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Absence and General Apologies
Posted 8 months agoHey ya'll,
Geez its been a while since I've done one of these, but I wanted to throw together a quick journo to not only explain my growing absence, but to apologize to those I've been in contact with over the years. Over the past maybe 2 years, my motivation to draw, or create in general, has drastically declined. I've found myself growing more distant, and others, entirely dethatched, from people I once enjoyed talking with. I've purged my discord's friends list, stopped responding to notes, and barely interact with comments. I am trying to fix this, but I'm unsure how to. I find myself engaging in projects I find exciting and challenging to complete, only to go 50% in and give up, never touching it again. I find myself interacting with a new person, getting to know them, and then just shying away less than a week later until they no longer have an interest in speaking with me. I don't do this out of malice, or self-pity, or out of annoyance, in fact, I very much want to talk with like minded individuals, but for some reason I just stop.
For those in the latter category, I apologize for my behavior, for simply "ghosting" you, as it were, I mean nor meant no disrespect, I wish I could continue talking to you, I wish I didn't feel such shyness towards engaging with you, and I wish I could go back in time and force myself to continue interacting positively with you. Maybe then I wouldn't be so alone, lol.
Sorry for rambling, have a Merry Christmas, and a hopeful New Year, take care.
Geez its been a while since I've done one of these, but I wanted to throw together a quick journo to not only explain my growing absence, but to apologize to those I've been in contact with over the years. Over the past maybe 2 years, my motivation to draw, or create in general, has drastically declined. I've found myself growing more distant, and others, entirely dethatched, from people I once enjoyed talking with. I've purged my discord's friends list, stopped responding to notes, and barely interact with comments. I am trying to fix this, but I'm unsure how to. I find myself engaging in projects I find exciting and challenging to complete, only to go 50% in and give up, never touching it again. I find myself interacting with a new person, getting to know them, and then just shying away less than a week later until they no longer have an interest in speaking with me. I don't do this out of malice, or self-pity, or out of annoyance, in fact, I very much want to talk with like minded individuals, but for some reason I just stop.
For those in the latter category, I apologize for my behavior, for simply "ghosting" you, as it were, I mean nor meant no disrespect, I wish I could continue talking to you, I wish I didn't feel such shyness towards engaging with you, and I wish I could go back in time and force myself to continue interacting positively with you. Maybe then I wouldn't be so alone, lol.
Sorry for rambling, have a Merry Christmas, and a hopeful New Year, take care.
1000 Watcherinos
Posted 2 years agoayoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
thanks homies
thanks homies
SQUID GAMES
Posted 2 years agoUNCLE BEN WHAT HAPPENED??
i have gone insane :)
i have gone insane :)
Mental Illness
Posted 3 years agoIt's hell. What more is there to say? 13% of the entire planet suffers from it. Many of us deal with it daily. It seems like a neverending battle, you take 2 steps forward, and it knocks you 4 steps back.
Mental illness is something I myself have struggled with for over a decade, at 15 I was diagnosed with chronic depression, at 17, my ADHD was re-diagnosed with autism, and, yet again, in 2021 I was diagnosed, again, with chronic depression.
This is a battle I've struggled with for 2 years, dealing with constant suicidal thoughts, urges, formulating plans, ect. But why?
I have everything I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, I have personal comforts, I have fresh drinking water, a job I love, a boyfriend, soon-to-be fiancé, who puts up with all the bullshit I throw at him. I have some level of skill with art, and a few very loyal friends.
I have what many people can only dream of. And yet, I still can't seem to shake the feeling. The constant pit in my stomach, the feeling of being unwanted, not good enough for people, unloved, hated even. Despite everything else, I feel this, more often than not. Why?
Therapy, medication, hobbies, skin to skin contact, why doesn't it help? Why am I not allowed to be happy with what I have? Why am I forced to feel worthless, to the point I have to struggle to stop myself from grabbing my gun off my nightstand and putting a hole in my temple? Why do I lay awake at night, with constant negative thoughts, worsening the feeling in my gut?
I have found these feelings only subside when on outings with my boyfriend, and now, even that isn't a constant. We went out last night, I bought a new longboard, we went to the mall, bought some stuff from Hot Topic, had a nice dinner, and yet, the entire time, I could only feel the feelings grow worse. Why?
I have tried, my entire adult life, to be a good person. I help everyone I can, when I can, no matter the personal cost to me. Whether it's talking them out of suicide, providing comfort during a stressful time, taking money out of my bank for them, or even pulling them out of a snow filled ditch in winter. I have all of this personal affirmation, all of these comforts, and yet, still, my mind torments me.
Suicide is something I've begun to grow comfortable with over the past 6 months. It used to terrify me, the idea of hurting my loved ones in such a selfish way, and yet now, I find the thought almost comforting. My soul feels like it's been crushed over the past year, losing parts of myself left and right, drawing, writing, engaging with friends, my comfort areas, anything. All I do is work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, and nothing else. My boyfriend, bless his heart, works his ass off to try and make me happy, and yet I can't even seem to find the energy to pay it forward unto him.
Why? Why am I such a miserable, privileged asshole? Why do I have, all of this, and yet, like a child, I'm fucking miserable? Why? What the hell is wrong with me?
Life sucks, and I'm growing to enjoy the idea of putting my lights out for the big nap a little earlier than planned.
Mental illness is something I myself have struggled with for over a decade, at 15 I was diagnosed with chronic depression, at 17, my ADHD was re-diagnosed with autism, and, yet again, in 2021 I was diagnosed, again, with chronic depression.
This is a battle I've struggled with for 2 years, dealing with constant suicidal thoughts, urges, formulating plans, ect. But why?
I have everything I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, I have personal comforts, I have fresh drinking water, a job I love, a boyfriend, soon-to-be fiancé, who puts up with all the bullshit I throw at him. I have some level of skill with art, and a few very loyal friends.
I have what many people can only dream of. And yet, I still can't seem to shake the feeling. The constant pit in my stomach, the feeling of being unwanted, not good enough for people, unloved, hated even. Despite everything else, I feel this, more often than not. Why?
Therapy, medication, hobbies, skin to skin contact, why doesn't it help? Why am I not allowed to be happy with what I have? Why am I forced to feel worthless, to the point I have to struggle to stop myself from grabbing my gun off my nightstand and putting a hole in my temple? Why do I lay awake at night, with constant negative thoughts, worsening the feeling in my gut?
I have found these feelings only subside when on outings with my boyfriend, and now, even that isn't a constant. We went out last night, I bought a new longboard, we went to the mall, bought some stuff from Hot Topic, had a nice dinner, and yet, the entire time, I could only feel the feelings grow worse. Why?
I have tried, my entire adult life, to be a good person. I help everyone I can, when I can, no matter the personal cost to me. Whether it's talking them out of suicide, providing comfort during a stressful time, taking money out of my bank for them, or even pulling them out of a snow filled ditch in winter. I have all of this personal affirmation, all of these comforts, and yet, still, my mind torments me.
Suicide is something I've begun to grow comfortable with over the past 6 months. It used to terrify me, the idea of hurting my loved ones in such a selfish way, and yet now, I find the thought almost comforting. My soul feels like it's been crushed over the past year, losing parts of myself left and right, drawing, writing, engaging with friends, my comfort areas, anything. All I do is work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, and nothing else. My boyfriend, bless his heart, works his ass off to try and make me happy, and yet I can't even seem to find the energy to pay it forward unto him.
Why? Why am I such a miserable, privileged asshole? Why do I have, all of this, and yet, like a child, I'm fucking miserable? Why? What the hell is wrong with me?
Life sucks, and I'm growing to enjoy the idea of putting my lights out for the big nap a little earlier than planned.
Quick, Disappointing Update
Posted 3 years agoHey, figured I'd let the few people still actively following me know instead of just leaving y'all in the dark.
I don't know how else to put this but, I don't know if I wanna continue drawing or not. A lot of things the past year, and especially the recent months have been taxxing my desire to work on things I'm passionate about, especially when they're met with.. less than satisfactory results.
I'm no longer enjoying drawing, and I haven't been for some time now. When I do draw nowadays, its usually a small, unshaded picture that takes a maximum of an hour to complete, shits just become a burden on me to even try anymore.
If I do upload, at all in the future, I'm sorry if you're disappointed, as the majority of it will likely just be more headshots or basic, low effort character pinups, I just can't hold my motivation long enough to do a full picture anymore.
As far as commissions, I've completely abandoned that idea, I can barely get motivated to draw for myself, let alone other people, sorry to disappoint, again.
But yeah, idk what else to sayLaters
Laziness, Motivation, and Drive
Posted 4 years agoHello again everyone and everything.
So, if you couldn't tell by the title of this journal, I'm suffering from an excess of one of these things, and a seemingly endless deprivation of the other two. I cannot seem, for the life of me, to throw together a semi-decent picture anymore, as I'm sure some of you may have noticed.
In short, my interest in drawing seems to be falling every day a little more, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it back up again. I love drawing my aeros, planes, tanks, even cars, and I love drawing my random animal characters too, including horses. But I legitimately can't seem to kick my disinterest in drawing.
I don't want to set anything in stone, but I truly feel as if my artistic hobby is dying. I'm not sure what it is, but two months ago is when it all started, I've just been slowly losing interest in seemingly everything, whether it be drawing, role-playing, hanging out with friends IRL, gaming, hell, even motorcycle riding, which is something I use to get away from everything else.
I don't feel like myself, and I haven't for quite some time now, I feel sort of like a shell of my previous self, cliché as it sounds. I guess I don't know, I have so many picture ideas, story ideas, ect. bottled up in my head, but can't force myself to commit to any of them for longer than a day, which is why I've started uploading these more simple, kinda shitty drawings more often.
I find myself looking at my gallery on my drawing app and seeing countless unfinished pictures, some as recent as 2 weeks ago, others, 2 years ago. Maybe I'm suffering from some extreme form of burnout, or maybe, its my mind telling me its time to call it quits for good, I honestly don't know.
To all that have tried contacting me as of late, I apologize if I've seemed disinterested or bothered, I'm not, I'm just in a weird place right now, I hope you can understand.
Anyways, that's all the more I can think to say.
Laters.Quick Update!!
Posted 4 years agoHey y'all.
Figured I'd shoot everyone a quick update to let you know what's going on with my page.
I'm gonna be shifting more towards living machines, airplanes, tanks, submarines, ect. for the foreseeable future. I've been doing horses for years, and living machines, planes especially hold a very special place in my childhood, and life as a whole.
So yeah, I'll still be doing my other "organic" characters, so don't worry about that. I won't entirely switch to just machines, just that you'll be seeing a lot more of em~
Anyway.. that's all, now get on outta here ya rascals~
Hope everyone's doing well, later!Official Discord Server
Posted 5 years agoThis is an announcement for the official discord server of the political party of TheDiaperHorsey.
There will be memes, suffering, and even, horses.
Aight for real though, ask for an invite, keeping it closed for personal reasons.
See you there, if you wanna join that is!Potential Discord Server?
Posted 5 years agoHey y'all! Just wanted to wish you a happy new year, and pop a quick question.
Would you want me to make a discord server? For sharing WiP updates, sketches, general ideas and conversations? I've been debating it for quite some time now, so I figure now would be the time to ask.
Anywhinny, hope y'all had a great Christmas!Laters!
ATTENTION BOIS
Posted 5 years agoI am drunk
That is all
Howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy texsa
MERRRY CHEUSTMAS!
That is all
Howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy howdy texsa
MERRRY CHEUSTMAS!
420 Watchers.
Posted 6 years agoN
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400 Watchers Y E E T
Posted 6 years agoWelp, fuggen 'ell. Didn't expect that so soon
Well, I suppose thanks are in order, once again! Thanks everyone/everypony for supporting me this far!
Love ya all!Stay Horsey my Friends...
~TDH
WiP Uploads Questions.
Posted 6 years agoI'll make this quick and brief.
If y'all haven't noticed, I've stopped uploading WiPs, aka, the original sketches.
My question to you all is; Do you prefer it this way? Or would you rather me start uploading WiPs again?
Thanks. Hope you're all well.
If y'all haven't noticed, I've stopped uploading WiPs, aka, the original sketches.
My question to you all is; Do you prefer it this way? Or would you rather me start uploading WiPs again?
Thanks. Hope you're all well.
Birthday Foal
Posted 6 years agoHooray! I turn 3 today! :D
BIG NEWS (kinda)
Posted 6 years agoAight, so, it's coming up on a month or so since my tablet borked. Pretty disappointing have to say.
But! I bring good news!
I've managed to save up enough money to finally afford the iPad pro I'm looking at. Hoping to have it by Tuesday next week!
So, in general, I've done several things over this month in my head, drawing ideas, new characters, ect.
What to expect? Well, for one, I am proud to say; I am officially back into macro again (thanks Godzilla) And will be drawing macro characters again.
I also made a new MLP character, a Male changeling by the name of "Crystal Shade", I'll be drawing him at some point too.
And finally, I'd like to start drawing more anthro as well.
Also! On the topic of macro characters, I've made 2 different versions of Seth as one. His normal macro form, and his "Titan" form. The titan form being the more animalistic macro (think Godzilla levels of animalistic).
But! Other than that, I'm just excited to finally be bringing y'all this news, so, I hope you're as happy to hear as I am to tell!!
Hope you're all doing well! Laters!Stay Horsey my Friends...
~TDH
Curious Question..
Posted 6 years agoSo, this is a bit random, but, I figured I'd ask, cause why not?
What do y'all "hear" my characters as? More or less, "What do you think they sound like" as far as voice goes?
Obviously, I have my own voices in my head, but everyone imagines differently!
No need to participate if you don't wanna!~TDH**Quick Update**
Posted 6 years agoSooo.. as it turns out, my tablet decided to shit the bed.. you know what that means..
I'm gonna try and save up for something like an iPad Pro, or perhaps just get another Samsung, not sure..
Either way, uploading, as expected, will of course be coming to an unwanted halt for me.
If I'm lucky, I can get myself going again in about 4 weeks time or so, but, we'll see what happens.
Hope you're all well, laters.Stay Horsey my Friends...
~TDH
Woah, 300 Watchers
Posted 7 years agoHay! I literally just noticed I hit 300 watchers!
But, with that being said, I am glad to announce that (after I finish this latest WiP), I will beeeee...
drum roll......
Offering commissions!
So yea, with that also being said, I need to make a page for commission info, so yea, hope you're happy to hear this!
Thanks for 300 guyses and girlses! And all you horsies and non horsies out there~ ;PStay Horsey my Friends...
~TDHSo..
Posted 7 years agoI've been thinking. A lot recently.
I've decided to finally ask the gnawing question on my mind to you all.
Do you want me to start offering commissions?
Generally, I'm open to drawing ponies more now than I was way back, so pony commissions are available.
Diaper stuff can be added as well.
I also want to do horse commissions as well, whether they be anthropomorphic or quadrupedal.
The reason I ask now, is because recently,
I've noticed a spike in my advancements in the drawing world, you'll see what I mean in a while when I upload a WiP (yes, I will finish it..)
Generaly, I think prices will run about 20 to 25 USD, depending on general complexity, all pictures, unless undesired, would come fully colored, and shaded.
Truthfully, I find myself wondering if anyone really cares anymore, but hey, it's worth a shot.
If you'd like this to happen, let me know, if you have friends who you think would be interested, please do tell them.
Thanks for reading, stay horsey,
~TDH 21 Years!
Posted 7 years agoIt's official! I'm 21 years old! Woo!
Have a great day yall!
Have a great day yall!
Random Q&A Thingy
Posted 7 years agoOkay! This is random, very random, but at some point I wanted to do one of these.
So I thought while my art block clears up, I'd do a Q&A thingy!
Ya'll can ask pretty much anything you want, within reason obviously, and I'll answer when I can.
If you wanna, throw it in the comments, I'll see it whenever.
Have a great days guyses and girlses.Stay Horsey my Friends...
~TDH/!\ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! /!\
Posted 8 years agoWooHoo!! Got some special news~
Guess who just hit two hundred watchers~?
This lil stinky butt did~!
Thank you guyses, girlses, horsies and non horsies so much!
We crawled there slowly but it finally happened!!
Thank you guys so much!!
Gonna think up something special to do to celebrate when I'm done with this upcoming pic and story...
Thanks SOOOOOOO much again!!!
Stay Horsey my Friends...
~TDHWhinnies at Everyone!
Posted 8 years agoSo, I've taken a long hard look at my profile tonight, at old pics, friends, stories, and honestly,
It's hard to believe it's only been a little over a year!
But what really caught my eye was my art quality and improvement over such a short time.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20062632/ Throwback to my first real upload.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24369633/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23422612/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22993157/
And my newer uploads!
My point being is that I've changed (not only diapers, BA DUM TSS), improved, and grown a lot.
And frankly, I'm proud of that! As I imagine anyone would be.
But anyways, enough wasting your time, thanks to all the original followers, and welcome to the newcomers!
The only air freshener you'll find here is my overflowing stinky diaper pail!
Thanks for sticking with your favorite Padded Stallion!Stay horsey my friends...
~TDHYay!....
Posted 8 years agoHooray! I no longer have a drawing tablet, so, idk if I'll be drawing any at all.
If I do, it'll prolly just be sketches, I really don't wanna go back to my phone tbh.
Woo! No drawing!.... yay...Stay horsey my friends...
~TDHEarly 200 Watchers Special! [READ PLZ!]
Posted 8 years agoWell, I came up with this idea a few moments ago while drawing.
A few days from now, I will be doing a multicharacter yhh (Your Horsey Here) pic.
A maximum of 4 slots will be available, so any of you diaper horsies out there, get ready!
Thanks for taking the time to read, have a great night!
And God help me with my finals this week...~TDH
