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Can We Make Love a Thing?
Posted 10 years agoSEND THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO IS DEPRESSED, BROKENHEARTED, ALONE, INSECURE, SAD, GRIEVING, RESTLESS, DEVASTATED, UPSET, FORGOTTEN, OUTCAST, BROKEN... AND LET LOVE RAIN OVER THEM <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7OGY1Jxp3o
We can change the world with love <3
Instructions For a Bad Day" by Shane Koyczan.
"There will be bad days.
Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly now. Let go.
Be confident. Know that "now" is only a moment, and that if "today" is as bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, "today" will have ended.
Be gracious. Accept each extended hand offered, to pull you back from the "somewhere" you cannot escape.
Be diligent. Scrape the gray sky clean. Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the Truth - and the Truth is, whether we see them or not, the Sun and Moon are still there and always there is Light.
Be forthright. Despite your instinct to say "it's alright, I'm okay" - be honest. Say how you feel without fear or guilt, without remorse or complexity.
Be lucid in your explanation, be sterling in your oppose. If you think for one second no one knows what you've been going through; be accepting of the fact that you are wrong, that the long drawn and heavy breaths of despair have at times been felt by everyone - that Pain is part of the Human Condition, and that alone makes you a legion.
We hungry underdogs, we risers with dawn, we dissmisser's of odds, we pressers of on - we will station ourselves to the calm. We will hold ourselves to the steady, be ready player one. Life is going to come at you armed with hard times and tough choices, your voice is your weapon, your thoughts ammunition - there are no free extra men, be aware that as the instant now passes, it exists now as then. So be a mirror reflecting yourself back, and remembering the times when you thought all of this was too hard and you'd never make it through.
Remember the times you could have pressed quit - but you hit continue.
Be forgiving. Living with the burden of anger, is not living. Giving your focus to wrath will leave your entire self absent of what you need. Love and hate are beasts and the one that grows is the one you feed.
Be persistent. Be the weed growing through the cracks in the cement, beautiful - because it doesn't know it's not supposed to grow there.
Be resolute. Declare what you accept as true in a way that envisions the resolve with which you accept it. If you are having a good day, be considerate. A simple smile could be the first-aid kit that someone has been looking for.
If you believe with absolute honesty that you are doing everything you can - do more. There will be bad days, Times when the world weighs on you for so long it leaves you looking for an easy way out. There will be moments when the drought of joy seems unending. Instances spent pretending that everything is alright when it clearly is not, check your blind spot. See that love is still there, be patient.
Every nightmare has a beginning, but every bad day has an end. Ignore what others have called you. I am calling you "friend". Make us comprehend the urgency of your crisis. Silence left to its own devices, breed's silence. So speak and be heard. One word after the next, express yourself and put your life in the context - if you find that no one is listening, be loud. Make noise. Stand in poise and be open. Hope in these situations is not enough and you will need someone to lean on. In the unlikely event that you have no one, look again.
Everyone is blessed with the ability to Listen. The Deaf will hear you with their Eyes. The Blind will see you with their Hands. Let your Heart fill their news-stands, let them read all about it. Admit to the bad days, the impossible nights. Listen to the insights of those who have been there, but come back. They will tell you; you can stack misery, you can pack disappear you can even wear your sorrow - but come tomorrow you must change your clothes.
Everyone knows Pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely, so be certain in the belief that what pain belongs to now will belong soon to then. That when someone asks you "how was your day", realize that for some of us, it's the only way we know how to say "be calm".
Loosen your grip, opening each palm, slowly now - let go."
Blessings and love to all of you :3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7OGY1Jxp3o
We can change the world with love <3
Instructions For a Bad Day" by Shane Koyczan.
"There will be bad days.
Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly now. Let go.
Be confident. Know that "now" is only a moment, and that if "today" is as bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, "today" will have ended.
Be gracious. Accept each extended hand offered, to pull you back from the "somewhere" you cannot escape.
Be diligent. Scrape the gray sky clean. Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the Truth - and the Truth is, whether we see them or not, the Sun and Moon are still there and always there is Light.
Be forthright. Despite your instinct to say "it's alright, I'm okay" - be honest. Say how you feel without fear or guilt, without remorse or complexity.
Be lucid in your explanation, be sterling in your oppose. If you think for one second no one knows what you've been going through; be accepting of the fact that you are wrong, that the long drawn and heavy breaths of despair have at times been felt by everyone - that Pain is part of the Human Condition, and that alone makes you a legion.
We hungry underdogs, we risers with dawn, we dissmisser's of odds, we pressers of on - we will station ourselves to the calm. We will hold ourselves to the steady, be ready player one. Life is going to come at you armed with hard times and tough choices, your voice is your weapon, your thoughts ammunition - there are no free extra men, be aware that as the instant now passes, it exists now as then. So be a mirror reflecting yourself back, and remembering the times when you thought all of this was too hard and you'd never make it through.
Remember the times you could have pressed quit - but you hit continue.
Be forgiving. Living with the burden of anger, is not living. Giving your focus to wrath will leave your entire self absent of what you need. Love and hate are beasts and the one that grows is the one you feed.
Be persistent. Be the weed growing through the cracks in the cement, beautiful - because it doesn't know it's not supposed to grow there.
Be resolute. Declare what you accept as true in a way that envisions the resolve with which you accept it. If you are having a good day, be considerate. A simple smile could be the first-aid kit that someone has been looking for.
If you believe with absolute honesty that you are doing everything you can - do more. There will be bad days, Times when the world weighs on you for so long it leaves you looking for an easy way out. There will be moments when the drought of joy seems unending. Instances spent pretending that everything is alright when it clearly is not, check your blind spot. See that love is still there, be patient.
Every nightmare has a beginning, but every bad day has an end. Ignore what others have called you. I am calling you "friend". Make us comprehend the urgency of your crisis. Silence left to its own devices, breed's silence. So speak and be heard. One word after the next, express yourself and put your life in the context - if you find that no one is listening, be loud. Make noise. Stand in poise and be open. Hope in these situations is not enough and you will need someone to lean on. In the unlikely event that you have no one, look again.
Everyone is blessed with the ability to Listen. The Deaf will hear you with their Eyes. The Blind will see you with their Hands. Let your Heart fill their news-stands, let them read all about it. Admit to the bad days, the impossible nights. Listen to the insights of those who have been there, but come back. They will tell you; you can stack misery, you can pack disappear you can even wear your sorrow - but come tomorrow you must change your clothes.
Everyone knows Pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely, so be certain in the belief that what pain belongs to now will belong soon to then. That when someone asks you "how was your day", realize that for some of us, it's the only way we know how to say "be calm".
Loosen your grip, opening each palm, slowly now - let go."
Blessings and love to all of you :3
And it's 3AM haha x3
Posted 10 years agoOne thing I need to work on is going to bed on time X3
UPDATE:
OF RAGE AND REDEMPTION
Tile Page nearly completed! Been working on it since 7PM and stopped around 245AM :P
So excited to be releasing this one! :D
Update me over what I missed since we last talked in October or before that! I hope you all are doing well ^^
Cheers and blessings 8-)
UPDATE:
OF RAGE AND REDEMPTION
Tile Page nearly completed! Been working on it since 7PM and stopped around 245AM :P
So excited to be releasing this one! :D
Update me over what I missed since we last talked in October or before that! I hope you all are doing well ^^
Cheers and blessings 8-)
*cough*
Posted 10 years agoI'm really good at vanishing.
Something to look forward to:
OF RAGE AND REDEMPTION ~ COMING SOON
Talk you guys later.
Christopher
Something to look forward to:
OF RAGE AND REDEMPTION ~ COMING SOON
Talk you guys later.
Christopher
Update & Farewell
Posted 11 years agoFor the past few weeks, as many of you know, I have been absent from FurAffinity, babyfur.me and Skype as I have been going to a recovery home known as the Straight Up Discipleship and Life Skills home. No, I am not a drug addict, alcoholic or anything like that although it is a surprise to the leader that I am not one. It is here that I have discovered that I struggle with codependency which means I am overly dependent on others and I am terrified of being alone. Codependents, like myself, are always trying to please everyone while they think of themselves as insignificant and worthless persons. They are desperate for acceptance and many (like myself) are screaming on the inside for it. In many ways, they trust easily, form quick soul-ties with others and refuse to let people go. I have ultimately came to a very unhealthy extreme with this in which I had arrived at a point in which I had been so desperate to be accepted, I was willing to betray all my morals just to fit in. Honestly, I did not care; I just wanted to be accepted so badly. My whole life, I faced rejection and to this day, I still do. If only I knew that I was only causing more damage by meeting my legitimate needs with illegitimate means.
It was here at Straight Up where it has been revealed to me that I have nothing to give anyone because I am so empty inside. I see the veracity in that: what have I been able to give without hurting someone? Hurt people hurt others. Broken people in a relationship means a broken situation. Ask anyone; they do know for a fact that I brought pain to so many people especially those I cared about most. My biggest problem is I get hurt way too easily and I make myself the victim. What do I have to offer you? A broken heart is all I have to offer. And my desire for acceptance has led me to constantly cover up my face with a mask to try to appeal to the nature of others and now I have no idea what is my real personality. To please others, I am absolutely willing to forget about my comfort, feelings and boundaries. My mentor and spiritual daddy, Mark, told me that I may be a 21 year old young man on the outside but on the inside, I am just a little boy screaming for attention. Also, I discovered that my primary love language is physical touch rather than words of affirmation which I thought it was for a long time. No. Being hugged or held in someone's arms means everything to me.
It has become more and more apparent that I am to move into the Straight Up home in which I am going to stay at until I am able to stand on my own two legs. I have had a glimpse of my destiny and I often hear others saying they see a leader in me. Although I am unsure of what it may be exactly, all I can do is allow the boat to be steered to the proper course. Moving in with a new family is absolutely terrifying to me; I cannot bear the thought of leaving behind all I know here. But I am willing to do it because I have found both acceptance and unconditional love at Straight Up Discipleship and Life Skills home. The others living there already consider me family and they are in the process of readying a place for me to stay. I really wish I had a job so I can pay room and board... yet, it is not that easy nowadays.
Long story short, I will be leaving all of this behind as it is an illegitimate means for my legitimate needs. I leave an apology to all of those that I have hurt. I do not know how many times I have apologized to some, but I shall say "sorry" one last time. And I am terribly sorry to those that I have disappointed in failing to be a daddy to them as well as those I am abandoning. Right now, you are better off without me because I have nothing to give you. The only thing I can give you is a broken heart. I already removed most of you from Skype which wretched me inside and made me even more empty but it must be done. It pains me to say goodbye to all of you... but I refuse to continue living so broken and empty.
I am truly, deeply sorry to those that I did greatly impact.
Should you wish to remain in contact with me, here is my Skype: yourrisingstorm. Or send me a message telling me so but I am not going to be something I am not. I am not a babyfur, ABDL or a furry anymore. All I am now is a broken person searching for healing.
Farewell.
Christopher T. Benton
FKA Jazz and Scamp
It was here at Straight Up where it has been revealed to me that I have nothing to give anyone because I am so empty inside. I see the veracity in that: what have I been able to give without hurting someone? Hurt people hurt others. Broken people in a relationship means a broken situation. Ask anyone; they do know for a fact that I brought pain to so many people especially those I cared about most. My biggest problem is I get hurt way too easily and I make myself the victim. What do I have to offer you? A broken heart is all I have to offer. And my desire for acceptance has led me to constantly cover up my face with a mask to try to appeal to the nature of others and now I have no idea what is my real personality. To please others, I am absolutely willing to forget about my comfort, feelings and boundaries. My mentor and spiritual daddy, Mark, told me that I may be a 21 year old young man on the outside but on the inside, I am just a little boy screaming for attention. Also, I discovered that my primary love language is physical touch rather than words of affirmation which I thought it was for a long time. No. Being hugged or held in someone's arms means everything to me.
It has become more and more apparent that I am to move into the Straight Up home in which I am going to stay at until I am able to stand on my own two legs. I have had a glimpse of my destiny and I often hear others saying they see a leader in me. Although I am unsure of what it may be exactly, all I can do is allow the boat to be steered to the proper course. Moving in with a new family is absolutely terrifying to me; I cannot bear the thought of leaving behind all I know here. But I am willing to do it because I have found both acceptance and unconditional love at Straight Up Discipleship and Life Skills home. The others living there already consider me family and they are in the process of readying a place for me to stay. I really wish I had a job so I can pay room and board... yet, it is not that easy nowadays.
Long story short, I will be leaving all of this behind as it is an illegitimate means for my legitimate needs. I leave an apology to all of those that I have hurt. I do not know how many times I have apologized to some, but I shall say "sorry" one last time. And I am terribly sorry to those that I have disappointed in failing to be a daddy to them as well as those I am abandoning. Right now, you are better off without me because I have nothing to give you. The only thing I can give you is a broken heart. I already removed most of you from Skype which wretched me inside and made me even more empty but it must be done. It pains me to say goodbye to all of you... but I refuse to continue living so broken and empty.
I am truly, deeply sorry to those that I did greatly impact.
Should you wish to remain in contact with me, here is my Skype: yourrisingstorm. Or send me a message telling me so but I am not going to be something I am not. I am not a babyfur, ABDL or a furry anymore. All I am now is a broken person searching for healing.
Farewell.
Christopher T. Benton
FKA Jazz and Scamp
RED Friday- October 24 (Tomorrow)
Posted 11 years agoRemember our fallen brothers.
Embrace their lives, their cause, the weight of their loss, and their loved ones.
but most importantly,
Don't forget their lives, what they stood for, how they died, and the ones that they left behind.
To commemorate and mourn our fallen brothers, and in commemoration of Cpl Nathan Cirillo, and (former Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent.)
We ask that you wear red (or a poppy) As a sign of respect, in the spirit of support, and national community, on Friday, October 24.
PLEASE SHARE EVENT, and invite friends!! The more, the better! (Canadian event, but international supporters please, by all means feel free to join us. )
Embrace their lives, their cause, the weight of their loss, and their loved ones.
but most importantly,
Don't forget their lives, what they stood for, how they died, and the ones that they left behind.
To commemorate and mourn our fallen brothers, and in commemoration of Cpl Nathan Cirillo, and (former Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent.)
We ask that you wear red (or a poppy) As a sign of respect, in the spirit of support, and national community, on Friday, October 24.
PLEASE SHARE EVENT, and invite friends!! The more, the better! (Canadian event, but international supporters please, by all means feel free to join us. )
TMI TUESDAY
Posted 11 years agoI'm boooooored. Ask me thinnnnnnnnngs. Please? c:
Short Story: Airplane Go "Vrooooom!"
Posted 11 years agoNothing beats playing with a toy airplane and running around the house, pretending it can fly super fast and allowing the imagination to run wild! And the best way to do it is with the least amount of resistance for running as possible. In other words: ditch the clothes and run! For a little tyke like Scamp, this is almost in every daily routine of him picking up the same toy plane and trying to run as fast as he can around with it, trying to mimic jet engine noises. To some, this is adorable and they would encourage it as much as possible. But to a caretaker who has been up most of the night and is now attempting to get a few brief moments of shut-eye, this can be quite the annoying racket. Jazz groans and bemoans the obnoxious behaviour as the hyperactive baby comes screaming into his one moment of rest and relaxation, and instantly the moment dissolves.
"AIRPLANE GO 'VROOOOOOOOOOM!' Lookit how super-duper fast it is!" the pup giggles gleefully as he dashes around the living room, with an outstretched arm, pretending he has a wing, "WHEEEEEEE!"
"Scamp Mackenzie Breezy!" the irritated Golden Alaskan malamute mutt called from his prone-like position on the sofa, "What have I told you about running in the house and being unnecessarily loud?"
Stopping dead in his tracks upon hearing his full name, the four year old looks up into the displeased face of his caretaker, giving the saddest, pouty face he could put forward, "Uh... yoo says dun do it...?"
Jazz sits himself upright to address the pup, maintaining a crossed expression and body language, "Indeed I did. So, why do you pretend like I said nothing, hmm?"
Instead of giving the adult a straight answer, Scamp chooses to do the usual child's response and simply shrugs his shoulders, "I'unno..."
A sharp woof nearly puts the young miniature schnauzer-mix into tears as the malamute presses two fingers against his own forehead and massages it in a circular motion, groaning a bit, "Scamp. You know you're not suppose to run around, screaming in my house. So, how about enough is enough now, okay?"
"I guess..."
"No, Scamp." Jazz speaks in a grave tone to remind the child who was in control, "If you do not listen to me, you go for a nap."
This got Scamp's attention and he barks in defiance, "NUH!"
A simple raise of an eyebrow, questioning the baby's defiance is more than enough to cause the young pup to fall silent instantaneously. His golden eyes downcast as he looks down at his feetpaws and wiggles his toes in silence, not wanting to further his little predicament.
"That's what I thought," Jazz feathers a paw through his dark brown hair "Now, go do something quietly while I get in a quick siesta, okay?"
Giving his best smile of innocence, Scamp nods as he goes to toddle out of the living room, "Okiedokie, Dada!"
Jazz grins as he lays back down on the sofa, "Now remember, my boy: QUIETLY and NO RUNNING."
Before the little schnauzer leaves the living room, he waits patiently for the mutt's eyes to close and for snoring to signal that the adult is unconscious. Upon hearing the rhythmic breathing rate after watching the eyelids close, Scamp giggles and lifts up his airplane above his shoulder height, "Hehe... airplane go 'vrooooom!' Gotta fly at super-duper speed!"
*****
Wrote this up in approximately 20 minutes. No effort included.
*****
All characters belong to TheEndIsWhereWeBegin.
Written by: YourRisingStorm
As seen on: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14437137/
"AIRPLANE GO 'VROOOOOOOOOOM!' Lookit how super-duper fast it is!" the pup giggles gleefully as he dashes around the living room, with an outstretched arm, pretending he has a wing, "WHEEEEEEE!"
"Scamp Mackenzie Breezy!" the irritated Golden Alaskan malamute mutt called from his prone-like position on the sofa, "What have I told you about running in the house and being unnecessarily loud?"
Stopping dead in his tracks upon hearing his full name, the four year old looks up into the displeased face of his caretaker, giving the saddest, pouty face he could put forward, "Uh... yoo says dun do it...?"
Jazz sits himself upright to address the pup, maintaining a crossed expression and body language, "Indeed I did. So, why do you pretend like I said nothing, hmm?"
Instead of giving the adult a straight answer, Scamp chooses to do the usual child's response and simply shrugs his shoulders, "I'unno..."
A sharp woof nearly puts the young miniature schnauzer-mix into tears as the malamute presses two fingers against his own forehead and massages it in a circular motion, groaning a bit, "Scamp. You know you're not suppose to run around, screaming in my house. So, how about enough is enough now, okay?"
"I guess..."
"No, Scamp." Jazz speaks in a grave tone to remind the child who was in control, "If you do not listen to me, you go for a nap."
This got Scamp's attention and he barks in defiance, "NUH!"
A simple raise of an eyebrow, questioning the baby's defiance is more than enough to cause the young pup to fall silent instantaneously. His golden eyes downcast as he looks down at his feetpaws and wiggles his toes in silence, not wanting to further his little predicament.
"That's what I thought," Jazz feathers a paw through his dark brown hair "Now, go do something quietly while I get in a quick siesta, okay?"
Giving his best smile of innocence, Scamp nods as he goes to toddle out of the living room, "Okiedokie, Dada!"
Jazz grins as he lays back down on the sofa, "Now remember, my boy: QUIETLY and NO RUNNING."
Before the little schnauzer leaves the living room, he waits patiently for the mutt's eyes to close and for snoring to signal that the adult is unconscious. Upon hearing the rhythmic breathing rate after watching the eyelids close, Scamp giggles and lifts up his airplane above his shoulder height, "Hehe... airplane go 'vrooooom!' Gotta fly at super-duper speed!"
*****
Wrote this up in approximately 20 minutes. No effort included.
*****
All characters belong to TheEndIsWhereWeBegin.
Written by: YourRisingStorm
As seen on: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14437137/
What if...?
Posted 11 years agoWhat if I wrote a short story for every piece of art I have ever received? Would anyone be interested in reading said stories?
Jazz~
Jazz~
Sometimes...
Posted 11 years agoSometimes when people do this http://globalnews.ca/news/1619464/w.....-is-a-veteran/ I have NO sympathy at all for them. I mean, you have got to be kidding me! This useless piece of shit thinks he is entitled to being called a veteran but did not even freaking complete Basic Training! I mean, seriously, what the hell is wrong with this person?! By claiming he is a veteran, he is insulting the term that is given to heroes who have actually been put in the face of danger. And he claims he now suffers post-traumatic stress disorder. Give me a break! I doubt his drill instructor (not Drill Sergeant because Canada does NOT have Drill Sergeants) was threatening to kill him. You cannot get post-traumatic stress disorder from Basic Training! It's nearly improbable!
To quote even the most simplistic source about PTSD from Wikipedia: "Posttraumatic stress disorder(PTSD) may develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as sexual assault, warfare, serious injury, or threats of imminent death." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttr.....tress_disorder) And more importantly, there is also this: "Most people having experienced a traumatizing event will not develop PTSD."
It is almost impossible to claim that a traumatic experience that is non-life threatening or does not result in serious injury as post-traumatic stress disorder. And who the hell in their right mind takes that much medication?! If anything, this guy is only a pill-popper who is now completely gone to shit in the mind. And if you think I am attacking the guy, he is bullshitting the whole story. If you go onto his Facebook page, there are pictures of him smiling on a boat back in 2012 made public to everyone. As many other disgusted, enraged people stated: if you have PTSD, you are not smiling nor are you having a good time!
To conclude, if you cannot pass Basic Training, that is not your superior's fault at all. Basic Training for the Canadian Forces nowadays is NOTHING like it used to be a decade ago. They teach you teamwork and get you combat-ready. And if you happen to be medically discharged from it, it's to keep your ass safe because the enemy would not sympathize with you for the slightest second!
People like this DISGUST me. He has NO right to call himself a veteran. If anything, he is looking for a government paycheque because he was a failure at joining the military. While actual retired members of the Canadian Forces are fighting to get medical benefits, this tub of shit makes headlines news and will most likely get his benefits... for simply being the biggest pussy ever.
Seriously people.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. SERIOUS. FUCK.
I'm done ranting about this whimp-ass pussy.
Fuck him and fuck everyone like him.
To quote even the most simplistic source about PTSD from Wikipedia: "Posttraumatic stress disorder(PTSD) may develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as sexual assault, warfare, serious injury, or threats of imminent death." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttr.....tress_disorder) And more importantly, there is also this: "Most people having experienced a traumatizing event will not develop PTSD."
It is almost impossible to claim that a traumatic experience that is non-life threatening or does not result in serious injury as post-traumatic stress disorder. And who the hell in their right mind takes that much medication?! If anything, this guy is only a pill-popper who is now completely gone to shit in the mind. And if you think I am attacking the guy, he is bullshitting the whole story. If you go onto his Facebook page, there are pictures of him smiling on a boat back in 2012 made public to everyone. As many other disgusted, enraged people stated: if you have PTSD, you are not smiling nor are you having a good time!
To conclude, if you cannot pass Basic Training, that is not your superior's fault at all. Basic Training for the Canadian Forces nowadays is NOTHING like it used to be a decade ago. They teach you teamwork and get you combat-ready. And if you happen to be medically discharged from it, it's to keep your ass safe because the enemy would not sympathize with you for the slightest second!
People like this DISGUST me. He has NO right to call himself a veteran. If anything, he is looking for a government paycheque because he was a failure at joining the military. While actual retired members of the Canadian Forces are fighting to get medical benefits, this tub of shit makes headlines news and will most likely get his benefits... for simply being the biggest pussy ever.
Seriously people.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. SERIOUS. FUCK.
I'm done ranting about this whimp-ass pussy.
Fuck him and fuck everyone like him.
Enlisting... Running Away (Something of a Rant)
Posted 11 years agoWell, it has been quite interesting over here. I am currently still unemployed but dealing with hemorrhoids (wahoo... -w-) and the pain that results from that. Still very wishy-washy with my mood and whatnot. And last night my mood crashed because it's one of those consistent things that happens at least once every two weeks or so.
I don't think people get it at all.
I'm joining the military to lessen my dependency on someone because honestly this online thing has brought me more emotional pain than all the physical events that happened to me. Guess it's kinda like running away. And its just to get away from the people who I feel like I'm meaningless to but I'm only sticking around cuz they totally guilt-trip if I go. I'm not looking for happiness. I'm looking for a solid job in which I get to keep myself occupied most of the time... and I feel obligated to serve my country at the same time.
I'm just so tired of feeling worthless. I'm coming up to my 6th year being a babyfur but no one has ever given me reason to stay. So I've just decided to disappear for a while... maybe until basic training is completed. Hoping to be fully enlisted by January. But I don't know. All I know is right now, my employment application to the Canadian Forces has been selected for further processing and I am now waiting to hear back from them for an appointment with a recruiter.
People say I'm difficult for the way I am never satisfied with what I have but I don't think they understand that I don't have what I want and every time I think I found it, I'm back to the drawing board within two weeks. It's kinda like a false pretentious hope. My experience with this fandom is I exist solely to please people but no one ever really sows into me. I have to initiate everything and do everything myself. The moment I stop, most people forget I even exist. And no matter how many times I express myself with how I feel, I disappear and fade away in the background within a couple days. I kinda feel like I'm now obligated to always initiate everything because the moment I stop, I don't exist. And this has become a compulsive behavior I cannot avoid. The longest I can go avoiding someone on purpose to see if they will come around is five days then I get exasperated and try to get their attention.
It's very difficult for me to continue living like this and feeling like I'm being turned away all the time. Well, at least I don't have to worry about this in the military... going for a trade in it, so hoping to at least put 10 years in. And yeah... that's way better than being here feeling alone and unwanted.
So. That's the general gist of what's going on.
To quote something from one of my favourite movies, The Shawshank Redemption: "Same old shit, different day." -Red (Morgan Freeman)
Thanks for listening.
Jazz
I don't think people get it at all.
I'm joining the military to lessen my dependency on someone because honestly this online thing has brought me more emotional pain than all the physical events that happened to me. Guess it's kinda like running away. And its just to get away from the people who I feel like I'm meaningless to but I'm only sticking around cuz they totally guilt-trip if I go. I'm not looking for happiness. I'm looking for a solid job in which I get to keep myself occupied most of the time... and I feel obligated to serve my country at the same time.
I'm just so tired of feeling worthless. I'm coming up to my 6th year being a babyfur but no one has ever given me reason to stay. So I've just decided to disappear for a while... maybe until basic training is completed. Hoping to be fully enlisted by January. But I don't know. All I know is right now, my employment application to the Canadian Forces has been selected for further processing and I am now waiting to hear back from them for an appointment with a recruiter.
People say I'm difficult for the way I am never satisfied with what I have but I don't think they understand that I don't have what I want and every time I think I found it, I'm back to the drawing board within two weeks. It's kinda like a false pretentious hope. My experience with this fandom is I exist solely to please people but no one ever really sows into me. I have to initiate everything and do everything myself. The moment I stop, most people forget I even exist. And no matter how many times I express myself with how I feel, I disappear and fade away in the background within a couple days. I kinda feel like I'm now obligated to always initiate everything because the moment I stop, I don't exist. And this has become a compulsive behavior I cannot avoid. The longest I can go avoiding someone on purpose to see if they will come around is five days then I get exasperated and try to get their attention.
It's very difficult for me to continue living like this and feeling like I'm being turned away all the time. Well, at least I don't have to worry about this in the military... going for a trade in it, so hoping to at least put 10 years in. And yeah... that's way better than being here feeling alone and unwanted.
So. That's the general gist of what's going on.
To quote something from one of my favourite movies, The Shawshank Redemption: "Same old shit, different day." -Red (Morgan Freeman)
Thanks for listening.
Jazz
Just Some Need-to-Know Guidelines for You
Posted 11 years agoRP Guidelines
If you did not know, I am not a very tolerant person with a number of things. And certain things I see occur over and over again and again in RPs irks me enough to draft up a list of guidelines for those who want to roleplay with me, because even if I call it out, it falls upon deaf ears and I am back to the drawing board over this. So, these are things that I have noticed from a variety of people and simply things I want to keep excluded completely. Do not take it to heart if I have explicitly called out something that you have done in an RP. This is not to condemn actions but to help you understand how to roleplay with me better and thus build stronger connections with me.
1. If you are going to be the caretaker or have authority over me, LEAVE OUT your own babyfur side. Throwing yours into the mix defeats the purpose of caretaking because I usually have to end up being the grown up and doing that stuff. I absolutely REFUSE to do so because I absolutely HATE having to lose out on my own cubtime. And if you wonder why the RP goes quiet, that usually is why.
2. NO CUSSING. Unless it is an adult-to-adult RP, I may okay the behaviour, but please watch your mouth around little me. As a mature character, I do not find it to be all too taboo. Mostly because some of these words are in my own vocabulary and it would be hypocritical if I impose those words out. The f-word I try to restrict mostly to out-of-character settings. Avoid ALL derogatory words that shame other’s race, religion, beliefs, sex, etc.
3. If I am RPing as a child, I am going to behave like a child. So telling me that I have to help you out with any adult work, you have got to be nuts. All the younger sides of my character are usually much shorter, weaker, and with a younger mental capacity than the average child of that age so while a normal kid would be able to do it, my character will not be able to.
4. I absolutely hate it when people “cheat” in RPs. What is cheating, you may ask? Simple. Magic. It completely defeats the purpose of having to deal with the complications of caring for a child and ruins cub-caretaker bonding time in other ways such as bathtime or during a diaper change. Whenever someone uses it, it switches my RP mindset off and you can bet that the RP will most likely end in the next minute or so.
5. If I am RPing as a child, usually I am looking to you for guidance so if you are constantly asking questions, I will most likely give you a blank look and try to answer that question in the sense of a child unsure of what you have asked of them. I am typically fine with any RP layout as long as it is within reason so most of the time, the answer will be “yes” anyways. If not, I will go into communicating in parenthesis to explain why I will not do so. Or how about you not ask questions and experiment for yourself to see how I will respond. You will usually get your answer that way too.
6. Be reasonable. If you are with a child in real life, chances are he/she is not going to eat that apple and muffin for breakfast, or that salad for lunch. Exactly the same way I will be RPing like as a child. Do not expect a child to be acting with the mannerism of an adult. They are two completely bipolar concepts. And again, it would be defeating the purpose of my character even being little.
7. Do NOT treat my baby or child character as a real life dog. My character is to be treated simply as you would treat a human child. (If you would pick one up by the scruff of the neck, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you). Making dog noises, tail wagging, panting, and licking is about as close to acting like a normal dog I will ever get in an RP.
8. Do NOT be creepy! Seriously people. Do not be all obsessed over my character’s diaper status and be all feeling it just to give yourself pleasure… because that is just freaking creepy! Do not make any reference to my character’s private parts or anything in a sexual manner. Anyone who behaves like this will not even receive a warning to not do so. They will be promptly blocked effective immediately. Unless I give permission to do so beforehand, I may allow it. But usually this is a Red Flag Zone. As Kah Mun Rah in Night of the Museum 2 says “DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE!”
9. Do NOT centre the RP only on diaper changes. I think that itself is self-explanatory. It is both annoying and rude.
10. Do NOT give yourself the ability to do anything to my character without previous consent. Now this does mean taking to bed, dressing up in something… no. What I mean by this is giving your character the ability to alter my character in any way, and this includes saying “you start to poo in your pants” and whatever else that alters my character’s behaviour or structure. I make my own decision on that, thank you very much. FOY products are something I will allow, however, everything else is intolerable.
11. As a caretaker, I usually make it my mandate to be as caring, loving, and protective as possible while maintaining firm principles and distributing discipline when necessary. However, I am only a caretaker until the cub so chooses to change what position I am to them; I do not enjoy portraying myself as anything besides a caretaker without consent first and foremost. Should you choose to refer to me as “Daddy”, I will accept it as that and go forth from there as only in the RP.
12. If I am “Daddy” to you in a RP, do not expect that relationship to immediately be in said effect as a fur father. I prefer taking the time to get to know my cubs. Currently I have three pups of whom I do consider my own. Will that number increase? It is difficult to say but I do wish to keep it at five. Usually this is where I will step in to seek permission to be the fur father or not. Fur father does not mean real life caretaker. I choose not to pass myself forth as one.
13. The following RPs I will not do: bondage, vore, anything explicitly sexual, magic, or transformation. I will actively participate in nearly anything else but I do have a tolerance limit. Feel free to enquire if I will RP a certain way at any time.
14. Use the correct words if you are the caretaker. Do not give your character baby speech unless they are the baby. I really do not like it when caretakers say “hai” rather than “hi” because my first thought is they are cubby and I have to move on to find a caretaker who is willing to care for me.
15. I try to leave emoticons out of those descriptive RPs that are structured in the format of a story mostly because it looks much neater. If you can follow the same trend too, that would be fantastic.
16. Skype is the main RPing method and with continue to be that way. Notes in FA are good for beginning RPs but if you can switch over to Skype, that would be greatly appreciated. If possible, we can work out other means for RPing.
17. When RPing, do not make it difficult to understand. I have only one exception for someone dear to me who has a writing impediment. And no “me going to do” …just no referring yourself as “me”! This is a huge pet-peeve of mine as I cannot stand people who do that. “I” is best. Even if you are a cub, try to think of one child who refers to themselves as “me”. I have not heard one do that and I have been around little children for a long while.
RP Suggestions
1. If you can, try to write with paragraphs if possible. Avoiding the use of the “ * ” and trying to structure it out in sentences looks a lot better and makes it easier to read for me. The longer it is and the more detail included, the better I like it.
That is everything for now. I may update this frequently to enable you to be able to have great RPs with me. Hope everyone will be able to understand how this works. I’m probably the only person who has drafted out RP Guidelines but that is because I am much more intolerant than the average person.
Jazz~
If you did not know, I am not a very tolerant person with a number of things. And certain things I see occur over and over again and again in RPs irks me enough to draft up a list of guidelines for those who want to roleplay with me, because even if I call it out, it falls upon deaf ears and I am back to the drawing board over this. So, these are things that I have noticed from a variety of people and simply things I want to keep excluded completely. Do not take it to heart if I have explicitly called out something that you have done in an RP. This is not to condemn actions but to help you understand how to roleplay with me better and thus build stronger connections with me.
1. If you are going to be the caretaker or have authority over me, LEAVE OUT your own babyfur side. Throwing yours into the mix defeats the purpose of caretaking because I usually have to end up being the grown up and doing that stuff. I absolutely REFUSE to do so because I absolutely HATE having to lose out on my own cubtime. And if you wonder why the RP goes quiet, that usually is why.
2. NO CUSSING. Unless it is an adult-to-adult RP, I may okay the behaviour, but please watch your mouth around little me. As a mature character, I do not find it to be all too taboo. Mostly because some of these words are in my own vocabulary and it would be hypocritical if I impose those words out. The f-word I try to restrict mostly to out-of-character settings. Avoid ALL derogatory words that shame other’s race, religion, beliefs, sex, etc.
3. If I am RPing as a child, I am going to behave like a child. So telling me that I have to help you out with any adult work, you have got to be nuts. All the younger sides of my character are usually much shorter, weaker, and with a younger mental capacity than the average child of that age so while a normal kid would be able to do it, my character will not be able to.
4. I absolutely hate it when people “cheat” in RPs. What is cheating, you may ask? Simple. Magic. It completely defeats the purpose of having to deal with the complications of caring for a child and ruins cub-caretaker bonding time in other ways such as bathtime or during a diaper change. Whenever someone uses it, it switches my RP mindset off and you can bet that the RP will most likely end in the next minute or so.
5. If I am RPing as a child, usually I am looking to you for guidance so if you are constantly asking questions, I will most likely give you a blank look and try to answer that question in the sense of a child unsure of what you have asked of them. I am typically fine with any RP layout as long as it is within reason so most of the time, the answer will be “yes” anyways. If not, I will go into communicating in parenthesis to explain why I will not do so. Or how about you not ask questions and experiment for yourself to see how I will respond. You will usually get your answer that way too.
6. Be reasonable. If you are with a child in real life, chances are he/she is not going to eat that apple and muffin for breakfast, or that salad for lunch. Exactly the same way I will be RPing like as a child. Do not expect a child to be acting with the mannerism of an adult. They are two completely bipolar concepts. And again, it would be defeating the purpose of my character even being little.
7. Do NOT treat my baby or child character as a real life dog. My character is to be treated simply as you would treat a human child. (If you would pick one up by the scruff of the neck, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you). Making dog noises, tail wagging, panting, and licking is about as close to acting like a normal dog I will ever get in an RP.
8. Do NOT be creepy! Seriously people. Do not be all obsessed over my character’s diaper status and be all feeling it just to give yourself pleasure… because that is just freaking creepy! Do not make any reference to my character’s private parts or anything in a sexual manner. Anyone who behaves like this will not even receive a warning to not do so. They will be promptly blocked effective immediately. Unless I give permission to do so beforehand, I may allow it. But usually this is a Red Flag Zone. As Kah Mun Rah in Night of the Museum 2 says “DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE!”
9. Do NOT centre the RP only on diaper changes. I think that itself is self-explanatory. It is both annoying and rude.
10. Do NOT give yourself the ability to do anything to my character without previous consent. Now this does mean taking to bed, dressing up in something… no. What I mean by this is giving your character the ability to alter my character in any way, and this includes saying “you start to poo in your pants” and whatever else that alters my character’s behaviour or structure. I make my own decision on that, thank you very much. FOY products are something I will allow, however, everything else is intolerable.
11. As a caretaker, I usually make it my mandate to be as caring, loving, and protective as possible while maintaining firm principles and distributing discipline when necessary. However, I am only a caretaker until the cub so chooses to change what position I am to them; I do not enjoy portraying myself as anything besides a caretaker without consent first and foremost. Should you choose to refer to me as “Daddy”, I will accept it as that and go forth from there as only in the RP.
12. If I am “Daddy” to you in a RP, do not expect that relationship to immediately be in said effect as a fur father. I prefer taking the time to get to know my cubs. Currently I have three pups of whom I do consider my own. Will that number increase? It is difficult to say but I do wish to keep it at five. Usually this is where I will step in to seek permission to be the fur father or not. Fur father does not mean real life caretaker. I choose not to pass myself forth as one.
13. The following RPs I will not do: bondage, vore, anything explicitly sexual, magic, or transformation. I will actively participate in nearly anything else but I do have a tolerance limit. Feel free to enquire if I will RP a certain way at any time.
14. Use the correct words if you are the caretaker. Do not give your character baby speech unless they are the baby. I really do not like it when caretakers say “hai” rather than “hi” because my first thought is they are cubby and I have to move on to find a caretaker who is willing to care for me.
15. I try to leave emoticons out of those descriptive RPs that are structured in the format of a story mostly because it looks much neater. If you can follow the same trend too, that would be fantastic.
16. Skype is the main RPing method and with continue to be that way. Notes in FA are good for beginning RPs but if you can switch over to Skype, that would be greatly appreciated. If possible, we can work out other means for RPing.
17. When RPing, do not make it difficult to understand. I have only one exception for someone dear to me who has a writing impediment. And no “me going to do” …just no referring yourself as “me”! This is a huge pet-peeve of mine as I cannot stand people who do that. “I” is best. Even if you are a cub, try to think of one child who refers to themselves as “me”. I have not heard one do that and I have been around little children for a long while.
RP Suggestions
1. If you can, try to write with paragraphs if possible. Avoiding the use of the “ * ” and trying to structure it out in sentences looks a lot better and makes it easier to read for me. The longer it is and the more detail included, the better I like it.
That is everything for now. I may update this frequently to enable you to be able to have great RPs with me. Hope everyone will be able to understand how this works. I’m probably the only person who has drafted out RP Guidelines but that is because I am much more intolerant than the average person.
Jazz~
And That's a Wrap!
Posted 11 years agoWell, you have successfully survived the en-masse submission spam of all the art pieces I have ever got! Everything from now will be every now and then when I get more art. And after all that *cough* 162 submissions *cough*, I have accumulated 699 pageviews, 210 comments, 1220 favourites, and 82 watchers all within 13 days! That has got to be a record for me! :D
But now I have a few questions:
1) Which character of mine is your favourite?
2) Which art piece is your favourite?
3) And now that you've seen all that, what do you think of me?
Please comment your answers here and link the submission that is your most favourite!
Your Favourite Character Voting Totals:
Hablano Primzahl: 0
Jazz Risingstorm: 2 --> MOST FAVOURITE RIGHT NOW! 8D
Pavel Petrov: 0
Ratchet: 0
Scamp Breezy: 0
Thundercracker: 0
Wayne Iceflight: 0
Peace.
Jazz~
But now I have a few questions:
1) Which character of mine is your favourite?
2) Which art piece is your favourite?
3) And now that you've seen all that, what do you think of me?
Please comment your answers here and link the submission that is your most favourite!
Your Favourite Character Voting Totals:
Hablano Primzahl: 0
Jazz Risingstorm: 2 --> MOST FAVOURITE RIGHT NOW! 8D
Pavel Petrov: 0
Ratchet: 0
Scamp Breezy: 0
Thundercracker: 0
Wayne Iceflight: 0
Peace.
Jazz~
Greetings All
Posted 11 years agoGreetings all.
This is Christopher also known as YourRisingStorm, Jazz, and even Scamp in the past. Well, just to explain the reasons for being super annoying and creating yet another account. So. There have been a number of people that I created this account to evade because I am sick of their pestering which I really cannot take right now. Life is extremely stressful but I thank God for great friends and for quickly bringing along an antidote to subdue the emotional pain for the while. Also, I've been wanting for a while to reconnect with my character Scamp, and maybe create an account with both involved in it. Although I am predominately Jazz, I am hoping to get back into roleplaying and acting as Scamp, that little schnauzer-butt with his fluffstache who gets in trouble usually because he is in the wrong place and the wrong time. Hehe... that's me to a T.
Well, if you found me, hooray! I'm glad you can be here. This account I only advertise by invitation to my close friends on Skype, as I do not want to be found by certain people. And if they do find me, they won't be able to do anything as they are blocked effective immediately.
All the artwork of Jazz, Scamp, Wayne, Pavel, and the other characters that I got as a commission will be posted here in no particular order. I might do it by from when I got the first one till the most recent, but I may not. So prepare yourselves for intense submission spamming of old (and some new) commissions I have purchased.
Oh, and go purchase Oxygen: Inhale by Thousand Foot Krutch which is an incredible rock album that I hope every single one of you will enjoy if rock is the genre of your niche.
And that's all.
Catch you all later~
This is Christopher also known as YourRisingStorm, Jazz, and even Scamp in the past. Well, just to explain the reasons for being super annoying and creating yet another account. So. There have been a number of people that I created this account to evade because I am sick of their pestering which I really cannot take right now. Life is extremely stressful but I thank God for great friends and for quickly bringing along an antidote to subdue the emotional pain for the while. Also, I've been wanting for a while to reconnect with my character Scamp, and maybe create an account with both involved in it. Although I am predominately Jazz, I am hoping to get back into roleplaying and acting as Scamp, that little schnauzer-butt with his fluffstache who gets in trouble usually because he is in the wrong place and the wrong time. Hehe... that's me to a T.
Well, if you found me, hooray! I'm glad you can be here. This account I only advertise by invitation to my close friends on Skype, as I do not want to be found by certain people. And if they do find me, they won't be able to do anything as they are blocked effective immediately.
All the artwork of Jazz, Scamp, Wayne, Pavel, and the other characters that I got as a commission will be posted here in no particular order. I might do it by from when I got the first one till the most recent, but I may not. So prepare yourselves for intense submission spamming of old (and some new) commissions I have purchased.
Oh, and go purchase Oxygen: Inhale by Thousand Foot Krutch which is an incredible rock album that I hope every single one of you will enjoy if rock is the genre of your niche.
And that's all.
Catch you all later~
