a negetive connotation to diapers. but for me, wearing such soft cozy undies every night, hearing the pleasant crinkle as i rustled beneath my bedsheets, i felt a sense of comfort wearing them.

and when i woke up wet the next morning, the feeling of soaked padding was the first thing i'd notice.

where some might find shame, i found curiosity. my body was doing things without my say, just naturally letting go. with diapers, it was no issue. just change out and wipe up and i could move on with my school day.

but not only that, my body was doing this IN SPITE of my potty training. the thing that everyone is expected to learn from early childhood, and then keep with them for life. a fundamental rule, more important even than kindness. kindness important for socializing, yes, but people ignore that all the time. you NEVER hear of a friend just... ignoring potty training.

and yet here i was, unable to stop myself. in the blissful rest of sleep, my body just had no desire to resist the urge.

doesn't that sound kinda thrilling?

just... breaking this number one rule of life. even if it was through no control of your own, the fact that this rule CAN be broken, the possibility... it was tantilizing.

what would life be like if i COULD just wear diapers? what if i enjoyed doing so? what if i REALLY enjoyed it?

soon enough, i was sneaking diaper packs out of my closet, or stuffing bedsheets down my undies to simulate thickness, watching cartoons with characters getting diapered and feeling envy to the deepest cores of my soul.



FurAffinity was a safe haven for me since my youth, back when i ran a secret account logged into daily in incogneto tabs. seeking solidarity for my particular interests.

i always felt alone with my fixation, isolated in a taboo that seemed universally stood against.

but on FurAffinity, i found countless artists who loved diapers as much as i did. in their works, i felt truly seen, truly understood.

all my deepest fantasies were diaper related. i didnt fawn over guys, girls, aliens, or any of my favorite fictional characters. but i LOVED anyone wearing thick crinkly diapers.

i'd later prove to be on the Asexual/Aromantic spectrum. bodies grossed me out, they always have and always will. i dont like seeing people naked, and i dont understand traditional standards of beauty.

but when i and someone i know share a fixation with diapers? the potential for a full, a fulfilling relationship presents itself.



fast forward to today. :3 i'm in love, i'm escaping the deep south, i'm about to start the next chapter of my life, and i've found people who understand me like i understand them.

^u^ and now? i'm convinced 2025 is gonna be my year.

with my escape finally here, with the love and comfort i'm recieving, with security of being in a more welcoming state where i can be openly queer and face the world with pride, AND with my alltime favorite site once again proving to be a good home for us... i somehow have hope again.

idk what will happen, now that that orange has won office. but maybe, just maybe, i'll have fun this year.

:3 and hey! thats how i started my book!

Joys was inspired by the lasting friendships i made online during the Covid 19 Pandemic. the world felt like it was ending around me, but i was happier then than i had ever been. because i had found the friends i needed all my life.

>:3 so fuck it. life's too short for misery, i will MAKE this my year!!!!

^u^ so thank you, everyone.

:3 expect more posts in the future, this page is still alive!!!

i suppose i may as well write this. gotta keep my meager following informed.

i'll be moving up north soon, finally escaping the deep south.

no specifics, in this day and age i worry about what can happen to folks like me. but i'm taking this as an opportunity to put my life on track.

i've wanted this escape my whole life, even before i could comprehend my queerness, or the depths of the hatred i see in random people from this town. even before i could truly grasp how broken my own family was despite the support.

far as i see it, THIS is the true next chapter of my life. a chance to start fresh, live freely, persue excellence.

because i'm lazy, and because i deem it fitting, i'll be transferring my art to platforms like Weasyl, Blue Sky, and AO3 after my move is finished.

once thats done, i'll update you guys once again and link where to find me. this makes my parting from FA truly official.

i've got big plans for the following year. to finally force myself to re-learn drawing so i can make my own art, to get more chapters of Joys completed, and maybe even learn some music finally so the Dead Mall Society can be a thing.

>:3 i'm also announcing my ABDL status on all social media, AND getting a themed tattoo. i'll be in a more progressive state anyway, and given how FA and Patreon has been treating us i think it only fitting to act in defiance and make myself known in what meager way i can. i refuse to be invisible.

i apologize for the slow updates. i've had a lot on my mind, and needed some space to think.

but let it be known, i'm not ungreatful for the love i've been recieving. your loyal support has been deeply appreciated. and i intend to keep moving forward, hopefully even stronger with this new chapter of my life in motion.

i love you all. see you again soon, my beloved siblings in cushy diapers <3

I remember when I was a kid, lost and alone with my feelings.

I was a bed wetter at an early age, and had to wear diapers to bed almost every night. I don’t know what my folks thought at the time, maybe they just figured it was another part of raising an autistic kid.

And I found myself loving every second I wore them. The coziness, the noise they make, and yes, even the thrill of waking up wet. Padding has been one of the single most formative things in my life, to the point where I simply wouldn’t be me without the fixation.

I’m on the Asexual/Aromantic spectrum, people and their bodies either don’t interest or otherwise disgust me. But through my kinks, I’ve found and made lasting relationships like nothing else before.

I’m out now. Out as Queer, out as Transgender, and yes, out as a Little. My friends and family know and support me, even if some don’t fully understand it.

And I remember, making my own secret FurAffinity account, ages and ages ago. I remember following Talisment back when he was a Prinny centric artist, I remember when Found and Shine started, and I remember learning for the first time that Matt, my favorite character in a little web comic called Concession had a diaper fetish.

I spent years of my life, secretly logging into this obscure little account in incognito tabs. I remember changing the age of my account so I could admire ALL the art my favorite artists made. I remember feeling my first ever thrill reading a story about a guy crossdressing in a cheerleader outfit and being inducted into an inner circle of hypnotized femboys. My first ever experience of gender euphoria and envy, an urge to be more girly.

I remember the cringe fanart I made, the supportive comments from artists I admired, and I remember all the while thinking that what I loved was shameful, and that I would keep my secret with me to the grave.

It’s years later now, I’m older and wiser, nearing my 30’s, and accepting that I can’t change who I am, nor do I ever want to.

But now I’m watching as my community is being ousted. I’m watching artists get banned from patreon and having their livelihoods put at risk. I’m watching as FurAffinity and it’s new management is steadily banning countless accounts, and deleting countless works in their pursuit to scrub us from the site.

Make no mistake, this is bigotry.

And it’s nothing new. Outsiders look at us, feel a guttural sense of repulsion, and operate with the assumption it’s righteous to feel that way. They think “I have good taste, this seems tasteless, therefor these people deserve everything bad.”

If I may use some terminology from Judith Butler, we are Abjectified, made into non-people. Not alive, not real, not worth consideration or respect. Things to be seen as objectively evil. If anyone shows they care about what happens to us, that’s seen as suspicious. Because who would ever help THOSE “people?”

And now, as I watch the world continue to spin as it always has, and the winds change in ways they always do, I think about the future.

I think about where to go, and what to do.

When I wrote The Joys of Youth at the End of The World, I had the goal in mind of creating something that could be shared and appreciated by even people who didn’t share our interest. A story that used diapers for comedic effect, while giving an earnest look into WHY we like these things.

It is my hope, my dream, that this book will one day be finished. That it will be published. And through the right channels of public domain law, that it will be made open to the public. To artists. For iteration, emulation, redistribution, and contribution.

I want Joys to be something anyone can add to, that anyone can make something out of.

Free as in Free Speech, not free beer.

Open Source, to its core.

But to do this, I have to first make sure that what I make is visible to the public. I need people to see, to observe, and to help it grow through support and fandom.

And so I think to the future, and where I can go from here.

Because I can’t live on a sinking ship.

I can’t just let my projects stay in onedrive where google can decide it indecent and remove me. I can’t keep it here, where any wrong move will have me banned. And I can’t keep it on a flash drive, for something so small can be easily lost.

I don’t know where my art is going. I don’t know where it will be safe.

But I fear, my friends, that this is the end of my journey on FurAffinity.

The website that helped me to explore feelings no school could have taught me about. This website I used to hold dear. Has made it known that I and people like me are the enemy.

So. I search now for better places. Greener pastures.

In the hopes of finding the safe haven we all need.

I don’t know where I’ll be posting from here. If anyone knows any good alternatives, I’d welcome them.

I leave you with a poem. I don’t know if everyone will agree it fits. This poem is about fighting for a better life. Not just for better wages, to feed and house ourselves. Nor is it only about fighting for women’s rights to have these things as well. But rather, to have MORE than what you need. To not only live, but live comfortably. To feed your stomach, and to feed your heart as well.

When I think of this poem, I remember my past self, young and lost. I remember how she found comfort in art from her community, which made her feel like it was okay to be herself. Art that showed she wasn’t alone.

And I think of the next generation, and what art they will consume. I think of who they’ll look up to, and where they will learn to feel accepted. And it is my hope, dear friends, that their stories will not be unlike mine. And that they too will learn to live life without shame.

My name is Luna Stardust, and I thank you for joining me on this ride.



“As we come marching, marching, in the beauty of the day,
A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill-lofts gray
Are touched with all the radiance that a sudden sun discloses,
For the people hear us singing, "Bread and Roses, Bread and Roses."

As we come marching, marching, we battle, too, for men—
For they are women's children and we mother them again.
Our days shall not be sweated from birth until life closes—
Hearts starve as well as bodies: Give us Bread, but give us Roses.

As we come marching, marching, unnumbered women dead
Go crying through our singing their ancient song of Bread;
Small art and love and beauty their trudging spirits knew—
Yes, it is Bread we fight for—but we fight for Roses, too.

As we come marching, marching, we bring the Greater Days—
The rising of the women means the rising of the race.
No more the drudge and idler—ten that toil where one reposes—
But a sharing of life's glories: Bread and Roses, Bread and Roses.”

— James Oppenheim, 1911.