Anxiety isn't exactly an easy thing to deal with. I find it very difficult to get past the uncertain feeling where I don't even know if I myself will be okay with me tomorrow. The fear of not fulfilling my time and not using my free time to do anything that I actually want to do, is immense. Day by day, hours just go by like minutes, and I wonder where the hell all that time went. There was a time where time dragged, where 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. In that time, all I wanted to do was draw and things I very much enjoyed, but now it is the complete opposite. I find myself sitting in my room with everything and nothing at the same time. Everything I need is here, yet I do nothing. Stuck. Like a Lego figure, waiting for the puppeteer to pick me up and move me to my next position, however the puppeteer is gone now, and I have my own decisions to make. Yet I feel like I wasn't really meant to make my own decisions in the first place. Its crazy. The idea of progression for most is what they strive for, and most succeed, however others cannot. Soulless, I try to find a vessel to express myself, its not exactly like me, but there are things I can see myself in it. Then in a blink, I find myself having multiple vessels. Creation. Creating without reason. Just like life itself, things are made with no particular reason at all. Its all chaos... Like anxiety, I shake and quiver at the thought.

I eventually sleep it off, and then I find myself wanting to fill a blank page. In the moment, nothing really matters. Not even the feelings I had before. Some days are good, some days aren't. This perpetual stop and go may or may not be forever, but I will never stop doing what I love... I will get up no matter how many times I get pushed down.

-Dark

So FA is being iffy right now and people are freaking out, but if needs be and stuff, you can find me on Bluesky and Twitter.
I don't use twitter as much anymore, but I might have to if FA goes down (like for real.) I don't think it will go down though.

Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/thedarkart.....t6.bsky.social

Twitter: https://x.com/TheDarkArtist6

Oh and uh, commissions are not opening yet, still not feeling great.
-Dark

So I've been needing to say this for a long time now, but I've been pretty much skipping rocks this whole time as far as drawing. I've been putting it off almost every day now to the point where it doesn't even seem appetizing anymore. One of the reasons for that is due to ongoing pressure from my parents to go to college and get a degree. I chose to go with Fine Arts and that's quite a hard degree to get in this era, there's not even really much of a use for it anymore. The second reason is because of my last college class, which was "Color and design theory." I can tell you for a fact that I didn't learn anything about design, but I sure did learn about colors, and what colors stay hidden, and what colors get shown in the end (thanks Ms. Robby Rotten -_-) I also learned how unforgiving the art field really is and all the reason why I shouldn't get into it on a corporate level. It honestly left me crushed, disheartened, and most of all discouraged. That class ended towards the start of winter, which was somewhere around either late November or early December.

Ever since then, I haven't really kept a consistent drawing schedule since February. I've been stuck for a long time and my parents have little to no patience or tolerance for emotional pain, so often I never even speak of how I feel to them, not even as an artist. I tend to keep that life away from them cause of how traditional they are. More so for my sake rather than theirs. I'm getting to point now where I don't even think its worth being an artist at all anymore. Not even as a hobby. The only thing I feel like doing nowadays is hanging out with one or two friends and playing video games with them. That seems to be a better thing for me to do rather than stress over lines. I think its safe to say now that you guys won't be seeing anything from me for a while. Except for the occasional drawing or NSFW Kink art. I'm done trying to meet expectations and/or keep my viewership up.

I should say that I am not by any means leaving Bluesky or Furaffinity. I love Bluesky, its a lovely place for the furry community because of how much control you have over what you see. I wouldn't want to leave that at all. As far as Furaffinity, I post here mostly for archival purposes. This isn't one of those rants where its like "aaaa I'm leaving," no I'm still going to be very active online, just not the way you think I am. I'll be around for as long as I can. I'm also not going to completely dissociate myself from the furry art community. I am just pretty much putting my stylus pen down and closing up shop for a while. I don't know for how long, I guess however long it needs to take. This could be a sign of severe depression, but that's not necessarily something I want to talk about at the moment. Until I can find the drive I had for drawing again, I'm pretty much done for now. I'm amazed that I've been going for this long honestly, 2 and a half years...

- Dark

Hellyo everyone, um

So everything is not going great as far as my friend circle and also just the current state of things. I am not going to disclose what exactly because its kinda personal and I don't want to bombshell my friends. I have to close my commissions because I don't think I am going to be able to focus on them very much (not like I already haven't been able to, due to my decreasing mental health.) I apologize if this upsets you, however right now I just can't, I'm actually going to hurt myself over this shit. I am not okay . - .

best regards,
-Dark

Been a rough week, I worked at my job 3 days in a row. My job is outdoors and I had to work in the snow, so it was a lot. I'm taking a bit of a break from commissions because I'm feeling quite fatigued almost every day when I wake up, so I apologize for the delay. I'm hoping to get back on the commissions next week.

Commissions are now open!! If you are interested please send me a note or contact me on Bluesky!!
My main source of communication is discord, so if you are going to commission me and want to see progress, discord is ultimately recommended!

Commission Sheet:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59714549/

I recently released a new comic that I made a couple years back which I finally finished just yesterday. I was really happy about it because I was so stumped on what to add visually, I managed to get over that in the past couple of days and just finish the dang thing. But that's beside the point of this Journal. I wanted to ask if anyone is actually interested in my character's lore. Like does it appeal to anyone? If not I might just stop posting comics entirely on FA and post it somewhere else. I want to know what my followers like seeing more of. From the stats tab, many people seem to like Lucario and lewd inflation related content. However, I don't really believe the stats tell the entire truth. Those are all just numbers. What do ya'll like? I wanna hear from you :3c

Please do leave a comment ^^
I would like to hear what everyone has to say.

FA has needed a proper tag-blocking system for a very long time now and I am loving it so far. I can literally avoid seeing gross stuff and or very messed up things!! Thank you so much Fender and the FA team for implementing this feature, it means so much to me, you have no idea. Keep it up guys, this place literally cannot get any better... (or can it? >w>)

-Dark

Hello everyone, after a long recovery from.... "things." I am finally going to open up my commissions soon. So far I have accepted some commissions from friends just to get back into the swing of things, but hopefully soon I will be opening my comms back up to the public. I have opened my notes again and through there you can ask me for my discord if you wish to communicate better. Until then, I hope you guys have a Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

I've been on the FA discord for a long time now and I don't really pop in there a whole lot. The only reason why I am in the discord is to receive updates in-case of another cyber attack. However, I popped in there a few minutes ago and I saw how cursed the furry community can really be. I mean, most individuals that I've met in the furry community seem to have a healthy amount of braincells, but the FA discord is straight up brain dead... A common thing that I kept seeing is how people are judging the new policies, how they view specific kinks, and constantly argue at each other like barking dogs (literally.) I even saw someone say how FA should welcome people into the community, not allow them into it; quite frankly I don't really understand that. I feel as if these people seem to have this cultish understanding of how a community works and that bothers me quite a lot. I'm talking from a bystander's POV of course, I don't really have any input to give here, I just find it very concerning that people have such opinions. I mean like, I wouldn't be here unless FA had allowed me to make an account to post my artwork, did I earn the views and favorites? Yes, I did, but why do people want to take that away? This community honestly has me questioning my sanity and I think its best I leave the discord for the sake of separating myself from these maniacs. I really wish there was a better website to share my artworks, but right now all I can do is just sit like a rock and take every punch.

Might delete this later.

I'm closing my commissions. I don't know for how long, but I'm not really feeling it right now. I got hit pretty hard by an irl friend recently and honestly my mood is just really shitty, so I don't want to be taking that anger out on commissioners. So until things change, I'm done with commissions. I'll pin this journal so everyone can see. Heck, I might even close my notes so no one tries to nudge their way into trying to get me to do one. I'm sorry, but I need to be left alone. I'm not exactly at my most friendliest during this time. So please do me a favor and go commission a better artist. I'm no good.